Chapter 18: There's Not Enough Blue (Part 2)

Requested by Lemon boi!

Scenario: OK so this is a continuation of Chapter 14, where Ghostbur tries to comfort Tubbo about Tommy "dying" by giving him blue.

Ghostbur still held Tubbo's blue in his hands when he walked the opposite direction from the president. Usually he put it away as soon as he got it, but this time he held onto it, wondering how Tubbo could have so much sorrow. Whenever Ghostbur felt sad, he just thought about something happy, and it went away.

He was having some trouble with that now, however. It was hard to think of happy thoughts when he was holding literal sorrow in his hands.

Tommy is dead.

He barely remembered Tommy in Alivebur's life, but he did remember that they had been close, and that Tommy had been sad when he died. And he had even been friends with Tommy as a ghost. He realized that when Dream had sent Tommy away, it hadn't been a vacation. The thought had crossed his mind before, but he'd ignored it because it made him sad. But now he was forced to confront the fact that Dream had done this to Tommy.

And it was Ghostbur's fault too, for being so naive about everything. It wasn't going to work if he just pushed aside every sad thought he had. But that was the point of the blue, right? To ignore the pain and sorrow? Did that even work? It hadn't with Tubbo.

Ghostbur had stopped in the middle of the path, staring at the blue now staining his hands. He was absorbing it, and he felt it, too. Sadness was a strange thing. It left him with an emotion that he didn't enjoy feeling, but he didn't put the blue away. Maybe some remnant of Alivebur in his mind was telling him that he needed to hold onto this to pay for what he'd done.

"I don't know what I did," he murmured to himself. "I couldn't even help Tubbo. I couldn't help Tommy."

A small part of his mind told him to keep walking, to forget this cursed emotion, but the blue drove it away. A lump welled up in his throat when he realized that he would never see Tommy again. And he hadn't even realized what was going on.

"I-I have to see him. I have to go…" He put his hand over his mouth, telling himself it wouldn't matter. A tear welled up in the side of his eye.

"No, no. I can't cry. That's why...that's why I made the blue, so I wouldn't have to feel sad."

He looked down at the blue again, soaking into his ghostly skin.

"So that everyone else wouldn't have to feel sad," he said softly.

A tear rolled down his cheek. It burned him, and he bit his lip to stop himself from crying out. But instead of trying to stop the sadness, he let more fall down his face. It hurt, but he couldn't stop it. His hands formed into fists, the blue being fully absorbed into his hands and wrists.

The grief felt like it was tearing him apart, roaming viciously through his body, and no matter what he thought of, he couldn't stop it. He covered his face with his hands, letting the tears fall freely. It hurt. It was burning him.

But it was nothing compared to the pain of grief. His own grief, yes, but mostly others. Tubbo's, Philza's, even Technoblade's. He'd taken too much blue from their sorrows, and now he was paying the price.

"I didn't have a choice. I had to help them. I don't...I don't like sadness. No one does."

Ghostbur gingerly wiped his eyes, being careful not to touch the burns too hard. He was still figuring things out about ghosts, but he knew that water hurt them like lava hurt people. His tears would probably leave scars.

Eventually they stopped, and he straightened, putting what was left of the blue away. He continued walking, desperately trying to think of anything else to distract him. Soon Dream came into view, and when he was about to walk past Ghostbur, he said, "Ghostbur, what happened to your face?"

The ghost reached up and touched his face, feeling a slight sting when his fingers came in contact with his cheek.

"I...don't remember."

Dream waited in uneasy silence before saying, "If you don't remember, then it's probably not worth remembering, right?"

"Um, yeah. Yeah."

"...Okay." And he continued walking.

Ghostbur blinked once, then went on his way to nowhere.

thanks for reading! this one is one of my favorite so i hope you enjoyed :)