Chapter 7- Blue/Green Eyes Covered In Blood
"I'll give you guys some alone time," Amelia quietly spoke once the crying had died down and things settled just a bit. She'd been standing at the foot of Jay's bed the entirety of their initial visit to things, charting and just taking things in. Jay was doing well, despite the very hard operation. He could've been doing better, but when she knew the full story of things and all the hours of frustration and mild panic that lived in her those seven and a half hours, he was doing amazing. She feared this was a calm before the storm, she'd seen it happen more than enough times, especially with AAs. There was something extra menacing about them. Just when things were finally calm and at ease, the tumor and its' remnants would almost always lash back. Part of her felt like it was aimed at her, that it was harming the patient to get back at her for taking it away from its' home. The patient was just the innocent bystander in her never ending fight against AAs. They were always her toughest fights and sadly, some of her hardest losses. But Jay felt different, felt that he'd be the very first to come out smoothly. Despite the elevated swelling and increased levels in many areas, she just had this sixth sense that things would be okay. Would the road be uphill and difficult? That still remained to be seen. However, she just felt that despite all the challenges Jay would find a way out of this; getting back to a life of normalcy and health.
"Thank you, Dr. Heart. Seriously, I don't know if we'd be at this point with anyone else." Will looked to be on the verge of tears, standing over Jay as he looked her way. It was a look she'd seen so many times, the speech heard about a million times over. She wanted to be hopeful, wanted to smooth the fears over and tell them that all would be fine. But that wasn't her and wasn't good practicing of medicine. She wanted to stress once more that the next day or so was going to be such a pivotal moment. They were at a crossroads with all of this. Jay had to choose now. Everything that could be done for him was complete. It was now up to him to decide where they all went from here. But she didn't have the heart to tell them all of this, was not about to squash what little peace and comfort and hope they had in them. They'd hear all of that and a lot more these next coming days, weeks, months even. So instead she curtly nodded, bowing her head before she turned for the open door. To herself she prayed the next check in was on a more encouraging note.
Meanwhile Hailey was exhausted, resting her bag on the floor before plopping down into the chair on Jay's left. The hospital staff was kind enough to accommodate seating for two, perhaps aware that Jay was always going to have Will and herself hanging out with him. She sighed, doing a once over of Jay as Will finally released his spot next to Jay's bed, taking a seat in his chair without losing focus of Jay. Even now, having scanned him a dozen times, Hailey was still finding things on Jay that weren't there before. The cord sticking out of the back of his head was something she was never going to get used to. It's just not natural to have wiring right there and all she could think of was how painful it was. The drain was dripping dark red still, not at all settling both her mind or stomach. Each stain on the tube was verification that indeed, Jay's brain saw air for the first time in its' life not even two hours ago, and had things sliced and diced for hours today. It was such a shock that it made her skin crawl, her body shivering before she finally pulled herself away from looking at it all. She could not wait for that thing to leave Jay's life. Oddly enough the central line was the least offensive thing on him. It was there, it wasn't pretty, but it was reminding her that Jay just had brain surgery. It was providing him medication that he very desperately needed. Same thing with the vent. The soothing sounds coming from the machine just behind her chair were very relaxing, making her suddenly tired and wanting to shut her eyes. In sync with how a normal person would breathe, the inhale was a quick, high pitched sucking in sound followed by another fast, puffing out of air. In and out, inhaling and exhaling, the tube that was taped in place on the left side of his mouth was blocking his face from looking normal, but it was essentially keeping Jay alive so she was at peace with it. She had to cling to the truth that all of this was temporary. That as much as was on him now, there was a great chance a lot of it would leave, soon. He just needed to rest, rest, and rest some more. As much as she wanted to see him awake, patience and silence would allow for the perfect timing of him coming back to them. There was no other option.
"Hailey, I'm fine," she heard in the back of her mind. It was so clear and perfectly him that she swore he actually spoke that. To the point that she tore away from looking at all the blankets on top of him and back at his face. She knew it wasn't possible, but still it was so real that her mind was playing tricks on her.
"I just want to hold his hand," she whispered, balling her hand into a fist before resting her elbow on the arm of the chair so her head could rest. Will looked away from the monitors above Jay's head to at her, nodding before scanning his brother once more. They were told to keep touch to a minimum. Part of it had to do with brain awareness and activity. His brain was in shock right now, so any kind of stressor or act that would force it to start registering things would come with a risk of doing more harm then good. Thus the reason for the earplugs and quiet machines and monitors in the room. Yes, he did have sound sensitivity. But he also had a brain that really needed to shut down for awhile.
"How is he looking," she asked once more, now turning her attention to everything behind the bed. She lost count after twelve IV bags. Jay had numerous IV pumps around him, so many IV trees housing things she had no clue about. She knew nothing about what they were, what their purpose was, or how it was all getting into him. All she got from it was that Jay wasn't in the best of shape and needed everything single thing there. It too was a little scary, but was keeping him alive and pain free, she hoped.
"Well, he could be better…but he's doing really well actually. The biggest number we have to watch out for is that one," Will spoke, pointing to a screen just hovering above the left side of Jay's bed. Along with fluctuating numbers was a series of waves. Hailey just nodded blankly, having no clue what it all meant or if any of it was good or bad looking. Will noted how out of her element she was, doing his best to simplify things.
"The ICP in his head is tracking brain swelling and brain activity. So if it goes above a certain number it'll set off an alarm. Which then it would mean his pressure is too high and he could have a seizure."
"What happens if it does go off? More surgery?"
"Sometimes, but that's usually a last resort. Typically it's an adjustment of medication and it can happen fast, depending on what's going on with him." Hailey nodded, taking whatever Will was saying as gospel. She had no clue if any of it was right or wrong, it was all she knew.
"So where is he right now?"
"It's up a little more then you'd like to see, but it's not in a dangerous spot. And he has good brain waves so he's just hanging out in an elevated spot. But again, that's the biggest one to watch over the next few days. If that gets bad, nothing else matters." Hailey nodded, shivering once more as she took everything in. So little of him looked like him. Only seeing part of his head she could tell that things were very different. Less then twelve hours ago he was awake, talking, the two of them were doing normal life things. Now he couldn't open his eyes, speak, or breathe on his own. The only consistent factor was that he was still alive.
"What about the will? Could that still come into play?" Will looked back at her once more, sighing as she swallowed the tears back. Even the thought of losing him at this stage was more painful that the potential of losing him in the OR. He'd made it through, he was with them once more. He was not allowed to slip away now.
"Hailey, don't go there. Okay?! He made it, he's doing very well. He'll wake up. We're not at all there. Not even close." She nodded, sitting back in her chair and shutting her eyes. She so desperately wanted to believe Will, feel the confidence he and Amelia had. But if she learned anything, it was that nothing about this journey was straightforward. It wasn't just a headache, it wasn't just some tumor, and it certainly wasn't an easy operation. She'd believe he'd make it when she saw the whites of eyes once more. Safe to say it was a very quiet first hour into their reunion.
…
Even in his most unconscious of moments, Jay was making it very much known that he was not happy being messed with. He wanted to just rest, sleep peacefully away in the darkness and not be stirred till he decided his time of returning. And it was easy to see why he wanted things this way. His whole being, the epicenter of his existence just went through a seven hour match with a deadly monster, fighting to stay with the living as the deadly really tried to take him down with them. His motherboard, the computer that ran every part of his person was shut down, depleted, done for awhile, it had zero intentions of firing up any time soon. And yet, hourly he'd be asked to stir back to life and he was growing more frustrated and over it as the check-ins happened. It was very slight, but before visitation was over for the day he was really shutting things down, refusing to respond and just try and sleep through the misery of people touching him. To those caring for him they weren't really sure how to react, take the stubbornness as a good or bad sign. But for Will and Hailey they were elated. Because even still, in that currently very broken body, Jay was coming through, shoving himself back to the top. But let's return to the start of it all.
"Hey guys," Dr. Heart greeted with, sliding open the door as Will and Hailey sat up. Things were relatively unchanged since she left, the two living were surrounding the unconscious one, all of them at varying levels of peace. Hailey was on her phone, texting what appeared to be a group text chain while Will was busy looking up at all the monitors, seeming to try and will his brother away from the danger. And then there was Jay, just as lifeless and limp as she left him an hour ago. Things hadn't changed, but in the game of brain surgery you didn't want drastic change. Things operated slowly and recovery was even slower, so anything drastic was a bad sign. For loved ones the waiting and pace was almost killing them. But for those actually living through it all that pace was saving them.
"Hey," both of them kindly and quietly greeted with, sitting up in their seats as Amelia and Jay's day nurse entered the room. Donning hand sanitizer before putting gloves on, the surgeon and nurse nodded their greeting back, eventually making their way to the bed.
"So this is the neuro check we'll be doing for the next twenty four hours. It's just a reflex test and then seeing if he can attempt opening his eyes," Amelia explained as the blankets were pulled towards Jay's middle, both the top and bottom of the blankets were pushed towards Jay's stomach, reveling even more cords and wiring and sensors on him. Hailey slow blinked the pit of fear away while Will just watched on. It was a lot and seeing it all so quickly like that wasn't settling any stomachs. It was amazing how much assistance and tracking was needed after brain surgery, driving home just how amazing and capable and able the brain was when it was running full speed.
"Jay, I'm very sorry to bother you but can you open your eyes," Amelia asked? Jay didn't move a muscle, not surprisingly, just laid dead looking and continued to rest in his very peaceful world of unconsciousness. The next step was to wave a penlight in Jay's eyes while asking the same thing once more. Looking at Jay's eyes roll and contract against the light was very promising, but equally disheartening as well. There was no life behind them, zero indication that a soul was resting in that body. The eyes were so dull, dead almost, that Hailey literally shook to the point Will was concerned it was a panic attack. He looked away from what was happening and to her, giving that questioning look and she shook him off, pointing at Jay as things moved to the next stage of things.
"Jay, one more try. Come on and try to open your eyes," she asked while digging a fist into his sternum, rubbing up and down and back and forth for a few moments. The act in doing that was to elicit painful stimuli to his body and it totally worked. Jay's left hand twitched for a split second, blink and you would've missed it. Hailey gasped, smiling big as she watched the hand move not once but twice. It was Jay, no doubt.
"Is he awake," she quickly asked? Amelia smirked, slowly shaking her head as she removed her fist from Jay's chest.
"No, it's just a response to the pain, but that's a very good sign. Multiple movements means things are in tact and doing well." The next step was to test reflexes, Amelia pulling out some kind of remote that had been tucked into the blankets on Jay's bed. The two of them watched things fire up, a red light switching to green to let the world know it was ready for use. Limb by limb, the sensors all over Jay's body twitched his muscles back to life. A finger here, a toe and thigh there, things were being asked to move and it was going beautifully. It appears Jay really was taking all their pleads to heart. He was a handful of hours past the biggest surgery of his life and was kicking ass while trying to rest and heal. If she could Hailey would kiss him, she was that excited and proud.
"Brain activity looks good as well. Let's up the steroids. His swelling is still concerning me a little and I don't want him staying right there forever."
"Is it getting worse," Hailey asked as the nurse went to get things.
"A little. It's increased a very little bit, but it's going in the wrong direction. I don't want to stress him anymore then he already is so this is just a precaution." Hailey nodded, looking to Will who was nodding in agreement. Jay wasn't quite where he needed to be, but he was close to the edge. Or so they hoped. A few more minutes of observation and medicine refills and soon it was just the three of them alone once more. And this routine happened the following hour and the hour after that, Jay's responses getting less and less obvious each time. Amelia chalked it up to exhaustion, citing that he wasn't responding but his brain wave activity proved he was still alive and doing very well. But Hailey and Will couldn't help but smirk in immense pride. It was Jay being over this frivolous act of trying to wake him up. Their best efforts would always go in vain. No way was he waking up on someone else's accord. The rest of the afternoon and early evening saw plentiful rest for Jay, nerves and uneasiness for Will and Hailey, and check-ins that were going about as well as they could. The nerves were there, but as each passing hour that was becoming a little less. Jay was surviving, healing, doing an absolutely beautiful job, according to Amelia Heart. But all had that pit of fear in their stomach. Things never went this easily, recovery was never a straight, downward fall to grace and healing. The darkness, Will and Amelia both seemed to understand, would bring the biggest of challenges, the giants obstacle that would determine if Jay made it or not. This was certainly calm before the storm. The storm was going to come before eyes were revealed to the world.
…
"Jay, can you squeeze my hand please?" It was 8pm now, Jay appearing to be recovered to a point that he could hear. Whenever someone would talk in the room or commands would be given, the brain waves would pick up and fall in tune with voices coming and going. Even more so, his movements were more in line with commands. Still taking some time to actually connect the dots, Jay would elicit some kind of response. A twitch here, both eyes rolling under the eyelids there, all was very minor and slow progress to the average observer, but to those in that neuro ICU room these were huge victories in a trying, critical time. Jay was doing amazing, pushing through when it was so much easier to slip deep into a coma and take weeks to come back. The last hour's check-in saw Amelia hold Jay's hands in hers, asking three times to squeeze and getting nothing more then a quick twitch, like the sensors all over his body sent out a shockwave and that was his response. Amelia swore Jay was close to full, independent hand movements and Will and Hailey truly clung to that. Hailey was well past visitation hours, but given the day and her desire to see Jay move on his own, they were allowing her to stay till that happened; no matter how long it took.
"Jay, can you squeeze my hands, sweetie," she asked once more, removing one hand to pull out the penlight and wave it in his face. What they all weren't fully aware of then was that Jay's hearing was a lot more in tact then he lead them to believe. He was not at all ready to open his eyes, those feeling like the weight of a car on his face. This was his first true resurfacing of things. Life was very dark, very unfamiliar and feeling as if it was very out of control. Jay was convinced some other force was controlling his mind, his whole body. He felt very trapped, locked into this body that he no longer had power over, instead strapped in and told to watch his life be taken over by something he didn't invite or see coming. He was so weak, so exhausted, and beyond scared. But yet, he knew that he could hear. Granted, all that was coming through the loudest was his heart beat, but on the off beat he was hearing other noises and voices, and that gave him some hope that things were okay and he was on the other side. What that exactly was, he wasn't aware of. But it was here that he attempted movement, trying to let the other side know he was here and alright and not quite ready to come out. So as Amelia asked him one final time to squeeze his hand, all he heard was this:
"Jay, beep you beep my beep?" It was the most confusing line he'd ever heard in his life, yet one he was truly trying to figure out. The fact he was thinking and trying to solve things in his very altered state was a miracle that none of them were aware of right then. Will and Hailey held their breath, Amelia, squeezing Jay's hands while anxiously waiting. He had to come through for her, for all of them. This was the time, she was willing him. And in the act of squeezing his hand, that was the first full brain signal to Jay. He couldn't move or breathe or open his eyes right now. But at last, here was something he felt and something he knew he could reciprocate. And so, while he thought it was a death squeeze, in reality it was a very shaky, slow, yet successful hand squeeze, fingers wrapping around the foreign hand in his and finishing the task. He was alive and okay. He was exhausted and wanted some more rest, but he was with them once more.
"Oh," Amelia excitedly reacted aloud, looking away from Jay's face and to the hands in hers, all three of them overly delighted to watch Jay wrap his fingers around her hand, hold the squeeze for a couple seconds before going totally limp. The stubborn badass had done it.
"Good! That's awesome Jay. I'll let you go back to sleep." Jay was well ahead of them, already back under the full wrath of unconsciousness as she spoke. The hero did his deed and now it was time to store up energy for whatever would come next.
"So that was him? Like him, him," Hailey excitedly asked?
"Yup, that was definitely him," Amelia responded as she pulled the blankets back up. Hailey's response was to get up, round the turn, and hug the life out of Will who was nearly toppled over by her sudden reaction.
"That's amazing," Hailey just about yelled, being reminded to keep things down. But she didn't care in that moment. Jay was alright, he moved his hand! All was going to be fine and the will wasn't going to be a factor. The two of them hugged it out for another minute or so, just watching Jay rest as they were overly elated. Christmas was certainly coming early this year.
"Oh, I just realized I now need to leave," Hailey said as she pulled away.
"So Will is staying tonight," Amelia asked while looking over Jay's chart.
"Yeah, we're gunna switch back and forth and since this is night one, we're gunna let the medical guy stay with him." Amelia smirked, sending in more medication refills before looking up.
"That's totally fine! Whatever works best for you guys. We're more than willing to accommodate." Hailey nodded, starting a yawn as she grabbed for her bag.
"Oh, you can keep your stuff here. I don't want you carting it back and forth all the time," Dr. Heart spoke.
"Are you sure? I don't mind."
"I insist. I don't want you guys feeling like you're overstaying to impending on anything. We're pretty flexible here, especially around the holidays." Hailey sighed a little bit of relief, happy that her overly packed bag wasn't going home with her. Honestly the thing weighed a million pounds and it quite seriously was dragging her down. So instead she reached in for her wallet, grabbing her phone and it's charger before going to Jay's side and standing there for a moment. None of this was ever going to feel normal and put her at ease. But for tonight, it was what it was and Jay was coming back.
"Bye, Jay. I'll see you in the morning. Behave tonight." She reached under the blankets, found the still very limp and cold hand and squeezed it, pulsating a couple times before letting go. She looked over at Will, wishing she didn't have to go. Will got it, rose from his chair as he spoke.
"Tomorrow night, it'll be just the two of you." Hailey nodded, sighing as she put Jay's hand down and returned things to the way it once was. Tomorrow night, twenty-four hours, they'd be back together for another night.
"I'll walk you out," Will offered as he tossed her the car keys. Hailey caught them, nodded, and did a final scan of things. She mentally told Jay to hold, to keep things steady and alright till she got back. If he dared to open his eyes before she got back she was going to kill him.
"Can you stay with him till I get back," Will asked Amelia as they were at the door?
"Absolutely! Please take your time. I'm not in any hurry." She watched the two of them slip through the doorway before Will very quietly slid the door shut. Amelia sat down in the Hailey's vacant seat, shutting her eyes as she listened to the ventilator breathe. She'd done this so many times, and quite often around the holidays. She found dark humor in tumors sprouting to life around this time of year. As people gathered together to reflect on the year and celebrate the joy of the season, tumors used that as a great time to gather it's evil little cancer cells and rapidly spread in the human brain. Perhaps it was knowing that a support system was near and that no one was doing anything, or it was tumors just having another layer of evil to them: their timing. Just when your guard is down and things are too chaotic to pay attention, that was their opportune moment to strike. Deep thoughts of her parents flashed across her mind, and the countless other patients that were better or worse then Jay. They all were so tough in their own way, the victories that much sweeter or the losses that much tougher. Thinking back, it had been about nine years now since she went home to Texas for the holidays, wasn't stuck here taking care of someone. Her family always said she was choosing work over family, and they were partially right. Amelia always viewed it as furthering her parents' memory, or legacy in a way. Each person she saved was proving that dangerous tumors could be removed and a patient can be saved. She wanted so desperately to show those doctors back in Texas that no one was totally lost. In deciding between sad, depressing, empty holidays where they only clung to the past, Amelia always wanted to side with the living and the saved and live in the present. Some years that wasn't the case and her holidays would suck that much more. But this year was in the process of looking like a good one, taking down another demon that's haunted her past. She was seriously drifting off to sleep now, resting in the peace and comfort that Jay was doing so well. But just as she was taking off to sleep time, the engrained sound of an ICP alarm filled the space. At first she thought it was a nightmare, but as she opened her eyes and realized the sound was still going off, she flew to her feet, hovering over Jay as she watched the monitors. Sure enough, the swelling and pressure was dangerously high.
"Come on, Jay," she spoke to the unconscious one as she attempted to peel his eyelids open. The first warning sign was that they were almost glued shut, things had tightened that quick. But when she finally got one lid open, her stomach dropped to the floor as she watched the eyeball dance left and right in a very rapid manner.
"This is Dr. Heart in room 525. I need Ativan and Valtoco and a seizure protocol now," Amelia spoke over the call button on Jay's bed. She prayed under her breath for things to be quick, terrified she'd be racing Jay back to an OR before the day was over. Perhaps the hand squeeze wasn't a sign that things were fine, but instead a cry for help.
…
Walking back through the neuro ICU was a very different stroll then the one they took hours ago. It's amazing what truth and knowledge does to one's brain. Coming through here, they were both extremely on edge, they'd have to admit. Seeing the state of so many on this floor and listening to the quiet and observing the dark, still nature to things, it really put things into a very real perspective. This was not a floor one wanted to be on. This was not a place with sunshine and happiness and good endings. This was where the nitty gritty, tough aspect of life played out, where a body truly decided where it wanted to go. By the time you hit this floor, everything that could possibly be done for you had already happened. This was a bit of a weigh station, a wait station if you will. Because it was here that you waited for fate to guide you, navigate you through the treacherous waters of brain surgery or a brain injury. Neruo was never a department people eagerly wanted to enter, but more often then not it was one of the most rewarding. Equating it to working in Intelligence, you see people's darkest days on this floor and the cases no one wants to take live on this floor. And yet, it was here the special accolades were given out and hospital's greatest pulls and reputations were decided. So knowing all of that, and seeing it all firsthand, it's very upsetting knowing your loved one was residing on this floor, fighting for their life essentially. Now, very fortunately, Jay was not as bad off as some. Certainly his brain had been put through the gauntlet today, but thus far he was living to tell the tale. Tomorrow, hopefully.
But this trip through the department was far easier of a journey. Of course, both hated to pull themselves away from Jay, feared something terrible would happen the second Jay was alone. They never said it, but both got the joke stuck in their head that Jay was doing so well because both were hovering over him. That pressure from the outside was keeping everything inside, so they feared that the second Jay was alone was when he'd give up or allow dangerous things to take place. Hailey threw off this sudden anxiety of leaving Jay alone by throwing her head back, huffing and puffing through her mouth as they walked. Room after room, name after name on the door, she realized that all the people on this floor were miracles, Jay included. All were fighting, all were doing their best to survive, it was another illustration that everyone on this floor had various backgrounds, life stories, reasons for being here. But yet, all had a single common thread: that life had thrown them a shitty hand and they were just doing the best they could. Selfishly, Hailey couldn't wait for Jay to get off this floor. It seemed so wrong to want to be away from dark things like a neuro ICU floor, but then again everyone else on this floor was probably thinking the same thing as well. Or at least those aware of where they were were thinking the same thought.
"You doing alright," Will whispered as a way to quell her nerves and hatred for leaving.
"Yeah, a little better then earlier. Seeing him has helped a lot. I'm so proud of him."
"Yeah," Will trailed off, nodding as they made the final turn and were looking at the elevators.
"And I'm super jealous you get to stay tonight." Will snorted.
"Yeah, staying on a neuro ICU floor is the exact same thing as a wild slumber party." Hailey chuckled, cupping her mouth to be as quiet as she could. It felt wildly amazing to laugh.
"Take care of him," she eventually spoke once the laughter died down. Will nodded, pressing the elevator button for her.
"I will. You be careful getting home. Text me when you get there."
"Did they ever say how long he'd be up here," Hailey asked as she took in the sights for the final time that day. It seriously felt like time was standing still. Everything was the exact same way they found it hours ago, making it feel like no time had passed at all. Everything was still just as quiet, all the people were still there and it appeared no one had come or left. Life truly was a standstill up here. She wasn't sure how people worked on this floor day after day with the silence of it all.
"I don't recall hearing a specific timeline. He's going to be here at least a week, depending on if there are any setbacks."
"Which so far there aren't," Hailey cut in. Will could only nod. He was elated over her deepest of hope, but he knew there was still so much to go. But alas, he didn't have it in him to ruin her mood right then.
"So I think at some point, after he reaches various milestones he'll get moved to another neuro floor but one that isn't as serious as this." Hailey nodded, turning to face the elevator door that was now opening for her. She gave Will a quick farewell hug before hopping on, choosing the bottom floor before speaking again.
"Hey, do you want me to bring breakfast?"
"That would be awesome. Thanks!"
"No oatmeal. We're gunna bring you into the twenty-first century. I'll make you my famous peanut butter toast." Will chuckled, rolling his eyes as he waved.
"I'm so excited for that." He stood there watching till the elevator closed and the car started falling. He stood still for a moment, appreciating the silence of the floor. It was the first time all day there was no stress, no waiting, no freaking out and nobody that was needing him to do something. At last, he could just stand still and be. Which was probably the worst timing to be still and not with Jay given what was happening at the other end of the floor. Will closed his eyes, throwing his head back a little as he breathed. In and out, stress and fear and anxiety dropping as he breathed. He stood there for a solid two minutes before deciding to head back, slowly making his way. He took the atmosphere of the place in, took in the day's events as he strolled past the rooms quietly. The more he realized what had happened that day, the more tired he grew. Will was truly looking forward to a much needed deep night's sleep and hoped Jay would cooperate.
It was at the nurse's station that the hairs on the back of Will's neck rose in unison. The very first thing he noted was the silent, blinking red rectangle going off around one of the patient screens. He wasn't sure what made him notice it, since he knew nothing about the technical layout of Northwestern nor had he taken the time to look at things, but seeing something blink and in such a bright red color drew his attention away from whatever he was thinking about and towards the thing capturing his attention. He stood there for a couple seconds, noting the high spike in pressure and the drastic changes in brain waves, suddenly feeling terrible for whoever it was that was going through this trouble. Will watched nurses calmly, yet hurriedly walk past him, faces that of determination and carefulness to not drop medications in their hand. Will even went to stepping out of their way, wanting to wish them luck as they battled some silent yet terrible setback. He stood there for a few more seconds, watching things spike higher and brain activity become more sporadic, with the heart rate and breathing levels starting to get affected by the brain situation. As a person aware of who this patient was and all that was going on, it was easy to want to yell at Will, tell him to book it to Jay's room because his presence was greatly needed right then. But alas, he just stood there and watched and was so enamored by all the pretty lines and dips in them that it took forever to peel away from them and look at the room number sign directly above the screen.
"Oh shit," Will gapsed, stomach dropping to the floor as he bolted for Jay's room. He was trying his best to not be too loud, too overcome with emotions as he drew closer to the room. Jay was completely enveloped in people, protocols, things that were making it impossible for him to be seen. Will had his phone out, about to call Hailey as he opened the door, but held off on pressing the call button. He had zero idea what was going on, Jay's condition, really any information to report. All he knew was that Jay was in trouble and that he was looking at his first setback of the recovery. Knowing how on edge Hailey was over losing Jay or something terrible happening, he decided to hold off on the call till he got the full story.
"What happened," Will called as he finally breached the room, jaw falling to the floor as he watched the scene in front of him. Jay was no longer breathing via the vent, but instead a bag attached to his breathing tube as someone pumped air into his lungs every three seconds. Amelia was standing closest to Jay's head, waving a penlight over his eyes before calling for more meds, people rushing to get what she requested. Her eyes never left the screens above Jay, not even when Will asked once more what was going on. Only when it was time to check Jay's condition did she peel away.
"What happened. Someone tell me," Will just about yelled for the third time. By all looks it appeared Jay was dying, or coming closer and closer to needing those will wishes. He couldn't see Jay, but based on all the alarms that were going off and the frantic vibe of the room, nothing good was taking place. Jay was certainly not waking up, in fact looking to be farther away from it.
"Will, Jay is having a seizure so just hold on for me, for him," Amelia sternly called, still not peeling away from the monitors. Will nodded, clasping hands to his mouth as he looked up at what Amelia was fixated on. Jay's ICP number was the biggest red flag, followed closely by the brain activity. His head was swelling dangerously high, causing everything else to react and panic. Will had no clue how long the seizure was going on, but if there was anything encouraging it was the fact that Jay wasn't thrashing in the bed. Now to some, that would appear to make things worse, but in reality it told the tale of a partial seizure. Now of course, a seizure was a seizure and any kind of seizure was terrible right now. But Will had to find some kind of solace in all of this, some good news as they tromped through the sea of bad. Things were chaotic for the next several minutes, Jay's swelling brain not cooperating with any of the rescue that was coming his way. A couple times Will swore he heard whimpering, saw Jay twitch or flex as a sign that he needed help, but his medical knowledge reminded him that that simply wasn't possible. Jay was very much unconscious, the swelling and breathing and seizure proof of that. Will was frozen in place, internally praying for it all to stop, for things to finally work and that Jay would just let things help him. It went on for ten, fifteen minutes before the end came upon them.
"Oh, there it goes," Amelia called out, all sighing a massive relief as Jay's ICP finally stopped flashing and the alarm went silent. In a blink the number dropped about twenty percent, Jay's brain activity falling to a very minimal wave pattern, but showing that indeed the seizure was subsiding. Immediately the ventilator was returned to Jay's breathing tube, the sounds of a steady body breathing filling the room once more. Amelia peered into Jay's eyes once more before alerting the room that pupils were equal and reactive, no signs of a lingering seizure. Will doubled over, dry heaving as Jay was returned to his normal resting state. Blankets were pulled back up, IV stands started dripping their medications back into Jay's very needy body. Amelia called for changes in Jay's steroids, anti-seizure meds, and a bunch of other stuff that Will was too panicked about to fully hear. He could only close his eyes, pray that Jay wasn't brain dead, and just hold in his place in the room.
"Will, come on and let's take a seat," Amelia spoke once everyone had cleared the room. Gently she placed a hand on Will's back, expecting a sudden smack from the older Halstead but instead got nothing.
"Will, Jay is alive and doing alright. But I'd love for you to sit down so we can talk." Ah, talking, something Will was not looking forward to. This didn't sound like a good kind of talk. Her voice sounding more like one that was going to tell him he had to make a call. Amelia asked once more, soon placing a hand on his arm and helping guide Will to his chair. He couldn't look at his brother he was so nervous. He just didn't have it in him to watch his brother quickly losing his battle right next to him. He was able to hear it all, but looking at him was just too much for right now. Amelia knelt down on the floor, getting eye level with Will before she started speaking.
"He had a round of cluster seizures. Now luckily, they were partial seizures, silent ones that didn't cut off oxygen. We saw that to be true based on the brain waves. Now, any kind of seizure is bad, but compared to what he had before he found out about the tumor I'd say this was about half that power." She waited till Will nodded, finally pulling his head up enough to look at her. When their eyes met she did her best to comfort him, giving him the best brave face she could while gripping his hand tighter.
"So far his brain activity is looking good. It is down a little but that is very common after cluster seizures. We're going to run the mental check in about thirty minutes to get a better picture, but we did the quick pain check and he responded right away. That's good." Once again, she waited till Will acknowledged her, watching him slowly nod as he did his best to breathe through the growing nausea.
"He's holding on right now. This was a setback, but he is holding steady in a safer zone."
"Is…this…is this permanent? The seizures?"
"Oh, it's a little too early to know for sure. He could be looking at some kind of epileptic disorder, it's not entirely uncommon, especially with where we worked today and where the tumor was growing. But this was more of a reaction to the brain swelling. It was a concern given his swelling is a little above normal." Will nodded, still not looking Jay's way.
"Is he brain dead," Will asked, now on the verge of tears. It couldn't happen right now. Not after all he'd been through. People failed to mention the roller coaster of emotions that can and do happen on neuro ICU floors. One minute you're celebrating a huge milestone only the next your looking at end of life measures, literally. He couldn't handle it, wasn't ready for that…ever. Amelia squeezed his hand tighter, shaking it a little before she spoke.
"No, his activity is down, but he's not brain dead. He's very tired and weak and in need of a lot of rest. That's why we're changing his meds and why we're going to keep a very close eye on him. Now, since he is unconscious and you are the medical proxy, I need your permission that if this happens again I'm allowed to perform a couple burr holes." Will sighed, head right back down into his chest. Had he known this kind of call would be tossed into his lap this early into the game, he'd have rethought the whole medical proxy sign off. Now this was when he looked over at Jay, allowing the tears to fall down his face. No one ever talks about the level of lifelessness people are in after a major brain injury, procedure, anything brain related look. It was beyond just sleeping, he had no soul, no life or movement about him. He looked every bit lifeless, like a dead person attached to life continuing machines; which Jay made very clear he didn't want. It was in the scanning of things that Will knew what he had to do, despite hating that he'd have to put his brother through more torture. But, if it saved his life and avoided the activating of the will, then there really wasn't another option.
"Is he able to be saved?"
"Yes, he could still wake up totally fine in the morning. This is just in case, Will." Will nodded, did a final scan of Jay before going back to her.
"Yeah, I'll sign whatever. Anything to keep us from having to follow that stupid DNR." Amelia reached over, offering Will a hug and he accepted. It was so unusual for a surgeon to be this heartfelt, this caring and going to the level of reassurance that they were at. But even being in a very unusual space, Will greatly appreciated it. Not that he was looking for it, but he was the odd man out in all of this. Jay had Hailey and himself, Hailey had Will, yet there wasn't someone checking in with Will, making sure he was still sane and stable after the long, tiring day. It wasn't that people were intentionally doing this, but still the truth remained. So to have this person, the person who saved his brother from the grasps of a deadly tumor remembering to look after him was everything. It was in the hug that he realized this surgeon was special, not like the rest of them, and truly was the only person that could get Jay to the other side of this whole nightmare.
"Do you want me to bring you anything? I'm here all night and I don't mind ordering something."
"Um, maybe some coffee…water…food would be amazing."
"Anything in particular?" Will shook his head.
"Whatever you'd like I'm game for." "Well, I hope you like vegan food." Will smirked, laughing as he rolled his eyes.
"See?! I got you to smile. You'll be fine. I'll come up with something and it'll be great." She rose to her feet, patting Will on the back once more before heading to the door. As she stood in the doorway she looked back up at Jay's activity, nodding her approval of it all. It still wasn't pretty, but it was improved greatly from a few minutes ago.
"Hang in there, Will. Jay is so we need to keep trekking along with him."
"Thank you, Dr. Heart. Thank you for all of this." She nodded, promising to be back soon before shutting the door. Will sat back in his seat, placing his right hand on Jay's bed and breathing out loud. He was still very close to vomiting, the need to touch Jay or something very close to Jay going to be the thing that kept him from expelling his stomach onto the floor. For exactly sixty seconds he sat still, breathed in tune with Jay's ventilator, and took great comfort in the two of them still breathing on this earth.
"I'm sorry you're having a tough time, Jay. But you've gotta hang in there. You're doing great. Just make it to tomorrow, alright? Make it till then and things will be so much better. I promise." Will wanted so badly to reach all the way over and hold his brother's hand, kiss his forehead, offer Jay some kind of sign that the other side was ready and waiting for him whenever he was ready. But instead he pulled his phone out, took a quick picture to send to Hailey before dialing her number.
"Hey! I just made it home. He looks good! How's he holding."
"Well, there's been a bit of a setback. It's not terrible, but it happened." He spent the next several minutes paying things forward: reassuring Hailey that Jay was going to be alright when in reality he had no clue if he was serious or seriously BSing.
…
And then it happened again, just after midnight. Same eerily way as before, things were totally fine, life very calm and all were resting. Next thing Will knew he was waking up to alarms going off, people flooding into Jay's room in an effort to save him. Just like the first round, Jay was very motionless in the bed, not moving or thrashing or whatever movement would normally come as a result of a seizure episode. Amelia was one of the first to breach the room, immediately checking Jay's eyes for confirmation of more partial seizures. Sure enough, the eyes were going crazy, left to right and unable to hold still even long enough for her to check pupil dilation. Jay and his very precious brain were under attack once more. The episode went on for a little longer this time, the seizures smaller but more of them occurring before things subsided. It was then decided that the next step had to be done. Jay needed the burr holes in order for the seizures to not only stop, but that his brain could finally get the relief it needed and Jay could come back to them. It was mild torture none of them saw happening a little over twenty-four hours ago. Comical, isn't it? All were anticipating the cracking open of Jay's skull and his brain being picked apart for hours. And yet, as Will sat by Jay's side, watching things get prepped for a couple burr holes into his brother's swelling skull, this was the thing that was tripping him up the most. He was doing everything in his power to not cry, gripping Jay's right hand as the pillow that was once tucked under his head was removed, in place of it a procedure pad, a couple of them to help combat the blood that would come flowing out of his head. Jay was still very motionless, just drifting ever peacefully in the world of the unconscious. He had not in a care in the world as the drill was set up, the whirling sound enough to make Will's stomach churn. It was too early for all of this, Jay was supposed to be alert, awake, asking when he could leave by now. Instead, here they were, trying to help his brain not explode by performing medieval acts on his head. It was all to save his life, it was all to rescue him, Will had to remind himself over and over again. It was in the slow removal of the dressings on Jay's head that things really started to sink in. Will's lower lip started quivering the more that was exposed. It was the scarring from the placement pins that really started setting him off, the dried blood all over his head causing his eyes to water, the waterworks truly flowing by the time everything was revealed to the world for the first time. In that instant Will was glad Jay wasn't awake for any of this, knowing his brother would not be happy to have him sobbing over how terrible he looked. He couldn't even bring himself to look at the incision or the placement of the ICP monitor and drain. It was too much for him right now. He was just coming to terms with the fact Jay had barely made it through a serious craniotomy. This moment in time was not the ideal time to see everything. Perhaps in the morning, or Christmas day, or never, would be a better time. But right now, at 1:17am on Christmas Eve, this was perhaps the worst time for Will to see his brother like this.
"Dammit Jay," was all Will could breathe out between the choked sobs. With great dislike for himself, Will couldn't bring himself to look at his brother's face or head anymore. Head hung down to Jay's hand, watching the IV line in his hand and reading the neuro ICU band on his wrist in an effort to get lost in something. Amelia was too enamored with getting things set up to notice at first, but it was in the final once over of everything that she took great pity on Will. She'd been there as a doctor, she'd wished she'd been there as a family member. Call her crazy, but she wanted to be at this point with both her parents. Because being here meant they made it, had had the surgery and were on the other side. But she also knew the true terror in watching a family member go through all of this. So out of respect she tested the drill only once, and even then not at full speed so the noise wouldn't freak Will completely out.
"Will, I'm going to tell you a little story," Amelia began while she marked where the drill would enter Jay's head. Things were going to be kept balance and equilateral, one burr hole on the left and right side of his head yet kept in the back. She was quick to make the small incision in the right side of Jay's head, blotting the blood out of the way before she lined things up.
"And you are not allowed to tell anyone else this. Very few people in the world know this story and I will know if this gets out," she jokingly teased. Will nodded his promise to not spill, still death gripping Jay's hand and not looking her way. She took a breath, lined up the drill, and began the story as the drill dove in.
"Dr. Heart becoming a heart surgeon, isn't that so poetically hilarious?! I thought so. I started medical school with every intention of becoming a cardiac surgeon. It was my passion, I had the whole t-shirt campaign laid out. It was going to be so corny but so perfect." Will was trying his very best to follow her, nodding as she spoke. But alas, it was hard to not hear the high pitched whine of a surgical drill piercing deeper and deeper into your brother's head. But he appreciated the valiant distraction, doing his very best to listen as she rolled along.
"Well, fast forward to my sophomore year of school. I decided to come home for Thanksgiving. My mom had not been feeling well since I went to school in September. She was tired all the time, having terrible headaches and was just not herself." Immediately a very satisfying pop echoed in the room. The drill quickly came to a halt as a gush of blood escaped Jay's head. Without fear and hesitation Amelia removed the drill and held gauze pads to where the blood was falling out, watching the ICP numbers finally come back down to a relatively safe level. Things were working.
"Will, stay with me," she spoke as she watched his head fall to the bed, dreading what terrible thing just happened to Jay.
"See, normally I didn't go home for Thanksgiving. With the break being so short and finals starting that Monday after I just didn't see the reason for the long drive back home. But, given that mom wasn't feeling very well and my dad kept insisting that everyone get together this Thanksgiving, I went home rather ticked. But looking back I'm very glad I did. We were told the day before Thanksgiving that my mom had been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. A very large anaplastic astrocytoma." That was when Will's head slowly came off the bed, his very tired and bleary eyes looking her way. She could only nod, getting things prepped for the other burr hole. The first one had finally stopped bleeding, was stitched back up in no time at all.
"Mom's tumor was much bigger then Jay's, was so deep and in areas that permanent brain damage would've all but likely taken her life on the table. Plus, this was the 90s. Medicine was nowhere near as sophisticated as it is now. So Thanksgiving we all sobbed, the weeks in between holidays were constant calls back and forth, trying to get through finals and race back home so we could all try and be together one more time, one last time." Once again the incision was made, the lining up was complete, and Amelia dove back in for the second time.
"She passed the day after Christmas, was buried December 31st. It was a true struggle, trying to get all of that together. No one was available because, you know, no one dies around the holidays." Will couldn't move, blink, do or say anything that made sense. How this story never got out was beyond him, but in an instant he got it…and was also incredibly grateful she was the one that took on Jay's case. He now knew without a shadow of doubt this truly was the perfect and only person qualified to rescue Jay from all of this. This time he didn't even flinch when the second pop of pressure rang out, was finally able to look Jay's way, even if it was for a second, as the two of them watched Jay's ICP number finally get back down to a level he could thrive with.
"I'm so sorry, Amelia," Will finally whispered. She nodded, tossing a bloody gauze pad and pressing a fresh one to Jay's head. This side of the things was very clearly the more pressurized of the two, the amount of blood coming out and the rapid decline of pressure proof of that.
"Well, that's not exactly the end of this sad tale. Next Thanksgiving, it was de ja vu. Except this time dad's was a glioblastoma. And he passed on Christmas. Two years in a row, watching a parent dying from a brain tumor no one could do anything about. So January of that year after my father passed, I decided to transfer to neurology. I had not a clue what I was studying and truly struggled at first, but I knew I had to do it. The whole time we watched my parents, I couldn't understand why no one even took a chance on them. Tried something to either prolong their life or try and save them altogether. I didn't want people to suffer like we did, live the life that we all had to survive for two years. So gone was the t-shirt idea, the puns and jokes and perfect scenario. Because if there's anything I've learned in all of this, it's that life is not built on perfection. It is a series of events in life that are strung together to tell a beautiful, trying, adventurous tale and how we handle those events creates our narrative of it all." By the time Will could look back up at her everything was back in place. Jay's head was under wraps, his breathing was normal and his brain swelling was settling down rather nicely. Jay was pulling through once more, doing incredible, healing things thanks in part to his savior: a short in stature, but kick ass southern woman with a story that made her a medical giant. She was one of a kind, to say the least. Will looked up at her and smirked, patting Jay's hand one last time before helping pull the blankets back over his still cold body. Jay was gunna make it. Certainly, he scared them all, but he was going to be just fine. As long as this woman had the final say.
"Are you single by any chance," Will joked, making Amelia blush and slip out a very relaxed chuckle.
"Well, that's definitely a first," she spoke flush red with embarrassment.
"Oh Will, we don't know each other well enough to ask those kind of things," she joked. There was a bit of a twinkle in her eye, the corners of her eyelids crinkled from smizing. There was something there. Call it high emotions after a very trying day or a spark of something new, but Will felt things shift. Amelia shifted her weight as she did a final scan of things, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she internally approved of Jay's condition at the moment. He was resting comfortably and stable. Yes, it took a series of seizure episodes and two burr holes, but at last she felt she could breathe a sigh of relief.
"So is that why you took Jay's case," Will asked? Amelia was surprised by his voice, jumping a little as she paused in her place in the room. She was quite literally halfway between the bed and door, assuming things were going to be quiet as she left.
"I'm sorry?"
"The AA, is that why you took it?" She was quick to nod. The truth was was that any time one of these monsters came her way, she knew she had to say yes. Even if the battle would be tough, she had to at least try. Call it trauma or trying to settle a score of her past, it was a very deep, philosophical pull to take these things down. Every victory in the present helped settle the pain of her past. Every save is another answer for why her mother had to pass away. It was too much to dive into right now, and she didn't know Will enough to talk about things in that manner with him.
"Yes," was the one word answer behind the psych 101 lecture in her head. She was ready to keep going, but it appeared tired was winning this round out. Will could only nod back, return to his reclined state as he tried to get himself in a sleeping mood.
"Well, I know I've said this already, but thank you for taking his case. Now I really know no one else would be able to handle this as well as you have and been as successful. So, thank you. And don't worry, your story is safe with me." Will did his best to reassure her, smirked a little as he pulled his blanket further up his body. Amelia nodded, ducking back towards the door before she spoke.
"You're welcome. And thank you, Will. I'll be back in a little while to check on him." She disappeared before Will could speak once more, allowing the room to fill with the sound of Jay's ventilator breathing peace and quiet and stability back into his weak body. Will did the last scan of the night, concluding that Jay wasn't well, but was now on the very smooth path to getting better.
"Good night, Jay. Sleep so you can wake up later," Will yawned. What he didn't see was Jay's right fingers attempt to curl into a fist, a sign to the world outside his still heavy eyelids that he'd made it through. For the next few hours, the Halsteads peacefully and truly rested.
…
When he woke up next, things were definitely different. For starters, Hailey was in the room, sipping coffee as she waved at him. With one eye open Will scanned the room, noting a lot of time had passed. There was no window in the room, but just his sense of things told him it had been quite awhile since he last resurfaced. The room had this cheery air about it. Jay was still very much unconscious, or asleep, but everything around him was better. His stats were greatly improved, the medication had just been refreshed and all dressings were fully inspected and switched out while Hailey was away and Will slept. The other big difference in the room was that Jay's bed was slightly elevated. Will at the time wasn't sure if that was to combat the swelling or an effort to try and stir him, but seeing him not in a completely flat sleeping position was welcoming to say the least.
"Good morning," Hailey whispered as Will slowly tried to sit himself up. The overly stiff joints, the sore side, and mouth that was as dry as can be told him he'd been deeply asleep for quite some time. He nodded at her remark, slowly extending his arms as he yawned himself awake. He so needed that quality night of rest, thankful that Jay had cooperated and granted all of them that.
"What time is it," Will finally asked, taking in the sights and sounds of the morning, thoroughly at peace with it all. It was day two, over twenty-four hours since this whole adventure began. They were well into things now, and all were happy to report being much better at handling it all. Of course, they still had so many things yet to undertake. But in this moment at this exact spot in the journey, all were doing well. There were no tears, no alarms going off, and certainly no one was denying things or freaking out. Jay was past surgery and through his first night post-op. Everyone was as well as they could be.
"It's a little after nine," Hailey whispered back, adjusting in her chair as she reached down to find Will's coffee cup.
"When did you get here," Will yawned once more.
"Eight. I couldn't stand being in the apartment all by myself for too long. So I ran by Starbucks on my way in and as promised, some peanut butter toast." Will chuckled as he watched her climb out of the chair, scoop into a to-go bag, and pull out two fully toasted, smeared with peanut butter pieces of toast. Laughing as quietly as she could she rounded Jay's bed, handing things off to Will as he adjusted himself to a point of being able to accept food and nourishment.
"Thank you. Why didn't you wake me up?" Hailey shrugged.
"You looked really out. Plus I know you had a rough night with him so I figured you wanted to sleep." Will nodded, taking a bite of toast before sipping the lukewarm coffee. He was sure when this all first arrived it tasted amazing. But even still, he was so food and drink deprived he gobbled it right up.
"So you heard?"
"I did…and I read your texts. Dr. Heart filled me in on everything, sounds like it started rough but after that things have been better." Will nodded, looking back at Jay before he spoke. Something was different, something was changing. The more Will stared the more he picked up on it. Jay was still very motionless, but this morning he looked a little more coherent. Unlike the previous day where he looked every bit dead or brain dead, today there was a shroud more of life in him. Call Will crazy, but he swore Jay was just snoozing at this point.
"Yeah, I don't recall how many times he was checked on after…because at some point I fell asleep. But yeah, he was doing a lot better last I checked." What the two of them weren't fully aware of was that Jay had been fully awake since the last check-in. He was fully able to hear things, now feeling a little more of the world around him. His ears were beating extra loud thumps of his heart rate, causing them to hurt all the time. Even with the earplugs, whispering sounded like shouting, his brain and consciousness going in and out depending on how loud things got. But he could feel more of himself this time, could sense that he was on the other side of something. At last, he had the strength and wherewithal to try and move. But he was quickly learning that mush brains don't really create a lot of power and mobility. As they were catching up and chatting the next several minutes away, Jay was using everything in him to move himself. A hand, a foot, something to alert the world around him that he was awake enough to want some company and explanation for what was happening to him. He was still not fully in control of himself, now realizing he hated the thing that was in his mouth and down his throat. That hatred was growing rapidly to a point where it was the only thing on his mind. He used everything and no one was noticing, just more and more talking and it was pissing him off. Was he alive? Were the other voices in the room dead with him and that's why they weren't noticing? Why wasn't he in control of himself anymore and what the hell happened? All of this a whole lot of other very basic things were floating in his head. It was in the sharp force of breath into his lungs that he finally found the strength to blink. The power of the breath hurt so much that it propelled the adrenaline to finally kick things into gear. He had to alert people of what was going on with him. Something was controlling him and he wasn't okay with it. He wasn't himself anymore, some other, outside force was running his brain, his everything, and he wanted it to end right now. It was in the attempt to blink that he felt the full pain of himself for the first time. It wasn't just his throat that was hurting, his head was pounding, his body felt to have been run over by a whole lineup of vehicles. He needed help, he needed relief, he needed answers. Getting to the other side, that was his only goal right now. Get to the voices, call out to them, seek the help his body was screaming for. He had to find the strength to open his eyes.
And so he blinked and looked and saw white before everything went dark. He allowed the powerful breaths to help him regain strength, muscle through once more. He wanted the light once more, he needed to see where he was. Dead or alive and in trouble, he needed to see his surroundings before anything else. Another round of breathing, another full body attempt to open his eyes, and at last Jay Halstead was back on earth. He blinked, waking up to find a world of life around him. None of it made sense, none of it was helping him connect the dots, but it was something new to look at and something to help him move forward with things. He blinked again, still getting nothing from the voices talking on either side of him. They were so loud, but so not paying attention to him. Jay knew he had to try something else, do something to get their attention. Moving was not an option, it didn't take a fully awake person to figure that one out. The whole world felt to be on his chest, his body feeling cemented to its' spot in life. In a way, he felt to be cheating things. The more alert he was and the more he saw, the clearer it came that things were very different, very off and not right. He was doing something that he shouldn't be doing. But he didn't care in the least.
"Help?!" Jay mentally spoke, looking left to right at the voices and still getting nothing. He closed his eyes, truly tried to get noise out now. And at last, the faintest of whimpers escaping from his being were what stopped all talking immediately.
"Jay," Will practically jumped with, soon crowding Jay's entire purview. Now the voice had a face, Will's to be exact, Jay figured out.
"Jay, can you hear us," Hailey called from behind him, placing a hand on his blanket covered arm. Jay blinked, opening his eyes to tears pouring down his face. He had to be alive or they all were dead. It felt to have been forever since he last saw them. But here they all were, reunited after a terrible, dark void of life.
"Jay, can you hear us," Will called once more, finding Jay's hand and squeezing it. Hailey was wiping the tears away from his face, both of them holding their breath as they waited for Jay to reopen his eyes. Which he did about a minute later, watching in growing fear as their once happy and elated faces faded into fear or unknown. Things appeared to not be well.
"Why are his eyes so..bloody," Hailey nervously asked? She looked to Will who peered further into Jay's face, which was too much for the sensitive brain to register. Jay blinked hard, whimpering again as a way to ask Will to back off.
"I don't know," he spoke, hitting the call button on Jay's bed as the two of them looked on.
"It could be from the seizures, or the burr holes, or just the surgery," Will finally concluded. Hailey nodded, finding Jay's other hand and holding it hard.
"Welcome back, Jay. We missed you. You made it through." Holes, seizures, making it through something. Jay had no clue what they were talking about. He remembers drifting off to…something. Something a very long time ago. He had no clue to be totally honest. But before anyone could speak to him, more noises and faces and their poking hands and instruments crowded the space. Jay was scared, lost, freaking out inside. He closed his eyes through the anxiety and fear growing in his person. He had not a clue what was going on, but had every intention of finding out. But first, the darkness was calling him home once more.