Joyce pulled the SUV to a stop in the back of the Sunnydale Natural History Museum and everyone got out.
"Okay, lets get the crate onto the dolly and wheel it inside," Xander said, already moving to put their plan in action, Dawn balancing on his shoulder which she'd leapt onto rather than be at knee height to everyone.
"We're going to get caught and get arrested," Willow muttered anxiously.
"And what could they possibly arrest us for?" Xander asked with a grin. "Breaking and redecorating? Nothing we are doing is actually illegal. Confusing yes, illegal no."
"Oh," Willow said, calming down as she considered the idea.
"If we get caught, we'll simply declare what we are doing is a form of modern art," Giles told her.
"How is this possibly art?" Buffy asked, as she easily lifted the long thin crate out of the back of the SUV while Xander grabbed the dolly.
Giles sniffed and turned up his nose. "If you don't understand my art, I'm afraid I can't explain it to you," he said haughtily.
Buffy actually began to get annoyed before her mother's laughter made her realize she'd been had. "Yeah, yeah, artsy types don't have to explain anything just look snooty and people buy it." She set the crate on the dolly.
Xander put on a tool belt. "Start berating me and acting like a mother hen," he told Giles.
"What?"
"You need to get in character, and I need to be annoyed and resigned," Xander told him. "The expression on my face alone should be enough to make the guards hesitant to approach us." He reached up and picked Dawn off his shoulder. "And you need to wait out here. I'm only supposed to be delivering one work of art not two."
Dawn giggled and blushed shyly as she was handed to Joyce.
"Well, come along," Giles told him, "and I swear if there is so much as a scratch on the artifact you'll be in debt for the rest of your life!"
Xander sighed heavily and tilted the dolly back, his entire being seeming to radiate annoyance, as the pair started off across the parking lot, Giles lecturing him loudly on the importance of the careful handling of historical artifacts.
"Think they'll get caught?" Buffy asked.
"No, or at least I don't think it'll matter if they do," Joyce offered. "Once they see the mirror, they'll help them put it up, it's gorgeous. I am definitely going to bribe that boy to make some things for the gallery."
"Like what?" Dawn asked curiously.
"Whatever he wants," Joyce replied. "The quality of his work is beyond compare. I'm pretty sure a coffee mug or ashtray made by him would draw attention to the gallery."
Buffy laughed. "Yeah, but with his sense of humor you might be better off giving him some suggestions of the sort of things you would prefer, unless you want a life-sized statue of the clown from IT, realistic enough that it gives anyone who comes in the door his fear of clowns."
"I could see him doing that," Willow admitted.
Joyce chuckled. "Seeing what he has created, his tastes may have changed, but I have no problem going over some ideas with him."
"How long do you think they'll take?" Dawn asked.
"Seven to ten minutes minimum," Joyce said. "We talked about this earlier."
"I wasn't paying attention," Dawn admitted, "I was thinking about how I could bust Xander out of jail if he got caught."
Everyone turned to look at the small maiden, resting in Joyce's arms.
"What?" Dawn asked. "It's not like it would be hard or anything."
"You think breaking Xander out of jail would be easy?" Buffy asked, rolling her eyes.
"I'm strong, fast, and at the moment… kinda on the small side," Dawn pointed out.
"But are you bulletproof?" Buffy couldn't help but argue.
"Nope, a bullet would pass right through me," she replied cheerfully, "and then Xander would have to stitch up the hole. As long as they didn't shoot my head, I'd be fine."
"Regardless of how little damage it would do, no breaking people out of jail, that's what we have money for," Joyce scolded her.
"Also, if you broke him out the cops would be looking for him and he'd be in a lot more trouble than just being charged with… mischief of some kind," Willow added.
"Fine, I won't break Xander out of jail unless it's an emergency," Dawn swore. "Okay, how long has it been since they went in?"
"Just a couple of minutes," Joyce told her youngest.
"Right," Dawn said and fell silent for a few seconds before asking, "And now?"
Buffy groaned. "You are wound way too tight."
"I wish," Dawn muttered, before blushing and trying to look anywhere but at the knowing smirk Buffy was sporting.
"What's the difference between three turns and four?" she asked curiously.
"No idea, but I want to find out!" Dawn exclaimed.
"No four turns until you're married," Joyce interjected.
"But I'll be human by then," Dawn whined. "How about no four turns until the third date?" she tried to bargain.
Buffy bit her lip to keep from laughing and Willow began to get a far off look in her eye as she began to blush herself.
0o0o0oo0o0
"Please drop this on the head curator's desk," Giles told the guard, an older man, perhaps a decade older than the watcher and fifty pounds heavier, handing him an envelope before turning to berate Xander once more on his clumsy handling of priceless antiquities, not letting him get a word in edgewise.
Xander gave the guard a look that said he was tired of all-the-shit-everywhere but especially here, as he wheeled the dolly around and followed the watcher out the front door, the guard giving him a nod in solidarity, having to put up with similar treatment from the staff himself.
It only took them a few seconds to cross the lot in the growing darkness and rejoin the others.
"How'd it go?!" Willow blurted out.
"Smooth as silk," Giles said with a pleased smile as Xander put the dolly away and caught Dawn who leapt out of Joyce's arms as soon as she saw Xander's arms were free.
"Miss me?" he joked.
"You were gone forrrrevvvverrr!" Dawn drawled out melodramatically. "I could literally feel myself unwinding."
"If you want to conserve energy, all you have to do is sit quietly and… never mind," Xander said with a smile. "I think we both know sitting quietly and trying to keep calm isn't exactly either of our strong suits."
"Darn tootin'," she said happily. "Sounds like being dead to me."
"What a coincidence," a broad shoulder man said as he stepped out of the bushes at the side of the lot with a slightly smaller friend, both dressed in black leather, "I was just thinking about how much I hated ventriloquists and their dummies."
"What did you just call me?" Dawn asked in a quiet voice that threatened overwhelming amounts of violence if the right answer wasn't given.
"You're pretty good, I didn't even see your lips move, but that dummy ain't going to save you," he said with an evil laugh, his friend joining in.
"Dummy," Dawn repeated softly.
"Gack!" the man choked out as Dawn suddenly appeared in his face in a blur of motion, her foot embedded in his throat. He stumbled backwards off balance with Dawn clinging to his skull.
"Call me a dummy, will you?!" she yelled out, as she rode him to the ground, pounding on his face, each blow snapping his head to and fro from the force of her blows.
"Dave!" the other cried out and spun around, game face coming out as he leapt towards the pair.
Xander stepped forward, his hand drawing a hammer from his tool belt, like a samurai drawing his sword, and embedded his hammer in the distracted vampire's temple, dropping him to the ground in one smooth move. "Dawn, trowel," he ordered.
There was thwack and the large man fell silent.
"What-" Joyce began.
"Vampires," Buffy interrupted quickly. "It's late enough for early risers to be out hunting."
"I need a stake," Dawn complained. "Anyone have a spare?"
"Dawn, what's rule number one?" Xander lectured.
"Don't die," she replied.
"Oh, right," Xander said. "Okay, what's rule number two?"
"Pillage, then burn," Dawn said brightly, as Willow and Buffy laughed.
"And how would that apply in this case?" he asked, as he rolled the vampire he had knocked out over and started going through his pockets.
"Oh!" she said brightly. "Collect the ice cream money, then stake the vampire."
"Bingo," he replied, as he emptied a wallet and cleaned the blood off his hammer onto the vamp's shirt before staking it.
"Here," Buffy said with a smile, passing Dawn a stake so she could stake the vampire.
"Keeping the jacket, well more a trench coat really," Dawn said as she collected the coat and wallet before staking it.
"Your first vampire!" Buffy said picking up a squirming Dawn and hugging her tightly, much to her annoyance. "Shush! Let me have this."
"Fine," Dawn said in a resigned huff, but couldn't help but smile a little as her older sister squeezed her.
"I thought vampires would be more dangerous," Joyce said faintly as she watched her eldest praise her younger sister.
"They are faster and stronger than humans by quite a bit," Giles said, "however Dawn is also enhanced by her current state and Xander…"
"Has a bit of experience dealing with them," Xander offered. "Plus, I really don't like them. The only good vamp is one fertilizing the flowers."
"Except Angel," Buffy quickly interjected.
"Except Angel," Xander agreed with an annoyed sigh, as he put on the vamp's leather trench coat at Dawn's insistence.
"Angel? Buffy's tutor?" Joyce asked.
"Master vampire, several hundreds year old, cursed with a soul by the Romani," Xander rattled off.
"He's a vampire with a soul?" Joyce asked, confused.
"I'll explain over pizza," Giles offered. "It's an unusual case."
"Every time I think I have a handle on what's going on something new comes up," Joyce said with a sigh, as they pile into the SUV.
"Well, if it is any consolation, Leprechauns do not in fact exist," Giles offered consolingly.
"Ever heard the phrase 'you can't prove a negative'?" Xander asked with a smirk as he buckled up and Dawn settled onto his lap.
"So, the Watcher's Council is lying?" Willow asked, getting what he was hinting at. "But why?"
"Because all they want is to be left alone and not hunted down for gold and wishes," Xander replied. "Damn fine cobblers though. If anyone had a lick of sense, they'd hunt them down to learn how they make shoes. There is no more comfortable set of shoes than ones they have laid hands on."
Giles turned around in his seat to stare at the teen. "Has one of your past memories studied with them?"
"Yep," he agreed with a smile, "and they're good people, just a bit cautious because of all the people trying to get something from them."
"You can make shoes?" Buffy asked, focusing on him.
"Of course, as well as most handmade leather goods."
Dawn pulled Xander's arms around her and sent her sister a warning glare.
"You are going to need an enormous workshop for all the tools you'd need to make even half the stuff you know," Willow said thoughtfully.
"Yeah," Xander agreed, "different tools for different jobs and many tools have probably been forgotten over the centuries so I'd have to build them from scratch."
"How many tools would you need to make a comfortable pair of boots that I could slay in?" Buffy asked, ignoring her younger sister.
"No more than half a dozen special tools in addition to common ones," Xander replied. "It's mostly just cutting and fitting leather. The complex bit is treating the leather so it's comfortable, durable, and attractive. I'd also need to brush up on modern designs, as everything I know is centuries out of date in the art."
"How about we pick up pizza and plan out breaking into the museum before plotting to have Xander make everyone shoes?" Joyce suggested."
"Yes, one problem at a time," Giles suggested, not wanting to be further involved in any teenage drama than he already was.
"Do we have a plan?" Buffy asked. "I mean besides have Willow disable the alarm and me stand guard outside the mirror?"
"They don't actually have an alarm system," Willow spoke up. "Well, they do, but it only protects exhibits and the doors. You'll be able to walk around fine as long as you can get in. The skylights aren't wired to anything, so would that work?"
"I am so going to dress in black and hum the Mission Impossible theme song while sneaking in," Xander declared.
"You are such a nerd," Buffy said with a laugh.
"Are you claiming you aren't going to be humming it?" Dawn demanded.
"No, I won't," Buffy said firmly, "I'll be singing it in my head as usual. If you hum it out loud it interferes in hearing other people sneaking around."
"Lord help us," Giles groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.
Beta by: Abyssal Angel and Mist of Shadows