Chapter 10- Put One Foot In Front Of The Other

"And it's out," the nurse announced as the tube popped out and landed on the bed.

"Thank God," Jay gasped, exhaling as the growing pressure suddenly dissipated. At last, he was free to get out of bed and be like everyone else: walking to the bathroom when needed. Hailey rolled her eyes and stifled a chuckle as she watch Jay gingerly land his head back onto the pillows, sighing rather loud as the hospital gown and sheets were put back in their place.

"Do you feel like you need to get up right now," Will asked? Jay shook his head, watching as more pain meds were pushed into one of the many lines attached to the central line in his neck. Today wasn't the best of pain days, things at a constant hum of unpleasantness. He woke up with a level of bruised soreness, things growing to a decent headache by noon. It was expected, since he was only a few days out of surgery still. He was bound to still have a good amount of pain at this point. The downside was that he was never fully coherent, always on the verge of falling asleep for quite sometime. Being awake for the catheter removal was the most with it he'd been all day.

"The doctor should be in soon."

"Thanks," Will spoke up as she slipped out of the room. Hailey took a seat on the bed, taking Jay's hand in hers as she watched him doze off. It was the Tuesday after, all of them in that weird limbo week between Christmas and New Years. No one wanted to do anything nor did anyone know what to do. It was the final week of the year, everyone either excited for the new year ahead or dreading that the year was almost over. Jay was certainly the first option, Will and Hailey probably in that boat as well. It had been a crazy last few months and even more dreadful few weeks. On top of that, Jay was looking at more months and weeks of uncertainty and treatment and not knowing what the future held for him. At first that scared them, but now in this final week of 2021 all were prepared for 2022. 2021 was the year Jay got sick. 2022 was going to be the year he got better…and many other things. But first, getting better.

Hailey sighed as she watched Jay finally fall asleep, watching his body go limp and relax as things gave out. It was incredible to see how far he'd come in such a short amount of time. Granted, he was still surviving on a lot and hadn't independently walked at this point, but it was in the little things that she could see improvement. It was in the eye movements, the body movements and way he was able to listen and observe. His personality was dampened by the drugs and still healing brain, but it was evident that Jay was coming back to them. He was going to be tired for quite some time and off in certain ways, but he was trying and going above and beyond to be there for them and fight for himself. It was way more then any of them could ask for and both were extremely proud.

"Love you," she whispered as she leaned forward, planting a quick kiss on his cheek, receiving a quick one sided smirk from the person who wasn't so asleep after all.

"You too," he mumbled under his breath, slowly opening his eyes as she pulled away.

"I want to go home," he spoke while holding her hand, jostling it a little to really stress things. He was tired of the weird sleep schedule, the sounds and smells and attire of a hospital. He wanted to be in his own clothes in his own bed, trying to eat his own food and live on his own schedule. He understood that he needed all the extra care and attention, but still the truth remained. He was a bit of a homebody when it came to sickness and recovering.

"I know. Soon though," she spoke back. A quick knock on the door ceased all silence and conversing between them, Dr. Heart coming through the door with a new person in tow. This person was the polar opposite of Amelia. To her bubbly personality and lively, outgoing nature this person was dull, silent, barely acknowledging those in the room. Furthermore, Amelia's youthfulness was overshadowed by the elderly, wrinkled exterior of her visitor, looking to be much closer to her retirement date then when she first started as a doctor. One look at her Jay figured out what was coming next. The baton of his care was about to be passed off to this new person. The surgery was now going to be the cancer treatment. This was the oncologist that was going to save him.

"Good afternoon guys," Amelia greeted, watching Will and Hailey wave as Jay tried his best to sit up and pay attention to things. She saw the exhaustion in his whole body, the fight to just be awake and deep desire to just fall back to sleep. More then anything she wanted to give him that afternoon of rest. But for right this moment it was more important that they discuss the next steps of things. It was time for him to learn of his upcoming life and potentially his fate.

"How are we feeling," she asked, speaking right to Jay as she stopped at the foot of the bed.

"Tired, but happy to no longer have the catheter."

"I thought you might like that," she teased. She smiled as she watched Jay smirk and roll his eyes. There was the personality. It was hiding deep down in there, but it was a delight to see it spring up every now and then.

"Well, your stats are looking really good today. You're recovering really well, aside from the pain but that's totally expected. So since you're doing so well I figured it was time to start talking about next steps."

"Yeah, I was kind of waiting for this," Jay quietly spoke back. Amelia nodded, turning to the person behind her and motioning to them while she introduced the group.

"This is Dr. Ebert. She's an incredible oncologist here at Northwestern and one that I trust the most with my patients. She's excellent at what she does and can truly perform miracles."

"Wait, is he needing a miracle," Hailey spoke up. Just hearing the correlation between Jay's name and miracle struck a chord. They all knew he had brain cancer, but none were expecting that kind of report so soon.

"Not right now, no," Amelia spoke up.

"I just want Jay to be in the best hands and he will be with her." Dr. Ebert took a step closer to the group, nodding to all before she began.

"Dr. Heart is too kind sometimes," she began, her voice reeking of ancient wisdom. Her eyes slowly scanned Jay, looking at him like she'd seen it all. There was a slight shake about her, a sloth-like pace to things, but one could see that this woman was probably a pioneer of her field. She was getting up there in age, but mentally she was just as sharp as ever.

"But looking over your case and MRI and other scans, I think you have a great, positive case here. Yes, there still is cancerous tumor remnants up there, but it's quite small and has not spread to other parts of the body, which is very good." She pulled out and iPad, placing it down on the little table intended for patient eating before scrolling to Jay's most recent MRI.

"Here is a scan of your tumor post-op."

"Wait, when did that happen," Jay asked?

"Just after surgery. The MRI machine was in the room helping us guide through things so we did a quick scan." Dr. Ebert nodded, motioning with a very wrinkled finger at the now small and less terrifying size of the monster in Jay's brain.

"Dr. Heart did the hard part for us, getting a very sizable chunk of that tumor out of there. It's quite impressive that she was able to get all that she could. Just looking at the scans before and after surgery, it was a very tough operation and you are very lucky to have her as your surgeon."

"Now you're the one that's being too kind," Amelia spoke up, all chuckling at her. It was a very unspoken of but rather true statement. No one else was capable of doing what Amelia did. Whatever the outcome of this whole journey, she was the life saver. Because without her the tumor would've become too big to operate on or even treat, essentially handing Jay his death sentence. She took the monster on when no one else wanted to or could. Jay truly did owe the rest of his days to her and at this moment, he had no clue how to tell her that or fully grasp it all.

"So next steps, after the chemotherapy discs are dissolved, which should be in a couple weeks, I'd like to start you on at least one round of oral chemotherapy and radiation. After those are done we'll rescan and possibly go another round with things. Given how little is left and the chances of the chemo already in your head doing a good amount of the work, one round of each thing might be all you need."

"What do you mean by chemo discs," Jay asked? He was completely clueless on that part. He wasn't sure if he'd been told about those already or it had somehow been overlooked by everything else going on, but hearing that he had toxic, killing chemotherapy resting on his brain treating a deadly tumor really peaked his attention.

"We placed a couple dissolvable discs around the tumor that are filled with chemo. It's very common for tumors like yours. When we can't get the whole thing I like to start the cancer treatment process right then. The discs are incredible and do really well. We've seen a lot of very promising things with them." Jay slowly and gently nodding, looking out at nothing as he pondered what was just said to him. While he was just trying to come to terms with the fact that he had brain cancer, his body was already down the road on treating it. It shocked him that that was taking place in his head. He'd seen the side effects of chemo before, fully understood the harshness and transformational qualities of that awful drug. Yet somehow he'd been living in this false bliss that he was in between things: in that between stage between brain surgery patient and cancer story. He didn't feel different nor was he experiencing the assumed side effects of the drugs. He wasn't sure whether to be thankful or dread what was to come. So instead, he long blinked, looking to Will to continue things.

"What's the treatment plan with oral chemo," Will piped up?

"So it is one pill for five days, followed by a three week break. The side effects are very mild compared to traditional chemo. There's no vomiting or hair loss but you will have a lot of fatigue and exhaustion."

"Well the hair part we don't really have to worry about," Jay joked, pointing his eyes up towards the top of his head, earning a few grins and chuckles for his efforts.

"Well you will probably still see normal hair regrowth while you're on the drug. The reason we use oral chemo over traditional stuff is because we're targeting very specific areas of the body and specific cancer cells. With traditional chemo were just trying to treat large areas. But with cancerous brain tumors that have not spread we're really focusing on just those infected areas. Plus, the oral drugs are designed to treat just those cells. It's a more recent treatment plan but has made tremendous progress in the fight on brain cancer."

"And then radiation," Hailey piped up?

"So that will be three times a week for three weeks. Again, just focusing on the brain cells that are affected. You might have some redness and other skin reactions to the treatment, but otherwise side effects are very mildly and manageable."

"So how long could all of this take," Jay asked.

"I would say a couple months. We'll go through all of this and then rescan. There's a chance just one round of all of this could take care of it."

"But of course you're still recovering from surgery so you'll need to take things slow. The body can only handle so much so we need to rest and rest and rest some more during this time. You're doing amazing, Jay. But in order to keep doing well you'll need to listen to your body and give it what it needs." Jay nodded, not totally on board with the idea of being on the sidelines of life for the next few months. But, if sitting at home fighting cancer was the way back to a normal life, he had no other choice but to take that. Jay slowly nodded as he yawned, now beginning to slink back down into the bed, cueing to everyone else that sleep was upon him.

"So for the next two weeks you need to rest and recover from surgery," Dr. Ebert spoke up.

"When you get discharged we'll arrange an appointment for you to come see me and we'll finalize everything."

"We could make it the same day as his first post-op appointment," Amelia chimed in.

"It's in the same building and that way we could save him an extra trip." Dr. Ebert nodded in agreement, making a note somewhere in Jay's chart of the plan.

"That is an excellent idea. We'll get it figured out then."

"Speaking of discharge…" Jay trailed off.

"If all keeps going well, how does Saturday sound," Amelia excitedly threw out there. Jay's eyes lit up, face growing delighted in the news. At last, he had an end date to his tenure at Northwestern. It wasn't tomorrow or the following day, but it was coming; soon.

"Sounds like a plan," Jay said.

"But, that's only if you keep resting and doing well and don't have any setbacks. Which means go to sleep, now." Jay nodded, watching as the two doctors announced their departure and headed for the door. Will and Hailey thanked them for everything, Amelia promising to be back in a few hours to check on things. Jay felt Hailey's hand trickle up and down his arm, the tense excitement flowing out of them and onto his body. The dancing of them was trancing, the positive energy coming out of them told him that hope and joy were coming back into her exhausted body once more. Perhaps she would have a life with Jay after all, that time wouldn't cut the story short.

"So I might be sticking around longer then we think," Jay joked as he was giving in to the call to sleep. His eyelids dipped and drooped as he tried to hold out for an answer, but was losing the battle of awake fast.

"Sleep, Jay. We'll be here when you wake up." She pressed her lips to his hand, watching him finally and completely fall asleep. Jay dozed the rest of the afternoon away with his old train of thought once more: he had a problem, he was getting it fixed. All was going to be well once more.

…

He slept for hours, the rest of the afternoon really. Hour after hour, check in after check in, Jay slept. He didn't move a muscle when people peered over him or talked out loud, nor did he stir when IV pumps beeped their obnoxiously loud tune and things got switched out. In all honesty, this was the first time Jay experienced deep, constant sleep since being in the hospital. Perhaps it was the knowledge of now having a game plan on life, or perhaps it was just more progress in the journey of recovery. All the other times he was heavily medicated or on edge or experiencing a setback. This time, this afternoon was the first time it was just him and his body and solid, much needed rest. Days like this would come and go. Jay would have days where he'd be more coherent and able to keep up with life and conversations, all to counteract with days where he slept for hours on end. It was going to be an up and down trail, but one they all hoped would be more up then down. Will and Hailey also took advantage of the restful afternoon, both dozing off here and there, both enjoying the quiet and peacefulness of knowing Jay was resting instead of something far more terrible. It was a little bit of an oasis, a break from the chaos of all that was to come. Jay still had a road ahead of him, obstacles to face and uncertainties to resolve. But in this very moment at this very date in time, he was providing his body what it absolutely craved: rest. Both were beyond proud of him for giving that to himself. Both were also elated to see him rest and look more and more human as the days went along. In such a short amount of time he'd advanced and done so much. He had quite aways to go before he was granted full clearance into life, but he was on the right path right now nonetheless.

What finally did stir him from his slumber was a very foreign and yet familiar sensation. He hadn't felt this desire in days, wasn't even aware he'd been doing it since entering the hospital. He never felt things coming in or leaving, but yet that very first sensation he knew exactly what he needed to do. It was awaken from his deep slumber or create a very embarrassing situation for himself, one that he hadn't lived through in decades. So against the deep desire to sleep through things and push himself more, Jay knew he had to wake up, alert his people, and get himself to that place he'd been desiring for awhile now. And so, very slowly and groggily he pried his eyelids open. His eyes wandered around the room, tracing the darkened mood to the room and the extra warmth and coziness to thing, which was a giant feat since they were still in a neuro ICU room. Jay scanned the room once, twice, noting the stillness of everyone and everything. He hated to ruin it all, but he had no other choice. He'd yet to stand on his own let alone walk out the door. Even at his new full force he'd never make it without their help. So after a quick clearing of his throat and rub of his eyes, Jay announced to the world the one and only thing he really needed to do.

"I need to go to the bathroom," he announced, his bleary vision allowing him to watch Will and Hailey simultaneously spring up from their seats, bamboozled at Jay's voice.

"What," Will rather quickly and nervously snapped back.

"I need to pee."

"Oh, okay. Well…how are we going to do this." Will's hands were a shaky mess, unable to stay still as he looked around the room for ideas on how to get Jay to the bathroom down the hall in a short amount of time. It was a handful of feet away from Jay's room, but given that he'd yet to walk and was probably weak and needing to go soon, he was very unsure of what to do next.

"I can hold it, but I do need to go," Jay answered for himself, hoping that would calm things down a bit. It didn't.

"Okay, we need to get a wheelchair, stuff unhooked. Hailey why don't you go run out to the nurse's station and see if they could help."

"Will, I can walk," Jay continued, now trying to sit himself up as best he could. It wasn't working very well. He could only make it to rolling half onto his side before collapsing, not putting confidence in his watch party at all.

"Jay, you've yet to walk."

"You said it's not that far of a trip."

"Yeah, for us. You've yet to walk around in the room, let alone out there."

"Will, I'm not going to the bathroom in a wheelchair." Will sighed, rolling his eyes and quietly groaning as he looked around for an answer. Jay was never going to change. The stubborn ass was going to be the death of him, or himself one day.

"Jay, do you think you can make it there," Hailey finally asked? She was on Jay's side, she figured when he said that he needed to go, the unspoken part was that he wanted to go there on his own.

"With some help, yes." Hailey looked to Will who pondered things a moment longer before reluctantly nodding. Jay's first walking trip was going to be to the bathroom.

"Let's sit you up first," Will spoke as he and Hailey took a side and helped him to the side of the bed. From there it was all about pulling IV stands out and undoing things, Jay soon free enough to where he could move arms and upper torso without things tugging. It was a very odd sensation, something he'd yet to have since being in the hospital. Every body movement or adjustment in bed something pulled or reminded him that he was hooked up to a lot. So to pull his arms close to his chest and be able to do that so freely was both odd and exactly what he wanted. He began to double over in shivers, feeling cool air on his back and legs for the first time in awhile, this odd doubled over stance and curl into things making him look so small and weak. Hailey wanted more then anything to just hug him and help him regain that strength, but that was never going to happen and plus, they really needed to get moving. So instead she helped turn him so that legs were hanging off the bed, getting ready to help push him towards the floor when Jay mumbled something about stopping.

"What, is something wrong," Will spoke up? Jay shook his had once more.

"I want to change." Will groaned.

"Jay, come on we need to get you down the hall." But Jay was persistent, slowly shaking his head as Will spoke.

"I can hold it. I'm not walking down the hall in a dress." Hailey sighed, moving for the two of them and grabbing the bag. There was no talking Jay out of things. He was going to get what he wanted even if he wet his pants on the way to the bathroom. She quickly unzipped the bag when she got to it, pulling out articles of clothing and being very lost on what to grab. The bottoms were pretty straightforward. He only had joggers in the bag. But it was the top that was throwing her off. He still had all the IVs and central line so any kind of hoodie was out. But she didn't know if a t-shirt would be okay or the zip up hoodie he wore the day of surgery. She was frantic for a moment, hands going up like she was lost on everything. Will saw it, answering the question that was flying through her mind.

"Just the pants and t-shirt is fine."

"And underwear too," Jay cut in. Hailey nodded, grabbing things and coming back as fast as she could, handing things off to Will before undoing the back.

"Oh that's cold," Jay spoke as the gown fell off his upper half without warning, sending out more shivers at the result of the sudden temperature change.

"Sorry," Will and Hailey spoke at the same time. Jay smirked as he looked down at himself, getting a first true glimpse of everything. The monitoring circles were still scattered all over his torso, his wrists each housing a serious IV port and arms peppered with tape and marks from where other things had been attached. Even this many days out and knowing a lot of things had already come off, it was upsetting to see that he really was living off of so much. As the t-shirt was gently placed over the top of his head and pulled down over his body, Jay took the time to look behind him and witness all the IV lines and cords that were once on him. It was a lot, a very stark and humbling reminder that as great as he felt, there was still so much recovering to go. Furthermore, it made his mind wander to what he looked like right after surgery and all those very early hours after. He'd gotten the summary of things, but being shocked by what was on him now only made the magnitude of those other days that much greater. The visuals were driving home the truth that he'd really been through so much, had essentially survived something traumatic. It was very humbling, Jay now feeling like a creep for even asking to go home so soon. Now he wasn't sure if he was ready, if he'd ever be to a point where he'd be living independent of all the medication and monitoring and limitations. It was scary him in a very different way, one that he never saw coming. This wasn't just an issue and quick fix, this was truly a life changing event…for all of them.

"You doing okay," Will asked, seeming to read the mind spiral all over Jay's face. Jay couldn't bring himself to speak them, simply nodding as he sniffed oncoming emotions away.

"Jay, you're gunna be fine. You've come a long way and you'll get out of here soon," Will spoke, seeming to be reading Jay's mind.

"Well we do need to get out of here soon so you don't wet the bed," Hailey teased. That one Jay smirked at, nodding as he cleared his throat to speak.

"Is this where we stand up to put pants on?"

"That's the idea," Will said, helping Jay scoot closer to the edge and encouraging him that he was had by he and Hailey. There was a little trepidation and nerves as he felt his toes touch down on the ground, but much to his surprise he didn't nearly collapse this time. Ah, there was some progress to things. He was a shaking, weak mess, but he didn't almost fall to the floor like Christmas Day. He was improving despite not totally feeling it.

"Just lift your leg a little," Will spoke as he tapped Jay's left foot, quickly sliding the underwear onto Jay's leg. Jay repeated the process with the right, soon feeling the elastic band of his underwear get snug on his sides. At last, he wasn't fully exposed to the world. They repeated the process with the pants, Jay sighing a massive amount of relief when he was fully clothed. At last, the hospital gown days were behind him. He never realized how much he loved being in loungewear till just now. He may have still been in the hospital, but at least he was in normal people clothes once more.

"Alright, are we ready to get this show on the road," Will jokingly asked.

"Yup, I now really need to go," Jay joked.

"Okay, despite everything we are going to take it slow. Remember this is your very first time walking around since surgery. We're not going to push it. I don't care how much you hate it."

"When have I pushed it?" Hailey rolled her eyes, patting Jay's back as she gripped onto his hand and the back of his elbow. This was the holding stance she and Will had developed with Jay. It was the best way to support without messing with things or making Jay feel super limited.

"Okay, here he go. One step at a time." Jay nodded, closing his eyes and inhaling before he lifted his right foot. It was a very small and somewhat clumsy step, but Jay made it. He shuffled his left foot to met up with his right, repeating the process once more before he even realized it. It was amazing that after everything and being so many days and a brain surgery since he last walked, his mind knew exactly what to do. It was a pace much slower then he liked and more of a struggle then he was alight with, but Jay was walking nonetheless. The great shuffle happened all the way to the door, everyone taking a pause as Will opened the door and made sure Jay was strong enough to continue. He pestered his brother once more, who became rather frustrated and attempted to walk before all were ready. But before long all three were out in the hallway, making their way down the forty foot path to the facilities.

The very first thing that ran through Jay's head was how normal he felt, which was very odd considering he was being assisted by two people. But at last, he was at a level where people weren't looking down at him or gawking or feeling bad for him. He was freaking walking! He was doing something everyone on this floor wanted to do. He never said it, but he was beyond proud of himself for pushing to become mobile once more. It was incredible to feel his weight under him, sense ground pressing against his feet and just the ability to move under his own power and will. They only had to stop once between Jay's door and the bathroom, mostly because someone was already in the bathroom when they got there. Now there was the other foreign yet familiar sensation, that moment where you're standing right outside the bathroom and your body strains things that much more. If Jay could, he'd have done the potty dance, trying to hold it all in as the person already in there rudely took forever and a day. But instead he just craned his neck to the ceiling, praying for things to hurry up because he was about to burst. But in doing that he gave himself an instant headache, that movement enough to stir his still fragile brain into reminding him it wasn't ready for big things like that.

"Oh I'm getting a headache," Jay spoke when he finally was able to walk into the bathroom.

"Wait what? Was it sudden onset? Do you have any other symptoms," Will quickly and worriedly asked.

"No, it's just from moving my head like that," Jay quickly spoke back, hoping some calvary wasn't going to barge in and drug him. Hailey made it all the way to the toilet before letting go.

"You know the reason we get along so well," she joked? Jay shrugged.

"We haven't seen each other go to the bathroom." Jay chuckled while nodding his head. Hailey beamed at him, patting his arm before slowly letting go.

"I will be right outside. Holler when you're done," she said as she walked out, closing the door behind her and standing guard. That left Will at the toilet with him, yet another thing Jay never imagined happening in his life. They were brothers, but they too had never seen each other go to the bathroom. Never, not even when they were out and at a urinal. It was a very odd moment, one that both were very suddenly nervous and awkward about. That once very big urge to go dissipated as Jay just stood there. Call it performance anxiety or just a weird guy thing, but as Jay stood there and watched and waited…nothing happened.

"I'm not looking," Will said, turning away but still holding onto Jay's arm. But even doing that didn't help, the presence of Will was enough to make things cease.

"Hey, what do you think of the treatment plan," Will spoke up, doing his very best to distract Jay from things. It was that or the hand in warm water trick.

"I don't know. I was expecting the full blown chemo treatment. But I like the idea of not having to puke my brains out."

"Yeah, as scary as brain cancer is, with the treatment option you're doing it's not too bad. You're just going to be tired a lot but that was already a given with recovery."

"Part of me is excited and optimistic, that maybe in a few months I could be cancer free and have all of this behind me. But then the other part of me is worried about things coming back and getting worse. I know that can happen with higher grade tumors."

"Jay, that's always a possibility with any kind of cancer. That's why you go back for monthly checks and then yearly at some point. But can we just take comfort in the fact that you have a plan and there's potentially a way out? I don't think you fully realize how lucky you are. From where we were when we discovered everything to right now, you've been so incredibly lucky and fortunate." Jay was about to speak up, but a trickling sound stopped him. Will smirked as he listened to the very promising sound continue, patting Jay's back as he silently praised him. They were silent till Jay was complete, flushing things down before calling Hailey back in.

"Well," she asked?

"All good," Jay spoke up, allowing the two of them to help him turn around and head towards the door. Will's hand was on the door handle when Jay stopped him.

"To answer your question, you're right. I don't understand how or why I got so lucky." Hailey looked up at him before going to Will, clueless on what Jay was talking about. She hadn't heard the first part of the conversation, but to see the emotions welling up in Jay's eyes told her all she needed to know.

"But for some reason I'm at peace with it all. At first…when the diagnosis came down I didn't want to believe it. I thought this was all some massive understanding. But…being here now and seeing how big and scary everything is and I'm only aware of about half of what happened, I don't get how I got here and why I'm able to walk and talk and do things while others can't. So…whatever the treatment is or the outcome, I'm okay with it. I just hate that you guys have to live through it all and watch." Hailey wrapped her arm around Jay's waist, pulling him into a side hug as he sobbed for one, two, several minutes. Will took the other side, creating a three person hug. The three of them stood in that bathroom for a good long time, praying there wasn't someone else out there waiting to use the place. Because it was evident that Jay needed this, all of them really. There was peace, relief, realization coming out of him, something they hadn't seen in quite sometime. Jay was spot on, since the whole diagnosis there was some level of denial living in him. Oh, he never thought the tumor wasn't real, but to an extent he didn't think it was as bad as everyone said it was. So it was very comforting and freeing to see Jay this way, in this state of acceptance. Because while it was true that there was a treatment plan in place and a potential end date if all went well, there was this element of admittance and ownership. One could not fight for something they didn't fully understand and believe. So while it was odd to have this moment in a hospital bathroom, both Will and Hailey were glad this moment had finally come to fruition. No longer were they going to tiptoe around things or try and make Jay believe things. He now got it, was fully on board and willing to fight for himself. It was poetic, beautiful, exactly what Jay needed.

"I'm proud of you," Will spoke in Jay's ear as he felt things died down. Jay could only nod as he cleared his throat, Hailey reaching up and wiping his eyes. She did her best to smile at him, gingerly stroking his back as she did her best to show that she was with him in all of this.

"We're all in this together," she said.

"We're going to be there every step of the way and you're going to have a very long and happy life when it's all said and done."

"Hopefully," Jay choked out.

"Jay, we're going to put our faith in the best possible outcome, but even if it doesn't happen we will make the most of what comes up. But you're not alone in this. It may be your fight, but you are not alone."

"She's right," Will chimed in. Jay nodded, becoming very fascinated with the floor and his feet. He couldn't make himself look up and talk to them, he just didn't have the strength or desire to start crying again. So instead he motioned to the door, trying to convey that he was ready to get back into bed and take care of the still oncoming headache. It was a quiet, slow shuffle back to the room, but arm in arm and one supporting the other, all of them made it back to the room without much holdups or setbacks. It was a beautiful picture of the days and weeks to come. Jay in the middle, relying on the two on his side to help guide and steer and support him through the winding and treacherous cancer trail ahead of him. The cancer-free summit was the end goal and all three had every intention of doing their very best to get Jay there. It would be a tedious and painstakingly slow adventure, but they were going to be together no matter the outcome.