Chapter 11- Homeward Bound

It was a new dawn, it was a new day, it was the first day of the new year and what a stunning, glorious, snow filled and sun radiating day it was outside. Almost like the world was aware Jay was coming out of that window-less hospital room and into the real world once more, the Chicago scenery had it's finest on for the day. The snow that fell on Christmas day hadn't really left, in fact another quick storm blew through a couple days ago and the temperatures had incubated everything, creating a very wonderful winter wonderland. But more on that later. We will get there in time. Because of course, Jay's day did not start out blissful and wonderful like the world he was eagerly anticipating getting back into.

The night prior he was oddly a very tired mess of a person. It was the first time in his life that he didn't make it to midnight on New Year's Eve, was out like a light just after 9pm. Hailey had made arrangements to stay in Jay's room with everyone until midnight. Given it was Jay's last night in the neuro ICU and it was a holiday, everyone seemed to not care or worry about when she left. All day long Jay rested, walking around the floor a couple times but was a little reserved and cautious about everything. The arrangement was that should nothing around a setback happen, he could leave on New Years Day. They were so close to it that the very last thing Jay wanted to do was push too hard or overexert himself and force himself into an extended stay at 525. So he did his walk in a slow, steady, normal pace before eating his light meal and then resting most of the afternoon. Dinner was a very fine course of pudding and toast and Gatorade, followed by talks of what the following day would look like before diving into a binge of some random show on Netflix. It was something about real estate, a choice of Will and Hailey's and Jay was just along for the viewing ride. Somewhere between the first and second forty-five minute episode Jay's head had dipped to the left side and his whole person had fallen asleep. Will and Hailey paused their viewing party to adjust the bed positioning and Jay's head, tucking him in with rolled eyes and quiet praise for doing so well that final day. He didn't stir when it was announced that midnight had arrived, not did he awaken when Hailey planted a quick farewell kiss on his cheek. It's like his body knew that departure was hours away and the fastest way to get there was sleep. He slept through the 1am check-in, the 3am as well. But alas, he was wide awake for the 5am, and my goodness did he wish he wasn't.

"Good morning," the nurse quietly greeted when she saw Jay tracking her in the room. He was barely above sleeping, more staring into nothing to try and grasp things then actually acknowledging someone was there and coming close to him. Jay didn't react to her greeting till she had pulled her computer tray into the room, scanning his hospital band before choosing medication refills. Even when it did finally click that someone was there, all he could manage was a slow nod and little wave before looking around other parts of the room. It was either really late at night or super early in the morning, the extra quiet mood to the place and Will being completely passed out evidence of that.

"Here are your meds," the nurse quietly and joyfully spoke as she handed Jay a paper cup with three pills in them. He had not a clue what they were or their intended purpose and why he needed to take them right then. All he knew was that his body needed them in order to get him out of this place. Swallowing three mystery pills was his ticket out of the joint and he willingly gulped them down, polishing them off with a swig of water before tucking himself back under the sheets, which was his mistake he'd soon learn.

"Oh, I just need your wrist for a couple seconds," she politely spoke when Jay first didn't understand what was going on. As she tried to pull the blankets down and away from his arms, Jay was holding onto things, very clueless on what was happening. He was not about to be touched or messed with without warning or explanation.

"Why," he groggily asked.

"Because I need to take the IVs out." Now Jay felt like a creep. This poor woman was just trying to do her job and he was being a dick about it. But a split second later his brain registered what she was saying. IVs, coming out, right this very minute in time. He was not told this was happening now. Of course he knew they had to come out before he left, but figured that would be later in the day when everyone was awake to comfort and distract him. But as she gingerly placed her hands on his right wrist and slowly started peeling the tape off, Jay realized this was going to be a self soothing expedition on his part. Will was dead to the world, completely out and fully unaware of what was happening in the bed next to him. You could practically feel the uneasiness, smell the tension and nerves dripping off of Jay as things grew closer and closer to the IV needle and port being yanked out under his skin. Jay was using his left hand to death grip the bed as he shut his eyes so tight he could've burst a blood vessel in his face. He half remembers at least one of these IVs going in, and was very out when the second one was inserted, but the removal was feeling so much worse then when it went in. Perhaps it was the revisiting of the fact that he had a large needle stuck in his skin for almost ten days, but Jay could not help himself as the last of the tape was pulled up and things ready to be pulled. He did not squirm or cry out like a child, but he was pretty close to it. Silent misery was his trick, lips moving to quietly speak good affirmations to himself, that he was fine and it all would be over in a second. He prayed to fall asleep, but it never came.

"And it's out," the nurse announced before Jay even realized she'd put pressed on things and yanked, the gaze pad and bandaid wrap were being woven around his wrist in seconds. Jay opened his eyes and watched and observed an IV free right wrist. It was odd, freeing, a mark that he was halfway done with the torture session. Why he had two arms Jay was unaware of. Jokingly he wished he was missing a left wrist as the tape began to separate from his skin. Now unlike the right IV extraction, Jay found words to speak out loud, going with the distraction method this time around.

"What about the central line," his voice quivered.

"That is going to be done later in the morning. We don't pull that out. That's a whole other team."

"Why is that," he asked once more, eyes glued to the gloved hands that were honing in on the IV port now, just about to pull things away.

"Oh, it's just a little more serious then an IV. There's a specific way it comes out and we aren't allowed to do that." Jay realized he shouldn't have asked, the description of what was to come making the dread swell. All that she left out was that the needle was bigger and deeper, which he kind of figured out through her description of things. But on the plus side, he didn't feel the left IV come out at all. In a moment he was completely IV free, both wrists now proud owners of wrap bandaids and growing bruises along the port and needle points.

"Okay, I will let you rest. See you in a couple hours."

"Thanks," Jay yawned.

"Sorry I was such a nervous wreck and jerk about things." The nurse smirked as she shook her head.

"You did great! Get some rest." Jay scooted down in the bed a little more, trying to doze off with the fact that more pain and misery was on it's way. He was aware that it had to happen in order for him to leave, but knowing it was coming, soon, was putting things in a whole different perspective. Unlike the prior hours, Jay was really struggling with going to sleep and staying asleep. However, it was nice to move his wrists around without fear or limitation of things. Home was soon, he just hated he had to have last jabs from medical teams before he got out of this place.

…

When he woke up next it was quite obvious that some great amount of time had passed. For starters, Hailey was there, telling him it was at least after 8am. But it was the coffee cups scattered up on the little table for patients, that had multiple lip marks on them and the balled up food wrappers that told it was well past the earliest arrival time. Food and drink had been consumed, looking to have been there awhile now. Furthermore Will and Hailey weren't in their seats, communicating with each other over things. They all had fallen into a deep habit: beginning the morning with coffee and food, sipping and discussing the day or events happening outside of the room. From there they would start moving around, doing things like cleaning up or showering or getting ready for the day. After that it would be lounging around the afternoon before getting things settled in for the night. Dinner, final bathroom breaks and walk arounds before tucking Jay in for the night before one of them snuck out with a promise of repeating the process the following day. It was a very new and unique way of doing life, but for this time of year and the situation they were in it was quite normal and suited things. Of course, throughout this series of steps things were focusing on Jay. Keeping him talking and entertained, feeding and making sure he had fluids and rest and trips around the floor. All were fully invested in the hospital lifestyle by now, to the point Jay was a little worried that when they left they'd all be clueless on what real life was all about. But those worries quickly came and went. It would be like riding a bike. Once they smelled the real world and got those first tastes of life outside hospital walls, they'd be back to their old swing of things in no time. So as he watched them packing things up, folding clothing and handing things off to each other, he was figuring out that they were probably closer to lunch time than breakfast, his lull of a stomach growl encouraging him to stop staring and speak up for himself. Which he did after a long blink and quiet clearing of his throat.

"What time is it," he greeted those way past the end of his bed. It was Hailey who was the first to turn his way, giving him that signature, wide and illuminating smile. Her eyes were practically sparkling with excitement and joy, her whole mood that of utter jubilation. They all were at varying levels of giddy today, knowing that they were to the stage of last times. Last morning in a hospital bed, last meal in a hospital room. Last night Jay did his final walk around the floor and this morning he'd change into his 'going home outfit.' It was next to impossible to not be overly ecstatic about the day.

"Hey you! It's a little after 10." Jay eyes went wide for a second, his whole person freezing at the mention of the time. He slept a very solid and consistent five hours straight. That's almost an impossible occurrence in a hospital. Clearly after the IV removal he was in need of a solid shutdown.

"Are you hungry? Thirsty," she asked as she watched him slowly pull the blankets down, gently rubbing his eyes as he sat up on his own. Yes, that was something he'd relearned while in the hospital. He could sit up and move around in bed with very little limitations. Walking was still a work in progress, but he was getting there.

"Hey, the IVs are out," Will noticed, pointing to the wraps on Jay's wrist.

"Oh yeah, those came out earlier this morning," Jay spoke through a yawn.

"And you made it without needing help?"

"Oh, that would've been nice. But I didn't want to wake you up. I'm actually shocked you didn't hear any of it."

"Why, did you scream," Hailey teased? That one Jay snorted yet, sighing as he looked around for food, a drink, something to silence his growling stomach. This time around everyone got to hear the lurching and grumbling of his hangry tummy, Jay holding his stomach as it growled its' sounds.

"Here, I brought you one of your shakes from home," Hailey said while reaching into her bag, pulling out the medium carton sized container of drink. It was a hybrid of protein drink and a shake, not quite as thick as a traditional shake but had the flavor.

"Which flavor is it," Jay asked while taking the container in his hands. He was so in need of substance that he didn't bother reading the label, just cracked the lid open and started chugging.

"Vanilla. I know you like that one a lot." Jay downed the drink in three giant gulps, trying to hand the carton off to her before she could finish giving out the rest of his meal.

"And here's a bar. I would've brought some peanut butter toast but I didn't know if you were ready for it." Jay smirked, nodding as he peeled the wrapper off the bar and started eating. It was still a weird sensation to chew, the act of moving his jaw sending out twinges of pain or sensitivity or discomfort across his head. He was told that was normal, that it was the act of moving muscles that had been effected by surgery one way or the other. Over time it would all go away, but in the moment it felt very strange. It's why he hadn't worked his way to big, more meaty or heavy foods yet. It was going to be a progression of sorts, a very slow paced race back to being able to eat whatever. The other part was that his stomach still needed time to adjust. It had gone days with living on an NG tube and fluids and had survived the body draining brain surgery. Every step of re-eating was met with bouts of pretty dire nausea. So at this moment feeding Jay was almost a full time job. His mind and body wanted him to eat, but it was the knowledge of what would come with that and after that made him very hesitant to try anything new. It was quite unusual, seeing Jay refuse food or just ask for liquids, but that's where they were with things. If nothing else, this period of time between going home and getting back to doctor's appointments and treatment would be trying to get Jay back on a somewhat regular feeding schedule. He hadn't lost enough weight for people to be concerned, but it was noticeable that Jay had lost a few pounds since being at Northwestern. Hailey noticed it when he changed every morning, Will noting the even flatter stomach and shake on the extremities, along with the clothing hanging off of him a little more than normal. It was going to be a full encompassing, restful yet exhausting time: keeping Jay entertained while getting rest and food in him. But alas, all three were looking forward to the next stage of recovery.

"Do we have any idea when we might get out of here," Jay asked once the food was finished and things were cleaned up. Will and Hailey had finished their tidying up of things, bags lined up close to the door with Jay's going home outfit folded neatly on the top of his bag. Socks and shoes were added to the pile today, those being a very odd sight to Jay. He honestly couldn't recall the last time he wore shoes (he's aware it was the day of surgery). But so much had happened in nine days that life before surgery was like this fantasy life that they only talked about. He was ready to go home, leave this room and see the sights of the city and the smell of the delicious smells of life, but strangely enough part of him was a little clueless on what all of that meant. It had been so long and so much had occurred that he was trying to remember what it was like to walk down the street, get up for work and actually go to the district, or just shop at a grocery store. It all sounded like a splendid life, a fairytale way to live, but apparently he'd done all of it. Perhaps when he got back out there it would all flood back, but right this very moment he felt like a little kid once again, experiencing life for the very first time. There was a little bit of nerves, some amount of antsy feelings, and some hesitation, but overall he was excited to just get back into a real home with a real bed. He was so totally unaware of all the limitations and layers to living out in the world with a recovering brain, but that would come in time.

"I think we're just waiting on Amelia to sign off on things…and have them take out the central line obviously. They actually wanted to do it this morning but you were still out so I said to hold off," Will spoke.

"When was that?"

"Like around eight? Hailey wasn't here just yet. They said they'd try later in the morning." Jay nodded, returning to his usual perch of against all the pillows. He was suddenly nervous for what was to come. The thought of someone pulling an extra daunting needle out from his neck enough to make any other excitement about going home vanish. He was glad he was out when the thing was put in, wishing he could be knocked out for when it came out. But that would probably set things back even more so there was no other choice but to just make it through things.

"I went shopping this morning," Hailey piped up, noticing the uneasiness in Jay as he sat and stewed in his mind over the whole central line episode that was to come. Jay managed to look her way, but still the dread was written all over his face. She chose to not harp on it, instead to do her best to help make it go away.

"I got some of the Gatorades that you've been having, perhaps a couple things of Coke and those lemon drinks you really like?"

"What about snacks?" Hailey smirked. There was the food monster coming out.

"Oh yeah, got all of those. We are well stocked for a couple weeks of rest and eating and fun." Jay nodded. still looking terrified of what was to come, but perhaps things had toned down a little.

"What do you want to do tonight," Will asked? Jay had not a clue. For the first time in nine days they all had a night to plan, things to think of and figure out for themselves. It was odd, but a welcomed oddity.

"Honestly, I have no idea. Definitely staying in." Will and Hailey chuckled and nodded at that. No way was Jay ever going to get cleared to dine out at a restaurant. That was weeks, perhaps months away.

"Well, we'll figure something out," Will responded.

"Are you ready to go home," Hailey eventually asked?

"Yeah! Yeah, I am," Jay replied.

"Well, you don't really sound it." Jay nodded, looking down at the bed as he looked for some kind of response. Because the truth was was that he was ready to get out of here, but he was also a little hesitant. He was leaving a very controlled, quiet world and stumbling into one that wasn't going to be suited for him. Things weren't going to be quiet and subdued and relaxing, nothing was going to be expected and prepared with his new sensitivities in mind. The real world was chaos, an out of control storm that you just survived in every day. It was long, tiring, unexpected and sometimes never ending. So to know that and incorporate a brain that wasn't able to keep him awake for more than a couple hours at this point, it was easy to see and understand the trepidation.

"Hey, it's natural to be scared," Will covered for Jay.

"It's not that I'm scared. It's just…"

"You don't know what's going to happen," Will finished. Jay nodded. He didn't have a better answer for it.

"Well, it's kind of impossible to know what's going to happen. That's natural to be hesitant about diving into something you don't know, especially after you've been out of it for awhile and been through all that you have. But, just remember that you've recovered to a point where you don't need all this help and medical attention and assistance anymore. Yes, you're still recovering and needing to take things slow and careful, but you are not where you were nine days ago…or even ten days ago really. You have gotten better in many ways, Jay. If you weren't ready, you wouldn't be leaving today. Know that." Jay had a hard time fully embracing Will's words, but there was some comfort in the truth of it all. He had gotten better, he was leaving the hospital with a greatly reduced brain tumor. It was rather true, he came in with a deadly tumor and was leaving with an improved but still sensitive brain and body. That was progress, he was healed in a sense, so there was some level of immediate comfort in that. But almost as a cruel reminder of the unexpectedly chaotic nature of life, a knock at the door rang out just then. All three immediately turned in the direction of the noise, Jay's stomach sinking to the floor as he noted that he knew none of the people coming through the door. It was central line removal time. He might've groaned a little as their smiling faces entered.

"Good morning everyone! We're here to take that line out," the leader of the group spoke to everyone, mainly Jay. It was a group of three, all men and all looking very surgical. The scrubs on their body and the air of having just left an OR sending that one home. Jay swallowed as he nodded, instantly dreading what was about to happen.

"Can you take your shirt off," one of them spoke as they made it to the bed, slowly beginning to lay the bed flat as they spoke through things. Jay managed to pull his arms out of the sleeves of his shirt, his whole body shaking in nerves as he looked to Will to help with the rest. He could put his arms in and out of shirt sleeves just fine. It was the dressings on his head and still not being able to feel much that made pulling things on and off difficult.

"Why do I need to do this," Jay asked through a whisper as Will took things off.

"So you don't ruin the shirt," Will obviously spoke back.

"How bad is this going to be," Jay extra nervously asked?

"Not too bad, we're just being extra cautious," the lead person of the removal answered, making it known that they heard Jay and Will conversing.

"Okay, just lay back down," Jay was instructed, in doing so feeling that the pillow had been removed and in it's place more surgical drapes and pads. Jay was hating this all immensely.

"And we're going to numb you up really quick," a voice spoke as more padding and drapes were placed on Jay's head and upper body, everything coming to a point around his neck. His head was turned so that the central line was flush to the world. Hailey took Jay's hand as the lidocaine was injected in several places around the central line, Jay wincing at each poke with a harder squeeze of her hand. Hailey took her other hand and rubbed it over their formed fist, patting it and telling Jay he was doing amazing.

"Can you feel this," was asked to Jay about a minute or so later, gloved fingertips poking around the area of the central line. When he found words once more and said that he couldn't, things began happening.

"Okay, we are cutting the suturing around the central line," was calmly spoken as scissors came out and indeed snipped the black medical thread, loosening things in no time. Now Hailey was squeamish, unable to watch things get cut away from Jay's neck and yanked around for better grip. It was one thing to see a small needle coming out, but a whole giant line that had to be sewn in place was where she drew the line. So cue Will to step in a keep the dialogue moving as Hailey looked down at her hands holding Jay.

"Doing great, Jay. It's almost ready."

"Uh huh," was all that fell out from Jay's very tight lips. He was terrified that speaking would damage something, hold up the line from coming out and he'd live with a dangling central line in his neck for the rest of time.

"Some pressure," was the very last thing Jay heard before things started going. He was growing to hate the 'pressure' word. Because while it was used to help soften the idea that medical things hurt, it did not take away the reality that things being pulled out of the human body were greatly painful and uncomfortable. Nerves, even numbed with injections, still had this funny ability to sense when things were being messed with, pulled in and out and hurting them. So the spoken of pressure was more like sharp waves of pain and pressure, like something was pressing as hard as they could onto his neck. If Jay had the power and ability to he'd reach over and death grip the person causing him all this pain and discomfort; it was just a natural response. But instead he just gripped the life out of Hailey's hand, squinted deep and prayed that it all ended soon. However, what came next was not a finish line, but more levels of fear and freak out.

"Get me more gauze," was spoken to someone, the voice that of the person right over his head. Whatever was going on was needing more then the expected amount of gauze. Jay could only envision bleeding out from a gaping hole in his neck. He swore he felt the life draining out of him, life whole life flashing before his eyes. Even laying flat he felt lightheaded and on the verge of passing out. He's very dramatic, we're well aware.

"What's happening," Jay panted underneath all the layers of protection.

"Just a little bleeding," Will reassured, trying to ignore the steady stream of dark red blood pooling out of his neck and into a gauze pad that was very quickly filling up and being replaced. This happened for a good minute or so before things finally slowed down. More dabbing, a lot of wiping and cleaning of things, Jay had finally stopped bleeding.

"Just some more lidocaine," was spoken as the needle was jammed into his neck three more times, Jay just closing his eyes and praying for it all to be over, that life could take him anytime now. However, three stitches and another couple minutes later, the torture was over and Jay was totally and completely IV and central line free. He was a normal human once more.

"And we are done!"

"Thank God," Jay remarked as he slowly moved his head so it was back to staring at the ceiling. In all honesty he couldn't feel the left side of his face, neck, or chest, feeling like that entire side of him had been chopped off. He felt very woozy, dizzy, off centered thanks to the numbing medication. But, the tugging of the line was no more. Indeed, the thing really was gone.

"Let's keep you lying down for a little bit. The doctor should be in shortly. She's with another patient now but I think after that is dealing with your discharge."

"Sounds good! Thanks so much," Will spoke for the group as things were cleaned up, tossed and being carted out of the room. Jay was too busy breathing as best he could through closed eyes, praying for the anxiety and panic to die down. He already been through it all, why was the adrenaline rush happening right now. Hailey waited till the room died down before looking back up at Jay, placing a hand on his chest as she observed things. In place of the central line was a giant white gauze pad taped to the side of Jay's neck. It was off putting, looking at the size of the pad and then the contrasting blood remnants and other bodily things that had been wiped off. She was a little worried about how things looked under the pad, but was also elated that there wasn't a scary central line anymore. At last, Jay was looking out of place in this hospital, having zero lines or IVs or monitoring anything on him. Comparing that first day to now, she had not a clue how they arrived at this moment. But it was true, this was where they were. As she watched her betrothed pant and sigh and mumble something about making it all stop, she couldn't help but smile and pat his chest in immense pride and joy. He'd accomplished so much, but was completely brought to his knees by a single needle.

"Do you want to pull the blankets up," she asked while doing that very thing. Jay nodded through closed eyes, still panting aloud as he felt the warm fabric brush over his now very chilled and naked chest.

"Can you also sit the bed up a little," he asked? Will obliged by moving things to a point where he wasn't only able to look up at the ceiling. This was the first time Jay opened his eyes, scanned the room once more before breathing a little easier and more relaxed. He'd freaking done it. All that was left to do was get dressed and sign on a dotted line. Freedom was tantalizing close.

"Proud of you," Hailey spoke, her hand still on his chest as she sank to her knees, chin resting on the bed as she just stared at Jay.

"You did great," Will said while sitting back down in his chair. Jay could only nod, close his eyes and just keep doing his best to breathe through all the trauma he'd endured. All silently realized in unison that this was the end, the final moments of a terrorizing, rewarding, humbling chapter. Surgery was no longer a spoken of thing, Jay had actually done the fucking thing and made it to the other side. He really truly was going home.

"Thanks guys," Jay finally whispered after a minute or two of dead silence. Neither Will nor Hailey spoke anything back, they all knew the profound and deep meaning behind those two words. More than anything, they were just glad Jay was here on this side of the story with them.

…

Jay had literally just zipped the zipper of his hoodie up halfway and slipped his final slide onto his foot when the long awaited knock on the door echoed into the room. In an instant, the orchestrational grand finale of everything was upon them. What was once a slow and quiet and serene mood to the place ramped up into an all cylinder firing, every instrument singing as loud as it could final gasp to things. Jay was just moments away from getting out of the place. All three looked to one another, realizing that this was it, the moment had arrived.

"Hi everyone, sorry I'm so late," Amelia spoke once she was past the doorway. There was a bit of sadness to her, her face downtrodden and demeanor rather subdued to her. For a moment Jay weirdly thought it was because he was leaving the place, that she didn't want to see him go back into his world. But then he recalled the quick report earlier of her having a patient, and that as soon as that was handled his checking out would be dealt with. It was true that she arrived a lot later then anyone thought, but then again that was the case with just about any discharge from a hospital. If you're told you're leaving in the morning, prepare for an afternoon leaving. There are just so many steps and moving parts it always takes longer then anyone anticipates. But combining Amelia's mood to her later than expected arrival and Jay figured out it wasn't good news on the other end.

"How's the other patient," he asked as she did her best to gather herself, scratching a nonexistent itch on the top of her head as she fiddle through Jay's discharge papers. His question caught her by surprise a little, her head snapping in his direction as she looked at him rather lost on how he knew she had other patients.

"We heard you had another patient you were dealing with this morning."

"Ah, yeah. Yes, I was. But, they didn't make it so…" All grew silent at that one, Jay most especially. Knowing what she did for a living, the odds were it was someone in a situation like his and most likely a neuro ICU neighbor. He felt ill for being able to leave as well as he was. While someone's life ended on this floor today, he was getting to leave all of this behind and live a life far more normal then a lot of residents on this floor. He was both humbled and eternally grateful while also feeling very so deeply for that person and their family. January 1st 2022, a day that saw life and death, beginning and end pass through just feet apart from each other.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to bring you guys down. It was a tough case but still, losing them never gets easier."

"Amen, I know the feeling," Will spoke up. Hailey just sat on the bed next to Jay, hanging her head out of silence and respect for whoever was lost. She didn't know what to say because she couldn't totally relate. She wasn't a patient on this floor and she wasn't a doctor. She was the one that usually came in after events like these happened, not before or fought to prevent it all. So silence was her only solution.

"Anyway, today is still a very exciting day! You are going home nine days after surgery which is absolutely amazing." Jay could only nod, purse his lips a little as he adjusted himself on the edge of the bed. Amelia took the lead on guiding things away from the heartbreak down the hall and back to the more upbeat mood of Jay's case. She breezed over the discharge orders, practically having them memorized at this point. These were instructions and words she loved speaking, because it meant her patient had done very well and survived surgery and was getting back to life. As much as she hated having to tell someone they had a brain tumor, it was all worth it when she got to do this speech.

"Technically you are still on bedrest. Which means you needs to rest in a bed preferably, but a couch is also totally fine. The name the game is rest and relaxation and doing everything you can to keep things calm and controlled and quiet for the next few weeks. We do want you to walk around and stay mildly active, but no walks around the block or working out or any sexual activity for at least another month. Now of course with your cancer treatment that might change, but standard is a month and then after that it's gradual as you feel comfortable." Jay nodded, looking to Hailey who was smirking and trying her best not laugh at the sex mention. It's not like they had any plans of doing said thing, but still the fact they had to be told not to brought them back to their teenage years. The two of them rolled their eyes before looking back towards Amelia.

"You are on the usual pain meds, take them as prescribed for the next two weeks and then after that as needed. You've done really well with pain management here on the intravenous stuff, we don't want you having a set back when you switch to the oral stuff at home. So, set an alarm, have someone remind you to take things, do whatever you need to do to take those on time every time. Also, since you did have a couple seizure episodes after surgery you are on anti-seizure meds for the next six months and then you'll start being monitored for potential weaning off after that. You take those everyday but once a day. Then you have steroids to help with the swelling that's still there, another medication that's going to help stunt and possibly shrink the tumor while you're in this limbo period between surgery and treatment. Again, take as prescribed and don't stop till I say to. Or the oncologist says. Any questions?"

"What about sleeping positions? Can I sleep on my side?"

"Well, I would say do that as you can handle it. So long as you don't sleep on the surgery side of things, you're not doing any harm. I would only say laying flat too fast or for too long might cause pressure which will lead or pain and discomfort. So again, just as you can handle it. Anything else?" Jay looked to Hailey who gave him that look of it was his question, not hers to answer. Jay turned to look over at Will who shrugged his shoulders.

"I think we're good," Jay spoke. Amelia nodded, grabbing for a pen out of her jacket pocket before turning things over to Jay.

"Well, well, well. Jay Halstead just sign on the line and you are a free man. Well, free to go land on your bed at home." Jay smirked, willingly taking the pen and paper out of her hands, signing initials, because that's all his shaky and mush mind would allow for at this time. Just like that, Jay Halstead was no longer a resident of Northwestern Memorial Hospital.

"Let's get a quick hug," Amelia spoke as her arms were reached out, wrapping them around Jay before he could prepare or answer really. Her grip was tight, energetic, almost like this was the final time they'd see each other. After all they'd been through, it was strange thinking this was the final time, the last moments of them being a team.

"Thank you," Jay spoke into her shoulder.

"Thank you so much for everything."

"Oh Jay, don't get sob story on me right now. This isn't the last time we're gunna see each other."

"It isn't?" Amelia smiled, chuckling as she pulled away.

"Your appointment in two weeks, remember? That's when we check on everything and get another scan to see how things are healing. Then we can do the whole, big farewell thing."

"Sounds good because I want quite ready for all of that," Jay joked.

"How strange isn't it? I'm the brain surgeon and your the patient and yet somehow we hate to see the other go." Jay nodded in total agreement, all of them laughing at how very true that was. They hated the situation Jay was in, but absolutely loved Amelia deeply and wished the connection never went away. She moved down the line, hugging Hailey first before Will, reminding both of them to keep Jay under control and resting; both promising to do their very best.

"Oh! I can't believe I almost forgot this. Take off the dressings when you get home. You're okay to let things air out now and plus, you need to be tracking when stuff starts peeling away."

"Okay," Jay sighed. He had to admit he'd kind of forgotten about that whole part of this thing. With everything under wraps the drastic change to his exterior had slipped his mind this entire time. But just like that, it all came back. His decision to have everything gone and now having to go through everyone seeing that—and himself if he was being honest—was now weighing on him. He didn't care what he looked like, but he also didn't want others looking at him funny. It was going to be a weird growing stage for all.

"And one last thing, I'm having the nurse give you some vomit bags for the ride home. I don't know what it is about the drive home but a lot of patients have a hard time with nausea and vomiting. So just in case, I want you to be prepared."

"Sounds…fun!" Amelia nodded, hanging on the door as she said her final words.

"Oh, you'll do great. Awesome job, Jay. See you in a couple weeks!" One more wave, a last smile and laugh, and as soon as she came, Amelia was gone from Jay's story. The promise of reuniting one more time keeping all of them from bursting into tears. Like clockwork, there was about a minute break between Amelia departing and the nurse coming in with the wheelchair and bags for Jay, announcing that it was time to go.

"Did you guys use valet," she asked as she parked the wheelchair close to the bed?

"I did this morning," Hailey said. Bags were gathered up, Will taking his and Jay's before holding Hailey's in his hand, hoping to hand it off to her once Jay was situated in the wheelchair.

"Ready to get out of here," Hailey asked, holding out a hand for Jay to steady on. He smirked at her, answering her by taking the hand offer and allowing his feet to touch down onto the floor. He was still wobbly, but getting much better with collecting himself and being able to stand upright and walk. He did the three step march before allowing the two women to help him turn around and sit in the chair.

"Hailey, your bag," Will said as the breaks were unlocked from the wheelchair and the little party was slowly dragged towards the door. Jay was handed the puke bags, they were crunchy plastic material, oblong shaped and blue with measurement lines on the sides. Jay had not a clue why anyone wanted to measure vomit, that taking up his thought process as they made it into the hallway. There was no looking back or taking final notices of the room that was his whole world for the last nine days. It was full of life and then dark, empty, and still: a very poetic and sad comparison to another room somewhere close to Jay's. They worked their way through the silent hallways and areas of the floor, bidding farewell to everyone they came across. More hugs, final well wishes, it was a sea of goodbyes and hopes to never see Jay again in this place.

"Is it still snowing," Jay asked once they were on the elevator and heading down to the first floor.

"No, it stopped a couple days ago. But it is still pretty cold out so not much of the snow is gone."

"Nice," he spoke while pulling his jacket closer to him. As they made it out of the elevator Hailey remembered that they packed Jay's beanie in his bag, rummaging through it and gently pulling it over his head before moving toward the exit. It was more of a stretching it as big as they could over his head and then slowly rolling it down into place, but for the trip between their current position and the truck Jay looked as normal as he could. Hailey knew he didn't want to look ill or draw attention to the fact he'd had brain surgery nine days ago, so his nod of thanks was met with a nod back.

"I got you," she remarked, patting his back before they all started moving once more. They made it through the lobby, going past all the elevators and gift shop and whatever else resides close to the front of a hospital entrance.

"Here we go," Will announced as the large glass doors slid open and fresh air blasted Jay in the face for the first time in nine days. The sun was shining extra brilliant, the rays reflecting off the mountains of snow to create prisms of light that seemed to be smacking Jay in the face from fifty thousands directions. He immediately squinted at the sudden change in lighting, almost forgetting the cold because he was far more consumed with the light and strength of the harsh outdoors and how it was causing damage to his brain. Couple that with the people walking around the the road and car noises and all the sounds and smells of the city, Jay was in sensory overload. He went from dying to have all this freedom and life to instantly wanting to escape back inside, throw himself under the covers and try this again next week. He was overwhelmed, beyond scared, trying his best to press on and get into the truck. He was this close to his finish line, he had to push himself. As Will requested the truck to be pulled up and Hailey made sure to pull out money for a tip, Jay closed his eyes and held his head in his hands. Once again, ever grateful for Amelia and her immense attention to detail and future plans, Jay's brain was zeroing in on the vomit bag tucked between his left leg and the side of the wheelchair. Because instead of being elated that his shining baby of a ride was some ten feet in front of him, Jay was just doing his best to stave off the oncoming puke. He knew it was going to happen, soon. He just prayed he made it safely into the passenger seat of the truck before it all came out. Reentry was so far sucking royally.

…

He did make to the passenger seat of the truck before his body could not hold things in anymore. The moments between sitting outside and getting to the truck and getting in, things ramped up rather quickly. To Will and Hailey, this was a very full circle, perfect and beautiful finale of Jay's time in the hospital. He was taking his final steps, his final breaths and sights of hospital life, about to bid this time of his life farewell and head into the great big world of unknown. To them it was a quiet, somber, yet very exciting time. They were under the impression that Jay's silence was because of this closing of the chapter idea, that he was scared or nervous or some other emotion of having to say goodbye to all of this. Funny though, this whole surgery and stay was full encompassing all their lives. The weeks leading up to surgery day felt to be years. And then the day of surgery and every moment after that was a sea of chaos and unknowns and many victories. It was both a lot to handle and very humbling and a grace filled experience. So while their minds were there with things, trying to be that strong force coupling with Jay's assumed mixed bag of everything, Jay was just trying to not puke all over the valet parking spot of Northwestern Memorial Hospital. His mind was all consumed with the vomit that was very quickly stirring up inside of him and was really truly just trying to get to a spot where the world wasn't going to be staring down at him. He successfully made it to resting in the passenger seat before his body gave the green light for everything to come up.

"I'm gunna puke," he quickly yet calmly speaks, pointing to the bags that are still on the wheelchair's seat. Will did hear Jay, smoothly and speedily grabbing the bag and opening it enough so Jay didn't have to.

"What," Hailey inquired as she watched the speed and heaving start. So much for the storybook ending. Before she could register what was happening Jay was doubled over, his stomach just unleashing whatever it had stored away. Over and over, gut wrenching noise after noise, Jay's body was letting it be known that it wasn't happy with things. Will continued to rub Jay's back, telling him things were fine and he needed to just let it all happen. The episode lasted for a good two minutes before Jay sighed, slowly resting his head back against the headrest, keeping his eyes closed as he caught his breath.

"Hailey, stay with him," Will instructed as he took the vomit bag out of Jay's hand and headed for the closest garbage can. Hailey took over the hand holding of Jay, literally. Using her left hand she rubbed Jay's shoulder, the right hand holding his right. Jay just kept breathing, mildly coughing, just doing his best to collect himself.

"I'm sorry," Hailey eventually spoke, the awkwardness of no one speaking encouraging her to utter something, anything.

"It's fine. I just want to get home," Jay roughly spoke. His voice was definitely deeper, scruffy now thanks to the puking. Hailey hated that this was how he was ending things.

"Alright, how are you feeling now," Will asked once he returned?

"I just want to go home."

"Any sudden headaches? Any blackouts or sharp pain anywhere?" Jay shook his head the whole time, not wanting to hear any of it. No way was he going back into that hospital. He was literally sitting in his ride home. The next time he was getting out was when he got home.

"Okay, my guess this is just sensory overload. I think that's why Amelia gave us the bags just in case. It can happen after brain surgery when you have a big change in things."

"So what do we do," Hailey asked? Will did a scan of Jay, knowing the very likely outcome and comparing it to what he knew Jay would be on board with. Typically they'd bring a patient in, drug them up with anti-nausea meds and watch them for twenty-four hours before trying things again. But he knew his brother all too well, knowing they were going to have to conduct the twenty-four hour watch period at home. It was a matter of getting him from here to there without causing more setbacks or potential damage to things. It certainly was a balancing act. But when Jay announced that he needed to throw up once more Will knew he had no other choice. As Hailey took over caretaker duties, Will got into the driver's seat and pulled everything out of the very exposed parking area and to a place along the curb a little further down the driveway. Will sat and watched as Jay puked his brains out more and more, this time things lasted about as long as the first episode, soon dying down just as they did last time. It was amazing how quickly Jay had deteriorated. Half an hours ago he was talking, walking, energetic and ready to get home and make plans. Now, he couldn't even open his eyes without throwing up. He was rather weak, exhausted, looking about as ill as one could be. He didn't look like someone who had been granted permission to get out of a hospital, rather someone who should be checked in.

"What do we do," Hailey asked once more, this time whispering out of respect for the fact that Jay was feeling terrible.

"Hold on," Will spoke as he pulled out his phone, fingers flying as he texted Amelia for approval for the plan he'd come up with. They all sat in silence, Jay trying to adjust in his seat and wincing in pain and tiredness in the process.

"Just lay the seat back a little," Will encouraged, Hailey jumping out of her seat in the back to open Jay's door and help lay him back a little.

"Still no headaches or sharp pains or dizziness," Will asked once more?

"Nope. Just the nausea and exhaustion," Jay announced. Will nodded, texting the symptoms back before getting instructions.

"Okay, you have an anti-nausea med being called in and I'm gunna run in and get a shot of Phenergan."

"I don't want another shot," Jay complained.

"Jay, it's the shot or we stick a suppository up your ass. You pick."

"Fine." Hailey smirked as Will smiled in victory, climbing out of the driver's seat and running back inside to get things. Hailey kept rubbing Jay's shoulder, doing her best with it since she was in the back seat and Jay was lying down trying to just sleep through things. It became more like a finger massage on the top of his shoulder, but still it was the thought that counted. Jay would grunt or moan in misery and approval of her finger placement, the quieter yet steady breaths of the two of them filling the car space for quite sometime.

"Will's coming back," Hailey whispered as she caught Will in the passenger side mirror about ten minutes later, Jay nodded through his still closed eyes.

"Alright," Will greeted as he flung Jay's door open. The sudden change in temperature and light and noise earning them more grunts from Jay, sharp jolts of reflex and hands going towards his eyes as Will continued.

"We can do the shot right here, right now but I must warn that you will fall asleep in a couple minutes. This stuff works but it's super powerful. So, we can give it to you now or we chance things and do this at home."

"Home, I just want to get home," Jay spoke, and wouldn't you know that was the quickest response he made the whole day. Will nodded, carefully closing the door before rounding to his side and getting things ready for take off. Making sure Jay had another bag in his hand at the ready, just in case, Will turned to Hailey who nodded for things to just get going.

"And away we go. We're headed home!" Jay gave a small but successful thumbs up. He didn't bother opening his eyes to take a look back at the hospital, nor did he ask Will to stop things as they all admired the view out the windshield. He was satisfied with the road change from driveway to road, the thud of the change in pavement grades enough for his closure of things. Just as easily as the tires rolled over one surface to the next, Jay's time at the hospital was ongoing and then behind him just like that. He was a free man. Too bad he wasn't feeling like one right this very moment.

The only good news about it being January 1st was that not very many people were on the road. All were either combatting the late night partying or just avoiding going out in the bitter cold. But whatever their reason, the end result was that not very many people were out, making the ability to pull over and help Jay whenever he needed to expel more things that much easier. Before crossing the river Jay threw up two more times, another two times before they pulled onto the street where he lived. Every time started the same: Jay announcing he needed to throw up, leaning forward and just letting it all out while Will and Hailey helped coax him through the whole ordeal. The hardest part was finding a trash can to toss things into, but they were able to come up with things…eventually. A McDonalds trash can might've been the victim of one of Jay's puke bags, but in a moment of crisis it didn't matter. They were not about to drive around holding onto things. It was a very slow, terrifying, and treacherous journey from the hospital to front door, all three would admit to celebrating way more than they should have when the truck pulled into a parking spot close to the front door. It felt as if they'd achieved something historic and almost impossible.

Jay would admit to blacking out at this point, his body seriously trying to shut everything down because all was just too much to handle. Sensory overload was an understatement at this point, he brain had seriously had enough with everything. The bumps of the road made the healing skull flap click extra loud in his ears, the white world outside his eyelids were still shining rays of nauseating sunlight into his person, making his eyes sting and that being the root cause of his vomiting sessions. The radio wasn't turned on because the noise was like someone driving pickaxes into his eardrums, and talking was kept to a minimum. It was both shocking and humbling to see how much recovering he still had to do. Jay really felt that he was cheating things, living this lie almost that he was well enough to be home and resting away from all the side effects of living in a hospital. His progress there lead him to believe he was well and progressing nicely, which was still very true. But not being able to see the world outside his window and experience life and his reentrance to things was a huge smack in the face to his reality. He was still quite fragile, despite his resentment for that idea. He did need all the help and rest and peace and calm he could get over these next few weeks. If going outside was going to be like this every single time for the foreseeable future, then Jay was going to do everything his power to be strong and fully ready before trying any of this again.

"And we're here," Will quietly spoke, putting the truck in park as Hailey stretched her arms out, exhaling as she opened her door before gathering the bags that had been placed next to her. It was here that Jay was finally able to open his eyes, appreciating the cloud coverage to the world. The lack of direct sunlight allowed him to look things over without the sudden need to throw up. Indeed, it was a winter wonderland to everything. The snow plows and sidewalk cleaners had been busy the last few days, gathering all the snow to the sides to create these giant and unique hills and mountain ranges along the streets and sidewalks. No longer could you see the curb, having to guess where things were close to the curb without sticking out into the street to hitting the concrete walls. Jay took comfort in seeing that no one was out on the sidewalks, the cars weren't racing up and down the street and no one was honking their horn. Things were far quieter at this end of things, Jay very appreciative of everything. He didn't want a big welcome home committee nor did he want the craziness of city life. In time, he'd get back to loving it all, but right now he just wanted peace and calm. His wandering eyes were pulled to the passenger door that was opening for him, Hailey smiling at him as she sat the seat up enough so he could roll out and onto his feet.

"Ready to get inside?" Jay responded by sitting up, swinging his legs out before Hailey held his arm to help him get out.

"Do you feel like you need to throw up," Will asked as he took the other arm and the two of them helped Jay touch down on the sidewalk.

"No, but I am starting to black out a little so we need to get in there." It appeared telling both of them he was blacking out was all they needed to push him through things. It was true, when he wasn't throwing up he did have moments where he fell in and out of things. It was quick, nothing deep or prolonged, but he would fade away before snapping himself back into reality. And it was happening once more. He had no memory of walking through the front door or getting to the lobby. He does recall standing on the elevator because it was the first time he saw himself in some kind of reflection. In the obscured and weird shaped mirrored image on the elevator door, he saw a very frail and ill looking person staring back at him. The person was resting on two people, unable to keep his head up for very long and looked the very opposite of what he usually was: strong, able, independent. Honestly his reflection scared him and he didn't want to see it again for quite sometime. Getting off the elevator was quick and walking through the front door was very uneventful. Jay vaguely recalls seeing something green and decorated in the corner of the living, balloon hanging things all over the foyer and living room area followed by some big white paper hanging over the entrance to the kitchen. Things were becoming quite blurred, not able to make out any kind of wording or meaning to anything he was seeing. He really needed some sleep. The last solid memory he had was collapsing onto the bed, truly absorbing the softness and plush nature to the bed mattress and bedding, his mattress and bedding to be exact. Will dosed him with the powerful drugs into his arm as Hailey pulled off shoes and help tuck him into bed.

"I'm gunna run to the store and get his drugs," Will announced just after Jay fully fell asleep. Hailey nodded, slowly climbing into her side of the bed and getting comfortable on her side.

"Sounds good. I'll have my phone on and stay with him in case anything happens." Will nodded as he slipped out the bedroom door. Hailey felt under the sheets and comforter in search of Jay's hand, finding it and grasping on to it for dear life. Her eyes were magnetized to Jay's face, watching him breathe deeply and peacefully as the powerful drugs took him on quite the sleep filled adventure. There wasn't much movement to the rest of him, further proving every part of him was exhausted. But despite all of this, a promise had been kept. They were together in this bedroom and in this bed once more, living on the other side of the biggest hurdle of Jay's life.

…

It was so very odd waking up in his own bed. A thought Jay never imagined thinking, but it was becoming more and more true. Opening his eyes and feeling the space around him, Jay was both very happy to be there and also had nothing to grasp onto. The drop tile ceiling of the hospital room was replaced with a real ceiling, Jay observing the ceiling fan sitting up there above him lifeless and still. Turning his head to his left Jay looked at the curtained off window, noticing that the sun had set, streetlights and city outline twinkling through the curtains as a soft backdrop to the world inside this room. The soft support of the bedding and strength and comfort of the mattress under him was so unusual after nine days in a hospital bed, Jay felt to be in pure luxury. The final stop was the bedside table, the personal items placed close by friendly reminders that indeed he was human and did have a life before all of this. The phone he hadn't seen in forever, the watch that hadn't been worn since surgery, both laying in their usual place, almost asking to be touched. Behind all of that was a framed picture of him, Hailey, and the rest of the team out at a very rare dinner party. All were happy, relaxed, not at work. He had no clue why this photo was the one to be chosen to be at his bedside every morning, but he was very appreciative of the reminder of life way before everything went up in smoke. Jay stared at that shot for a couple minutes, capturing everyone's faces and tracing other memories to them. They'd all been through so much as a unit. So much had changed since that photo was taken. Both good and bad, life had taken all of them on a never ending roller coaster ride of an adventure. Jay so desperately wanted to see everyone, be back in that setting and do what he was born to do. But then the thoughts and feelings and realities of everything that happened today brought things down. He wasn't sure he had the strength to get out of bed, let alone ready himself for the day and drive himself into work. He was very weak, very much altered and he hated that ever so. But there was absolutely nothing he could do to change any of that right now. He had to remember that whatever happened today was temporary, that it had to happen in order for him to get back to that life he carried rather effortlessly.

"Hey, you're awake," Hailey quietly spoke, ceasing all thoughts and fears. Jay nodded, slowly rolling on his side as best he could, smirking at her as she helped adjust the pillows.

"How did you sleep?" Jay had to think about that, concluding that he actually felt very rested. Granted he was foggy and messed up as anything, but he truly felt more rested than at any point during his hospital. Ah, the miracle of being home.

"I've been on a lot of drugs the past few days, but this might be the most drugged up I've ever felt."

"Aw," Hailey cooed, brushing her hand on Jay's shoulder, slowly sitting herself up and reaching over to turn the light on.

"Are you going to be okay with the light?"

"As long as it's not the strength of the sun I'll be fine." Hailey giggled as she switched things on, Jay taking in the room now at full lit level. He truly admired the coloring of the walls, the quiet calm to them that went perfectly with everything else in the room. The furniture, the bedding, the flooring, everything was centered around calm and relaxation. There was nothing shouting at him and certainly nothing that was sending his brain into hyperdrive. It was a change, but a good one this time. Looking around and not having the urge to vomit was encouraging Jay immensely. See, it was possible to be in a new environment and adapt and not be freaking out. It was all going to be a process. The bedroom today, perhaps the living room and the rest of the apartment another day where before long he was able to step outside and truly absorbed and appreciate everything.

"How's the nausea and pain," Hailey asked once more, texting Will that Jay was up as she listened to him very groggily talk. He was every bit correct, he sounded beyond drugged. The drab, drained tone to his voice and lack of personality to him was enough to prove that. But it was also in the way he was communicating that confirmed things, being direct and to the point. There was no shrugging things off nor was there pointless reassurances that he was fine.

"Nausea is a lot better but things are starting to hurt."

"Like headache hurt?"

"No, like I got smacked on the head with a crowbar pain." Hailey relayed everything to Will, putting the phone down before she sat up all the way. She turned in bed so that her back was to the door and her front facing Jay straight on. Part of her still could not believe they were here, at home and in their bed. She dreamed of this moment for so long, it was seriously the only thing that got her through some of those early days. There were so many scenarios and potential outcomes that didn't allow for this to happen that she felt like they cheated on life, had somehow escaped a sealed fate and were living in a world of grace. But as she watched Jay give her a funny, puzzled face and reach over and grab her hand, there was no doubt in her. They really truly were back home. Jay was back in life, their life. The only downside was the uncertain future ahead. Was this an escaping of the battle only to have the war capture and claim him forever? That was left to be determined. Whatever happened, she had every intention of making the most of these precious days they had together. In the limbo, they would remain together and do their best to keep hope and all of this alive.

"I'm glad you're home," she smiled, leaning over to kiss his cheek. She would've gone for the lips but then she recalled all the puking earlier and that he hadn't brushed his teeth yet.

"Me too."

"Does it feel weird being home?" Jay slowly nodded as he looked past her, scanning things once more. It was all so familiar and not at the same time. He knew the stories, saw the items and understood the structure of all this. It was just finding himself in things once more. That was going to take more than one nap in bed to figure out and claim.

"Yeah, a little. But I'm still happy to be here." Hailey gave his hand a little shake, smiling and nodding like she was about to speak. But a knock on the door stopped all of that, both turning to face Will who waltzed into the room with CVS bag in hand.

"Hey! How did you sleep?"

"Good, just really groggy still." Jay did his best to sit all the way up in bed, Hailey helping move the pillows and blankets as Will plopped the bag down on the bedside table. One by one, he pulled pill bottles out, scanning the labels before placing them down and moving to the next. Jay stopped counting at five bottles, not at all happy he was now having to live on so much medication assistance. Temporary, he reminded himself once more. One day it would all go away.

"Alright, so no more nausea?" Jay shook his head.

"I just feel super numb and dizzy."

"That's the Phenergan. I wasn't kidding when I said it was powerful stuff."

"He did say he has pain also," Hailey spoke up.

"I figured. It's well past the four hour mark for when you'd usually get more stuff. So we're gunna do that and some more anti-nausea stuff and the steroids." Will dished out the pills as he explained things, soon cupping it into his hand and passing it off to Jay. A fresh Gatorade bottle was placed in Jay's hand before he dumped pills into his mouth and swallowed things with the drink.

"Do you need to go to the bathroom," Will asked as he placed the Gatorade back on the bedside table.

"No."

"Jay you haven't gone since earlier this morning."

"I'm really good. I don't need to go to the bathroom."

"What about eating," Hailey asked? Both Halsteads were quick to shake their heads at that, Jay groaning a little as Will spoke for him.

"We can try that tomorrow. Right now I think any kind of food will kickstart another episode and we don't want that."

"So what did start all of that," Hailey asked. Jay shrugged, looking to Will for some kind of explanation.

"Amelia and I both agree that it was his brain in sensory overload. It's common for people who are recovering from brain surgery. Remember the night after surgery we had to keep talking and touching limited because they didn't want to over stimulate his brain?" Jay was very clueless, blankly staring at Hailey who nodded in feared remembrance.

"Yeah, that was kind of awful…and weird."

"Well, it's similar to that. His brain needs time to adjust, to process where it is, what has happened, and it's limitations. So there are levels of things he can handle right now. That's why the floor was so quiet and why he can't watch a ton of television or why he's not allowed on his phone for a little bit, over stimulating will actually cause what happened today, or worse."

"Like a seizure?"

"Potentially. Or bad pain or anything other number of things. So going from completely controlled and calm and everything regulated to suddenly being thrown into a quick but very real world environment was too much for him to handle. He'll get to a point where that is totally fine and he won't have any setbacks. But today, it was too much. As scary and disheartening as it all was, it's important to remember that that'll probably be the only time that happens. Every day things will and should get better. He'll get there, don't worry." Hailey nodded, looking to Jay who was daydreaming rather epically. Not knowing anything else, one would think he was sleeping with his eyes open. His vision was locked on something on the wall past all of them, Jay not moving at all as his eyes just stared out at nothing. It wasn't till Hailey jostled him that be blinked back into reality, sighing as he rubbed his eyes.

"Sorry, just feeling super out of it." Will nodded in understanding as Hailey got up and out of the bed, headed to the bathroom as she was talking.

"I know you don't need to go to the bathroom, but you really do need to brush your teeth. You kind of smell like puke."

"Yeah, she's kind of right," Will teased. It took Jay a couple seconds to figure out why, agreeing as Will got closer to the bed.

"I almost forgot, we have to take the dressings off," Will spoke, trying to explain himself for being that close to Jay. Jay was a little hesitant at first, thrown off a little at the sudden need to do it, but nodded before long. As Hailey walked back into the room she stood in the doorway dumbfounded, reliving that horrible time where things were shown to her for the very first time. This time wasn't much different from the first, everything was still so stark and blunt and drastically different from the norm. It appeared no growth had happened in the week since things were last revealed, the Sharpie lines and surgical glue in the exact same places as well. The only only difference this time was on the surgery side was a brilliant and ugly coloring of bruising, the greens and yellows and dark blues where things had the most impact a new and unwelcomed addition to Jay's head.

"Do you want to see now," Will asked once things were fully on display?

"Not right now. In the morning," Jay replied. Hailey hated knowing things that Jay didn't, seeing what he looked like while Jay was still completely clueless. It was one thing to be told you didn't have any hair anymore and that your whole head was covered in incisions and bruises and all other kinds of scary stuff, but to actually see it was a whole other ballgame. She put on her bravest face, did her very best to try and reassure that all was well, but neither Will nor Jay were buying it.

"It's bad, isn't it," Jay asked. Hailey was so quick to shake her head, but Jay wasn't having it.

"No, not at all. It's just…not you. But it's okay." Jay quietly took the toothbrush out of her hand, looking between Will and Hailey as he scrubbed. He didn't buy their reassurances or promises that all was well. He was nine days out of major brain surgery, a massive and deadly tumor was cut out of his head for seven hours, no way was he looking 'fine.' He appreciated their desire to make him feel better, but right now he just wanted reality. He did look bad and he did look very different, there was no sugar coating that. He waited till he handed the toothbrush back off to Hailey for rinsing before raising a hand towards his head.

"Am I allowed," he asked before dangling his middle finger over the top of his head.

"Yeah, you aren't going to hurt anything," Will said, watching as Jay's fingers touched down on the now smooth surface that is his head, tracing things and trying to figure out all that was going on. It was both humorous and curious and humbling to see Jay's facial changes, hesitating whenever he hit surgical glue and growing rather puzzled and concerned when he felt large areas of complete smoothness. This was not his head, this was not a surface or feeling or anything that he remembered from his entire life. H always had hair, always had thick, luscious, wavy locks to run his hands through. When he was through with a good workout, he'd run his hands through his hair to wipe away any kind of sweat from dripping down. Going for runs in the rain he'd always come home and shake his head out like a dog, feeling good when raindrops fell out of his hair and onto the floor. Waking up in the morning he could always tell how great he slept based on how big of a bedhead he had. Without even looking at it he could feel the wavy mop all out of sorts, jostling it into place as he rolled out of bed and moved on with his day. But in a matter of minutes, all of that was gone. As he continued to run his fingers over what wasn't there anymore, he couldn't believe he was starting completely over, there was absolutely nothing left from his past. Perhaps that was the whole deep reason he told Amelia to take it all. He wanted fully out with the old, desiring to start anew with everything. As weird as it all felt, there was both a freedom and release inside of him. There was no need to fret over what wasn't there anymore. It would grow back, and in the process his tumor would grow away. So that perhaps by the time his hair was fully restored, that life wrecker of a tumor would be as gone as his hair currently was. Now the surgical glue covering the incisions was rather upsetting, just the sheer size and number of them tripping him up and sending reality and truth into a different stratosphere, but that would be dealt with in time. Right now he needed sleep. Tomorrow was a whole new day for tackling bigs things like looking at himself.

"Well," Will and Hailey asked as Jay finally put his hand back down at his side.

"It's weird, but it'll get better. I never realized how odd it feels to feel a pillow on your head till just now." Will smirked as Hailey sighed in relief. Jay was coming back to them, he was going to be just fine. He was home in more ways than one.