Anxious, Quinn knocks on the door in front of her. She had wanted to call or text but honestly was pretty afraid. After giving it more thought, Quinn could see how Rachel might be upset with her especially since she doesn't know Quinn's side of the story. In Rachel's mind, Quinn could have purposely gotten pregnant or used her friendship with Santana to her advantage and easily convinced her to sleep with her. There's so many possible narratives that Quinn isn't okay with anyone thinking about her, especially Rachel.
Since Santana moved in last week, things have been tense. The reality of not living with Rachel anymore has been really hard on Santana so Quinn can only imagine how Rachel is taking it. Quinn also has this nagging feeling that she's the reason for their final break up or at least part of it. Hearing the door unlock, Quinn takes a deep breath and musters a soft smile.
"Hey." She says softly as Rachel's eyes settle on her.
"Hello Quinn. What can I do for you?" Rachel asks.
"I...was wondering if we could talk? I brought bagels." Quinn brings the arm behind her back to the front so Rachel can see the bag she's holding.
"Sure. Come in." Rachel walks away from the door as Quinn enters. Closing and locking the door, Quinn follows Rachel into the kitchen then sits the bag down on the table.
"How've you been?" Quinn says as she awkwardly hovers near the table. Sensing the tension Rachel smiles at her politely.
"You can sit down Quinn." With a sheepish grin, Quinn pulls out a chair and sits down, Rachel sitting across from her.
"As to your question, I must say I've been better. I had no idea how difficult carrying a child could really be." Quinn nods understandingly.
"Trust me, I know. San says you've been able to eat now." Rachel nods.
"Yes, thankfully. I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to look at food again. Also, thank you for the advice. It was very helpful." Rachel grabs the bag on the table, grabbing a large bagel.
"I'm glad. I know how miserable that is." Rachel nods as she bites the bagel in her hand.
"How've you been? Santana hasn't told me anything about your pregnancy...but we haven't spoken much."
"I've been...pretty normal actually. Still no morning sickness, mood swings or even cravings. I've been insanely tired and mildly forgetful but other than that, nothing to report." Rachel smiles at her.
"I'm glad to hear that." She says before biting her bagel again. Quinn nods and they sit in silence until she finds the courage to talk about the reason she came to visit.
"Rachel...I just want you to know that...I didn't mean to hurt you or your relationship with San. What happened between us...it wasn't intentional. It kind of just happened and I don't want any bad blood between us." Rachel nods.
"Santana said the same thing when she told me. I'm not...sure how I feel about what happened between you two. While she didn't technically cheat on me, it still feels that way and I can't help but question her feelings for me. I know sex can be casual for Santana but I don't understand why she chose you." Quinn quickly licks her lips before responding.
"Opportunity? She wasn't in the best state and I shouldn't...we shouldn't have done it."
"So why did you? Santana was emotionally distraught...but you weren't. You had a clear head, so why did you sleep with her? Do you have feelings for her?" Quinn stares at her unblinking as her heart pounds, unsure of how to answer her.
"You can answer honestly. I won't be upset." Rachel continues. Sighing, Quinn sits back in her chair.
"It doesn't matter why it happened."
"It does matter to me Quinn. Over the years, I've witnessed your bond growing stronger and if I'm being honest...I've been...jealous of it at times." Rachel's eyes begin to glisten with unshed tears and Quinn frowns.
"Jealous?" Rachel smiles wistfully.
"There's things...you understand her in ways I never could and it's almost like I was trying to live up to her standards...of you" Quinn's eyebrows knit.
"I'm...not following. What are you trying to say?" Rachel sighs and wipes at her eyes.
"Santana may love me and may have even been in love with me but she has feelings for you too. I'm just not sure she knows that."
"Rachel, that sounds ridiculous. You haven't seen how broken up over you she is." Quinn responds.
"That may be true but why did she move in with you? There's other people she could have stayed with if she wanted to."
"I offered since she's always there because of the baby. She couldn't be here with you and not be with you." Rachel shakes her head.
"And what do you mean, standards of me?" Quinn continues.
"I've been compared to you on more than one occasion. We've talked about it but she won't admit anything to me. I wasn't even surprised when she told me she'd slept with you. It hurt to know she slept with someone else but it was worse knowing it was you." Rachel sighs heavily as her shoulders slump.
"Santana and I were never going to make it, even if she didn't have feelings for you." She continues.
"Rachel...Santana really loves you." Rachel nods slightly.
"I know she does...thank you for coming to talk to me. I don't want any hard feelings between us as well but for right now...I still need some time to process my feelings."
"Right, I get it. I just hope one day we can be friends. Like actual friends." Rachel gives her a soft smile.
"I'd like that and I'm sure we'll get there. Thank you so much for the bagels." Rachel stands from the table and Quinn follows her lead.
"Sure. Whenever you're ready, just call me. Or if you just need to talk about the baby." Rachel nods with a smile as she begins to walk towards the door.
"I know all of this is...a mess but I know what it's like to be pregnant and feel alone. Please don't hesitate to reach out for anything." Quinn says once she's out in the hall.
"I really appreciate that Quinn. Take care." Rachel says, smiling softly at the woman on the other side of her door.
"You too." Quinn says before walking away from the door.
On her way home, Quinn thinks about what Rachel said. If Santana has feelings for her, how would she not know? How far can you repress feelings for your best friend? Quinn mirthlessly laughs at the thought, knowing she and Santana are very skilled in repressing feelings. Rachel could always be wrong but if Santana has compared the two, that has to mean something right? Maybe now isn't the best time to focus on that since Santana is still trying to get over their breakup. Quinn walks into her home, to find all the lights off. Turning on the kitchen light, Quinn walks into the living room to see Santana lying on the couch with a blanket over her face.
"San? Are you awake?" Quinn asks. The blanket slowly begins to move and red puffy eyes glare at her.
"What do you want?" Quinn disregards the irritated tone.
"I'm wondering why you're lying in the dark? And for someone to have so many complaints about my couch, you sure spend a lot of time on it." Santana rolls her eyes and pushes the blanket back over her face.
"Leave me alone." Santana says weakly and Quinn sighs.
"Did you eat today?" Quinn asks as she sits on the edge of the coffee table, near Santana's head. Santana doesn't respond.
"I can tell you still haven't showered. You smell worse now than you did after a cheerios practice." Quinn smirks but it quickly fades as she sits in silence.
"I still smell better than your morning breath." Quinn's smirk returns.
"When are you going to be done with your pity party? It's getting kind of old." Santana rolls her eyes though Quinn can't see it.
"I did say leave me alone in English and not Spanish, right?" Quinn's eyes roll at the sarcasm.
"It's funny that you think I care about what you just said. Get the hell up."
"For what?" Santana asks.
"Because I said so. Did you even work today?"
"How is that any of your business?" Quinn clenches her jaw as she stares at the rough outline of Santana's body.
"You know, I'm trying to be understanding and supportive because you're hurt but you're trying my patience today."
"Oh am I? Ask me if I give a shit." Quinn pulls the blanket off Santana's face and is met with a glare as fierce as the one she's giving.
"Don't fucking look at me like that. I don't think you just got your heart broken less than a month ago. I can be fucking sad." Santana says.
"I'm not saying you can't but come on! You two broke up every 3 seconds, how long are you going to be sad about it?"
"As long as I fucking want to! I lost the love my life because of you!" Quinn's eyes widen and her jaw hangs open slightly.
"Excuse me?! How exactly is this my fault?! I didn't force you to fuck me, you did that all on your own!"
"I just wanted to feel something! Anything other than fucking pain and you just opened your legs!" The words cause Quinn's eyes to sting with tears.
"So, I was just easy? Is that it? Just some whore you could use to feel something? " Quinn stands from the coffee table, already walking towards her bedroom as Santana sits up on the couch, trying to untangle herself.
"Wait, Q. I didn't mean it like that." Santana scrambles off of the couch after her, seeing the bedroom door slam just before she gets there.
"Q, open the door." Santana says as she jiggles the doorknob.
"Please? I'm sorry. I -"
"Go to hell Santana!" Quinn yells from the other side of the door. Santana jumps as something loud collides with the door as Quinn yells. Sighing and muttering Spanish profanities to herself, Santana slinks her way back to the couch.
A/N: If anyone is interested, I have a poll on my profile so maybe go vote? Thanks for reading and see you soon.