Things between Santana and Quinn have been...tense since the proposal. Santana had spent a few days trying to convince Quinn that they should still get married but Quinn wouldn't budge. It's already been hard enough having to cope with the fact that she's facing death. Santana doesn't need any more reason to be hurt if she doesn't beat this. Every day Quinn thinks about not being around for Santana or Kai and it breaks her heart. The thought of never being there to send Kai off to school, help her with homework, teach her to tie her shoes, it's just all too painful to bear.
Quinn's rejection didn't sting as much after she explained why but it doesn't mean Santana isn't hurt. It's been weeks and it's all she can think about. She can't convince Quinn that she's not trying to marry her for any other reason than the fact she wants to spend the rest of her life with Quinn. Santana has faith that Quinn is going to win the war waging in her body so when they get better news on Quinn's tumors, she'll propose again. But if Quinn says no, she isn't sure where that might put their relationship.
In the past few weeks, Quinn has been taking more time to herself reflecting on her life and trying to enjoy the little things and it's been nice. She distanced herself from most of the people in her life because she felt she needed to. Everyone is too concerned and Quinn is tired of being nothing more than her diagnosis. Before this happened she had actual conversations with people but now it's all anyone can focus on, even Santana and it's just too much. Quinn just needs a regular conversation with a regular person which is why she's currently getting tea with Sophia.
"Wait, so you actually went to court?!" Quinn asks around her attempts to catch her breath from laughing so hard. The way Sophia told the story was funny but the situation itself, not so much.
"Yes! This psycho harassed my parents, friends and my sister then took me to court for a protection order and tried to put me in jail." Sophia tells her, an amused smirk on her face. They'd somehow started talking about exes but Quinn wasn't expecting this story.
The pair had grown closer in the past few months and Quinn welcomes the friendship. Sophia is a really nice person and Quinn likes spending time with her. Santana has been wary about it but she hasn't mentioned it to Quinn because the last thing Quinn needs on her plate is Santana's petty jealousy. She doesn't have any actual reason to be wary of Sophia other than the fact she had a crush on Quinn but Santana trusts Quinn and her judgment.
"You sure know how to pick 'em." Quinn jokes as she sips her drink and Sophia playfully rolls her eyes.
"Tell me about it. Dating fucking sucks." Quinn nods as Sophia giggles.
"So whatever happened to him?" Quinn asks.
"No idea. The judge gave me the protection order and I haven't seen him since." Sophia responds before drinking her beverage.
"I hope you didn't sleep with him."
"It would've been 30 times worse if I did. He's the reason I've been single for so long. I was just...nervous, you know?" Quinn nods understandingly.
"Yeah, I probably wouldn't be in a hurry to date either. I'm sorry you had to go through that though." Sophia shrugs her shoulders lightly.
"It's actually pretty funny to me now. I bet none of your exes could top that." Sophia smirks and Quinn laughs lightly.
"You got me there. So are you still not dating?" Quinn asks.
"Not currently but not because of that. Haven't found anyone who wants anything more than a hookup or isn't damaged beyond repair. And then...you went off and had an adorable baby so that option isn't really an option now is it?" Sophia says with a playful grin and Quinn chuckles softly.
Sophia is a very honest person, sometimes brutally so and because of that trait she told Quinn about the crush she had on her once they began to get closer. She also explained that she can take a hint so her crush has passed and Quinn wouldn't have to worry about getting hit on. Quinn was hesitant at first to continue their acquaintanceship but quickly realized Sophia is respectful of her relationship and doesn't seem to have any ulterior motive.
"I wouldn't be an option even without Kai." Sophia nods.
"I know. You and Santana are true couple goals plus Kai is the cutest baby ever and you really should bring her by the office." Sophia's hopeful smile makes Quinn giggle slightly.
"I'll think about it."
"That's not a no, so I'll take it." Quinn sips her tea, relaxing more in her seat.
"So how are you and Santana? I know this has been really stressful for you two." Sophia asks with concern etched on her features. Quinn sighs softly, giving Sophia a sad smile.
"We're...not in the best place. She proposed." Sophia's eyebrows raise as a smile makes its way to her lips.
"Congratulations! How aren't -"
"I said no," Quinn says softly, effectively killing Sophia's excitement.
"What? Why would you say no?" Quinn watches the wide-eyed woman waiting for her response and sighs once more.
"Before you ask, yes I want to marry her. I just don't want to hurt her anymore than I already am." Sophia's eyebrows furrow as her head slightly tilted to the left.
"I don't want to...die on her. All of this is a lot within itself and I don't want her to marry me...devote the rest of her life to someone who might not even make it to the end of the year." Sophia smiles sympathetically, sitting her hand on top of Quinn's and squeezing it gently once Quinn's eyes begin to water.
"I know that things seem...bleak, but you can't stop living, Quinn. When you give up on yourself then cancer already won. Cancer is a bitch, believe me but if you didn't know you had it you'd be getting married right?" Quinn slowly nods.
"So marry her Quinn. Life is unpredictable and no matter how much you try, you can't control what happens and you can't control how other people feel. If she wants to marry you, let her. Be happy." Sophia smiles as she pats Quinn's hand softly. Quinn only nods, knowing Sophia is right but she can only hope that Santana will still want to after being rejected.
"In...less depressing news, I decided to go back to Lima for a little bit." Sophia's hand returns to her side of the table as she grabs her cup.
"I thought you hated it there?" Sophia asks before bringing the cup to her lips.
"I do but my sister has 3 kids that I've never even met. She's going to visit my mother and they both invited me out there. I don't know if I really forgive my sister but...I want to. "
"Sounds like your sisters been busy," Sophia says playfully.
"Seriously though, that's good. I hope everything works out the way you want it to." She tells her.
"Me too." Quinn softly responds.
"Have you been talking to your mom?"
"Yeah. After I agreed to start over, she kinda won't leave me alone. " Sophia chuckles.
"That's what moms do. What about your sister?"
"We've been talking more but not as often. Things have been good though. " Grinning widely, Sophia squeezed Quinn's hand once more before moving away and Quinn hadn't realized how much she enjoyed the warmth of the woman's skin until it was gone.
"I'm so glad to hear that. This might just end the way you want it to." Quinn shrugs lightly.
"I'm not getting my hopes up, but we'll see."
Quinn spent more time with Sophia than she meant to but it was relaxing. She was finally just able to feel like a person again. When she got home, she found Santana chasing the two toddlers around the backyard and as much as Quinn wants to join, she's just too tired so she decides to go lie down. Quinn hadn't realized she'd fallen asleep until she was being awakened by Santana.
"Are you hungry?" Santana asks once Quinn opens her eyes.
"Not really. What time is it?" Quinn asks, propping herself up on her elbows.
"Almost eight-thirty." Quinn's eyes widen slightly, surprised that she'd been asleep for almost five hours.
"Why didn't you wake me earlier?"
"You were obviously tired." Her tone is void of any emotion, filling Quinn with sadness as Santana begins to walk away.
"Wait." Santana reluctantly stops and turns to face the other woman.
"What is it? It's time for the kids to go to bed." Quinn sighs softly.
Santana has been cold and distant, only really speaking to Quinn when necessary and Quinn understands her frustration but didn't want to address it because she'd been distancing herself too. It isn't healthy and they both know it but sometimes it takes them some time to come around.
"We need to talk." Santana nods, her face remaining stoic.
"Sure. After the kids go to bed." Turning on her heels, Santana exits the room and Quinn shakes her head as she watches her leave.
Quinn gets out of bed and helps Santana with the kids, though it took longer than expected because Benji didn't seem too interested in going to sleep. Eventually, they were able to calm him enough and he'd fallen asleep on Quinn's chest. Santana then put the kids in their room before joining Quinn in the kitchen as she ate dinner.
"What do you need to talk about?" Santana asks as she sits in the chair next to Quinn, facing her.
"You know what we need to talk about," Quinn responds, sitting her fork down.
"What else is there to say? You don't want to get married. Fine, whatever, I'll get over it."
"I get that you're upset -"
"Upset? I'm not upset. I'm just..." Santana sighs heavily.
"I don't know what I am. I understand what you mean but I love you. I love you with cancer, or without it. You don't want to hurt me but that's exactly what you're doing. We've talked about our lives together. Marriage, kids...and now -
"Santana, we're going in circles." Quinn cuts Santana off and places her hand on the woman's knee.
"I know your side and you know mine. I want to talk about where this leaves us." Santana shrugs lightly, now more interested in the floor.
"I don't know. It's hard not to question how you feel about me. How am I supposed to know if you're using this as an excuse or not? If you didn't have cancer, would you have said yes?" Quinn's eyebrows furrow.
"Of course I would have!" Taking Santana's hands in hers, Quinn looks the woman square in the eyes.
"I want to marry you at the right time." Biting the inside of her cheek, Santana nods her head but drops Quinn's hands.
"You should finish your dinner. I have an early morning so I'm going to head to bed."
As she sat and finished her food, Quinn decided that cancer wouldn't continue to rule her. After washing their dishes, Quinn climbed into bed, spooning Santana from behind. The room is completely dark but she knows Santana is awake based on breathing pattern. Quinn feels Santana's body stiffen slightly before slowly relaxing against her.
"You know you mean everything to me, right?" Santana sighs softly but doesn't respond.
"I think subconsciously, I've been trying to push you away." Santana's face scrunches.
"Why?" She softly questions into the darkness.
"Because if I can push you away now, it won't be as bad if I don't beat this." Santana is still. Processing Quinn's words.
"I've imagined our wedding a million different ways...but not once was it ever like this." Santana rolls over to face Quinn, pressing their foreheads together.
"I want our marriage to be a healthy one in every aspect...but I also don't want to miss the opportunity to marry the maniac of my dreams." Santana lets out a short laugh.
"I'll marry you if you promise me one thing."
"Anything."
"Promise me that you're not rushing this because you think we don't have time." Santana's eyebrows furrow.
"No one's holding a gun to my head. I choose you and our family every single day and I'll never stop. I couldn't dream of a better partner, mother, friend...even lover." Quinn laughs softly at that.
"We're endgame because I'd never even attempt to love someone the way I love you." Quinn gently caresses Santana's face before cupping her cheek.
"How'd I get so lucky?"
"You're addictive." Quinn chuckles softly before pressing her lips against Santana's.
A/N: It's been awhile...but I've returned to see it through so here we are. I know I said it was going to dark but I lost my notes for this story and pretty much have no idea what I was even talking about lol so the story is probably going to take a different route but it still won't have the most fun times so hopefully you enjoy.