Regina's POV

I opened my eyes and gasped heavily when I shot up in my bed from a nightmare. My whole bed and body were covered in sweat and my limbs were trembling a bit. A stinging ache went on inside my head, probably the effects from the night before.

I felt intense fear because of the nightmare, but quickly I realized everything that happened in the nightmare did actually happen the night before. I closed my eyes and let out some tears that had stung in my eyes since I had awoken.

I had gone all evil again. The thing I had sworn to never do again. I got out of control, very badly this time. Not just yelling, not just angry faces, I nearly killed someone again. I nearly killed my best friend, or whatever we were now to each other. I touched her in ways no one wants to be touched. I slapped her so hard that blood began to drip down her lip and after that I began to choke her until she was nearly out of breath.

How could I do this? How could I be such an awful person, someone who definitely deserved 'evil' added to her name? How could I let this happen again?

I was so intensely furious, so I got out of control. But that's doesn't mean I had the right to be. I was going totally crazy. If she hadn't shrieked while she choked, she would probably never have breathed again.

The evil queen was back again, and stronger than ever. I couldn't control her so easily anymore. After every time I got out of control my outbursts became worse and worse.

My mother's voice always echoed through my head. 'I wonder sometimes if people do really love you.' 'Stupid child.' 'Love is weakness Regina.' 'True power endures.' It is driving me crazy. Back in the days I would be led by those words. She was my mother and she knew best. Or so I thought. I wanted her love so desperately that I overlooked all the manipulative signs. Even after all these years she still found her way into my head.

After some time I concluded that love isn't weakness, it's strength. But since Robin had passed, I had slowly stopped believing in those words again. Loving someone only caused me pain.

I couldn't live with the feeling, the feeling of never being able to control myself. It was a feeling, a feeling as if something was inside of me and it was constantly trying to get out. It was someone, the evil queen tried to get out all the time. She was ripping me apart from inside, she was constantly hurting me. I had to live with it all the time and it was exhausting, it was fucking exhausting.

I laid down in my bed, just staring at the ceiling with watery eyes, thinking about what happened with Emma. With such extreme regret and mental pain. For three weeks we had had a great time, she made me feel happy and could let me forget about Robin and the evil queen. We had become better than best friends. But then the alcohol got the best of us. What the hell happened?

I felt so incredibly sorry for what I did to her. I could never make up for what I did to her. I didn't really expect her to forgive either.

So I stepped out of bed and dressed myself in a poof of purple smoke. I went to the living room where Henry was playing videogames with his breakfast next to him on the couch.

"Goodmorning Henry." I said while nervously sitting down on the armchair with my legs crossed and my back straight. He paused his game and looked at me.

"Good morning to you too, mom. Did you sleep well?" he said sarcastically. He definitely noticed that something was wrong. That boy was always so clever.

"Yeah fine." I said in a monotonous way. With my head I was just on another planet.

"What's wrong?" he asked now, sounding more worried.

"It's complicated…, but it comes down to that Emma probably doesn't want to talk to me." he raised his eyebrows.

"It's always complicated with you two, huh?" he now sounded sarcastic again. I rolled my eyes at him. He most certainly inherited something annoying characteristics from his other mother. It was especially obvious now that he had become a teenager. But I didn't mind it, because I loved my little prince for it. "So, what are you going to do about it?"

"It doesn't matter, she isn't going to forgive me anyway."

"Of course she is going to forgive you! Has she ever been mad at you for long?"

I was quiet and looked to the floor. "Henry, I…" I didn't know if I could tell him what happened.

"What is it?" He searched me for the answer.

"I hurt her. I slapped her in her face and nearly choked her to death." I said fast to just let it out of my mind. Now he was silent, far too silent. "I am a villain, Henry! And no matter what I do, I stay that way."

"You're not a villain! A villain wouldn't feel sorry for what they did. So get in your car, drive over to her and apologize." He said full of believe. He now let me believe it too and filled my heart with a little more confidence. "Ow and she stayed the night at grandma and grandpa's, so don't go to her house." he said with a bright smile on his face as he took a bite of his sandwich. I walked towards him and gave him a big kiss on his forehead.

"Thank you sweetie!" I said with a grin on my face. I grabbed my coat and walked to the front door.

"Don't you need to eat something?" he sarcastically asked.

"Yeah… well… I'll just… I'll be fine." I said hurriedly and walked out the door.

I drove over to the Charming's apartment thinking about what I had to say to her, but I honestly didn't know. I just wanted to say sorry for the things I had done to her. I didn't mind the consequences anymore, because no matter what happened I would probably deserve it.

I walked towards the door of the loft and knocked on it very gently. My heart was beating nervously. Quickly the door opened and Snow stood behind it. She didn't say anything, she just stood there looking me up and down. That was the moment I knew Emma had told them what had happened the night before. My eyes widened with the realization and fear now flowing through my body. Please be as forgiving as always.

David looked at me in shock and made a quick move towards me. "Don't take a step further, witch! And don't even think about making even the slightest contact with my daughter again!" he swung his sword like he always did and pointed it at my face.

"Dad!?" Emma said and she stood up from behind the dinner table and grabbed her father's arm. "Where the hell did you get your sword from so fast?" she asked, confused.

"It always stands by the front door in case some evil witch like her shows up!" He said angry, staring at me with that anger showing clearly in his eyes.

"Dad, take it easy! She is not evil! That's a bit much." she said defensively. Was she really thinking I'm not evil? She didn't even look at me. Was she mad at me? She deserved to be mad, but actually I didn't want her to.

Snow was just observing, but I saw the conflict in her eyes. I knew her well enough that she wasn't angry with me, but just conflicted. She didn't really know how to react. The look of anger showed many other features in her face.

"But she hurt you really badly last night. Look at your lip!" David said still firmly pointing his sword at me.

"Yeah, but I've healed myself with my magic, it looks worse than it is." She said like it was no big deal what had happened, but I still heard doubt in her voice.

"I just want to talk to her alone for a moment." I said carefully with a little scrunch on my face. Expecting the worst of answers.

"No way! I'm not leaving you alone with my daughter anymore! What are you thinking?! She could barely walk last night when she came here!" he yelled. I had never heard this man this angry before, he was like a whole other person.

"David! Calm down for a second." Snow said in a sincere and even a bit troubled tone.

"Daddy angry?" a high voice came from behind the dining table and little Neal came walking towards us. Neal was now a three-year-old toddler and speaking out of experience, he knew exactly when something was wrong. Children are more perceptive than we expect them to be.

"David, lay the sword down and just let them talk. You are a bad influence for our son right now. You know he wants to be just like you. I don't think Regina is here to pick a fight." Snow said, still a bit troubled. She picked up Neal and gestured with her head to David to come with her. He exhaled deeply and removed the sword out of my face. He gave me a serious look and then moved into the apartment with Snow.

"Dad, I'm going to make sure she doesn't hurt me this time. I can take care of myself." Emma said, trying to comfort her father. But she was cold and stubborn towards me.

She moved her way towards me and nearly brushed against me while heading out the door into the hallway. I followed her with my gaze. She still had a cut in her lip, but I was glad to see that she could walk normally already. The image of her stumbling out of my office had stuck in my head and I couldn't get it out of there. She closed the door behind her, not looking at me for a second.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" she asked with a stubborn tone when she leant against the wall. I waved with my hand and the door of the apartment began to shimmer.

"Gina, what is that?" she asked, a little scared and curious. She also sounded a bit mad.

"It's a secluding spell. I don't want your parents to be able to overhear us."

"I hope that's just because of us talking about things they don't need to know. Because what you did yesterday was very, very wrong. I'm not sure if I could trust you anymore." She said a bit more scared. My eyes went wide, and I was afraid of giving her wrong ideas.

"Of course…, Emma. I'm not going to hurt you anymore. That's just what I'm here for. I want to apologize for what I did. I feel so, so, so sorry for what I did." I felt tears coming up in my eyes. "I understand that you will probably never forgive me and that you maybe want to take Henry away from me. I'm not safe to be around." My voice cracked a bit.

"Regina, I certainly don't want to take Henry away from you, that never. Maybe I should, but I can't. Yes, I'm angry with you, but I also want to understand you. It isn't a piece of cake to lose the one you love. I was the one who made you that angry and I know you will never have an outburst like that towards Henry. I kissed you, I was drunk, and I just let it happen. It was never my intention to do it, but it still happened. And when you recently lost Robin, no wonder you got so mad. I'm so sorry for that as well. Can we just put it behind us and never let it happen again?"

I nodded and more tears came into my eyes when she started to talk about Robin and the kiss. That kiss was a big mistake and I felt ashamed about letting it happen. "You want to know why I got so angry?" I said with a lump in my throat, and I tried to look her in the eyes. She looked at me with curiosity and I walked a little towards her. "Because you were right a few weeks ago…, the evil queen… IS inside of me" I sighed. "Always trying to get out" I said, frustrated. She looked away, to the floor. I sighed again and faked a little smile as if I was alright. "I don't expect you to get it."

"I fought the darkness; you know I do understand." She said softly.

"With all due respect, but you don't." I said explicitly. She was always a good person and had never come as far in the darkness as I once had. "You went up to the precipice, but you got pulled back before it consumed you." I said, making a pulling gesture with my hand. She took a deep breath, and her eyes gazed all over the floor as she fidgeted nervously with her fingers. She knew I was right, and I saw she felt sorry for it. "I WAS consumed… and I'm having to live with it every day."

"I can't imagine how that feels" she said rapidly, with force, to say something. And with a little fear about not agreeing with me.

"It's exhausting!" A spike of grief pierced my heart. Was I really going to completely open up to her? She looked at me again and somehow, I felt like I could trust her with this. She wasn't too angry at me. "I'm constantly at war with my instincts, like yesterday!" I said with a low voice. I looked at my hands and inhaled deeply. That feeling I felt the day before consumed me completely. "I wanted to rip your throat out!" I gritted my teeth and clenched my fist. I could feel the adrenaline flowing as I talked about hurting someone. She looked away again and closed her eyes looking somewhat scared. I wasn't sure she wanted to hear more. "But I didn't, because when you said I hurt you, I realized it was wrong what I did, and I didn't want to hurt you." I looked her in the eyes. "Much as I want to give into evil, I don't." I pointed out explicitly.

I took another breath, and I felt the sadness overtake me. "So, I do good, and I hate every moment of it." My voice cracked and my eyes became puffier.

"You hate doing good?" she asked surprised and nervous.

"Yess" I exhaled. She looked swiftly towards me with fear and wide eyes. "It's complicated." I said sadly and with a defending tone. "I know it's right, but it always leads to loss for me." I sobbed and tears began rolling down my cheeks. "Yet I keep doing it now and I keep suffering." I inhaled deeply with a sob. I now felt all the grief about the loss of both Robin and Daniel. My heart ached intensely and was beating at an extreme high speed. "But I know the evil queen can't return, so… that's how it has to be" I walked towards the stairs. "I'll never be at peace with myself."

"That's not true" she said trying to sound optimistic like her parents, but I saw tears in her eyes too. I knew she didn't fully mean it. "You fell in love with Robin, and you were happy- "

I crossed my arms "Yeah, and look what happened! I am WHAT I am, I did what I did!" She exhaled and I saw her struggles. "Many years ago, I had a choice…" I saw her become more nervous, because I she knew where I was going. "Snow white told a secret…and I could have chosen to forgive her…" she looked at me and immediately away again. "Instead, I did terrible things…, unspeakable things" Big heavy tears were coming from my eyes and wettened my whole cheeks. I still felt so much guilt for what I had done in my past and the fact that could never make up for it. And now that I had hurt her, the feeling was even worse.

"That will always shadow over me." I sobbed and went to sit down on the stairs. I tried to wipe away the tears, but they kept coming. The heartache only grew bigger and bigger. "I try to be the hero." I whispered through my sobs. I stared in front of me down the stairs. She stood up and walked over to me, laying a hand on my shoulder. She took my chin in her hand and turned my head to the side, so I faced her. Her green orbs looked in my brown ones. With the sleeve of her sweater she wiped over my cheeks to dry away my tears and she planted herself next to me on the stairs.

"And you have been!" she said, trying to encourage me.

"But it doesn't matter, there is no redemption for me, there is only suffering." I stared forward, tears still dripping down my face. "Because now I have a curse…a curse of knowing the difference between good and evil and I'm caught between them… if I revert, I will lose everyone I love…Henry" my voice broke. Henry is my everything, if I lose him, I'm not sure if my life will be worth living anymore. "My friends…" I looked at her, my view distorted by my tears. My eyes were red and puffy and stinged. I gave my best attempt at a smile. I didn't want to lose her, our friendship meant too much to lose. "Everyone. And if I go forward trying to be good…, I have to live with my past darkness and all its well-deserved consequences." I looked her deep in her eyes and tears came falling from those green orbs.

"I don't believe that." She stated while shaking her head and a bit of a cracked voice. "I believe in you, I always have. Since the moment I showed up on your doorstep for the first time." She sobbed a little with me and I gave her a slight smile.

"That's because you ARE good." I placed my hand on her shoulder. "But for me, it's a simple choice really. I'd rather suffer than see that pain in all the people I care about." She smiled at me just a tiny bit and I smiled back briefly. What I had seen in her eyes the day before was just the worst I could imagine. "This is my fate…, I'm trapped!" I took a deep wavery breath. The tears streamed down my face, and I sobbed heavily. For a moment those were the only sounds that were heard in the room and it only let me feel worse.

"Regina, I don't know how, but I am going to help you. I'm going to get you through this. You helped me to get better after my breakdown about losing Hook. Now I'm going to help you." she said with a cracked voice.

"I would do anything to get rid of this feeling, but how do you think you are going to accomplish that?" I said all skeptic and with my voice still heavy. I had felt this pain for so long now and since Robin died it only amplified.

"It's like I said, I don't know, but I'll find a way, I promise. As I once promised, I will make sure you'll find your happy ending. I'm not going to let you live like this for the rest of your life."

"Would you really do that for me? Even after what I did to you yesterday?"

"Especially after what you did yesterday. I mean, it was just not okay what you did and I don't want to let it happen again. I'm the savior and you need to be saved, so duty calls!" she joked around a bit. A little smile reappeared on my face, and I wiped away the last tears.

"I really appreciate your motivation and all, but honestly I don't think there is anything that can help me. Fate always finds me in one way and that is as a villain, and we all know what happens to the villains." My mood instantly dropped again.

"Regina, don't start with the 'villains don't get happy endings' crap again. You want to be happy right?" she said full of hope, just like her parents.

"Of course I do, but- "

"No, no 'buts'. You can be happy! I know it's hard to believe it but eventually it will happen. I mean, I'm also still sad about Hook, but in those two hard months I've learned that you need to be optimistic otherwise you will indeed feel miserable. And I know I sound like my mom, but she actually kind of has a point. But this is enough hope speech for now. I get chills when I hear myself talk like that. Let's go back to my parents and drink some tea together. We deserve some calm hot leaf juice."

A/N Another reference to a other series. Let me know if you which series it is.

I nodded and we walked back into the apartment together. When we opened the door both the Charmings were sitting next to each other on their couch. Emma smiled at them giving the sign that we were okay with each other again. I looked at them more awkwardly, hoping they would accept me once more. They smiled back at me, and I knew I was welcome again. Clearly, they had talked about the situation and came to the point not to be angry at me anymore. They were always the forgiving type.

"Are you guys okay?" Snow asked, a bit concerned and curious.

"I might tell you later, mom. Just give us some tea so we can relax a bit, please." She smiled and nodded in acceptance. David said nothing, but didn't look as stubborn anymore.

"No, I think I can tell globally about what happened. You deserve to know too." I said determined.

After we drank our tea I explained a short version of my struggles, one that didn't involve as many tears. I found out Emma hadn't told them anything about our misplaced kiss. I was very glad about that, because we all know Snow couldn't keep a secret. And then the whole town would know about the big mistake we made. Nobody had to know about it except us. I told them that she was being annoying and childish again and they believed it, because they knew she could get on my nerves sometimes.

After that conversation I went home and spent some time with Henry. He was happy that we talked things over, because he obviously wants his mothers to get along. Every time he said how happy he was about me and Emma growing so close. We had never been that close before as friends and I was happy about it too.

A week had past I was in my bedroom, reading a book, trying to relax. Henry was at Emma's probably playing videogames together or something. Henry was a teenager and teenage boys just liked playing video games all day.

I hadn't seen Emma since we talked, we had decided we needed a break from our meetings. It was for the better, we needed some time alone to overthink everything. We still texted of course; it wasn't like I didn't want any kind of contact. But we just didn't see each other so I couldn't get angry at her. I promised that I shouldn't, but I didn't trust myself enough if we saw each other frequently.

Now I was all alone in my mansion. The loneliness was overwhelming, but I kept myself busy. I was buried in the book that I was reading, but I couldn't relax. I missed Robin and the evil queen was constantly blaming everyone for my suffering. But I knew I had done it all to myself. There were just a few people who could let me forget about the evil queen sometimes, those people were Henry, Robin and, believe it or not, Emma. That thought brought a tickling feeling to my stomach.

She had also reminded me of her sometimes, but most of the time she let me totally forget about the evil queen when we had fun together. She could make me laugh in a way no one could. I liked that feeling, the feeling of laughing and not being able to stop. I had never had a person who could do that to me, not even when I was young. For some reason she made me feel whole.

Then I heard a loud noise coming from downstairs. I stepped out of the armchair in my bedroom to see where it was coming from. I walked across the hallway outside of my bedroom. The noise was coming from my front door, it was jingles of keys and bangs on the wood of the door. I knew right away that it was Henry, he could be so rough sometimes and he was the only one besides me who had keys to the house.

I walked to the railing of the second floor to see him coming through the door.

"MOM!" he yelled so it could be heard throughout the whole house.

"Henry! My ears! I'm right here!" I yelled back expressively, but less loud. I smiled brightly at him. My boy was home! I was so happy to see him filling up my house and the silence.

"Sorry mom." He apologized with a more enjoyable volume as he walked up the stairs towards me. He also had a wide smile on his face. "We found it!" he said enthusiastically when he stood right before me.

"You found what?" I asked confused.

His smile became even wider. "We found a way to destroy the evil queen!" My eyes went wide. What did he say?

"Wait. How do you know about the evil queen thing? And what do you mean by 'we'?" I was a bit confused. I hadn't told him about my struggles yet. I wanted to do it eventually but hadn't done it yet.

"Don't get angry please, but Emma told me and since then we searched together for a solution." He said carefully with a crooked smile.

I looked all over the room wondering if I should be angry or not. I didn't like it when someone spilled something I shared in trust. But then I realized I already told Snow, so if I really didn't want anyone else to know I probably shouldn't have done that. I took a breath and decided not to be angry. "I'm not angry, I was going to tell you eventually, nevertheless. Sometimes I think you are still too young for such subjects, but you can handle it. you are strong and I need to involve you more sometimes… Now tell me what you found!"

"It's a recipe for a potion, it separates someone's dark side from the body."

I gave him a scared look. "Uhm, we need to destroy her, not getting her out of me. You don't want her outside of me, believe me, she will definitely start a third world war and that would be the nicest thing she would do." I said not as certain anymore.

"Well, if she is inside you, we can't really destroy her without killing you too. So, the plan is to separate you and when she is outside of you, she won't have magic for a few minutes. That's the moment we tie her down and kill her. And… I call it Operation Viper, because she killed the king with vipers."

I smiled at him with sparkling eyes, I found it so cute when he came up with another operation. "That's really smart, Henry, it might work. But she knows about the plan now too since she is inside me. What if she escapes before we kill her?" I said a bit afraid.

"As long she is inside of you, you think the same, so if you don't think of an escape plan then she will not have one."

I hesitated for a while, but I nodded eventually. "Okay… let's destroy the evil queen once and for all! I won't let her stand in the way of my happiness anymore!"