Chapter 6

Regina's POV

The morning sunshine came through the curtains of my room and landed gently on my face as I woke up from the best night's sleep I had ever had. My bed was very pleasantly warm and soft. For some reason it felt warmer and softer than normal. I felt the same silk bedding as always, but this time it felt more like heaven as my body sunk further into it. Fresh cool air came through the window and reached my nose. I took a deep satisfied breath. The air smelled like an extreme downfall of rain had just stopped. This was one of the best and most peaceful circumstances to wake up in.

I lay on my right-hand side in my cloud-like bed. I placed my hand under my pillow where my head was resting and squeezed it a bit, out of comfort. I let out a soft, enjoyable moan. Little twinkles of satisfaction ran through my body.

I felt different, not like a completely different person, but just different. I still felt sad about Robin, but it was much less. It felt like the anger that always swirled through my body at any time had now disappeared into thin air. I couldn't even feel the slightest bit of anger. I was always afraid that something bad would happen to the ones I loved. That was because the voice of my mother always kept echoing through my head; 'love is weakness, Regina'. Especially after all those people that had died in my life, it came back louder and louder. Now those worries were there, but very suppressed and far easier to push away. I think after all that time I finally felt at peace with myself.

It took only just a moment for me to realize why I felt this way. What the hell happened to me the night before? My mind was a bit fuzzy about it, but my heart knew exactly what kind of feeling was attached to the experience. It was fear and pain, lots of pain. The all-satisfied feeling that I had had just seconds before was now replaced with fear. Why couldn't I just feel happy for one moment? But the fear would go away any second, because the evil queen was gone now and therefore things should be less painful.

There it was, the memory of the night before. I went through an unbearable process to remove the evil queen from existence. My heart started to beat some paces faster at the thought of it. I knew quite a lot about magic, but this magic was the darkest of magic I had ever experienced.

Flashes of memory came back to me. The needle that pierced my flesh. The trees above my head that I saw every time I got another stab of pain. Emma, Henry and Mary Margaret, who were powerlessly watching me. The sight of my own arms getting ripped apart. And the shimmers that came off the glittery dress of the evil queen.

The pain that came with it all didn't even feel humanly possible. First it felt as if all my muscles were twisted inside of my skin and that was actually the most pleasant feeling of it all. Then it felt like my skin got ripped apart and I fell in a bath of lemon juice. It burned like hell, but there was nothing that I could do about it. Then I felt how all my bones crumbled into the tiniest of pieces repeatedly and the weight of the rest of my body was pressing the crumbles against each other. But even that didn't let my body fall down. And eventually, when the evil queen came out, it felt like my body was exploding and all the pieces of my body would move further apart.

When she was out, I felt the wounds restore, but my whole body just wanted to give up. When I felt them restore, I got an extremely tiny spark of hope back, just enough to try and rip her heart out. So I tried it, but my magic let me down at exactly the wrong moment. That was the moment when my body fell down along with my whole being. It felt like the pressure of the whole world came over me and everything went black. The last thing I heard was the dust that fell on the ground after Emma crushed the evil queen's heart.

I took a deep breath and let the fresh air from outside fill my nose again. Slowly I began to feel relaxed again and the feeling I woke up with started to come back. A little smile showed on my face. I felt brightened about my new ability to let go of my negative emotions this easy. I finally could start on really living my life.

I finally opened my eyes and came to meet the warm morning sunlight that brightened my bedroom. I looked around and savored the details I discovered all over again in the room. On the wall was a white wallpaper with an elegant grey pattern and against it stood a dark brown dresser with a golden mirror hanging above it. Also on the wall hung a calming painting of a black raven. Under my bed lay a soft white rug so my feet wouldn't get cold when I stepped out of bed on cold winter mornings. And my bed was of course covered in that white silk bedding that felt so lovely to me.

I lay down in my bed in silence for a moment and I let the surroundings enter the temple of my body. I started to hear a strange sound I hadn't heard since I had awoken. It was quiet, but made my heart cramp immediately. It almost sounded like a quick, shivery breath... It wasn't my breath. I was a bit startled by it, actually. I hadn't noticed someone was there and I wasn't used to someone lying next to me in my bed. I didn't remember what exactly happened after we killed the evil queen, and I didn't know how I ended up in my own bed. Maybe there was more about the night I didn't remember. Who was this person and why was this someone in my bed?

Carefully I turned around so I could see who the hell dared to sleep in my bed when I was in an unstable position. I looked them up and down slowly. They had turned their back towards me, but I didn't need more than a second to see who it was. They were a bit taller than me and had a skinny, muscular body. I knew those sparkly green eyes always let me feel those happy tinkles in my gut although I didn't see them then. This person made me feel loved even when I couldn't love myself and was always there for me. When they came into my life, my whole life changed. I became a better woman, because I wanted to be the best mother I could be for him.

I ran my fingertips through his hair very gently, because I didn't want to wake him up. He shrugged his shoulders and shivered. "Mom? Are you awake?" he said with a broken voice.

"Uhuh, yes sweetie, I'm awake… But why were you sleeping in my bed?" With a lot of effort he turned around to his other side to face me as if his whole body had become ten times heavier. Those once sparkling green eyes now looked red and puffy and under them were some heavy bags.

He was silent for a moment and swallowed hard. "I kinda thought you were gonna die yesterday…, so I was kinda scared." His voice sounded thick.

I closed my eyes just for a moment allowing my mind to think about the impact that evening had had on Henry. I felt guilty and sighed.

"I realized I still… I still am a child and I pretend to be so grown up when I'm just not. And with all that had happened with Emma… This was just too much. I know I wasn't there for you much after Robin had died and I feel so sorry for that. I was busier with my other mom and when I finally had spare time I was out with Violet. I thought you were fine, because you just lived your life like you used to, but clearly you weren't. I realize now that I wanted to be there for you more. I just want you to know that I still need you. I will always need you. I can't only have one mom; I need both of them." I exhaled deeply and tears came into my eyes.

It was heartbreaking to see him that way, opening up to me like that. He was never a very talkative person about his own feelings, but what did you expect when he had a mother like me and the other like Emma. But now I had the feeling he spoke up completely. He spoke up a little bit more than both of us usually. That's probably something he got from the Charming's. Still, it didn't come very easy to him. It was already very brave that he did speak his mind now.

"You're not a child, Henry…" I gave him a brief smile together with my watery eyes. "You're a young man… and sometimes… I find that very difficult to accept. But what you did for Emma and now for me, that's really brave. Maybe even a bit too brave for yourself. I don't mind that you weren't there for me much. I understand completely that you had so much to worry about already." He chuckled softly and I chuckled too. "The next time just think before you go on a heroic quest, because being a hero does have costs for yourself. Believe me, I know. And besides, this town is full of heroes who can save people. But… if you really want to do all these things, I'm not going to hold you back anymore… I'm only here to give you advise, not to hold you back." I said with a calm voice because I hadn't been awake yet for very long. I laid a hand on his shoulder and dragged him into a hug. I felt how the warm liquid from his eyes landed softly on my shoulder. His long slender arms were wrapped around me, and he squeezed so hard that all the air was pushed out of my lungs. I was actually quite surprised about the strength he had in his arms and even more about how much he needed a hug from me.

"Thanks, mom!" He let go of me and gave me a gentle kiss on top of my forehead. "You are amazing!" I gave him the most loving smile and the pool of tears that had formed in my eyes only grew bigger. Now they weren't tears of sadness, but only happiness.

We were silent for some time, just enjoying each other's presence. It felt comfy and warm with his teenage body snuggled up against me. Being with him was the most precious time I could have in my life.

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I heard a grumbling sound coming from beside me. It was the sound of his ever-hungry teenage stomach. "You must be hungry. What do you think about me making you breakfast while you hang on the couch?" I said with a grin and sparkling eyes.

His eyes went wide with surprise. "Can I really eat on the couch?!"

I smiled and rolled my eyes slightly while I saw my boy slowly come back from his sad mood. "As if you have never done it before… But yes, now I allow you to. You can have a blanket too; how about some hot chocolate with cinnamon? I'm also turning on the fireplace. We are just going to enjoy this peaceful morning and relax for a bit. I think we've deserved that."

A bright smile now appeared on his face. "I would love that." he said calmly. He looked me in the eyes with those ever so wonderful green eyes. "I love you mom!"

I looked him in the eyes and took his hand in mine. "I love you too, Henry" My eyes shimmered brightly with that unconditional love I had for him.

Some time later I finished making breakfast for the two of us. Henry sat on the couch in the living room waiting for his breakfast, busy on his phone, like normal teenagers do. With a tray full of food and drinks for us, I walked over to the living room to catch up with him.

His whole body occupied the couch. His head rested on one armrest and his feet on the other end. He'd already taken a blanket and was wrapped in it with only his hands above it to use his phone.

I looked him up and down and I was instantly reminded of the way Emma would lay the same way on the sofa in my office every time she came there. I felt a tickling feeling rise in my belly and flow all the way up to my throat. I couldn't help the smile that creeped up on my face.

I took Henry's breakfast from the trunk, and I placed it on a side table next to the couch. "Here you go. I've made you eggs and bacon on toast. And, of course, hot chocolate…with cinnamon." I announced with the smile on my face only growing.

"Thanks" he said without lifting his eyes from his phone. Suddenly he felt so much more distant towards me.

I ignored his behavior and walked to the fireplace. It was probably just a teenager trait. I twisted the knob to engage the burner. Then I took a match and scraped it against the fireplace frame. When I threw it into it, it instantly lit, and the room was about to get nicely cozy and warm.

I sat down in an armchair and took my own breakfast from the trunk I had put down on the coffee table.

I looked at Henry once again. He was clearly distracted by what was going on with his phone and didn't even lift an eye to what was going on around him. he seemed so enthusiastic before about our little 'breakfast in the living room' thing. Instead, he smiled brightly at the screen and typed away furiously. His cheeks gave away whom he was texting right away, because they were red as roses.

A smirk now appeared on my face, seeing him with the brightest smile ever. No wonder he was so distant suddenly. When he announced he and Violet were officially dating, I didn't immediately accept it. She was after my son, and I had to know she would have good intentions. But when she got over for dinner some time and I saw how happy she made him, I could only be happy for them too.

"How is Violet?" I asked, very curious. I leaned a bit forward so I could get a little peek from behind him of what was going on there.

He looked over his shoulder and then startled intensely. He put his phone away under the blanket as quickly as he could. He nervously went to sit up straight against the armrest and put his arms on his lap.

"Uh…yeah, what?! Violet?..." He said very nervously, trying to get his words out. I looked strangely at him. "ohw…yeah… Violet, she is my girlfriend of course!" I saw that bright smile on his face again when he mentioned her as his girlfriend.

"Henry! What is going on?" I asked confused but also a bit curious.

"Nothing"

"It doesn't look like 'nothing'."

"No, mom, seriously its nothing!" He moved his phone even more under the blanket.

"Henry, if you're doing this secretive about it, that means you're seriously hiding something, and I don't want you to have secrets for me. Give me your phone!"

"Mom no!"

"Henry, give it to me!" I now sounded firmer. I put my hand out for him to place his phone in.

"Mom! 'PRIVATE' conversation! Go eat your breakfast!" he yelled at me and made me startle.

Did I go too far? Or was he just a stubborn teenager? He never yelled at me like that. I got a bit scared.

It took just a moment for me to take in what was happening. I thought about what he said and then about what he meant. Then I realized the situation. My mouth fell open and I stared at him with an ashamed blush on my face. But I wasn't the only one with deep red blushes on my cheeks. His whole face was bloodred and I even saw some little drops of sweat on his forehead.

"Henry…" I didn't know how to start the conversation. We gave each other a side look repeatedly, but when our eyes made just the slightest bit of contact, we quickly looked away.

Was this really the time to have 'the talk' with him? How far were they in their relationship? He was definitely sending her edgy stuff. But how edgy was it? Was it just that he wanted to cuddle her, or did he want to do 'god knows what' with his manly instrument?

I wasn't ready for this. I had already held it off for too long, but I still wasn't ready. He was sixteen now and had had a girlfriend for almost 2 months. I may not have been ready, but I think that he would. Henry being old enough to be all heroic was one thing but Henry being old enough to be sexually active was definitely something different.

Ohw, I wished Emma was here. She was always much better at such things. I was always the serious mom, so it would only be a hard conversation with me. Emma was much more relaxed and would talk just as if they were talking about the weather. It needed to happen soon, because you can't stop a teenager when they are ready. But I couldn't do it alone, I needed her with me.

"Uhm… just be… careful, okay?" That was everything that could get out of me after a long awkward silence. I cleared my throat nervously. "Now let Violet know you're going to have the best breakfast ever with your mother and then put your phone away, please."

He nodded vigorously and then closed his eyes, relieved. He was probably glad that I didn't dive any further into the conversation and I was glad too. We weren't going to make this situation more awkward, when we actually wanted to make it nice and warm.

From deep under the blanket he grabbed his phone again. His slender fingers made their way over the screen again. Luckily, he listened to me and put away his phone very quickly again.

While he was doing that, I had swiftly grabbed my phone too to text a particular blonde. A smile creeped up on my face again, when I thought of her and her silliness. She could make me laugh like no one else has ever done if I needed to be honest. She was just this childish woman, but sometimes I just needed that to lighten my soul. I thought of the time she was spinning around on my office chair. At the time I was furious, but now I could only laugh about it.

'We need to talk to our son. It's about his girlfriend. You are always better with that sort of thing. We need to do this together.'I typed in on my phone. I waited just a little moment but then pressed send.

I sat down in the armchair and I took a bite from my toast. We didn't say a thing to each other, but that gave me time to think.

This situation was weird. Of course, because he was growing up so fast, but that was not the only thing. I felt weird and I didn't really know what to do with the feeling. It felt good, I guess. Henry and I just had a sort of discussion, and I didn't even feel any anger. Normally I would feel a little bit of anger even towards Henry, but I felt nothing. I knew what I wanted so I tried to make that clear to him, but I was very calm. I didn't really feel mad, because he was so stubborn. I felt more scared about some actions he could take; teenagers could be reckless after all. but I needed to say that this fear was something I never felt before. I felt weird, but I couldn't quite place it. Had it something to do with the removal of the evil queen? No, it shouldn't be. I should feel good now, finally free. It must be the weird mother-son situation.

We ate in silence at first, but eventually we got a conversation started like nothing had happened. He thanked me for spoiling him a bit that morning and the nice food. He was just like his mother when it came to food. If the food was good, he felt good. Always thinking with his stomach. Food would stop every tantrum and every hard feeling. It was like magic to him, but it wasn't. No matter what I did when he was little, he just couldn't eat neatly. He left crumbles everywhere he ate. That's why I'd never let him eat on the couch, but I guess this time I just needed to vacuum one more time. He deserved to be treated a bit better since he had helped so many others and had to pay the emotional price himself.

We had finished our breakfast and walked to the kitchen to put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. Just as I put the last plate in the dishwasher, I heard a loud sound echoing through the building. My head turned towards the front door. Of course, I knew the familiar sound and where it was coming from right away. It meant someone was at the front door. I quirked a brow, wondering who it could be to visit us. With a swing of my hips, I pushed the dishwasher closed, ready to go and open the door.

"I'll get it!" Henry called from the living room while I was still in the kitchen. The house was too big sometimes for any sound not to echo through. Although he said it, I still walked, a little slower now, to the door to see who it was.

Henry opened the door and behind it was Zelena. She wasn't alone, because a large green pram blocked the whole entrance. And who other than Robyn could be in it?

"Hi Henry!" Zelena greeted him enthusiastically.

"Hello, Zelena" henry said.

"Hey, sis. What are you doing here?" I said.

"Good that someone is happy to see me… I just thought I would just visit my little sis and see how she was doing since you did the whole 'splitting from your evil half' thing." She said while struggling to get the pram through the front door. "Why do you have stairs here? It's totally impractical with this thing! How did you do this when this beanstalk-" She looked Henry up and down with widened eyes. "-was just a little munchkin?"

"Ohw, come here, I'll help you." I said while I rolled my eyes and walked towards her.

Henry just stood there, not knowing what to do with the little parenting struggle. I grabbed the pram, but before I tilted it, I looked inside. Robyn lay there with just the brightest little baby smile and glittering ice-blue eyes. Her head wobbled around like one of those wobble head toys, as her mother shook the pram around without mercy.

"It looks like someone is having fun seeing her mother struggle." I joked around while smiling back at her.

"You don't wanna know… She only uses those wicked genes against me. She may still be little, but since she knew that she could laugh she laughs the hardest when she pukes over me or when she wakes me up at night." Zelena complained. She stuck her tongue out with an irritated look towards her daughter.

I chuckled as I thought about how karma does its work. It was just funny how her own daughter, such a little girl, could annoy her mother so much when she herself was even a thousand times worse.

"What can I say…? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree…" I said with the biggest smirk on my face.

"Ohw, shut up!"

It felt kind of right for the baby to annoy her. She had used Robin to have that baby, only to get her revenge on me. She deserved the baby to be a brat sometimes. How did I even sort of forgive her for that? I guess my love for children sort of took control. Without Zelena doing such a horrible thing, Robyn would never have been born. And I just got so fond of her. And of course, I wasn't any better in my evil days. I did it with nearly everyone who worked for me while I had their hearts. So how could I be forgiven and not she?

The two of us got the pram inside, with me at the back of it and my sister at the other end. When we actually stopped our sisterly bickering, it was quite easy to lift the whole thing up the stairs. I reached inside of the pram and got out the little girl wearing a green dress. "Let see if you are as mean to your aunty as you are to your mother." I cooed with a smile.

"Okay, I'm going to my room. I don't want to be a part of this womanly chatter about parenting struggles." Henry announced awkwardly. He already had stood there in silence for too long and I felt how he just wanted to go do his own thing. I gave him an approving soft smile and he swiftly ran upstairs.

With Robyn's tiny body pressed against me and her hand trying to catch my finger, we walked into the living room. I poured Zelena a drink and we sat down.

"So don't avoid my question again. How are you doing after yesterday? Are you bored already of being boring?" Zelena asked in her direct, joking way.

I rolled my eyes. It was a simple question really, but coming up with a good answer was harder than I thought. How was I feeling? That was the question of the day. I swallowed hard. I looked a bit troubled. "Uhm… actually I feel pretty… good." I wasn't entirely sure about what to say. Did I actually feel good? I just felt weird, or was that the feeling of feeling good? I didn't know what 'good' felt like. Or did I just feel weird because of the awkward conversation with Henry?

"Really? Because I heard some rumors about it being horrifying."

I sighed deeply. That weird feeling only became worse. "Where did you hear that?" I said remarkably calmly and rather confused.

"Belle told me, but I don't know where she got it from."

"Yeah… well, it was. But I'm feeling much better now…" she looked puzzled at me, but smiled. I made eye contact but quickly looked away.

My walls were up high. I just pretended everything was fine, but something felt wrong. As long as I didn't know what it was, no one needed to know either. And I didn't need to share everything with everyone.

"That sounds really good. I actually expected you to be in a far worse shape."

"I'm in better shape actually. I'm finally going to be happy." I said quickly, leaving every detail out. She smiled at me once again.

I looked at the baby in my arms. Although I hated green, the tiny dress she was wearing was more than just cute. She looked like a little angel to me. I looked at those little ice blue orbs and I saw trouble in them. She frowned with the muscles where her eyebrows were supposed to be, but she didn't have them yet. She began to kick, and I needed to tighten my grip on her. Then little cries came out of her. Her face turned red, and she looked a bit angry.

"Are you hungry, little one?" I cooed, trying to feel what was going on with her. I looked at Zelena, because she was the mother and she was supposed to know what was going on with her child. "Can I make her some bottle feeding?" I asked her.

"Yeah sure… The supplies are in the pram." She replied. I was a bit surprised how she was so accepting with me taking care of Robyn sometimes. She was always so protective of her, and she was afraid I would take the baby away from her. But after Robin died and we had time to build our relationship, she became much more relaxed, and she saw how I loved this child and how I wanted her to find happiness in Robyn. I didn't want to rip the child away from her because I saw how she could be Zelena's second chance.

I gave Robyn away, so I could prepare the bottle for her. I walked to the pram that was situated in the hallway and took out the bottle and milk powder. Then I went to the kitchen to get the last ingredient. I filled the bottle with water and powder.

The only thing that now needed to happen was heating it. I held the bottle in my hand and shook it side to side with my finger blocking the hole. The powder mixed with the water until it became completely white. I held the bottle in my hand and frowned. Nothing had happened, the water was still cold. I tried again. Still nothing. Other hand? No! I shook it more aggressively. How could a simple spell like this fail? I concentrated on the bottle once again.

"Heat, damn you!" I swore to myself.

Nothing happened, not even the tiniest spark of magic. I closed my eyes to try and feel the magic, but I felt nothing, it was gone. Where did my magic go? Right then I felt the emptiness inside. As if a piece of me was missing. And it actually was. Where did my magic go? Was it coming back? I erased the whole evil part of me. Did this have something to do with that? Did I erase my magic too?

"What's taking you so long? Robyn is getting really impatient now!" Zelena yelled from out of the living room with her screeching voice.

I looked around nervously. "It's almost done, just wait a second!" I called back with fear accidentally escaping through my voice. I decided to just put the bottle into the microwave to heat it up. After a moment I heard a ping, and it was done. I felt weak, doing that instead of my magic.

"Here you go, sweet warm milk for my baby niece." I said while holding her in my arms again. She cried immensely as if we hurt her, but when I put the end of the bottle into her mouth she stopped immediately, and she only let out satisfied little moans. I laughed about how she fussed about such a little thing. Her hands reached out to the bottle and held it as if she fed herself. That was just the cutest thing ever and made me fantasize about having a baby of my own. It had been almost sixteen years since Henry was that little. Being in touch with Robyn this close made me go back to that time and how wonderful it was.

"So, I've got a gift for you." Zelena announced.

"A gift? Zelena, you're so generous today? Do you want something from me?" I was surprised.

"Ohw, it is not from me. Roland gave it to me."

A spike of sadness struck me, and I stumbled a bit. "Roland?" I said softly.

"Yeah, he gave me something of Robin's when I sent him back to the enchanted forest with little John. He meant to give it to you, but there was no time." She said while searching through her purse. My eyes went wide, and I got confused feelings. She had lots of trouble finding it. She still had it, didn't she? "It was some feather." She said while getting a bit more nerved about finding it. I frowned a bit, and my eyes went glossy. She went to the pram, searching its storage space, getting a bit frustrated. "You know what? I think I left it somewhere at home…somewhere… safe of course!" She did not sound as confident as she meant it to be. She waited patiently for me to reply, but I didn't. "So… you are not angry?" she asked nervously.

I took a deep breath and avoided her eye contact. "No…" I felt really weird again. "I'm not angry at all" I replied, and then pressed my lips tightly together.

When I realized how precious that gift actually was, the feeling of grief took over my body. Roland wanted to give me one of Robins feathers. With that I could remember how amazing he was. It was something special. Could it be Robins lucky feather? The one he always hit with? Ohw, he was so good with his bow and arrow. And he could talk so passionately about it.

That reminded me of that one time when we had just met each other. We tried to break into my own castle that was seized by my sister. That was when we were back in the enchanted forest, because of Pan's curse. We quietly stormed the castle. I wanted to open a door, but the door was boobytrapped. Right before I touched that door an arrow flew merely an inch past my head at the door that set fire immediately. I was so mad at him for almost hitting my head while trying to save me, but now I could only think about how amazing he really was without even knowing me yet back then.

Then I thought of his love and how he accepted me for who I am and not for who I was. How he would run his hand through my hair and then over my cheek to comfort me.

Tears now built up in my eyes and I looked at Zelena.

"I think it is time for you to go home. I still need to do some things." I hurriedly pressed Robyn back in her arms. I walked to the front door and opened it. With the handle of the pram in my hand I pulled it off the stairs to almost fall when it landed. I pulled it further outside with my muscles all nervous. Zelena looked worried and tried to speak to me, but I already pushed her through the door with the pram and shut the door before she had the chance.

I took a deep breath and leaned against the door. I let my muscles relax, and with that also the muscles that held back the tears. The weakness I felt before took over again. The anger may have been gone, but it was all replaced by fear and sadness. I sank onto the floor with my hands in my hair out of frustration. What was happening to me? I began to sob, because of how hopeless I felt. I was feeling things I had never felt on top of the feelings of grief about the ones I had lost. And where did my magic go? I felt miserable. What had I done to myself?