The car was barely shifted into park before Alice was flying out the door and up to the house, completely abandoning her bags inside of it.
Before she could reach the door Jasper was already there, standing in the doorway, bracing himself and grinning.
Alice didn't give him the chance to say a thing before she launched herself into his arms with a laugh. When he wrapped his arms around her, holding her off the ground like she weighed absolutely nothing, she felt complete again.
She was kissing him before she knew what she was doing.
He returned the affection with a fervor and her sudden arousal was entirely out of her control. Tightening her legs around his torso she deepened the kiss.
When he pulled back slightly, smiling widely, she wanted to groan.
"Not now," he muttered softly before pressing a few—decidedly more chaste—kisses to her lips. "I have something for you."
She scoffed, pulling back enough so that he could see her pout. Then, loudly, she spoke. "If it's Josie I already know she's here."
The responding cackle she heard from the nearby kitchen filled her with warmth.
"I told you!" Josephine Foote laughed, the noise echoing through the house. "You couldn't surprise her if your life depended on it!"
Jasper rolled his eyes, arms still wrapped around Alice and keeping her suspended in the air. "I knew you would know but—"
Alice silenced him with another quick kiss. "Shush. It's sweet of you, thank you." Jasper didn't need to surprise her for it to mean anything more to her. It was more than enough to have to people she adored this much under the same roof.
She couldn't even imagine what it would be like if Jasper could surprise her with little, mundane, every day gestures. She'd thought about it before, but then quickly realized she much rather preferred knowing. It gave her something to look forward to.
And when all you did was look forward to things (quite literally) it was nice to have at least one thing consistent amongst the ever-changing future ahead of them.
Jasper released his hold on her, his arms dropping down to his sides, but Alice still clung to him tightly.
"Come on," he laughed, pulling lightly at one of her arms that was still wrapped snugly around his neck. "She's been talking my ear off. It's your turn."
"Hm, go ahead," she tightened her embrace and leaned her head forward until it was resting against his shoulder. "I'll be right here."
She was sure it looked comical—after all, his arms were completely at his sides as he walked across the foyer and toward the kitchen where Josie eagerly awaited her company—but she wasn't about to release him yet. She didn't care if she looked childish. She'd missed her Jasper.
Josie chuckled as Jasper entered the room, Alice still very much clinging to him firmly. Then, the woman clicked her tongue. "Now get down from there, child. You look ridiculous. Jasper! Put her down!"
He held his arms out, as if attempting a shrug, displaying that it wasn't him keeping her up there.
Alice smiled to herself, pecking Jasper on the cheek before hopping down and landing softly. In the next instant she was across the room.
Josie was sitting on one of the stools that was usually kept tucked beneath a granite countertop. Her purse sat opened in front of her and next to it, a few magazines.
Oh no. Even as she reached forward and hugged her mother, Alice suddenly knew—both because of her visions, and because she knew her mom—that she was about to get scolded.
"Hi honey," the older woman hugged her tightly and Alice took a long moment to enjoy the warmth of her familiar embrace. Inhaling deeply she couldn't help but notice that something was off.
"New perfume?" It was a simple change but a jarring one. As long as Alice had known her, Josie had only ever worn one perfume. Well, that was if they didn't count the two months in '96 when Macy's hadn't had it in stock, but still. Now, where there was usually a floral, citrus fragrance, this one smelled more… soapy.
"Of course that's the first thing you comment on," it was half of a scolding and half in amazement. "Daisy has me turned onto this new one. It's not as classic as Chantilly, and it's more expensive, but it's helping with my headaches, I think."
That sobered Alice up immediately. "Headaches?"
The woman smacked her arm, shooting her an unamused look. "Don't you start. I've been getting these for thirty years now, you know that."
"Sorry, sorry," Alice knew better than to attempt to breach the subject of Josie's health. The woman had hated talking about it with her before, but she downright despised any discussion of her human issues when she was amongst vampires only. According to her, it was an insult.
And Alice had missed her mother far too much to want her upset upon reuniting.
"If you start worrying about nothing I'll damn well give you something to worry about—!"
Josie's annoyance was cut off when Jasper placed a hot mug of tea in front of her.
Alice mouthed a 'thank you' as he smirked and turned back to clean up the kettle. "How long are you here for?"
"I'm making Jasper drive me back in a few minutes actually," Josie leaned forward, blowing on the hot liquid, before taking a small sip. "Needs more sugar." Jasper appeared instantly, setting an entire jar and spoon next to the mug. "But it's getting late and I've been up since nearly four. I just wanted to see you when you got back."
The disappointment that formed low in her belly was heavy. Josie's fleeting presence was something she hadn't taken note of in her visions. All Alice had seen was that she would be there, and things would be nice. She didn't know that she'd only be able to calmly enjoy that for 'a few minutes'.
"Oh, don't look so sad," the woman frowned and then opened her arms back up. Alice fell into her embrace easily, hating that she couldn't hide her disappointment if her life depended on it. "When do you hit the road again?"
"Not sure yet. Carlisle comes back this weekend, and I'm sure I'll find out after that."
"Perfect!" Josie brightened up at that. "He can give this one a break and drive me to my service on Sunday morning." She threw a thumb over her shoulder and Alice could hear Jasper scoff under his breath. "Child won't even walk through the doors of the damn church," her words were more than loud enough for Jasper to hear, but Josie had never been one to gossip. Oh no, if there's something she wanted to tell you, you were going to hear it from Josie herself. "You're not going to combust when you cross the threshold you know?" She turned on her stool to fix a glare onto Jasper's back.
"I'm not taking that chance," he deadpanned in reply, washing dishes in the sink.
Alice couldn't help but laugh. "I'm sure Carlisle will be happy to go with you. I wish you would stay a little longer though."
"By the time you and Jasper drop me off we'll have spent plenty of time with each other. Besides, I think he's had enough of me for one day."
The drive to Josie's place was a little over a half an hour away. Not as much time as Alice would have preferred, but better than nothing.
"What's this?" Alice gestured to Josie's choice of reading material. The three magazines looked brand new, but Alice knew that Josie had already rifled through them and dog-eared every page that mentioned Alice or Jasper.
"They spelled my name wrong!" As if reminded of a terrible atrocity Josie reached for the first magazine and flipped it open. "You need to email these people at US and tell them that my name has an 'E' on the end! It's not Foot, it's Foote! Ridiculous!"
Alice suppressed a smile. "That's the only comment you have?"
"I mean, these people haven't said anything that rude article didn't already say," she flipped through a few more pages on the same magazine and pointed to a photo, frowning. "You don't think they could've used a better picture?" It was a photo of Jasper, Josie on his arm as he guided her to the car in the church parking lot.
It would've been a heartwarming picture if it weren't for the disturbing fact that it was snapped by a paparazzo trying to make some money.
"I don't even care that they took it at church—I always look good for my services," she spoke as if it were a point of pride. "But this damn caption ticks me right off—acting like I don't know who I'm dealing with. They wouldn't say a thing about being 'uncharacteristically calm' if they knew the first damn thing about my character!"
"Where did you get these?" Alice was a little annoyed. Josie had promised her a few weeks ago she would lay off the gossip magazines; she'd even cancelled a few subscriptions. Alice had seen as much in a couple of visions.
"Daisy, of course. She's a bad influence," she spoke simply, as if that was all the explanation that they'd get. "Not a day goes by where she doesn't have something new to share with me." She sighed over exaggeratedly. "It can't be helped when your baby is a celebrity."
"I hate that word," Alice muttered for what felt like the thousandth time.
"I'm shocked you're not used to it by now. If the Times wrote an article on me I'd be signing autographs when the pastor isn't looking," she cackled at her own joke, closing the first publication and then opening the second. "This is nice," she flipped through the pages before landing on one with a smaller blurb. It was just a photo of Jasper and Alice holding hands. Taken the week he'd returned to Rickett's, if their exhausted state was any indication.
Directly next to the photo, a close-up shot of their intertwined hands.
The caption inquired their marital status, pointing out the lack of wedding rings.
Alice felt acute embarrassment at that. "Josie…"
"All I'm saying," the woman lifted a dark, wrinkled hand in surrender before quickly closing the magazine, "is that they'd stop asking if you two just tied the knot already."
"Stop," she begged, suddenly uncomfortable with the topic.
At first the media's focus on her and Jasper's relationship had been a strange thing. But that was back when they hadn't quite been in a relationship. After the war had finished up and they'd returned back home, the media had still been a bit obsessed with them. But now it had gotten out of hand.
A photo could be snapped of either of them by themselves in any environment and the next day the presses would be saying things like 'TAKING TIME APART?' or 'TROUBLE IN PARADISE!' as if their relationship was simply a game to them.
Most days, Alice had to remind herself that it was.
"Oh, don't take it too seriously," Josie commented just as the thought crossed her own mind. "I'm just saying. It's been ages since I've been to a wedding."
"You were just at one two Saturday's ago," Jasper chimed in from across the kitchen. "I picked you up and drove you to it myself."
"You be quiet!" Josie snapped at him, rolling up one of the magazines and swinging it toward him. "Unhelpful, rude boy! Where's Emmett?" She frowned, tossing the publication back onto the counter. "He'd be on my side for this."
"He's in…" Alice paused, flickering through a few visions, "he's either in San Diego or he's heading there now."
Josie humphed. "This one, you can keep." She handed Alice the third magazine, and that's when she noticed that it wasn't just another one of her mindless gossip columns, it was a bridal magazine…
"It might trigger some inspiration," Josie shrugged, acting innocent again. Reaching forward she patted Alice's cheek lightly. "Oh, smile why don't you? What the hell do you vamps have against marriage? It's just a piece of paper, really."
"Exactly," Jasper finally chimed in, sitting at the counter across from her. "So what's the point?"
Alice knew that look in his eye. It was the look that he got before he decided that he was going to actually entertain a topic of conversation that could very well lead to an argument. It was the face of a man who knew how to argue and who knew how to win…
Not now, Alice mouthed, shooting him an unamused look as she stepped closer to her mother. She wasn't about to spend the last few minutes with her while Jasper provoked her ire.
"Thank you," she tried to make her words sound genuine as she accepted the magazine. "I can't promise I'll read it end to end but," she glanced at the cover, trying not to grimace, "I'm sure I'll have some fun studying gown designs." And the prospect of sitting at her little work desk, stitching together a dress for the summertime, made old excitement begin to flicker inside of her.
"Send me pictures of your sketches when you start designing." Josie reached for her bag and looped it through her arm. "Oh! Before I forget," turning to dig through the oversized, brown bag, it took her a long moment before she retrieved something.
Alice accepted the white paper envelope as Josie handed it to her, and promptly froze.
"That's for you. I didn't get it until recently, but judging by the stamp they sent it last August. The post office held onto it once everyone went on lockdown. Took them until a couple of weeks ago to finally send all of my mail up here."
Alice could hardly focus on her words. The moment she'd taken the letter into her hands, the vision of what lay inside struck her like a lightning bolt.
There was no way. It seemed impossible.
Jasper was around the counter and at her side in a millisecond, sensing her sudden emotional turmoil. "What's…" but before he could ask her, his eyes found what her's were currently fixated on.
It was a letter addressed to Mary Alice Brandon, sent from one Cynthia Brandon-Holmes.
There wasn't much to focus on. The letter was plain, unassuming. The script was neat, even if the edges were worn with a little bit of age, the corners bent at different angles. Even the stamp in the corner was just a simple bluebird framed by some sort of wildflower.
It was the name of the sender that had Alice frozen in her tracks.
"See? Only I can surprise her," Josie remarked to Jasper, amused.
"Do you want to read it privately?" Jasper asked. It was likely just a formality; he was probably aware of the fact that she already knew what it said. But Alice was shaking her head quickly.
No, these were the two people in the world she loved more than anyone. Of course she'd do it now.
Her fingers were careful as she delicately tore the envelope. Despite knowing what each and every word said, Alice worked slowly, being careful to not damage the paper, still stunned at how an almost-forgotten goal had quickly become reality…
Because it was her sister.
She read the words with her own eyes, stunned.
Dear Mary Alice,
I hope this letter finds you well. I can't help but feel as if I'm writing to a stranger right now, as you very well may be. But, the proof that you aren't is too overwhelming for me to ignore anymore.
My name is Cynthia Holmes (née Brandon). I was born in Biloxi Mississippi on April 6th, 1963. If I'm not mistaken—and again, if this isn't you, forgive me—I'm your sister. My memories of you are plenty but they're over fifty years old at this point, so I'm sure you remember me better than I, you. You disappeared when I was seven and we—our father, step-mother and I—moved to Northport shortly afterward.
Attached, I have a few scans of some old photos I managed to print; another apology for the quality of them. I can't quite figure out how to use my scanner properly.
I can only hope that after all these years you might wish to speak with me again. I would be grateful to get to know my sister after all of this time.
Regards,
Cynthia Holmes
Even as she felt the pictures underneath the folded paper, Alice couldn't bring herself to look at them, suddenly afraid of what she might see. Instead, she handed them to Josie swiftly. Then, a second later, she just about threw the letter at the old woman, too.
"Alice," Jasper's hands were on her shoulders, "hey." He turned her around to face him, but she couldn't focus. It was okay, a little voice in the back of her head tried to assure her. She was okay.
And she was. Or, she should have been.
This was what she wanted. This was the one other thing she'd desired beyond a life without a death sentence and those she loved at her side. But now that all the information she'd ever wanted was there. It seemed almost too good to be true.
"Oh! Look at your hair!" Josie laughed jovially. "Oh, Alice, come here, you have to see it. It's so long."
"Alice," Jasper lifted her chin, forcing her to look him in the eye. She focused on him then, on his prominent frown, the way he studied her face intently, concern permeating the space between them. Then, she felt him begin to gloss over her fear; only slightly, but enough to give her more of an ability to shake off her sudden anxieties.
"Thanks," she breathed, reaching up and gripping his hands with her own tightly. "I'm fine," she whispered to him, turning back toward Josie. She could do this. She had to do this.
Slowly, she stepped closer to her mother. And when Josie held the photos out for her to take, she accepted them.
There was only two of them. In the first one, a dark-haired girl grinned down at the baby in her lap—the baby laughed toward whoever was behind the camera. The next one, a little girl wearing a dress with a matching bonnet, pouting with a wicker basket in her tiny hands.
"You even still frown the same," Josie pointed out, overjoyed at the photos. Then, she picked up the letter and started to read.
Alice's eyes were still glued to the pictures. In the first photo she was probably no older than twelve or thirteen, but despite the long hair and the very human flush to her cheeks, it looked like her.
"I can't believe this," she finally whispered. There was a heavy emotion swimming in her chest and suddenly she was very close to crying. Reaching behind her she wrapped an arm around Jasper's midsection the same moment he lifted his to bring her close.
Josie read the letter's conclusion out loud. "'I would be grateful to get to know my sister after all of this time.' Oh, would you look at that! I wish they had included photos of your parents. I might recognize one of them."
"You think you might?" Jasper asked, rubbing soothing circles against Alice's back.
"Biloxi ain't that big of a city. If Alice was born there, and her sister some ten years later or so, that means they lived there long enough. Although," she shrugged slightly, "white folk didn't start moving to my neck of the woods until the '70s."
"I have a sister," Alice muttered, still stunned. It didn't sound real. The words didn't even feel right, falling from her lips. "I can't believe it."
"Let's take this one step at a time," Jasper advised. "This looks very real, but I don't want you getting your hopes up."
Alice blinked up at him, confused. "What do you mean?" The photos looked real enough…
"What I'm trying to say is that there's a chance she might be a fraud," he spoke softly, squeezing her shoulder firmly. "It's not entirely rare for people to claim to be related to one of us."
Oh. She didn't think about that. And maybe that was the case here. After all, the entire letter had caught her so off guard it made her wonder whether it was because it wouldn't lead anywhere. Perhaps if it were something more legitimate it would have given her a vision or two. "Does that happen a lot?"
"To all of us." He nodded. "People sometimes will claim being related to celebrities or well known people without really being so. I'm not saying this is fake, but it could be. There are a lot of in-genuine people out there."
Alice nodded as he spoke. That, she could handle. But deep down inside, an excitement was igniting unlike anything she'd ever felt before. Sure, there was a chance that this woman could be a phony, but if she wasn't, then Alice still had family out there.
"Give her a call," Josie gestured toward Alice with the letter, "just don't let her in on the fact that you don't remember nothing. If she's a liar she'll use that for her advantage."
Alice's eyes fell upon the phone number and email address written beneath the woman's signature. She would absolutely have to call and see. Eyeing the clock she slowly folded the letter back up. It was getting late; she could call in the morning.
"Worst case scenario, it's some nutcase," Josie commented, looping her arm through her purse and slowly moving herself off of the bench. Jasper was at her side, steadying her as she lowered herself to the ground, looping her arm through his. "Best case scenario, you've found some family! Congrats!" Smiling down at Alice, she reached out and patted her cheek once more. "It's okay, baby."
"I know it is," she muttered as she slid the letter back into the envelope, being careful as she did the same with the photos.
Josie laughed as she headed toward the door that led to the garage. "Then stop frowning. This could be good."
Could be, Alice wanted to say. But she hated how she simply didn't know yet. Silently she followed them into the garage, the letter still in her hands.
When Jasper opened the door to the backseat, helping the older woman inside, he raised an eyebrow toward Alice when she climbed in right after. She was curled into her mother's side before Jasper had even started the car.
The drive went unnaturally quick. Whether it was Jasper's driving or the mental haze she found herself in, Alice wasn't quite sure. Instead she listened to the steady thrum of Josie's heartbeat, letting it soothe her worry as the older woman recapped her week for her.
Alice could only really halfway pay attention to the woman's stories, and the guilt was quick to seize her when they finally arrived.
"I was going to say, 'see you next week'," Josie grabbed Jasper's waiting arm as she scooted herself out of the backseat. "But I'll see you when you get back from your trip."
Before Alice could ask 'what trip?' she could already see it; she'd be flying into Tuscaloosa Regional Airport sooner than she anticipated.
That was confirmation enough that when she called this Cynthia woman in the morning, she would likely be the real thing.
It was a scary thought, but also exhilarating.
Minutes later, after Jasper had already escorted Josie back to her apartment, he was back in the car. Turning around in the driver's seat he looked at her, concerned. "You going to stay back there for the drive?"
In seconds she was in the passenger's seat, taking his hand in her own and gripping it firmly.
They sat in silence for a majority of the drive. Jasper sent mild waves of calm and love toward her, and Alice sat there, eyes closed, basking in the warmth of his emotions. It was a welcome balm after the anxieties of the past few hours left her feeling off.
"This has really shaken you up," he commented as he pulled the car off of the highway and onto the backroad that led them toward their home. With his thumb he slowly started tracing shapes on the back of her hand. "What are you thinking right now?"
"I'm not going to know what to say to her."
"You've seen it, then." He shot her a sideways look. "You've seen that it's real." Alice nodded, swallowing. "Do you wish you'd opened that privately?"
"What? No, of course not." That was a silly thought. "I wouldn't have wanted to share that moment with anyone else. I'm glad I read it with you and Josie around. I just," she eyed the envelope that she'd stuck on the dashboard and had to refrain from clinging to it some more, "I wish I knew what to do."
"If you're going down to Tuscaloosa, it seems some part of you already knows what to do."
"True," she hummed, leaning her head back against the driver's seat as she stared out into the night. "What if I wait though? A few weeks can't hurt."
Truthfully, the most unnerving part of her potential visit to her probably-sister was that in her visions one thing had been clear: Jasper wouldn't be with her.
Until his probation period was up in a few weeks, he couldn't leave the state or fly—whether privately or commercially. The main parts of his resetting had been complete months ago. This period was to simply ensure his self-control had time to adapt before he integrated fully back into society and went back to work.
Thankfully, the rest of the mandatory resetting he was still forced to attend occurred during the weekdays; meaning his weekends and nights were free. It was a small gift to Alice when she was in town, but now that she was traveling all over, she'd missed him fiercely.
It felt ridiculous to finally be given time to spend with him again, only to jump on the first flight down south. Waiting for May wouldn't be that hard to do…
"Alice. Go." There was a smile in his voice and Alice couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes. "If it really is your sister, I'll come along next time."
"It doesn't seem right without you," she grumbled, squeezing his hand as she stared out the window. Nothing that she did anywhere felt right without him by her side. But she wasn't about to tell him that.
"When do you leave?"
She shrugged. "I can't pinpoint it quite yet."
"After the weekend?" Alice nodded, fairly confident with that. "Then we'll at least have all weekend. Alice," he pulled at her arm slightly, beckoning for her to look at him. When she did he was smiling at her. "Don't stress yourself out over this. Josie's right. Either it's not your sister or it is. Either way, she sought you out. She wants to meet you. Don't you want to meet her?"
"Of course I do! But…" she sighed, "I don't want to go alone."
"Maybe Bella or Esme will have some time to spare." He offered. "You can call them up and ask."
"Not until I talk to this Cynthia person."
He nodded as he turned the car down their long driveway.
Alice stared at him then. For the years and years that she spent knowing and fearing his face, it was hard now to believe how she could look at him and feel nothing but love for him. There was nothing to fear here. Even as her eyes traced his scars, she found herself full of emotion, overwhelmed with how deeply she cared about him.
She still didn't understand how she had gotten so lucky.
He turned toward her and raised an eyebrow. "You're all over the place tonight."
"I love you." It was all she could think to say to explain her sudden influx of emotion.
He smiled his crooked smile at her and when she felt a wave of his own love, she smiled back.
And to think she'd fallen so hard for the man of her nightmares only served to amuse her nowadays.
Pulling into the garage Alice took note of the silent house; it was something she hadn't noticed before. Upon realizing they were fully alone, an idea sprung into her mind.
Picking up the letter, she held it close to her chest. "Where should I put this? I can hardly stick it on my shelf."
"We can lock it in the desk downstairs for safekeeping," he offered, putting the car into park and pocketing the keys. "You don't want to," he gestured toward the envelope, "I don't know, frame those pictures?"
"Not now. For now I just don't want it getting ruined."
He nodded and in minutes they were in the library.
He still didn't have access to the vast majority of resources he'd grown accustomed to throughout the years, but he was still allowed down there. Before he'd been allowed back home, passwords had been changed, specific files and databanks had been encrypted, and his digital allowances had been restricted.
He never once complained, but Alice knew he was itching to get back to work and to have his credentials restored.
Opening a drawer in his old desk he retrieved an old, large envelope, scribbling her name in the corner before sealing the letter from Cynthia inside and placing it back inside for safekeeping.
Alice knew that it was no safer inside the desk than it was sitting out on the kitchen island, but having it tucked away and out of sight made her feel ten times better.
As Jasper straightened up, turning toward her with a curious look on his face, Alice chewed the inside of her cheek, knowing that she had to go about this very carefully…
"Emmett doesn't get home until tomorrow night," she commented as she moved closer to him. Reaching out, she pushed the desk drawer closed fully before sitting herself up on the desk. Grabbing his hand she pulled him closer, spreading her knees as she tugged him between them. "We have the house to ourselves for most of the weekend." Then, just as she'd pulled him against the desk, she lifted her legs and wrapped them around his hips.
His hands moved to grip her thighs as she lifted her arms to hold onto his shoulders. She knew she was walking a dangerous line here. The chances of nothing coming of this attempt at seduction were alarmingly high, but she knew she had to at least try.
With ease she hoisted herself upward, using him as leverage.
"Alice," he warned, his deep voice hitching on her name as she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. But Alice couldn't just hear his want, she could feel it.
It hadn't taken her long, over the months, to figure out what exactly drove him mad. So thankfully she had a few tricks up her sleeves, and today she was determined to put in the work.
"Kiss me," she begged him, her voice taking on a slight whine. "Please, please kiss me."
She could almost feel his frustration in their kiss. His frustration with her usage of the whine she knew he couldn't resist, and his frustration with the fact that although she knew he wanted to take things further, he still was hesitant.
Gripping his hair she pulled him into the kiss and moaned, tightening her hold on him with her legs.
"Fuck," he whispered against her lips, and then she was kissing him with renewed fervor.
Grabbing her thighs, he pulled her against him. The sudden fiction caused her to gasp sharply. "Jazz—"
"Fuck, Alice," and then he was pulling his hands off of her thighs and moving them to encircle her waist. "Not tonight."
The sudden rejection was so painful that it stung. "But—" She didn't have time to complain before he was kissing her again. Only this time, it was less desperate…
"I had an episode today," he confessed, and Alice could hear just how miserable this information made him. "I'm sorry."
Shit. "No, I understand," she was shaking her head, forcing herself to come back into her own brain, trying hard not to think about how strong her desire was currently. But it was hard to ignore her arousal when Jasper's was still pressing against her.
He lowered her back onto the desk before letting his head flop forward onto her shoulder. As he let out a shuddering breath Alice removed her vice grip from his hair, instead letting her fingertips lightly scratch at his scalp. I love you, Alice thought pointedly, knowing he could feel it. I love you, I love you, I love you.
"I want to," he assured her, breathing shakily as he moved his hands from her waist to her neck, "I want to so badly," and in that moment, Alice saw it. If she pushed just a little further, if she said just the right thing, he would indulge her finally, right here and now.
But Jasper was shaking in her arms, and she knew he was still so afraid of hurting her.
And if he'd had an episode as recently as that very day, him hurting her was very much still within the realm of possibility.
Alice had recently begun to learn to be selfish, but she couldn't do that to him. That would be beyond selfish. And if he really lost control, not only would he potentially never forgive himself, but without anyone around to intervene she could be really, truly hurt.
"I know," she breathed, "I'm sorry. I saw that there was a chance and I…" she swallowed, feeling horrible at what she almost just forced to happen. "I almost pushed for it anyways."
He kissed her nose before catching her lips in a deep, but now careful, kiss. "Don't feel bad. It's nothing I don't want."
"When is the last time you had an episode before this?" As far as she'd been aware, it had been weeks since his last one. It had also been the longest period since Skye's influence had begun to wear off many months ago. Even still, traces of the effects lingered.
"The Tuesday after you left," he nodded, confirming her suspicion that his last episode had been the last one she'd already known about.
"Was it bad? Today, I mean." She kept her fingers moving in his hair, knowing how much he liked it when she scratched his scalp.
He hummed and shook his head all at once. "It only lasted a few seconds. Nothing visual. Just a little bit of an auditory hallucination. I thought Esme was in the room for a moment. No taunts, nothing severe."
Alice brightened at this information. "That's good," she encouraged. And it was.
The first time they'd attempted anything beyond simple kissing was the night he'd been allowed back home, last November. They'd been half-undressed when a hallucination took hold of him.
He hadn't hurt her, but it must've been on his mind. Alice hadn't even noticed a change in him, far too caught up in the sensations she was experiencing for the first time, but the instant he'd put his hands around her neck Edward had barged in, Emmett on his tail.
They'd had to drag Jasper from the room by his throat—while he snarled and screamed and shook—leaving Alice half-naked and frozen on her couch.
That had been their closest call. But ever since, Jasper knew that he had to do things the smart way, no matter how badly she knew he wanted to make love to her.
She felt herself flush with both want and embarrassment as she thought about how badly she wanted him.
"Soon then, huh?" She tried to lighten the mood, but her disappointment was still prevalent.
"Maybe," he sighed, and Alice knew he was just as disappointed. "Maybe if I can make it another month without one, we'll give it a try."
She brightened at that, pulling back from him enough to force him to lift his head and look at her. "A month then," she smiled softly up at him. "That's good." It was the first time he'd given her a time range or a deadline to look forward to. "Fingers crossed, then."
He pressed a kiss to her forehead before sighing. "I suppose you can't just look toward next month and see if we'll be in the clear yet or not?" His frustration was evident in his voice now, too.
Alice stifled a laugh. "I wish." The reminder that they were both equally upset by the fact that couldn't be intimate yet made her feel just the barest hint better.
"No use speculating then," pulling back he grabbed her hands and led her off the desk. "How was your day?"
Then, the reminder of what happened in Ithaca made her mood sour.
"Uh-oh," he grimaced. "That bad?"
"Let's go upstairs," she adjusted her grip on his hand as she led him out of the library. She didn't want to be the one to tell him, but she supposed tonight was going to be one of those rotten nights where they were forced to talk about the war again.
Of course, they'd talked about it at length, but as long as there were gaps in Jasper's waking memory and time left unaccounted for, there was going to be things left to uncover.
Alice knew that a lot of these things weren't going to be good.
As she led him through her bedroom door he took the lead, ushering her toward her couch. This had became their routine throughout their time together. If she could get away with it, Alice would spend weeks at a time snuggled up against Jasper on the soft, white couch. Realistically speaking, she knew they would at least lie there together for the remainder of the night.
"What's on your mind?" He pressed a kiss against her temple.
"You first," she whispered, content with just lying there in his arms.
He sighed, running a hand along her neck. It was the second time his hand traced the same pattern that Alice knew what he was running his fingers along.
To her surprise, the scar on her neck had faded pretty decently, all except for a small mark on the left side of her neck. The point of impact, Jasper had referred to it as. Venom was what caused the scar, and when it came to limbs and appendages ripped off, when teeth were involved the likelihood for scarring increased exponentially.
You could only really see the scar if you looked for it. But the point of impact, where Jasper had dug his teeth into her neck last October, was a glaring mark on the otherwise smooth skin of her neck.
"It's hard," he began slowly, "feeling as if I even deserve to make love to you sometimes. After all, I've hurt you this badly. It makes me wonder how any amount of pleasure is supposed to make up for the pain I've caused you."
"Jazz…"
"Forty years of fear, Alice. That's not something I can reverse."
"I'm not asking you to," she lifted her head, frowning at his miserable expression. "Just be with me now."
He breathed in slowly, and then exhaled. "For as long as you want me."
"Forever, remember?"
The corner of his mouth twitched up slightly at that. "If you say so."
She moved to poke his ribs then, but his hands caught hers too quickly. "Quit it."
Lifting her hand he pressed a kiss against her knuckles before gripping her hand and holding it against his chest. "Your turn," he finally glanced down at her. "What happened today that's got you so down?"
Alice swallowed. "I did a entry interview for a man who claims you turned him."
Jasper blinked down at her, stunned. "That's the first I've heard about something like that."
"I think he's the first to come forward. And he almost didn't."
Alice recapped the interview with him. Recalling how the kid almost kept the information entirely to himself, commenting on how he feared her bias would effect the outcome of his interview, and speculating what would happen now.
"I talked to Kollie a little before I left. The information will only leave the paperwork if the kid decides to talk about it himself."
"That's his right." Jasper was already resigned to the possibility.
"I don't know if he will. Not anytime soon at least."
"Should you be telling me this?" He pulled her closer against him. "Or do you not care about breaking the rules anymore?"
"I only break rules when it's for the greater good," she argued, "and you'll find out anyways. I think Carlisle and Rose have begun to expect that I tell you everything." That reminded her. "Speaking of, you should probably unblock her number soon. She was not happy on Wednesday."
"Did you tell her you told me to?" He spoke with a tick of annoyance.
"It may have slipped my mind…" It was his turn to attempt to poke at her ribs. Alice laughed, shifting before he could tickle her. "Stop," she giggled, "she's just going to harass you about the Times article."
"Why me? It's about you."
"And it also ends with an opened ended 'when will Jasper Whitlock finally be held accountable for his actions' question," she reminded him. They'd talked a little bit on the phone the other night, after the article had been out for nearly a full day. Two things had come from that conversation.
First, was that Alice really had to be careful now. That meant being as professional as possible in public, playing up the politician role in a way that would make Rosalie proud, and finding a way to keep up her ongoing public support.
Second, was that Jasper agreed with just about everything these people said about him.
And that wasn't good.
People were divided on how they felt about him. And that divide wasn't slight. Half of the country was either apathetic or empathetic to his experience in the war; meaning they felt for him or they didn't care. The other half of the country wanted either his presence removed from office, or his head removed from his shoulders.
"It's a valid question."
"You're almost through with probation," she reminded him, "so these people need to get over it."
"It's not that simple. I worked for decades to establish trust with these countries. Reestablishing it is not going to be easy this time around; and it wasn't easy the first time."
Alice nodded. "Now, everyone is being called into question."
"After we stabilize, and after the economy bounces back, earning the people's trust will be the biggest focus. For years, most likely."
"I've barely been here a year," she thought as she closed her eyes.
"And what a year it's been." Pressing his face against her head, he inhaled deeply. "What a year, indeed."
This time last year she'd been tiptoeing around him, equal parts horrified and intrigued by the fact that her mind could show her both visions of her death at his hands, as well as visions of everything she now found herself craving from him.
Now, she was looking forward to spending forever at his side.
"I love you," she sighed, knowing there was no place she'd rather be.
There was that same warmth from before, but there was a sadness underneath it all, just barely detectable in the air. "I love you, too."
It wouldn't be an easy forever, but it was theirs, and that's what mattered.
A/N:
Happy Sagittarius season! It's been one hell of a month for me, and I'm sure a lot of you all as well. Especially considering the fact that the first week of November felt like an entire month all on its own. Shoutout to this stupid country (USA) for kicking that dumb fuckin bigot to the curb finally; never been more relieved to see a (different) creepy white man secure the highest office in the land. Anyways...
This is the longest chapter yet! Over 7k words! I don't think you guys get another long chapter like this one for a good while now, so enjoy it. Be sure to follow me on Tumblr to see bonus things here and there, and feel free to send me a message over there if you're ever looking to chat about this series or any of my other fics. I participated (partially) in whumptober and (fully) in Jalice Week on Tumblr. You can find all of these fics on, you guessed it, Tumblr! ( flowerslut, like always) One of my whumptober contributions was a CotN alternative-ending type scene... so if you want to suffer while reading what could have been... be my guest!
Also! In addition to my writing hobby I am also a singer/songwriter and recently released a new song in September that I keep forgetting to tell you guys to check out! If you're willing to throw some cents my way via iTunes, Spotify, or Apple Music, you can go to my Instagram ( shutupmaybe) and click one of the MANY links available in my bio to stream (or buy!) Double Yellow Line today!
Thanks for reading, I fully appreciate all replies and alert notifications, and I'll see you guys next month!
REVIEW REPLIES:
ZileRacer: like they say... all is fair in love and war... or something like that... idk
I understand the frustration, I know. it's annoying to read and think "WHY TF CAN'T THEY JUST COME CLEAN" but there are far too many factors that impede honesty in the Protector's line of work... that's politics babey! related: I'm actually going to be constructing a "Guide" to publish sometime soon as a companion to both Call of the Night and Walk in the Dark, especially since there is just SO MUCH information that I dump on you guys in the first story that expecting you all to remember every little detail in order to enjoy this story is absolutely 100% unrealistic. too many characters, too many altered backstories, too many new phrases and titles... it's a lot! so those population questions will be answered at some point, whether in THIS story or in the guide, I promise you won't go on wondering forever.
Guest: ahh, we love a post-war adjustment! these poor characters lmao. do you mean talents of newly-changed vampires? right now each vampire that has been changed as a result of the war in the story is holed up in a newborn center somewhere across the continent, and all of them—regardless of gifted status—are mingling with the other newborns in their wing unless their power makes it difficult to be around others (which is RARE to the point of there not really being any standards of procedures for that) but any newborns that had made it out 'alive' and with a gift have been sat down and explained that secrecy isn't just of the utmost importance but it's vital to ensure their continued existence and their promised return to society. sound like a threat? eh, maybe just a little... but the vampire world is a messy, dark place to exist right about now...
ohsugarhoney: thanks for the belated hbd! and for the reviews! I really, really appreciate it! don't worry about this story being abandoned; right now I have 100k words of it written and I'm passed the halfway mark with a full outline already constructed. I pinky promise it won't get dropped, which is why I'm posting updates so slowly. the updates will come far more often once I have the entire thing fully finished, but until then you're only getting the monthly chapter drops! I'm so happy you're invested in the story despite being an E/B fan! that means a LOT to me, especially since us Jalice fic writers get overlooked pretty often in this fandom! thank you so much! I hope you enjoyed the little bits of fluff!