Three days later, Peter was following two women down the street.
Not in a creepy way or anything. He wasn't like that. He warned people off who were like that. The two women were walking on the sidewalk, and he was perched a couple levels above, scanning the surroundings ahead of the two as they moved along.
This street happened to have a lot of bars decorating both sides. Typically not a problem, and a common sight in any city, but the people who visited here didn't have the best reputation for being the friendliest when drunk. Peter liked to swing by to make sure that no one was going to cause any trouble, particularly on the weekends.
Judging off the pack of ruddy-faced men lingering in one of the alleyways, Peter had been right to visit. He recognized this group of guys. They were regulars to this street, and also regular nuisances. He could guess what was about to happen. The women seemed to have gotten the same feeling. They bunched closer together, each reaching for their purses as they eyed the men out of the corner of their eyes.
One of the men noticed who was approaching and gave a sharp cat-whistle. The rest of the group turned to stare. Oh yeah. Peter had seen those exact faces before. Those guys weren't up to any good. They'd never done anything besides unsolicited comments, but Peter also hadn't seen them this drunk before.
Best to intervene before anything could happen. Plus, he wanted to try out a catchphrase.
Peter lined up his webslingers. "Hey Karen, give me the web-grenades."
"Will do!" She replied cheerily, and something on his wrist whirred.
Peter fired.
The entire group of men burst into shrieks as they found themselves thrown against the alley wall, enveloped in a net of webbing. The two ladies stumbled back in surprise. One whipped out a can of pepper spray from her purse and brandished it threateningly, first at the men, then in Peter's vague direction. He was glad to see that she had at least one self-defense weapon one her, just in case Peter hadn't been around.
He couldn't help the grin as he watched the men squirm, pushing against the webbing that kept them trapped like sardines in one of those cans that you can pull the lid off.
Peter swung off the building to land on the wall above their heads. "Next time you guys get drunk and decide to jump someone like that-," Both women shriek in surprise at his voice, and the one with the pepper spray jerks around to aim at him. Peter could tell that she had to mentally reset when she caught sight of him, based on the way she froze. "-just remember what happened today. And don't."
One of the men let out a muffled curse, and the rest of them followed his example with barely legible insults.
Peter nodded at the women as he ignored the sound coming from the mass of webbing. "You ladies okay?"
"Uh," Pepper spray lady hesitated. "How are you sticking to that wall? Glue?"
The other woman shoved her arm and answered. "Yes. We are fine. Thank you Spider-man. We appreciate the..." she waved her hand at the mess beside them. "Preventative action you took."
"Are they stuck there forever now?" Pepper spray lady interrupted. "How long will it take before that stuff dissolves?"
"Just doing my part to keep the neighborhood safe," Peter said. "And it will take about an hour for the webbing to dissolve. Enough time for them to sober up hopefully. And it's not glue, it's uhh, spider powers."
Her eyes went wide. "Woah."
Her friend grabbed her hand and started to drag her away. "Anyways, thanks for the save, Spider-Man. We got to get home before its' too late. Bye!"
"Bye Spider-Man!" Pepper spray lady waved. "Hope to see you again!"
"Bye! You too!" Peter waved to their backs. It wasn't until the two disappeared around the corner that it registered that he didn't get to say the catchphrase. He put his hands up to his mouth and shouted after them. "Oh wait. Stay safe, uhh, civilians!"
Hope they heard that.
"And for you guys," Peter pointed at the men stuck to the side of the alleyway. "Don't do this again."
Considering that every single one of them was still shouting muffled curses at him, Peter hoped they heard that one too.
Peter climbed to the top of the building. He sat on the ledge, one leg hanging over the edge as he stared in the direction the women went. "I think that went well. What do you think Karen?"
The AI paused to consider. "I think that went exceptionally well. I especially liked the comment you made to the men about not performing such behavior again. I thought it was clever."
"Really?" He hung his other leg over the edge. Absent-mindedly, both limbs started to swing. "I thought it was pretty clever too. I'm glad you liked it. Those ladies were pretty nice too. They didn't try to run away or yell at me or anything. That was nice. What did you think of my catchphrase?"
"The 'stay safe civilians' ? You've had better."
Peter's shoulders slumped. "Yeah, I thought so too. It felt weird to say, like I was better than them or something. Definitely crossing that one off the list."
"That brings us down to two-hundred and forty-one options. Would you like to hear the next one you came up with?" Karen asked.
"Hit me with it."
"Hands up, or I'll web them up!"
He wrinkled his nose. "Ewww, that one is so bad! When did I come up with that?"
"At 4:28 this morning, during your ill-advised movie marathon." Karen sounded as disappointed over twelve hours later as she had in that moment. But Peter needed that marathon. It kept him distracted from certain thoughts that drifted through his head.
"That explains it. I was sleep deprived. Cross that one off the list too."
"That leaves you with two hundred and forty options. Do you want to hear another?"
"Sure!" Peter aimed and shot a web to a building across the way. He tilted forward until he fell off the roof, webbing catching his weight and swinging him forward.
"Have no fear, Spider-man is here."
Peter frowned as he rounded a corner, pulling himself upwards over a streetlamp. "Okay, that one is just a straight rip-off. I can't be going around saying a cartoon's catchphrase. No one would take me seriously."
"We can't have that happening," Karen agreed, a bit of amusement in her voice. "Option two hundred and thirty-nine is 'I'm Spider-man' in a deep, gravely voice."
"That's even more of a rip-off than the other one!" Peter protested. "I could get sued over that one!"
"How about 'Be careful, Spider-man is watching'?"
"That sounds too ominous. Like I'm some immortal being that can see everything happening at all times. Like God. Or Santa. Which I'm not. I'm just some super strong and sticky teenager in a suit. I can't see everything that is going on. There could be a robbery going on right underneath my feet and I would have no idea!"
Glass shattered and a piercing alarm shrieked through the air. Peter forced himself out of the swing, flipping to the nearest wall and clinging on. Below, at the source of the alarm, a jewelry store with blown out windows and a dark van parked in front.
"Talk about timing." Peter mumbled. "Guess I would know if a robbery was going on underneath my feet as long as the alarm goes off. Karen, can I get infrared?"
The suit's vision went blue. Three red figures appeared on the screen, one wielding a large shape that glowed nearly as bright as the robbers' body heat. All there were deeper inside the store. Two of them moved their arms like they were sweeping jewelry into bags, while the one with the large shape stood by. As Peter watched, one of the robbers motioned towards the other, who came over with the large shape and aimed it at something. There was a familiar sound, one that raised Peter's arm hair on edge, and the unarmed robber started to swipe from that spot.
Ah crap. They had the Toomes guns. It sounded like the one that shot out a pulse of energy, not one of the weird gravity ones. Okay, he would have to move fast then.
Before his nerves could get the better of him, Peter threw himself off the wall and swung into the store. He tucked into a roll as he hit the ground, ignored the crunch of glass under his suit, then popped into a kneel with both arms aimed at the closest burglars.
"Hands up, this is Spider-man!"
The burglars froze. All three were in black, including ski masks. They stared at him with wide eyes, jewelry clutched in their hands.
Peter sighed. "Yeah, that didn't sound good either. Can take that one off the list too."
"Noted." Karen said.
The armed burglar swung the gun around and let off a shot with a loud yell. Peter jumped to the ceiling to avoid the energy blast, releasing a string of webbing that slammed the second burglar onto the glass case behind them. His other web skimmed the third burglar, only trapping one arm against the wall.
"Let them go, you bug-eyed freak!" The armed burglar shouted, releasing a series of quick shots towards the roof. Peter crawled in a zigzag pattern, burning hot balls of energy melting plaster where his foot had been only seconds before as he scurried around the roof.
"Well, actually, spiders are actually arachnids, so technically not a bug," Another shot of webbing trapped the rest of the third burglar, who sawed at the webs with his free hand. Peter shot another one, encasing the man completely, just to be sure. "That's a common mistake though, so it's not too bad that you didn't know. The average IQ in Massachusetts is 104.3, but I can see that you're kinda on the low side of that, so I don't blame you for not knowing."
"Shut up!"
"Yeah! Shut up!" The burglar webbed to the glass case cheered.
"Nobody asked for your opinion, Mr. Stuck-to-glass-case. I already dealt with you. Fade back into the background." Peter scolded as he dropped to the floor. Armed burglar took another shot, which Peter dodged. More glass shattered as whatever was left of the front staging area of the store took the blast.
"Quick question." Peter shot the tip of the gun, keeping the strand attached to his hand. With a single yank of superhuman strength, he pulled it out of the burglar's hand and at his feet. The other hand tossed a web grenade. One small explosion of webbing, and the final burglar was plastered against the back wall of the store.
At Peter's feet, the gun let out a high whine. Let it be known that Peter Parker could learn. After the last couple of encounters with one of these guns, he knew how to take care of the problem. He stepped on the muzzle to hold it down, leaned in, pulled a few cables that looked important, and the gun powered off with a pathetic whirrr.
"Where did you guys get this gun?" He asked the previously armed burglar.
"Shut up!" The man spat.
"Is that the only word you know? I've heard toddlers with more vocabulary. That's kind of sad actually. It's no wonder you didn't know the word for arachnid."
"I said shut up!"
"You tell him!" Crowed the other burglar. "Don't say anything Rob!"
Peter's eyes narrowed, a smirk hidden behind his mask. "Ironic name. Did your parents know that they were dooming you to a life of crime when they named you Rob?"
"Shut up!" This one was aimed more at his partner in crime, who shrunk into himself at the shout.
Peter shook his head. "Man, you just keep disappointing me with your dialogue choice. Do you at least have an interrogation option? Here, I'll make one," He lifted his foot and stomped on the muzzle of the gun. It crunched like tinfoil under his suit shoes. Peter surged forward, suddenly right in the man's face with a forced gravely sound to his voice. "Tell me where you got this gun or else your neck will be next!"
The man fell for it. The skin showing around his eyes and mouth went pale. "I don't know. Just some street hobo. I swear!"
"You sure?" Peter graveled.
"I'm sure! 21st street, Queens, on one of the corners by the gas stations! I don't remember which one!"
Peter nodded his head seriously as he webbed the guy's mouth shut. He did the same to the other burglar for good measure. "Thank you for the information, criminal. The police should be here in-," Karen pulled up a countdown on his monitor "-three minutes. Have fun sticking around the scene of your crime."
Speaking of the scene of the crime. It was looking a bit… damaged. Shattered glass and precious jewelry scattered across the ground. Burnt wood and plaster mixed with the shiny mess. Three human shaped bundles of webbing plastered in different locations. Peter grimaced at all the holes in the ceiling. Hope there was nothing important up there.
He waved at the burglars, "Bye!", shot a line of webbing to the top of the building across the road, and swung out of the store.
"Did you catch all that Karen?" Peter asked the AI.
"I did. Do you want me to start a new file, or should I add to the old file labelled as 'Toomes'?"
"A new file," Peter decided as he took a large swing around a street corner . "But link it to the other file, since they are connected. It's stupid that taking down Toomes didn't stop the guns. I guess that means whoever made the stuff is still out there. Hey Karen, do you have access to any police records? Can you bring up any reports that have these guns in them?"
Karen hummed as she sped through her programs and permissions. "I'm sorry Peter. It appears I can access low priority reports, but high priority or high risk files are out of my bounds."
"That's fine. We'll just have to work with what we have. Any police files are better than nothing." Peter landed on the roof of a building. He crouched by the edge, looking over the street to keep an eye on the people below.
"Just be aware, if you access too many police files, a notification will be sent to Tony Stark about your actions."
Like a punch to the gut, all the air left Peter's lungs. His eyes went wide and the rest of his body froze. A jumble of emotions started to rise up his throat.
"What!" He squeaked. "What protocol is that!?"
" Curiosity Almost Killed the Cat protocol."
Would Mr. Stark (Tony? Da- Oh, not that. Not that one.) even care? He definitely didn't seem to when they last saw each other. But Pepper said Mr. Stark was in shock and felt absolutely terrible for what he did. But she couldn't know for sure exactly what Mr. Stark was thinking, because despite being his fiancee and one of his closest friends for over a decade, she wasn't Mr. Stark. She couldn't know exactly what was going on in his head. Miss Potts could have just been trying to be very nice or-
"So we're not using any police files then." Peter cut off his thoughts. "I don't want to get Mr. Stark involved. He's a bit… busy. We will just do this the old fashioned way."
"Old fashioned way?"
"Yep! With some hotdogs, friendly attitude, patience, and the homeless people who live on 21st street."
"Should I add that to the catch-phrase list?" Karen asked.
"No! It wasn't anything close to a catchphrase! Karen, why would you think that?!"
AN:
Hey folks! Its been a hot second, hasn't it 0-o. My bad. Haven't been over here on ff. for a while, but the Trigun anime/manga fics dragged me back. I felt bad for not updating over here as I was on other websites, even if it was just two chapters. But you know how the pattern goes. You slowly start to lose interest in a fandom, then something else grabs your attention, then other fic ideas start up, and the next thing you know its been years since the last update. I decided the least I could do was catch you up to what ao3 has. There is a small chance I might update again but it is unfortunately low. If anyone is interested, I wouldn't mind posting what plans I had going on for this fic, not that it was very fleshed out lol.
Anyways, thank you everyone! For the comments, for the favorites, for the views. Each and every one made me smile and giggle uncontrollably, even years later. Love you folks!