A/N: Full disclosure – this storyline is one of those situations where it gets worse before it gets better. There will be a lot of dialogue, discussion, sadness and eventually healing. But it's one I've been wanting to write for ages and I am finally ready to share it with you all x

Enjoy!

Chapter 1: The first cut is the deepest (Prologue)

"and when it comes to being lucky, he's cursed.

when it comes to lovin' me, he's worst."

Erin Halstead sat on the steps leading up to the front door of their home. Recalling their exchange, the question sat heavy in her heart – was it still their home? She looked down at the photo in her hand and felt her heart break further. Deep inside, a part of her always thought this day could come – that he would grow tired of her, that she would live up to the disappointing reputation she's carried since childhood; that a life with her would one day, no longer be enough to satisfy him. And she would lose him.

The cold wind of Chicago night-time had no affect; she couldn't feel anything anymore. Erin was lost, unsure of what to do next. Did she go inside, beg him to stay? Or did she give up the fight and let him go?

Or maybe, just maybe, could she admit it to him as well as herself; that the questions he stirred up tonight were ones she had been asking herself for a while now. Could she really do that; should she let it all fall apart and bury them in the rubble?

The smiling faces in the photo taunted her, blurring over as tears filled her eyes once more. Their story was 'one for the books' – a truly great love. It made her single friends swoon in awe, and his mercilessly tease them about how sappy and romantic it all really was. But through it all, they had always been the couple that gave others hope.

They had been the reason Kim burgess had decided to give Adam Ruzek one more chance. They gave Antonio faith that he would find another love of his life after losing the woman he thought was it – Laura. They set Atwater up with his future; a nurse in Chicago Med by the name of Avery Jones – soon to be Avery Jones-Atwater. And they had stood proudly as best man and maid-of-honour when Will Halstead finally married Natalie Manning; his little brother's love story convincing him to fight for a happy ending to his own.

Erin and Jay had been partners in work and life for just over a decade; a couple for seven of those years, married for the last three, and having welcomed two children along the way. But somewhere in that time, they had grown apart. They existed in the same space but as completely separate entities – it no longer felt like they were two halves of a whole. And now that he had put it out there, everything they held dear to them was up in the air.

It had been the fight they could not sweep under the rug, unlike so many before. What had started out as a difference of opinion quickly snowballed into an all-consuming, hurtful exchange of ill-treated words. And when Jay said the words that threatened to break them for good, Erin had simply walked away. It wasn't that she didn't understand where those feelings had come from, but she was too scared to face it in that moment. She didn't want to face the possibility of losing everything.

…

Jay Halstead sat on the edge of their bed, nursing a glass of whiskey as the stillness swept through their home. Looking around the room Jay let out a heavy sigh – was this home anymore? He had for so long been taught that home isn't a place, it's a person. But right now, Jay was struggling to determine if his person still wanted to be his home at all. If she was even still his person.

When Erin had returned quietly walking to the bedroom, all Jay wanted to do was hold her in his arms and forget about the words they had thrown at one another earlier that night; the words he had yelled out in the heat of the moment knowing they would hurt her.

It wasn't that what he'd said held no truth – in reality, he had been feeling this uncertainty for a while now but had been scared to rock the boat quite so hard – but as he stood at the foot of their bed, Erin standing in the doorway of their bedroom looking back at him, Jay froze.

The look on her face said it all; she had not been prepared to hear what he said, but she felt it too.

Jay saw the tremble in her hand as the photo shook in her grasp. He felt a sharpness in his heart when he saw which one it was. The photo she had carried around in her jacket since the day it was taken; the day they had welcomed their second child into their family. Erin was laying in Jay's arms, their baby boy safely in her hold as they sat on the floor of the living room. Their daughter stood next to Jay, her head on his shoulder as she stared down at her little brother completely awe-struck.

He remembers that moment like it was yesterday. Their future had felt limitless then. He couldn't recall a time he'd felt happier and more hopeful than on that day. He'd never felt more certain of his future with her and the family they were building together – a stark contrast to the way he felt in this moment.

Erin's eyes were lifeless. She felt numb, devoid of emotions, like she was floating outside of her own body – she knew what was happening and the choice she was about to make. But she felt like a spectator in this conversation.

Erin bit down on her lip in an effort to keep herself from crying any more. As hard as this was for her to do, she knew Jay would only feel worse seeing her cry because of him. Her heart felt like it was about to rip out of her chest as she looked at the man she loved. The man she still loves.

But was love enough anymore? Was any of it? That was the question that repeated, like a mantra in her head, as she found the courage to ask him;

"How long have you been unhappy in our marriage?"

"Probably about as long as you've been."

With that confession, they both knew that no matter what happened next – their life would never be the same again.

It was never going to be an easy decision, both avenues holding their own set of consequences. But they were well past the point of no return now. The options weighed heavy in both their hearts. Stay and work through it or call time of death here and now?
To rebuild what had broken, or to shatter it completely. Quite simply; Fight or flight?

This was it – the choice was theirs.

Wallow in the destruction, or to rebuild in salvation.

"I still want you by my side

Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried."

A/N: So, this was more of a prologue but let me know what you think this story will be about! (unless you're follow me on twitter – then I know y'all already know what it's about lol)

I'm so excited to dive into this story and show you all what I've been working on, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do x

Please leave a review and let me know your thoughts,

Maddie :)