A/N: wow look at me updating quickly?

For the purposes of this story; I changed some part of season 4's ending episode – Erin never put her gun in that perp's mouth in 4x22. So, she was a part of dealing with the case involving her mother, though Voight still kept her on a tight leash.

Enjoy!

Chapter 2: Chasing Pavements

"I'll never say enough 'cause it was not said to you,

and that's exactly what I need to do."

2017

"I'm really glad you came tonight." Jay says as he walks Erin out of Molly's.

Erin nods and musters up what she hopes is a reassuring look "I need to talk to you about something."

"Ooh, me too." Jay's eyes light up as he tells her.

Erin puts her hand on his shoulder stopping him "Do you mind if I go first? I don't know how much longer I can handle this."

Jay's body tenses "what's wrong?"

"I got an offer from the FBI, the agent who'd detained Bunny … she offered me a job in New York."

As Erin explains the situation and her current idea – to trade her life in Chicago for Bunny's freedom – Jay's face grows more panicked. He's quiet when Erin finishes speaking, shock evident on his face. Jay paces back and forth as he rambles.

"No, no, no. No! I was supposed to have more time! We were supposed to have time. Dammit, I haven't had time to fix it all!"

"Jay, what are you talking about?"

"You're not supposed to be leaving, Erin! You're supposed to stay here with me. We're supposed to live the rest of our lives together and grow old in Wisconsin and maybe even have a couple kids running around our apartment if you wanted to but- not this. This isn't supposed to be happening!"

"Jay–" Erin's thoughts disappear when Jay's frantic pacing suddenly stops and he pulls something out of his jacket pocket, dropping down on one knee.

"This isn't how I wanted to do this. I wanted time to make a plan, to set things up nicely for you. To make it special. But now we're running out of time."

"What the hell are you doing?" Erin exclaims, Jay ignoring her attempts to pull him up off the ground. He proceeds to open the jewellery box and let his actions speak for his words.

"Marry me."

The question falls flat as silence envelops them. Jay holds the box in his hand, his mother's ring safely seated in the pillow. Erin stares down at him in shock. Was he really doing this?

"I just told you I got offered a job in New York, and you're proposing?" Erin asks confused.

Jay smiles tenderly "Erin, everything has been so messed up lately. Our jobs, Abbie, your mother … but it doesn't matter. I love you, and I know I've screwed up so much in the past few weeks – But I want to fix this. I want to fix us. Please. I'm asking you to stay here with me; to give us a second chance. Because I know that we could have the best life together, and I will do everything in my power to give you the life you deserve. I need you. Please."

Erin looks unsure. Up until now, she was almost certain about going to New York. But here was Jay, the man she loved more than anyone in the world, offering her the life she so desperately wanted. Promising her the love she had sought her whole life.

"We have so much to talk about, Jay. There's so much we need to work through." Erin noted.

"And we can work it all out along the way. If our history has taught me anything, it's that you and I can get through whatever life throws our way. So, what do you say? You gonna keep me on my knee forever?" Jay chuckles, looking up at her hopefully.

She wanted this with him, right? And – despite the doubt weighing her stomach down – he seemed to want it too, didn't he? He was down on one knee, asking her to spend the rest of her life with him. Asking her to stay, because Jay needed her. And Erin had never been loved in this way; to the point of being considered a necessity to another person's life. She could want this. She did want this – this is all she has ever wanted. To be loved the way Jay loves her.

Maybe, they really could do this. They could handle whatever life threw at them. They would figure it out along the way, just like he said. So long as they had each other.

Erin's eyes flicked between his own and the ring he held in his hand. She took a deep breath, giving him a small smile as she whispered,

"Yes."

Jay's smile grew at her words and he stood up in front of her "Yes?"

"Yes." Erin repeated, nodding emphatically "I want to marry you. Yes, Jay."

…

After weeks of Erin laying alone in their bed - waiting every night in the hopes that it would be the night Jay returned - they were here again. It felt like when you were down to the last piece of a thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle. The satisfaction in knowing that after so much frustration, so many wrong pieces in the wrong place, every pause you took and restart you went through; it was all worth it to finally feel that sense of completion.

Jay was that missing piece in the puzzle of their home, and Erin's life had never felt more complete than in this moment.

They lay in bed together without saying anything, enjoying the peaceful silence. They had left their curtains open, the moon the only source of light filling the room. Jay had one arm extended under her pillow and the other wrapped around Erin's waist holding her to him, her back against his chest. His heart felt at ease, the tension he had carried around for the last few weeks finally dissipating.

"I love my ring." Erin says softly into the near-darkness. Jay smiles and kisses her shoulder.

"Before she died, she told me that Will and I that whoever found the right woman first would get to give them her engagement ring." Jay whispered into her ear as he pulled her body tighter into his embrace.

Erin smiled and looked over her shoulder "So, you think you found her, huh?"

Jay shifts and gently tugs on Erin's arm, so she rolls onto her back. He leans over her slightly, brushing his hand over along her cheek with a serious look on his face.

"I know I have. This isn't a decision I made out of the blue Erin. I admit, I only asked Will for my mother's ring yesterday - but I have known that you were my future since that night you showed up at my apartment instead of going to your press-conference. You chose me, and I know my actions recently haven't been the most supportive of my next words, but when it comes down to it; I will choose you time and time again. You're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with."

"Then why leave in the first place, and why come back now? Just because you had this sudden realisation?"

"It wasn't sudden. I've known that for years now, but I was too scared to take that leap. I didn't want to risk what we have. And then I nearly fucked everything up when I walked out of here all those weeks ago. I thought I had lost you already, and then tonight I thought I was truly losing you. For good. And I just realised I couldn't wait any longer to tell you how I feel; to try and wait until everything else in my life was fixed because the chances of that ever happening are slim to none. Our lives are always going to be messy and complicated. Nothing in this life is easy, but nothing worth fighting for ever is. And this, you and our future, are worth fighting for. You're the right woman for me, Erin Lindsay. I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you, for me to come back to you. But I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere."

Erin smiled through the tears staining her face "that's all I want. All I've ever wanted was you to be here, Jay. I don't care that you're not perfect, lord knows I'm not. But I need to know that we're in this together, always. Can you promise me that?"

"I'm your partner Erin, always. I promise."

"Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere.

2023 – one day after.

Erin clenched her hand as she held onto the island bench in the kitchen. Her eyes focused on the engagement ring and wedding band that she had worn for seven and three years, respectively. She can still vividly remember the night Jay proposed to her. The way her heart soared when they had lay in bed in their apartment that night and Jay had held her tightly as he told Erin that it was his mother's engagement ring now resting on her finger.

It seemed like another lifetime. They were so far removed from that young and naively in-love couple; between changes at work and expanding their family, they had lost who they used to be somewhere along the way. Erin could count on one hand every instance they had made an effort to make time for one another; the rescheduled date nights which just ended up never happening, the missed dinners because they were stuck in the office, the half-assed efforts for valentine's day, birthdays, anniversaries. Sure, they had demanding jobs, not to mention two kids to look after; but had they really let things get this bad?

The thought of their children made her heart break further. How would they handle this if she and Jay decided to end things? Erin shook the idea from her head. She didn't need to go down that path quite yet; nothing had been set in stone.

They agreed to not agree on any big, potentially life-changing decisions last night; they would let their heightened emotions simmer, their heads clear and hopefully things wouldn't seem so bad in the light of a new day. So, Erin and Jay had lay in bed awkwardly the entire night. Neither had been able to fully sleep, tossing and turning beside one another.

It had hit Erin somewhere in the night that even in their sleep they were now distant – her pillow needs had reduced significantly over the years, and there was a time in their lives where every night they would lay in one another's arms and discuss their day until they drifted off to sleep. The realisation that it had been so long since that occurred, that she could no longer remember the last time, made tears spring to her eyes again as the words he had told her in the early stages of their relationship sprung to mind.

"I'm going to tell you what I would tell you … a year from now. Two years from now. Twenty years from now. Do your thing, babe."

The promise had been made on a whim, but it held so much significance for them. A promise of forever. It rested heavy in her mind and heart all night, and when she saw the first peep of light stream through their windows she slipped out of bed and headed downstairs; conscious of Jay's eyes staring her down the entire time she did so, but not making any move to stop her.

And so, Erin sat alone in the living room watching the sun rise over the streets of Chicago until she heard Jay get up for the morning. They went through the motions, both giving each other enough space as they got ready for their day. When Erin slipped into the shower, Jay recalled all the times he used to join her. The way she would giggle when he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his naked form. When Erin heard the buzzing of his razor, she thinks about the days when she would sit on the counter wedged between the double sinks in their bathroom and Jay would stand between her legs as she shaved him. Her tongue poking out in concentration always managed to put a smile on his face and he would laugh when she got super focused and her tongue hung out more, often resulting in her cutting him and then scolding him for moving as she dabbed at the slight bleeding.

Their relationship had become an afterthought in recent years, and only now – that they faced the possibility of losing everything that they built with one another – did they start to think about all the little things they had already lost. The things that, while not important to most, defined Erin and Jay at the core of who they were as a couple. Those little things created the foundation of their relationship; the intimacy they shared, the love that grew between them and the communication that had once been so strong. It was all outlined by those little moments and small gestures since partnership, that they had seemingly forgotten to keep-up somewhere along the way.

Erin's thoughts were cut off by the sound of the front door opening.

"Mama?" Erin heard her daughter first before the pitter-patter of little feet grew as they raced towards the stairs.

"Kitchen." Erin called back, chuckling when the footsteps stopped and seemingly turned away from the stairs before rushing to where she was.

Erin barely had time to put down her coffee before her son was launching himself into her arms "Hi mama!" he yelled excitedly.

Erin smiled as her son barrelled towards her. At four years old, Andrew 'Drew' William Halstead was one of the most energetic little boys any of their friends and family had ever known. He was his father's mini-me, complete with green eyes and the same smirk that seemed to have been inherited by every generation of Halstead males. But he had his mother's dimples and hair which flopped in a mess of loose curls; he was simultaneously the cutest and cheekiest little boy. Drew had his parents – as well as their friends and family – wrapped around his finger, which often got him into a lot of trouble; and Will had often told Jay and Erin that it was karma for how much grief Jay gave his mother and father when he was that age.

"Hi Drew-Bear! I missed you." Erin said as she lifted her baby boy, so he was resting on her hip and hugged him tightly.

"It's okay mama, I'm here now!" He replied, practically shouting in her ear.

Erin winced slightly as she tried to pull her head back from him "Drew, we talked about this, you got to try and speak a little softer when you're close to people's ears; remember?"

"Oh, sorry mama." He apologized lowering his voice.

Erin kissed the top of his head "It's alright bud. Now, where's your sister?"

Right on cue, Kim Burgess-Ruzek trails in with said daughter held into her side as they laugh about something.

"Hi Mama." Everly smiles as she walks towards Erin.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Have we met before? You look a lot like this kid I adopted a few years back, but we haven't seen each other in a while so I can't really be sure."

Everly rolls her eyes as she hugs her mum, tucking herself into Erin's other side so she can hug both her kids.

"Very funny. I've only been gone a week." Everly replies "You're the one who agreed for me to go to camp."

"Yeah well, that was before I realised how much I would miss you. Did you grow while you were gone? You left fourteen-years-old and come back seventeen." Erin says softly kissing Evie's cheek and hugging her tighter.

Evie frowns and looks up at Erin "Are you okay, mum? You're acting weird."

"Well, weirder than usual, that is." Kim adds.

Erin narrows her eyes playfully, but before she can reply Drew yells into her ear once more. Erin freezes as her husband rounds the corner, Kim watching them both.

"Daddy!"

Jay smiles as his eyes meet his son's and he reach his arms forward and lifts him out of Erin's hold.
"Hey little man! How was your sleepover with Jack?"

"So much fun! Uncle Adam gave us chocolate cake for dinner." Drew says impressed.

Erin glances at Kim, to which she shrugs in reply "Don't look at me. You think I have any control over what that man does?"

Jay shakes his head amused as Drew asks "Dad, can we have chocolate cake for dinner tonight?"

"Not unless you want all your teeth to fall out, silly goose. That's way too much sugar for your little teeth and gums," Jay teases and tickles his son's stomach causing him to squirm.

Erin and Jay look at one another, Kim watching their discomfort with one another in confusion.

"Good morning." Erin says softly.

Jay nods back "Morning."

He looks at his daughter who's still resting comfortably in her mother's embrace and smiles,
"Hi peanut, how was camp?"

"Good. How was your weekend together?" Evie asks looking to her parents.

The discomfort written on both their faces is evident to Kim, who watches the two in confusion.

"Fine." They both quickly say before Erin looks at Evie "Why don't you go unpack and bring down all your laundry so I can put it on before we go?"

"Okay." Evie says, not sensing the tension between the adults. She picks up her duffle bag and thanks Kim for the lift home before heading upstairs.

"Uh, I'll go change him out of his pyjamas." Jay says, motioning to their son's spiderman pyjamas that he was still wearing from the night before.

"Okay."

"I'll see you later Burgess." Jay nods to her before heading up the stairs to get Drew ready for the day.

Kim watches Jay walk up the stairs, waiting until he is no longer within hearing range before turning to Erin "Alright, what's going on with you?"

"What do you mean?" Erin says turning away from her to wash her coffee cup.

"Your eyes are bloodshot, like you've been crying for a week straight. Not to mention how awkward you and Jay seemed around each other." Kim points out "You can hide it well enough from your kids, but I know better."

"… I can't get into it right now." Erin sighs.

"Did something happen? Are you okay?" Kim pushes.

"Kim, please." Erin's voice breaks as she looks back at her friend "I can't do this right now. If I do, I'm gonna fall apart and I can't. not in front of my kids. Please."

Kim looks at her uncertain, but eventually steps forward and gives Erin a quick hug "When you're ready, I'm here. Okay?"

"I know, thank you." Erin says trying to keep her tears at bay.

Kim nods and pulls away, "I should go. Adam's probably made a mess trying to get the twins ready for school anyways, I should go do some damage-control."

Erin laughs softly at the thought of Adam Ruzek trying to get his rambunctious kids under control and ready for the day ahead.
"Yeah, go. I'll talk to you later."

"… Are you sure you're okay?"

Erin forced a smile onto her face that she hoped would convince Kim well enough.
"I will be."

Everly and Andrew filled the uncomfortable car ride with noise. Jay and Erin barely spoke to one another, opting to ask their children questions instead. But once Evie had been dropped off at school, Drew at day-care, they were left alone for the ten minute journey to the 21st District.

Jay looked out the window as Erin drove, the radio low as she concentrated on the road.

"Thanks for dropping me." Jay says breaking the silence as they near the district.

"Well your car is at the 21st, I wasn't going to make you find your own way there just because we–" Erin stops mid-sentence, glancing at him "I always drive us to work, it's not a big deal."

Jay sees the 21st District come into view and he leans down to grab his bag and jacket from the floor. The car jerks suddenly and Jay braces his arm against the door. He looks up at Erin, who's still staring forward but has quickly pulled over instead of entering the parking area of the District just ahead.

"Erin?" Jay sits up.

Erin looks at him, uncertainty in her eyes "I can't go the whole day without discussing this."

Jay sighs "Erin, we have to go to work. You really want to have this conversation now?"

"I just need to know. What you said last night, is that really how you feel? Is that what you want?"

Her voice is soft, scared to ask the question. Jay looks away from her "I don't know what I want. But I know we have to change something, before we both start to feel like divorce is the only option we have left. I don't want to become that bitter couple that resent each other for staying. That's not who we are."

"I know." She agrees timidly "So, maybe we should take some time apart?"

"What?"

Erin turns to face him, taking Jay's hand in hers. It's the most contact they've had since she walked out the night before, and he's surprised by how comforting it feels.

"I'm not asking you to move out or anything, but I don't think either of us are going to be able to think about all this when we're constantly in each other's space."

"Maybe– maybe I should stay with Antonio or Ruzek for the weekend? You can have the house to yourself, I can ask Hank to keep the kids with him or something."

"They've had a busy week as it is, I can keep them with me for the weekend. Kim already said she was coming over tomorrow anyways; she can help me with them. I'm sure they've missed being in their own home." Erin interrupts.

"If that's what you want. And we'll talk on Sunday night when I get back?"

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea."

"Okay." Jay says.

Erin echoes his "okay", watching him gather his things.

Jay's hand stops on the door handle. He turns back around to look at Erin, hesitation clear on his face before he quickly leans over and kisses her cheek. Erin can't help the small smile that graces her face – despite the heavy conversation looming ahead, it felt reassuring to end this moment on a better note.

Erin sniffles, her voice strained as she says "Have a good day at work. Be safe."

"You too. I'll see you on Sunday." Jay says stepping out of the door.

Erin nods as he shuts the door. She wipes at her eyes while Jay walks to the sidewalk just outside the District, putting the car into 'DRIVE' and pulling back into traffic before he can see her crying.

Jay felt his heart ache and tears threaten to fill his own eyes as he watches her drive off; not needing to see her through the car window to know that, for the umpteenth time in the last day, he's caused her to cry. He looked up at the building that they would once walk into together. So much had changed since the last time they walked up these stairs as partners, and Jay could admit that he was scared of what else could change now because of their fight. The thought of breaking his family apart terrified him, but the thought of staying in a marriage where neither was happy … he couldn't do that to himself, and he wouldn't do it to Erin either. She deserved better than that.

"Hey boss," Kevin Atwater greets, clapping Jay on the back as he walked past him "You comin' up, or we doin' an outdoor briefing today?"

Jay forces a smile onto his face as he looked to Antonio "Yeah, I'll be up in a sec."

Taking a deep breath, Jay pushes his concerns over his marriage to the back of his mind. He couldn't think about it right now. He had an entire team relying on him, and if he made one mistake it could someone their life. He needed to focus on his job for now.

"You know, we no longer work together. So, a lot of the old rules and regulations, they don't apply anymore."

But as he walked inside the building, the sinking feeling in his stomach didn't dissipate any less. As he walked past the locker room, the breakroom and through the bullpen; all he could think about was his wife, the memories they had shared in this very office that had been defining moments of their relationship.

"Cases come and go, bosses come and go, jobs come and go. I don't want you to come and go."

And as much as Jay tried to ignore the helplessness he felt, it was impossible. He just wanted to fix this, to pretend like it never happened, but that was not an option. They were in limbo, and neither of them know how they get out of it.

Or would it be a waste?

Even if I knew my place, should I leave it there?"

Thank you for the reviews, PMs and DMs – I greatly appreciate each one x
To answer some of the questions and things people pointed out:

1) Erin and Jay's argument will all be revealed in good time …

2) the format of this story is different than anything I have written before; but there will be a 'flashback' scene at the start or ending of every chapter which relates to different parts of the story, to better understand how exactly Erin and Jay got to the point they are now.

3) This chapter is a little slower, it feels slightly repetitive and moody to me lol – but it feels important and anyone who has read my stories knows that things usually pick up a little more in the later chapters. We'll start getting into how exactly Erin and Jay got to this point in their relationship.

I know this chapter focused more on things from Erin's perspective, but chapter 3 will have Jay's a bit more. Chapter 4 will be Kim and Erin's talk, as well as Jay and Antonio/Adam's conversations and then Chapter 5 will really kick off this story properly haha

Please read and review – let me know what you think!

Maddie :)