Chapter 15 – A moment? A lifetime.

"Are we

a moment,

Or a

lifetime?"

December 2018

Erin had unexpectedly rushed out of the house early in the morning. Jay and Evie had already been cuddled in the living room; Erin was also awake but chose to stay in bed and let her two favourite people have some time together. She could hear their voices muffled by the distance between them, but she'd wanted to give them their space. Even though Jay had apologised for his outburst a few weeks ago Erin still wanted to give them some space; his words had stung, despite the fact that he hadn't meant them.

But when her phone rang just as the sun was beginning to come up, she had been unable to leave Evie and Jay in the serenity of their little bubble on the couch. Jay frowned and his heart began to race when he saw the frazzled state of his fiancée as she ran into the living room.

"Erin?" He asks, Evie looking up at her too.

"Have you seen my keys? I can't-I can't find my keys."

Jay looked to Evie, quietly assuring her to stay seated as he approached his partner.

"Erin, what's going on?"

"… I have to go and see Kim."

She didn't need to say anything further, the look in her eyes spoke volumes. They had all been holding their breaths since yesterday afternoon, when Kim took a beating from a sex trafficker while trying to save his victim. The entire team had watched helplessly as Adam carried the two most important people in his arms out of the house, silently hoping that the two detectives would not lose their little one.

But Erin's words confirmed what Jay had been hoping would not be the outcome.

"Adam called. He needs my help, and I can't find my fucking keys!" Erin continued rummaging around.

"Um, Erin?" Evie spoke softly, holding her hand out "You le-left them on the coffee table."

Erin looked at the little girl, visibly shaken up by her guardian's sudden outburst. She had always done her best to keep her emotions in check, especially around the little girl, but Erin had failed to do so tonight. Taking a breath, she kneeled down in front of Everly and carefully took the keys from her.

"Thanks, Ev. I'm sorry for raising my voice. I'm just really worried about Kim." Erin said in a softer tone now.

Evie nodded understandingly "Do you want Billy-Bear? Maybe he can help, like he helped Jay."

"That's super kind of you, I just don't think Billy can help this time around. But thank you for offering, sweetheart." Erin stood and pulled the little girl in for a hug "I'll be back in a little while, no more than two hours."

"It's okay. I know Jay will take care of me, so you can stay with Kim until she's okay if you want."

Jay smiled at that, grateful that Evie trusted him so much. He wrapped one arm around Erin, kissing the top of her head as he placed his other hand on Evie's shoulder.

"Yeah, we got this Er. Be with Kim; we'll be waiting when you get home."

Erin stood still, enjoying their embrace before she let reality seep back in.
"I love you. So much."

Jay squeezed her tighter as he mumbled against her hair,
"We love you too."

…

"Are you sure you don't want to go to bed, Peanut? You're looking pretty sleepy there." Jay asks as the credits roll on the documentary they were watching.

It was approaching 6am but Evie hadn't slept very much the night before, so he figured she could benefit from a few more hours' sleep. Thankfully, neither of them had anywhere to be this early weekend morning.

Evie's eyes fluttered heavily as she struggled to fight sleep "I want to wait for Erin."

"She might be a while. I can wake you up when she comes back home."

Evie nodded tiredly and rooted her head against Jay's chest "I want her to make sure she comes home safely."

Jay's heart lurched in his chest at her words. One of Evie's biggest concerns was their safety, particularly Erin's. She would often get very anxious if Erin wasn't home within half-an-hour of letting them know she was on her way home, since they only lived twenty minutes from the district. It was understandable that she would feel this way; her mother had simply gone out to get cookies and been hit by a drunk driver, so for all Evie knew Erin's late arrival home could be due to something worse than traffic.

"Okay. We can wait for her here then.'

Evie nodded against him "I like hanging out with you though, Jay."

"You do?" Jay asks, surprised.

"I feel safe with you. I know you'll look after me too."

Jay smiles at her half-asleep mumbles. It reassures him to hear from Evie just much she seems to trust him; Jay had been scared that, given everything she knew about his nightmares, she might question his ability to provide the feeling of safety Everly so desperately needed. Evie wasn't scared of him. She didn't see a fractured shell of a man, or his faults, nor his mistakes. Evie saw a man she could confide in, one who would keep her safe, who would help her through the nightmares and protect her.

Looking at the little girl, whose head was now in his lap as she finally gave in to her exhaustion, Jay felt his body fill immeasurably. He loved Evie, just as much as Erin did as if she was his own child.

Maybe, he could do this after all. He wanted this.

Jay wanted to be Evie's Dad.

December 25th, 2018

Christmas Day 2018 had been the best Christmas that Erin and Jay had celebrated in years. Their apartment felt homier, having done up the entire space to make it livelier for their young friend. Everly had told Jay and Erin that Christmas was sad for her this year because it would be the first without her parents, and it had always been their favourite holiday together. So, Jay and Erin had been determined to make it as wonderful a Christmas as they could for the little girl.

Their apartment had a modest pine tree, shorter than most so that Evie could easily decorate most of it; the ornaments that did not fit on the tree were hung on a string that ran along the curtain rod over the glass doors that exited from their living room out onto the balcony, as well as some dropping from the ceiling after Evie had asked Jay if they could hang some up there.

The fireplace had stockings with each of their names stitched onto the front. Evie's grandmother had knitted and sent one for her, so the little girl would have it hung up all Christmas in anticipation of the older woman's arrival. Jay had the same stocking that he's possessed since childhood, one sewn together by his mother in preparation of his birth. Erin's stocking was gifted to her by Hank on her first Christmas with the Voight family.

Jay and Erin were now snuggled up on the couch watching 'Love Actually' while the snow fell outside, a most beautiful winter wonderland in their midst. Everly and her nana Ruth had gone out to get hot cocoa from the street vendor just down the block while they shared a night-time walk; She had been so excited to show her grandmother her room, and her favourite parts of Chicago while she stayed with them this week. Ruth had been so happy to see how easily Evie seemed to have adjusted to life with Erin and Jay.

"You've given her a life better than I could have ever hoped for her. Thank you."

Erin shuffled on the couch, settling heavier against Jay. His feet were crossed and propped up on the coffee table, Erin's legs curled up atop his extended ones, one arm of Jay's holding her from underneath so she was secure against him and the other against the backrest propping his head up so he could see the screen properly.

"This has been a great Christmas." Erin says softly "Thank you for my gift, baby. It's beautiful."

Jay spied the bracelet on Erin's wrist. It had a few simple charms dangling from it that he and Evie had picked out, all of which represented meaningful moments and jokes in their relationship – like the little flask, reminding Erin of her last day in Intelligence before she left to work for the task force. The hug she and Jay had shared, the 'I'm gonna miss you' he had whispered in her ear, and the silent recognition that her departure from their unit was the beginning of bigger things for them to explore in their future together.

It had been a beautiful gift. But it was not the one that Jay was most nervous about giving Erin.

"You know, I think you may have missed a gift, babe."

Erin frowned, sitting up confused "What? I can't see anything."

"Hmm, maybe you're not looking hard enough."

Jay let out a laugh at the sceptical look she gave him, crouching down so her face was pressed flat against the floorboards to look under the short tree.

"What the," She stopped short and reached out to grab the little scrolled up paper that was stuck to the bottom the tree trunk "Jay, what is this?"

"Why don't you open it and find out?"

Jay waited with bated breath as she slowly pulled the ribbon and unravelled the little scroll. Erin's eyes widened and she feels all the air leave her lungs when she sees the adoption papers that she'd given him nearly three months ago.

"I don't understand."

It's all she can think to say because truly, she doesn't. They had already agreed to begin the process in the next few months. So why was he gifting her the papers that she had originally given him?

"Look at the last page." Jay instructs.

Erin flips through the papers, seeing his details filled out in various places across the document. She knows what she's about to find and yet she's still unprepared for the moment her eyes land on his messy signature in the box on the final page. Where all the information is laid out in black and white, asking if the person signing this paperwork is ready to commit to the responsibility of raising a child and all that comes with it. Erin can't imagine a time when a piece of paper has ever meant so much to her before, but this was without a doubt the most important thing she has ever owned.

"I wanted you to know; I'm ready. This is what I want for us, for Evie, for our future together. I want to be her Dad, and it took me a while, but I finally saw that I really can be that for her. And I wanted to find a way to show you that I want this; it's not me giving in because we made an agreement. I genuinely, wholeheartedly want the three of us to be a family. If that's still what you want."

Tears prick her eyes and Erin springs up off the floor and rushes over to her fiancée, sitting astride him and wrapping her arms around his shoulders as Jay embraces her on their couch.

"Of course, it's still what I want. I want us to be a family, officially."

"Well as soon as you sign those papers and submit them, we'll be on our way."

"Jay," Erin pauses pulling back to look in his eyes "This is worth more to me than anything. Thank you."

"I love you, and I love Evie. I'm sorry it took me so long to realise that. I was scared, I'm still scared, but I want this so much."

Erin cries into Jay's shoulder. Relief hits her like a ton of bricks, because as much as Jay has kept telling her that he just 'needs time to come to terms with everything' there was a small voice in the back of her head that kept telling her he was getting ready to run – that this was all too much for him and that he didn't want any of it – or her – anymore.

"I love you. So, so, much." Erin says softly.

Jay smiles and holds Erin tighter "I love you more. Merry Christmas Er."

2023 (two weeks after)

"I tried to talk to her yesterday when she was at the district, but she won't budge. She keeps saying it's fine, and I can practically see her mind going blank when I try and explain it to her; she doesn't believe what anyone's trying to tell her about you." Kim tells them.

"Maybe she just needs some time." Adam suggests "She's welcome to stay here for a few nights, you know that."

Kim shakes her head, disagreeing with her husband "No. If we indulge her behaviour, she's just going to keep acting out. She's testing the boundaries because she's scared. The structure and routine she's had with you two for as long as she's known you is suddenly disappearing. She doesn't do well with loss, even if it's just one that she's perceiving in her own mind."

"So, what the hell are we supposed to do then?" Jay is at a loss at this point. It's barely been five days and he missed his sweet, kind-hearted, respectful daughter. God help him when she really hit her teenage mood-swing years.

"Why don't you try to approach her one-on-one? Maybe if she's only got to talk to one of you, or someone else entirely, it'll seem less confrontational to her. She won't feel like everything she's saying is under scrutiny, and maybe she'll be willing to open up."

"She's working hard to avoid having to speak to either one of us right now, together or separately." Jay sighs "Maybe … I could take her with me to see my Dad tomorrow?"

"That's not a bad idea, actually. She's always had a soft spot for him." Kim smiles.

"What do you think?" Jay turns his attention to his wife "Do you want to try talking to her first?"

Erin refuses "She's blocking me out. As much as I hate not knowing what's going on with her, maybe if she talks to someone that isn't directly involved in all of this; she might be more willing to talk."

Kim smiles sadly, leaning over and squeezing Erin's hand "It's hard for her. You'll get her through this, she just needs some time to soak everything in. You're going to be okay. All of you."

"I hope so."

…

Evie had been quiet for the entire night, offering no contribution to the conversations going on at the dinner table or on the drive home when Andrew asked his parents question after question of things that had triggered his interest throughout the day. Evie simply stared out the window and watched the night sky rush past them on the short drive back to their house.

While Jay set up his bed on the couch once again, Erin went to check on their daughter. It broke her heart to see the young girl struggling, to see her shutting the world out. It was a trait so reminiscent to Erin; of when she was that same age, pushing everyone away because it was easier to deal with things on her own than to put her faith and trust in someone else.

"Is he sleeping downstairs again?" Evie asks when she hears her mum walk in.

She has her back facing Erin, curled up in a ball holding her knees to her chest atop the covers of her bed. It reminds Erin of when Evie first came to stay with her, when she would wake up missing her birth parents and feeling so sad and alone in the darkness and immensity of their guest bedroom. Erin approached slowly and sat down behind Evie, rubbing her daughters back gently.

"Yeah, he is." she answers. They're way past the point of trying to conceal everything from their daughter anymore.

"Look, Ev. I know it doesn't make sense, but this is a good thing for us to be doing. Your Dad … he's hurting right now, because of something that happened a while ago. But we never discussed it, and now that we are it's bringing up a lot of not-so-good memories for the both of us. Giving each other space is just something we need to do, so that we don't get into an argument or say something we don't mean. It lets us clear our heads – kinda like you do when you ask us if you can go to the park to read. It helps you work out the thoughts in your head, right?"

She sees Evie nod "See? It's just like that. We're just working through what we need to work through."

"Yeah."

"Ev, please." Erin sighs

"… I'm tired, mum. I just want to go to sleep."

Realising that she's not getting through this wall tonight, Erin gets off the bed and leans over to kiss the top of Evie's head. She places the light throw blanket from the edge of the bed over her small figure.

"Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you."

"Goodnight."

The five days since their last therapy session have been daunting. The three days since Evie had seen Jay on the couch have been even more unbearable. They were supposed to have another session the next day, but neither Jay nor Erin was feeling like going back right now. With everything that's been going on, they've really not had any time to process what was discussed in the last session; the thought of going back for another round felt harrowing.

"You look like shit." Laura says as she places a cup of coffee on Erin's desk.

"You say the sweetest things to me." Erin deadpans reaching for the takeaway cup and gratefully drinking.

Sleep had evaded her for the past week. First, her mind couldn't stop wandering to the past trying to pinpoint the exact moment she lost Jay's trust. Had it been a series of moments? A single, defining action? Was it something she had said, or a disagreement they had?

And if she wasn't worrying about Jay, she was worrying about Evie. How her eldest was handling all the information that had been thrown at her so hard and fast; if this emotional turmoil her daughter seemed to be struggling through was all their doing or if there was something else hiding under the surface. She hoped that they could resolve things. Erin missed Everly dearly. It felt like, in the last few days, her own child had become a complete stranger to her. Evie was so distant, withdrawn, felt so far away from her even though she was standing right in front of her. Erin didn't know how to fix that.

"Just telling you how it is, babe." Laura sat down on the edge of Erin's desk "Things still rough at home?"

"That's one word for it." Erin sipped her coffee.

Laura turned her head to look at the table just behind Erin "Well, at least he looks to be enjoying himself."

Erin smiled as she watched Andrew. He had been so excited to get to go to work with his mum because he loved that he got his own special little desk to use his workbooks on. He was currently working through the handwriting book that Erin had bought him a few months ago, in preparation for when he started school next year.

"Nice to know at least one of my kids still like me."

Laura gave her friend a disapproving glare "Don't start with that. You know Everly loves you both."

"I do," Erin sighs "I just miss talking with her. You know, Friday nights once I put Drew down and Jay's still at work; she and I just sit on the couch or her bed and she tells me all about her week; school, her friends, boys … I miss it. I miss her."

"She's scared, and whether you like it or not you've got to give her some time to be scared. Let her see for herself you guys aren't going anywhere, and she'll come back to you."

"Yeah, I guess. I just hope it's sooner rather than later." Laura squeezed Erin's hand as the two friends sat in silence.

"Mama?" Andrew piped up from his chair "I'm hungry."

Before Erin could get up to grab the lunch she had packed for her little boy form the break room fridge – or even reply to her son – her partner jumped in.

"Me too! Let's hit the diner. What do you say Ands, you wanna get a burger or nuggets?"

"Can we get mac?" Andrew asked excitedly, running up to his mother and Laura.

Erin chuckled, taking her son's hand as they walked out of the offices "I don't know if they have mac n cheese, but we can ask."

"I love mac n chee." Andrew informed Laura, his difficulty to pronounce 's' sounds seemingly so cute to the older woman.

"So does Pheobe, although not as much as you. At least from what your mama says."

Erin shook her head "He's got his father's appetite. I'll be making mac n cheese until I'm old and grey, knowing those two."

…

"Mama, my mouth funny."

The sound of Andrew's voice has Erin on high alert. They had gone to lunch two hours ago, and for the last hour-and-a-half her son hadn't been acting the same. He suddenly seemed lethargic, unlike the little boy that had been running around the office this morning and excitedly rushing up to his mother to show her every page of his workbook as he finished it.

"Oh, my sweet boy, what's the matter?" Erin asked softly, picking Drew up and letting him cuddle on her lap.

Andrew had always been a cuddly boy, though not as dependant on touch as Everly had been. he loved to snuggle at night and first thing in the morning before he was fully alert. He was like any other child when he was sick, needing the warmth of his parents and the safety he felt their arms. But her son was not the type of child that would just come up to her and want to be seated in her lap and held tight, which made her worry all the more.

"My tongue." Andrew answered and let his tongue hang out of his mouth.

Erin frowned as she saw the redness, not just on his tongue but around his mouth too. His lips look a little bit swollen. She swivels in her chair and with one hand holding tight to Drew, she frantically searches her desk drawer.

"You alright?" Max, one of the other people working in their office, asks her.

"Yeah, I just- got it!" Erin exclaims when she finds the packet of Cetirizine.

Quickly popping one of the tablets out of its foil packaging, she places it in Andrew's mouth and gives him a few sips of her water bottle.

"I need you to swallow that for me, Drew. It's going to help you feel better." Erin stands and places Drew back on her desk chair "I'll be right back baby, I got to ask Laura something real quick. Okay?"

"Okay." Andrew sighs tiredly, leaning his head back against the soft chair.

Erin feels the tension rising in her body as she watches her son. She quickly moves over to Laura in the break room where she's refilling her coffee.

"Hey," Erin snaps, getting her partner's attention "I need you to call that diner and ask them what they put in Drew's food."

"What's going on?" Laura asks, already pulling out her phone and looking up the number for the diner.

"He said his tongue feels funny, and his mouth is getting red. I think he's having a reaction to something."

"Does he have any allergies?"

"Not that I know of, but –"

"Halstead!" Erin snaps to attention, turning her head to see Max kneeling down next to Drew. She rushes back over, Laura following behind.

"What happened!?"

"He just started gagging, I think he's gonna be sick." Max shrugs, rubbing Andrew's back as she holds the trashcan under the boy's mouth.

"Forget this, I'm taking him to the hospital." Erin said. Just as she lifts him into her arms, Andrew throws up all over Erin "Shit!"

"I'm sorry, mama." Andrew cries, his words garbled by his now fully-swollen lips.

"It's okay, Drew-Bear, it's not your fault. We're gonna go to the hospital, okay, Uncle Will or Aunty Nat are gonna help you feel better. I promise." Erin throws her keys to Laura and they both run out of the office, Erin shouting a quick thanks to Max as they go.

"Gaffney's a fifteen minute drive, maybe ten if traffic's decent. Are we better off calling an ambulance?"

"Flick that little switch under my sunroof button." Erin tells her as she buckles herself in, keeping Andrew on her lap as he keeps gagging; his body trying to expel whatever is making him so ill.

Laura gives Erin a look when sirens start flasing from the top of the car. Erin shrugs as Laura speeds out of the parking lot and onto the road "Benefits of having a husband who runs an elite unit. I'm not taking my chances waiting for an ambulance Laura."

Andrew starts wheezing, tears falling down his face. Erin grabs tissues from and wets them down, wiping the vomit off his face and trying to clean out his mouth as best she can in the hopes that nothing's obstructing his airway.

"Nat's going to be waiting in the emergency bay, Will said he's coming in too." Laura informs her.

Erin reaches for her phone frantically trying to call Jay. She doesn't want to risk scaring their daughter more – given how worried she is about losing the people she loves the most – but she needs her husband, and Andrew needs his father. She's freaking out, fearful for her son's health and the way his skin keeps getting paler and his little lungs seem to struggle to get air in.

"We're almost there, buddy."

"I … hurt, mama." Andrew sniffles between each heavy breath he takes, and Erin's heart breaks for her little boy.

"I know, I know it does. I'm sorry, Drew-Bear. I promise, we're gonna make you feel better real soon."

"I-I want Daddy, Evie. Please" Andrew cries.

"I know, baby. I know." Erin whispers, kissing the top of his head as the phone stops ringing

"Halstead."

The sound of his voice breaks her. She can hear it in his, that he knows something's wrong. And all she wants is for him to be holding her right now, to be by her side because their son looks like he's fading away in her arms and she doesn't feel strong enough to hold them both up right now.

"Jay."

"Erin? What's wrong?"

"We're on our way to the hospital and I just- I can't … Please, I need you." Erin cries "Something's wrong with Andrew. Laura's driving us to the hospital right now, she called Will and Nat. But I need you. We need you."

"Erin, I know it's hard but you gotta stay calm baby. Just take a few breaths, tell me what happened."

"He I gave him the antihistamines, but he started throwing up. His lips have started swelling and he's having trouble breathing and– and I haven't seen him like this ever before … I'm scared, Jay. I'm really scared."

Jay's running to his Dad and Evie. He knows he must look like a mess, a lunatic right now running frantically over to two people sitting so peacefully in the park with smiles on their faces – unaware that his world feels like it's falling down around him.

"Erin, you just focus on getting him to the hospital okay. I'll meet you there as soon as I can. It's gonna be okay."

"Yeah, okay." She whispers back, trying to stay calm.

"Erin?" Jay stops for a second, focusing on his wife "You got this. I know you do. I love you. You can do this, you can be strong for him, I know you can."

"Okay. Okay." Erin takes a few breaths "We're just around the corner, I'll call you when I find out something." He hangs up, knowing that she's too focused on their son to do it herself. Jay quickly texts his brother as he continues towards Pat and Evie.

When he makes eye contact with his daughter, her smile drops. The look on his daughter's hurts his heart; she can already tell that whatever he's about to say, it's not going to be good. She's seen that look on a person's face too many times already in her short life.

"What's wrong?" She asks, Pat turning in confusion to see his son standing behind them trying to catch his breath.

"I, uh … I need you to watch Evie for the night." Jay says, trying to regain his composure.

"Yeah, of course, but –"

"No, no way." Evie jumps in "I'm coming with you."

"Ev …"

"No! Something's wrong, and you're not telling me."

Jay sighs. He needs to go. To be there for Erin and for Andrew, but his daughter needs him now too.

"Okay, look. Your mum's taking Drew to the hospital–"

"I'm coming with you." Evie says, grabbing her book and pulling the picnic blanket out from under her grandfather before either man can react.

"Ev, it's better if you stay with Grandpa. I'll come and get you once I know what's going on."

"Dad, no! You can't just leave me here and expect me to wait around patiently."

"You two go, I'll meet you there. We'll wait until we know what's going on, and then I'll take Evie home for the night if we need to." Pat steps in, knowing neither of them will completely win this argument. They're both as stubborn as one another.

"Alright. Thanks." Jay says and takes Evie's shaking hand, practically pulling her along as they both race over to the car.

The sirens of his car fill the silence between them. Jay stays focused on the road, glancing over at Evie occasionally. She's staring straight ahead, knuckles white from how hard she's gripping the book in her hands. It's one that Andrew had given to her for her birthday two years ago, and Jay can see in her eyes that she's probably playing that day on a loop in her head right now as they wait until they finally reach the hospital.

"I'm scared, Dad." Evie says suddenly.

Jay pulls into the emergency parking, taking a moment to stop and look at his daughter. As panicked as he is right now, he needs to be there for her. She's his kid too and he loves her, and he knows she's just as worried about her brother as he is.

"I know you are. I am too, but Drew's with your mum – I trust her with the two of you more than I trust myself. She's got him."

Evie nods and Jay wipes the tears falling from her eyes. They get out of the car and he takes her hand again, heading into the ED where his brother is waiting.

"Will, where are they?"

"Nat's got them up in the paediatric ward. We think it was an allergic reaction, Laura said she called the diner to double check what was in the food, and she's calling everyone they work with to make sure no one gave him some lollies or something without Erin realising." Will explains.

"Okay." Jay takes a breath "Dad's coming too, he shouldn't be far behind us. Can you keep her with you?"

Everly opens her mouth to speak, to fight her Dad on what he's doing but Jay stops her, kneeling down so they're eye-level.

"I know you're scared, Ev, but I need you to stay here with Uncle Will until I know what's going on."

"I want to stay with you, Dad." Evie cries and holds onto Jay's hand tightly.

Her words trigger a memory in him, jolting him back to the last time they faced a life or death situation with Erin and Drew, only the situation was reversed.

"Ev, I need you to hold him tight, Will's coming. Wait in the kitchen, okay?"

Tears stream down Evie's face as she watches Jay start to press his hands against Erin's stomach. There's so much blood. Her eyes are still open. Erin looks worse than her father did, Evie thinks.

"Everly, listen to me." Jay's voice cuts through the noise in her head, "I know it's scary, but I need you to be strong for your brother right now. Just wait in the kitchen with him and wait for Will to get here."

"I-I want to stay with you. Please."

"Ev, please. You don't need to see this."

"Dad…"

Jay shakes his head, focusing back on the present. This isn't like the last time.

"Ev, please. I know it's scary. And I know you want to be here for your brother, but I need to know you're safe. And I can't focus on Andrew if I'm worried about you sitting outside the hospital room on your own. I promise, I'll be back soon, and I'll bring you to see him. Just let me find out what's going on first."

Evie hesitates, eyes flitting between her Dad and her uncle.

"Promise you're coming back?"

"I promise." Jay says, kissing the top of her head "It's gonna be okay."

Jay looks to his brother, nodding his thanks before leaving his daughter and going to find his wife and son.

Erin stands in the hallway of the PICU ward, pacing back and forth as the doctors work on Andrew. No one will give her any answers, tell her what's going on, how her son is, what the hell happened to him … nothing.

She can feel herself crumbling. She was barely holding it together before, but the longer time whittles away the more her strength dissolves. This can't be happening right now. She fought so hard to make sure Andrew made it into this world safely. She's not about to lose him now.

The ding of the elevator catches her attention. Will said he would bring Jay up as soon as he reached the hospital. And when her eyes meet her husband's she finally breaks.

Jay runs over to her in an instant, pulling Erin into his arms as she sobs against his shoulder.

"I'm here, Erin. It's alright. It's gonna be okay." Jay tries to reassure her, but she can hear how worried he is. How much he's struggling to believe his own words.

"Do you know what happened?"

"They won't tell me anything. Nat's in there with him." Erin pulls back to look up at Jay "I'm really glad you're here. I don't think I would've held on much longer."

"You said you and Drew needed me. of course, I came." Jay shrugs, a small smile on his lips despite the sting in his heart at the realisation that maybe he's been so absent in recent years that Erin doubted if he would come when she asked him to.

"We do need you. I do." Erin presses, hugging Jay tighter to him "Is Evie okay?"

Jay nods "Will's taking care of her. My Dad's on his way too, in case we have to stay the night."

"She must be so scared, especially given the last time…"

"This isn't like last time. Of course, she's scared; but I didn't want her waiting outside alone either. It's better if Will's there with her."

"Erin? Jay?" Natalie's voice interrupts and they both turn to face her.

Jay wastes no time before he asks, "Is he okay?"

"He's going to be just fine."

They both sigh, relief flooding them in an instant.

"So, it was definitely an allergic reaction. They administered Epinephrine, and Dr James is running an IgE blood test to see what could've caused his allergic reaction in the first place."

"We didn't even know he was allergic to anything. I mean, he's never had any reaction before." Erin replies.

"Well, if kids come into a trace amount of something that they're allergic to, their body doesn't usually react quite so viscerally. Some children have no reaction at all, or it's something small like an upset stomach. It can sometimes go unnoticed until they consume a larger quantity of it, or it might just be diagnosed as an intolerance instead of a full-blown allergy."

"But that's what it is? An allergy?" Jay confirms.

Natalie nods "Andrew's reaction is what we call an anaphylactic reaction. It's the most severe type for allergy sufferers. So, we'll need to get you guys set up with an Anaphylaxis Emergency Plan – you'll have to give a copy of that to his preschool, and your offices will both have to keep one since I know he's there a lot with you two. Doctor James has also ordered a few EpiPen's, and he'll sit down with you to discuss prevention and management as well as any questions you have, once the test results come back in."

"Okay," Erin breathes out, trying to process everything her sister-in-law has thrown at her "Can we see him?"

"Of course. Since he didn't go into severe anaphylactic shock, if he's doing well enough after a couple of hours, you can take him home tonight." Natalie smiles.

"Thank you, Nat." Erin says "Would you, uh, mind getting Evie for us? Jay said she's with Will somewhere.

Natalie nods and leads them into the room that Andrew's been set up in, before heading out to get their daughter. Erin and Jay both move to the side of the bed, holding his hand and hugging him fiercely.

"Hi, Drew-Bear." Erin says softly brushing her fingers through his hair.

Andrew frowns at his mother, looking her up and down "I sorry I did that to your shirt, mama."

Erin chuckles, tears filling her eyes at his sweet nature "It's okay baby, I know it was an accident. I didn't like that shirt so much anyways."

Jay only now realises that Erin's in the thin singlet that is normally under her blouse, instead of the satin white button-up she left in this morning. He takes off his jacket when he notices the goosebumps over her arms and places it around her shoulders.

Erin smiles gratefully, "Thank you."

"Of course. Jay turns his attention to Andrew, his hands still on Erin's shoulders "You feelin' better, little man?"

Andrew nods his head tiredly "My tongue's not hurting."

"That's good. Aunty Nat said the medicine they gave you helped."

"Mhmm. I gotta stay?"

"We'll find out soon." Erin tells him, forcing a wide smile onto her face "But if not, then we all get to have a sleepover here!"

"I wanna sleepover at home." Andrew whined.

"Come on, Drewy; it won't be that bad." Erin and Jay both turned at the sound of their daughter's voice. Evie stood in the doorway with Nat and Will.

"Effie." Andrew smiles tiredly, his little voice mustering up as much excitement as it could.

"Hi bud," Evie walks over to his other side and carefully lays down beside him "You scared me. A lot."

" 'm sorry." Andrew mumbles into her chest.

"It's okay." Evie whispers, cuddling up to her brother further "You're gonna be okay. Right?"

Jay nods his head when she looks up at them, Erin adding "Yeah, Ev. He's going to be just fine."

"Good. That's good." Evie says, watching Drew intently as he falls asleep in her grasp "When Dad said you were going to the hospital…"

"Hey, it's not like that." Jay urges.

Erin leans over and places her hand on Everly's arm "I know, sweetie. I'm sorry to scare you like that, but we're okay. Andrew's okay."

"I'm sorry I've been so angry."

"Oh, honey. You have nothing to apologise for." Erin says shaking her head "This has- it's been such a hard time. We love you and Andrew so much, and your Dad and I have been trying to keep you both protected from everything. But sometimes …"

Erin's voice trails off, unsure of how to explain, and Jay take the opportunity to step in and help her.
"But sometimes, even when we try our hardest; we can't always protect you guys from every bit of pain. No matter how much we may want to. So, we're gonna do our best to tell you what's going on – what you need to know, and you're just gonna have to trust that we're doing everything we need to be doing. Okay?"

"I'll try, I promise." Evie nods.

Jay smiles, looking from his daughter to Erin as she says, "So will we."

"Alright kiddos, off to bed we go."

Jay walked through the front door of their house, Andrew fading fast with his head resting on his Dad's shoulder. It was nearly 11pm when they had been discharged from the hospital, and the minutes were quickly ticking by into a new day.

"I sleepover, Daddy?"

Jay sees Erin's hesitation as she walks over to him and leans into Drew "I think we can save the sleepover for another day, Bear. It's been a pretty big day already."

"Please mama." Andrew whimpers against Jay's shoulder "I don't wanna go to my bed."

"It's okay, buddy. We're all gonna camp out in mummy and daddy's room, sound good?"

The look on Erin's face tells him how surprised she is, given that he's chosen to sleep on their couch for nearly the last week. Truthfully, if they hadn't gone through the scare they had today, he might still be sleeping on that couch tonight. But receiving that phone call from Erin had shaken him to his core. Left him with an urgent, undeniable need to have his family close. To keep the people that he loves safe and within his reach. And Erin was top of that list, as well as his children.

Jay walks silently to their bedroom; Erin going to Andrew's room to grab his pyjamas and then say goodnight to Evie. Jay works on getting their little boy out of the clothes he's wearing, his tired state making it a more difficult task than usual. Erin comes back in and leave the clothes on the bed next to Jay and goes to their closet to get herself ready for bed.

She's not sure why she's so nervous. Jay lying next to her in bed again is all she's been thinking about for the last five days while she lay there on her own. It should be a good thing, that he's choosing to be here again. And a part of Erin wants to believe this is a sign that their relationship is taking a turn for the better. But they also haven't spoken about their future, or their feelings, properly in this time either and she's so unsure of where they stand given everything that Jay said to her in their last session. But right now, isn't about them; it's about their son who wants both his mum and dad, and after the day her little one has had she'd go to the end of the earth to make sure he felt safe.

When Erin walks back in, Jay's lying on his right side and Andrew is lying in the middle of their bed, tucked into his Dad's side as he tries to fight sleep.

"Look, Drew. Mama's here now."

Andrew's eyes stretch open as far as he can manage, and he smiles when he sees his mum walking towards them. Erin crawls under the covers and pulls Drew's small body into hers, holding him tight as Jay puts his arm over his son too. The three of them lay in silence, Andrew finally giving into the exhaustion of the day and letting his body get the rest it's so desperately craving while his parents stand guard over him. They don't say a word and watch their son sleep peacefully until the shuffling of feet turn their attention to their daughter in the doorway of their room.

"Can I …"

Erin nods and Jay scoots back so Evie can lie between him and Drew. He pulls the blanket back with Erin's help and lets her lie down before covering them both up again and placing his arm back around her and Drew. Evie reaches her arm over Drew and Erin as well, smiling when her mum reaches out to hold her as well.

They're a mess of tangled limbs and sleepy smiles, but it was exactly what they needed after the day they had.

Jay watches Erin as she watches their children. Today had been so hard, not just because he thought he might lose his son, but because it reminded him of how he almost lost his wife once before. But he wasn't as scared today as he was then. He had told Evie that he trusted Erin with their lives more than he trusted himself. And he's beginning to realise that the words he said to her in therapy were maybe true. But that what he had told her a few days ago was also still true.

As Jay watched Erin comfort a sleepy Evie and Andrew, he realised that he did trust Erin. He trusted her with Evie and Andrew, to protect them and be strong and to be there for them when he couldn't be. He trusted her to have his back in his line of work, because even after she had left the Intelligence Unit Erin was still protecting and defending him; the night of their fight had been ringing proof of that. Jay trusted Erin in all the ways that mattered. Except for when it came to trusting her with his heart.

Erin's arm lays extended out to Jay on their pillows; he thinks fondly of all the times that she's nearly whacked him in the face when they've laid down with one of their kids between them because her arm's gotten stuck under someone and lost its blood circulation, and she hates 'pins and needles' more than anything. Jay reaches out his arm and holds her, his thumb grazing his initial that's marked on her skin. Forever. Erin looks up at Jay surprised, but gives him a small, tired smile and reciprocates the action, seeking out the matching tile he has on his arm. His touch feels comforting. Grounding after the last few days of separation between them. It calms her enough that Erin thinks she might finally get a good night's rest, cuddled up with her family.

"Hey, Erin?" He asks softly.

"Yeah, Jay."

"I don't want to give up on us."

A/N: Thanks for all your reviews! This chapter's poem is by - for some reason the doc won't save the name after the poem when I type it :/

There will be a slight time jump in the next chapter which I'm so excited to show you all because we're finally going to get into Erin and Jay making even more progress in their sessions and doing the work to improve their communication and intimacy – which has a few more cute family moments because I just couldn't resist!

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I was a bit worried about posting it for some reason and spent pretty much all of yesterday over-analysing and trying to improve the chapter until I realised that I was just making it worse lol

Your feedback helps so much and motivates me to write and update even quicker, so please leave a review and let me know what you thought!

Until next time :)