Chapter 16: Offer You A Warm Embrace

"I could hold you for a million years

to make you feel my love"

January 2019

Jay and Erin were buzzing with excitement. After dropping Evie off with her grandmother, they had made their way to the lawyer's office to discuss moving forward with the adoption process. Apparently, since Evie's grandmother – and only living relative – was on board and willing to sign approval papers, adopting Evie would be much smoother and easier compared to the traditional process. The process was usually a six to eighteen month timeline, but their lawyer was confident it would be closer to the latter.

They had agreed to wait until their meeting today to sit Evie down and tell her they wanted to adopt her. Though they were sure she would be happy, Erin knew that Evie needed a lot of reassurance that she wasn't going anywhere. Their first few months together, before Jay returned, had been riddled with anxiety for the little girl; she feared that she would have the rug pulled out from under her and that DCFS would come knocking on Erin's door and drag her out of the safety and comfort of their apartment. So, Jay had suggested that they waited until they met with the lawyer and officially signed and submitted paperwork for their petition to adopt. Hopefully the paper trail would reassure Evie that it was real.

"Should we get a cake or something? Oh, maybe we can take her out to dinner?" Jay suggested, "She loved the burgers at Kuma's – we could grab some and do a picnic in the park."

"Hmm I don't know. All those people? It might be a bit overwhelming for her, regardless of how she feels about the news."

"Fair enough. Maybe we should just tell her here, and then we can go out to celebrate after?"

"I like that idea." Erin smiles, wrapping her arms around Jay's neck as he pulls her into him "We're really doing this, huh?"

Jay grins "No turning back now."

"Never." Erin gives him a quick kiss "You know, there is something else we should discuss. Something that we've been putting off for a long time."

Jay frowns at the seriousness of her tone, nerves setting in "What is it?"

"Now that we're raising a child together, I think it's time you finally made an honest woman out me Halsted." Erin smirks.

Jay's shoulders sag and Erin giggles at the visible relief that washes over him. It was just too easy to tease him sometimes.

"Baby, whenever you're ready I'm here. Just tell me when and where."

"I was thinking June. We could have an outdoor wedding; the weather will still be good for it."

"Ooh, maybe we can have everyone up at the cabin? We can get married on the lake."

Erin's smile widens "I love that idea."

Jay kisses her face repeatedly, making Erin laugh softly before he asks "Is June too soon though? Six months isn't a lot of time. I mean, I don't need a big fancy wedding but if that's what you want–"

"No. I don't need a big, expensive affair. I'd rather spend that kind of money on something more meaningful. permanent. Like a home for the three of us."

"I'd like that." Jay agrees.

"All I need for our wedding are the people we love the most in this world, our daughter and you."

Jay smiles at that "Our daughter – I love that. I love you."

"I love you, and our little family, too." Erin says kissing him once more.

…

Evie was silent, staring at the papers in shock. Jay and Erin had sat her down once they got home and told her the news; that they loved her, and wanting her to be a part of their family, and that if she was open to it they would like to adopt her as their daughter.

"Ev? How are you feeling?" Jay asks softly.

"I don't- I don't understand." Evie looks up tearfully "You want me?"

Erin nods, taking Evie's hand in hers "We do, sweetheart. If that's something you want."

"I do," Evie nods vigorously "But…"

Jay frowns "What is it Evie? You can tell us anything, you know that."

"I feel bad – like … like my first mummy and daddy would be mad at me for being someone else's daughter."

Erin pulls Evie onto her lap, the little girl seemingly smaller than eight years old in her vulnerable state "Ev, we would never make you act like your parents didn't exist. I know they loved you, so much, and we would never want to replace them. We just want to be your parents, too. And that doesn't mean you have to call us mum and dad if you're not comfortable with it – we can still be a family."

"Really?" Evie looks between the adults hopefully.

"Of course." Jay reassures her "It doesn't change how we feel about you. How much we want you to be in our lives."

"I want to stay here, too. I feel safe here." Evie says softly.

Jay pulls his girls into his arms, hugging them both tightly as Everly's head rests on his chest and Erin rests in the crook of his shoulder "You'll always be safe here with us. Forever."

"I'd like that. I want to be a family."

Those six words made Jay and Erin's heart swell infinitely. This felt right. This was their forever.

February 2019

The euphoria would start to fade three weeks later when they were all hit with a nasty stomach bug. Evie had picked it up from school and passed it around to Jay and Erin, who in turn passed it onto some of their co-workers. Members of the Intelligence Unit were in and out of office for ten days because of it and their workflow had been seriously disrupted. They weren't angry though, despite Jay and Erin's guilt over the situation; their friends had laughed with them once they had recovered and promised that it was only the beginning of what they could expect from life with children.

Erin, however, was the only one not recovering. While Evie and their team had all bounced back within a week, Erin was bordering on sixteen days of sickness. Will had assured his brother that sometimes it took people longer to kick a bug if their immune system was on the weaker side, which he knew Erin's was. Hank had dealt with a sick Erin many times in her childhood, and it was no different in her late thirties; Jay had lost track of how many times his partner would fall sick especially when the weather changed as Winter approached.

"Are you feeling any better?" Jay asked.

Erin nods into the phone "I had some of the bone broth Kim made. Burned my chest like nobody's business, but I managed to keep it down."

"That's something. I was one thrown-up dinner away from calling Will to hook you up to an IV."

"Oh gosh." Erin rolled her eyes at his dramatics "Well, I'm feeling better today so, you can hold off on that for right now."

Jay smiles "Okay, well I'm on my way home now. Is Ev already asleep?"

"Yeah. She passed out pretty quickly after dinner; her body probably needs the rest after the last week."

"I'm sorry." Jay sighs.

"Babe, it's fine. You have to work; Hank needs you there and I can manage here."

"You're supposed to be resting, getting better."

"Looking after our kid isn't going to overwork me, Jay. Ev's an easy child; she was perfectly content with ordering takeout and watching tv in bed."

"Still, I'm supposed to be your partner. I just feel like I left you alone."

"It's bound to happen sometimes. We can't be there for each other 24/7."

"Says you." Jay snorts.

"Trust me, I have a feeling I'm turning the corner already." Erin shakes her head looking down at the test in her hand.

"I hope so. I'll be home soon okay? I love you."

"Love you too. Drive safe."

Erin stared at the pregnancy test in her hands. Two minutes. two minutes before that test said 'pregnant' and changed their lives forever, or 'not pregnant' and opened a door in her mind that she wasn't sure she was ready to walk through.

She and Jay had discussed kids. In the abstract, sometime in the future, type of way. But as she took the test and stood, staring at the little screen as it determined her fate; Erin felt more scared than she had ever been in her life. Motherhood was a whole new journey, one she was still fairly new to, but it was different with Everly; she was a grown child who could clearly communicate her feelings, wants and needs. At least, better than a crying newborn could. What if she sucked at this?

Erin sets the test down on the edge of the bathroom sink and walks from their shared bathroom into her and Jay's bedroom. The back of her legs hit the bed frame and she let herself fall back, bouncing down onto the mattress while she stared at the ceiling.

Could she do this? Were they ready to do this? They had just taken on one child, and now they were potentially jumping to a two-children household? It was all happening so fast, and Erin wanted more than anything to just lay in Jay's arms and let him reassure her that it was all going to be okay.

Erin wanted to have more kids with Jay. She knew that. And if the test said she was pregnant, she would be happy about it. But it was all just so overwhelming. Their lives were changing so quickly, and while it was all good changes, it didn't make her feel any more prepared for them.

She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she didn't hear his key in the lock, nor the door opening and her fiancée softly calling out her name. Jay tiptoed through the apartment, assuming Erin must have fallen asleep. She had been exhausted lately. This stomach bug seemed to have completely ravaged her body and despite reassuring him that she was doing better, Jay could still hear in her voice that something wasn't quite right.

Turning off the lights as he went, Jay made his way into the bathroom and quickly stripped out of his clothes and showered. The hot water assaulting his skin felt good. He had been so tired this week, his body was riddled with anxiety and he felt it in every tense muscle. Hank had spontaneously decided that he would partner up with Jay this week, since Erin was out sick, and the rest of their team was in and out with this bug too. He hadn't thought much of it at first, but his Sergeant's behaviour had put him on edge. He felt like he was being observed; like every action he took and decision he made was being analysed and graded by his superior.

Jay turns off the water, standing and taking a breath to try and collect his thoughts. He would deal with Hank later. Right now, his focus needed to be on his girls – specifically the one that was still sick in bed. Because if Erin didn't take a turn for the better tonight, Jay was taking her to the hospital even if he had to drag her there himself. He steps out of the shower and grabs a towel, drying himself off as he walks to the vanity. He wipes down the mirror, wraps the towel around his waist and reaches for his toothbrush, dropping it in the sink when he sees what's leaning on the edge.

"No way…" Jay whispers, reaching for the pregnancy test.

His eyes widen when he sees the little screen and he walks, completely numb and in shock, until he's standing in the doorway of their bedroom and looking at his fiancée lying on their bed.

"Erin." he says tearfully.

Erin shoots up from the bed, startled from her panicked thoughts and see Jays holding up the pregnancy test – the words 'pregnant' lit up clear as day.

A smile emerges on his face and she can't help but mirror it. Erin rushes into his arms, Jay scooping her up and twirling her around awe-struck as he asks, despite knowing the answer.

"We're having another kid?"

2023 (six weeks after)

The month following Andrew's scare had been relatively quiet for the Halstead family. Erin and Jay had gone to therapy once in those four weeks, due to how busy their schedules had been with the added appointments with allergists and blood tests that Andrew had to undergo to test for all his resistance levels against different allergens – it had turned out to be a severe nut allergy, triggered by an accidental use of peanut oil by the chef when Erin, Laura and Andrew went for lunch.

Erin and Jay had been so focused on their kids that they hadn't had much time to focus on themselves or their marriage.

It had been two weeks since Jay had finally gotten the chance to sit down in front of Erin, with Sara, and explain to his wife what he had meant when they had spoken in therapy the last time.

"After everything, I just … I just am struggling to trust you with my heart. And I know that you're sorry, and that you regret it, and regret hurting me. And I want to believe you when you say you're not going to hurt me like that again, but it's hard." Jay explained nervously.

Erin takes Jay's hand, relieved when he doesn't pull away. She waits until he's finished – neither of them is used to this level of vulnerability, even with each other, and she doesn't want to rush or pressure him.

"But I want to try. I want us to see if we can try to move forward from all the hurt, for real."

Erin smiles "If you're willing to give me a chance, then I'm ready to fight with everything I have in me. I don't want to lose us either."

And now, almost a month later, they sat in front of Sara once more. The therapist smiles kindly, listening to Erin answer her question.

"I just feel like I don't get to see my husband anymore, and I don't just mean like physically, in-person, see him. More like; there's the Jay from work, Jay who's the best dad I've ever seen, Jay who's everyone's best friend, but my Jay just … isn't there."

"And who is your Jay?"

Erin looks at her husband uncertainly. He simply sat and watched her, a blank look on his face that gave nothing away.

"I guess, I guess I don't really know the answer to that any longer."

"Jay, would you say that you know who your Erin is anymore?"

Jay shrugs, looking to Sara "I guess not. I mean, I know who she used to be. But it feels like I don't really know this version of Erin. Not as well as I once did."

"That's good. I'm glad you can both see the disconnect there; it makes it much easier for me to give you your homework." Sara says, her tone almost cheeky.

Jay and Erin both look at their therapist nervously before Sara explains "Have you ever heard of scheduling intimacy?"

"Like, those couples that schedule sex?" Erin frowns.

"Kind of. Except with this, it's not just sex – you find a set day each week that you set aside an hour for you and your partner. You can start small, maybe a family outing somewhere, but the goal is to spend time just the two of you. So that you can reconnect with one another and get to know these new versions of your partner. The hope is that by setting a routine, you'll learn better habits for making time for one another and eventually your intimacy and communication expands that one set hour in the week that you make time for each other." Sara explains.

Jay and Erin nod along to what Sara says, taking in the information as best they can. Sara smiles and looks to the clock before addressing them again.

"We haven't got much time left, and I don't want to overwhelm you with too much all at once. So, this week, just try and find an hour to spend together – even if you end up taking the kids along, try and steal a moment for just the two of you. It's important to remember that even though you're parents, you're still two people in a romantic relationship with you own needs. We just need to make sure you both learn to re-prioritise that again. But we've made a lot of progress this last month; it's amazing to see how much you two have been working at your relationship."

If there was one thing that they had learned from their scare with Andrew, it was that they weren't fighting as hard as they could be for one another. for their family. And even if it all got shot to hell, they owed it to themselves and their kids to be able to say they did everything they could and gave it their all. Jay and Erin weren't anywhere near ready to give up the fight just yet.

"Okay, Erin went last week so Jay," Sara and Erin both turn to look at the man "What was your best week this moment?"

It was a new thing they had started doing the last few weeks. Taking turns at retelling their 'highlight' for the week – a moment with their partner that reminded them of what they loved about their spouse, or that showed them just how dedicated their partner was to fight with them for their marriage.

"uh, Andrew was having a really bad meltdown this week. And Erin sat with him on the floor of our kitchen for, like, twenty minutes. She held her hand on his heart and put his hand on hers and told him to match her breathing. And it took some time but eventually he settled, and he sat calmly with Erin and explained to her what was upsetting him so much. I don't know – she's such a great mum, and I think I've taken that for granted in recent years because I sure as hell wouldn't be able to deal with those things on a day-to-day basis as easily as she seems to. But it's one of the things I love most about her."

Jay turns to face his wife "One of the things I love most about you, Er, it that you're an incredible mother. And I'm so sorry if I don't tell you that enough."

They had decided to start tonight. 'No time like the present' Erin had joked but finding a suitable last-minute date night idea was proving to be harder than they thought. It was looking like their first 'date night' would be a night-in on the couch with takeout and their kids; until Everly had gotten home.

"Oh my gosh, there's this new trampoline park that's opened in the West Loop. A bunch of us are planning on going this weekend, am I allowed?"

Jay and Erin shared a look, both contemplating the same idea.

"Sure," Jay answered.

"And we'll do you one better," Erin smiled "Why don't the four of us go check it out tonight? That way you can tell your friends if it's worth doing or not."

Evie's eyes nearly bugged out of her head "Really?"

"Yeah, really. Come on, family fun night; what do you say?"

"We haven't had a night out, all together, in a really long time." Evie smiles.

A painful feeling resonates in Jay's chest. That much was on him – he'd been so busy with work, that he neglected to make time for his kids outside of doing his best to be home for dinner and picking them up on Friday's. He had always thought it was enough – that he was doing as much as he could – but maybe Sara was right; they needed to make more of an effort to save time for each other. And that extended to time with their kids as well.

"Well, consider this the first of many. Family fun night's making a comeback." Jay says determinedly as Erin and Evie both smile back at him.

"Maybe this wasn't the best idea." Erin says as she holds the ball in her hands.

"Oh, come on, it'll be fun." Evie says standing next to her mother.

"Fun for you, maybe. You're not the one whose more likely to break a hip or something if this goes wrong."

"Come on mama. I've seen you do it before."

"Ev…"

"Come on. Three-two-one!" Evie rushes out and promptly jumps off the ledge.

"Evie!" Erin yells in surprise, watching her daughter somersault into the ballpit below them.

Erin rolls her eyes and follows suit, tucking herself into a ball as she spins round and falls under the plastic balls.

"Ow." Erin laughs "One of those suckers got me right one the tailbone."

"That was fun, let's go again!" Evie asks once they get out of the ballpit.

"I wanna go, I wanna go!" Andrew says excitedly running up to his big sister "Take me, Eff?"

Erin nods and Evie takes Drew's hand leading him up the stairs so they can stand on the ledge together and jump into the ball pit.

"That kid's got no fear sometimes." Jay says with a shake of his head as he bounces on the trampoline behind her.

Erin smirks, joining him "She gets it from her mama."

"Really?" Jay cocks an eyebrow looking at her "Because I'm pretty sure her mama was standing up on that ledge like a damn chicken just now."

"You did not just call me a chicken, Halstead." Erin gapes.

"Oh, I think I did, Halstead." Jay grins cocky.

"Ass." Erin grumbles, whacking his arm with her hand.

"What was that?"

Erin smiles sweetly at him "Nothing, honey."

"Oh yeah?"

The look in Jay's eye makes her stomach flutter, and before she can process his movements his fingers are moving frantically over her ribs, tickling the life out of her. Erin shrieks, knees buckling and they both fall onto the trampoline. Jay's laughter joins Erin's as their bodies spring up and down, legs tangling as Jay keeps trying to tickle Erin and she keeps trying to evade him.

Somewhere between the laughter and tickle torture, the mood shifts. Jay slowly stops tickling her, his hands rest comfortably on her hips. Erin's holds his upper shoulders as they lie side-by-side.

They sit in the chaos of the park, ignoring the patrons screaming and jumping around them on the surrounding trampolines. Their eyes focused on one another's and it felt like the entire world slowed down around them. It was just them.

Jay takes in Erin's features; the glow of her skin and the shine in her eyes that he swears he hasn't truly seen in recent years. She looked happy, and honestly so was he. This is what Sara had meant about them reconnecting. They may not be the same people they were when they first fell in love, but they still knew one another deep down.

Erin holds one hand against his cheek, brushing over his browbone with her thumb. She remembers how much he loved when she did that – how much it comforted him. Jay leans in slowly, placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

It's not unusual for them to kiss. But this feels different. It's soft, sweet and fleeting. So unlike their kisses had been lately, or like they had been before. Erin smiles and pecks his lips again.

It feels a first kiss. And, they think, in some ways it truly is. One of hopefully many firsts they would get to re-experience.

A first kiss for this Jay and Erin.

A/N: A shorter chapter, but on the sweeter side before we get back into the nitty gritty. I hope you enjoyed it – back to the nitty gritty next chapter …

Please leave a review and let me know what you think!