Chapter 22: Tell Me Some Things Last

"And take my past

And take my sins

Like an empty sail takes the wind"

September 2019

"So, Adam proposed last night."

Kim's words have Erin choking on her green tea; coughing and spluttering so ungracefully that people around them in the café start staring in concern. Kim passes her a glass of water, Erin sips gratefully and politely smiles as the people looking over at them, trying to reassure them she's fine.

"Jesus Christ, Kim. What is it with you and dropping bombshells at the most inconvenient times," Erin chuckles softly, "So what did you tell him?"

"Well …"

"Oh my god, did you say no?" Erin gasps.

"What, of course not! I just didn't exactly say yes, either."

Erin gives her a stern look, and Kim's eyes fall down to her plate, "Kim, that goofball loves you so damn much. He's committed to having not just one but two babies with you. Why are you still running from him?"

"I don't know," Kim groans, dropping her head in her hands, "We were just sitting there on the couch and suddenly he pulls a ring out of his pocket and asks me to marry him. And I just froze. I didn't know what to say and he kept telling me it was okay, but I could see how much it hurt him."

"Kim, forget about everything else and just answer me this; do you want to marry Adam?"

"…Yes. Of course, I just- I'm scared." Kim says, "We've been through so much together and things are going so well. I'm just worried about rocking the boat I guess."

Erin nods and reaches across the table to take her friend's hand, "Kim, I get being scared, believe me. But sometimes, taking a leap of faith is all you can do. And when it comes to things like this, a leap of faith is so worth it."

Kim smiles, tearful laughter escaping her as she says, "never thought I'd see the day Erin Lindsay went mushy on me."

"Ugh, I know." Erin rolls her eyes playfully, "Marriage and kids has made me soft."

"I don't know if I'd agree with that," Mark Jeffries' booming voice breaks the two women apart, Erin smiling politely at the man as he stands at their table, "Fancy running into you two, funnily enough Antonio and I were just talking about you."

"All good things I hope, Mark." Kim smiles.

"Of course." Mark replies teasingly.

"How're things going? Antonio mentioned you guys had a big case going on." Erin asks.

"Yes, we're prosecuting Abigail Chapman." Jeffries says, explaining what he can of the case to the two women. Chapman had returned from Spain after being acquitted for murdering her boyfriend, only to end up being the prime suspect in the murder of a young college student at DePaul. "We're trying to get some information on what exactly she's been doing in Spain the last year, and if there's any way she could've helped to orchestrate this."

"Well, if you need any help with tracking down information, I've still got some connections with some of the guys I used to work with in FBI. I can see if they can maybe get in touch with Interpol or someone that might be able to help."

"That's not a bad idea. I might take you up on that," Mark says, "Damn, if you're ever bored of Intelligence give me a call. I could sure use someone like you on my team."

Erin looks intrigued, but before she can question if he's serious, Kim jumps in, "Haven't you poached enough of us already?"

"Alright, alright, I know when to back off." Jeffries, holding his hands up in surrender, "I should get to court anyways, it was nice to see you again."

"You too, take care Mark." Kim says as he walks off, "Hey, do you think we can swing past the district on our way home? I really want to talk to Adam sooner rather than later."

"Yeah of course. Can you grab the check, and I'll see if I can flag down a cab?" Kim nods and walks to the register, Erin shuffling out of the restaurant as quickly as she can, eyes searching as she goes.

"Mark!" She calls out when she spots him about to get into his car.

He shuts his car door, walking to meet up with her, confused as he asks, "If everything okay?"

"Yeah, sorry, I just … were you serious about what you said? If, uh, if I ever wanted to maybe move out of Intelligence. Would you really be willing to have me?"

"Well, we'd need to set up an interview and go through the proper channels but, yes, I would love someone like you working for me. You fit in well with the team already." Jeffries reaches into his jacket pocket, pulling out a business card and handing it to Erin, "Give me a call if it's something you're really considering."

Erin nods, taking the card from him, "I will. Thank you."

…

Erin and Kim walk up the stairs and into the bullpen later that morning. Adam looks surprised by their arrival and quickly gets to his feet to greet his girlfriend. Erin leaves them be, saying hi to the rest of the team before heading to Voight's office, where her fiancé currently was working while their boss took the day off to spend with his grandson. Jay looks up when Erin knocks on the open door, smiling when she walks up to him.

"Well, this is a nice surprise." Jay says leaning up to give her a quick kiss, "Aren't you meant to be at home, resting? You know you're not supposed to be overdoing it."

Erin shrugs, "Doc said I can move around a little bit through the day, and Kim and I split a cab here. I'd hardly call that overdoing it."

Jay swivels his chair to face Erin, pulling her closer to him, "Hmmm, okay. I missed you."

Erin smiles when he kisses her stomach, their son kicking in response, "We missed you too. How's your day been?"

"Slow. Adam's been moping around all morning. Haven't been able to get anything out of him, even Atwater offering to shout him breakfast didn't get a reaction."

Erin holds her hand against his cheek as Jay looks up at her, leaning into her touch and briefly kissing her palm. The last two weeks since Everly's birthday have been better for them; they were talking more; Jay had slowly started to reconnect with his dad and was keeping up with his veteran's meetings. Erin was taking it easy now that she was on maternity leave, and it felt like things were slowly starting to get back to normal for them. She glanced out of the office to the bullpen, watching Kim and Adam quietly speak; there was a huge smile on Kim's face as she whispered something in Adam's ear.

"Well, something tells me he's not gonna be moping around anymore." Erin smiles wider when she hears Adam yell, 'Yes!? Really?', catching Jay's attention too when Adam lifts her in his arms and Kim squeals.

"Ruzek, I am thirty weeks pregnant with twins! Put me down before you break your back!"

Jay takes Erin's hand in his, walking out into the bullpen as he asks, "What is all the noise about?"

Adam grins as he turns to face them, looking around at their friends sitting at their desks watching them in confusion, "Sorry boss, just happy to see my fiancé."

His response causes a chorus of congratulations and cheers to ring out, everyone standing and coming to hug and wish Adam and Kim. Jay looks down at Erin, "Damn, guess we should get a wriggle on with our wedding now, huh?"

"You know," Adam jumps in, "We could always do a double wedding. Save some cash."

"What are we, 41-year-old twin sisters?" Erin shakes her head, Kim bursting out laughing.

"I love these two, but we're already sharing pregnancy together; I am not sharing my day with them as well." Kim agrees, patting Adam's shoulder, "Better luck next time, babe."

October 2019

"Seriously, how is it that at thirty-three weeks pregnant, you're smaller than I am?" Kim groans as she and Erin sit on the couch.

Erin laughs, nudging Kim's leg with her own, "You're carrying twins, you look the appropriate size for a woman carrying two babies. Plus, you get to shorten this whole thing by three weeks. I'm the one who has to stick it out for another seven."

Given her previous pregnancy, her age, and the fact that she was carrying twins, her doctor had booked a date for them to induce if Kim didn't go into labour by the time that she hit thirty-seven weeks. Erin, however, had been told at her last appointment that baby boy Halstead was still a little small for thirty-three weeks, and it was very much likely that she would end up giving birth after her predicted due date – December 10th.

Kim smiles smugly at that, "God I can't wait. I just want to know who the hell is in here."

"I still can't believe you haven't found out the gender already. I really thought Adam would've spilled the beans by now."

"He knows if he does, he's a dead man." Kim simply states, "I told him he could tell Jay, so he had at least one person to spill his guts to, but if he has told him I have no idea."

"What do you think they'll be?" Erin asks, watching her own stomach as the baby's kicks make her belly move, "I'm leaning towards boys, but I think that's because of this little dude."

"I actually really hope they're girls. Then we can just trade whenever we want to know what it's like to raise the other gender." Kim giggles, "Oh my gosh, imagine if I have girls and one of them grows up to date little Halstead!"

Erin rolls her eyes, "I think you're getting way too ahead of yourself, Burgess, not to mention presumptuous of their dating preferences."

"True. But you got to admit, it would be pretty damn cute. The whole friends from birth thing, it's sweet."

"I guess so," Erin groans when she hears her phone ringing from the kitchen, slowly pushing herself up off the couch, "I mean, all my friends from birth ended up are either dead or imprisoned, so I'm not the best person to ask."

Kim drops her head against the back of the couch dramatically, "You're such a downer, Lindsay."

Erin finally gets to her phone, answering just before it rings out, "Hello?"

"This is a call request from Logan Correctional Facility. Prisoner call request. Press 1 if you accept the charges associated with this call." the automated voice rings out.

The phone slips from Erin's grip, startling her when it hits the countertop. She quickly presses END CALL, taking a deep breath as she stares at her call log.

"Hey, nursery is almost set up," Jay's voice makes her jump, turning around and coming face-to-face with his concerned look, "Whoa, you okay?"

Erin nods, trying to keep her hands form shaking, "Uh, yeah, just … Bunny."

She doesn't miss the look that flashes across Jay's face, the storm that starts brewing behind his eyes, or the way his entire body tenses up at the mention of her mother.

"Still?" He asks.

Erin nods again. Bunny had been calling on-and-off for the last two weeks, and every time Erin would panic and hang up before the call would connect. She hadn't spoken to her mother since she had been arraigned and transferred to Logan Correctional Facility, almost three hours outside of Chicago. Erin sent money on Teddy's behalf, to placate her brother and ensure he focused on his future rather than Bunny's comfort in prison. But Erin had no contact with Bunny in a little over two years, and now suddenly she was calling almost every day trying to get in touch.

"Maybe I should just visit her and see what she wants." Erin sighs

"Not a chance in hell," Jay says sternly, "Erin, you are weeks away from giving birth and the doctor was specific about keeping your stress low. Going to see Bunny is not going to end well, you're not going to visit her."

"Well, her calling every other day isn't exactly easing my stress either, Jay." Erin snaps, "At least if I go and see her, I can tell her to leave us alone-"

"No, what you'll do is open the door for her to come back into our lives. Just ignore her, and she'll go away."

"You don't know her like I do, she won't give up. I can handle seeing her for fifteen minutes, Jay. You're being overprotective right now."

"And you're being stubborn, Erin."

"Like mother like daughter," she sneers, "She won't give up until she gets what she wants."

"You're not going to see her, Erin." Jay says firmly, stepping closer to her, "Bunny has offered nothing good for as long as I've known her. She's locked up where she belongs and finally out of our lives for good. I am not letting you drive three hours up and back-"

"Wait, you're not letting me?" Erin cuts in, "I don't answer to you, Halstead."

"You're my partner, and the mother of my children. And I will do whatever I need to keep you, Evie, and our son safe. Even if it means taking time off so that I can stay home to make sure you don't try and drive up there by yourself."

Erin stares him down, breathing harsh and rough as she tries to settle her emotions, "Fine." She grumbles, grabbing her phone from the counter and walking back to the living room to join Kim.

"Everything okay?" Kim asks when she returns, Everly now snuggled up against her godmother, "Who called?'

"No one. It's not important." Erin sits down next to her daughter, kissing the top of her head as she asks, "Had enough manual labour for one day, Ev?"

Evie nods, leaning her head on Kim's shoulder, "Adam's funny. He kept saying things while we were trying to put the crib together. Jay said I'm not allowed to repeat them, though."

Kim shook her head, fed-up, "No, you definitely should not repeat anything your doofus uncle says. Ever."

A tired smile graces Everly's face and she shifts from Kim to Erin, leaning against Erin's arm and placing one of her small hands atop Erin's stomach. The baby moves and Evie's eyes open slowly, "He kicked me."

"Yeah, he's saying hi." Erin replies.

Evie looks up at Erin, "You know, I always wanted a brother. All my friends say sisters are annoying."

"Oh, they are." Kim snorts.

"Well, little brothers can be annoying too," Erin says, "Teddy used to bug the heck out of me. But I love him anyways."

"I love him anyways, too." Everly says, eyes focused on where her hand lay atop her little brother, "I can't wait to meet him."

Erin smiles tearfully at her words, "Me either. He's gonna love having you for a big sister, Ev."

Erin lifts her arm to wrap around her daughter, letting her get some rest. Looking down at Everly's little hand on her belly helps calm her, and as much as she hates the way Jay said those things to her, she knows deep down that he's right. Bunny brings nothing but trouble to her life, and it wasn't just her life that would be affected anymore. She had to think about what was best for her kids, and that was to leave her mother in the past where she belonged.

The call came four nights later, just as the days ticked over into the month of November.

Jay had just pulled into the driveway as Erin hung up the phone. When he saw her standing in the living room staring out the glass doors to their backyard, he knew something had happened.

"I got another call from Logan Correctional," Erin started "I figured if I spoke to her, told her to leave us alone-"

Jay hadn't let her explain further, his anger shooting up before he could stop it, "See, this is exactly why I didn't want you to talk to her. I knew she would do this; upset you like this! I told you, she brings nothing good into our lives. We agreed, Erin; you were supposed to ignore it until she gave up! God, I should've known she would manage to pull you in."

"Jay …"

"Her hold over you is still just as strong, even after all these years, isn't it?" Jay seethed, pacing the length of their living room, "I don't care what the hell she had to say, you cannot let her have this hold over our lives, Erin! You can't give her the chance to have this influence over you again, over our daughter or-"

"Well, you don't have to worry about my mother's influence over my life or our daughter's – she's dead."

Jay stops pacing, taken aback by the lack of emotion that's suddenly in her voice. Walking over to Erin and turning her to face him, he asks, "What did you just say?"

"The call I accepted tonight ended up being the Warden, calling to inform me that my mother was stabbed in the cafeteria. She's dead, out of our lives forever."

Jay stares for a moment, the words sinking in as the fight leaves his body to make way for the guilt flooding in. He hates Bunny, he's never been shy about his feelings towards the woman, but he knows Erin loved her mother. He didn't have to like her to feel empathetic towards his fiancé, to acknowledge the pain of losing one's mother; regardless of whether he thought Bunny deserved such a title.

"Oh, Erin." Jay says softly, pulling her into him and hugging her tightly, "I-I'm sorry, sweetheart."

His words do nothing to console her. Erin shakes his hold of her, stepping out of his embrace, "I don't need your pity, Jay."

"It's not pity." He replies.

Erin shakes her head, turning back around and sliding the screen door to step outside, "Whatever, it doesn't matter anyways. I need to call Teddy."

She shuts the door behind her, letting Jay know in no uncertain terms that she wants to be left alone. He watches helplessly from the living room as she sits down on one of the chairs spread out on the back deck, and dials Teddy's number. Erin doesn't glance back at him, doesn't acknowledge his lingering presence, and when he sees her start to speak into the phone, Jay walks up to their bedroom to give her the privacy she wants. He doesn't know how to make this better, he's not sure if he can, so instead he gives her space.

2023 (three months after)

Erin smiles as her family sits around the dinner table at Hank Voight's house that Sunday. Jay had met them at the Voight house, only half-an-hour later than he had originally told her he would arrive. He called to let her know as he was leaving the district and had shown up apologetic, having gotten caught up with some paperwork, and Erin had assured him it was okay. Sara had reminded them time and time again to not hide their feelings or frustrations with each other, and Jay had made sure to check that Erin really was fine, and she was. She was happy that he had been able to make it even if he was late – she much preferred that than Jay not showing up at all, and the fact that he had called to let her know made her feel better too. She wasn't angry, or upset, because Jay had told her in advance and had assured her that he was on his way.

Their communication had slowly been improving the last few weeks. Sara had given them some exercises and techniques to put in place, and Jay's talk with Hank seemed to help relieve some of the pressure he had been feeling at work. He was home every Thursday for dinner – barring any work emergencies – and they would spend the evening together after putting the kids to bed, catching up on their day and watching an episode of 'Grace and Frankie' before they went to bed. It was something Sara had suggested, doing something together, and Erin had always wanted to watch the show but never got enough time to sit down and do so. So, Jay had agreed to watch an episode a week with her on Thursdays and he would get to pick the next series they watched. It was simple, but they loved it. They didn't have to plan a special date night to be able to have some quality time together, nor did they have to put pressure on themselves to have a meaningful conversation every time Thursday. Sometimes catching up on your day and letting your conversation revolve around the forty minutes of television you're watching together is all that's need. It was a nice change of pace from their usually heavy conversation in therapy.

"You should've seen these two snuggled up on the couch earlier," Hank laughs as he tells Erin and Jay, "Poor Ev was practically hanging off the edge, and Drew had wrapped himself in the blanket like a burrito."

Erin and Jay both laugh at the thought. Drew loved being snuggled up in a blanket, even during the warmer months of the year. When the rest of their family were sleeping with barely a sheet over them, Drew still had his winter blanket on his bed. It baffled both his parents how he never seemed to be uncomfortable sleeping under it, especially given how humid it got in Chicago, but if that's how he liked it then they would let him.

"Drew's the biggest blanket hog ever," Everly grumbles, nudging her little brother's arm, "And a couch hog too."

"Definitely takes after your dad with that." Erin jokes, Jay looking at her in surprise.

"Yeah, well your mama is the loudest snorer I have ever known." Jay says, glaring at his wife.

Erin turns to look at him, mouth dropped open, "Jay Halstead, you take that back right now!" she says, whacking his arm, "I do not snore!"

"Babe, you snore so bad, at one point in our relationship I considered having you tested for sleep apnoea."

"It's true kiddo," Hank says, Erin's eyes growing wide, "Camille and I used to be able to hear you from our bedroom."

"Oh, well that's just great! I'm never gonna be able to sleep again, now." Erin huffs, crossing her arms over her chest and sinking down in her seat.

Jay laughs at his wife's behaviour, Evie and Drew both giggling as well, before he leans over and kisses her cheek, "Er, it's not that big a deal. At this point, it's like … white noise. I'm so used to it that I don't think I could sleep without it now."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better." Erin mutters, a small smile breaking through when Jay pinches her side.

"I like your snore, mama," Drew says, "It sounds like my trains!"

Everyone bursts out laughing at the table, and Erin drops her head in her hands with a groan, "Thank you, sweetheart."

Andrew smiles boisterously, completely oblivious to his mother's embarrassment, and Erin can't help but laugh along with her family. Jay's eyes meet Hank's as his laughter dies down. His father-in-law nods, a silent acknowledgement of how much better he and Erin seem to be doing lately. Jay looks at Erin, her head tipped forward and eyes shut tightly as she laughs with her children. Jay looks back at Hank and smiles in confirmation. Jay reaches under the table and takes her hand in his, clasping their fingers together. Erin looks at him questioning, but Jay simply shakes his head and resumes talking to their kids, Erin's hand firmly in his.

Sara eyes Jay and Erin curiously as they sit before her in session the next morning. They look happier lately. They're sitting closer, and today Jay's holding Erin's hand in his atop his lap. They're comfortable together, and Sara notes that she's starting to see the physical manifestation of their healing process. It reassured her that the conversation she wanted to start today was one they would be able to handle, but a part of her also felt bad for bringing it up when they seemed to be feeling so happy.

"So, this is the first time after cutting our sessions down to just once a week. How did the last nine days go?" Sara asks.

Erin and Jay nod, glancing at one another before Jay addresses Sara, "Good, I think. No major arguments at least."

"And Jay was home early on Thursday night, and we took the kids to the movies on Friday. Even did Sunday dinner with Hank yesterday." Erin smiles, "It was a good week."

"That's good, I'm glad to hear." Sara says, making notes in her book, "So, we were talking about your pregnancy last time and there was something I wanted to bring up this session that we seem to keep glancing over a lot lately." Erin and Jay both look at her, unsure, and Sarah says, "Your mother, Erin, seemed to play a big part in your lives during this time. But whenever she comes up in the conversation, you're quick to brush past it, Jay."

Jay stiffens, and Sara can tell she's hit a nerve, "Bunny's a sore spot for me, I've said that before."

"Yes, but why?" Sara asks, "What is it about her that's such a point of contention for you two?"

Erin's grip on Jay's hand tightens, and he takes a few deep breaths to steady himself before he starts to explain, "I didn't agree with certain decisions that Erin was making in regard to her mother. We argued about it a lot."

"I was sending money to her in prison every month. I didn't tell Jay about it, he found out when we were getting all our paperwork together for Everly's adoption. He wasn't happy that I had kept it from him." Erin adds.

"Why did you keep it from him?" Sara asks.

"I knew he wouldn't agree with what I was doing." Erin says, "Teddy was pissed that I essentially helped throw her in jail by not taking the deal and the FBI gig in New York. He was really angry during that time, so when he told me to make sure that Bunny was comfortable and would stay safe in there, I did what I could."

"And you couldn't understand why she felt the need to do that, Jay?"

"She didn't tell me," Jay says, "Not until after I found out, and by that point I was just so angry about the lies that I wasn't really listening to her reasoning for it, I think. We kind of just agreed to disagree where Bunny was concerned."

"If that's the case, then how did it become so bad that you're both clearly very uncomfortable talking about it now?"

Jay sighs, avoiding looking at either woman as he admits, "The night that Erin found out Bunny died, I said a lot of things that were … harsh. And it caused some distance between us, I feel. And then about a week after the funeral, we were arguing about it again and I …" Jay trails off, his heart sinking into his stomach as he remembers their fight that night.

When Erin hadn't returned an hour after the funeral service, Jay had tried his best not to jump to conclusions. She had just buried her mother. A woman she had an extremely complicated relationship with. Erin probably just needed some time to herself. She would be home soon.

Dinner came and went, and Jay tried to tell himself that Erin was probably at Hank's or Kim's – she probably wanted to be somewhere that she felt she could grieve without judgement. Where she didn't have to worry about her fiancé angrily spitting out disrespectful words about the dead. Someone would call Jay soon to let him know that was Erin was with them. It would be fine.

But when he put Everly to bed alone, calling Hank and Kim to check in on Erin only to realise that neither of them had seen or heard from her since the funeral; that's when he started to panic.

Because no one had seen his pregnant fiancé, and she wasn't answering her phone. And it was no longer avoidable for Jay to go to the worst scenarios in his head, to worry over the woman he loved and the child she was carrying, to question if she safe somewhere or in grave danger.

Jay wanted to leave. To run out of the house and search every corner of Chicago he could until he found Erin. Until he could confirm with his own eyes that she was safe, that their baby was okay. But their other baby slept peacefully upstairs, and Jay couldn't just haul her out of bed and into a storm for his own benefit. So, he waited. And waited.

"We were arguing," Erin continues, talking to Sara but looking only at Jay, "He was trying to help me, I got defensive, and I started to blame Bunny's death on him."

"Where the hell have you been?" Jay asks when Erin walks through the door, just after eleven o'clock, "Why didn't you answer your phone?"

"I turned it off." Erin grunts, kicking her wet shoes off and walking into the kitchen and staring into the refrigerator.

"You turned it off? Are you fucking serious right now?" Jay exclaims, "I have been worried sick trying to get a hold of you, trying to find out where you could possibly be. It's the middle of the night! You didn't think to call and let me know you're okay? Let your daughter know that you're okay?"

"Relax Jay, it's not like I went out to score oxy. I was sitting in the park, I was right across the road. It's not a big deal."

"It is a big deal, Erin! You can't just disappear like that! What if something had happened to you or the baby? How could you be so irresponsible? I get that you're grieving-"

"You don't know shit!" Erin slams the fridge door shut, whipping around to look at him, "I'm doing the best I can right now, okay, so just get the fuck off my back Jay!"

"Excuse me?" Jay yells back, "What the hell did I do to piss you off so much? You're the one that's been MIA for the last six hours!"

"Because I didn't want to deal with your shit right now!" Erin screams, "I didn't want to have to pack my feelings into a box and act like everything's fine while you keep crowding me – keep trying to act like you care just because you feel bad for me! I don't need or want your fucking pity."

"Oh my god, how many times do I have to tell you that I don't pity you before you finally believe me!?" Jay groans, "God, it just keeps coming back to this doesn't it? You keep assuming I have some burden to bear in all of this. That I'm trying to care for you because I feel guilty."

"You should feel guilty. If you had just let me call her-"

"Oh no. There is no fucking way we're doing this. You're not putting this shit on me! Your mother fucked things up for herself, that was all her doing."

"I don't even know what we said anymore, but we just kept yelling at each other, try to even out the amount of hurt we were both feeling by that point. I was mad at him for being right, about Bunny being bad for me. I wanted someone to blame, and Jay was the easiest target at the time."

"You were both already dealing with a lot, it's understandable that your anger with Bunny would transfer over to your frustration in your relationship." Sara adds.

"And that frustration is how I caused Erin so much stress that she went into labour four weeks early." Jay says, "I don't like to talk about Bunny because I don't like remembering how riled up I got that night. How I let my anger get the best of me. And how it nearly cost Erin and Andrew their lives."

"Two weeks, Jay! She called for two weeks, and I told you she wouldn't give up until she got through to me. I told you something was wrong, there was no other reason for her to call! But you didn't want to risk her influencing our lives. You kept control of the entire situation until it got her killed, and I'll never know if I could've done something to help her! I have no idea what the fuck got her killed because you threatened to keep me under lock and key so I wouldn't sneak out to go and see her!"

"Are you fucking kidding me? No, you don't get to put that on me – that's on you for keeping that link between you and her the whole time she was prison. You let her believe that if she called you would come running, because what kind of daughter sends $500 a month but won't show up for a visit? And if you feel guilty, maybe it's because you think you hold more responsibility for her death than you're willing to admit to yourself!"

Jay has no idea how it happened. How they got this heated, this quickly. But when he sees Erin drop to the floor, clutching her stomach, he knows they've pushed one another way too far. When Erin starts groaning in pain, Jay rushes to her side, a whole new level of panic filling him now. Because he's just caused the one thing that he was scared had happened to Erin when he hadn't been able to get a hold of her – Jay just put her and the baby in danger.

"Erin, what's wrong?" He asks frantically, his heart clenching when he sees the dark patch around the lower half of her dress, "Are you bleeding?"

"No, Jay, the-the baby." Erin stammers, gripping his arms tightly as the pain starts shooting up her back, "My water broke. The baby's coming."

A/N: This chapter's song is 'Heal by Tom Odell. Apologies for any spelling/grammar mistakes but it's almost 1:30am and I just can't be bothered to proofread right now lol

Sorry for the wait between chapters, things have been hectic and getting into the right frame of mind for this story is sometimes harder than expected. I'm doing my best to get back on track with updates but I can't make any promises as to when you'll be seeing the next chapter. Just know that it will come, sooner or later.

Also, not sure if it was clear or not but the little flashbacks you saw in the last section take place about a week after the '2019' section of this chapter. I know a lot of you were curious about Erin's birth story, and I'm very excited to show you next chapter. It's a dramatic one, but personally one of my favourite bits that I've written for this story :)

As always, please leave a review and let me know what you think!