Smoke Me

by HotchocolateBreak

Namjoon has been in love with Jungkook ever since they were little even though they rarely ever talked to each other. Now they're still in the same class, in the same school, but they only interact when Jungkook gets weed from Namjoon in the school bathroom. Will Namjoon make Jungkook see him more than his dealer?

40. Foot in the Mouth

p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"AN: This chapter and the next 4 are from Namjoon's perspective./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;" /p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;" /p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'Bambi. He makes me think of a pink-haired Bambi.'/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Don't you like exercising at all?" Jimin asked./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I like jogging and lifting heavy stuff. But dancing? Not my style."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Did you take it seriously? Like the one time you've tried it?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Jimin…To begin with, dancing's not supposed to be an exercise." I sighed with exhaustion. His big pleading eyes did not help me say the swear words that I've been thinking for the past ten minutes. Thoughts got louder when he pulled me off the bed by the hand and started spinning me around./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I was getting real close to making a happy Bambi trip./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""See? It's fun? Isn't it?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Fun…" I mumbled. Eyeing the exposed skin through the half-open black and white striped shirt./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He kept moving my arms up and down, making me dizzy by turning us towards the door and then back towards the desk. And then he kept moving around until I was straight out nauseous. And despite my strong stomach, I freed my hands, took the necesarry three steps, fell on my knees, and vomited in his university-provided trashcan since it was nearer./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Oh! I'm so sorry. Are you ok?" He was rubbing my back one minute later. Sounding all worried and sweet. "Do you have motion sickness, or…" But the rest of the question died on his tongue./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"The hand that's been touching my shirt was now likely soaked from the cold sweat./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He got up and got me water./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I was shaking, head spinning, holding onto the trash can for dear life./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Wondering how Jungkook must've been feeling right now./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Do you want me to bring some ice or I don't know, medicine?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You know that won't help."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I don't know what you're…."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I cut him off roughly, snatching the water bottle from his hand, frowning./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""You fucking know that won't help."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Oh. How many days are you…."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I'll be fine. I'll heal. I heal quickly. Not worried about myself."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I kept my head above the trash can and stared at the clear liquid that came out of me for one second before my stomach didn't agree to that style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Then are you worried about someone else?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /When I didn't answer and kept still for at least five more minutes, shaking and wishing I could jump out the window, he helped me lay down. And hesitated in taking off my sweat-stained T-shirt./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""May I…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Go ahead."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"The faded scars I got from stabs and beatings had him open his eyes wider. Scars that Jungkook's never asked about. But that now seemed to have Jimin's hands trembling. The cheery music playing in the background seemed even more out of place than before./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""They don't hurt anymore. Not one's recent. I think."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Good to know. Lift your arms? Please."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /He changed my clothes four times during that night. Got me to drink too much water. And went as far as to massage my aching muscles./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He was an angel./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"So, I hated him./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Since I was once again, indebted to a junkie./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Like there was some sick joke being played on me by the universe./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Jungkook was sick too. But thank the devil, that V was there to help him get better./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Shit." I vomited all the stomach acid in my trash can which woke Jimin up three nights in a row. Just in time to get him to help me crawl my way to the communal bathroom./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Sorry," I told him, hand up like I was pleading innocence to an imaginary gun./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Don't worry about it. How are you feeling today?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Like a freshly cut daisy. What about you?" I spat style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You have classes today, don't you?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Any mandatory information during the first ones?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I don't know…I guess it depends…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"That sounds… blah…" Stomach acid came back up and then went back down./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Let me help you."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /He got water in a basin that he's borrowed from a student or the janitor and placed it next to me./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Wiping the sweat with cold water to help the fever go down./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"All the while I was squinting at him. Oozing paranoia./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Why are you doing this?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"What?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Helping me."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Because I know how it's like to feel like you're going to die. And besides, I'm not doing that much."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I caught his moving wrist with a death grip that made him flinch./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Fear was apparent when I leaned in. Half my back was still against the doors of the closet./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'V wasn't nice to you, was he?' I wanted to ask./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""What do you want to get out of this?" That was what I actually asked./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""…nothing."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I smirked and pulled up the long sleeve so I could expose the small holes from his wrist as if he had forgotten all about them./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I told you I've quit."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Did you really?" I mocked./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Yes!"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Fine."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I let go and let the back of my head hit the closet' doors./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He continued to wipe the ongoing sweat from my chest and abdomen. I tried not to read into his movements right now. Not assume a thing until I got better./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"But after he washed my hair with the care that a mother would've shown her child, I was starting to feel guilty./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""You should eat something. Like a lemon with…something."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You have class soon. Go take a shower. Leave me alone. You've done enough," I told him with utmost style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I can't…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /He was staring at the floor with those plump cheeks and serious eyes. It reminded me of Jungkook before he's lost a lot of weight./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Jimin. For fuck's sake. I don't have anything to offer," I waved my hands around exactly once before letting them fall from the exhaustion that one movement style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Stop being pessimistic. I don't want anything!"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Drop the good guy act already. It doesn't work on me. Nice guys actually piss me off more than bad guys cause those are just honest people. Straight forward, cut through the bullshit..."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Namjoon." He slowly enunciated. "I just want to help. And I do have a reason."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"And what's that?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I pointed my chin at him with a sly smile./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Thinking: 'Now we're getting somewhere.'/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I want to be your…friend."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"The voice started strong and then got squeaky at the end. It had me shaking my head while the right leg shook without conscious permission./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Why the hell would you want that?" I snapped. Feeling the tremor traveling up both arms. Like electricity was stuck inside my veins and couldn't get style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I don't know. I just do."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I'm not into you."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"What?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I am taken."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /The obvious blush made me think he was cute, however./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Friends. I want to be friends. I don't want anything more."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"One hundred percent honest?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Yes!" He style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Prove it," I style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"What? Ok. But how do I…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Find a dealer. Buy the shit that you claim you've quit. Have it in this room for a week without touching it."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I crossed my arms to make a point and mostly, to hide the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /He stood still. Quiet. Unblinking./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""No? Can't do that? Fine. Then go to Jungkook's room. It's 333B in the building next to this one. Kim fucking Taehyung's there. Your soulmate incarnate!" I spat in his face and went on,"Go there and get Jungkook to his classes. He's probably not able to think straight. So, watch him like a hawk. Report everything and I mean everything back to me at the end of the day. If I find out that you've left anything out. And rest assured, I'll find out. Never speak to me for the rest of your miserable life. Deal?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He bit his lower, full lip. While I licked my chapped one without realizing it./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Then, you'll be my friend for the rest of your life?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /'Why do you want to be friends so badly? Do you know Fred or…'/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I wondered in my mind and let out a sigh./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Well, unless you harm him in any way then yeah."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Him?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Jeon Jungkook."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Oh. You care about him."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I do," I admitted through clenched teeth./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'A bit too much. I don't even know Bambi well and this might bite me in the ass, but I can't move and make sure he's fine. And Jungkook might be lying for all I know...'/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Okay then. I'll go over to him right now."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"It's kind of early, but go nuts. Did I give you my number?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Yes."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Wonderful." I finally allowed my eyes to shut entirely, feeling a trail of cold sweat coming down from the top of my forehead./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""But Namjoon…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Hmm?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Won't Jungkook be in a similar state? I mean, how is he going to make it through class without, you know...being sick?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"He took way less than I did. And he's started getting clean way before coming here."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'But don't tell him any of that,' That's what I wanted to add when I felt the middle of my head style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"But he didn't seem sick at all when we've first met."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"He smoked at the same time, so he didn't realize much. Trust me. He…didn't quit cold turkey. I…he lowered his dose gradually," I shushed Jimin away with a weak hand, talking more just to make him get up and leave me alone, "It makes the withdrawal easier. It'll be a breeze for him," I threw a hand in the air, irritated that I had to give him any information, and averted my squinting eyes when an eyebrow shot up./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'But I wasn't so nice to myself.'/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I added a grumpy: "Don't forget to lock the door again."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""But won't he have any weed withdrawals?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"That's why I need you to keep an eye on him. Let him lean on you in case he faints if you're ever so gracious," I forced the words out and felt his shadow nodding as if his nod was hitting me in the middle of the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I gotta change first."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I kept my eyes closed for a while. But peeked at his naked back after./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'I need to make Jungkook gain some weight.' I thought to myself. Nearly feeling the bones under my fingers as I envisioned him./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""What about you?" He suddenly asked, kneeling before me with a clean trash can in his fingertips./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I'll be fine," I mumbled./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Don't you want to watch a movie? Read a book or…do anything?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"No."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I think that'll help with the depression."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I said! I am fine!"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He took it personally. Leaned back. And then, encouraged by a new thought, leaned closer again. Saying:br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You're going to miss all your first classes."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I'll let them know I've caught a bug or something." I style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Okay. Call me if you need me."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /A water bottle right next to the trash can and an aspirin. I looked at them, while he threw a backpack over his shoulder. Leaving after wishing me good luck./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Left to grunt to myself. Drowning in the silence of the room./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Let myself make as many pained sounds as I wanted./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"And then reached for the phone from inside the back pocket and waited for him to pick it up./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Hi?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Hi, kid. How nice to hear from you. I almost thought you died."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You're not getting rid of me that easily."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /Silence ensued./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""So, how are things?" I asked, incrementally kicking the trash can closer using the tip of my toes./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Same old, same old. What about you?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You know me. Chilling."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /The taste of bile filled my mouth so I swallowed it down. My hand was shaking the phone against the ear until the friction alone caused me pain. I slid lower to the floor. The headache was swallowing any reasonable thoughts I was trying to find. But only the dark ones remained. Like there was someone inside my head fishing out only the good ones./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Fred's been talking about something until one name had me paying attention./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Jungkook?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Aa…he's good. Good…."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Namjoon... why did you call?" The tone was dark. The tone was serious. The tone had my left leg kicking the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"What do you mean? Didn't you want me to call?" I faked amusement. Faked my normal breathing and glued my face to the coldness of the floor right after./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'Why don't they make floors out of ice?'/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""What do you want?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Can't I call without…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Kid."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'Get me more. Or I think I'll die. Get me something to make it stop!' I thought but couldn't bring myself to say it./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Do you know anyone here? I mean. Is anyone your buddy, buddy?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"No."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I made sure he heard me smiling. As painful as it was to smile with chapped, cracked lips and a dry mouth./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Are you lying to me?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You're right! I have someone there."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Who? What's his name?" I forgot to hide the desperation from my voice when I've asked that./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Kim Namjoon. Have you heard of him before?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""You devil…" I half-joked, style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Why do you ask?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Oh, you know. Jungkook," I casually threw that name to the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"What about him?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"He's…" And it was too much. It came out faster than I could swallow and came out on the floor without much sound./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Namjoon?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"He's…mm…well…" I talked with the bile burning my teeth, and dripping out slowly now that most of what my body's produced was out, by the right side of my cheek, "You know. Same old."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Staying on the side wasn't a good idea hours ago, but now, I couldn't find it in me to change the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Same issues, you mean. And you?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Me?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Didn't you start drinking again?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I controlled every word perfectly. I would've been more proud of myself if only I didn't wish the devil could save style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"…a beer or two."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'I wish I didn't drink at all now cause I'd probably be able to keep food down for a lot longer...But can't go back time now. Can I, Fred?' I thought to style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"That's funny cause I got this buddy, buddy of mine who's told me that he gave you some stuff that's a bit stronger than beer."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Oh, really?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'Ah. Shit.'/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Yeah. In fact. You shouldn't convince my buddies to lie for you. It'll make them hurt. And it'll make me a bit…mad."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /My body started shaking from the top to the bottom, from the fear or the withdrawals. Or the combination of the two. The bones kept hitting the floor like a musical instrument. While my head felt sticky from bumping against the wet floor./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'Now it's colder. So cold. A blanket would be…good…'/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Hmm…sorry."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Don't need to apologize, kid. I bet you already feel pretty sorry for a few days now? But punishment aside, what happened? What got you to relap…start drinking colorful water again?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I pondered on a lie that wouldn't be a lie, but a simple, innocent misdirect. And settled on the best one I could come up with:/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Bad dreams."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"About?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"… future."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"The future is what you make it, kid. And right now, you're making it a bit…red. Aren't you?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I'd say it's pink at this point."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Pink?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Yeah. Like baby pink. Bambi pink."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Namjoon?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Hm?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Call me after you get it all out."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Aye, aye." I joked with no joy, but he had already hung up./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I let the phone fall to the ground, right into the puddle of whatever came out of me./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Fuck."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I slept. Vomited. Drank water. Slept. Pissed into the water bottle. And slept some more./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Only to be woken up from a dreamless, easy to awoken from slumber by a phone call./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"In fact, I've been waking up and falling back asleep so many times in a few hours that I was doubting which one I've done more of. Being awake or unconscious. This is why I tiredly answered with:/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Hi."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Jungkook's clear voice made me want to cry like a ten-year-old child./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""What's up?" I asked, casually./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I want to come over, but Jimin won't let me. Tell him I can."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /'He sounds good. That or he took acting classes in the past couple of days."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You can't."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I used to be on speaker since that's how confident Jungkook was that Jimin was wrong. But then he switched it off to ask a private, puzzled and hurt: "Why not?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I don't want you to."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /A long pause ensued. One that I used to unglue my face from the vomit pillow and force myself to sit up just enough to see above the floor level. The ache from every muscle intensified from the unnecessary movement. The back of my head fell back on the floor when I gave up sitting on my ass instead of my face./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Did I do anything wrong?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"No. I'm just sick." I breathed style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I'm a bit…sick too."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"How sick?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"My head's been hurting."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"That's all?" I said smiling. Glad. And style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Namjoon…let me see you."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Jungkook. Pay attention in class and drink water. Lots and lots of water. Add a lemon too. I heard it's good for you."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Do you know how late it is? Classes are over. And I am really better now."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /'How the fuck?!' I screamed in my head./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""How come?" I inquired style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Don't know. This morning I woke up and felt better."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Mhmm. Sounds...nicee..."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Please, let me see you for just a few minutes…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Tomorrow. Come tomorrow."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /Sleep overtook me soon after. And I woke up only when Jimin came in. I watched the door long after he walked in. Something in me was expecting Jungkook to follow suit. Another part of me laughed in the face of that one when no one else came in./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Jimin turned on the lights and the darkness that comforted me like an invisible blanket was gone./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"The light pink hair almost blinded me as much as the bulb. The red striped shirt and the light blue cardigan were what I mostly saw when he helped me up against the wall./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""How are you feeling?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I didn't entertain the voice that was pitying me with a response./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Brought you some soup."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He wiped my face. Cleaned up the floor. And then spoon-fed me./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I was eyeing him with suspicion after every well-intended "Open wider."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Thanks." That was all I was capable of./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"The smile I received was too honest. It hurt to stare at. Like it hurt to stare at the sun or the goddamn hanging bulb from the middle of the room./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Today. Report. Go."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"But he wasn't listening, eyeing the damp clothing instead. He picked a black sweater from my clothes in a few minutes. And by then, my patience was wearing thin./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Jimin," I style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Hands up."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Today. What happened?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Nothing interesting."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"That's not what I asked."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Let me help you change first."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /He slid the T-shirt off of me and when he tried to slide the sweater on, I could swear I caught a whiff of alcohol./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He was squatting down, smiling at the cute flower that was on the back side of the sweater when I reached out and wrapped three fingers around his neck./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He didn't flinch this time./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"The smile, however, was gone./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Report."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I didn't squeeze. Despite feeling a bit stronger for no reason I could conceive of. I didn't want to squeeze yet. I was simply controlling his focus. And I was relieved when he complied./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Jungkook's still nauseous all the time. He won't eat much. He didn't make any new friends, but he went to all of his classes. He kept asking about you, but I lied and told him that you've caught a cold. Or the flu. But I don't think he believed me. And we had a few drinks after the last class we had together. That's pretty much it, so can you please let go of my neck?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""V."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Him. Well, he…a…I didn't see him today."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I frowned with my eyes closed. The light bothered something that was looking outside from the middle of the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Did Jungkook tell you anything about him today?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I asked, like you told me to and they get along. Somehow. Tae's nice to him. I don't know why, but…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /And I squeezed./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He fell on his ass. Trying to free his neck when I found the strength to follow him by slightly sitting up. I was towering over a scared pink head without one thought running through my mind./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""THEY FUCKING WHAT?!"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /He looked up at me, close to tears./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I closed my eyes again. And continued, a bit calmer:/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""He's nice. That's all he's told you?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /He nodded one too many style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"And you believed that shit?!"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /He didn't nod this time, so I let go./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I didn't squeeze enough to make him cough. I didn't squeeze enough to get anything but honest replies. But he scooted back anyways. Watching me with wet eyes./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I didn't do anything wrong!" He let me know./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""You're lying."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I'm not lying! Whether Tae's hiding his true face, that's not what Jungkook said. Or what he thinks! You told me to say whatever he's telling me! So, why are you attacking me?!"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Attacking? Pff…" I chuckled./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""What's so funny?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I resumed the previous position and hid my eyes from the light by holding both hands over style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Come closer."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I didn't expect him to obey, but he hesitantly did./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I grabbed his neck once more. I could see how betrayed he felt for one second but then realized that I was massaging it and the fury was replaced by confusion./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Sorry. Fine? Old habits die hard. I'll make it up to you."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Make it up to…"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""You can strangle me too. Go ahead."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I let myself lay as limp as possible. Hands outstretched to each side of my body. Crown of my head against the wall, exposing my neck to Jimin like the worst predatory animal known to man./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Are you crazy? I'm not going to do it."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Why not?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I don't want to. We're supposed to be friends. Do you even know what that means?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I cracked open an eye and looked down, curious to find out:br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You got a friend fetish or something?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""What's that?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I'm not sure. I've never met someone like you before."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Well, I …I've never met someone like you either."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I tilted my head with a smirk./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Really? V hasn't strangled you once or twice before?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"No…he's more of a drug you until you can't talk kind of guy."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Oh. I can do that too. But it's no fun if there's no reaction."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /He was blushing again. This time for a reason I couldn't comprehend./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""What? I have nothing on me now. So, why are you smiling?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Nothing."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /And then he started style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Fine." I grunted "I'll bite. What's so funny?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Me?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You can't even stand, but you still seemed so daunting for a moment. And then you're nice. It's like you've got two personalities. Are you a Gemini?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Virgo."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""That makes no sense."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /And he kept laughing./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"It rubbed off. I found myself stuck, smiling at the pink-haired Bambi. Telling him that he's strange./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Letting him help me up to bed. Telling me about what he and Jungkook talked about during lessons. And how Jungkook spilled tea on his pants. How the teachers looked like and how the glasses of a particular student were rounder and bigger than her face. How one teacher didn't seem to like Jungkook or him very much since they kept talking during class./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I listened until I drifted off to sleep./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"And woke up in a cold sweat at four am when the door of our dorm room was being opened by someone other than Jimin who was sleeping soundly in the other bed./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I tensed up. Ready for anyone else to come in and murder me during the night./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Not expecting to see Jungkook, sneaking in. Not one bit./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Hey." He whispered as soon as our eyes met./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Hey," I whispered back./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"And that's when I wanted to tell him to go back to his room. Wanted to prevent him from seeing me shaking. But the film of sweat that covered my whole body like a second skin wasn't anything but a layer of sweat. Nothing else was wrong. And above all that, I felt the strongest urge to touch him. The desire to hold him was the one that helped me prompt myself up on my elbows and reach out./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Smaller fingers linked with mine before he sat down on the right edge of the bed./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""How are you?" I asked before he style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Better now."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Me too," I admitted and then stole a glance at a fuzzy Jimin before cupping his cheek./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Hey," I repeated and kissed his lips without parting my lips./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He relaxed into it. And exhaled as if he was releasing pent-up energy./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I grinned./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Sleep here," I heard myself demanding. Instantly regretting how needy I sounded./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""That'd look suspicious."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"To whom?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Jimin."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""He might be alright with it."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Might be?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Not sure yet. But I bet he's better than V."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"He's not going to do anything to me, Namjoon."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Of course, he won't. He's not prepared to die yet."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /He exhaled loudly. Out of frustration this time./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""That's not what I meant." He whispered, but I was busy pulling the collar of his shirt down. "What are you doing?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You're eating again?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I've never stopped eating... Why?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""You're too skinny."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Excuse me? You've probably lost ten kilograms. Why are you concerned about me?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I leaned forwards and hugged him. Letting his scent wash over me. Breathing it in and out. Letting most of my weight rest on him. Feeling the ribs of his back against my fingers. And planting kisses on his neck./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I'm sorry."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"About what?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'About drugging and doing you without your consent.'br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"About …what I've done to you."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""What did you do?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You can punish me however you see fit."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Punish you?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Yeah, I'll take anything. Beat me up, swear at me, just...don't leave me. It was wrong, but I was afraid that you'll..."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He interrupted me with an amused voice./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"It seriously confused style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Namjoon. Are you delirious or something?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Why would I be?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"There's blood on your style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"No, that can't...be..."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I looked down and sure enough, there was blood on his upper chest; but after I reached up and touched my lips, all fingers remained clean. Then, I concluded, it was coming out of him./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'He got stabbed? Or shoot?'/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Namjoon?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Yeah?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He suddenly yawned and let himself fall forwards into me. Saying, almost out of it already::br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I feel sleepy."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Then let's go to sleep together," I told him, fighting back the tears. Throat constricting. Chest aching./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""You can't go to sleep yet. Only I can," He style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I will come after you."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Don't."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I will. Right after. Don't worry. I won't let you be alone. Not even one second. Not even…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Good night, Namjoon."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I was caressing his head and rocking us back and forth./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"That was until Jimin came up to my bed, fully awake./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Namjoon? Why are you hugging a corpse? That's just not ok."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I breathed in and opened my mouth wide, ready to scream the pain style="box-sizing: border-box;" /But the ceiling wasn't black, but a warm yellow now. The sound of a song without lyrics was coming out of a pair of white headphones. That was the other change. A song that Jimin was tapping his leg to, while he was writing something down at his desk./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Fuck." I told no one but myself./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'Just another fucking nightmare. Nothing less...nothing more...'/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""You're awake?" Jimin asked after coming up to the bed and staring at my face./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'You blind?'/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""..."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""..."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Want breakfast?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I shook my head on the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"But eating is vital right now and I won't take no for an answer."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'Then why did you bother asking first?' I thought, already in a bad style="box-sizing: border-box;" /He sat down in the same spot Jungkook did. Helped me stand upright and then fed me more soup./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I looked at him through puffy eyes and a pained chest./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Jimin? Can you bring Jungkook here today?" I heard the neediness from my voice so I quickly added, " When he's done with classes?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I'm free until the afternoon. And I think he's free too. But eat first."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I swallowed every bite. But I couldn't taste it. Not feeling as sick as yesterday. But if Jimin said anything besides what he did, I was ready to walk out and go to Jungkook myself right in that second./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Do you want to take a shower before I bring him here?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"The hallways were almost bare considering how many students roamed them when I first arrived. But the few students whose doors were open didn't mind frowning at my slow pace. Jimin was right behind me. Like the parent that I never had, nor deserved./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He handed me a big towel after we waited for a guy to come out of a shower for way longer than I wanted to. And then Jimin waited on me without complaining about how long I took. Though he was listening to music the entire time./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"The warm water was like a message to my brain, saying: things were looking up. Or so I wanted to make myself believe while I scrubbed every inch. Washed my hair until the scalp hurt. Brushed my teeth twice. Everything at a faster pace than my recovering self would've liked. Mainly out of fear of something bad happening./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I didn't know what or when. But someone was going to come in and take advantage of the weak state I was in. I just knew it. But after I put on the fresh clothes Bambi had picked out for me and went out of the bathroom, I was feeling like a new man./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I tried not to mind how hard it was to walk. Tried not to mind the hollow cheeks that I've spotted in the mirror. The stares and the whispering that could be about me. Or could be about something else entirely./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'I have to start eating more. I need to start exercising. I need to…'/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"It was only after I caught a glimpse of Jungkook's hair as he was coming into the dorm room that I felt truly alive./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I wanted to hug him, but resigned to only throwing an arm around his shoulder while Jimin was watching./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Been a while." He mumbled./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Jimin couldn't know, but this was Jungkook complaining./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I agree."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Well," Jimin stated, hitting his tights with both hands before getting up from the desk's chair and heading for the door./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Where are you going?" Jungkook asked, almost panicked./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Letting you two lovebirds catch up."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Love…birds?" Jungkook repeated those words with a new edge to them and then shot me an eye filled with unspoken accusations./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I didn't tell him anything." I defended myself before anything was verbalized./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Then how…" Jungkook turned to look at Jimin once more. And Bambi just shrugged, picking up the earbuds from the bed and dropping them into an open backpack./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I said I didn't talk to V unless I had to, which was like once or twice a year. But that doesn't mean he hasn't mentioned you two. Especially after interrupting us at the club…or helping me escape."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"What exactly did the tall shit say?" I wanted to know./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"But Jimin's smile only stretched one corner of his lips./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Nothing much. But you two did confirm it just now. And also…no one asks about their friend as often as you two were asking about each other. No offense."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Sorry if we've been..." Bambi just shook his head with a smile at Jungkook's apology. But Jungkook was probably more anxious now. I could imagine he was thinking: 'We're that obvious, aren't we?'/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""It's all okay by me. But still, I will let you two... be."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Jimin," I called out when his back was already turned. "Are you fine with …this?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /He didn't see me pointing and Jungkook and me, but nodded style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"See you guys later."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /And he was gone./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"And I was pulling Jungkook closer a second after the door got locked from the outside./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Don't."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /Jungkook pushed. He truly pushed and my shock gave him enough time to stand up and walk a few steps. Something that I didn't see myself doing willingly anytime soon./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He started pacing, fingers playing nervously with the long sleeves./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Are you mad?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Of course, I am mad."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /'Because I drugged you?' I style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"He saw right through us. Him! Aloof, sweet Park."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You're still calling him Park?" I chuckled and checked my face for any new sweat at the same style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Namjoon, I'm serious. We're doing it wrong."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I agree. Let's just drop the act entirely. It's not even working. He's living proof." I joked, but meant it at the same style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"But my parents. Do you think they know?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"…maybe."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I knew that was the wrong answer the moment he turned on his heel every two steps. Hand resting on the forehead. The other covering his stomach as if he was holding it together. All the while, blabbering about his paranoid thoughts to me:/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""But Jung! He would've used it as ammunition at Christmas! It would've been the perfect bad…thing! Wouldn't it? Who would hold onto something like that when they had the perfect moment to use it?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Cleared my throat and shut my eyes, trying to sound unbothered by it all. Supportive. Sane. Healthy. style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Unless he knew that your parents would've been fine with it. In that case, it would've been useless."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He stopped dead in his tracks, thought about it, and then decided I was the one who was wrong in this style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You're not helping!"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Well, I am sorry if I can't turn back time so I can pretend to hate you when your parents were over."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He approached my bed on his own accord so I reached out to grab his shirt, but only air grazed my palm./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""What's that?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"What's what?" I mumbled, lying belly up. Staring at one tiny black dot on the ceiling so the room would stop spinning./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Cigarettes! He's got cigarettes. That means he lied to me!"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Who?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Jimin."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Now you call him Jimin?" I mumbled under my breath, turning on my side to see him smelling the pack./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""This is proof he's human so I can call him that."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Oh, he's human. Trust me." An ironic smile later and rage bubbling up to the surface had me assuming quietly: "Did you ask him for cigarettes?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"No. He smelled like cigarettes so I asked him if he smoked. And he said that he doesn't. Why would he lie? Like what would be the point in…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Jungkook."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Maybe he doesn't want to share? But he shared his food with me. And gum. That's way more money? Isn't it?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Jungkook."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I picked it up without thinking. Was it here? Was it upside down or not? Do you remember? He'll know that I…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Jungkook!"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I reached out my left hand, closing and extending my fingers. Eyes still fixating on the dot until his clothed lower abdomen made contact with my hand. I clasped the material and pulled him towards me./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He half fell into me with a thump, before he gave in and climbed up to cuddle me. Head on my shoulder, saying:/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Sorry, I'm just…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Paranoid?" I style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"A bit." He whispered back./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""It'll pass. Every time you start to spiral just think of it as a symptom. It's not real. It's just like blowing your nose when you got a cold. It's not going to kill you. You just…caught a cold."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Yeah…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /'So, he knows? But he's not upset. And he's not hiding it either? Or not well?'/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Now." I started and went on with a lower tone when I requested: "Kiss me."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'He probably thinks it's from the weed. Now...I am getting paranoid.'br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /He didn't seem pleased to hear that, but placed a peck on my lips nonetheless. Only to pull back after./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""You didn't miss me at all?" I tried to sound hurt despite knowing it was just the shyness. I went on: "Huh? Just me? Fine."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I was still holding onto him with a weak arm. As if sure he'll flee at any moment./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He managed to plant a peck on my cheek. Another one on the side of the neck. And a few more on the little bit of exposed collarbone./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"And a hand shyly went under the sweater only to end up on the small of my back./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"It was an awkward hug from a very uncomfortable position. But his head on my chest was comforting. His warm body was making me happy. His breathing alone had me embracing him back without touching anything else./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I was listening to him breathing when he asked: "Why didn't you let me see you sooner?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I exhaled on purpose. Feeling heavy. Feeling tired and cold./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Shame?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"About?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /'Everything?' My head responded on its own./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I didn't look good." I let him know./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I don't care if you don't look good."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Or really? What if I tattoo my whole face? Will you still like me then?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I will."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Well, I won't like me."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Did you eat?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Yeah."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"When?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /That question sent me back. Back to my house. Back to the days in which we kept asking each other if we ate. If we're going to eat. Or move. And it was bittersweet./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"It seemed so long ago that it might've as well never happened./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""This morning. You?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"This morning."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Good."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Good." He repeated and kissed my cheek./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I caught him before he rested back down and kissed his lips./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"And then pulled back to stare at him. The wavy, parted hair, the tired eyes, and the small face./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'I'm so sorry.' I thought./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""You still don't want to cut your hair?" I style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I think I should at this point…but I don't know where."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I can cut it for you."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I'd rather not…" He style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I'm good with scissors." I pointed out./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He arched an eyebrow./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Are you? Whose hair did you cut before?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Mine. And you never complained about it until now, might I remind you."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Pff. Why would you do that?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I pondered about for a bit before I replied:/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I've always cut my hair. Truth be told, messed it up a couple of times. Cut my hand too, but I've never cut someone else's hair besides my mom's. So yeah, you should go to a professional."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You think?!"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /The sarcastic smile was pretty. The hand under the sweater was warm. And the room was quiet for once./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"So quiet that I started wondering how much time I had left alone with Jungkook before Jimin returned./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Are you in the mood?" I asked without thinking./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I…a…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /';am not stoned.' That is what my mind filled in automatically./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Eyes shut. It dawned on me that I didn't feel as bad as before. That somehow, it was only my chest that was hurting and not my body for once./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"As if Jungkook's presence made everything feel better and that was it./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Haven't slept." He continued./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""What?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I haven't slept in a few days…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I pushed his face up and noticed the small little veins that were cracked in the whites of his eyes instantly./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Why not?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /'Retarded question.'/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I couldn't…no weed and all... that's why I'm really tired and you're sick... I don't think we should…be…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"It'll help you sleep," I said, meaning it./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I don't think you're wrong since I always fell asleep after…or while we were doing it, but…."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"But?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You're sick. And Park…Jimin…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /'Pick one of his names already.' I complained in my mind./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Kissed his forehead and then breathed the words against his lips: "Just let me touch you already."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Namjoon, but what if he comes…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Cover yourself with a blanket. We can pretend we're asleep."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"The sun's still up."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /But he was blushing like a girl and breathing faster as soon as I cupped his ass after feeling the skin of his lower back./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""The blanket?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I stole another taste of his lips before murmuring against them./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Hmm?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Where's a blanket?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Here."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I pulled it from the space between the bed and the wall and covered him entirely and only half of me./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He didn't seem to notice this since he had his eyes tightly shut for the moment that I pulled his pants down to his knees./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""That's too low. There's no need to…aw…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /But there was a need to since I wanted to touch his back too./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"A finger was in and the tightness was enough to make me forget all about the headache and the chills./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He tried to suppress his moans, but they started escaping more often after I started touching his penis too./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I scooted lower so I could kiss his neck while fingering and jerking him off. The position was inconvenient, but nothing I couldn't work with. And then I suddenly heard him utter the words:/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""We shouldn't be doing this…"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Why not?" I humored him. And then slipped in another finger. Despite the first one barely fitting./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""It doesn't feel right. In the middle of the day…when he might…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Don't worry. I'll snap his neck if he threatens to tell anyone." I assured him. But a hand tried to prevent me from moving up and down his half-erect penis lazily and for a reason, that pissed me off./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""It's not that. I just think we shouldn't do it now. Like…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"We're not doing it. Are we? How is this different than masturbating in your dorm room by yourself?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I wouldn't do that either…" He said without thinking and then moaned a bit louder when I hit his prostate roughly on purpose./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I bit his neck at the same time to make sure I left a mark./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Why? You wouldn't enjoy V watching?" I asked in his ear, "Wouldn't mind if he barged in while you were masturbating?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Wait…Nam…ah…Joon…"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"The more I fucked his prostate, the louder he got. And the more I wanted to turn him around and fuck him. So, I did./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"The switching of positions surprised him, to say the least./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He immediately jumped out of bed the moment his bare ass made contact with my clothed erection./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Namjoon!?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /He pulled up his pants, cheeks flushed and eyes style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"What?!" I snapped, grabbing a fist of the blanket that was covering him just a second style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You said you wouldn't…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"What!" I propped myself up with energy I didn't know I had, continuing to scream at him: "You don't want me?!"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Not now…" He whispered, stealing a glance at the door./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Not NOW?! Not ever!"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"That's not fair…I didn't…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You wanted my fingers, didn't you?!"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"That's not…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Then what is it, Jungkook?! Do you feel like the girl when I fuck you, but like a man when I finger you?!"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Ple…"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Is that it?! Or are you too scared to let Jimin know you're a bottom?! But it's my bad, since you're not high either." I chuckled bitterly and the chuckle burned my throat, "Boy must that suck. Feeling any pleasure with someone who's no longer your drug dealer!"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Stop screaming…please…" He pleaded, staring solely at the floor./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Why?! You don't want anyone to know you're mine?! Will that ruin the magic for V?! Or did you find a girl that you want to fuck already?!"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Don't talk like that...I wasn't... I was…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I hopped down. Feeling dizzy. And closed the distance between us./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Breaking into a cold sweat when my bare feet touched the ground. And my head spinning from the anger and his smell. His innocent, soft, almost flowery smell./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Which one is it?! What's wrong now?! What is so horrible about having sex with me?! Fucking, spit it out already! Is it because I am too big or that you like getting fucked and can't deal with it?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Nam…"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Or is it because I don't finish in 10 minutes? Is that a sin?! Is it that such a turn-off cause you, falling asleep, is really what keeps me going until…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Namjoon!"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"WHAT!"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"The high volume had him stepping back with teary eyes./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I stared at what I had done and felt torn./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I split it in half. Right down the middle./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"And it hurt./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"The chills were not the same chills anymore, but a cold shower that was making me aware that I was wearing my skin and it wasn't wearing I./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"It all hurt. The air itself hurt. It wasn't air anymore, but icy needles going in and out every pore./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"But his expression was letting me know that something was hurting him to unbearable extents too./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'Damn it.'/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"But I caught him by the arm when he turned to dart for the door. I caught his arm fast enough to have him stumbling to the floor like a doll made out of porcelain falling off the shelf./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He started crying the second I covered him with my body./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I'm sorry…Shh…"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Someone other than Jimin tried the door. Asking: "Who's shouting in there?! Is everything…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /It was hard to hear the rest since Jungkook's sobs were filling up my ears like a song that was turned on the highest volume. I rocked him in my arms, apologizing over and over. But he kept pushing me away. Begging what I wished he'd never beg me:/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Let go."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Hear me out. I didn't mean it. It's the withdrawals…it's…I'm sorry…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Let…"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"The sobbing and the big tears fell out of his eyes like precious pearls. The little fists hitting my chest and the knocking./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'The fucking constant knocking.'/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""It's not your fault. It's mine. I took it out on you…I…tell me what to do, Jungkook, and I'll do it. Anything! Just stop crying…please…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"...go..."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I caressed the stained cheeks while holding him with only one arm. And it dawned on me that my strength was not back, but that Jungkook was weaker. And I wondered how that was remotely possible./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Please tell me how to make it better, Jungkook. Please..." I waited, but the sadness that was present in his eyes when his eyes looked into mine got mixed with something akin to hate. And that had me completely frozen./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Let me go. Now." He style="box-sizing: border-box;" /And they kept knocking. But Jungkook's sobbing ceased. The tears just kept falling and I kept breathing. Unable to listen to him. Or find a way that would assure him that what I said wasn't how I felt. When there were grains of truth in every single criticism./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He tore himself away from me with what little force he had, slipping out by ducking under. And then ran up to the door. Pulled on the locked door once, twice, and then it opened for him like the worst gates of heaven I had the displeasure of witnessing./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Jimin was standing in front of him./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Bewildered./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I saw him watching Jungkook with both fear and worry. And then he looked down at me with something that could only be masked judgment./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"And I looked back at him./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Not sure what he saw, but he stepped aside and Jungkook stormed out through the students that gathered in the hallway either way./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Don't you all have anything better to do?!" Jimin's voice didn't get swallowed by theirs, nor did it silence style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"But they were yelling about sex or something…" I heard one of them saying and that got Jimin to pull the keys out, come in and lock the door all over again./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Chin on the floor, I was looking up at Bambi who squatted before me and demanded answers: "What happened?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I fucked up."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He shut his eyes, whispered something under his breath, and then talked louder:br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Clearly. But, how?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I…hmm…am not sure how to explain it."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You wanted to take his virginity today? You couldn't wait anymore or something?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I let out the start of a laugh and then the pain settled comfortably in the hole that was right in the middle of my chest. So, I rolled on my back. And looked up at the pink-haired Bambi./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I already took his virginity."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"There was no pride. That was a fact. Also, there were flashbacks popping up like oil on water and my hand went to cover my eyes to prevent them./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Great. What did you do then?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I don't know. He doesn't want to do it. He…it's like…I am raping him each time. And I don't mind…but it was hard to keep up with him today. Since I'm sick and all. And he likes it, I can tell, but he won't admit it to himself. I wish he'd admit it so raping him would be okay. You know what I mean?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /Jimin got up and dropped his backpack on the desk. Pondering./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""How is it rape if he likes it?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"That's what I am saying. It wouldn't feel like it if he admitted he likes it."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"My voice sounded distant. Void of emotion. The hole inside my chest was swallowing me up. And spitting me back out./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'I should've run after him...but I can't stand...there's no way in hell I would've caught him like this.'br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You must be a true romantic in bed." He was ironic for once. It made me smile, only because it caught me by style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I am…well…Nah, that's a lie. I wish I could be though. I don't know what that means though…"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""That's why you've started yelling at him?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I guess I got a bit tired of it…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Forcing him to have sex with you?!"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Yes. That. And…everything else."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'Selling. Threatening. Hiding. Killing. Everything…is just so…tiring all of a sudden. Weird. So weird.'/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I'm sorry, but are you confessing that you're a rapist right now?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I let my hand fall from my face so I could look at Jimin, who was holding himself up by leaning against the desk. Looking pale./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"And I wanted to cry, but numbness settled in. Or something like it./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I assumed I should've been sadder. Worried about Jungkook. Angry about Jimin letting him out. But instead, I felt nothing but a crack in the middle of the chest./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Shouldn't friends be honest with each other?" I style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Wha…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I interrupted whatever he was about to say./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I mean. I don't want to force him. And no, I don't go around raping people. He's the only one I've ever…liked so much that I couldn't stop myself. I mean, I did someone as punishment before, but it's not the same thing, you know? Also, I could pay someone to take it, but…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Take it?! What the hell do you do in bed?!"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Keep your voice down."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Keep my…keep my…" He kept himself up by the chair and touched his belly at the same time. As if he was suddenly feeling sick. "Tell me what the heck do you get down to...?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""The usual." That deadpan answer and the shrug had him approaching me./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Too afraid to touch me yet angry enough to face me./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""What is a rapist's usual?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I am too big and I can't finish in less than an hour. Or two… And that is apparently why I am going to die alone," I grinned at the end for just three full style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You're not so smart." He style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"What did you just say?" I tried to sound offended, but it came out as if I truly didn't hear him./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'I can't get angry anymore either. Swell.' I style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Jungkook couldn't have possibly run out crying because of that!"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Fine. You tell me why the fuck he doesn't want to sleep with me yet he's fine with me fingering him. Go ask him, please. I'd love to know what the fuck he wants in bed cause he's never told me. It's either we do nothing or I…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /The ongoing sexual information returned all the color to Jimin's face before he stepped away./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"He had some water and plummeted on his bed before continuing with: "Why can't you just not do it unless he …makes a move?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I tried. The problem is that he never makes a damn move," I spit those words, but it was as if they didn't mean anything now./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'It's a symptom. One of the symptoms...maybe...' I style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Then did you consider that he might not want to be with you…sexually?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I did."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"And?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I refuse."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Pardon?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I refuse. He's mine." I shrugged as if that was style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"He's not yours, Kim Namjoon. Even if you two were married. No one owns another person."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I turned to look at him, dead behind the eyes, enunciating the words: "He's mine. And no one else will have him. Am I not being clear enough?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Well…you're not doing a good job. Are you?" He pointed at the door as if to remind me. I fixated on the ceiling once again, feeling a fever coming up./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I thought I was…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"If you want him to want to be near you, then you need to listen to him. You need to adhere to his wishes. To…make him happy. Not force him into doing what you want him to do."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I'm not forcing him into anything besides sex." I breathed out, ignoring the pain. And yet feeling so dissociated from it. As if it was happening to someone style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Then you're going to lose him for sex."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I'm not losing shit." I style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Can't you see?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"…" I looked at him through blurry eyes./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Look around. He's not here."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I know."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""You made him cry and run off to hide in his room."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /'Where V is.' I whined in my mind./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Go apologize."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I already did."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Go apologize some more."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"He needs to cool off. And I can't move much in case you forgot..."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"He was sad. Not angry."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /'He was angry too.' I thought, but couldn't admit it to anyone style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"…"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I don't get it. You want him to be yours, but you don't treat him well."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I treat him better than I was ever treated," I style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"That doesn't mean much if you weren't treated nicely…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"What's nice anyway?" I asked without expecting a style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Talking nicely. Touching …carefully. And learning about his likes and dislikes so you do his likes and avoid doing the dislikes."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"It sounds peachy to me, Bambi. But there's just one little problem…"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Bambi?" He spat the word out, disgusted, but then choose to let it slip, "And what's the problem?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I have a sex addiction. And it's very particular as in I don't want to have sex with everyone. I want to have sex with him all the time though. The person I love to be more exact." He leaned back, obviously not enjoying hearing anything about sex, yet listening regardless," But all he wants to do is get high and sleep. Now, how the fuck am I supposed to talk to him at all or do anything with him …the fuck's the word you used…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Nicely? Carefully?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"That. How the fuck am I supposed to do that when all he likes to do can be done without me?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"'And the pain's coming back stronger. Great. I'm able to hurt despite feeling so numb at the same time.? Half of me, at least? Ain't that great? The human body is a marvelous machine that can bite my ass.' I thought with bitterness./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"I let it take over because I was too exhausted to fight. But I was also worried that I might be having a heart attack and not an emotional breakdown./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Maybe you're …exaggerating. I'm sure there are other things that you two enjoy doing together."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Bambi. You're a junkie."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Was."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Don't fucking lie to me when I'm being honest." I said loudly. "I hate that I can tell when people lie. But in this case, I don't even have to stare at your face to know that you're bullshitting."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I like other things!"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""For a while...until they lose their charm and, fuck that. That doesn't matter. The thing is that there's no place in the life of the junkie. You're either their dealer…or..." I shut my eyes and whispered through a constricted throat: "...you're no one."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"That's not…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I stared at him with nothing short of malice./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""Or an enabler. I liked having enablers around." He confessed,br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Great. Now I think I might have a chance. Thanks." The irony was not lost on him as he frowned./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Silence ensued. And was broken by:br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"…he might get bored one day."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"…of what?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Using. He might end up alone and lonely. And then he'll realize that what's important is…having friends. People that…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I interrupted him./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;""I'm glad that's what happened to you, but I doubt that's going to happen to him."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"….why do think it won't?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I don't know…I just know that's not his Achilles heel somehow."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Every junkie has one. Or should…"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"That's not his." I argued with style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Do you know what it might be?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I never thought about it. But if I had to choose…it'd be something that makes him angry."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"He doesn't get angry often?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"That too. But he's never walked away from me when he was sad or scared. Hell, he locked himself in my bathroom once when he had a panic attack because of me. He only walked away when he got mad though."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"And what made him mad?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Pf…being accused of stuff, I suppose."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Like?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Stuff…stuff… that was for sure…one hundred percent…true."/p
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