Chapter 5

Violence Without Blood

Kahlan woke with Cara sprawled out beside her, their gentle forms lay inches away from each other. A special sort of delight filled her chest and spilled out of her mouth in the shape of a smile— the night before had not been a dream after all. Kahlan had spent hundreds of mornings painfully reminding herself that Cara was not there, both in body and in soul. But now, Kahlan had everything she wanted. Cara was here, and Cara loved her. With the forced and grueling period of separation came the realization that life was far sweeter when they were together. With Cara back on her side, Kahlan felt as though the world had been laid at her feet. They could do anything so long as they were together; of this Kahlan was absolutely certain.

Cara roused gently at first, her eyes fluttering open and taking in the sight of Kahlan, with her dark hair flowing over her shoulders and framing her alluring features. Unused to the presence of the Confessor after having been conditioned to hate her for so long, Cara jolted up and away from Kahlan's touch. There was a flash of pain that quickly disappeared, merely a shadow of hate, yet Cara was left with a heaving chest and wild eyes.

"Cara, it's all right. Breathe," Kahlan said quietly, not making any sudden movements. "You're safe." It took a moment or two for Cara to regain control of her surroundings. This was Berdine's home in the mountains, not the Temple. She was lying on the floor, not bound by chains.

"I suppose I am no longer a morning person," Cara said flatly, choosing to make it a joke by smiling ever so slightly at Kahlan. It was a difficult task to stay in that world of pain when beautiful, blue eyes were gazing down on her as if she were the most invaluable person in the world. All the jewels in Tamarang could not compare to Cara.

"Did you mean everything you said last night? It felt like a dream," Kahlan asked, her tone slightly wavering with the fear that perhaps that was a mirage, of Cara leaning over her and telling her everything she had craved to hear. Cara held in a breath and shook her head, exhaling when Kahlan smiled.

"It's as if you've forgotten me, Kahlan. I mean exactly what I say, always. If I want to lie, I simply will decline the conversation," Cara told her. She reached out to grasp Kahlan's calloused hand. "I know what love is now, Kahlan. Love is what you've done for me. You looked inside me and saw what I was worth and did everything you could to preserve that until I came to my senses."

Kahlan's eyes welled up with heavy tears, like a cloud waiting for the perfect moment to let out rain.

"How did it feel?"

"To be broken again? It felt disgusting," Cara began, looking down to the hollow in Kahlan's neck, and then down to the soft tops of her breasts which snuck out from her nightshirt. "Pain was the only real thing. It was constant. I fought for as long as I could to hold onto all of myself, to hold on to you, to Ask. But even the strongest of us can break."

"Did you think about giving up?"

"As time went on, it became an option. But the hurt makes me feel alive, and I knew that there was life, no matter how miserable, on the other side," Cara said candidly. Kahlan accidentally let a tear roll down her cheek, despite all her efforts to stay collected. Cara slid closer and her hand rose up to swipe it away. "I don't want your pity, Kahlan. I am Cara because of the pain, not in spite of it."

"I should have never left without you," Kahlan insisted, her eyes piercing and present. "If you would have come with me, none of this would have ever happened."

"How could you have known that Richard was not Richard?" Cara asked, lightly gripping Kahlan's chin so they could lock eyes. "Do not dwell on what could have been, there is nothing there for us anymore. The die has been cast. I will not have the woman I love questioning her decisions. You did what was right in the moment."

Kahlan nodded, then took Cara's hand in hers again. She lifted it to her mouth to kiss what was left of Cara's middle finger. Cara felt a twist in her gut and nausea overtook her. Kahlan held on tighter.

"I will be here for you now, and always. I will hold your ankles, Cara."

"I know this, because I know you," Cara told her, the words feeling soft and silky and right. They held each other for what felt like hours, until the others rose in quietness so they could keep on holding each other until the end of time.

—

"Come on, you can do much better than that!" Berdine shouted, her lips curving into a playfully cruel smile as she hurled herself at Cara once again. Her agiel collided with both of Cara's, the trio of terrible weapons screaming so loudly that Ask had to cover their ears. From the second floor balcony, Ask had been watching Cara and Berdine spar for over an hour. Even from high up, they noticed the two Mord-Sith beginning to break a sweat. Berdine and Cara had made huge ruts in the dead of winter's new-fallen snow, circling around each other as they patiently waited for an opening in the other's defenses.

"Isn't it time for a break? Raina's made cheese bread," Ask shouted through cupped hands. Cara scoffed and waved Ask off dismissively. "You've been at it for hours!"

"D'Hara has been at it for far longer. Soldiers have been ransacking the Confessor's Palace, sitting on the Mother Confessor's seat, taking all the gold they can find, burning books. Everything they did to control the Little Nations in D'Hara, to make them bend to the will of the Lord Rahl," Cara said defensively, using Berdine's quick glance up at Ask to plunge an agiel into her side. The blue-eyed Mord-Sith gritted her teeth in pain. Cara had only been getting stronger over the past month, no longer the pathetic shell of a warrior with their glory days behind them. However, Cara was still Cara, which meant that each one of her blows was more devastating than the last. She fought with a core ferocity of which Berdine had never been able to determine the source. "We need to be stronger than our enemy. Far, far stronger."

"He's right, Cara," Berdine challenged. She brought her knee up hard under Cara's elbow, making the blonde involuntarily release her hand grip and become disarmed of an agiel. Berdine expertly caught the agile and held it up high in triumph.

"You just—"

"I just won. I've been letting you win so you can practice, but I'm hungry. And if Raina has made cheese bread, I'm not waiting around for Zedd to eat half of it before we arrive," Berdine said definitively, tossing the agiel back to Cara. "I'll race you in—"

Seeing her opportunity to win at something today, Cara forced her newly-strong legs to carry her through the heavy snow, up the stairs, and hurtle her past the threshold. Berdine pushed her from behind on the way in, resulting in the two Mord-Sith collapsing together on the floor. Berdine could not stop herself from giggling, even getting a small rise out of her more stoic companion.

"You're like a school-girl," Cara said, and as she looked at her friend's face alight with laughter, a smile snuck across her own face. She smacked Berdine on the ass playfully and got up from under her, but not before Berdine tried to pull her down again by the elbow. Kahlan was waiting for them there, hunched over a book but now looking at the two with deep concern.

"I don't think I've ever heard two Mord-Sith laughing. Is that an omen in your country?" Kahlan teased in a deadpan. Raina tiptoed around the firepit in the middle of the room and offered a hand to Berdine who immediately took it, desperate to get away from Cara before she tried anything else. Kahlan lent Cara a hand, but the more stubborn Mord-Sith chose to rise up on her own. Kahlan let her hand drop back into her lap. Cara had been trying to keep her pride intact by allowing only small bits of so-called weakness to shine through.

"Mord-Sith are the only omen," Cara said flatly, coming to sit beside Kahlan. The warm skin of Cara's leg touched Kahlan's, sweat started at her temples and rolled down to the hollow between her neck and chest. Her full, plush lips were parted slightly with the exertion of fighting and racing Berdine. Kahlan tested the waters and pushed her knee against Cara's. She did not flinch nor move away. Cara's green eyes connected with Kahlan's, and the Confessor swore she saw the slightest hint of a smile.

"They were then, but not now," Kahlan told her gently, and her words rang clear as the Sword of Truth when it was torn from its scabbard. "Now, they can be anything they wish. Perhaps they can even be good."

"I hope the cheese bread is a start. A show of peace and goodwill," Raina offered with a smirk, handing Cara and Kahlan each a slice of the warm bread with a gooey, cheese center. It was a traditional dish from the northern region of D'Hara, where Raina and Cara had grown up. Ask had traveled all the way down to the market at the base of the mountain to retrieve the cheese, they claimed it would be perfect for Raina's bread. Judging by the first bite, Kahlan would wholeheartedly agree.

"Cheese bread will not—"

"Don't finish that sentence until you've eaten all your bread, Cara," Berdine stopped her with a finger raised and a mouthful of bread. Raina chuckled and lifted herself up on her toes to kiss Berdine on the cheek. "There is to be no nihilistic pontificating when Raina's made something so wonderful for us to all share and be merry over."

While still giving Berdine a stern glare, Cara obeyed and chewed her bread, which was of course delicious. Cara hadn't needed to take a bite of the bread to know it would be mouth-watering, Raina always had a gift in the kitchen. Years ago, they would sneak out of bed and Raina would roast apples and pour cinnamon on them, then carefully dole out a slice to each of the girls, who all took it gratefully in their hands as if it were sacrament. It was a little slice of something sweet in a world of pain.

Ask had snuck two pieces, which oddly enough Raina had allowed. Mord-Sith by principle were logical and rule oriented, and Ask was not some petulant child who had greedily asked for more. Ask had a small crumb rest on their shirt, and Berdine was quick to pull him closer by the collar and remove it. If Cara did not know Raina and Berdine as well as she did, she would think nothing of these actions. If Cara had not been invited to Raina and Berdine's bed on multiple occasions, she would not have waited to see that Ask's gray eyes locked inquisitively with Berdine's blue ones. Cara smirked a little and then stood up to grab her pack from the corner of the room.

"Where are you headed?" Kahlan asked. Although they were both grown women, in this period of newfound affection between them, Kahlan was hesitant to let the blonde out of her sight. Cara frowned for a moment, not exactly keen on telling Kahlan where she was off to. Even though they had gotten closer in the past weeks, almost as they were before everything went so horribly wrong, Cara still had reservations about Kahlan seeing the more unpalatable parts of her life. Although to be reasonable, Cara had nearly succeeded in killing Kahlan and therefore she supposed that the Confessor had seen the full spectrum of what Cara was capable of. Cara noticed that Kahlan's beautiful, blue eyes were waiting for a response, and with a sigh Cara nodded and lifted her hand in a motion that asked Kahlan to follow her. If she wanted to be with Kahlan, she would have to be vulnerable.

Kahlan could scarcely hold her breath as she donned her cloak over her white dress and headed into the forest with Cara. They had not been truly alone in quite some time, and Kahlan's memory of that day before she had left for Aydindril rushed back. When the leaves were just turning red outside the People's Palace as she looked out the window in an attempt to hold back the ferocious tide of her power. When it seemed that they would be apart for a mere month. When everything was simple.

"What are you doing?" Kahlan asked as Cara fell to her knees and began to dig into the snow with her gloved hands.

"I'm going to build a fire. Do you want to help?" Cara replied. She did not wait for a reply as she pulled three pieces of firewood from her pack. She leaned them against each other before heading a few paces away to gather smaller twigs and branches. Kahlan followed her, gingerly collecting tinder and kindling as she stole glances at Cara.

"What are we doing out here?" Kahlan asked, and Cara shook her head.

"You'll find out. Let's talk about you in the meantime," Cara told her. "There's something you've been keeping from me, Kahlan."

"I'm not keeping anything from you," Kahlan assured her, her own face twisted up in confusion. Cara looked over at the Confessor with a placid look, her eyebrow raised. Kahlan's eyes accidentally fell down to her plush lips. They had held each other a few times, spoken every day, but they had not kissed since before Cara left. Somehow, it now felt like forbidden territory.

"There's something you're withholding."

"I'm not withholding anything."

"You are. That little scar on your lip gets more defined when you're anxious, because you're twisting up your face to keep it still so you can try to lie to me," Cara noted, pointing to Kahlan's lips as the Confessor attempted to do exactly the opposite of what Cara had described. "Confessors are such terrible liars."

"I don't know if you're ready for what I want to tell you," Kahlan said, taking it upon herself to try and light the fire. It was cold enough that a fire would be nice, but the heaviest part of the winter was over, and so the brisk winds were dying down. It did not take long for the tiny flame from the match to overwhelm the wooden structure they had built, and confident that the fire did not need to be meticulously surveilled any longer, Kahlan stood up. She noticed that Cara was staring, her gaze was unrelenting even in the silence. Although she was terrified of being wrong, of opening a box which would never be shut again, Kahlan knew that this secret was not hers alone. Cara deserved to know if they had a chance.

"Zedd believes you possess an ancient magic which could dispel my Confessor's magic and render it useless," Kahlan said, and when the words came out of her mouth she found them just as unbelievable as when Zedd had told it to her.

"I don't have magic, that's absurd," Cara huffed indignantly. "I would know if I did. I would be far more effective."

"It could have been masked by your Mord-Sith training," Kahlan told her. "Think about it— how were you able to control the compass? How did you break the boundary at the Pillars of Creation?"

"Sheer force of will? The overwhelming power of love and friendship?"

"Cara, this is serious. Every time I touch you, there's this field of polarity around your skin. It's not painful, but it's omnipresent. That must mean something."

"So you're saying that there's a chance…" Cara said, trailing off as she was lost in her own path of thought. A new door had been opened, one which both Kahlan and Cara had closed, locked, and stepped away from the moment they had kissed beneath the falls. A door that meant they had a chance to be ordinary people who loved without terminus.

"Yes, Cara," Kahlan smiled, rolling her lips together as her eyes welled up with tears. She had known this for quite some time, but interloping Cara into the plan had the floodgates rushing open. It meant that this connection between them, this feeling between them, could be real. Kahlan took a step towards Cara and their hands instinctively reached for one another. Her thumbs brushed over the callouses on Cara's hands, feeling the coldness which Kahlan remembered well.

"There is… something I'd like to do, first," Cara told her with a low voice. Her eyes turned up to face Kahlan and all the Confessor could see was pure, hot want.

"All right," Kahlan said, scarcely able to hold her breath. The anticipation only built as Cara remained wordless, but when Cara took her hands away from Kahlan in favor of her pack, the Confessor was left perplexed. Cara removed from her pack the black tunic and pants which they had purchased back in Caillian, the city in the Old World which stood in the shadow of the Pillars of Creation. Her interest piqued again when Cara began to unbuckle the collar of her leathers.

"Give me your dagger," Cara told her in a voice that should have been frightening, but Kahlan knew it was only a vestige of Cara's past. Kahlan's eyes flitted quickly over Cara's form, trying to sense any incoming instability. Cara was stalwart in her desire, holding out an outstretched palm and waiting for Kahlan to comply. Kahlan felt almost afraid to give Cara a dagger, not for fear that Cara would use it on her, but for fear that it would somehow find its way into the Mord-Sith's skin again.

"Kahlan," Cara assured her. "I need to do this."

"What are you going to do with it?"

"Become the woman you deserve to have at your side," Cara said with all the candor that she had ever known. Kahlan did not need her powers to know that Cara was telling the truth, and so despite her hammering heart she slid a dagger from her left boot and pressed the handle into Cara's waiting hand. The Mord-Sith took the dagger, steadying it in her hand, before taking it between the ties that held her collar together and ripping downward.

"I can't wear my leathers anymore," Cara told her, a thick, gummy feeling rising in her throat. "Every time I see them I think of her. I think of what happened. I don't want to be that person anymore."

"You're not that person, regardless of what you wear," Kahlan challenged. "You can be Mord-Sith and be good."

"I will always be Mord-Sith, but I want to be a new sort of Mord-Sith," Cara said, her verdant eyes lucid with the task before her. She turned her attention to the task at hand, waiting until Kahlan dropped her hands to continue ripping apart the leather neckpiece. It looked like blood in her hands, wilting into strips which she tossed into the flames. Even though they would not melt in a glorious fashion, they would warp. They would become unwearable. They would no longer be a prison.

"The Mord-Sith don't need Lord Rahl anymore, at least Berdine, Raina, and I don't. And I don't need leathers to be Mord-Sith. To uphold an order which has only done evil is violence without blood. Violence that runs colder than anything I have ever done. This agiel, these leathers, molded me into a beast when I could have been a simple woman."

Kahlan took a deep breath before nodding and stepping forward, her hands smoothing over Cara's shoulders before she began to carefully tug down on the tight, crimson leathers which enveloped Cara's muscled form. Cara's breath hitched as Kahlan pulled the leather down past her chest, her belly, her thighs. Cara was naked and bare and free. Kahlan wordlessly handed the leathers to Cara once she stepped out from them, the blonde taking no time to slice large cuts through the suit, shredding it beyond recognition before it became completely indiscernible. No one could be afraid of someone wearing this.

"Cara, did you…"

"Love her again? Yes and no," Cara said before Kahlan could finish. Their eyes did not meet as Cara kneeled down in the snow, her knees getting numb by the minute. "What Dahlia and I had used to be love, and this time I thought it was like when we were young. Everything made sense, it was simple, it was like it had been before I met you and Richard. But it was a disgusting place to be again, Kahlan. It felt like giving up. It was only the pain clouding my mind."

"Did you make love to her?"

"Yes, we did. Several times," Cara admitted, her eyes finding Kahlan's in the realization of what she had done. Kahlan steeled herself and nodded. "I cannot apologize for what I did, Kahlan. I was… beside myself."

"I'm not asking for you to apologize, byrd," Kahlan said with a sorrowful laugh, sinking to her knees beside Cara. The wind blew in Cara's short, blonde hair. It had grown slightly past her shoulders in the time they had known each other. Kahlan's fingers found Cara's hair and curled it between her fingers. "I don't want you to suffer anymore and rake yourself over the coals. All you have to do is come with me and move forward. I don't care what happened, all I care is about us and our present. And our future."

"We still have to open that stupid rock," Cara said after a long moment, and Kahlan let out a burst of laughter. Cara could have sworn that was the sound she would hear in the Creator's Meadow.

"I can't believe… after all this, that's what you're thinking about?" Kahlan smirked, earning a push on her shoulder from Cara's hands.

"I focus only on matters of the utmost importance, Mother Confessor," Cara smiled, her good temper threatened as she looked back down at the tattered leathers. "This is who I used to be. This is all the pain I have been through that made me hard instead of soft. This is all the ways I have let Darken Rahl ruin me. This is all of the things I thought I should be."

"Come on, let's get you into some clothes. It's freezing out here," Kahlan said, but Cara dropped the leathers into the flames and wrapped her arms around the Confessor. Kahlan's hands went to Cara's full hips as she laid back in the snow.

"Cara…"

"We can do anything we want, now," Cara breathed, her full lips parting into a smile. "We can be anyone we want."

"We can be just like everyone else," Kahlan laughed in spite of the falseness of the statement. There was a siege on the Midlands and she was meant to be in Aydindril. She was the Mother Confessor, the sole officer of peace and justice in the Midlands. But in these mountains all she wanted to be was a woman unbridled.

"We can be just like everyone else," Cara murmured, her lips dipping down into Kahlan's. When they met, it felt just like coming home. Kahlan's hands reached up to rub down and over Cara's firm, bare shoulders, then cautiously they roamed forward to Cara's upper chest. It felt wrong to tread there.

"Go on," Cara breathed. "Touch me, Kahlan."

And she did. Kahlan untied her cloak with greedy fingers, wrapping the thick material around Cara so she would stay warm. Cara's body grinded down on Kahlan's, wanting desperately to find the place where she fit like a smooth spoon against Kahlan's form. Kahlan could not draw herself closer to Cara as they kissed, though it was not for lack of trying. She felt Cara's wetness on her thigh as the blonde pressed against her, and for the first time she allowed herself to go down into that place of absolute liberty.

"You are so beautiful," Kahlan breathed as Cara planted needy kisses on her breasts. Cara hummed and let two fingers slide over Kahlan's slick clit. The Confessor's body nearly jumped at the touch, then immediately craved more.

"I have waited for this for so long," Cara told her gently, her hand finding the perfect speed and pressure which made Kahlan moan deeply. "Even when I felt like I couldn't find myself, I always found you."

And they found each other, over and over, grasping at skin and pulling at heartstrings. Cara sank down to grope at Kahlan's tight ass before drowning herself between Kahlan's legs. Kahlan sucked in a breath as the sensation changed, each stroke of her clit was more dangerous than the last. Out of habit, her hand reached forward to grip Cara's hair and pull her away, but the Mord-Sith's hand caught hers first. Cara held her wrist tightly, stopping for a moment to look at Kahlan with stoic, green eyes.

"You need to trust me," Cara told her softly yet firmly. "You need to trust us. This won't work if you don't believe in me."

Kahlan swore she felt a surge of wetness run through her and down her legs at Cara's words. They were so honest, so open, so grand. Cara held her gaze for what felt like years, drinking in the sight of Kahlan with her legs spread open and her chest heaving. Kahlan's hand was still threaded into Cara's hair, and wordlessly she pushed the Mord-Sith's head back down to where she needed her most. Where she had always wanted her. They had gone there countless times, but the threat of destroying Cara had restricted much of the possible pleasure for Kahlan.

"Right there," Kahlan moaned after a bout of silence. A cold burst of wind whipped the cloak up, but Kahlan held tight to it as she grew closer and closer to that edge she had rarely seen. She would be lying if she had said she did not try to pleasure herself in Cara's absence, but she also felt like the soul had gone out of it. Exploring her body was no fun when Cara was in danger. More than that, though, there was something about Cara roaming around her skin, touching her lightly, and plunging into her that felt better than anything Kahlan could do to herself. It felt dangerous, even knowing that there was a chance she would not hurt Cara, but with that thought came a quaking sensation of desire for such a risk.

"You're thinking too much," Cara told her with a tinge of impatience, taking a well-earned break to kiss the inside of Kahlan's thigh. "You're not going to hurt me. I trust you."

"I… Cara, stop," Kahlan said in a halting voice, her hands rushing to her face in a flurried effort to catch her tears before they began to fall. Although the wind was howling around them, Cara lifted her head and immediately pulled Kahlan down into her arms. She gathered up her arms and her legs and held Kahlan's head to her bare chest.

"What did I do?"

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"Why the tears?"

"It's… I'm scared, Cara. I'm terrified to hurt you," Kahlan admitted, feeling foolish but not knowing how else to say it. "I have spent my whole life believing this wasn't possible for me, and now I can have everything. But what if I'm wrong? What if I kill you?"

"I don't want to die. Not anymore. Not with you in my arms, full of life, full of love," Cara said, her words coming from somewhere above. Surprised, Kahlan looked up with wet, blue eyes, and before she could stop herself she felt something burst inside her chest. It was a thunder clap deep inside her, full to the brim with her ancient magic which exploded from her bones and into Cara. Although Kahlan tried to pull away in vain, Cara held her there. Kahlan's eyes turned black like the evening sky, like the deepest caverns, like the end of time. Cara felt a rush of panic as Kahlan's magic coursed through her, dislocating her bones and filling her throat with rage. There was a sadness in Kahlan's magic that Cara had never known, a loneliness that overwhelmed her and brought a tear to her eye. Kahlan's hands grasped at Cara's face, fearing the worst with the word 'no' spilling from her lips. Cara's eyes swirled the same terrifying black, yet she did not lose her grip on the Confessor. As quickly as it had come, the storm rolled through her and the skies cleared.

"Cara?" Kahlan breathed, tears streaming down her face. Cara was silent for a moment, and Kahlan's heart dropped. But just as she felt the panic rise in her throat, Cara's lips curled into a smile.

"I did not know the sorrow in your magic," Cara said simply, biting back the lump in her throat. "You've always hidden it from me."

"You've said it yourself. You need pain to know you're alive," Kahlan replied, her hands still feverishly grasping at Cara's neck, at her hair, at her cheeks, her thumb running over the bottom of her full lip. "What is light if we have no darkness to compare it to? What is a form if we have no false shadow to assure us of what is real?"

The wind whistled around their cloak fortress, reminding both women that there was a time limit on how long they should be outside like this; especially when Cara's skin was bare to the elements.

"So we can be together now," Cara smiled, the gesture comely in its rarity. "After all this time. It shouldn't be real, and yet it is. We don't have to restrain ourselves." Kahlan smirked, pulling the blonde down for an endless kiss. When Cara came up for air, Kahlan locked eyes with her.

"I have something for you. A gift," Kahlan told her, which made Cara raise an eyebrow in confusion. "Patience. First, put on some clothes."

Cara pulled off Kahlan's cloak and knelt down on the ground to pull out new clothes from her pack. Her fingers found purchase on the black, sleeveless tunic she had bought all the way back in the deserts of the Old World. It felt soft yet sturdy in her hand, and when she pulled it over her chilled skin it felt just as right as her crimson leathers. Cara made quick work of the trousers and slid on the tracking boots. When she stood, she ran a hand through her blonde hair, which had grown past her shoulders since the People's Palace. It tickled the back of her neck and felt like death, like the past, like the old Cara.

"You left it behind at the People's Palace," Kahlan repeated, holding a small, golden circle pendant in her upturned palm. Cara's eyes immediately caught it, watching how the metal glinted in the afternoon sun. It looked to her like a new beginning.

"It's just a piece of jewelry," Cara told her. "I don't need things like that anymore."

"It's not just a piece of jewelry, Cara," Kahlan challenged, shaking her head and lifting Cara's hand to hers. "Do you remember the merchant who was rude to you? The old Cara would have pulled out her agiel and taken the pin for herself. But you walked away. You spared him. You can be that person again."

"This was my first show of mercy," Cara said, and Kahlan nodded. She pressed the circular pin into Cara's palm, the metal feeling cool on her skin. "Why do you believe in me so much?"

Kahlan rolled her lips together, and although the question should have been simple to answer, it was obvious that there was no true reason why Kahlan trusted Cara.

"We are not so different, you and I. And I think that if I want to be saved, if I want to be believed in, I need to believe in you too," Kahlan admitted. She felt selfish for thinking in such a way, so much so that her eyes dropped away from Cara's. The Mord-Sith closed the distance between them and pressed a firm kiss to Kahlan's lips.

"We will figure all of this out, together. We saved the world once, we can do it again," Cara told her, their faces inches from each other. Cara's words held an immense weight, like she was holding Fate on her shoulders. "You and I can do anything. I have never met anyone like you, Kahlan. You make me feel everything. Which is why I need something important from you."

Kahlan said nothing as Cara pulled one of her agiels from her pack and held it by the wrong end. "I want you to keep this. I don't want them anymore, but I don't have the nerve to destroy them. I am sure they will be the last agiels, after we defeat Rahl."

"But they're your weapons, Cara. How are you going to fight?" Kahlan asked, her eyes flitting from Cara to the agiel in her outstretched hand. It gave a low whine, and Kahlan could see the subtle change in Cara's composure. No one but her would notice the slight clenching of Cara's jaw, nor the small quake of her hand as she held fast to the fear mongering weapon.

"I want to know who I am without the pain," Cara said. "My agiel has been a crucial part of my life for over a decade. If I want to truly change, it starts with these. I'm entrusting one to you, and one to Berdine. If I need them, I trust that you are a good judge of that. You are the Mother Confessor, after all."

"Are you sure?" Kahlan said, biting back the fear which began to fill up her chest. She flashed back to the storm, to the temple, to Cara holding her down and—

"If you want to know me and what happened in the temple, you need to know this pain. Then you'll know when it's right to use the agiel," Cara replied firmly. Kahlan took a deep breath, looked right into Cara's eyes, and took the handle of the agiel. The pain consumed her immediately but Kahlan did not yield to it, she tensed all her muscles and let it wash over her. It was hard to think with the agiel in her hand, sapping every inch of sense in her mind. It was impossible to imagine anything but this pain.

"Kahlan, let go," Cara told her, grabbing her shoulder and holding onto the other end of the agiel. "Let go of the agiel."

Kahlan gasped as she let go, dropping the agiel into the dead leaves beneath their feet. The thin, crimson rod rolled until it hit the toe of Cara's boot, as if it were a dog whining for attention.

"It's so different to hold in your own hands," Kahlan breathed, her chest rising and falling with the exertion of merely holding the agiel. "And you…"

"Like it? Somehow," Cara acknowledged, looking down at the evil thing. "That's why I can't use them anymore. I don't want to be that person, consumed by lust for something that only wishes to destroy me. I used to think the pain helped me, but not anymore. I've gone… too far. I need to cut ties, completely."

"I will hold it for you, then. I will keep it safe," Kahlan told her. She bent down and grasped the agiel with new resolve, taking her cloak and wrapping it around the shrieking thing until it settled. "Your nobility is commendable… but remember, Cara. The leather and agiels do not make you. You are your own woman. Even if you take back the tools which made you a Mord-Sith, you will have done it on your own terms."

Cara felt emotions spilling out that she could not name, each more potent and overwhelming than the last. She stood there speechless for far too long, unable to voice the chaos within her. All she knew was that she wanted to take Kahlan's hand, hold it tight, and walk back to the house together. Their house, with the people who had quickly become their family.