A/N: I am unsure of what the reader consensus is on Ask or OCs in general, but I would love to know your thoughts. I have decided to intertwine them into the narrative a bit more, largely because I plan on using their powers for something big, but also because I really enjoy writing about him as a trans person. Ask is healing for me, and I feel bad continuing the trajectory I was beginning to have for them.
Anyway, enough pontificating into the nameless void for me. As I mentioned, I put the pedal to the metal with this chapter in the case of a plot not surrounding just Cara and Kahlan's romance, so I hope you enjoy it!
Chapter 6
The Wheel Turns
The guard was lighting the final torch at the end of the hallway. Dahlia sauntered down the long, ornate runner that led to that awful door, which was the darkest, midnight black save for the red Rahl insignia, proud yet brimming with malice. The one which, as a young Mord-Sith, Dahlia had learned to fear above all things, even an old and toothless death. The man behind that door, though he was merely a man and could be killed like any other, had held Dahlia's fate, safety, and happiness in his greedy hands for as long as she could remember.
Prior to her training as a Mord-Sith, the tiny farming village of Stowecroft had long been under Darken Rahl's oppressive thumb. Dahlia's father had been stripped of nearly all his personal wealth over the years to feed and clothe the crown, and as a result their pantry grew bare. It was after years of harsh taxation and starvation that her father had inevitably sold her to the Mord-Sith in exchange for security from the D'Haran soldiers; no longer would they beat down his door and demand his crops and his gold. Although it had introduced her to a ruthless life full of competition, pain, and fear, Dahlia was glad to have been given the chance to kill that pathetic man who she deigned to once call 'father.'
Dahlia held her breath when she stopped inches away from the door which separated herself from Darken Rahl. He looked like the Seeker, and for a while had acted as such, but it quickly became clear to Dahlia that it was a clever façade. Someone as potently evil as Darken Rahl could not stay concealed for long. It had surprised her at first, she had felt like a child out of the supervision of her mother, able to do as she pleased without fear of punishment, after he had been killed a year ago. But now she had been forced to return to her duties and serve her Lord Rahl.
Ordinarily, Dahlia would not have been so hesitant to knock on the door and bring herself to his council. She was not a top officer but Lord Rahl never seemed to have had qualms about her, and he never did find out about herself and Cara's relationship. But for the first time, she had failed Lord Rahl. Dahlia was meant to have his perfect weapon at her side, full of spit and hate; a newly loyal Cara Mason, who would kill the Mother Confessor and ensure the long term victory of his own master, the Keeper.
"Come in, Dahlia," Rahl purred in Richard Cypher's voice, which sounded somehow disingenuous. Dahlia rolled her lips together and pushed open the door, her eyes falling on the boyishly handsome form before her. Richard was once the complete antithesis of his brother Darken, even down to his mere appearance. However with Richard soaked in red robes it was easy to tell who was at the helm of this body.
"What news do you have for me? Where is Cara? I would have thought you'd be inseparable."
This was to be Dahlia's reward for her unwavering loyalty and hard work in breaking Cara again. Historically, Rahl had despised the close and often romantic interactions between his Mord-Sith. Dahlia attributed it to his deluded desire for all his Mord-Sith to be his personal property with which he could do whatever he dreamed. However, Rahl had been willing to bend the rules to allow Dahlia to earn Cara back into her bed. He knew that these trying times of limited resources called for a begrudged sweetening of the deal. After she had completed her task, Cara would have been allowed to be with Dahlia in every way they had been before, without fear of punishment struck down upon either of them.
"I have failed you, Lord Rahl," Dahlia said, avoiding Rahl's piercing gaze as she sank to her knees.
"Failed?" Rahl asked calmly, letting the word hang in the air. "You told me just a few days ago that Cara was trained, and that you were to begin the search for the Mother Confessor," he said as if he did not believe her. He took two steps to meet Dahlia and put a finger beneath her chin. When he lifted her face up so they locked eyes, his were the cold, serious brown she had expected.
"All of that is true, Lord Rahl. But the Mother Confessor found us, and Cara and I were separated—"
"I don't have time for stories, Dahlia. Where is Cara, and where is Kahlan Amnell?"
"I don't know, Lord Rahl," Dahlia said, an old but vivid fear bubbling in her chest. "I came back to you as soon as it happened."
"So you are unsure if the Mother Confessor is alive or dead?"
"I fear they have somehow incapacitated Cara. If they had not, we would be here together, laying the Mother Confessor's body at your feet like you requested."
"And tell me how, Mistress Dahlia, did they get past you?" Rahl said in a low tone that signaled his decided distaste in her failure. His fingers traced the firm line of Dahlia's jaw.
"That is something you may have interest in, Lord Rahl," Dahlia said quickly in the hopes she may appease Rahl even slightly. "The one they travel with, the young man, he is a Slide."
"Do not lie to me, Dahlia. You know it disgusts me when you grovel. My father destroyed all of the Slides years ago."
"I mean no disrespect to your father, Lord Panis Rahl, but I am sure of it. He took control of my body for a few moments, but my Mord-Sith magic was no match for him. Do not scold yourself, Lord Rahl, he must be powerful to have concealed—"
Rahl struck Dahlia across the face, his ring leaving a horizontal cut on her pale face that began to gently drip blood. Dahlia did not react, for she knew it would only goad him on. Instead, she turned her face back to him with a cold resolution. Rahl reached out a gentler hand and ran his thumb across the cut to collect the blood.
"Do not tell me how to feel, Mistress Dahlia. You are the one who has failed, not me," Rahl hissed, inspecting the blood on his thumb before holding it out in front of Dahlia's full lips. Dahlia felt her heart begin to race. "So I can only assume that Cara has been recaptured by the Mother Confessor, the First Wizard, and their merry little band. Your months of hard work have evaporated before your eyes. Everything you've done, all your efforts, have now turned to smoke."
Dahlia had no choice but to remain silent against the string of insults. He was right, of course, she had completely failed in her mission. Dahlia was sure that he would kill her on the spot, but the more intelligent part of her knew that with Berdine and Raina back on Cara's side, he needed Dahlia now more than ever. They had only found a few other Sisters of the Agiel, but even with all of their strength combined they would be no match for Cara. Rahl was not upset with Dahlia's failure, but rather in a rage over the loss of one of his greatest assets and most lethal weapons. Cara was the perfect blend of ruthless and unfeeling, and yet unlike Dahlia she knew when to cease her violence. She was not caring like Raina, or too booksmart for the battlefield like Berdine. If it had not been for Denna, Cara may very well have been the Right Hand of Rahl. And once again she had slipped through his fingers and into the hand of his enemy.
"We have no choice but to continue on to Aydindril. At least the Mother Confessor has failed to raise a comparable army. The End of All Things sapped the capital of many soldiers, and I doubt in her hiding she has rebuilt any of what was lost," Rahl said in a low voice. "You and your sisters will accompany me, if you can handle such a simple task. I want to see the fall of the city for myself."
Rahl's thumb waited inches in front of her lips. Dahlia did not break her gaze with Rahl as she leaned forward and wrapped her lips around his thumb like she knew he wanted, letting her tongue obediently lick the blood from his skin and swallow it down her throat. The coppery taste of her own blood reminded her instantly of Cara, and her heart ached for only a moment before she hardened her resolve. Rahl watched on with Richard Cypher's eyes, all full of desire and power.
"Good. We leave tomorrow for Aydindril," Rahl told her, his voice low and his eyes bright with purpose. For a moment, Dahlia half-expected him to pull her up by the braid and lead her to his bed. Instead, he smirked down at her in pity. "Get out of my sight," Rahl spat, ripping his thumb from her mouth and promptly leaving for his private chambers. Dahlia remained, kneeling on the marble floor, her own blood staining her tongue as a sign of defeat.
Dahlia had made a deal with a devil, as she had for her life entire. She wondered if she could ever stop signing her name in his book. She wondered if Cara, who had stepped away from the fold and become something new, had found a source of ultimate renewal that Dahlia was too jaded to see.
—
"Rahl has captured Aydindril," Zedd began, reading the remainder of the message delivered by scroll to the rest of the group. The messenger, who had gone through the Underworld and back to relay this message, stood beside the wizard and patiently waited. From her quick glances to the Mord-Sith, it was clear the messenger had not anticipated this patchwork crew of enemies and allies. "He laid siege to the city for only three days before he slaughtered what was left of the Mother Confessor's Army. The D'Harans left no one alive."
"At least the families were evacuated early," Kahlan sighed, feeling overwhelmed with her poor decision making. She was supposed to be protecting the city, and moreover the Midlands as a whole. Under her permissive guidance, the great city of Aydindril had fallen along with Tamarang and Kelton to D'Hara. With no Boundaries to stop them it had been all too easy for D'Hara to overcome these cities, and now Darken Rahl would engulf the remainder of the Midlands before finally turning his hungry eyes to Westland. After that, all that would remain for D'Hara to effectively control the entire realm was to conquer the mysterious Old World, whose armies and defenses had been long unknown to the Three Territories. But with all of their world's military power at his fingers, it would not seem such a gargantuan task as it once was.
"We have no choice, we must come to Aydindril's aid," Berdine said evenly. "The Mother Confessor needs to regain her seat or else the Midlands and Westland will be lost forever."
"How? We have no armies, no money, and no loyalty," Cara said matter-of-factly, putting her weight onto one hip as she leaned on the banister of the stair. Although it was what everyone was thinking, it was still incredibly harsh. As much as it drove a knife into Kahlan, the blunt ring of reality was yet another hopeful sign that the old Cara was slowly returning.
"Cara is right," Ask interjected, their legs dangling through the openings between balusters a few inches above Cara. "Although you did not mean it, leaving Aydindril to come here has shown the Midlands that the Mother Confessor is not on their side. You'll need to earn back their respect and shields."
"I know barely anything about politics, and I certainly don't have any shred of an idea on how to rule as Mother Confessor. For all my life the Confessors have been in hiding. Mother Confessor Serena was barely in Aydindril, but that was when she could risk it, when the Boundaries still kept D'Hara at bay. I've been on the road for my reign, and when I came back Aydindril was already in shambles. Now it's going to get even worse. How can I convince these people that I am fit to rule when I am so clearly anything but?" Kahlan felt all eyes on her as she spoke, but the words just tumbled out all at once. All of her insecurities were in the open air for everyone to see. Zedd sighed, knowing that these young folk had far too much on their shoulders. And yet, he knew that in order to save the Midlands, Kahlan had no other option than to rise to the occasion.
"You're not going to do it alone, you know," Raina piped up, rolling her eyes with a playful smirk. "You have us."
"Three Mord-Sith, a Wizard, and a Slide are no match for the D'Haran Army," Cara challenged. "We can't embark on this journey fueled by false hope."
"There is another territory which we've all easily forgotten about," Zedd offered, rolling up the parchment and using it to point down to the floor. "Our neighbors to the South, the Old World."
"We've already been to the Old World, it's nothing but sorcerers and sand," Cara said, pursing her lips. "They have no armies."
"They do," the messenger interrupted, earning a scowl from Cara, yet she continued. "There have been whispers in the South of a new ruler, Jagang, who is frothing the people to action for the first time in a hundred years. He has amassed quite a large army, and by the most recent estimates it's nearly comparable to the D'Haran forces. They call themselves the Imperial Order."
"Would this Imperial Order align with Aydindril?" Kahlan asked, and Zedd looked quickly to Berdine.
"We're not sure, Mother Confessor. But there's something even more special about gaining the respect of the Imperial Order," the messenger assured her. "Jagang is a Dream Walker. He can control anyone he likes from a great distance. He is of a powerful, ancient bloodline, one of the last of his kind. If Darken Rahl gains his allegiance before we do…"
"It's all over," Ask interrupted, their gray eyes clearly somewhere far away.
"So it isn't a matter of whether we agree with the Imperial Order, but that we don't let them fall in with the enemy. Just like Richard did with the Boxes of Orden," Kahlan said with new resolve. "We need as much intelligence as possible about this Jagang and his Imperial Order, however we also need to get to the Old World before Rahl does."
"Thankfully, D'Haran forces are still tied up in Aydindril while they reap their rewards," the messenger said with a tone of great optimism. "Which means there is a chance that Darken Rahl's eye is not fixed on the Old World."
"We should leave as soon as possible then," Kahlan acknowledged, closing her eyes for a moment as she thought. "Cara and I will go to the Old World. Berdine, Raina, and Zedd will collect more information and meet us back in Aydindril, hopefully with an army at our backs."
"You're leaving me out, at the height of the adventure?" Ask said, scowling a bit like Cara had never seen. It was a more aggressive side that she felt akin to. "I'm going with you and Cara."
"Ask…"
"Don't ever tell me what I can and cannot handle," Ask said in a tone that made the room fall to silence. "I want to see this through to the end. I have spent my life wandering, and I want to make a home now. I can't do that while I live in fear, waiting for you all to either succeed or fail. I need to do something."
"All right," Kahlan nodded, smiling gently toward Ask. "We leave at dusk, we'll divide up the horses and pack as soon as we can."
Within a half hour everyone was moving at a frantic pace. Ask was fixing the saddles on the horses and stuffing them with rations as if they were afraid of anyone coming within a league of a grumbling tummy. Zedd, normally jovial, uttered nothing more than 'excuse me' each time he passed. For the first time in years, Cara heard Raina and Berdine quietly bicker back and forth.
"You're being ridiculous, Berdi," Raina hissed, stuffing her leathers into a small, olive green pack. "All of this hiding is entirely beneath us. I've gotten used to doing what I like."
"It's in the interest of self-preservation. We can't strut around in our leathers when we're trying to be friendly to foreigners."
"Mord-Sith can be friendly. I'm incredibly… what was that word from the book last night…"
"Amiable, Ray," Berdine mumbled under her breath. Raina nodded, then breathed out of her nose in frustration upon forgetting she was meant to be cross with Berdine.
"It feels so awful, to be without them. This," Raina said with ice in her voice, pointing to the blue, buttoned shirt and beige pants which Zedd had magically woven for her. "Is not who I am."
"We're doing this for Kahlan, and for the Midlands."
"The Midlands wish us dead. And we've done enough for Kahlan, we don't owe her anything."
"She is Cara's heart, we do as she says. For Cara."
"It's a shame that we adore Cara so. Still, my belly says we should stay in D'Hara."
"And risk being pressed back under Darken Rahl's thumb? There will be no quarter for Mord-Sith who defies Lord Rahl. You remember those times."
Raina took to biting the skin on the tip of her thumb, a nervous tic. Berdine let a small smile curve her lips upward and her hand reached out to pinch Raina's arm. Raina did not yelp, instead she looked over at Berdine with a glare. She was only able to stay irate with Berdine for another moment before her big, brown eyes softened to their natural cheerfulness.
"We'll go, and we'll be safe," Raina relinquished with a playful pout. "Ich thos ulis."
"I love you too, sweetheart. Now, and forever."
Kahlan was bent over Cara's agiel, trying to figure out a respectful yet thick material with which to wrap it for the trip ahead. As the rest of the group skittered around them, Cara squatted down and pressed a hand to Kahlan's shoulder.
"I can see in your eyes that you're worried. You have no reason to be," Cara assured her. "There is no one more capable to do this than us."
"All we did was find the Stone of Tears, Cara. Richard was the one who lifted the Pillars of Creation, the one who put the Stone into its place. And now we don't have him anymore. We don't have the Seeker on our side, which is how this world got into this mess in the first place."
"Kahlan, look at me," Cara commanded, her fingers firmly grasping Kahlan's chin and turning her head slightly so their eyes met. "You must believe that you are the Mother Confessor, and then you will become her. This indecision and self-loathing is so beneath you. It may not be what you want, or what you were trained for, but it is your duty now. We are the only ones trying to save this world, we have no one else to turn to. It is all on us. We cannot let D'Hara rule the world. We cannot let Darken Rahl win. You know this."
Kahlan took a deep breath, letting all her worries float away. Cara longed for the security and strength of her agiel, but she made a point to keep her eyes firmly on Kahlan.
"We are going to defeat Rahl, and we're going to get Richard back. Somehow," Kahlan said confidently, feeling the power rising within her. "We have to."
"Our backs are against the wall, but we are not yet out of options. We're going to find this Jangang, earn his shield, and turn heel on D'Hara."
Kahlan nodded, and without thinking she pulled Cara nearer and planted a firm kiss to her lips. Cara felt her body fill up with heat, her hands involuntarily grasped for Kahlan's hips to get her closer, closer, endlessly closer. Kahlan allowed herself an indulgent giggle as she fell forward into Cara's lap, the Mord-Sith falling backwards and nearly hitting her back on the hardwood floor.
She wished that there was only this, but Cara was not the romantic sort of fool who truly believed that time would stop for them. Destiny had marked them as the heralds of hope, and without the Seeker of Truth at their disposal the Mother Confessor and Cara would have to fill that empty space until he returned.
If he returned.
—
After six days of traveling, they were only halfway to the shroud which marked the passage to the Old World. What felt like endless days on the horse had reddened Ask's bottom, leaving them to stand up in the stirrups as they rode. At first Cara had teased them, however upon noticing Ask's lack of retort, Kahlan put an end to that with a stern glare. Cara had huffed but eventually when they came to a slower pace she rode side by side with them, watching their ridiculous stance on the horse.
"Finally have your ass chapped by the horse? I told you to take the gray," Cara told them, eliciting a huff from Ask.
"Shut up, Cara. It hurts too much for me to find your general lack of empathy endearing right now," Ask muttered, their jaw set tightly against the throbbing on their skin. Cara rolled her lips together, forgetting that she was supposed to be good now. What would Kahlan do in this situation?
"I could rub salve on you when we get to the next camp," Cara offered, which made Kahlan laugh from a few paces in front of them. Ask's face got red and they quickly shook their head as if to dispel the chagrin. "If you want me to be nice, you have to reward me even if I do it poorly. It's the only way I'll learn."
"You have to stop that. I can't do that with you anymore."
"What, tease?"
"No. Touch me in that way," Ask said, looking at Cara with serious, gray eyes. "If your heart doesn't lie with me, even a little, I can't do that with you. I'll have Kahlan do it."
Before Cara could interject, Ask snapped the reins of his horse and spurred it forward and past Kahlan's steed. A little surprised, Kahlan let Cara catch up to her before offering up her words.
"You know they're in love with you, Cara," Kahlan sighed, watching Cara as her eyes stayed firm on Ask's form as it wound through the thick, evergreen forest.
"Things were different when we met Ask. I was settling in for a life where I couldn't touch you," Cara admitted, her heart feeling heavy. "I feel… badly."
"Feelings are messy. Relationships are complicated. It's all part of life," Kahlan told her. Cara was keen on simple relationships—she had lusted over Ask, and so she had fucked them. She had liked Kahlan, so she had stayed with her. She had enjoyed Berdine and Raina, so she trusted them. But this thing with Ask now was as morally gray as his gorgeous eyes. It occurred to Cara that she was leading him astray. Cara could hear her father's voice, a voice that she had not been able to conjure since she was a girl: You reel the fish in, Cara. You don't let it wriggle and hurt itself on the hook. Either you eat the fish, or you let it go.
"It's good that you feel poorly. Remorse is good."
"Remorse is a cowardly emotion. It means I haven't made the right decision."
"There is no affirmatively right or wrong decision when you live by your own code. Only you can decide what is right," Kahlan offered. She could see Cara go into herself after that, staying quiet as if she were truly ruminating on what the Confessor had told her. Kahlan smiled a bit, wishing she could reach out to the blonde. To touch her, to connect with her, to know her like this. Although Kahlan had been irrevocably enamored with Cara before all this hurt, this new side of Cara was equally enthralling to her. This woman who wanted to be good, who wanted to grow like a climbing vine instead of hiding from the sun and staying small. This Cara who was not afraid to be wrong, to be uncomfortable, to be new was one she would stand beside until time ran out.
"Stop," Cara said suddenly, lifting an open hand and bidding Kahlan to pull up the reins on her horse. Ask must have heard her through their frustration because they stopped too. The forest was silent save for a few twittering birds and the snorting from their steeds. Cara's horse stamped its foot in the dirt as she looked around worriedly.
"Someone is following us," Cara murmured. "There is something just beyond the trees."
"Should we run?" Kahlan asked in a low voice. Ask looked cautiously between them from ahead but did not dare make a move.
"No, we stand and fight," Cara told her, dismounting from her horse and taking a few steps towards the treeline. There was the distinct sound of quick footsteps skidding against the crunchy, thawing ground, which grew louder as the seconds passed, and suddenly there were six forms descending on their from either side of the forest path. Each was armed with either a simple yew bow or a curved blade, such as a farmer would use to cut down grass or hay. Cara's hands instinctively went to her hip where no agiels were kept. She cursed under her breath, immediately craving the comfort and security of the deadly weapons. But this was what she wanted, to know this world for the first time without pain. Cara would have to rely on her other strengths to defend herself.
"Ka or'tas! Stop!" came a gruff shout from the woods as the assailants ran toward them. "It's the Mother Confessor!"
"Who are you?" Kahlan shouted, dropping from her horse and looking at the forest people. Their faces were adorned with thick streaks of blue paint which were cracking and peeling along with the lines on their skin. Their eyes were all blue and wild, looking feverishly from Cara to Kahlan to Ask. Quick to obey the shouted command they all lowered their weapons and stared at Kahlan, and upon recognizing her white dress they instantly fell to their knees.
"Forgive us, Mother Confessor. We are the Gal'Garan," a short woman said, her blonde, braided hair tied back with a leather strip. She spoke in a thick, D'Haran accent. "We have not seen another soul save for D'Haran soldiers through these woods for weeks, we assumed you were emissaries of Rahl."
"Gal'Garan?" Kahlan asked, her hands clasping in front of her as she attempted to appear reverent.
"I thought the Gal'Garan were anihilated years ago," Cara questioned, raising an eyebrow in suspicion.
"The spirit of D'Hara can never die," the woman smiled, closely investigating both Cara and Ask.
"Liben, liben, liben!" shouted the surrounding Gal'Garan, their open hands beating on their chests.
"What are they saying?" Kahlan said quietly.
"Freedom," Cara replied. "The Gal'Garan are the Little Nation's attempt at resistance to the Seat of D'Hara."
"Attempt? We live, therefore we have succeeded," the woman laughed almost spitefully. "You sound like a Notr D'Haran, yet you speak like you were a Rahl. We only became Little Nations when we defied Panis Rahl."
A few of the Gal'Garan took a cautious step back, the nearest Gal'Garan raised a notched arrow to the side of Cara's head. The Mord-Sith remained unmoved, a placid look keeping her countenance still. After all she had endured, a blunted arrowhead pressed to her temple could not rouse her to fear.
"I am Mord-Sith, but I am no longer in the service of Lord Rahl," Cara assured them, not breaking eyes with the apparent leader of the group. "I have given up my agiels, and I am aligned with the Mother Confessor. I have been fighting with her and the Midlands against the raging tide of D'Hara. I am on your side."
"Trust not the Mord-Sith, for they slide into your homes and take your daughters," one of the Gal'Garan replied reflexively, spitting on the ground as if to drive home their point. The others followed in suit as if it were a ritual. There was a thick tension in the air, too old for either Ask or Kahlan to understand. It was a hatred that Cara knew well but spoke not of.
Ask's eyes were trained on the Gal'Garan whose bow was still aimed at Cara's head, readying themselves to take any course of action to protect her. Although they were hurt by the Mord-Sith, they had a reason for traveling with her all the same.
"I am the Mother Confessor. Whoever I travel with is under my protection. This is Cara Mason, a D'Haran just like all of you, and you will not speak to her in this fashion if you wish to stay alive."
Cara felt the heat of excitement rush through her at Kahlan's words. Her expression was emotionless, her firm blue eyes held sway over the leader of the Gal'Garan. Kahlan stood there in defense of Cara and was unyielding.
"We do not forget, but we are not barbarians," the leader said. "Drop your bow, Ubec. We do not seek trouble with the Mother Confessor, rather we crave her hand. I am Ilsa, leader of this tribe. Our strength is yours, Mother Confessor." With that, Ilsa bowed her head, and the rest of her men and women followed.
"It's good to meet those who are on our side, Ilsa," Kahlan smiled, extending a hand to the woman, who firmly grabbed her by the elbow and shook once. "I fear that I must ask you a favor, the fate of the world hangs in the balance."
They amiably made camp together, even if the Gal'Garan always stayed a few paces from Cara. Seeing this and how Kahlan was wrapped up in explaining their story to Ilsa, Ask decided to move closer to Cara and help her stack firewood. The Gal'Garan were busy setting up their tents for the night and were not paying close attention to them.
"I thought you didn't like me anymore," Cara told them quietly as she chopped clean through another log. The split pieces fell to the side where Ask collected them with quick hands.
"I don't like you, Cara. I'm in love with you while you're in love with someone else," Ask sighed. "It's my fault. I don't want you to feel bad, although I question if you could. But I can't tease like that with you anymore."
"You do know that fooling around with Berdine and Raina will get you just as far as Kahlan and I," Cara murmured as she drove the ax through another log, and Ask froze as they bent down to pick up the wood pieces again. "Don't play stupid. I've seen the lingering glances, the touches, the extra slice of cheese bread. I have been in Berdine and Raina's bed enough times to know what being loved by them looks like."
"I should have known it wouldn't get past you, Eagle-Eyed Cara," Ask smirked, picking up the piece of wood and placing it on their growing stack. "But it's different. I can't be with you and Kahlan like I can with Raina and Berdine, there's no threat of Confession with them. I can only be with you, and you were only with me because you thought you couldn't be with Kahlan. Now that you can be, I need to find my own way."
"You knew about that?"
"She told me some time ago, when you were… indisposed," Ask admitted, running a hand over their newly-buzzed hair. "So it's all right, Cara. You can let me go."
"Ask… I didn't just connect with you because I could have sex with you," Cara told them, feeling nervous about what she was preparing to say. "I… admired you. I still do. There was something about your casual earnestness that drew me to you."
"Truly?" Ask said, strong eyebrow raised.
"Truly," Cara affirmed. "The way we are together is not how Kahlan and I are together. You are not a stand-in for Kahlan. What we have is entirely different."
"But you care for her more than you care for me."
"I don't know how to answer that," Cara admitted.
"So what do you like about me, then?" Ask prodded, standing up as if to show himself off. He puffed his chest and crossed his arms, even going so far as to turn around once. "Tell me. Affirm me."
"You're special," Cara said quietly, which made Ask roll their eyes.
"Because I'm mismatched?"
"No, not because you're mismatched," Cara said, which made Ask's chest grow warm inside. He had never said the word aloud that he had always associated with himself, yet Cara had wordlessly understood what he had meant. "You are kind. You know exactly what you want. You hide much of yourself, yet I still know many things about you. You are like me: you are looking for a home, a family, and people who love you."
"Do you love me, Cara?"
Cara rolled her lips together, her heart felt as though it were recovering from an eight mile sprint. Was this what it was like to be unsure, to be embarrassed? Mord-Sith did not know embarrassment, and Cara wondered why she was feeling this way. Why did she not say what was on the tip of her tongue? Perhaps, she thought, if she had taken so long to say it to Kahlan, would saying it to Ask now cheapen the words?
But she loved others beyond Kahlan. She loved Raina and Berdine. She even loved Zedd, just a little. Love could mean so many things, and she felt no sapping of her affection for others when she told Kahlan she loved her. Perhaps love was a river instead of a well, flowing and endless and always full of water from a long-standing source. Sometimes it would overflow, sometimes it would lower, but there was almost always water to dip into.
Cara stood there watching Ask. The longer they stayed silent, the more Ask's anxiety rose. Her lack of words assured Ask that she did not love him, that he had made a terrible mistake starting this conversation with her, and that he should have fought harder to travel with the other half of the group. Ask had always followed the path of least resistance, their nomadic lifestyle had kept them out of harm's way for the most part. They always moved from place to place when something bad happened, for they could always trust themselves above anyone else. If they kept their feelings to themselves and never grew roots, they could always cut ties when things got rough.
Seeing the person before her begin to unwind, Cara closed the distance between them with a step and cupped Ask's face between her hands. She pulled them near, feeling the heat grow between their bodies, and pressed her full lips to theirs. Ask's teeth gently bit down on Cara's bottom lip as she tilted her head away.
"Ask, I love you. And I love Kahlan. Can you be content with that? Can you share me?"
Ask rolled their lips together. "I love you too, Cara. I want to follow you wherever you might go. I feel at home with you."
"You've been getting closer to Kahlan, it seems. Perhaps…"
"It's not like that with Kahlan and I. At least, not now," Ask laughed gently. "But we can make this work, can't we?"
"The more time I spend with Kahlan, the more I realize how much the world brims over with magic. I know not the bounds of Fate and what it has in store for me. If I did, I would most likely turn mad."
"I am glad you're back, Cara. I am glad you chose to heal instead of die," Ask smiled, stealing another kiss from Cara. "I wish we could consummate this right now. I so wish to bend you over that stump and—"
"Don't rile me up," Cara smirked, reaching down to squeeze Ask's ass. They yelped in pain, but Cara did not pull away. Ask did not pull away either, letting the skin beneath Cara's hand grow hot and irritated. "Let's get this wood to the others. They already look at me as if I wish to steal everything they own."
"Another decision a good person would make. If you keep this up, you'll be wholly unrecognizable," Ask grinned. Cara had the nerve to tackle him, but she would restrain herself. She felt a painful conversation with Kahlan on the horizon, and she would have to save her energy for that.