Session 5
Aurora
Aurora: Hello Doctor (she collapses into a chair)
Doctor: Oh my. Have you been attacked?
Aurora: No... Let's just say the alarm clock idea was a bit of a flop and I had to resort to Philip. I really did marry the perfect man. YAWN.
Doctor: What HAPPENED?
Aurora: Alarm clocks don't wake me up, apparently I have a psychosis that causes me to bludgeon anything that makes excessive noise while I sleep. So… I kinda broke all of them.
Doctor: Well in that case we'll try some other methods. I spent the other day coming up with a spreadsheet of your treatment options.
Aurora: YAWN. And?
Doctor: The first option would be continued private and group therapy with the other Disney Princesses, the second option would be a private resort in Finland for an extended period of time.
Note- no one checks up on Finland.
Aurora: I have to pay for three of my daughters braces, and Philips new colt Samson- bred from his sire Samson and his brood mare Sammy. The equine maternity prices are going through the roof! My rosebushes are too, for that matter. I need to go home and cut them back.
Doctor: Oh, in that case just schedule a follow-up and we'll discuss the options again after I evaluate them.
Aurora: All right then, good day Doctor!
Session 6
Princesses present: Ariel
Ariel: Disney referred me to you, sir. They said that along with my physical therapy I have to come here.
Doctor: I see. What is your physical problem?
Ariel: Can't you see it? I have…. A ZIT!
Note: Ariel was too distressed for us to make much progress at this point. I gave her a discount in form of a 15% off coupon for our next session.
Session 7
Pocahontas
Pocahontas: Hello, doctor.
Doctor: You don't sound very excited to be here, is something wrong?
Pocahontas: I'm just biding my time until I get my bow back.
Doctor: (runs a shaking hand through his hair) So what exactly is your problem with environmentalists?
Pocahontas: It's quite simple, really. Pollution is a color too.
Doctor: I see?
Pocahontas: Of course you don't, o indoctrinated one. My people are forced into jobs at casinos, or selling bracelets by the side of the road, one of the great hopes for our upward mobility is the coal plant on our land. And environmentalists would have this shut down, forcing even more of my people into apathetic jobs that can barely feed their families- besides being unproductive and immoral.
Doctor: So you aren't a fan of gambling?
Pocahontas: NO. There is a saying I often tell young children- If you are hungry, shoot a deer. Where is the practicality of trying to get something for nothing?
Doctor: I must say, of all the princesses I have met, you seem to be one of the wiser ones.
Pocahontas: I wouldn't say so.
Doctor: Well do you have any real problems to discuss? Besides the anger management?
Pocahontas: No.
Doctor: Then we will start there. You are content with your lot in life?
Pocahontas: Yes. I live in a beautiful world and come from a strong people. I am content.
Doctor: How can that be? People are rarely content around here. Just look around at all the sadness, despair, mistrust, deceit, and greed. How can you be happy with this?
Pocahontas: I'm happy to live in a free country where I choose where I go and what I do. I act as I please according to my conscience, and feel as I want to feel, at peace.
Doctor: Then why do you really shoot at environmentalists?
Pocahontas: I already told you.
Doctor: But aren't there better ways?
Pocahontas: Not if they are invading my people's lands, no. However come to think of it I do have an idea…
Doctor: Well, your sessions are rather short. We're almost out of time unless you want to pay an extension fee
Pocahontas: I do not.
Doctor: Well I feel the best way to help you is-
Pocahontas: You don't have to say it, I already know. Because we have tried peaceful negotiation and tolerated these people so long, there's only one thing left to try.
Doctor: And what would that be?
Pocahontas: Scalping them. Good day, doctor!
Note: The Indian coal plant is located on Navajo lands in Page Arizona. This is a real political situation. The Coal Plant is facing shutdown for emissions and will cause many Navajo to be unemployed, and as there aren't many other businesses available to them on the reservation they may all have to work in casinos. This will also cause power shortages across Arizona as it is a huge supplier of power to many places in the state.
Session 8
Cinderella
Doctor: Good morning, your highness!
Cinderella: Good morning sir!
Doctor: Those shoes are rather… Shocking-ly gorgeous?
Cinderella: Don't you just LO-OVE them? I bought them yesterday at Jimmy Choo.
Doctor: That's a very expensive pair of shoes isn't it?
Cinderella: Oh, just luxe!
Doctor: So your Disney agent made this appointment for you this morning, they say you have some… Shoe issues?
Cinderella: No way am I giving up my shoe catalogues, if that's what you want then I'll get up and leave, like right now.
Doctor: Oh no! I don't want your catalogues. She says you have spent more than $900 every day since your last birthday and your Disney account is almost empty.
Cinderella: I can't think how that might happen.
Doctor: She says you're a shopaholic, your highness.
Cinderella: No I'm not.
Note: She's in denial.
Doctor: How many pairs of shoes do you have?
Cinderella: (bites her lip and thinks about it) Umm, like not nearly as many as most celebrities.
Doctor: Your agent put in a note that says you keep all your shoes in a wing of a Disney castle behind a secret door and you're almost out of room. I imagine that puts you at 500 pairs.
Cinderella: Well… Maybe I have that many. I wouldn't know. I just feel so confident and perfect in gorgeous high heels.
Doctor: Your agent also says that you recently separated from your husband Prince Charming due to the spending problem.
Cinderella: …. Can I schedule another session for another time? I don't think I can talk about this right now.
Doctor: Of course. In the meantime I want you to round up all your credit cards and finances and go see a professional. As soon as you get some kind of plan of action squared away with them we'll start working on your problem. I also want you to attend the Group Therapy Session tomorrow.
Cinderella: Yes, Doctor.
Group Therapy Session 9
Princesses present: Ana, Ariel, Cinderella, Snow White, Jasmine
Cinderella: Hello everyone! (pauses to pose in her latest designer outfit, complete with seriously bejeweled shoes that could have belonged to the Mistress of Evil)
Doctor: Come sit down with us, please.
Ana: Ooh! I love your shoes!
Cinderella: I know 3. I bought them this morning at BCBG.
Ana: You're very fashionable, aren't you?
Cinderella: I love designer shoes… (Sigh).
Ariel: That's one of the best parts of losing the fish tail, SHOES!
Doctor: Umm, ladies, can we please focus?
Snow White: I only got to wear flats for my film. Except when I got to train that actress for Mirror Mirror, that was when I got to wear some serious Louboutins. I was also the person who approved her costume.
Ana: And her eyebrows?
Snow White: It's just one of those things…
Ariel: So it isn't just me! I've always considered it to be one of the finest parts of being a modern American woman! An American woman, red lipstick, mascara, and high heels.
Doctor: Ladies?
Ana: I haven't really gotten to wear any exciting shoes, my Disney allowance is pretty small because I'm new.
Cinderella: (tips her shades down and smiles at Ana) You're welcome to come check out some of mine anytime you like.
Snow White: I've always like Alexander McQueen's line, haven't you?
Cinderella: Oh, now there was a designer! Some of his work was just fabulous as far as visual appeal goes, he knew something about eyecandy.
Ariel: This makes me want to go shopping!
Doctor: Ladies!
Cinderella: You know what? I think I am going to have to go back to New York. Right now.
Doctor: CINDERELLA!
Cinderella: Oh, you're such a dowdy.
Note- I will have to look that word up in the urban dictionary later.
Doctor: You all paid for this session, and I'm so glad that you're bonding. But we need to get a little therapy done.
Snow White: I'm sorry Doctor, that was rude of me.
Doctor: No harm done. Now for today's exercise we're each going to go around in a circle and tell the story of a recent traumatic experience that we need to share in order to understand each other. You may pass if you wish to.
Ana: Ooh, ooh me first! I think Kristoff and I had an argument, I'll tell you exactly what we said to each other and then you can all tell me if you think we had a fight or not!
Doctor: I thought you two broke up!
Ana: We got back together. Now listen carefully, it all started when Kristoff told me my blue streak was ugly. I laughed cutely and beaned him with a snowball. Kristoff came chasing after me and grabbed me in a hug and told me how much he loved me. Then he caught me checking out Prince Hans in the corner of my eye and I think he's jealous! He set me down and asked me if I was making eyes at Prince Hans again. I said no way, and he didn't believe me! So then I insisted that I never dated him even when we were over and he said "I'm not sure if we should get back together." So I asked him if he'd been seeing someone else and he said "NO." So obviously there's no reason for us not to be together and I told him so! And he said "I can never argue with you anyway." But then he didn't smooch me in front of everyone else, which means that he's ashamed to be with me!
Doctor: (Takes an aspirin)
Ana: Anyways so right now he's my boyfriend, but I'm not sure I want to break up with him again because that would be awkward.
Doctor: May I suggest that the other ladies take this? Who has the most relationship experience? Let's see… Snow White?
Snow White: I think you and Kristoff should go on a break for a while and check out some other people, make sure you know what you want. Then if you both want to get back together I suggest you get married. You are old enough now and it's time to make a commitment.
Cinderella: I agree with Snow White! When I was like, a teenager, I dated so many boys! But none of them were princes. Basically I had a lot of sucky boyfriends up until I met my husband… And I will say that if I hadn't married him and made that commitment before I moved into the castle we wouldn't still be married now.
Ariel: But you two don't even live together anymore! Oops. Was I not supposed to say that?
Cinderella: We still love each other and we're staying married. We just have some issues to resolve and as soon as we start working on them we'll be moving back into our castle, don't worry. My husband is absolutely obsessed with me. He won't stay away for long.
Doctor: So Ana, does that help a little?
Ana: I guess Disney didn't marry us in the movie because I was too young then. But it'd be lovely to have a wedding! We could even invite the rock trolls!
Ariel: Ooh! Invite me! I LOVE WEDDINGS!
Cinderella: I always cry at weddings.
Snow White: No matter how many times I go, I always get excited on other people's wedding day.
Doctor: I suggest you make a goal to take Princess Snow White's advice and report back to us next week and tell us how its going.
Ana: I love you guys.
Ariel: Aww.
Doctor: Who would like to go next?
Ariel: Well, I'll get mine out of the way. The reason I'm wearing makeup today is because of this (Ariel wipes off the concealer)
Other Princesses: GASP!
Snow White: What did the Disney Princess Dermatoligist say?
Ariel: She said don't touch it or do anything. I can pay a little money for an injection that will clear it right up but she would rather deal with it naturally.
Cinderella: I'm so sorry!
Ariel: I can't do anything that might expose it, it's been a week and it still won't go away. I swear it's getting bigger!
Ana: Gee, I hope that never happens to me.
Ariel: You don't understand, do you? This is traumatic!
Snow White: We get it, honey. My daughter gets zits all the time, her face is almost completely covered. No one wants to date her because it repulses them. She comes home from school and just cries.
Ariel: This isn't helping!
Doctor: Aren't you supposed to go to Disney World next week to train the new mermaids?
Ariel: Yes… But I don't think I can, not with this postule!
Doctor: Go get the injection tomorrow. Your insurance specifically covers it.
Ariel: Okay. (whimper)
Snow White: So I guess it's my turn. My husband took me out for a date last week at a ski resort in Europe. I was skiing the Black Diamond trail and doing good until I saw the little old man who watched the people on the slopes to make sure no one got in an accident- I saw him and crashed headfirst into a tree. I had to go to the hospital and my poor husband had to stay with me the whole time.
Cinderella: That's one date ruined. Is he taking you on another date soon?
Snow White: That's why it's traumatic. He will barely let me out of his sight now, he keeps texting me. He thinks I got a concussion.
Note- How can he tell?
Doctor: What did the doctor say?
Snow White: I have an appointment after this therapy session to check for that.
Cinderella: Next time you should go to Paris, there's too many dumb ways to die in Switzerland.
Snow White: I can't leave the children that long. The babysitter is expensive and the children will miss us lots.
Cinderella: Won't that make them nicer when you get back?
Snow White: That's a thought! I wonder if my insurance will cover childcare…
Doctor: If I give you a prescription it will.
Snow White: Would you?
Doctor: Sure. Just stay for a few minutes after we close up here and I'll get you the prescription free of charge.
Snow White: Thank you!
Other Princesses (Look at Cinderella)
Cinderella: Well I was traumatized a little while ago, I went to the mall here and the food was shockingly expensive!
Doctor: (Reaches for his aspirin)
Snow White: Oh I just can't stand that. They lure you in with a gorgeous store and make it huge so you walk around for hours- then when you get hungry you spend all your allowance to feed yourself that one time!
Cinderella: I know, right? Like, if I wanted to spend my car payment money on food, I'd do it buying tons of food! Not for tiny portions of 'fine cuisine'!
Doctor: I feel we are a little off topic.
Cinderella: So?
Doctor: You already have a goal to take care of, so as we are almost out of time for this session I'll give you girls time to enjoy each other's company while I write up Snow White's prescription.
Session 10
Aurora
Aurora: You won't believe this, but the Disneyland in CA is making me wear stage makeup under my eyes!
Doctor: Wait, you're canceling your sessions for an entire month?
Aurora: I have other things to attend to. I can't justify taking that much time for myself at the moment, plus my kids really need a vacation. We'll be staying at the Disneyland resort while I'm working and my kids will have the whole staff looking after them as well as Giselle.
Doctor: Giselle?
Aurora: Giselle is a lovely person, she watches my kids when I need her to. It just happens that she's taking her daughter to Disney at the same time and she's going to help me out.
Doctor: Is Philip going with you?
Aurora: That's the problem. I can't wake up without him so I have two options- Starbucks 24/7 or he'll have to come. But if he does come then he'll miss a tournament and they'll deduct it from his pay.
Doctor: Surely your family can live without it!
Aurora: I hate to ask him to give it up, it's so important. And I just can't think of how to make it up to him!
Doctor: Keep thinking on it and to help you out further this session is free.
Aurora: Thank you Doctor! Oh, I have to go anyways. My daughter has a date this afternoon and she just started getting ready for it.
Doctor: At nine o' clock in the morning?
Aurora: If you'll believe it. Bye Doctor! See you in a month!