The negotiations today had not taken as much time as yesterday. But they had been just as tiring. It was in the early evening that Qui-Gon and Dooku got back to their ship. Everything was unusually silent and their Padawans were nowhere to be seen. Qui-Gon had expected them to practise a bit of sparring while their Masters were away...
Qui-Gon went to look for his Padawan inside their ship. No one was there. Then he checked in Anakin's little room. He found Anakin meditating. He immediately opened his eyes when Qui-Gon entered the room.
"Hello Padawan," Qui-Gon said cheerfully. "How was your day?"
Anakin smiled at him. "Good. And yours?"
"It was not very interesting but fortunately they agreed to finish earlier than yesterday. So? Have you already tried what to do with your birthday present?"
Anakin simply shook his head.
"Well, I can show you a little trick," Qui-Gon offered.
"I lost it."
Qui-Gon paused. He could not help but feel a bit disappointed at how careless his Padawan was with the present Qui-Gon had given to him. Did it not mean anything at all to Anakin? It was strange, in the morning he had seemed genuinely grateful...
"I'm sorry, Master," Anakin said and turned away.
"Anakin? Are you alright?" Qui-Gon asked, worried now.
Anakin made a movement with his head that could be interpreted either as a nodding or a shaking.
"Please tell me, Padawan," Qui-Gon pleaded, now really discomposed.
Anakin said something in a high-pitched voice, which Qui-Gon did not understand at first.
"Excuse me?"
"I almost killed him."
Qui-Gon frowned. He was sure he had misheard that. "You almost what?"
"I almost killed him," Anakin whimpered and he sounded really miserable.
"What do you mean?" Qui-Gon asked, an uneasy feeling growing inside him.
"Obi-Wan. I almost killed Obi-Wan," Anakin whispered, and then he started making little high-pitched sobs.
Qui-Gon gulped. Why would Anakin want to kill Obi-Wan? He remembered very well how passionately Anakin had fought for Obi-Wan getting a Master. Why would he now...? Certainly it had been a training duel and there had been an accident. Maybe Obi-Wan had fallen on a stone with his head or Anakin had forgotten to set his lightsaber to low power. "Anakin, listen, something like that can happen in a training match," Qui-Gon tried to calm down his Padawan. "It wasn't your fault."
"It wasn't a training match," Anakin insisted in a small, trembling voice. "I did it intentionally. I wanted to do it. I enjoyed it."
Qui-Gon felt dread rising within him. This could not be true. Not again. He could never again bear to loose his Padawan to the dark side. He had been so sure Anakin was different from Xanatos. The boy had seemed so compassionate and serene. But now... Qui-Gon had to sit down on the little cot. His legs did not support him any longer. How could Anakin do this to him?! In the short time they had spent together, Anakin had already become like a son to him. And now he told him he had wanted to kill someone and he had enjoyed it.
"Why?" he asked simply.
"I-I don't know, it felt just good to make him pay for it and I enjoyed the knowledge that I was stronger than him a-and..." Anakin's voice cracked. "I almost killed him," he whispered again. "I thought he was dead and that I had done it..."
"What happened?" Qui-Gon continued asking questions. His voice sounded calm and detached but inside he was in turmoil.
"I pushed him under water and suddenly he did not move anymore," Anakin choked. "I thought he was dead but then he suddenly woke up again. I was so terrified that he could be really dead."
"You tried to drown him?" Qui-Gon asked, his voice dangerously calm. He had to fight very hard to retain his self-control. "Why, for Force's sake?!"
"H-he was angry be-because he didn't get a birthday present from his Master and then he threw my rock into the lake and I became so angry..." Anakin helplessly trailed off.
"That's the reason why you wanted to kill him?" Qui-Gon shouted incredulously.
"I-I didn't want to kill him, I only wanted to make him pay for it -"
"But you risked his life and you could have killed him very well!" Qui-Gon shouted, fury, dread and hurt mixed in his voice. "What he did is not a reason to kill someone! There is never a reason to kill someone unless you absolutely have to do it in order to defend yourself or protect the lives of innocents! A Jedi must never let his anger control him like that! You could have...!"
"I'm sorry, Master," Anakin said quietly.
"And I don't know if you should call me that any longer," Qui-Gon said grimly.
Anakin sobbed softly and whispered again, "I'm sorry."
"Telling me again and again how sorry you are doesn't change a thing," Qui-Gon said harshly. "The decision what will happen now is no longer in my hands. I'm going to speak to Master Yoda." Not wanting to show Anakin how much this hurt himself too, Qui-Gon quickly left the room.
He sat in front of the comm-station for a very long time. He knew there was more to it than just the fact that Obi-Wan had thrown Anakin's rock into the water. Something bothered Anakin - something that ran much deeper - and Qui-Gon hated it that Anakin did not tell him about it. On the one hand, he felt betrayed, and on the other, he was simply worried. If Anakin had told him, they could have maybe worked it out together and it would have never come to this. Staring gloomily at the arfour unit, which excitedly waited for him to do something, he wondered what to tell Master Yoda. He knew he should have never taken a Padawan again. Why had he not listened to his feelings? They had been so clear concerning the matter. His heart heavy, Qui-Gon typed in the settings to establish a connection to Coruscant.
"Master Qui-Gon, glad I am to see you," Master Yoda said. The little blue holo-Yoda looked gravely at him. "Felt something disturbing in the Force, I did, concerning your Padawan."
"Yes, indeed." Qui-Gon remained silent. He did not know where to start. He was grateful for Yoda to keep silent and wait patiently for him to speak. "Master, I... I'm afraid I cannot train him," he stated at last.
"Hmm. What by that you mean?"
"There's anger in him. I...fear it's the dark side." Qui-Gon helplessly stared at the flickering hologram. "Today he wanted to...tried to...well, he attacked Obi-Wan and almost killed him."
Yoda knowingly nodded. "An accident it was?"
"No. I wasn't there. From what he told me, he attacked purposefully but not with the intention to kill. He said he'd stopped when he'd realised...what he had done."
"Hm, yes, hm. Young Obi-Wan is well?"
"I think so. I haven't checked yet. But Master Dooku is with him."
"Good. Young Anakin well is not, hmm? Afraid he is?"
"Of what? That he's to be banned from the Order? I don't know. I'd say he's rather afraid of himself - of what he has done."
"Feel regret, he does?"
"Yes, I'm sure he does. He's shocked and terrified and, yes, I think he feels regret."
"Good this is. Teach him to control himself, you must."
Qui-Gon was startled by that. "Master Yoda, I cannot teach him anymore. Not after what happened today. I failed to teach him to reject the dark side just as I failed to teach it to Xanatos."
"A bit hasty you are, hm? One month you have trained young Anakin. Ten more years I'll grant you to prove yourself a good teacher." Yoda cackled softly and absentmindedly scratched his left ear.
"But that's...," Qui-Gon protested. "I can't do it! How can he be a Jedi after what he did today? He's strong in the Force. His anger could become a very great danger - to himself! He should be sent to work with the Agri Corps or...anything. Anyway, I will not teach him any longer. And I know there are things he hides from me."
"Young he his. Still so much to learn, there is. Hard lessons, difficult lessons. To teach him that, I trust you. His Master you are. Continue his training, you will. Decided it is. Hm." Yoda nodded self-confidently.
"I cannot," Qui-Gon protested weakly.
"Afraid you are?" Yoda observed sagely.
"How could I not?" Qui-Gon said defiantly.
"A wise Jedi Knight you are, Master Qui-Gon, but still so much to learn there is. Learn to overcome your fear, you must."
"He shouldn't suffer under my fears and incapability as a Master. Tomorrow, I'll bring him back to the Temple and that's the end of it." Qui-Gon terminated the transmission. He was even more confused now than before.
ooooooo
Obi-Wan had stayed in his room for hours. He did not want to face anyone - neither his Master, nor Master Jinn, nor Anakin. He wished he was back in the Temple with Yoda and his friends. Master Yoda, whose presence was always soothing. His friends, who would somehow cheer him up. The peace of the Jedi Temple. His favourite place in the Room of a Thousand Fountains... Involuntarily, his fingers clenched again. His lungs seemed to be full of water one more time, threatening to explode. He could feel the cold sweat on his back again, Anakin's brutal and unyielding grip on his head, each breath which brought more water into his lungs and he desperately needed to cough but it only brought more water and more water and... Relax, he told himself. Relax! Breathe in and out, in and out, breathe the Force, feel the Force... After some time, he had halfway calmed down. No more thoughts about water today... Again, his gaze rested on the little box which had lain in front of his door. There were little red and violet cylindrical things in it but Obi-Wan did not know what it was. It looked like something to eat.
It could be poisoned.
There was a knock on his door. Obi-Wan checked thoroughly in the Force and when he was absolutely sure it was Master Dooku, and Anakin was far enough away, he called, "Come in".
"Padawan?" Dooku observed him critically. "What are you doing?"
"I found this in front of my door." Obi-Wan showed the box to his Master. "Do you know what it is?"
Master Dooku took it and examined it closely. "I do not know what it is. We will have our droid check it. Come on."
Obi-Wan followed his Master. Master Jinn sat with the arfour droid, looking deeply troubled. When Master Jinn looked up and met Obi-Wan's gaze, Obi-Wan stopped dead. He knows! it struck him. And that meant, very soon Master Dooku would know about it too. Obi-Wan wanted nothing more than simply forget about it.
"Are you alright, Padawan Kenobi?" Master Jinn asked him with a concerned smile.
"Yes, thank you, Master Jinn," Obi-Wan replied stiffly.
Dooku told the arfour unit to scan the mysterious box. If he was confused by Obi-Wan's strange behaviour, he did not show it. "It seems to be harmless," Master Dooku said after the droid had done a series of shrill beeps. "No poisonous ingredients, no bomb, no virus." He frowned. "That's curious. Curious, indeed... We should not rely on that. Someone else should check it, a sentient being."
"What's it?" Master Jinn asked, only mildly interested.
"It was in front of my Padawan's door," Dooku explained and handed Master Jinn the item. "Do you, by any chance, know what it is?"
Master Jinn smiled sadly. "You can be assured, it's nothing dangerous. Here," he gave it back to Obi-Wan, "don't worry, you can eat it without exploding. It's a sweet the children on Gala like to eat. It's a sort of a fruit, I think. Anakin liked it a lot. I guess he brought some."
Obi-Wan winced slightly. He did not want it. "Then I suppose he lost it. Can you give it back to him?" He pushed the box in Master Jinn's hand.
"Yes, of course." Master Jinn sighed and got up. "I'm going to go to bed now. It's been a long day. Goodnight."
Obi-Wan had the impression Master Jinn almost fled.
"Well, Padawan," Master Dooku addressed Obi-Wan. "There is a Jedi tradition that a Master gives his Padawan a present on the Padawan's thirteenth birthday. The thirteenth birthday marks the day when childhood is over. It marks the beginning of the co-operation between Master and Padawan. You leave the Temple and go out into the world, you visit new planets and learn important lessons. You grow up. The present a Master gives to his apprentice on his thirteenth birthday is meant as a gift which accompanies and supports you throughout these years of learning and growing up. Obi-Wan Kenobi, you have been my Padawan for a month now. I hope that one day you will be a great Jedi Knight, who helps to keep peace and justice in the galaxy. I will do my best to support you on your way and I hope this little present will support you too. Happy birthday, my young apprentice." Very solemnly, Master Dooku handed Obi-Wan a little packet.
Obi-Wan did not really want it. "Thank you, Master," he said quietly. Slowly, he opened the packet. Inside was a little ring. It had a tiny black gemstone on it which glowed in a bluish tinge.
"This ring has special powers," Master Dooku explained. "It reacts to dark Force energies. It shines blue as a warning."
"That's really useful," Obi-Wan said, feeling both grateful and guilty. He put the ring on his finger and examined it once more. "Um, Master, why is it shining blue now?"
"Ah." Dooku nodded knowingly. "That's the dark side in you." Obi-Wan winced but his Master continued unperturbed. "You must know, Padawan, that every being has a dark side in themselves. Everyone, even Master Yoda, has darkness in their soul. But the important thing is to control the darkness, to defeat the darkness within you. That is what you must learn. Only then can you become a Jedi. It is a lifelong struggle which does not even end once you are a Jedi Master."
"I understand, Master." Obi-Wan bowed. "Thank you very much for the present and the lecture."
"You're welcome, Padawan," Dooku said, unsmiling as always, but Obi-Wan thought his voice sounded a bit warmer than usually.
ooooooo
Sometime round midnight, Anakin came into Qui-Gon's room. Qui-Gon had not been able to sleep anyway with his thoughts drifting from Anakin to Xanatos and back.
"Master, I didn't tell you the truth," Anakin began, his voice timid and hoarse.
"What?" It was a new piercing pain in Qui-Gon's chest. His Padawan had not only almost killed another student in his anger - he had also lied to him.
"I-I mean, I told you the truth but I left things out," Anakin quickly said.
"Ah." It confused Qui-Gon that this statement filled him with relief. He should not care anymore. Anakin had betrayed him and the Jedi, and Qui-Gon would bring him back to the Temple tomorrow. He did not want him as his Padawan anymore, did he?
"A few months back in the Temple, Bruck Chun, Obi-Wan and I checked the archives because we wanted to know where we come from and who our parents are."
"You know it is forbidden," Qui-Gon said sternly.
"Yes, of course I know it's forbidden but we were just so curious. And...well. Bruck's father is treasurer on Telos and Obi-Wan's father is king on Maleevis. Obi-Wan would be the king now if he hadn't become a Jedi."
"Okay." Qui-Gon had no idea what this was all about but he was starting to get curious. "So what about you? You're not a prince, or a treasurer's son, I take it."
"No, I'm not," Anakin said quietly. "I'm from Tatooine."
"Tatooine? I've never heard of that planet."
Anakin laughed sadly. "That's understandable. It's a very unimportant planet and... there's still slavery. My mother's a...slave." He choked out the word but then forced himself to continue. "And my father's unknown. Obi-Wan and Bruck said that maybe my mother's a whore or she was raped and it means... it means I shouldn't be there at all." Tears were glistening in Anakin's eyes. He stared at his feet while he went on. "Master Yaddle bought me from my owners. She bought me for 45 somewhat Credits. 45 Credits... And I still got a scar where they removed the implant from my body. I did some research. Well, they place such implants into a slave's body so they cannot run away. If the slaves tried to run away the implant would make them explode. I'd still be a slave if Master Yaddle hadn't bought me. I was just lucky. Because of my midi-chlorians count. If there wasn't that prophecy, I'd still be there."
"Come here, Padawan." Qui-Gon patted the place next to him on his bed.
Hesitantly, Anakin sat down. "You still call me that?" he asked in a small voice.
Qui-Gon sighed. "Yes, I do." I don't really know why, but yes, I still call you that. He lightly put his arm around Anakin's slim shoulders. Maybe it was because he was simply glad that Anakin trusted him with that. He knew how much of an effort it had cost Anakin to explain something like that. Many things had gone wrong but there was at least that trust between them. When Qui-Gon had been a Padawan, he had often missed someone whom he could trust with everything. Of course, he had trusted Dooku as a teacher but he had never felt like he could go to him when he was sad or angry. Qui-Gon had wanted to be different as a Master. He had wanted to establish closeness between him and his Padawan. Anakin had shown him today he trusted him with his deepest fears. There were still many things to learn - both for the Master and the Padawan - but maybe trust was something upon which they could build their relationship. "Okay, now I want to ask you a question," Qui-Gon said gently. "Are you a slave now?"
"Well, no, I'm not," Anakin sniffed, "not now, but -"
"No buts," Qui-Gon said firmly. "You're not a slave. You're a Jedi. And Obi-Wan? Is he a king now?"
"No, he's a Jedi too. But he could have been a king."
"And this is your first lecture tonight: Jedi don't deal in what-ifs. You're a Jedi, Obi-Wan is a Jedi and Bruck is a Jedi too."
"I know, Master, but there's still the knowledge that our lives could have been so different - that we are so different."
"And that's the second lecture. If you hadn't looked it up in the archives, you wouldn't feel you're different, would you? Now you probably understand why the Jedi Code forbids you to know your heritage."
"I always thought it was because of the attachment-thing."
"It is meant to avoid attachment to your family, yes. But I think there's no way to avoid attachments. I think we all have attachments. I feel attached to my former Master - to Master Dooku -, to you, to Tahl and to Mace - they're both very good friends of mine. And yes, I believe even Master Windu has an attachment: He loves democracy. Master Yoda has an attachment: He loves the Jedi Order. It is okay to have attachments as long as you don't mistake love for possession, and as long as it doesn't interfere with your Jedi duties. That's why I think that the rule that you're not allowed to know your heritage, is to make us all feel equal. You may be the Chosen One and a former slave but it doesn't change a thing. You're no more and no less than Obi-Wan, Bruck, me, Master Dooku or Master Yoda. Because, in the end, we're all only servants of the Force."
Anakin was silent for some time. "That sounds good," he said thoughtfully and leant his head lightly against Qui-Gon's shoulder. "I was taught different things in the Temple - about attachment, that is. But I think I understand what you mean to say. I don't know if I'll be able to accept it that we're all only servants of the Force and that it doesn't matter where we come from. But I know it's right and... I'll do my best to learn and accept it."
"I'm sure you will do fine," Qui-Gon said affectionately.
"So this means I can still be a Jedi?" Anakin asked uncertainly.
"Yes. I spoke to Master Yoda and he thought you could overcome your anger."
"Why did I do it, Master?" Anakin asked and he sounded really desperate. "I don't want to kill him. I don't want to be a murderer. Why did I do it? Why did I feel like that?" Anakin looked up at him as if he had all the answers of the galaxy. But Qui-Gon did not have an answer to that. The truth was: Anakin's words touched his own deepest fears. "I always thought I could control it," Anakin continued. "I was always good at it, you know? Back in the Temple, I could always control my anger and my fear. I thought the – the dark side couldn't touch me. I'm the Chosen One, I'm not supposed to have dark side traits!" Agitated, Anakin wrung his hands in his lap.
"Didn't you just listen to what I said?" Qui-Gon chided him gently. "You're still human and just because you were chosen by the Force, you're not simply above human traits such as fear and anger. Maybe it is actually wise to fear one's anger and the dark side."
"But Master Yoda always says: Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate –"
"And Master Yoda was also sure you could overcome your anger. And if Master Yoda say so, we should trust in his wisdom, shouldn't we?"
"Hm. You're not someone who's known for trusting in the Council's wisdom," Anakin challenged him.
"Well, I just sometimes don't follow their orders. I trust in their wisdom but..."
"But?"
"A Jedi's allegiance is not to the Council, an institution, but to the Force itself. It is most important to follow the will of the Force."
"So you mean to say that the Council don't always follow the will of the Force?" Anakin asked suspiciously.
"They'd never ignore the will of the Force on purpose. Of course they try to follow the will of the Force. But sometimes, when I'm on a planet in the Outer Rim and they are in their Council Chambers on Coruscant... Then I wonder: How can they know what the Force tells me? Often they insist that I keep to the rules when they don't know what the situation is like on that faraway planet."
"Okay..." Anakin sighed. His mind seemed to be on other things. "I wonder what I can do about Obi-Wan... I fear he won't accept a simple apology."
"You certainly can't blame him for that. Patience, my young Padawan. Time heals all wounds. In a few years, both of you will have forgotten about it. Or it will be nothing but a stupid fight about unimportant things."
"I don't know," Anakin said doubtfully. "But on this mission, we need to work together."
"No, we're leaving tomorrow."
"Why?" Anakin asked anxiously.
"Two Jedi can handle the situation here alone. You and Obi-Wan didn't have much to do, anyway. So Obi-Wan can be more involved in the mission and we can go to Tatooine."
"To Tatooine?" Anakin repeated incredulously.
"Yes. I thought you wanted to meet your mother?" The idea had suddenly occurred to Qui-Gon. He knew the Council would not approve of it but, as he had just explained to his Padawan, it was more important to listen to the will of the Force than to the Council. Going to Tatooine seemed the right thing to do.
Ooooooo
Obi-Wan lay awake the whole night, staring at the ring, which his Master had given him and which was to teach him to defeat the darkness within himself. He gazed at the bluish glow, willing it to go away. But it did not work.