Obi-Wan was standing two steps behind Anakin, like a Padawan would stand behind a Master. In his mind, he played several scenarios how he spoke his mind to that arrogant Master-General-Hero-With-No-Fear-Invincible-Saviour-Skywalker, just walked off and went on the search for Master Dooku. A ridiculous idea, of course. The galaxy was too big to simply scour it. And, of course, he was not allowed to disobey direct rules from a Council member. But, at least in his mind, Obi-Wan could insult Master Skywalker, wipe that serene expression from his face, annoy him, hurt him and eventually prove just how weak that Master was.
"General Skywalker." An ARC soldier saluted to Anakin. "The troops are ready to leave."
"Very good, Commander Cody," Anakin replied. "I'm glad we work together on this mission again," he said pleasantly.
"So am I, Sir," the clone called Cody said, pleased. "It's always an honour to my troop and me to serve the Republic under your command."
Anakin accepted the compliment with a curt nod. "Tell your men to board," he ordered. "As soon as we have made the jump to hyperspace, I would like to discuss the tactics for the battle with you. Are Betto and Yan still in your unit?"
"Yes, Sir. Shall I bring them too?"
"Yes, thank you."
It was so typical of Anakin to be so polite to even clones. Knowing all their names instead of calling them by numbers, saying 'thank you'... On Obi-Wan's missions with Master Dooku, the tone in which was spoken to the clones used to be very different: 'Come to the tactical room as soon as we have made the jump to hyperspace, A1-07. Bring some men with you who have good knowledge in tactical matters.' Obi-Wan preferred Dooku's direct tone, even though it was probably because he was determined to find fault in perfect-Anakin.
When they had made the jump to hyperspace, it was time for the tactical briefing. Anakin turned to Obi-Wan, silently asking him if he would like to come too. Obi-Wan glared back at him. Don't you dare to suggest that I'm allowed to join you. Anakin seemed to take the hint and left without another word. Obi-Wan did not want to be reliant on Anakin's mercy. If the Council thought he was so incapable, there was no need for him to disturb important tactical briefings, he told himself grimly. He was going to prove to them how wrong they were, to all of them but especially to Anakin.
The next days before the battle passed much like that. Anakin was always busy, meeting important people, leading tactical discussions, taking part in Council sessions via hologram, training with the clone soldiers... while Obi-Wan was sitting around uselessly. He did not see much of Anakin. They did not speak much. Anakin was mostly polite or even friendly towards him, very Jedi-like, and fortunately he had stopped calling Obi-Wan 'Padawan Kenobi'. However, Obi-Wan wasn't sure if he was allowed to stop calling Anakin 'Master Skywalker' as well. He certainly did not want to ask for allowance and so he continued bowing and addressing him as 'Master' (of course he tried to avoid it as much as possible). Sometimes Anakin asked him to do some minor jobs and Obi-Wan did them conscientiously and without complaint. It was bearable, after all. The many hours Obi-Wan had on his own when he had nothing to do, he meditated or practised his lightsaber skills (always careful that Anakin could not watch him because he would offer to train together). Obi-Wan tried not to think of his Master. He liked to pretend this was all normal and Dooku was on a difficult mission again where Obi-Wan was not allowed to join him.
The morning before the battle, Anakin briefly instructed Obi-Wan, who would stay in the camp they had set up on Praesitlyn, what to do in an emergency case.
"We're leaving in a minute. Thirty soldiers will stay here and guard the camp. In case you're attacked, here's an evacuation plan." Anakin handed him a disc with the information. "You'll have to lead the evacuation. Is that alright?"
"That's not a problem," Obi-Wan said, checking the evacuation plan on his datapad.
"Contact the Council if there's something unexpected. Don't contact me because the Separatist armies could trace our connection and thus track us down. We should be back sometime this evening. If we are not back after three days, you may try to contact me. If you cannot contact me... well, contact the Council and ask what you should do."
"Okay."
"Well, that's it. May the Force be with you."
"May the Force be with you." With a sense of foreboding, Obi-Wan watched Anakin leave. If we are not back after three days, you may try to contact me. If you cannot contact me... well, contact the Council and ask what you should do. Obi-Wan did not like the sound of that. What if Anakin did not come back? Would he be missing in action for months and then be declared dead too, just like Dooku? And everything happened while Obi-Wan stayed helplessly behind...
But the first day went very well. Anakin and the clone soldiers returned late at night. They had won the first battle, a spaceship battle in Praesitlyn's orbit, without many casualties on their side. There were more tactical briefings, Anakin wrote battle reports the whole night, and the next morning they left again, this time for a battle on the ground.
During the day, wounded soldiers returned to the camp, some were brought in by their companions, some staggered in alone. For some, help was too late. Too many wounded came, and the military medcenter was filled with fatally wounded soldiers by evening when everyone returned to spend the night in the camp. Or, at least, almost everyone. One unit was still out. Anakin still had not come back.
Obi-Wan asked if he could be of assistance in the military medcenter. They were grateful for every help they could get, especially help from a Jedi. And though Obi-Wan was not one of the greatest Jedi healers, he could do things the clone surgeons could not do. The work distracted him from his worries. Everything was fine as long as he had something to do. Working hard meant he did not have to think so much. He was useful here, he had to save lives. He talked to the soldiers, distracting them from their pain, encouraging them, explaining to them how the Jedi used the body's self-healing powers... And of course he asked them how things had gone today.
Obi-Wan moved on to the next cot where a soldier lay whose right leg was torn to shreds in a very ugly way. At first, Obi-Wan injected him some painkillers. "The painkillers will work in a few seconds," he told the man, who was groaning in agony. "What's your name?"
"Commander, argh, Sulli."
"So, tell me, is this your first mission as a commander?" Obi-Wan asked while he carefully removed the rest of Sulli's trousers from the rest of the leg.
"Oaaaaa!" he groaned and squirmed in pain. "O-Of course it's not my first mission."
"Just keep on talking, it helps forget the pain for the moment," Obi-Wan told him. "On which other planets did you fight?"
Sulli's face contracted in pain and concentration when he continued. "Geonosis, of course. And Kamino, Melida/Daan, Thule..."
"I see." Obi-Wan placed a hand on Sulli's chest and sent the Force through his body. "Try to relax. Accept the pain. Don't fight it. I have to spray disinfectant in the wounds now, that's going to hurt. Relax, relax," Obi-Wan told him again. "It's always the same, every time I mention the word 'disinfectant' everyone gets cramped, no matter how much I tell them to relax."
Sulli forced a grin. "It's a bad word."
"I guess it is. Were your other missions successful?"
"Aaaaah!"
That had been the disinfectant. "It's over now," Obi-Wan told him gently and sent the Force in calming waves through his body. "You must accept the pain. Accept the Force, and then I can help you."
"How –?"
"Don't fight it back. You must see your body as a whole."
"A-Alright."
"You're doing well," Obi-Wan complimented him, and soon the combined effort of the painkillers and the Force were beginning to take effect, and Obi-Wan could finally start treating the leg.
"I've worked under General Skywalker's command several times before, so, yes, my missions were successful," Sulli said, not bothering about his leg anymore.
"Do you, by any chance, know if General Skywalker has already returned or what happened to him?"
"The last time I saw him, he went with a handful of brave men right into the Intergalactic Communications Centre. We were trying to get in there for the whole day but, if you ask me, it's impossible. So General Skywalker decided the only chance to invade it was if only a few people did it. It's suicidal. What can six people do against such battle machinery? He allowed us to go and asked if there were any volunteers who were ready to accompany him. I would have come with him had it not been for my leg." Sulli gave his leg a dark look as if it was its fault.
"So you think there's no chance of survival?" Obi-Wan asked. His hands, which wrapped a bandage around Sulli's upper leg, were suddenly shaking and he needed to pause for a moment.
"Well, maybe there's the tiniest glimmer of hope and if anyone at all can do it, it's definitely General Skywalker. But I'm not so sure of that. He's becoming reckless."
"Reckless? What do you mean by that?"
"I don't mean to criticise General Skywalker," Sulli said quickly. "He is the greatest warrior I've ever met and he's an intelligent leader and a responsible general. I – as everyone else – hold him in high respect. But sometimes – and contradict me if I'm mistaken, I'm only a simple soldier and you, as a Jedi, have certainly more insight into this – sometimes he is reckless with his own life."
"Is he?" Obi-Wan was already finished with treating Sulli's injuries but he stayed nevertheless.
"I think this war doesn't do him good. He's too young. Sometimes it's almost like..."
"Like what?"
Sulli shrugged apologetically. "Like he's seeking death. He goes on and on and on, never resting, always the first one to attack, always the last one to retreat, always doing the most dangerous things on his own."
"That's his duty as a general, isn't it?" Obi-Wan reasoned, a tad relieved. He had heard that before. Of course, Anakin was the first one to attack, the last one to retreat, the one who did the dangerous things on his own. Because he was so good, because he was a hero – the Hero With No Fear, the Lone Warrior, the Invincible Saviour or whatever else they called him now.
Obi-Wan stayed in the medcenter for the rest of the night. When the sun rose in the early morning hours and all the patients had been cared for and most of them were sleeping now, he went outside and checked the horizon. But far and wide no one was to be seen. He went to look in the tent he and Anakin shared. Maybe Anakin had already returned without anyone noticing.
But the tent was empty. There was nothing else Obi-Wan could do, so he lay down on his bedroll and, exhausted as he was, he fell asleep very quickly.
He woke up around midday. The first thing he did was going to the medcenter. Two more warriors had died of their injuries. Anakin still had not returned. Obi-Wan went back to his tent and ate a little bit. His gaze rested on his comlink. Anakin had told him not to contact him before three days had passed. So far, it had been only two days…
Obi-Wan did some stretching exercises. Meditation did not go very well. In the evening, Commander Cody returned with his troop, who had fought on another battlefield. There were many wounded again and so Obi-Wan helped in the medcenter again, focussing on the Here and Now.
It was far beyond midnight when Anakin finally returned. Carrying an unconscious clone soldier on his shoulders, he staggered into the medcenter. Obi-Wan hurried towards him immediately.
"Help me with him," Anakin panted. "I think he has internal injuries. He was crushed under a droid tank. He's been unconscious for hours."
Obi-Wan and a clone surgeon relieved Anakin from his burden and carefully laid the injured man down. The surgeon scanned him, and then said, "We have to operate quickly if we want to save his life." Immediately, other clones hurried towards him and started the surgery.
Obi-Wan turned to look at Anakin. He looked terrible, full of dust and blood, his clothes torn and singed. "Are you alright?" Obi-Wan asked, concerned. Anakin nodded weakly. "Were you successful?" Obi-Wan inquired.
"We managed to disrupt their communication, so if you want to call that successful – yes, we were."
"The others died?"
Anakin only nodded again. "Has Commander Cody already returned?"
"Yes, he came back several hours ago," Obi-Wan informed him. "He could fight the Separatist army back but many were injured. Well, you see it." He indicated the full medcenter.
"How many died?"
"28. But there are still some more of whom... I doubt they can make it."
Anakin nodded gravely. "The funeral will take place tomorrow at sunrise. How's Commander Sulli?"
"Better. But he won't be able to fight again in the near future."
"Where is he? I'd like to see him."
"On the left, over there."
Anakin went over to Commander Sulli to talk a little bit to him. Obi-Wan watched the surgeons treat the man Anakin had brought back. "That doesn't work," one of the surgeons muttered. He turned to look at Obi-Wan. "We need your help," he said urgently.
"What is it?" Obi-Wan immediately joined them at the operating table.
"His body repels the anti-blood-clotting medicament. He'll be dead in a few minutes if his brain isn't supplied with new oxygen. You have to make his body accept the medicament. You did it before."
Obi-Wan approached the operating table and tried to manipulate the injured man's mind. Yes, he had done it before. But that had been with someone who had had a bleeding in his stomach and who had been conscious – not someone whose whole body had been crushed and who had been unconscious for hours. All Obi-Wan could do now was delay the inevitable end. He could make the man stop repelling the anti-blood-clotting medicament – but he could not make his body accept the medicament's help. And it was hard work. Obi-Wan would not be able to hold on much longer. "I can't do this," he muttered, his forehead wet with beads of sweat from the effort.
"Alright," the head of department said. "Then we will not make him suffer any longer. Switch off the devices."
"No." It was Anakin. He had just finished his conversation with Sulli and hurried to the operating table now too. "Don't give up yet," he said urgently. "Please, hold on just one more moment, Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan squeezed his eyes shut and concentrated anew. He felt Anakin's Force joining his. It made him feel a tad ashamed that Anakin's Force abilities were so much stronger than Obi-Wan's even after two days of fighting to exhaustion. Soon they (or rather: Anakin) had made the body accept the medicament. In the Force, Obi-Wan could feel how the man's mind was slowly drifting back to consciousness. Not consciousness of the body yet – it would take much time for him to wake up... if he woke up at all – but at least his mind did not feel as numb anymore as before.
"He will never be able to fight again," one of the surgeons said grimly. "He's not worth the effort."
"He gave his wellbeing or even his life for this mission!" Anakin said fiercely. "He definitely is worth the effort."
"I'm sorry, General Skywalker, but that's something you Jedi just don't understand," the surgeon argued. "We would rather die than live the rest of our life as a useless cripple who hinders other people. We were produced to fight and a life without fighting is not a worthy life."
Anakin nodded briefly and made to leave. "Keep him alive by all means. That's an order. Goodnight."
Obi-Wan walked back with Anakin to their tent. "A life without fighting is not a worthy life," Anakin repeated darkly. "How can they fight for peace if they think like that?"
"They have been trained for fight all their lives," Obi-Wan reasoned. "Such cruel indoctrination... They don't know anything else."
"And what about us? Do we believe in what we do because it is right or is it just the Jedi indoctrination?"
"What do you mean?" Obi-Wan asked, slightly confused.
"Well, it's pretty much the same with us, isn't it? We've never known anything else but the Jedi teachings. What if we're doing the wrong thing? What if we aren't the good ones? Maybe the other side thinks just the same as we do. They think they are the good ones. Maybe they are. Who can know that for sure?"
"How can it be right to just invade planets and impose laws upon them without their agreement?"
"That sounds like the things they taught us in intergalactic politics. What if you have to force happiness upon people?"
"Forcing someone to do something is never good," Obi-Wan stated firmly.
"And what did we just do?" Anakin asked softly. "Didn't we force that soldier to survive even though, maybe, he would have preferred death?"
"That comparison is absurd!" Obi-Wan said, feeling more and more uneasy by Anakin's talk.
"I don't like that comparison either," Anakin muttered.
"You had a bad day, didn't you?" Obi-Wan asked sympathetically. He was sure that was the reason for Anakin's strange mood.
"No, I enjoyed it, what did you expect?" Anakin retorted cynically.
Obi-Wan did not really know what to say to this, so he kept quiet until they arrived in their tent. While Obi-Wan took off his boots and crawled under his blanket, Anakin switched on his datapad and sent a message to Commander Cody.
"Cody, I'd like to discuss with you what we have achieved so far and our plans for the next days tomorrow, erm, this morning, at 4am. At sunrise, there will be the funeral for the dead soldiers. Please tell your men to be there in time. Afterwards, we'll quickly instruct everyone and then we'll attack the Separatist base. How we're going to do this, well, that will be discussed in the morning. Anything important that cannot wait until then?" The hologram of Cody negated. "Goodnight and rest a bit. See you later," Anakin said. He cut the connection and slumped back in his chair. Then he got himself some protein bars, mineral drops and vitamin drinks and started writing something on his datapad.
Obi-Wan's eyes fell shut again and again. After about half an hour, he cleared his throat and asked, "Erm, Master Skywalker, you said you'd meet Commander Cody at 4am. That's in less than two hours. When exactly do you intend to sleep?"
"I'm going to do some meditation later," Anakin said absent-mindedly. "Does it bother you if the light is still on? I'll go outside to meditate, I just have to finish these mission reports."
"Mission reports? Forgive me for asking, but couldn't that wait until another day?"
"Which other day? There will be new missions and I'll forget the details. The Temple needs exact information. It could be vital for other battles. Right now, I'm just taking down notes. I'm going to rewrite it at the end of the mission."
"Okay, I understand that but... Well, tomorrow you're going to battle again, and wouldn't it help everyone much more if you rested a few hours and renewed your energies instead of writing mission reports?"
At last, Anakin turned to look at Obi-Wan. "Trust me, Obi-Wan, this is not my first battle. I'm a Master and a General, so I should have some experience on how to do this, right?"
Obi-Wan blushed a little bit. "Of course. Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb your work."
"That's alright. Sleep well."
But Obi-Wan needed some time to fall asleep. He could not help but feel a bit guilty that he was allowed to rest while Anakin had to work throughout the night and fight in battles for days. Obi-Wan thought that all the young boys and girls who wanted to become a Jedi-hero like Anakin should know about this other side of being a hero too, and rethink their dreams for their future. And Obi-Wan had to admit to himself that he, too, should rethink the image he had of Anakin. Maybe this was why Anakin was a hero. Because he could work day and night, always fighting, never resting, never being weak. Maybe it was here where the others failed. Maybe Anakin deserved the fame and appreciation he got.
ooooooo
Obi-Wan felt as if he had just fallen asleep when a shrill alarm woke him up. It was still pitch-dark.
"Sorry," he heard Anakin's muffled voice in the dark. "Just sleep on. I'll set the alarm so it will wake you up for the funeral. See you."
Two hours later, when the alarm clock rang again, Obi-Wan still felt like a heap of mud. But he could not skip the funeral, that would have been highly disrespectful. Grabbing his cloak, he went outside and let his gaze wander over the deserted plains. The sun had not risen yet and the last stars could still be seen at the slowly brightening sky. Everything was eerily calm.
Slowly, he wandered through the tents to the little hill at the end of the camp, where the clones had already gathered. Six of them were digging a long grave, which was almost finished now. Next to it lay the thirty fallen soldiers in a row. Their bodies had been hastily wrapped into dirty blankets.
In the early morning hours, it was still chilly in the deserts of Praesitlyn. Obi-Wan pulled his cloak tighter around his body and stepped into the circle of clones who stood in silence around the grave. When the last soldiers had arrived, the ceremony began. It was a very simple ceremony. The clone troopers thought practical. There was no need and no time in war to have a pompous funeral.
A dozen of soldiers stepped forward and laid the deceased into the grave. Obi-Wan had been at a clone trooper funeral before but the other times he had not experienced such a feeling of melancholy. He could not explain what it was. It was a helpless feeling of loneliness but, at the same time, the words which Commander Cody spoke, after everyone had thrown a handful of earth into the grave, were oddly soothing.
"From the water you are born. In fire you die. Your bodies seed the stars."
The clone troopers standing around answered him in grave voices, "We seed the stars."
Obi-Wan found himself echoing them in a low whisper, "We seed the stars." He caught Anakin's eye who was standing next to him. Obi-Wan wondered if Anakin thought the same things he did. We are so much like them. We don't have a family either. We belong to nowhere. None of us are important. We only live for the Force we serve.
Obi-Wan's gaze drifted to the horizon where the sun rose behind the mountains in the distance. He stayed a little longer until the first sunrays reached the little hill. He absent-mindedly helped some clones fill the grave up with earth. Whom of them will I see tomorrow again? Whom will I bury then? Or will it be me who will be buried? Or Anakin? What if there's never a tomorrow for any of us?
When the sunlight crept down the little hill andbathed the grey-brown plains in a soft light, the troops took up position in order to march off. And now we part again, Obi-Wan thought when he watched the great numbers of white armoured men salute simultaneously to their general.
Obi-Wan could not go on worrying forever. No one could worry continuously. So he would have to do what the Jedi taught: let go, accept, do one's duty. His heart heavy, Obi-Wan bid Anakin farewell. And he was alone again. No Master, no friends... Dooku had taught him once that being a Jedi meant being alone. Are you teaching me a lesson now, Master? Obi-Wan wondered sadly.