The next day did not go as smoothly as the last. Obi-Wan was the first one to wake up because Anakin mostly used his free time for sleeping. Obi-Wan went outside to do his morning exercise – some meditation and lightsaber practise. When he returned to their tent an hour later, he heard Anakin talking to someone. Undecidedly, Obi-Wan approached the tent. Normally, he would just go inside. Anakin was probably only talking to his commanders, instructing them for the upcoming battle, discussing tactics… Nevertheless, Obi-Wan hesitated. Careful not to make a noise, he put his ear against the side of the tent.
"It's a shame they already sent you on a new mission again, Anakin," said the person who was talking to Anakin. The voice, a male voice, was faintly familiar to Obi-Wan but he could not identify it yet. "As much as I know you are a good warrior… one of the best warriors… what the Council does to you is inhuman. I must say I'm worried about the Jedi Order. When have they ceased to care for individuals? Forgive me for saying it, but I'm afraid the Jedi are more interested in politics and wars than in their sacred principles nowadays."
"I guess the war affects everyone," Anakin said vaguely.
"Yes, yes, unfortunately… Listen, Anakin, if you want, I can speak to the Council and convince them to allow you to discontinue that mission and come back to Coruscant."
"That's a very generous offer of you, Chancellor, but I have to finish this mission and hopefully I will come back to Coruscant afterwards."
So Anakin was speaking to Chancellor Palpatine… Obi-Wan's heart sank. Another one of the Council's suspicions had already proven to be true. From what he heard, it sounded much like the Chancellor tried to influence Anakin and thus infiltrate the Council. Did Anakin not notice or… Obi-Wan gulped. Or were there other motives behind his actions? Did Anakin seek to increase his own power? No, that was something a Jedi would never do and Anakin was a Jedi through and through… Wasn't he?!
"My boy, I can see you are not well," Chancellor Palpatine said kindly to Anakin. He seemed genuinely concerned. "Someone else can do that mission on Senali. I'm really worried about your well-being – both physical and mental."
"Thank you for your concern, Chancellor," Anakin replied politely, "but I'm fine, really. Besides, Obi-Wan accompanies me on this mission and he's a great help to me. So I guess this mission will not be as exhausting as others."
"Who is that Obi-Wan that accompanies you? Another Jedi?"
"Yes. We trained together in the Temple as young boys. I haven't seen him for a very long time. But it's good to have someone around. I guess he is the closest thing I have to a friend."
Obi-Wan's heart clenched painfully at that. What am I doing here? he sadly asked himself. I'm spying on the person I love. Spying… Loving… Things a Jedi shouldn't do. I should stop now. I should go away. But he did not go away. With an odd mix of dread and fascination, he stayed to eavesdrop on the conversation.
"Ah, you mean Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Jedi who killed the Sith on Naboo?" Palpatine asked.
"Yes, that's him."
"He was Dooku's apprentice, wasn't he?"
"Yes."
"Poor boy… That's so tragic, all the young apprentices who lose their Masters in this horrible war," Palpatine sighed, his voice sounding tired from worry.
"Obi-Wan believes Dooku is still alive," Anakin said cautiously.
"Excuse me? What gives him that idea?" Palpatine said, obviously confused. "I'm sorry to say so, but Dooku has already been missing in action for almost four months. Or did he contact his Padawan somehow?"
"I don't really know but Obi-Wan said he felt something in the Force. You know, a Master and a Padawan share a bond in the Force, through which they can feel each other's presence and sometimes even emotions," Anakin explained.
"Forgive me, my boy, but I do not have much knowledge in the Force and the Jedi's practices. Of course I would be more than glad if Dooku had somehow miraculously survived. Dooku was one of our best Generals…" It was obvious from his tone that he doubted there was a chance that Dooku was still among the living.
"Couldn't you send a new search party for Dooku?" Anakin asked hopefully.
"We do not have many clones left to spare… However…" The Chancellor contemplated it for a while. "Do you really think there could still be hope? As a general you know very well that such a decision to send new troops cannot be made in haste. Every decision brings so much responsibility… That's why I ask you, Anakin, as a general and one of the greatest Jedi: Do you think it would be wise to continue the search for Dooku? I trust your judgement on this."
"Hm…" Anakin remained silent for a while. Obi-Wan strained his ears to take in every little sound. His heart raced in his chest. "Yes, please send a new search party," Anakin finally said quietly.
"I'll see what I can do," the Chancellor agreed. "I fear it will be difficult to convince the Jedi of this. Such a desperate search would certainly go against the Jedi principle of acceptance."
"There are other Jedi principles. Such as following the will of the Force…"
"And in case Dooku is really still alive, what will happen to you then?"
"Erm, excuse me, Chancellor, I don't quite follow you," Anakin said politely though a bit confused.
"If I got that right you got Dooku's place on the Council. If he returns, will you be dismissed from the Council?"
"I did not think about it yet. But yes, that will probably happen," Anakin said noncommittally.
"I suppose you wouldn't mind if you were not on the Council anymore, would you?" Palpatine said understandingly. "With all the other duties you have you are certainly busy enough."
"I will do what I must," Anakin said firmly. "If the Republic or the Jedi Order need me, I will do my duty."
Palpatine sighed sadly. "I just wish everyone was like you. Neither in the Republic nor in the Jedi Order is much sense of honour left."
"I'm sure every Jedi does their duty," Anakin said somewhat stiffly.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Anakin, I didn't mean to offend you," Palpatine apologised quickly. "I know how much the Jedi mean to you," he said and almost sounded affectionate. "I'm sure they are like family to you."
Anakin did not answer to that. And his so-called family is suspecting him and spying on him, Obi-Wan thought guiltily. What kind of a family is that?
After that, the Chancellor excused himself because he had to attend a political meeting now. Feeling sick and dirty for what he had done, Obi-Wan wanted to leave quickly but just then he heard another voice, a female voice this time. Against his better judgement, he stayed.
"Hello Anakin," the person said.
"Padmé!" Anakin exclaimed. His voice sounded suddenly so much more enthusiastic than when he had spoken to the Chancellor. In fact, he sounded happier and younger. "How are you?"
"Anakin, I need to speak to you because of you-know-what. Is there anyone nearby who could hear us now?"
"Wait a moment…," Anakin said and for a moment there was silence in the tent. Obi-Wan held his breath. "I think Obi-Wan is somewhere near," Anakin said quietly. "I feel his presence… I'll check quickly if he's here. I'll be back in a minute."
Obi-Wan did not need another word. Very, very quickly and very, very quietly, he sneaked away. He wandered off to the seashore and sat down in the wet sand. He felt dirty and disgusted by his own actions. He hated himself because he started doubting and suspecting Anakin. And yet, these suspicions were very obviously justified. Still… did any of that justify spying? Gloomily, Obi-Wan glared at the windswept sea.
If the Council had never asked him to do this dirty work, he would never have found out about…things. He would have been able to go on living like before. Ignorance could be a blessing. But the truth was and would always stay…the truth.
Tiredly, Obi-Wan got up and went to contact the Council and report to them what he had just witnessed. Anakin, what have you gotten yourself into? he wondered sadly. But when he sat in front of the comm console, he could not bring himself to speak to the Council. He could not do it, he just could not do it. He would wait and gather more information. No, he would simply ask Anakin. He would confront him and ask him directly. He could not go on like this any longer, it tore him to pieces inwardly. Sure, simply ask him…That's going to be fun. Like "Hi Anakin, I've been spying on you for the last days. I need some information if you're a criminal. Could you help me?"
ooooooo
Their sparring match in the afternoon went well enough again but afterwards... It all started with Anakin saying after the match, "I love training duels. It's just fun, you know? Of course you pretend it's important to win and it is important in a certain way but you would never hurt your sparring partner purposefully, would you? In a training duel, you can always stop."
They lay next to each other in the sand. Obi-Wan was still recovering his breath from the duel, Anakin lay flat on his stomach and was drawing circles in the sand with his fingers. Obi-Wan remembered what Kit Fisto had told him: He was exhausted from a long battle and he did not heed his words. You must use such situations, they can tell you much about him. Now was probably such a situation. Anakin was still slightly exhausted from their training match and maybe that would make him give something away more freely. Obi-Wan hated what he had to do but it was his duty to the Jedi Order. He could not avoid it.
"Do you think there is a way to stop this war?" he asked.
"I'm not sure if it's still possible. There are some senators who have not given up hope yet. They want to stop the fighting and let diplomacy resume. But you know what it's like with the Senate."
"They debate, debate, debate, and in the end they decide to discuss it in a committee," Obi-Wan said. Both of them were influenced by their Masters, who had shared a critical attitude towards politicians.
"Yes, but still..." Anakin argued. "I would prefer debates to violence."
"Senator Amidala is one of the senators who demand that, isn't she?" Obi-Wan said pretended offhandedly.
"Yes, she's very pacifist," Anakin agreed.
"Have you spoken to her about it?" Obi-Wan prodded.
"A few times," Anakin said and turned to look at Obi-Wan. "Why are you asking?"
Obi-Wan sat up so he could avoid Anakin's eyes. "Well, some of the things you said sounded much like the stuff she said in her last address to the Senate."
"Ah. What is so unusual about it? I think it would be good if more people shared her opinions. She is a very intelligent and strong woman and a good politician. I admire her."
Obi-Wan was growing more and more uneasy. That sounded much like Anakin had an attachment towards her. He really did not want to meddle in Anakin's personal affairs. And a little part of him was jealous that Anakin was maybe in love with Senator Amidala. "Why do you admire her?"
"Because she still believes so firmly in... well, in everything. Peace, democracy, freedom, justice... It's difficult to keep your belief in it when you see war and injustice becoming routine nowadays."
"Yes, that's true... And you? What do you believe in?" Obi-Wan asked directly.
"I don't know what to believe in anymore," Anakin muttered.
Obi-Wan swallowed. "I don't know what to believe in anymore either," he said very quietly.
Anakin now sat up too so he could look Obi-Wan in the eye. "They asked you to spy on me, didn't they?"
Obi-Wan winced in shock and quickly looked away. How had Anakin found out? How could he state it so calmly? And how could Obi-Wan ever justify himself for what he had done? He blinked away a few unshed tears. "I don't know... I don't know what to say..." he said helplessly.
"I know the Council don't trust me," Anakin said still unusually calmly. "How long?"
"How long what?" Obi-Wan asked miserably.
"Well, how long have you been spying on me, of course!" Anakin replied, suddenly in a hard voice.
"Since the day we left Praesitlyn," Obi-Wan answered guiltily.
"I thought so," Anakin said grimly.
"You – you knew?" Obi-Wan said weakly.
"I'm not a complete idiot, Obi-Wan," Anakin said harshly.
Obi-Wan did not know what to say to that. He wished he had never done it. He wished he had spoken up on the Council meeting and had declared he would never do that, he would never spy on Anakin.
At last, Anakin spoke again and he was perfectly calm again, a textbook example of Jedi-self-control. "Have you found out what you wanted to know?"
"I never wanted to do that, I'm sorry, Anakin," Obi-Wan pleaded.
"I'm sure you didn't want it," Anakin said but Obi-Wan was not sure if he really meant it. "Just ask the questions you need to know."
"I... I..." Obi-Wan stuttered helplessly.
"Do they want to know about Padmé, about Senator Amidala?"
Obi-Wan nodded, staring ashamedly down at his hands. He could hardly tell Anakin that the Council had even traced his outgoing.
"Alright. Yes, I have a sort of an attachment towards her. We are friends. But they needn't worry. It could never become a strong attachment, I can hardly see her if I'm always away from Coruscant, right? I sometimes communicate with her via hologram but she's very busy as well. But speaking to her helps me. She understands. Some people probably do not realise it but I'm not a battle droid. But, there's no secret marriage, we do not have children who are hidden somewhere on an uninhabited planet..."
"I never suggested anything like that –"
Anakin interrupted him with a sharp glance. "Don't you think it's time to finally stop lying? It's pretty obvious what you suggest."
Ashamed, Obi-Wan hung his head and kept silent.
"Next point would be my mother, right?" Anakin continued businesslike. "Yes, I know her. Qui-Gon brought me to see her when I was thirteen years old. I know he got in trouble with the Council because of that but Qui-Gon was someone who had enough courage to defy the Council. He did what he thought was right." Obi-Wan bit his lip. He very well understood the sideswipe. "But I haven't seen my mother since then. You can tell the Council I miss her. I miss her very much and I often wish she was here. The Chancellor?" Obi-Wan closed his eyes and nodded weakly. "They think he wants to influence me so he gains more power within the Jedi Council, don't they? Well, I do not really know what he wants from me – maybe they are right and he wants to increase his influence. He sometimes invites me to talk to him. He tells me things I know anyway. And he tries to appeal to my pride, he butters me up, you know? He probably expects me to tell him things if he just tells me often enough what a great Jedi I am. I didn't tell him any Jedi secrets so far. At least I'm not aware of having done so. Right." Anakin took a deep breath. "Is there something else you want to know? Some point I missed?"
"Um, well..." Obi-Wan uncomfortably cleared his throat. "Actually, there is something else. Some, um, a few think, no, they fear... Anakin, they're only worried about you. They really want to help you."
Anakin grimaced. "Go on, I am curious now."
"Some fear you sympathise with the Separatists," Obi-Wan said unhappily.
"Oh, right, this is something new for a change," Anakin said cynically. "How very inventive! Great idea. I really wonder why they send me non-stop to the most important battles if they distrust me so much." He could no longer hide the bitterness from his voice. "If I were in their place, I would try to keep me under control, bind me to the Jedi Temple so they can have a closer watch on me. I would be thankful for that, Obi-Wan! I would be thankful if I was allowed to stay in the Temple for just one week! If they so much want to help me, why then can't they let me rest in the Temple for a few days, let me meditate with Master Yoda, let me take a Padawan! A Padawan would be so perfect! My Padawan could spy on me day and night and report to the Council. Oh, they're probably afraid that I manipulate the young children. Teach them the dark side, or something like that." Anakin noticed how he had let himself go and quickly strived to calm down his agitated breathing. He got up on his feet. "Well, now you can tell the Council I get easily angry on top of everything. Is there anything else you need to know before you leave?"
The words hurt but of course Obi-Wan had seen it coming. Naturally, Anakin would send him away now. Obi-Wan would be equally angry if he discovered someone had been spying on him. "I haven't told them anything yet," he said earnestly, "and I will not tell them anything."
Anakin slowly shook his head. "Go on, tell them. I have nothing to hide." He looked down at Obi-Wan. "Some of your lies were quite good and I almost believed them. But it was pretty obvious what you were doing. You still have much to learn."
"I'm glad I'm not that good at spying," Obi-Wan said quietly.
Anakin was silent for some time. "Yes, you're right," he muttered. "You're not the one who is really responsible for it."
"Anakin, please, I'm very sorry for what I did. I hate myself for doing it. I hated myself every second during the last days."
Anakin nodded without looking at him. "It's alright, Obi-Wan. They shouldn't have asked you to do something which is against the Jedi Code." His voice was tired and dull. He turned around to leave. "Go now."
Obi-Wan slowly got on his feet. "I'm sorry," he said again, helplessly staring at Anakin's retreating back.
"I accept your apology." Anakin paused and turned around to briefly look at Obi-Wan. "It's over now. You can go. Take one of the starfighters but please not one of the X-Wing class, I need those. Thanks again for your help." With that, Anakin walked away. His head was up and his gait was confident but there was still that sadness around him.