Anakin had wandered off to the seashore. He was staring at the green sea, the red light of the setting sun sparkled in the water. Some sort of tiny seagulls were flying in a flock above the waves, squawking happily and sometimes diving down to catch a fish or other food, for which the birds would quarrel loudly. Anakin followed them with his eyes. He tried to tell himself that his eyes were only burning because the soft wind was blowing the salty air into them and because he was staring right into the glowing red sunlight. He did not cry. He had not cried since Qui-Gon's death more than five years ago. Back then, he had decided to stop it. He had vowed to himself to never do it again; form an attachment.
He must not cry now.
Was it too much to ask? Couldn't he have at least just one friend in this cold universe? Did being the Chosen One mean being alone? Was it his fate?
Angrily, he used the Force to pick up a rock in his hand and vigorously threw it into the sea, where it sank down with a little plop. He called up another rock in his hand, threw it as wide as he could and used the Force to intensify its flight, so that it caused a splash which was normally too big for such a little rock. He laughed harshly at his own idiocy. A Jedi Master throwing rocks into the water because he was angry… Normally, Anakin was a very composed, very serene Jedi Master. He seldom lost his temper. But every time he did, it was Obi-Wan's fault. Okay, the thing back on their thirteenth birthday when he had almost drowned Obi-Wan had not been entirely Obi-Wan's fault. But Obi-Wan had been involved. Anakin did not know what it was about Obi-Wan but he could always make Anakin act un-Jedi-like.
"Oh. You worry too much, my dear Padawan. What gives you the idea I didn't know today was your thirteenth birthday? I just wanted to wait until I'm fully awake because I wanted to say something more intelligent... But since you insist... Happy birthday, Anakin Skywalker. It's good to have you as my Padawan. And here's your birthday present. I hope you like it. And you should learn to control your impatience."
"Thank you, Master. I'm sorry I suggested you had forgotten... It's Force-sensitive, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is. I didn't expect you to sense it so quickly. I found it when I was a little boy and I've kept it with me since then. It has always brought me luck."
"Luck? And I always thought Jedi don't believe in luck."
"Well, you could say it brought me the Force. It used to comfort me when the situation was desperate."
Anakin gave a strangled sob and sank down on his knees. His fingers flexed convulsively in the sand. He had nothing left to comfort him when the situation was desperate. Nothing but his memories. But the memories did not comfort him, quite the contrary. It were those memories which hurt so much and made him feel despair. How he whished he could just get rid of them!
"Qui-Gon…," he whispered. I miss you so much. But his Master was gone. And so was his mother. No one was there for him anymore. He pulled his knees to his chest and started humming very lowly the song which his mother had once sung to him. Sometimes it helped during the long and lonely nights after battles, when he was so tired he wanted nothing more but sleep but sleep did not come nonetheless.
He closed his eyes and tried to revive the feeling of the song… Being held protectively against a warm body which gently rocked him back and forth…a soft voice murmuring words to him, words without a meaning but the sound of them was enough to make him feel secure…a steady heartbeat, a chest heaving and falling gently…
He was so engaged in his memory that he did not notice Obi-Wan approaching until he demonstratively cleared his throat. Anakin turned to look at Obi-Wan, who nervously hovered two metres behind him. Hastily, Anakin scrambled to his feet. He must look like a lunatic… He bit back a hurt What are you still doing here?! and just kept silent instead.
"I... came to say goodbye."
Anakin nodded, a big lump in his throat. A part of him was glad Obi-Wan had come to say goodbye. It was of course the polite thing to do, but Anakin was glad he had come nonetheless. He just wanted to get it over quickly so he would not make a complete fool of himself. Both of them were silent for a long moment, neither of them knowing what to say. Twilight was falling and there were shadows on Obi-Wan's face so Anakin couldn't recognise his expression. But his posture looked somewhat defeated with his shoulders slumped and his head hanging… It reminded Anakin oddly of the twelve-year-old Jedi student who had thought he would be sent away to the Agri Corps. Back then, Anakin had thought it was their final goodbye and they would never see each other again. As it seemed, that was the case now again. But this time, Anakin had not the energy, the hope and the vitality anymore of his younger self who had simply refused to give up.
"It's getting dark," Obi-Wan finally said to break the uncomfortable silence.
Anakin felt again the bubble of bitter laughter well up in his chest. It's getting dark. Great. We could talk about the weather. What do you think? Nice sunshine for the battle tomorrow?
"You should probably go back and… you know, with the battle tomorrow…," Obi-Wan continued helplessly.
"Just what do you want to tell me, Obi-Wan?" Anakin asked wearily. "That you're sorry? Because you already said it several times." Obi-Wan did not reply anything to it. "Well…," Anakin muttered and tiredly rubbed his forehead. Now that we're going to say goodbye, let's at least get a few things sorted out. "Can I ask you a question before you leave?"
"Sure."
"Did you ever forgive me for almost drowning you? You know, on our thirteenth birthday?"
"Yes. Yes, of course," Obi-Wan replied uncertainly. "It has been a long time. I don't even think about it anymore. You helped me overcome my fear, and now it's over." Obi-Wan paused, then he made a step back as if to turn away, then he turned back again. He seemed undecided what to do. Finally, he asked, "Do you think you can ever forgive me for what I have done?"
So Obi-Wan cared for that? He needed Anakin's forgiveness? "I have already done that," Anakin reassured him. "As I said before, it's not really your fault."
"But when will you stop being angry at me?"
"I'm not angry at you. I'm only a bit... sad," Anakin admitted. "You know, I wasn't lying when I told you I was glad you were with me."
"Couldn't I stay?"
"What?" Anakin's breath caught in his chest and he tried to ban the hope from his voice.
"I'd like to stay."
"And Dooku?"
Obi-Wan smiled sadly. "I wasn't lying either when I told you I had no clue where to start looking for him. I can do nothing but be patient. I must wait. Maybe someday there will be a sign from him. I hope. Some rumours, or the Force tells me something."
"You want to stay?"
"Yes, please."
Anakin could not hold back the stupid grin that was starting to form on his face. So Obi-Wan had not been lying all the time. "Thank you," he croaked.
"Anakin, you don't always have to thank me for everything," Obi-Wan said embarrassedly.
"I think it's nice of you, so I say thank you."
"Yes, but... Couldn't we simply say we're friends, and friends help each other, that's the normal thing to do, and there's no reason to say thank you for every small favour?"
"I-I'd like that very much," Anakin said hoarsely. And as he was acting hopelessly silly anyway, he did not care about his self-control any longer, staggered forward and simply gave Obi-Wan a big hug. "Thank you," he said again. "That's –"
Obi-Wan made some disapproving noise. "I just told you not to –"
"Just shut up." Anakin chuckled softly and tightened his grip on Obi-Wan. "You said I shouldn't thank you for the little things. But this is a big thing."
"It's nothing really –"
"To me, it is a big thing."
"Alright," Obi-Wan conceded. "To me, it means very much too. Erm... Thank you."
Anakin closed his eyes and sighed in relief. At least one thing in this life seemed to go well now.
"And I wasn't lying either when I said you should rest a bit before the battle tomorrow," Obi-Wan reminded him.
Together, they walked back to their tent and settled in to sleep. Anakin's thoughts drifted to the battle which he would have to fight tomorrow. The difficult thing was that the Separatists were not really interested in Senali but in its neighbour planet Rutan, which had more high-tech industry and thus was of more value to the Separatists. At first, they pretended they only wanted to help Senali build up their economy. But it was pretty obvious their aim was Rutan and Senali was only used to infiltrate the other planet. That meant Anakin had to station some troops on Rutan and some on Senali. He did not like dividing up his troops but he did not have another choice. The Separatists planned to land on Senali tomorrow and Anakin wanted to fight them back right at the beginning. But he had included in his plans that the landing on Senali could only be a red herring.
Anakin yawned quietly. He really should sleep now. He turned on his side so he could look at Obi-Wan's sleeping figure in the darkness. A small smile grazed Anakin's lips. Obi-Wan probably had no idea just how much it meant to Anakin that he was here. How much he was helping by just being here. It was enough for Anakin to know that someone was here, that someone would be here when he came back from the battlefield and he would not be alone with the ghosts of all the fallen who continually haunted his dreams. Just hearing Obi-Wan's soft and steady breathing – so soothingly alive compared to all the death and pain which surrounded him day after day – was enough to ease Anakin's pain.
"Anakin?" Obi-Wan whispered next to him in the darkness.
"M-hmm?" Anakin had not known Obi-Wan was still awake too.
"Can I come with you tomorrow?"
Anakin sighed. He did not want Obi-Wan to come with him but he could hardly stop him. "Are you sure you want to come?"
"Yes. I know you're going to tell me how horrible the war is and that I should be glad to stay behind. But I've already fought in the Clone Wars before, maybe not in such big battles as you... I can't stay here, I feel so useless."
"I heard you helped in the medcenter. The clone troopers who were there spoke very highly of you. They were impressed by your abilities and they also thought you were quite nice."
"You only say that because you want me to stay behind."
Anakin propped himself up on his elbows and tried to look at Obi-Wan in the darkness. "Of course I want you to stay here. But not because I doubt your abilities as a warrior or pilot. The soldiers really said that, I didn't invent it to convince you. I envy you," he said honestly. "You do what a Jedi should do: You save lives. I destroy lives. Working in the medcenter is certainly not a useless task."
"Then why don't you work in the medcenter?" Obi-Wan asked pointedly.
"Good question." Anakin rolled back on his back. "I don't really know anymore why I do what I do. They send me somewhere and I do what they tell me to do." He laughed sadly. "That's not what Qui-Gon taught me. He said I must follow the will of the Force, not the will of the Council. It's just... I don't know anymore what the will of the Force and what the will of the Council is. I guess it's that prophecy-thing. Somehow it's my duty to do... whatever. I can't just back away and say, 'I've had enough of this, I want to live a quiet life'. The truth is, I do not even know what I have to do and how I have to do it. Bring balance to the Force, that's quite an abstract thing to do. And how can I bring balance? As a peacekeeper or as a warrior? I am a great Chosen One, am I not? I don't even have a clue what to do..."
"You were chosen by the Force," Obi-Wan said soothingly. "It must have had a reason. I'm sure the Force will guide you, and when the time comes, you will know what to do. You must trust the Force. And maybe... you should trust yourself a bit more as well."
In spite of himself, Anakin had to smile a little bit. Obi-Wan sounded so Jedi-Master-like. But he was right of course. And it was good he was here to tell Anakin, because otherwise he might drown in his depressing thoughts. "Obi-Wan, I cannot force you to stay here but I would be glad if you did. If I had the choice, I wouldn't fight either. I think no one has to feel bad for not fighting. Avoiding these battles is the sane thing to do. It's nothing about cowardice. I would never think less of you because you didn't take part in the battles." He searched for Obi-Wan's hand in the dark and squeezed it briefly.
"I don't want to come just because I want to prove myself," Obi-Wan said, squeezing Anakin's hand very tightly. "I'm just worried about you if you're out there, fighting in the most dangerous situations, and I have no idea when you come back. And you're always the last to come back."
"You want to come with me to protect me?" Anakin said, torn between being amused and deeply touched. "That's so sweet of you!" Next moment, he got a hard kick against his shin. "Ouch!" he cursed under his breath. "What was that for?!"
"Well, as you so badly want to stay behind but your oh-so-noble sense of duty prevents you from playing truant... A broken leg would be the perfect excuse, don't you think? I'm only trying to help."
They laughed together. It felt good. It had been a long time since Anakin had laughed for the last time. Oh yes, he could still remember the last time very well.
Anakin was balancing a stack of plates on one finger, jumped through the quarters he shared with his Master, did pirouettes which were meant to look really stupid and clumsy, when – totally unexpected – the door flew open…and slammed against his hand…the hand which was balancing the plates. Of course, Anakin had practised to do exactly that: catch all the plates with the Force when they fell down. But it was not meant to happen so abrupt and unexpected. "Whoa, sh –" He managed to catch at least one plate. The others shattered noisily on the floor.
"Padawan!"
"I'm sorry, Master," Anakin said quickly, still out of breath from his "exercises". "I'm sorry, Master, really."
"Would you care to explain why, in the name of the almighty Force, you would jump through the room like a maniac with plates in your hand?!"
"Um… I tried to do some Jar Jar Binks imitation."
Qui-Gon folded his arms over his chest. "Oh really. An interesting idea."
"Yeah, it's kind of... I thought I could cheer you up like that because certainly Queen Amidala has just brought her cause before the Council and you're angry at the politicians again. Well, and when I tried to do his walking style – you know, with his hands flying around, and dropping everything he's carrying – well, I kind of practised a stunt where I would lose all the plates and, um, of course I planned to catch them with the Force but unfortunately then you came in."
"And I disturbed your practise. I see. So it's my fault?"
"Uh… It's more like a series of unlucky events…" Anakin smiled sheepishly at his Master.
"Pssh…That was certainly some good Jar Jar Binks imitation. That comes very close to the original."
"And you could even say I managed to put off your mind from the politicians and things."
Anakin was torn between laughing and crying. Quickly, he dispelled the memories to the back of his mind where they had stayed hidden for all these years. He had become quite good at doing it, and it worked again. But no matter how good he had become at controlling his emotions – the gaping emptiness inside him remained. Maybe it was good like this, maybe he should not refill the emptiness. And yet he wanted…he needed…just for a moment…
Now that Obi-Wan and I are officially friends and not enemies or rivals anymore…would it be okay if I lay a bit closer next to him? Anakin wondered idly. He had always needed physical closeness and he was cold. Well, more so on the inside than on the outside. Would it bother Obi-Wan if they slept so close together?
Anakin decided to do it discreetly. He edged a millimetre or so closer to Obi-Wan, and waited. Obi-Wan did not show any reaction. So far, everything had gone according to plan. He waited a bit more, pretended to be tossing in sleep and scooted still closer to Obi-Wan. As they were so close, Anakin could hear that Obi-Wan's breaths were sometimes slightly uneven. Oh. So he isn't asleep yet either. Well, Obi-Wan could protest if Anakin annoyed him. Trying very hard to be unobtrusive, Anakin turned and tossed a bit more and turned his head somewhat until it rested lightly against Obi-Wan's shoulder. He heard the rustle of Obi-Wan's blanket and then an arm wrapped around Anakin's chest and pulled him closer.
Well, that was easy, Anakin thought contentedly and snuggled against Obi-Wan. They fell asleep like that, clinging to each other like two frightened younglings who had been separated from their families and brought into a big and menacing galaxy with no one else but each other to draw warmth and comfort from.
Later at night, Anakin was woken up by a loud voice. Someone was at the entrance of his tent.
"General Skywalker, wake up!"
"What is it?" Anakin was wide awake at once. That was something you learned in war: be fully alert at the slightest noise. It was your only chance of survival.
"General Skywalker, this is Commander Cody. The Separatist fleet has just made the jump out of hyperspace into Senali's orbit."
Cursing under his breath, Anakin got dressed with lightning speed. No one had expected the Separatists to arrive so early. "I'll be there in a minute. Wake everyone up, get into the ships and prepare to take off."
"Yes, Sir."
Obi-Wan had got up in the meantime too and blinked sleepily at Anakin. It seemed he had decided not to join Anakin on the battlefield. He did not show the slightest inclination to get up and dressed. Or maybe he simply was not fully awake yet. "Well, see you later," Anakin said while he quickly fastened his utility belt around his waist and shoved a protein bar into his mouth.
"Please be careful," Obi-Wan told him.
Anakin stopped in his movements. He had not expected this. He was really touched by Obi-Wan's words, especially as Obi-Wan usually was not someone to be so emotional. He was often annoyed or angry, yes, but he seldom showed someone that he cared for him. "Don't worry," Anakin replied, his mouth full of the chewy and distasteful protein bar. "I'm a good pilot."
"Then you should be extra careful."
Anakin paused at the tent's entrance for a little while. "Alright. I will be," he promised. "May the Force be with you."
"And with you too."
Then Anakin dashed off and jumped into his starfighter. Yes, he would be careful this time. He had made a promise. And he had a reason to come back. It was new that someone cared for him in that way – that someone regarded him as more than a Jedi Prodigy, the Chosen One or a battle machine. The last time someone had been so close to Anakin, it had been Qui-Gon.
ooooooo
The Army of the Republic was too late to fight the Separatists back. Most of the hostile ships had already landed on Senali. It was a senseless fight, a hopeless cause. Anakin quickly gave the signal to withdrawal. He was not someone who dealt recklessly with the lives of others. Only he and Commander Cody stayed in space. Hoping that the Separatist troops did not notice two little starfighters were still there between their huge spaceships, they tried to secretly get to the droid control ship in order to blow it up. Unfortunately, that trick had only worked during the first battles. In the course of the Clone Wars, the Separatist leaders had developed measures to better protect their crucial control ships. However, there was still a fault in their calculations: They calculated in big numbers. Many attackers meant more danger, fewer attackers meant less danger. They did not reckon with the danger coming from one single starfighter. They did not consider one single starfighter as a threat to their intimidating firepower. They chose to interpret the stories on Holonet about the Hero With No Fear as mere legends. Although many of them were, in fact, legends, this one was not: Anakin Skywalker definitely was the best space pilot in the galaxy and he did not believe in impossibility.
Anakin preferred space battles to battles on the ground. In the depths of space, everything was easier. Every move was a life or death decision. Either shoot or get shot. Either dodge the fire or explode. It was the simple question if you were fast enough, if your reflexes were fast enough. It was like a game: the colourful blaster fire, the big explosions, the nearly impossible stunts... everything was possible. It was almost like a game. There were the sounds from your comm console: an ear-splitting explosion – but never loud enough to drown your comrades' screams of fear and pain. Much worse than the screams was the silence that followed.
There was such silence now from Cody's comm. The transmission channel had died. The little starfighter's explosion had looked so small and unimportant compared to what Anakin did to the Separatist ships. Anakin was all alone now. He bit back his grief, his anger and his loneliness and focussed on the moment. He saw his goal, he saw it very clearly but there were still many ships in his way. In his mind, he quickly calculated his odds: He had modified his starfighter and it could certainly take quite some fire. But how much? Would it be enough? It had to be enough.
But even Anakin Skywalker was not invulnerable. He got pretty close but in the end he had to admit defeat. His starfighter was on fire and he could hardly navigate anymore. Some warm liquid trickled down his cheek. He had to blink very hard to get it out of his eyes. All he could do now was saving his own life. Luckily for him, the Separatists had already given up the fireball (that was his starfighter) which was racing down into the planet's atmosphere at an incredible speed. Anakin was braking, braking, braking. His ship rocked madly and spiralled further down. The engines were screaming and all the alarms were signalling danger non-stop in blinking red lights and shrill beeps. It was hard to tell where was up and where was down.
Anakin knew only one thing: He was still much too fast. So he kept braking and concentrated on the Force to manipulate his surroundings so it would hopefully slow his ship down. Finally, its speed decreased. But it lost a wing. When it hit the ground, Anakin had already opened the cockpit, and he Force-jumped out. Quickly, he dropped to the ground and buried his head under his arms. There was a loud bang!, then some hissing noises and then it was over. Carefully, Anakin lifted his head. The remaining pieces of his starfighter were spread on the ground, some still smoking. Sighing, he scrambled to his feet and checked his position on the little holomap he carried at his utility belt. He was about eleven miles away from their camp. It looked like he had to walk the whole way back by foot. Contacting them was too dangerous. He did not like that at all. Walking back took him much too long. Anything could happen in the meantime and he was not there to prevent it.
There were many things Anakin had to think about on his way back. Cody was dead, that meant he did not have any commander anymore because Commander Sulli was injured and could not fight yet again. How could he lead a successful battle without commanders? He could make some of the soldiers a commander. But they were no ARCs and thus could not think as independently as it was necessary in such a position. Of course, he could make Obi-Wan a commander. Obi-Wan should have enough experience for something like that. But that was against the rules. No Padawan was allowed to command armies. Anakin would have just ignored that rule but the real problem was that the clone soldiers would never follow the orders of an apprentice.
He could ask for more troops. But it would take them at least three days to arrive here. And, his last option, he could simply leave the planet to the Separatists. Great, he thought gloomily, that's going to establish the Council's suspicion that I'm a traitor. He would have to choose the first option and make some of the ordinary clone soldiers a commander. Already now, the war on Senali looked very grim. Anakin's thoughts kept drifting off to the time he had spent here with Qui-Gon. Everything had been fine then. Sure, there had been the conflict between Senali and Rutan but that had been something entirely different because Qui-Gon had been there. He had solved everything. He had just been there. Anakin pressed his lips together and increased his pace. Why could he not be on another planet, a planet free from painful memories?
Maybe this is a lesson. I must confront it. He had been able to cope with it during the last years. He had been strong. He had done what a Jedi should do: He had buried his grief and had gone on, concentrating on the Here and Now. And that is what I will do now. I can do it. I am a Jedi, no matter what the Council thinks of me. I will be strong.
When Anakin arrived back in the camp, night had already fallen. His feet aching from the long march, he stumbled back into their tent. Obi-Wan was already there.
"Hi, I'm back," Anakin announced himself. He pulled off his boots before entering the tent (it made him feel very embarrassed to know that Obi-Wan had pulled off his boots before and he did not want to make Obi-Wan do it again).
"You surprise me, you made it before midnight," Obi-Wan retorted.
"I would have been back hours before if I hadn't crashed somewhere in no-man's-land."
"You crashed?" Obi-Wan turned to look at Anakin, who just slumped down on the floor. "Are you al..." He trailed off. "Sithhell, Anakin, what happened to your face?" He worriedly leant forward to have a closer look.
"Why...?" Anakin carefully palpated his face with his fingers and felt dried blood on his right cheek. "Oh, that's nothing, really. Just a little scratch. I think I collided with my head against the consoles when my ship was hit. It probably looks worse than it really is."
"Don't you have bacta with you in your survival kit? Why didn't you treat the wound?"
"I forgot it. Really, I had other problems back then than a little cut."
Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "Well, that's going to become a nice big scar."
Anakin shrugged and grabbed a drinking bag, pouring it down all at once. "Who cares? I'm going to treat it tomorrow, I'm tired now."
"Is this a new way to avoid battles? You're trying to get yourself a blood poisoning?" Obi-Wan asked pointedly.
"Well, if it works..." Grinning slightly, Anakin lay down on his sleeping mat.
"Don't be stupid," Obi-Wan insisted. "Come on, let me do this. It won't take long but the wound must be treated."
Anakin groaned. "Obi-Wan, I'm –"
"You're tired, I know." Obi-Wan knelt down next to him and checked his right temple. "You can stay lying down, that's not a problem." Anakin gave up protesting, he simply closed his eyes and let Obi-Wan do what he wanted. "Did you succeed blowing up the control ship?" Obi-Wan asked while he carefully washed the blood away from Anakin's face.
"No. I got hit too often. That was too much, even for my starfighter." Anakin felt a warm presence wrap itself around his mind, telling him to relax. Already now, he could tell Obi-Wan was a much better healer than all the different clone surgeons who had treated Anakin during the last years. He had a certain way of touching the injuries – both in the Force and with his fingers.
"You got too much sand into the wound. I have to spray some disinfectant on it. That's going to hurt a bit. Try to relax, okay?"
"M-hmm." Anakin was already completely relaxed, even slightly drowsy by all the calming Force waves Obi-Wan sent into his mind. He certainly did not have to make an effort. It pinched a little bit when the disinfectant touched the raw flesh but Anakin's body was ready to accept it.
"Congratulations," Obi-Wan told him, "you're the first one who did not tense during the disinfectant treatment. I wish every patient was like you."
"I didn't really do anything," Anakin replied, enjoying the sensation of the cool bacta, which Obi-Wan now was putting on his burning wound.
"That's the point. Most people get tensed and try to block me from their mind. It's more difficult to help them like that."
"Maybe you should tell them."
"Naturally, I tell them. They just... don't believe me enough. I mean, they believe me when I tell them what to do but they do not believe me enough to do it. To do nothing."
"Well, they aren't Jedi. Maybe, when they will have known you for a longer time, they can trust you enough to do nothing."
"Hm. So tomorrow the battle starts, right?"
"Yes... There was no chance to stop them invading Senali. Commander Cody is dead."
"Oh. I didn't know that," Obi-Wan said, concerned. "I'm sorry. You knew him quite well, didn't you?"
"I'm not sure if I have ever really known him. It's difficult with the clone troopers. Sometimes you think you know them but then there's suddenly something again which makes you realise that you will never be able to fully understand them... But Cody has fought at my side on several missions." In fact, Cody had been the only constant in Anakin's life after Qui-Gon's death. They had not been very close but they had respected each other. Cody had simply always been there at his side. I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry. Keeping his eyes shut, Anakin repeated the sentence again and again in his head. "The problem is, with Commander Sulli injured, I'll need new commanders. I thought about making Betto and Karan commanders. Could you inform them?"
"Sure." They had agreed Obi-Wan would help Anakin by assuming such tasks. Anakin still felt a bit awkward about it but he could not deny that dividing the tasks like that was a great help to him.
"And tell them to meet me here tomorrow at... 5:30. No, better at 4 am."
"What about the mission report?"
"I've already recorded everything when I walked back here. I have it on a datastick."
"Okay. I'll write it into a text tomorrow. Erm, did you just say you walked back?"
"What else could I have done? My ship's junk." I will not cry. Don't think of Cody, don't think of Qui-Gon. Think of the ship. I must not cry. "I've modified it thousandth of times and I've flown it for years... and now it's junk."
Obi-Wan had already finished treating the wound at his temple but he had moved on to another little wound at Anakin's shoulder. It was nothing serious, really, and it did not necessarily have to be treated but Anakin certainly did not complain. The knowledge that someone cared for him like that made him feel warm inside. And it felt nice: The gentle touch of Obi-Wan's thumb and the warmth in the Force... It made him stay relaxed, let go of everything. He felt safe here. His memories drifted back to another mission many years ago. It had been one of his first missions as Qui-Gon's Padawan. His Master had taught him how to use the Jedi healing powers. Anakin had caught the Hesken Fever and had had a high temperature. He still remembered the feeling of Qui-Gon's pleasantly cool hand on his forehead. As Anakin had been rather small as a young boy, Qui-Gon's hand had seemed extremely big. Soothing. Protective.
"Something else happened?" Obi-Wan's soft voice brought him back to the present.
"No," Anakin said hoarsely, biting back his tears.
"You're alright?"
"Yes." I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry! Anakin opened his eyes again. "As right as you can be with the knowledge that a new battle will start tomorrow, that I have no fully qualified commanders and that I didn't succeed in fighting the Separatist fleet back today." He kept on talking and his voice got slowly back to normal. "If you want more details, you can listen to the things I recorded. I don't feel like retelling every single thing now again. That march was pretty exhausting. I'm lucky I didn't land on the other side of Senali."
"Of course. Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
Obi-Wan removed his hand from Anakin's shoulder, and the warm feeling of the Force, with which he had enwrapped Anakin during the treatment, faded. Anakin regretted the loss of contact. Another part of him, however, was relieved. If he felt cold again, it was easier to control his tears. Obi-Wan switched off the glow light and they both settled in to sleep.
"Obi-Wan?" Anakin whispered. "You're really good at that. Healing, I mean." As Obi-Wan did not want to hear a thank you, Anakin thought that was maybe a way of saying it.
"And you're good at accepting the pain," Obi-Wan replied.