Everything Wrong with Final Fantasy IX

by NC1234567

Final Fantasy IX: "The best Final Fantasy ever!" or an overrated and overhyped game with a poorly done love story? This play by commentary will show. Complete.

2. Chapter 2: Evil Forest

Chapter 2: Disk 1.2 - Evil Forest

First thing to say, "EVIL Forest"? Real subtle name there and not at all cheesy and childish. "WOOOOOOOOOO… SPOOOOOOKKKKKKYYYYY".

*Edit: Okay, it turns out this part is more the fault of the English translators as the original Japanese title was "Lost Forest".*

[FMV. Zidane gets up in the middle of a forest, as the wind howls. He steps forward and sees the crashed Theater Ship]

Skipping most of this scene.

[A moogle floats over to Zidane]

"ATE, kupo!"

"Active Time Event is a system that lets you see other events that are happening at the same time elsewhere, kupo!"

"Press the SELECT button when you see the icon flashing below."

"You can press the button anytime while the icon is flashing."

"Try pressing SELECT, kupo!"

The ATE is a great idea in itself, but it's a pity that the local characters suck, and the scenes with their participation are extremely empty. I will be explaining this in more detail when the later ATE's happen, but for now:

Skipping the "Forest Keeper" ATE.

[The screen returns to Zidane, who enters the next screen, as the words "EVIL FOREST" present themselves on the screen. He runs to where Vivi and Garnet were attacked by the monster]

Vivi

"Sh-She's in trouble..."

Zidane

"...What the hell is that?"

[Zidane runs forward to see the monster, holding Garnet within itself, and Steiner in front of it]

Steiner

"Release the princess at once!"

Zidane

"Yeah, like it's gonna really listen to you."

"Come on!"

Zidane would be excellent at "Everything Wrong with Final Fantasy IX".

[Battle: Zidane and Steiner vs. the creature holding Garnet prisoner. The battle starts with Zidane going into Trance mode, leading to a reaction from Steiner]

Steiner

"Wh-what is that light!?"

Zidane

"I don't know.

Somehow, it raises my power."

Steiner

"Could it really be Trance…!?

I've heard of it before!

Trance is induced by a surge of emotion.

Alright, let's take him!"

First problem first, Trance and it's gameplay execution, it's IX's version of limit breaks, like from VII and VIII, or X's Overdrives, the problem with them, though, is unlike the Limit Breaks or Overdrives, you can't save up on them for anything when the meter for Trance is full because Trance triggers automatically, meaning you can't properly strategize with it (not that IX is that difficult or challenging, especially due to how the HP cap is so much lower compared to the PS1 games before it, even the final boss and super boss only have around sixty-thousand HP, contrast that with the health of VII and VIII's final bosses and super bosses), not to mention that the Trance meter fills up way more slowly compared to Limit Breaks or Overdrive.

Second problem, is Trance's story execution. Another huge problem of IX is it's gameplay-story segregation, especially with Trance. Aside from this one very scene, Trance isn't mentioned or addressed anywhere outside of battle and in the actual lore, it seems to be purely a gameplay gimmick until a certain point in the story where it's suddenly addressed in-universe and then has story relevance, which also creates tons of plot holes but I will address these fully when that point comes, the point for now is, exactly how Zidane goes super-saiyan, Eiko grows wings, and Amarant turns into a flickering purple demihuman is never really explained, but it's never really an issue - at first. The PSX Final Fantasy games have thus far adopted this policy of "what happens in battle, stays in battle." This is the reason Squall never levels any cities when he brings down that hundred-mile energy column during Blasting Zone, or why the Shinra Mansion can still be standing after Cloud summons Bahamut while standing in the living room. But towards the end of the game, Final Fantasy IX violates this rule by taking a battle mechanic and turning it into a plot point. A logistical nightmare ensues. How exactly does Kuja use other people's souls to attain Trance, and how is he able to sustain it for so long? If all you need is a soul and angry feelings to enter Trance, why can't Beatrix do it? Hell, for that matter, why isn't everybody on Gaia turning into glowing demigods and blowing each other up whenever they lose their tempers? Come on, Final Fantasy - if you want anyone other than nerds taking you seriously, you gotta do something about all these plot holes.

[The creature runs away after being defeated, taking Garnet along with it]

Seriously? Zidane with his (scripted in this case) Trance form could have easily stopped and ripped that plant cage apart and took back Garnet than and there, this was just cutscene incompetence and expect that to also be pointed out a lot in this game.

Steiner

"Princess? PRINCESS!"

Every single one of his lines involves the word "Princess" and if this hour of gameplay was a drinking game, I would be totally hammered by now.

Zidane

"What the heck? Where did they go?"

Vivi

"She's gone..."

"I was too scared to cast any spells... That monster's probably gonna eat her..."

Steiner

"How could I let this happen!?"

Zidane

"Don't worry. She's not dead yet."

"That monster was only a minion. He's probably gonna take her to his master."

How does Zidane know this? Why is he suddenly an expert on this forest's plant life?

Steiner

"That means the princess might still be - Come! We must go find her at once!"

Vivi

"WHOA!"

[The monster jumps down and traps Vivi, much like he trapped Garnet. Battle begins; Throughout the fight, Vivi, trapped, casts Fire spells which hurt the monster greatly. This time, instead of escaping, the monster is destroyed and Vivi is set free]

Oh so NOW it's destroyed? How inconvenient that the first plant cage wasn't destroyed by the tailed boy who is actually supposed to be a biological super soldier (but I'll be talking about that particular revelation and Zidane's jobbing as the story goes on).

Vivi

"Phew... Th-Thanks..."

Zidane

"Are you alright?"

Vivi

"Y-yeah.."

[The monster lets loose some sort of green steam attack, which catches everyone off guard. It hits Vivi and Steiner, who respond with surprised statements. Vivi is knocked out, and Steiner proclaims "P-Prin-cess." The scene returns to the Prima Vista, as Blank tends to Vivi in one of the rooms]

Blank

"You guys are lucky. If it weren't for Zidane, you'd both be dead."

"Some of the monsters in this forest reproduce by planting seeds in other animals."

"And when the seeds sprout, it's hasta la vista: you become beef jerky."

How does Blank know all this? This is never explained.

Vivi

"Um... A-Am I gonna die?"

Blank

"No. You're gonna be fine. Here, drink this. It'll remove all the seeds from your body."

How does Blank have a potion for this sort of thing? Why is Tantalus suddenly the expert on this forest's biology?

Vivi

"Ugh...eeyuck..."

[Screen changes to a different room, where an extremely-weakened Steiner walks towards the exit of the Prima Vista, with Zenero following behind him]

Steiner

"Princess... I'm coming right now..."

Okay, we get it, game designers. He's the princess' protector. WE GET IT.

[Benero gets in his way]

"...Stand aside!"

Benero

"Room behind you. Go."

Steiner

"The princess... is in grave danger!"

"Do you intend to ABANDON HER!?"

Funny considering that Garnet herself will be doing the abandoning later.

Benero

"You're in no condition."

Zenero

"Don't worry about the princess. The boss'll think of something."

[Steiner is pushed into the room]

Steiner

"Hey!"

Zenero

"Get some rest."

Benero

"Yeah, and take that medicine I gave you."

[Elsewhere, at the Prima Vista's bridge, Zidane and Baku are talking]

Baku

"Forget it."

"Monsters born out of the Mist are crawlin' everywhere."

So much for "The boss'll think of something".

Zidane

"So what? There's nothing out there we can't handle."

Baku

"Yeah, but what are we gonna do about the wounded?"

Zidane

"We can take 'em with us."

Baku

"How are we gonna carry all of them? Trust me. We go out now, and we'll all get wasted."

"My boys come before the princess, you know. It's too bad..."

This guy is supposed to be one of Cid's best friends, who he counted on to safely get his niece, Garnet, out of Alexandria and to Lindblum, and he is just going to leave her to the forest monsters to potentially die? (As if that isn't going to seriously come back and bite him in the ass if something bad does happen to Garnet and he shows his face to Cid again) Naturally the whole thing will never be brought up again and Baku will not get called out on any of it after this scene again.

Zidane

"!"

Baku

"We're gonna stay put 'til everyone recovers."

"You better not set one foot outside this ship. You got that!?"

Zidane

"I can't believe you're abandoning her! You're nothing but a big coward!"

[Zidane leaves the room]

- Time to Escape

[Steiner is in his room, plotting out what to do]

Steiner

"Hmm..."

"The structure is in poor condition."

"Perhaps I can break out by ramming into the wall."

"..."

"FIRE! FIRE! LET ME OUT!"

"UGH!"

"Huff-Huff."

"I'm still not feeling well..."

(Steiner walks over to a table and sits down)

"What's this?"

[Picks up a doll]

"What an ugly doll... 'Princess Garnet, age 15'!?"

"H-How dare they write the princess' name on such a ragged doll!?"

"Besides, the princess is not 15! She's 16!"

"...Princess..."

Yes, but the doll was probably made when she was 15. Excuse them for not taking the time to update it when the ship was on fire and they were crashing into the forest. Obsess much?

This is also an example of the ATE's being wasted and just being empty, this is just filler and goes back to what I said last chapter about Steiner and his forced slapstick clichés.

- My Little Baby

[Cinna is outside the Prima Vista, searching frantically]

Cinna

"It should be here somewhere."

"Huh...?"

"Damn!"

"Where is it!?"

"What happened to my Garnet doll!?"

"Man. How am I supposed to sleep now...?"

[Falls backwards and lies down]

"Geez..."

"Poor little doll... The fire probably caught it."

This really needed to be an ATE and not at least just an optional NPC chat?

- Girl Who Was Left Behind

[Ruby is standing in a bar in Alexandria]

Ruby

"Where'd everbuddy go?"

"And whut am I supposed to do now?"

Now this does connect later as Ruby does make a theatre restaurant here in Alexandria, but the bigger question is, how the heck did Ruby get separated from the rest of the group? Wasn't she on the theater ship right before they took off, when Garnet ran into her? When did she have a chance to leave the theater ship? She would've had to jump off or something. Why? And why hasn't she been arrested and thrown in the dungeon yet? Shouldn't the Alexandrian knights know that she is part of Tantalus or at least know her name from the play promotions, and thus a member of the group that "kidnapped" the princess?

[Zidane heads down to Vivi's room. Vivi, lying down on the bed, wakes up]

Vivi

"Oh..."

"Th-Thank you for helping me."

Zidane

"Ah, don't mention it."

"Besides, it was your black magic that saved the day."

"You know, you got some major power for such a little guy."

Vivi

"..."

Zidane

"What's wrong...? Are you peeved at me because I called you little?"

"Hey, you're a great mage with great powers, alright?"

"To hell with looks. It's what's inside that counts."

Okay, but aren't you at all curious as to what Vivi exactly is? I know that this world is populated with unnamed species of furries/anthropomorphic animals (which I have grievances with), with the only exception being the Burmecians, but there was clearly nothing like Vivi ever seen before, who has glowing eyes and a face of literal darkness, shouldn't Zidane be just a bit more curious? Heck, the same should apply for Zidane himself and his tail.

Vivi

"I'm sorry. When that monster caught her, I couldn't do anything."

Actually, why couldn't you? If the scene last chapter where Vivi accidentally set Garnet's hood on fire is any indication, Vivi tends to cast magic when he is scared and stressed, so why didn't he immediately blast the plant cage with fire spells when it showed up?

Zidane

"Hey, don't worry about the princess. I'll get her back. I promise."

Vivi

"Thank you, Mr. Zidane."

Zidane

"Whoa, that's the first time anyone's called me 'Mr.' Just call me Zidane, alright?"

Vivi

"Okay...Zidane."

[Zidane walks out of the room, closing the door behind him]

Zidane

"Geez... He was pretty down..."

"Maybe I shouldn't have made that promise. I don't even know if I'll be able to find her..."

[Screen turns white, than fades in for a Zidane-flashback episode. He recalls the moment he first ran into Garnet in Alexandria Castle]

"Man..."

"I never felt so strange..."

"Maybe fate brought us together..."

"I can't explain it..."

[Screen returns to Zidane in the Prima Vista, outside Vivi's room]

Zidane

"Man, I can't stop thinking about her..."

"What am I gonna do...?"

[Choose either "Go look for her" or "Forget it". Take the first choice.]

"Yeah! What's there to think about!? She's cute...and she's in trouble. That's all that matters."

Yes, the guy who two minutes before said that looks don't matter at all now gives Garnet's looks as the main criteria in deciding to go to her aid.

This is also what happens if you say "forget it".

[Another flashback, to when she asks him to kidnap her.]

Zidane: "I don't know why I was chasing her so hard. I didn't really care about our plan at that point. And it wasn't just because she's such a doll. ... I can't explain it. I'm just drawn to her so strongly..."

This isn't an accurate translation, the dialogue in the original japanese version was more flowery and Zidane even implies she is "so sad that she can't see the good stuff around here, such as the glittering seashells on the shore", but this whole "so sad she can't even see the good stuff in front of her" is never brought up by Zidane again or an issue before that or after.

There is also actually a deleted scene here that happens if you choose "forget it", which you can see on YouTube, where Zidane can't get Garnet out of his head, don't know why it was cut, but anyways I just want everyone to remember these scenes as well, because I will be using it as an example to show why Zidane acts inconsistently later in Lindblum, and why this game only pretends the love story is a big thing.

"...There you are."

[Blank walks in, Zidane runs up to him]

Blank

"Why do you look so serious? Uh-oh... What are you up to this time?"

Zidane

"I'm gonna take that knight and the black mage to find the princess."

Blank

"You're crazy! Man, you don't even know what's out there."

"Besides, there's no way the boss'll allow that."

Zidane

"I know..."

Blank

"Sheez... Why do you always gotta go play hero? The boss is gonna kill you."

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go talk to the boss."

[Zidane goes to meet with Baku, who is in the room where you planned out the kidnapping of Garnet]

Baku

"AAH"

"AAAHHH"

"AACHOOO!"

"Took you long enough... I fell asleep, darn it."

"So, you're leaving, eh?"

Zidane

"Yeah...I promised Garnet I'd kidnap her."

Baku

"Gwahaha! I didn't ask why!"

"I can't blame you, though. She's damn beautiful."

"I guess that's reason enough!"

"Well, I hope you're ready!"

"'Cause I'm gonna bust you up for breakin' the rules."

Oh, so now you are being more flexible about this? How about for you, Baku, another reason could be that Cid'll have your head if you let his niece die, not to mention all the other repercussions that will happen to you for letting the princess die.

I don't understand why Baku has such a fetish for beating the shit out of his kids. I would have left long ago if I were Zidane.

Zidane

"...Alright."

Baku

"Okay, get your butt over to the cargo room. We got more room there."

[You and Baku both leave for the other room, which has much more space]

Baku

"You ready!?"

[Choose either "Anytime!" or "Hold on". Gotta choose "Anytime!"]

"I ain't holdin' back."

[Battle begins, Baku vs. Zidane. After the battle, Baku and Zidane are in the room, along with Blank]

Baku

"I'll be damned..."

"Bravo!"

[Hits Zidane]

"Go find your princess!"

"Gwahahahaha..."

[Leaves the room]

Who might have already died now thanks to the all the time you wasted having this dumb fight, time is of the essence and you guy are messing it up having these stupid disputes instead of just letting Zidane do what your best friend Cid TRUSTED YOU TO DO.

Zidane

"Damn, that hurt! He pulled his punches 'til that last one."

[Zidane heads over to Steiner's room]

Steiner

"..."

Zidane

"Come on. You're too old to be playing with a doll."

Steiner

"Silence! A scoundrel like you could never understand!"

"I'm just overwhelmed with concern for the princess!"

"If only you rogues hadn't kidnapped her... This is all your fault!"

"If anything should happen to the princess, I will have your head!"

Zidane

"Take it easy. Geez..."

"I'm gonna go look for her now."

"I'll let you come with me if you promise to be good."

"What do you say, Rusty?"

Why doesn't Zidane just tell Steiner that Garnet wanted to be kidnapped? Sure, Steiner wouldn't believe it but it could at least maybe make him shut his trap for a bit.

Steiner

"RR...RUSTY!? I am Adelbert Steiner, Captain of the Knights of Pluto, and I will never work with you conniving thieves!"

Zidane

"Captain? I figured you were a private, what with that cheap, rusty armor..."

"Look, this has nothing to do with Tantalus. It's something I decided to do on my own."

"I just wanna save Garnet."

Steiner

"Hmph...! You had better not be lying!"

"Because if you are, I won't hesitate to kill you!"

Zidane

"Yeah, yeah. I'm counting on you, Rusty."

Steiner

"Make no mistake. I'm not only going with you to rescue the princess! I will deal with you personally when this is over!"

Zidane

"...Whatever."

This won't be the last of these bickering moments, trust me.

God knows, we all needed to hear more of Adelbert's blatherings about the princess.

Steiner

"It may be difficult with just the two of us. We should seek Master Vivi's help as well."

Zidane

"Why are you calling him 'Master'?"

Steiner

"You fool. That black mage has unimaginable powers..."

"I don't want to get him involved, but alas, it can't be helped."

"We need Master Vivi's powers to rescue the princess."

Zidane

"Alright, let's go talk to Vivi."

[Zidane and Steiner leave the room, and go to Vivi's room]

Skipping the remaining scene with Vivi.

[You head towards the exit of the Prima Vista, at the bottom of the room where you fought Baku. Zidane and Blank have a little chat]

Blank

"Sheez... you really dig her, huh?"

What would make you think that, Blank? The fact that Zidane hasn't shut up about her in the last ten minutes? Jeez, just let them go find her already.

Zidane

"I can't sit around knowing a girl's in trouble. Goes against my nature."

Again this will be contradicted later in Lindblum.

Blank

"Whatever. You're full of crap."

Zidane

"Ohhh... I get it."

"You're jealous that I'm gonna get me a sweetie pie."

That will blow you off the first chance she gets.

Blank

"Pshhh... She's not even my type."

"I came down here to give you this."

Zidane

"You're always thinking about me...but I won't need a love potion to reel this one in."

Blank

"Why don't you get your mind off girls for a second?"

"This is medicine I gave to that black mage and the knight. It's sort of like a seed remover."

Which, again, is never explained how you have something like that.

[Zidane, Vivi, and Steiner leave the Prima Vista and journey into the Evil Forest]

- Orchestra in the Forest

[In the Prima Vista, several band members are playing a song, which FF7-fans will recognize as "Rufus' Welcoming Ceremony" from the FF7 OST]

Conductor

"Okay, let's really liven up this place!"

Violinist

"Yeah, let our music do the fighting against those monsters!"

Cymbalist

"This oughta boost morale."

Drummer

"This is great!"

Trumpeter

"Brrum, brrrum, brrrruuum!"

Okay, nice reference and all (certainly more subtle than the later ones) but didn't Baku say there were "a lot injured"? Yet if you look at the actual game models only a few are injured, and this ATE shows that the band players are perfectly fine as they are able to play their instruments with no problems, not to mention that Blank, Cinna and Marcus are also all fine, all those claims made by Baku about not being able to carry the injured and go after the princess were complete nonsense.

[Baku walks down the stairs, into the room]

Baku

"Hey, not bad!"

"I'm gonna go take a look around."

"Stay on your toes. We'll be leaving soon."

Drummer, Cymbalist, and Violinist

"Okay, Boss!"

Conductor

"Alright!"

Trumpeter

"Brrruuuum!"

Oh so now you are leaving?

[Zidane comes upon a moogle drinking from a small spring]

Zidane

"Hmm... No sign of any monsters here."

[Walks over to the spring]

Zidane

"A spring..."

- Do As I Say, Not As I Do.

[Blank and Baku are talking in the Prima Vista]

Blank

"Are you sure about this?"

Baku

"Yeah, don't worry. We'll be outta here soon, too."

"Here, take this map. It's gonna be a long trip back to Lindblum..."

Blank

"Alright. I'll see you later."

Baku

"I'm countin' on you!"

Yes because we really needed this to be an ATE, especially when Blank just tells us later anyway that Baku gave him the map, this is what I mean when I say the ATEs are empty, rather than give us actual world building, lore, foreshadowing and good interaction in these scenes, they give us what is mostly filler or pointless info that will be repeated later, or cheap references to past FF games that feel more like Family Guy cutaways minus the humour.

[Scene returns to Zidane at the spring.]

There is a bit here where Zidane delivers a Mognet letter to the Strategically Placed Moogle. It talks about Princess Garnet possibly leaving home with a prince on a white horse. Really overhyping the love story, Mognet.

[On the next screen, after running off it, a short FMV takes place, focusing in on a portion of the forest across a lake, glowing bright red light, filled with vines and some sort of huge flower]

[Finally, you run to the screen with the forest's boss: the huge flower/plant thing you saw in the FMV. Tied to a wall behind it is Garnet]

Vivi

"There she is!"

Zidane

"So, this is the master."

Steiner

"Princess!"

"You stay out of this!"

"Alexandria would be disgraced if a mere bandit should rescue the princess."

Yeah I don't think Zidane cares, especially when he is the one who is in love with said princess.

Zidane

"You think you can handle him on your own?"

Steiner

"..."

Zidane

"Let's get him, Vivi!"

[Boss Battle vs. "Plant Brain" occurs, with Steiner, Vivi, and Zidane.]

Now that we are at the first boss battle, one thing I've been wanting to bring up is the boss theme and IX's music in general, IX's music is some of the most boring, generic, repetitive, cartoony and uninspired of the FF games with only a few exceptions (such as Garnet singing), just compare IX's boss theme which you first hear here, with VII's "Those who fight further" boss theme (which the Remake just made better) or VIII's "Force your Way" boss theme which were far more catchy, IX's boss theme is pretty generic. Ironically Nobuo Uematsu, similar to Sakaguchi, claimed that IX's soundtrack his "favourite to do", which, honestly, I felt he only felt that way because it was the easiest to do, after VII's and VIII's more complex soundtracks, IX must have been a cool off for him, he even stopped being solely involved with the later FF games music starting from FFX to FFXII which really seems to suggest he was running out of steam, FFXIII's music wasn't done by Uematsu yet it had much better music than IX, not to mention Yoko Shimomura and XV's music, just throwing this out there, her music is better than Uematsu's (no disrespect to him), just look at the Kingdom Hearts soundtrack.

[A little bit into the match, Blank joins the fight as well, stating "Whew, I made it just in time." and "Step aside. I'll take care of this." After it gets defeated, you free Garnet, and Steiner holds her in his arms]

Zidane should be one holding Garnet in his arms, not Steiner.

Steiner

"Princess! Please get a hold of yourself!"

Blank

"Zidane, give her the stuff."

[Zidane walks over and gives her the medicine]

Garnet

"Hack-hack..."

Steiner

"Princess, please try to drink all of it."

Vivi

"Is she gonna be okay?"

[The ground shakes for a split second]

Blank

"Oh, man! What now!?"

[A big hole opens up in the ground, and two small bug creatures climb out. A third one enters the room from the doorway that they entered]

Blank

"Sheez! We're gonna be surrounded!"

Zidane

"Let's get out of here!"

Blank

"GO!"

[Steiner, still holding Garnet, and Zidane run towards an exit. Vivi and Blank stay still]

Blank

"What are you waitin' for!?"

[Vivi and Blank soon run out]

[In the next scene, the four of them are running away from a legion of bug monsters chasing after them: Vivi in front, followed by Steiner & Garnet, Blank, and Zidane in the back. All of a sudden, Zidane stops running; so does Blank]

Blank

"What are you doin'!?"

Zidane

"Something's wrong..."

Blank

"What?"

Zidane

"The entire forest is coming after us."

"Blank... Take care of everyone."

[Zidane begins to run]

Blank

(What did he mean by that?)

[Blank runs off the screen]

Yeah, what did he mean? How is Zidane able to sense what is going on in the forest? This is never explained.

[FMV. The four are running, and behind them, dozens upon dozens, possibly hundreds, of bug creatures. The entire forest is getting petrified, as well. Zidane, at the back of the ground, is about to get caught in the grasp of a bug, is pushed aside by Blank, who gets caught in the bug's grasp. As the wave of petrification reaches the bugs, making them immobile, Blank launches the map which Baku gave him to Zidane who, still running, picks it up and makes the final sprint for the exit. A series of the forests vines attempt to stab, jab, and hit Zidane in any way possible, but he outmanoeuvres them all, taking one final leap out of the forest. Steiner, Vivi and Zidane look upon it as the entrance becomes completely petrified, and a final shot of inside the forest, with a petrified Blank, is shown]

First off, regarding the FMV, Zidane had just fled first and is supposed to be very fast. How could he be overtaken by a fat Steiner in armor with the princess, and Vivi, who stumbles every three steps along the flat road? (And I'm not just saying that solely because Zidane should have been the one to carry Garnet bridal-style out of the forest, which you know, would actually strengthen and give focus to the love story.)

Secondly, what is with the entire forest petrifying? That is never fully explained, the best I can gather is that this forest was some sort of hive mind with the so called "plant brain" being the core of it, but why would destroying it cause more of those "bug creatures" to show up? Shouldn't everything in the forest loose coordination and just stop? Why would this cause the forest to turn to stone instead of just, well, wilting away? Finally, (as we will see later) how did the rest of Tantalus get out without getting petrified like Blank?

Zidane

"Dammit! That idiot!

"Blank..."

[Screen fades to black. Fades back in on an impromptu camp site, with a fire burning and a small tent, outside the forest. Steiner is watching over the sleeping Garnet, while Vivi is sitting in front of the fire and Zidane is working on the tent]

Vivi

"I hope she gets well soon..."

Steiner

"This is all his fault!"

"Have you nothing to say, you filth!?"

Why doesn't Zidane say anything?

Garnet

"...Oh..."

Steiner

"P-Princess!"

Garnet

"...Steiner?"

"...How did I survive...? You brought me here?"

Steiner

"It is my sworn duty to protect you at any cost."

Zidane

"What are you talking about? It was Vivi's magic and my dagger that got you out of there, Princess."

Garnet

"I thank you both."

Steiner

"That monkey derserves no praise!"

"None of this would've happened if you and your band hadn't abducted the princess!"

"And how dare you claim that you have rescued her!?"

"When we get back to Alexandria, I will-"

Adelbert? We get it. You hate him. WE GET IT.

Garnet

"Steiner..."

"I left the castle of my own will."

Zidane

"What a coincidence, eh? We went to snatch her, and she wanted to be

snatched."

You could have said this earlier Zidane, and you just wanted to get into her snatch also. Nice wording there, horny monkey.

Steiner

"Impossible!"

Garnet

"It's true."

You aren't going to explain why? The problem here is that Garnet should have just told everyone here right now why she wanted to escape and get to Lindblum, explaining that the Queen was going crazy and planning something bad. Sure Steiner obviously wouldn't believe it at first, but it would at least shut him up a bit and put the idea in his head which would continue to grow as things went on, especially with what they see at North Gate and Dali, but instead Garnet is being needlessly secretive and vague and it leads to a ton of BS later.

Zidane

"So what do you say, Rusty? Friends? Come on, let's just enjoy this camping trip while it lasts."

Steiner

"Camping - you imbecile! Surely even you must know something about the Mist."

"The vicious monsters it spawns! The abnormalities it stirs in the mind and body!"

"Princess, we must leave this dangerous place at once."

Steiner claims that the Mist causes abnormalities in mind and body, but we never see any of this happen when the cast is in the Mist, heck, the Burmecians, unlike the rest of the continent, LIVE WITHIN THE MIST, yet they seem to be just fine.

Zidane

"You've gotta be kidding."

"She hasn't even fully recovered yet."

Steiner

"Silence! Who asked for your opinion!?"

Zidane

"Alright, tell me... How do you plan to get out of here?"

"We're standing in a valley surrounded by tall cliffs."

"And last I heard, North Gate and South Gate were sealed off."

How did Zidane hear about this? And why were they sealed off? This is never fully explained.

Steiner

"..."

Zidane

"Yeah. That's what I thought."

Steiner

"Grrrrr..."

Zidane

"The princess can barely walk right now. You went through this. You should know."

"I think we should rest here for now."

Steiner

"I will never follow - "

Zidane

"Steiner!"

"State your sworn duty!"

Steiner

"What else? To protect Princess Garnet Til Alexandros!"

"...Very well."

"Until the princess recovers, I will guard this place with my life."

Well that took a lot of coaxing. This is the kind of interaction and writing we will be dealing with. This was ANOTHER go-around of Adelbert saying he won't follow Zidane and ANOTHER mention of Adelbert's sworn duty, reading the same dialogue over and over and over and over.

Zidane

"Sounds good to me."

"Vivi, let's get some rest."

What? Nothing to say to Garnet after all that stuff of you can't getting her out of your head and saying it was fate?

[Everyone, except Steiner, goes to sleep. The next scene shows Zidane at the petrified entrance to Evil Forest; Garnet walks up to him]

Zidane

"How are you feeling?"

Garnet

"Good...thanks to that medicine you gave me."

"Could this be...?"

Zidane

"Yeah, I was surprised, too. After we beat that big plant-guy, the forest got completely petrified."

Garnet

"Vivi told me that we were able to escape because of your friend."

Zidane

"...His name is Blank."

Garnet

"We must go help him."

Zidane

"We can't do anything for him right now."

Garnet

"But...I can't - "

Zidane

"We'll come back for him. I'm sure there's a way to cure him."

"Let's get going."

"According to the map that Blank gave me, there's a cavern to the south of us."

"Maybe we can get above the Mist through that cavern."

[Zidane walks and stops beside Garnet]

Zidane

"Are you alright?"

[Garnet turns to face him and nods]

"Everything's gonna be fine. Trust me."

You know, let's compare this with the first meetings of other Final Fantasy love stories, such as Squall and Rinoa, in VIII Squall and Rinoa first met at the Garden dance, with Rinoa in a nice white dress, we are giving a nice FMV of them dancing and Squall screwing up a bit, FFVII gave us Cloud and Tifa being childhood friends and that incident in the mountains when they were kids, or Cloud and Aerith with Cloud buying a flower from her in Sector 8 of Midgar and Cloud later falling into the church in the sector 6 slums and seeing her again and helping her get away from Reno and the Shinra troops, meeting at her home and her adoptive mother, heading to the slums playground and then crossdressing in the Wall Market to get to Tifa in Don Corneo's mansion, and then rescuing her from the Shinra building, which the Remake expanded upon, FFX's Tidus and Yuna meeting in the temple, the campsite with that old lady ironically telling Tidus to "stay away from the summoner", Tidus' dream and sailing on the ship and the laughing scene, even XIII gave us Snow and Serah riding on the flying motorbike with fireworks and a song playing in the background.

Sure, IX gave us Garnet jumping off the tower and Zidane following, but that is never mentioned again, Garnet asking to be kidnapped but never explaining why and I've already talked about how stupid that is above, Zidane not even being the one to carry Garnet out of the forest, and weak interactions as this very scene, because Garnet is really bland, and there is only more to come. All the other mentioned FF pairs had real developed romances while Garnet and Zidane fell in love for being within five feet of each other for a long period of time while also giving us some other bull that we will be seeing soon. Another thing I'm going to talk about a lot is how Garnet barely has any personality.

[Screen changes back to the campsite, where all four people are gathered. A small moogle emerges from the forest]

Skipping the Mog Net tutorial.

[Screen returns to the campsite with the four characters and Monty the moogle]

Monty "I have a gift for you, kupo. Take this flute."

[Received Moogle's Flute!]

"With this flute, you can call us anywhere in the world, kupo."

"Press the Square Button to play it."

"Happy trails! Kupo!"

Well that just makes saving a little more tedious, in the previous FFs you could just simply save on the World Map with the menu, not having to do this flute thing.

End of Chapter 2