The war on Senali continued. It was a brutal war. More than a week had already passed and victory was not in sight. One day the Separatist Army would win a little battle, next day the Republican Army would conquer the district again... Anakin had told Obi-Wan he expected this war to still last several months. On the one hand, Senali was a nicer place to stay than Praesitlyn, on the other, that made it all the more tragic to witness the destruction of this beautiful planet and its peace loving people. Of course, as Obi-Wan did not take part in the battles, he did not really see its full extent. But he wrote the mission reports and spoke to injured clone troopers, and so he had a rough idea what was going on. And he saw the look in Anakin's eyes. As if he was haunted by something.
Being so close to Anakin was intoxicating. Their friendship deepened with each passing day. If you could call the strange relationship they shared "friendship". Some touches – hugs before they parted or when they saw each other again, huddling up against each other at night, a comforting hand on a shoulder, a helping hand – were too long, too intimate to be of a merely brotherly nature. But Obi-Wan did not delude himself. They were in an extreme situation: Anakin suffered from the war and his role as the Chosen One, and Obi-Wan was the only person here to comfort him. Under normal circumstances, something like this would never have developed. It was sheer coincidence, a result of...unlucky circumstances.
It was another long day. Anakin had returned from battle, exhausted and sad as always. But he always had a little smile for Obi-Wan in greeting. A sad smile, but it was a smile nevertheless. Anakin sat down in his chair and heaved a deep sigh.
"Bad day?" Obi-Wan asked sympathetically and placed a hand on Anakin's arm.
Anakin just nodded. Obi-Wan had come to understand Anakin's body language. When he only nodded and did not say anything, it meant he did not want to talk about it. And Obi-Wan would accept that, of course.
"Are you hungry?"
"Like a Ralltiir Tiger. I bet we still have loads of those very tasteful protein bars with beebleberry flavour left, right?"
Obi-Wan grinned. "Well, I guess I have to disappoint you concerning beebleberry bars. I've got some fish and fresh fruit."
"What?!" Anakin exclaimed delightedly.
"Here you are." Obi-Wan put the meal on the little fold-table.
"Man, Obi-Wan, you're an angel!" Anakin said enthusiastically. "I love you!"
Obi-Wan gave him a brief smile, although the words hurt him a little bit. If Anakin felt anything like Obi-Wan, he would not use those words so carelessly. "I got it from a local fisherman," Obi-Wan explained while Anakin gulped down the food. "His son was injured in battle and I healed him. So the father gave me this as a thank you."
"That's great. I hope you had some of the fish too?"
"Sure. You know I hate beebleberry bars just as much as you do." Of course, Obi-Wan had left the greater part of the food for Anakin but he had had enough as well. Enough to survive several more days with nothing to eat but beebleberry bars.
It was a good evening. But then, when Anakin was already in bed and Obi-Wan was still checking something on his datapad, everything changed. Obi-Wan had thought Anakin had already fallen asleep but suddenly he spoke up very quietly, "I'm thinking about leaving the Jedi Order."
"Wha-what?!" In his shock, Obi-Wan typed a wrong order and the information he had just loaded deleted itself. Right now, he could not care less. "What do you mean?" Obi-Wan asked suspiciously.
"I'm thinking about leaving the Jedi Order," Anakin repeated stubbornly. "I can't do this any longer."
Slowly, Obi-Wan put down his datapad and turned to look at Anakin. Anakin lay on his back, his arms crossed under his head. He was talking to the tent's ceiling. The light was dimmed but it was enough to illuminate his expression. His face looked tired and much too old for his 23 years. "What is it you cannot do any longer?" Obi-Wan asked cautiously.
"Everything. Fighting. Being a hero. Pretending to be a hero."
"You are a hero, Anakin," Obi-Wan reassured him.
"No, I'm not." Anakin kept glaring at the ceiling. "Tell me, what am I doing? People do not become a hero just because of their abilities. Normally, they fight for a just cause. But what am I fighting for? The truth is, I don't know, I have no idea why I'm doing it. I don't believe in it but I still do it. I follow their orders, do what they tell me to do even though I hate to do it. It's pathetic, really. Nothing heroic about it."
"Ah." That did not sound good. Obi-Wan sat down beside Anakin and searched for something to say which could change his mood. "You are fighting for a just cause. I know it looks really grim at the moment. We live in a dark age but we are fighting for the future of billions of people."
Anakin laughed a harsh, humourless laugh. "Don't give me those empty Holonet phrases. They make me so sick. They have no idea. 'Future'? I don't see a future. I mean, what would you do to make sure there is a future for people? Lead a war? I don't think so."
"Of course, you are absolutely right. I hate war, it's wrong, of course it is. But I don't understand: What has it got to do with you leaving the Order?"
"In the beginning of the Clone Wars, I knew what I was fighting for. There were the Jedi principles. All the wonderful wisdoms they have taught us. I was proud of being a keeper of peace and justice in the galaxy." Anakin pronounced the last words as if they were a terrible insult. He grimaced contemptuously. "I've stopped believing in their bullshit."
"Is it because of me spying on you?" Obi-Wan asked worriedly.
"No. I think I could still convince myself that they were only worried about me and had my best interests at heart – and, more importantly, they did it to preserve peace and justice. You must see it, too, Obi-Wan, how everything's just lies and meaningless. They teach you compassion, they say a Jedi must never attack, the Jedi must not intervene in a planet's affairs when there's no official request for help. They teach you that every life is valuable, that we must not give in to the means of the dark side, that we must follow the will of the Force... But what are we doing? What are we doing? Are we following any of those rules? Tell me any Jedi rule that is still valid. Any. How about The lightsaber is a Jedi's most precious possession? Wow, what a great principle to fight for. Is that all there is left? Or has there never been more? Has it always just been lies and empty phrases?"
"Stop that!" Obi-Wan said firmly. He was getting more and more nervous. Anakin's talking made him feel thoroughly uneasy. "That's just not true, you can't say that! Do you mean to say that Master Yoda lied to you and betrayed you? And what about Qui-Gon? Don't you even believe in him and in what he taught you?"
"I– Of course I do!" Anakin sat bolt upright and his voice was now trembling and thick with emotion. "He would have never accepted it like this, I know that! He cared for people! Do you remember Jar Jar Binks? Many people would have said he was not worth the effort but Qui-Gon saved his life and brought him with us! Trust me, I wish I could still believe in the Jedi Order, I wish there was something – anything – I could cling to. But there is nothing. Nothing. Shall I fight for such an Order which does not even keep to its own principles? Shall I fight for a Republic, all the senators in their fine clothes who do nothing but debate for months while people are dying, and all they care for is how they can best increase their wealth? So you tell me, where's the good I'm fighting for? Where?"
"Stop that, Anakin, please!" Obi-Wan begged him miserably.
"What," Anakin sneered. "Am I scaring you? Oh, I've gone insane in the war, right? I can already see the headline: The tragic fall of a hero. You know what, I think this whole galaxy is insane –" An almost maniac glimmer in his eyes, Anakin waved his hands wildly around. " – and you can't help but become insane in this galaxy!"
"You are not insane, Anakin," Obi-Wan said and he was scared. "You're a good person and that's why this war affects you so much. But you mustn't give up. You mustn't lose faith. The Jedi are your family. You can trust them, they will always support you."
"Family? Sure, great family," Anakin said, his voice full of bitterness. "Two years ago, I had dreams. Not any dreams, real dreams. Visions. I had visions of my mother dying. I saw her in pain. Again and again, each night the same nightmare. I wanted to go and save her. But they didn't allow me to go. I was on Kamino in an important battle. They could not afford to send me away on such an unimportant quest. I understood that. I knew I had a responsibility towards the Jedi. I won that war on Kamino. I asked them again if I could go now. But they had already a new mission for me. Then the dreams stopped. I was glad they finally stopped. Afterwards, I did some research. I found out my mother had died at that same day my dreams had stopped. She was murdered by Tusken Raiders, some racket on my homeplanet. They're brutal and ruthless but they use only primitive weapons to fight. I could have saved her, Obi-Wan. It would not have been a problem. I could have saved her easily. And you know what they told me afterwards? They said it was all my fault. Mine and Qui-Gon's. Yes, if Qui-Gon had never brought me to Tatooine to meet my mother, I would have never remembered her and I would have never had such dreams. Her death would not have affected me then. She was entirely irrelevant. She doesn't matter, right? Sure, after all, she is not a Chosen One, is she? No, she's only a slave, maybe a whore."
"That's… I'm…really sorry..." Obi-Wan felt terribly helpless in face of Anakin's grief. "I'm sorry," he muttered again. They shouldn't have done it, they should have supported Anakin but on the other hand, Obi-Wan unterstood the Council's decision to prioritise the lives of many over the life of just one. Why did everything have to be so complicated? "What are you going to do if you leave the Jedi? You can hardly say that the Separatists are better – I mean, they're fighting and killing just as well."
"I'm popular, I can use my popularity to change people's minds. I can start peace campaigns, I can support the few senators who still believe in negotiations, I can advertise organisations which help victims of the war..."
"Yes, you could do that but... but they need you in this war. I don't mean the Order or the Republic. I'm speaking of the people, the normal people. You give them courage. Whenever they hear your name, they think, 'Yes, Anakin Skywalker is coming, everything will be alright'. And it doesn't really matter if all the legends about you are true or not. As long as they believe in it, it is enough, it is enough to give them hope. If you, however, left the Jedi Order..." Please don't do it. Master Dooku has already left me, please don't leave me too.
oOoOo
"You don't understand," Anakin said bitterly and turned away from Obi-Wan. Here it was again. Now Obi-Wan, too, tried to appeal to his conscience and put a new burden upon him.
"Then tell me," Obi-Wan pleaded. "I want to understand, I want to help you."
"Yesterday I killed a girl." The words were out before Anakin could stop himself. "She was so young, maybe six years old. I-I was blocking blasterfire from battle droids so the civilians could flee. I didn't pay attention for a moment and didn't see she was running back for some reason and I directed one of the blastershots towards her. She was hit in the shoulder. It would not have been lethal. But she fell. She could not get up anymore. I wanted to help her but I c-couldn't go through to her." His voice was doing funny things but he couldn't stop the words tumbling out. "There were t-too many battle droids." He could not fight back the tears any longer. He was shaking all over. He could not stop it anymore. Years of burying his emotions and fighting them back crumpled down. The words flooded out in a way he could not control at all. "And the b-b-battle droids did not care for her at all. They were only interested in me. They just marched over her and stepped on her with their horrible feet and when I had finally fought them back, it was... it was too late for the girl. She was still alive and her - her - her mother was with her. She was dying, slowly. She was in such pain." Anakin choked out the words. He had difficulties to breathe. It all came in ragged breaths and hiccups. "She was dying and there was blood coming out of her mouth. She was in such pain. I-I-I stabbed her in the chest with my lightsaber. Finished her off quickly. And then the mother looked at me and her eyes..."
There were no words to describe the look in her eyes.
Obi-Wan did not seem to have any words left either. No encouragements, no Jedi wisdoms.
But then there were arms around Anakin's chest and he was pressed tightly against a warm body. This was all there was left where words had no meaning anymore: the closeness of a warm, living body. Anakin held on tightly, pressed his eyes shut and buried his head in Obi-Wan's shoulder.
There was a gentle prod in the Force, Obi-Wan encouraging him to breathe in sync. Breathing was okay. It did not involve thinking, just his body doing what it was meant to do.
When Anakin's breathing had finally slowed down to a normal pace Obi-Wan said softly, "Please don't leave the Jedi Order."
"Why not?" Anakin asked exhaustedly.
"Because I don't want you to leave."
It was the only right thing Obi-Wan could have said. If he had said, 'Because the Jedi Order (or the Republic) needs you', Anakin would have left right here, right now. So he lifted his head up and looked at Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan smiled awkwardly back at him."I mean it, you -"
But Anakin did not want to listen or talk. He just wanted the physical closeness again. So he grabbed Obi-Wan's face and smashed their lips together, taking what he needed right now. He thanked whatever deity there was that Obi-Wan did not punch him but kissed him back. They were both alive, their mouths and hands moving, their breaths and heartbeats quick and full of life.
"I don't know why I keep doing this," Anakin said once they had separated to gasp for air.
"Well." Obi-Wan cleared his throat and Anakin regretted having said anything. He had killed the moment. "Seems to me like you want to kiss someone."
"No idea why it always happens in the worst possible moments." Anakin shrugged apologetically.
Obi-Wan awkwardly tugged his Padawan braid, which Anakin had somewhat disheveled, back behind his ear. "You could kiss me in other moments."
"Yeah?"
Obi-Wan nodded.
They kept staring at each other, neither one moving.
"So if right now I wanted to kiss you...?"
"Sure."
Anakin wanted to but he did not really know how to initiate a kiss, a proper kiss that is. But then Obi-Wan's hands wandered up Anakin's arms, shoulders, neck until they finally arrived at his cheeks. His thumbs softly traced Anakin's jawbones. Then Obi-Wan leant slowly forwards and kissed him. He deliberately placed his lips on Anakin's and held his face. So that's how you did it. Obi-Wan touched him so tenderly it made Anakin in a very strange way want to cry inside. When Obi-Wan pulled away from the kiss, Anakin could only stare at him.
"Did you want another kind of kiss?" Obi-Wan asked.
"No. It's good. Great."
"What else do you want?"
Anakin shrugged, trying to quell down his hopes that Obi-Wan was actually interested in doing this with him. "Whatever you're willing to do."
Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows. "Just so we're clear, are we talking about...?"
"I'm down for everything."
Obi-Wan's brows climbed even higher.
"I mean, I haven't done this before. Sex, I mean." There, he'd said it. "But it can't be that difficult, right? So many people do it. And, look, I know it's not strictly forbidden but the Jedi frown upon it but seriously, we're at war and do so many things a Jedi shouldn't do, how can it be wrong to do something that hurts no one but is just meant to make each other feel good?" He sighed heavily. "I just want to forget for a few moments, that's all. Just forget all this shit that is going on."
Obi-Wan looked at him, considering. He must have some doubts.
"I don't want to pressure you," Anakin assured him, ignoring the pit that seemed to open up inside his stomach. "With me being a Master and you-"
"You stop right there," Obi-Wan said heatedly. "We were born on exactly the same day. You have no power over me whatsoever."
"Technically I could-"
Obi-Wan silenced him with a fierce kiss and that was just perfect and exactly what Anakin had wanted. Even though Obi-Wan claimed he was just as inexperienced as Anakin, he was pretty good at figuring things out. Because he had read books, as he explained, with a little satisfied smirk.
It was nice, Anakin felt lighter and pleasantly drowsy when they finally extinguished the lights to fall asleep.
But then Obi-Wan spoke up softly, "There is good. It wasn't and isn't all lies. Do you remember when we were little children at the Temple? There were always those little fights between the different groups, that rivalry, everyone wanted to be the best and we would call each other stupid names – like Oafy-Wan." Obi-Wan absent-mindedly traced his fingers over Anakin's arm. And while he continued speaking in a calm and gentle voice, images flooded Anakin's tired mind. He saw a group of younglings in a sunlit room, standing in a circle around Master Yoda and watching his Force-tricks in complete awe. He heard Yoda's old but always cheerful voice, he remembered Garen imitating Yoda's way of speaking backwards, he saw the groups of Jedi apprentices fight each other to exhaustion - as if it was the most important thing of the world to be the better group. And afterwards they would perhaps go swimming in the coolness and the peacefulness of the Room of a Thousand Fountains. "We were always fighting," Obi-Wan continued, "but as soon as there was a strict Master we would stick together like glue. I think those times, they were good. That's something valuable, worth to fight for. I hope that the next generation of Jedi can have such a childhood, too. They should get to know all of it, the Wookie Clan and... which group were you in? The Bantha Clan?"
"Bear Clan. Obviously."
"And do you remember our lightsaber fights? We would pretend to be our favourite heroes – the great swordsmen. Naturally, we had no idea of different fighting styles at all. But I had overheard some older students discuss Master Windu's Vaapad form and so I pretended to know."
Anakin smiled a little bit. "You were always Master Windu. And I was Master Dooku. You have no idea what a shock I got when I heard you had actually got him as your Master."
Obi-Wan chuckled softly. "You have no idea what a shock I got when he told me he would train me. And to be honest, I still have no clue why he suddenly wanted a Padawan, and why, for Force's sake, he wanted to train me."
Anakin smiled silently. That was something which would stay his secret forever.
"And do you remember the classes with Master Yoda?" Obi-Wan continued in reminiscence. "They used to be my favourite ones. We used to play pranks on him. Really nasty things if you rethink it now, like putting his stick on the uppermost shelf. But he would always play along with it and pretend not to be able to reach it. He did it to let us have our fun. Ah, come to think of it, he maybe wanted to teach us that it was cruel to make fun of people because of their appearance. Well, I never got it, that he intended to teach us a lesson..."
Anakin chuckled and lightly punched Obi-Wan in the ribs. "Well, you've finally figured it out now. Better late than never, right? You should tell Master Yoda next time you see him. Yeah, and maybe apologise for ridiculing him."
"Yes, well. I cannot avoid remembering such things every time I see him. It makes me feel extremely stupid but, in a certain way, it makes me feel such respect for him."
"I know what you mean. But believe me, you have nothing to feel stupid for. You only did what every youngling did."
"Now, you're making me curious," Obi-Wan said, sounding extremely cheerful. "What kind of extremely stupid things did you do?"
"It's really embarrassing if you think of it now… Well, alright. Just like you, I didn't understand he intended to teach us a lesson. I felt a bit sorry for him and so I stayed with him after the end of the lesson and helped him get his stick back."
"What a helpful and compassionate kid you were," Obi-Wan teased him.
"That's not the whole story yet. I didn't understand why he hadn't used the Force to get his stick back. We had just learned how to levitate things and that was my chance to show off, of course. Though I must say, I was a bit confused Yoda couldn't do it himself. I mean, he had taught us how to use the Force to levitate things. But I concluded it was maybe too difficult for him to levitate things which were up so high. So I explained to him how to do it."
"How old were you?" Obi-Wan was clearly enjoying the story.
"Four or five, I think. Well, and as I had to assume I was already much better than Master Yoda in using the Force, I thought I should have a new teacher. And I told him that."
"You didn't!"
"I think I said something like, 'Master Yoda, it was nice of you to teach me and your lessons are always fun but if you can't even levitate things properly, I obviously need a new teacher.' And he didn't contradict me of course. He didn't display his great abilities just to impress a little apprentice who had delusions of grandeur. He said something like that I was right and very talented of course, and he understood I'd rather have another teacher but he asked me to stay because if the best one in the group always left, at one point no one would be left at all. He said I needed to find my place in the group and should help him and the other students. I believed him, of course. Said I was ready to help him."
Obi-Wan snorted. "How selfless of you."
Anakin realised he himself was smiling, too. It had been a long time since he had remembered the Jedi Temple without bitterness and contempt. "Thanks," he said, his voice suddenly a little hoarse. "Thank you for helping me remember."
Obi-Wan pulled him closer. Anakin could hear him swallow in the dark. "I love you," he whispered, and Anakin froze.
This was not what was supposed to happen. It couldn't. Anakin wriggled out of Obi-Wan's embrace, out of the pleasant warmth. What an idiot he had been!
"Anakin?"
"I'm sorry," was all Anakin could choke out. Cautiously, Obi-Wan put a hand on Anakin's shoulder but Anakin tensed even more under the touch. He shouldn't do that, he should just leave Anakin alone. It would make everything easier.
"Don't, please," Anakin said quietly.
Obi-Wan removed his hand from Anakin's shoulder as quickly as if he had been burned.
"What is it?" Obi-Wan asked. Anakin hated how uncertain his voice sounded. Obi-Wan should be stubborn, sarcastic, sometimes dorky and sometimes oddly wise. Not this defeated and helpless.
Anakin needed to explain himself. He owed Obi-Wan that at least. "I miss him so much," was all that came out.
"Couldn't you have chosen anyone else to – to release your emotions or get comfort or whatever?" Obi-Wan's words were angry but his voice was shaking. "Couldn't you have just asked any of the clone troopers? I know, I know, they're human just like us and it's not right to use them but what about me? Am I not human? Force, Anakin, couldn't you have at least chosen someone who's not so hopelessly, stupidly in love with you?!"
Anakin bit back his tears. "I'm sorry," he said again. "I don't want to hurt you, Obi-Wan, but I can't do this." Why hadn't Obi-Wan said anything? Anakin never would have done it if he had known Obi-Wan felt like that! What a mess.
Obi-Wan took a shaking breath. His voice was much calmer when he spoke now. "Alright. I get it. You don't have to apologise. I never really expected something like this anyway. It was stupid and let's just forget it ever happened."
"You didn't expect what?" Anakin asked and slowly turned around to look at Obi-Wan again. He was still naked, and while before he had been confident, even a little playful, he now looked so uncomfortable, pulling the blanket up as if to hide underneath it.
Obi-Wan did not look at Anakin but stared down at his hands that grabbed the blanket. His voice sounded hollow when he finally answered the question. "I never expected you to... fall in love with, well... with someone like me."
"Someone like you? What do you mean?"
"Come on, just look at us. You are a Jedi Master, a General. You're just good at everything. You're handsome, famous, a hero - you could have everyone." Obi-Wan tried to shrug casually. "To sum it up: you're perfect."
"I am not perfect," Anakin protested, "no one is," and that ever present weight seemed to crush him again. He had hoped that at least Obi-Wan would not idolise him like that. Obi-Wan should know better. He should know Anakin - had known him as a kid and had seen him at his worst, had seen him rage and cry and give up. Why must he say this?
"To me, you are," Obi-Wan insisted.
Again, they seemed to drift apart. Anakin did not want that - he had no one else but Obi-Wan! - but he did not know how to salvage this situation either.
"I'm sorry, Obi-Wan," he said. "But I cannot do this. I cannot love you."
"Because we are Jedi?" A bit of the old Obi-Wan was back, the stubborn, defiant Padawan Anakin had come to rely on, not this insecure, lovelorn man. "I'm sorry if I forced you into anything –"
"You didn't. I'm sorry I was not strong enough to stop."
There was an awkward pause.
"So you regret what happened." Obi-Wan pushed the blanket away and haphazardly snatched some of the clothes they had shed on the floor. "It won't happen again."
"Obi-Wan..." Anakin grabbed his arm. He owed him at least an explanation. "Don't run away, please."
"What else do you want from me?"
The accusation stang - because it was true. Obi-Wan had already given him everything: his assistance and loyalty during this mission, his body - and now he had bared his very soul.
"Let me explain," Anakin pleaded.
Obi-Wan nodded curtly and sat down again.
"Qui-Gon..." It had been years and still Anakin hardly could say his name. His voice was raspy when he continued. "He once taught me that it was okay to love as long as it did not interfere with your Jedi duties. And I did love him. In a different way, of course. He was like a father to me; he was always there for me in a way no one had ever been there for me before. I had an attachment to him, yes, and you see what it has done to me, what a wreck of a person I have become. Maybe you are strong enough to be both a Jedi and in love. But I'm not. The truth is, I am a Jedi Master but I've never got over his death. I cannot do it again. I don't have any strength left for that. There's nothing I can give to you."
Obi-Wan was silent for a moment. Then he said quietly, "You don't have to give anything to me."
"What do you mean?" It did not sit right with Anakin. Not after everything Obi-Wan had given to him...
"What do you want from me?" Obi-Wan asked him again but this time without the accusation. "You want to kiss someone? Have sex? Well, here I am." He chuckled softly. He did not sound happy.
"Obi-Wan." Anakin swallowed down a hard lump in his throat. "I value you as a person. You being here with me - in whatever way - means a lot."
"Is it comfort what you seek?"
"Maybe," Anakin admitted. They were long past hiding.
"So." Obi-Wan cleared his throat. "We stay friends. We share a bed. And sometimes we have meaningless sex, completely without love that is, just between friends. Just because it feels good. That work for you?"
It was tempting. But... "It wouldn't be right. You deserve better."
"Could you at least grant me the dignity of making my own decision?"
Anakin could not help but smile a little bit at Obi-Wan's prickly tone. "That's such a Jedi thing of you to say."
"I didn't realise mindless sex was a Jedi thing."
Anakin did not let him get away with it. "I meant that your offer is selfless."
Clearly embarrassed, Obi-Wan gave a crooked grin. "Offering you to sleep in one bed with me has nothing to do with selflessness."
"Whatever you say."
There was a moment of silence. What did it all mean? Had they just agreed to being friends with benefits? How did you go on from there?
"So now what?" Obi-Wan finally spoke up.
"We should probably go to sleep." There was a war going on after all.
Obi-Wan hummed in agreement. "Together?"
"I'd like that," Anakin said, again with a raw throat.
"Right."
They lay down next to each other and Obi-Wan pulled a blanket over them. Anakin switched off the light with a wave of his hand and for a moment, they just lay there in the darkness, listening to each other's breathing in the silence.
"So you still miss Qui-Gon?" Obi-Wan whispered.
"Yes. I wonder, how does this sound to you, Obi-Wan? Your Master went missing a few weeks ago, and you have to comfort me because my Master died several years ago."
"I told you I know Master Dooku is still alive. He's not dead, so there's no reason to grieve. Sure, I miss him and I worry all the time. Being with you helps. If I was alone, it'd be much worse."
"Hm. Can you promise me one thing?"
"That depends."
Anakin chuckled softly. "I knew you'd say that. Well, promise me you'll come to me if there's ever anything I can do for you."
"Oh, right, that's not such a hard promise."
"I was being serious."
"And so was I."
"Do you promise?"
"Yes."
"Good." Anakin turned to his side so he was facing Obi-Wan. When their knees bumped together and Obi-Wan did not shrink away, Anakin dared to extend a hand and touch Obi-Wan's shoulder, his arm, his side. "Thank you." He meant a thousand things: For making me remember and for making me forget. For your friendship and your love. For listening and for being there.