Chapter 5: Disk 1.6 - Qu's Marsh & Chocobo's Forest and Disk 1.7 - Gizamaluke's Grotto & South Gate

Let's recap:

With much difficulty, Zidane and the party got Garnet out of Alexandria to their destination of Lindblum, only for her to screw everyone over and go back home like an idiot after wanting to get away from there. Steiner talks almost more than any other character - and each of his remarks just invokes disgust and infuriations. Comedic character you say? There are generally no good jokes from him.

[When going to reach Gizamaluke's Grotto, you can arrive at a marsh. Upon entering, the words "Qu's Marsh" appear on the screen. Heading a little further into the level, you see this is the Marsh where Moggy and Mogster, from the Moogle Tutorials, are from; eventually, you come across a rather...strange individual]

Qu's Marsh and Chocobo's Forest are optional but do have some things I want to point out.

Don't need to show the script for Qu's Marsh as the only things to say about it are that the Qus don't seem to be affected by the Mist, and that Zidane never asks Qu or Quale if they saw Garnet or Steiner go by, which would have really helped. Stupid contrivances.

[Another optional area you can visit is "Chocobo's Forest". Zidane enters the forest. A moogle is riding on a Chocobo, which stops directly in front of Zidane, before backing up. The moogle approaches Zidane]

"Kupooo!"

Mene "I'm Mene, master of this forest! This chocobo is my friend, kupo. His name is Choco."

Choco "Kweeeh!"

Mene "And this is..."

[Chocobo's Forest appears on the screen in big letters]

Zidane "Hey, did a cute girl with long hair come by here?"

Mene "No. But ugly girl came by here."

Everyone in IX says that Garnet is the most beautiful in the world, and only this Moogle calls her "ugly". Unless he was actually referring to Steiner which just adds more confusion since Garnet should be with him, Mene isn't going to mention a second person?

Zidane "Oh... I guess she didn't come this way."
"Maybe she's heading toward Burmecia after all... I'd better get movin'."

And of course Zidane isn't going to grill or question more because no one has any common sense, the plot contrivances are through the roof here.

Skipping the rest of this scene.

[The group eventually makes its way to Gizamaluke's Grotto. Those two words appears at the top of the screen in large letters, as thunder is heard. Freya walks forward, and sees two guards on the ground]

Freya "No...!"
[She kneels beside one]
"Come on! Get up!"
[She kneels beside the other one]
"Dammit! Say something!"

Where are those reinforcements from Lindblum that Cid mentioned?

Zidane "Oh, man..."

Freya "The black mages! Who are they!?"

Vivi "U-Um..."

Zidane "It's okay. You didn't do anything."

Freya "Vivi, aren't they your - "
"The king might be in danger!"
"Come on!"
[Freya runs into the Grotto]

Zidane "I sure hope Dagger didn't come here..."
"Let's go."

Shouldn't you actually be hoping she came here so that you can catch her before she does something really stupid? Unfortunately that doesn't happen and a lot painful stuff happens. Zidane should be more concerned.

[Inside the Grotto, you need to talk to a wounded soldier and receive a bell to open the door to the next room]

Zidane "Hey, are you alright!?"

Burmecian Soldier "...Black mages... Couldn't do anything."

Regarding Alexandria's take over here, it amazes me in general that brainless golems like the Black Mages, with simple spells, (spells that are freely used, for example, by ordinary Alexandrian soldiers!) cut out all the rats - despite the fact that Burmecia, as was later said, differs from Cleyra just by militancy. The point is that the mages are more destructive than they should be.

Zidane
"We're here to help. We're on our way to Burmecia."

Burmecian Soldier
"Ugh... I'm done for."
"Take this bell, and... go to Burmecia..."
"The black mages... took our bells..."
"The king's in...palace...Please protec..."
[He falls unconscious]

Zidane
"Hey!"
"I'll protect him. Don't worry."

Uh, what about Garnet, Zidane?

Skipping ahead.

[Zidane enters the next room, where three black mages attack a wounded Burmecian soldier, each black mage shouting "KILL!". Zorn and Thorn enter the room and jump once, in unison, before walking near the front of the room. Zidane enters and they stop]

Zorn "Who is that?"

Thorn "That, I don't know."

Zorn "I know I have seen him somewhere before."

Thorn "Somewhere before? I have not seen him. I know."

Zorn "I guess it is not important. Let's kill him."

Thorn "Yes, kill him, shall we?"

Do they seriously not recognize and remember the guy with a tail who "kidnapped" the princess Garnet that they were chasing across the Alexandria side of the Mist Continent? This is just dumb.

[Two black mages jump down. Battle begins, your team vs. those two. After defeating them, Zorn and Thorn are frightened]

Zorn "HEE! Savage monsters, they are!"

Thorn "Run away!"

[Zorn and Thorn run away. You need to fight the 3rd black mage (which is actually two) to get another Gizamaluke Bell. With that bell, you enter a door, and arrive at a room with a gigantic fallen bell. A female moogle is standing in front of it]
"Darling!"
"Can you hear me!?"
"Darling!"
"Please say something!"

I... see a moogle in a pink bathing suit?
I... uh... I don't even. What the eff?!

Zidane "I didn't expect to see a moogle here. What's wrong?"

Mogmi "My husband! He's inside this bell!"
"He's trapped! Kupo!"

Freya "You poor thing..."

Mogmi "We just held our wedding here."
"Then some scary clowns attacked us!"
"I was so scared! Kupooo!"

Skipping ahead.

"Kupooo! I love Kupo Nuts!"
[He runs off]

Mogmi "Darling! Where are you going!?"
"U-Um, thank you!"
[She runs after him]
"Darling!"

Zidane "What a crazy couple..."

Maybe you should be more jealous Zidane, considering your significant other drugged and abandoned you. There is more chemistry between these moogles than with you and Dagger.

Skipping ahead.

[You leave the room, pass through another door, and enter a sewer-like area. In there, a guard is sitting down, wounded. Freya runs up to him]

Freya "Are you alright!?"

Burmecian Soldier "Freya... Please be careful..."
"Master Gizamaluke has gone mad. He's being controlled by some strange clowns."

[Out of a tunnel in the wall, a huge serpent dives into the water. Boss battle begins vs. Gizamaluke. After defeating him, the four characters are standing around]

Regarding Gizamaluke, this game is still trying to convince me that a creature that looked like this was kind and good and married rats. Seriously, what is Gizamaluke? It is never explained WHAT he is or why they have him for this in the first place, or how he was being controlled by Zorn and Thorn.

Freya "What happened to Master Gizamaluke...?"
"We must hurry! His Majesty is in danger!"

[Screen changes to Steiner, carrying a stick with a bag attached, near a gate. The words "South Gate Grand Citadel" appear on the screen]

And here we go with Garnet's dumb "return to Alexandria" subplot.

It's bad enough for you as the player that all of your gameplay efforts for the first few hours of the game of getting Dagger out of Alexandria and to Lindblum have been rendered completely useless, but now the game is going to FORCE you to play through her stupidity of going back home and making all your playing pointless, wasting your time even more, people complain about Rinoa from VIII being stupid but she only forced you through one sidetrack of stupidity and it took only a few minutes. Quistis also only forced you through a whole stupid dungeon that ultimately had no effect on the plot except that it established Quistis as incredibly blaise about her duties, but she stopped after that and you were never forced to endure hours upon end of her inner monologues. Rinoa only threatened HERSELF and other people told her that, constantly. The hero chewed her out within the first disc for being so reckless and impulsive. See, people get on Squall for being a jerk. I love him because it's not often you see RPG heroes saying what you would have said to stupid characters.

Garnet's stupidity is going to take up several hours of gameplay and results in entire countries getting blown up because of her stupid - and she will never stop reminding you of her stupid and will never get called out on any of this.

Steiner (Once we cross this gate, we are in Alexandrian territory!)

[Steiner walks forward to the gate, but is stopped by two guards]

Short Guard "Hold it right there."

Tall Guard "What's the purpose of your visit?"

Steiner "I heard workers were needed to fix South Gate."
"I brought my belongings so that I might live and work here."

Tall Guard "That's great!"
"They've been working on the gate non-stop since the accident, but it's still broken."

Short Guard "I need to check your bag. Rules and regulations, you know."

Steiner "..."
[Puts the bag down]

Short Guard "Would you step back?"

[Steiner steps back]

Tall Guard "There, that's good. Sorry, just doing our job."
"So... Where are you from?"

Steiner (Blast, I must do something!)

Tall Guard "The police are searching for a girl and a middle-aged man. Did you see a pair like that on your way here?"

Seriously? Could Cid really not give out better descriptions of Garnet and Steiner, like say A FREAKING SUIT OF ARMOUR AND AN ORANGE JUMPSUIT!? Or better yet, give out a picture or at least a sketch of the two so that they would be recognized and prevent from passing the gate. Or also send out Minister Artania to watch the South Gate? This is so contrived it hurts.

Short Guard "This knot is really tight..."

Tall Guard "The girl supposedly looks exactly like Princess Garnet, the most beautiful princess ever to grace Alexandria Castle."

And yet a random moogle apparently thinks she is ugly.

Short Guard "I got it now."

Tall Guard "But you know how Queen Brahne looks. It's hard to believe that she'd have such a beautiful daughter."

Foreshadowing. Although considering that the original princess Garnet looked just like Dagger/Sarah, this still makes the guard's question valid.

Skipping ahead, Steiner just uses Gysahl Pickles as an excuse to get in and we get even more filler bullshit by way of making the coast clear by talking to a bunch of random people, that's one of the biggest problems, you have to play this whole darn stupid subplot out despite how obvious the whole thing it going to turn out. It's just painful and dragged out for a forgone conclusion.

Dagger "Steiner...? Is it okay for me to come out?"

Steiner "Yes!"

Dagger "Thank you. I will come out now. Please keep an eye out."

Steiner "Yes!"

[Steiner runs to one end of the alley and keeps a lookout, while Dagger gets out]

Rustle rustle...
Rustle rustle...

Dagger "Oh, finally! Some fresh air!"
"What a horrible smell... it gave me a terrible headache."
(Maybe I'll get changed while he's on lookout)

[Dagger changes]

Completely unnecessary and inappropriate clothes changing. EVEN if Garnet had a spare suit with her all this time (and that couldn't be), she's been in a stinky bag the whole time, and her spare clothes were there as well. What's the point of changing?

However, if we recall the early draft script by Sakaguchi of the scenario at the beginning of the game in Alexandria (look up "Sakaguchi posts old Final Fantasy IX developer memos"):

"[MOVIE] 4: Close up of Princess Garnet. Close up of her breasts. View of her breasts inside the clothes"

Hmmm.

Dagger "You can turn around now, Steiner."

Steiner "Princess...!"

Dagger "Steiner!"

Steiner "Yes...? Oh, um, yes, Miss Dagger."

Dagger "You have to call me Dagger until we reach Treno. Don't salute me, either."

Uh, that whole "Dagger" thing is pretty pointless since you are going back home anyway.

Steiner "Yes, until we reach Treno and find a way back to the castle, I will be careful."

Dagger "Okay, let's go!"

[Dagger and Steiner approach a cable car]

Dagger "Wow...!"
"That cable car will take us to the summit."
"We're almost there, Steiner. Alexandria is just beyond the summit, right?"
"I managed it without Zidane's help...!"

So that's what this boils down to. Good lord this girl is selfish, yeah the guy who risked his life for you and loved you, you are just going to dismiss because of your selfish independence and arrogance because you are a whiny momma's girl who contradicts herself and can't figure out answers to obvious mysteries, such as "the strange white-haired man" being the real source of the problem and focusing on him, rather than this "abandon Zidane and your friends and run home to talk to mommy with no forethought whatsoever".

Steiner "You never needed him to begin with, Princess."

You shut up too Steiner, you being a part of this dumb subplot also means your arc sucks. Seriously how much better would it have been if Steiner actually witnessed what Beatrix was doing in Burmecia, leading to some actual drama and conflict between them, but no, he is absent for all that, and Beatrix gets no confrontation and emotional drama from Steiner or Garnet, just from Freya which itself was pretty weak.

Dagger "..."

[Dagger runs up to the Conductor]

Conductor "Will you be boarding Berkmea?"
[Choose between "Board" and "Don't board". Have to board sometime]

Conductor "May I see your Gate Pass?"

Dagger "Okay!"

Conductor "Yep, that's the one."
"We can depart right away, if you want." [Choose between "Depart" or "Not yet". Again, you have to depart sooner or later. So, first choice]
"Alright, then. Please go inside. We'll be departing shortly."

[Dagger and Steiner enter the cable car, and Dagger picks out their seats]

Dagger "Let's sit here."

Actually there is an interesting thing I want to point out here, in the concept art for the inside of the cable car, it actually shows ZIDANE in there along with Steiner, instead of Garnet who is nowhere to be seen, that seems to suggest that there was supposed to be a different way this part of the game was supposed to go, but for whatever reason (rushing, bad direction from Sakaguchi, I don't know), they went with this cliché and pointless nonsensical scenario instead.

Conductor "Please wait while I prepare for departure."

Part-time Worker Mary "Wait! Wait for me!"
"Pant, pant... I made it!"
[She walks up to Steiner]
"Thank you for your kind words earlier."

Steiner "No, I thank you."

Part-time Worker Mary "?"

Conductor "Now departing!"

[Mary sits down, and Steiner goes to sit across from Dagger. The cable car takes off]

Dagger "Phew... I feel more relaxed now."

Steiner "That is understandable. Our journey from Lindblum was very tough. But..."
"...it was your white magic that helped me through the battles against all those monsters..."
"...your fortitude that got us past the obnoxious moogles in Chocobo's Forest..."
"...and finally, your idea to use gysahl pickles to get past the South Gate guards!"
"I am thoroughly impressed by your intelligence and courage, Princess!"

Yes because returning all the way back to the place we just spent the whole beginning of the game to escape from (rendering the whole kidnapping/running away from Alexandria completely pointless) to "talk with your mother" (something someone with an otherwise perfect relationship with their mother would do FIRST before ESCAPING) with no one to back you up and not thinking it through is so "intelligent". Stop the shilling Steiner.

Dagger "Steiner, you can't call me that."

Steiner "My apologies. I'm just not used to..."

Dagger "It's okay. I made lots of mistakes when Zidane taught me how to talk like this."

You barely talked like that at all, stop making it out to be a big deal.

Steiner "That peasant had no manners whatsoever!"
"Although...he did have some wit for a bumpkin, but..."
"The way he spoke to you was simply unacceptable!"
"I say good riddance."

Yeah yeah, blah blah, you hate Zidane, people say Steiner has "good development" but the fact that said "development" happens during this whole dumb subplot doesn't make things better, his development would have been better if he went to Burmecia instead.

[The scene fades out on them, and returns to Gizamaluke's Grotto, with the four characters, after defeating Gizamaluke, helping a wounded soldier]

Freya "Can you stand up?"

Burmecian Soldier "Don't worry... about me..."
"Please... protect Bur...me..."
[He dies]

Freya "I will protect Burmecia. You have my word."

[All four of the characters run out of the Grotto, returning to the World Map]

End of Chapter 5.