We get a bit more insight into the weight a specific parent carries when no one else is watching.
Regina pushed her glasses up her nose and tucked her ankle against her thigh. She balanced in front of the stove and sang along to the music under her breath. It was barely nine a.m., and Regina was proud to note that Emma slept through the night without issue. And if anyone said anything about Regina sleeping in the same bed, they didn't say it to her face. Regina was afraid of being too far away if Emma woke up, and yes. That's the excuse she's sticking with. Regina carefully flipped the pancake and shifted onto her other foot, tucking the opposite ankle against her leg. She took the day off, telling her secretary that she was under the weather and to use that excuse for anyone who asked. Ruby was working the morning shift before coming back. Killian was outside reading, and Regina wasn't surprised at all. The former pirate found Regina's classical literature books the other night and wanted to read more into the subject. Regina didn't blame him. The lyricism of the classics is unmatched. It's one of the few things Regina connected with the first couple of months in the new realm.
Flipping the pancake onto the plate, Regina wrapped the food in foil. She placed the plate in the oven and went to the refrigerator to grab the bacon. She stripped the bacon into individual pieces and put each slice on the skillet. Regina hid her yawn behind her hand. She spent the entire night thinking of her babies. It took a lot of effort not to speak or mention them as often as she wanted, and the pain of losing them grew into a subtle ache. Regina felt it every morning and every night. She could smile and laugh with Ruby and Granny, but Killian was the only one who saw Regina crumble and fall apart in the dead of night when the silence was too loud. Regina touched the ring hidden under her hoodie and briefly closed her eyes, swallowing the emotion bubbling in her chest. She sincerely hoped her children still had their jewelry because of the sheer amount of magic and blood that went into making them.
Regina glanced outside and frowned.
The type of magic that Liana pulled off that night….
It was the family secret that only Regina carried. Rumple knew as well, but he didn't count as he knew nearly everything about her life in the Enchanted Forest. Still, Regina had been weighed down with guilt when Liana died. Rumplestiltskin assured her that Liana died from a non-magical illness, and some guilt vanished, but the entire situation haunted Regina. Those rings were crafted from Hell's Gold, a type of metal that not even Rumple messed with without hesitation, but Liana was insistent. She wanted their children to be safe at all times, and Regina caved when Bella and Kieran grew into their abilities.
Regina knew Bella's powers came from Charles and her birth mother, who kept their abilities secret from nearly everyone. Bella's pyrokinesis was a surprise and a terror. Charles had no idea where it came from, and Regina didn't know if it was worth researching. But Kieran was the anomaly. Well, no. She was more like an unforeseen development. Liana didn't have magic, per se, but she wasn't non-magical. The things her best friend did came from a power that Rumple said went above his "pay-grade."
Regina's eyes slightly glazed over as another secret slipped through the cracks, and she touched her hip. When Liana revealed her pregnancy, the accepted rumor and gossip was that she slept with the local blacksmith, Lionel. That was the end of it until Rumple, shortly after the curse broke, visited Regina for a truce. Regina didn't hate him. She was angry about being manipulated, but they used each other. There was no reason to keep fighting. Dark One or not, Rumple was Regina's ally. He knew her darkest secrets, more than Ruby and Granny, and he knew her darkest urges. But he also knew the other side of her, and Rumple came to Regina with the sole purpose of revealing things to her that she never knew. Things like the reason she had a scar on her hip.
Before Kieran was born, Regina remembered the day she woke up with a thin line on her hip, close to her womb, and thought nothing of it. She always had random cuts and bruises, courtesy of her dresses and a daughter who liked causing chaos wherever she went. But Rumple told her it was more than that. Liana's dabble in blood rituals didn't start with the rings but with the child growing in her stomach. Kieran was a biological miracle, in Rumple's opinion. A child with genetic material from not two but four people was a magical phenomenon that shouldn't be possible, but it was.
Kieran was biologically Liana and Lionel's but Regina and Charles' also.
Regina had a memory flitter to the forefront of her mind of the night of Charles' death. She didn't think anything of the scar on his side as Charles was a soldier. Scars were a part of the job description, but Rumple's revelation changed things. Regina remembered the look on Liana's face that night as she whispered to Kieran that her father loved her very much.
Regina destroyed her study in a fit of rage and pain. Instead of leaving, Rumple stayed with her well into the morning and cleaned the cuts on her knuckles. They never spoke of it again, but it was always there in the back of her mind.
Always.
Someone coughed, and Regina twisted to find Emma leaning heavily against the doorframe, eyes bloodshot. She turned off the stove and wiped her fingers on a towel. Regina rushed to Emma, leading her to the closest stool.
"You should not be up."
"Nightmare."
Regina sighed and said, "I meant you should not be out of bed. You lost a lot of energy last night, and your body still needs to recover."
"Heard the music," Emma yawned, laying her head on the island. "Why am I at your house?"
"I just told you." Emma opened one eye and stared at Regina. Regina tugged on her hoodie sleeves and added, "Because you needed to sleep without interruption. Calling Snow or David to come to get you would have been counterproductive, seeing as they were the reason your magical core fractured in the first place."
"Fractured?" Emma repeated. "How can magic fracture?"
"You suffered some form of emotional trauma that triggered your core to essentially," Regina gestured with her hands, "fracture or break. You tapped into the rawest state of your magic, and you unleashed it on the docks that I spent a lot of money repairing after the last magical catastrophe."
"I'm sorry?"
"What? Oh, no. That was me being- never mind. I do not blame you for what happened to the docks. I blame your mother."
"Can we not talk about Snow at the moment?"
"That is probably the greatest thing you have ever said," Regina joked.
Emma grunted and pointed at the stove.
"You're making bacon."
"I was, yes."
"Why did you stop?"
"Because a stubborn and prideful Sheriff distracted me."
"She sounds awful."
"The absolute worst. Are you going to sit there and rest while I finish breakfast?"
"Do I get bacon?"
"Yes, Emma, you can get bacon."
"Then you can wake me up when the food is done."
Regina fought the smile threatening to break free. She relit the skillet and focused on cooking, not the eyes roaming over her body from someone who was supposed to be sleeping.
"I've never seen you like this."
"Like what?" Regina asked.
"Domestic? Normal."
"My corsets are at the dry-cleaners."
"I'm being serious."
"So am I. Did you think I washed those in a machine? They were handmade, and I refuse to ruin them for the sake of convenience."
Emma lifted her head and narrowed her eyes on the back of Regina's head.
"Why can't I tell if you're joking or not?"
"You can ask the dry-cleaner yourself if you would like. I go every Monday and pick them up every Friday in pristine condition."
"But where do you even wear them for them to get dirty?"
Regina glanced over her shoulder and winked. Emma flushed red, and they turned when Killian came inside. His hair fell in his face, long enough to cover a portion of his forehead, and he waved at Emma.
"Morning, Swan."
"Good morning, Killian," Emma said slowly.
Her face was pinched in confusion, glancing between Killian and Regina, and Regina could see how it would look from an outsider's perspective. Regina waited, however, to see how it played out. Killian put his book on the table near the patio door and went to Regina. He kissed the top of her head and leaned against the stove.
"You sleep alright?"
"No more than my usual," she answered.
"Are you still taking your medicine?"
"No, I need a refill, and Archie has been exceptionally slow with signing off on it."
"Want me to go tell him you're threatening to curse everyone again?"
"Not that it hasn't crossed my mind, but no," Regina snorted. "I can exist another week without it."
"A week?" Killian sputtered. "Gina, that's-
"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Emma was about to push herself up when Regina shot her a look, and Emma huffed as she sat back down. "Since when are you two this close?" she asked.
"I told you that we knew each other," Killian said.
"This," Emma motioned between them, "is more than that. You're at her house in shorts and a tank-top, you're kissing her on the head, and you're reading one of her favorite books. It's weird."
"Which part is weird?" Regina drawled. "That Killian is my best friend or that I have a best friend?"
"That's not what I'm saying, and you know it," Emma argued. "I'm just saying it would've been nice to know-
"We're not dating, Swan," Killian interrupted.
"I never said you were dating."
"No, but you were thinking it. And while it would be an honor to have the attention of her Majesty, I'm afraid I'm not her type or her interest."
"You are as troublesome as my niece," Regina scoffed.
"A compliment, I assure you."
"Go shower, Killian. You smell like the ocean."
"A smell you said you liked on me."
Regina squinted at him and said, "I was drunk and feeling sentimental."
"You wound me, your Majesty."
Regina mushed him with her free hand. Killian chuckled and ruffled Emma's hair before he left the kitchen. Regina finished the bacon and opened a cabinet for another plate.
"I feel like you still didn't tell me everything at lunch."
Regina looked over her shoulder and asked, "Emma, do you have feelings for Killian?"
"What? No! I told you I didn't like him anymore."
"But you seem upset, and I am confused on why. Does it bother you that Killian and I are close?"
"It just reminds me that I'm still not as up-to-date on things that seem important."
"My friendship with Killian is important?"
"Well, yeah. Killian means something to you, right?"
"Despite my best efforts at pretending otherwise, yes."
"Then that's why. Anything that makes you happy is important to me."
"And that is where I get confused because you have never treated me or my happiness like they mattered to you. All I have gotten from you is accusations and distrust."
"I thought we were starting over?"
"One lunch is not going to change two years' worth of emotional suffering that you and your family put me through. So, you have to excuse me if I am a little slow to believe that you care about my happiness when it has never been a factor in our past interactions."
Emma swallowed roughly and looked down. Guilt rushed over Regina, and she left the plate on the counter. She went over to Emma and sat beside her.
"I'm sorry. I had a rough night, and I'm taking it out on you."
"But you're not wrong. I've done a shit job at being your friend."
"Emma, we were never friends," Regina said carefully. "We were reluctant allies at best when the situation called for it, and in the spirit of honesty, I have never seen you as a friend."
"What have you seen me as?"
Regina wanted to tell Emma that she saw her as a new start, a fresh beginning. But she pushed those thoughts aside and said, "I saw you as a means to an end and another reminder of what I don't have. Seeing you with Snow White was a gut check every single day, and I spent hours crying over your existence. For a long time, your mother and father were the main sources of my anger. And then you came along, and all that anger went into ensuring you didn't get to live a good life."
"You were successful," Emma joked weakly.
"And I am sorry about that. I had no idea – what you went through was never considered, and that was unfair. It was cruel, and I have spent decades regretting it, but I wanted Snow to feel what I felt when she took my children from me. I wanted Snow to watch her child vanish into this unknown world without her protection and feel the panic and pain that comes from it. Had I known you would grow up how you did, I would have hesitated to cast the curse. But I was lost in anger for a long time, Emma. Anger and grief can poison someone from the inside out. And I was killing myself by holding onto it for as long as I did."
"Why are you telling me all of this?"
"As you said, we are starting over. We should have conversations like this if we want to be equals. And that means talking about this because we cannot ignore the fact that I was the catalyst that caused you to be sent here as a newborn."
"But you didn't put me in the wardrobe."
"I still-
"No, Regina. Curse aside, Snow and David chose to send me away. They chose to trust in some prophecy or some pre-destined bullshit that I would come back and save them. I went through Hell, Regina. I have seen things, experienced things, and done things that no person should ever have to just to survive. I was," Emma grimaced, "abused by people who swore to protect me and love me. I was assaulted, and I had something taken from me at a young age that I will never get back. I got into fights with men twice my size, stole food from gas stations, and I slept under park benches during the middle of winter. I went to prison because the man I thought cared about me used me and left me when I needed him the most. I gave up my son because I knew I would never be able to take care of him. And while I have said things out of anger, I never blamed you for any of that. You have never been the cause for my suffering. The people responsible were the people that hurt me, and that is not on you."
Regina didn't know how much she needed to hear those words until that moment. She turned away from Emma and tried to swallow the lump in her throat. Calloused fingers gently grabbed her chin, and Regina allowed Emma to turn her head. A tear slipped free, and Emma wiped it away with her thumb.
"I'm so sorry, Regina. I'm so sorry that you have spent so long thinking that all of the bad that has happened is your fault. And I'm sorry that I've not taken a second out of my life to look at you and see that the woman running this town is a human being with real emotions and feelings. You are allowed to change, to grow, and you are allowed to earn forgiveness. You are allowed to want to be happy, and you are allowed the room and space to heal." Emma cupped Regina's face. "I want to know you because the person I see behind closed doors is worth it. You deserve every bit of happiness and love and support this world can give you. Your happiness matters to me more than you think, and whatever I need to do to make it happen is nothing more than I can handle."
Regina scrambled back, nearly falling from the stool, and she held out her hand to keep Emma from moving. Regina shook her head and ran from the kitchen. Emma's hands fell limp to her lap, and she dropped her head to the table.
"Fuck," she sighed.
Someone sat beside her, and she peeked over at Killian. He was freshly showered, hair combed away from his face, and wore his usual wear. He wrapped one arm around her and said softly, "She scares easily. Be patient with her."
Emma grunted and asked, "How long did it take you to get in her good graces?"
"I have no idea," he admitted. "I ask myself all the time when Regina let me in, but I'm glad that she did. Regina is a good person to have in your corner."
"I know."
"You'll be coming over for dinner in no time if you keep trusting your instincts."
"What do you mean?"
"You knew what she needed to hear, and you told her the truth. That earns major points in her book. But she's scared of you."
"Why me?"
"You have the power to break her, Emma," Killian murmured. "More than anyone here."
Emma sat up straight and looked him in the eyes. He gave nothing away, but Emma's heart nearly beat from her chest at his comment. She chose to let the moment pass and glanced down at her clothes. Laughing, Emma tugged uselessly at her shirt.
"I have nothing to wear here or at the loft," she said. "Well, nothing I want to wear."
"Regina gave me her card to go shopping," Killian said.
"What? I'm not spending her money."
"She said you'd be against it, so she told me to tell you that you are free to pay her back however you wish. Regina wants us to keep all the receipts for each item we purchase, and we have a list of things to get from the grocery store as well. You are free to get as much and whatever you want. She's not exactly strapped for cash. You can borrow anything you want from my room until we get your new clothes. Now, go shower and do whatever it is you need to do. We have a trip ahead of us."
"Wait, where are we going?"
Killian just smiled.
"You ran."
"Ruby."
"The woman you've been crushing on since she got here poured her heart out to you, and you ran."
"Can you just get me my coffee?"
"This is going to either be a missed opportunity or the world's greatest love story."
"I can hear you."
"That was the point. Do you want creamer?"
"I will take it the same way I always take it."
"With a miserable sigh and a depressed head shake?"
"Give me my coffee," Regina huffed.
Ruby snorted and poured Regina's coffee. When Regina ran, she naturally went to the one place where she would feel comfortable expressing her emotions without consequence. Of course, that was before Regina remembered that her niece took great pleasure in teasing her about her crush on someone off-limits. And straight. Regina sighed and took her coffee, and she ignored the knowing smile on Ruby's face as she sipped at it. The bell over the door sounded, and Regina knew before Ruby's smile ever faded what was coming.
"Where is my daughter?"
"How am I supposed to know? Don't you have a tracker on her or something?" When Snow didn't answer, Regina spun around slowly and blinked. "Please tell me you do not have a tracker on Emma," she added in exasperation.
"It's an app on her phone," Snow said defensively. "And the last place it pinged was at the docks."
"And that translates to her being with me how?"
"Because you mysteriously take the day off the day she disappears. And I thought you were sick."
"I said I was under the weather. That can mean a multitude of things. As for Emma, have you tried the docks? The school? The station? Literally anywhere else?"
Snow clenched her fists and said, "I know you know where she is. I heard you two had lunch together and that you were," Snow scowled, "laughing."
"Oh, how terrible. The Evil Queen laughs," Regina mocked. "She must be up to something."
"Are you?"
"For the love of- no, I am not. I am trying to enjoy a cup of coffee before I return home to crawl in my bed and sleep the rest of the day. Does that satisfy your curiosity?"
"Look, you can fool everyone else, but I know you. I know your heart is cold and evil," Snow said.
Regina stood, slightly towering over Snow, and she leaned over to look Snow in the eyes. The diner got quiet.
"How does it feel, Snow?" Regina whispered. "To not know where your child is? To not know if she's safe and healthy? How does it feel to have your entire world narrowed to one thought that suffocates you from the inside out?"
"Tell me where she is," Snow gritted out.
Regina adjusted her coat and picked up the to-go cup that Ruby instinctively filled while she wasn't looking. "I don't know where your child is. But I hope you return to school at some point, though. I'm sure the children there miss you. Which is a good thing because I doubt your own spawn wants to see you right now after what you did."
"How did you know about that?"
"What do you mean?" Regina asked, faking confusion. "I haven't spoken to Emma since our happy and enlightening lunch."
Snow glared at her, and Regina patted Snow's cheek.
"You have a wonderful day, my beloved step-daughter," she mocked.
Killian unscrewed his hook and put it in the glove compartment. He put on the prosthetic Whale gave him and pulled his sleeve down to cover the bottom. It was still an odd fit, but it was better than walking around with a hook. He glanced over at Emma to see if she was ready, but she was staring in disbelief at the store. Emma turned to Killian, her eyes narrowed and curious.
"You can leave Storybrooke with your memories intact."
"I probably should have given you that warning."
"And you drive me to a Target outside of town while I was blindfolded."
"I wanted to surprise you. And is this not acceptable? There is a mall down-
"No, I- how did you know there was a Target here?" she asked.
"Regina and I took a trip here last month with Ruby."
"You three left without telling anyone?"
"We leave all the time, Emma," Killian laughed. "Regina likes Starbucks. She doesn't want to spend the money to build one in Storybrooke, so we come out here to get her caffeine fix and purchase the beans. I'm not sure why we don't get shipments, but I think it's because Regina likes being able to leave and get it herself. She's a hoarder of Starbucks beans."
Emma sat back.
"You have a car-
"That I can only drive with adult supervision, for obvious reasons-
"- and the ability to leave town-
"- but only with Regina, Ruby, and I guess you-
"- and you know what Target is! You have a prosthetic hand, a knowledge of classical literature, and you speak fluent Spanish."
"I am confused on why you are pointing out these things to me."
Emma shook her head and said, "I think my life just got a lot more interesting being in Regina's circle."
"You're not there yet, but when you are, you'll know."
Killian grinned at Emma as he got out of the car and waited for her to join him. When she did, Emma seemed nervous, and Killian touched her arm to get her attention.
"Hey, whatever you buy in here will be yours to keep," he promised. "No one will take it from you. I won't let them, and neither will Regina or Ruby. Even Granny might partake in a fisticuff over you. This is for you and you alone."
Emma sniffed and hurriedly wiped away a stray tear. She lightly elbowed Killian in the side and said, "No one says fisticuff anymore, idiot."
"Got you to smile, didn't it? Come on. I'm supposed to be your peanut gallery or something."