Two days is a lot better than two months, right?
Anyway, the new Naruto gaiden chapter came out today and I'm in tears. Amused tears, I mean. Can it really get worse from here on? I'm sure it can. Salad surprisingly seems like the only character that isn't a cardboard cut-out though.
As for this chapter, I'm very excited because things are gonna get interesting! Some of you were worried that Sasuke is going to have a hard time after this, but we'll see if you have the same worries after reading this. Well maybe you will. I haven't had time to reply to reviews yet but I'll do it as soon as I can, gotta run off to the stable now. This chapter is brought to you by my skipped lecture. You're welcome.
Chapter 17: Fire
xxx
Irritated. Yes, that's how he felt. Immensely irritated, as if the feeling crawled along his skin and then burrowed deep inside of him. His fingers twitched but to no avail, he couldn't lift them to scratch the patches of skin where goose bumps erupted. So he stayed still, gritting his teeth when all he wanted was to break something. Preferably the thing that irritated him, he just had no idea what it was. Was it even anything? It was confusing that he would feel so annoyed, and for no apparent reason.
Actually, what was even going on? He had no idea, but the crawling feeling disappeared to leave a prickling sense of confusion in its stead. What was happening to him? He tried to look around himself but there was nothing to see, as if he was inside a pale vacuum. Nothingness everywhere, and confusion slipped away to leave room for crippling loneliness.
God, he hated this feeling. He hated that he couldn't push it away, hated the pain twisting inside his body but it didn't help, he still felt alone and it hurt. It hurt so, so bad and he tried to curl in on himself, tried to keep the darkness away as his body shook. He was freezing, a painful coldness stiffening his spine and joints and he could barely breathe, pressure pushing down on him from all sides.
A sudden warmth flooded him, and he gasped for air as his lungs remembered how to function again. He felt filled with golden liquid, heating him up from the inside and burning away the pain. He hadn't noticed his heartbeat skyrocketing until it calmed down, his entire body feeling light and pleasant. Compared to the pain, this was pure bliss. He never wanted it to end. Simply floating inside this warmth forever… it didn't sound so bad. It was relaxing, dulling his senses and cloaking him in sweetness.
But it would disappear, wouldn't it? Like everything else in his life so far. Immediately he could feel worry gnaw at the edges of the warmth that enveloped him, gnawing and leaving holes filled with nauseating darkness. He grasped for it, desperately, but it kept slipping through his numb fingertips. He wanted to call out to it, beg for it to stay, but knew it was futile.
Again, he was left with nothing. He was starting to get tired of that. Every time he thought he knew where he was going, the ground was ripped from underneath his feet and when he landed again, it was in an entirely new, unfamiliar setting. It was tiresome. He was tired of being alone, tired of not knowing where to go, what to do, how to feel… Tired of not being able to guide himself, when everyone around him tried to manipulate him.
But there was someone. There was someone who never lied, someone who never tried to hurt him, someone Sasuke had hurt instead.
Slowly, like a whisper caressing his ears, another feeling took shape within him. It pushed at the darkness, and bit by bit, it seemed to fade. First into a dark grey, then lighter, until color bled through the gaps in the walls that had been surrounding him.
Barely familiar, and highly unwelcome, Sasuke had no choice but to endure this feeling as it invaded his conscious thoughts, bright and demanding attention.
Once he got rid of this crap, he had a dobe to punch.
xxx
Naruto sat by Sasuke's hospital bed, again he might add, head resting on his crossed arms on top of the mattress. He really hated hospitals. Nothing good ever came out of them, no matter how much Sakura sometimes tried to convince him of the opposite. Especially not concerning Sasuke.
Tilting his head a little he stared at Sasuke's unconscious face, too tired to feel upset anymore. It must have been half a day since he was put in this bed, and Naruto had only left once to visit the bathroom by the end of the corridor. Actually, he'd left a clone with Sasuke that time so it was only technically leaving him. None of the nurses had asked him to leave, and Orochimaru had sighed in resignation upon seeing him still sitting by Sasuke's side when visiting hours were over in the evening.
The door opened, but he didn't bother checking who it was. Nurses and doctors had came and went the whole day, and even though it was late at night now he supposed they were still doing rounds.
"Naruto?"
He sucked in a breath, but didn't move when Kushina entered the room and grabbed a chair to sit next to him.
"I just came back from my mission," she explained in a quiet voice, and Naruto was thankful that she didn't start by asking about Sasuke.
Because he really didn't know what to tell.
"I see," he said, still with his back towards her.
When he felt gentle fingers stroking his neck in a comforting motion he stiffened, then relaxed into the touch. It made him feel a little less lonely.
"Orochimaru-sensei told me they haven't figured out what's wrong with him yet."
He bit the inside of his cheek but nodded once, the hand holding Sasuke's limp wrist tightening around it.
"I'm sure he'll be back to health in no time. He's really strong, isn't he?"
There was a painful lump lodged in Naruto's throat that simply refused to disappear no matter how many times he swallowed.
"He shouldn't be here at all," he whispered, surprised by how hoarse his voice sounded.
Though, he hadn't said anything for hours, only sat here and occasionally pumped chakra into Sasuke since it seemed to be the only thing that smoothened out his features when they scrunched up in pain. The drugs didn't work, something they'd found out early on, because somehow Sasuke's body resisted them. Naruto wondered if it was something he'd picked up while working for Orochimaru, but of course he couldn't tell them that.
"Of course not," Kushina agreed soothingly, squeezing his shoulder. "But the medics here are competent, they'll figure it out."
Naruto didn't answer. He missed Sakura and Tsunade at home, they would for sure know what to do. If anything he'd at least feel a little better about it because he trusted them. For all he knew, it could be these people doing this to Sasuke. But what other choice did he have?
At the moment Sasuke's life force was a steady, calm beat in Naruto's chest. Whenever it became irregular he knew what to expect by now, first the pained look on his face, then the twitching of his fingers before his breathing became shallow and his skin paled even more. It had happened the first times they'd tried blocking the pain with drugs, and just the memory of it hurt.
Sasuke didn't deserve this. He deserved to be happy, deserved to be safe, everything that Naruto had seemingly failed to give him so far.
"Oh, honey," Kushina cooed, and Naruto hadn't realized he'd been crying until she gathered him into her arms and hugged him tightly. "We'll do everything we can to help, okay? It'll be okay, I promise."
He nodded, face pressed against her chest as he tried to suppress the choked sobs escaping him. He was just so tired, and everything was a mess, and Sasuke acting strange scared him so much he didn't know what to do. One hand still held onto Sasuke's wrist, and the other he used to furiously rub at his eyes. Crying wouldn't help, he needed to be strong for Sasuke, he needed to-
But Kushina took a hold of his hand and removed it from his face, her eyes filled with honest concern and empathy in the dim lighting of the bedside lamp.
"You don't need to hold back your tears, Naruto. You'll feel better if you let it all out. And then afterwards I'll get you something to eat."
He sniffled, helpless as new tears welled up at the corners of his eyes. Without Sasuke standing by his side he felt so small and pathetic, even if he was a ninja, even if he was a supposed hero. He couldn't bear the thought of losing Sasuke to some strange illness in a strange world with no idea of why they were there or who brought them there.
"It's okay, kid," Kushina said, giving him a reassuring smile as she wiped some tears off his cheek with a thumb. "Everything will feel better in the morning."
Naruto prayed that she was right.
xxx
Sadness. Happiness. Pain. Relief. Worry. Anger.
The emotions kept tumbling through his mind, giving way to each other like there was a queue. Some stayed longer, some barely brushed him before rushing off to the end of the queue again. There didn't seem to be an end in sight, but there wasn't much he could do besides endure.
So he endured.
xxx
It was midday, and Naruto felt lethargic. He hadn't really managed to eat during the night despite Kushina's tries, and honestly he couldn't bring himself to care that much.
Still in his uncomfortable chair he fidgeted a little, trying to get some blood running through his legs again. He knew he should probably move around a bit so he didn't fall asleep, but couldn't find the energy. He'd slid down halfway, but since the chair was pulled up so close to the bed, Sasuke's hand was within easy reach. Sometimes he held it, just because.
He'd had a lot of time to think, but nothing productive had come out of it. He was angry, but there was nothing to direct his anger towards. Not even Menma, because Sasuke had been just as much at fault for their fight. Well, maybe Menma was a bit more responsible.
As if the thought had summoned him, there was a knock on the door and his counterpart stepped inside. He didn't look happy about being there, eyes stubbornly downcast, a plastic bag hanging from one hand.
"'Sup?" he said, sounding as reluctant as he looked, causing Naruto to sigh and return attention to Sasuke's sleeping form instead.
"Don't bother," he muttered, but Menma walked closer until he stood on the opposite side of the bed.
"I brought you food."
Naruto glanced at the bag, noticing the familiar shape of the container inside. But even Ichiraku's ramen couldn't lift his mood particularly.
"Mom says you have to eat, or she'll come force feed you."
"Then why did she send you?"
Menma scuffed his shoe on the floor, thinning his lips with a frown.
"To apologize," he mumbled, and Naruto couldn't help but glare at him.
"You don't look very sorry," he accused, crossing his arms and straightening up.
Menma opened his mouth to argue but seemed to change his mind because he clamped his mouth shut, sending an uneasy glance towards Sasuke.
"I just thought that if I made you fight, you'd show your true faces," he finally admitted, staring at Naruto defiantly.
"Our true faces?" Naruto was surprised, and it must have made Menma relax somewhat because he sighed and shoved one hand down a pocket in his loose shorts.
"Well, last time you showed up everything got fucked up. No one else seems to think it was your fault but…"
The innuendo was obvious, and Naruto scoffed at him.
"We're not the bad guys here, if anything, last time it was you!"
"The masked man used me and everyone else to get to you, I don't care if you're innocent, it's still your fault everything happened."
Naruto didn't know what to say to that. In a way, it was true. If Obito hadn't brought him and Sakura there, he'd never have used Menma to try and kill him.
Menma's lips stretched into a triumphant smile, but rather than rub it in he simply dumped the container of ramen next to Sasuke and walked towards the door.
"Sasuke better hurry up and get better so we can have a proper fight," he said, and strangely enough it made Naruto feel a little better.
Maybe he should try to eat after all, since the ramen was already here and everything. But when he opened the container, he let out an annoyed curse.
Of course that asshole would give him ramen with menma in it.
xxx
Anxiously, he waited for that feeling of golden bliss. It came now and then, and it was much preferable to the other emotions he suffered through. Absentmindedly he wondered if waiting was a feeling, too. He'd been waiting for his brother as a child.
The memories came easy to him in this state. How excited he'd been. How Itachi would poke his forehead and say "next time" and how young Sasuke would believe him. He'd believed everything his brother said. Or had he? Now he wasn't so sure. Had he really believed him, or had he just wanted to believe him? His belief in Konoha had been much more blind.
And Konoha had murdered his family.
Like snakes, he could feel the familiar feeling of hatred slither up his arms and encircle his neck. The pressure was familiar, too. If he didn't run forwards at full speed he ran the risk of the snakes coiling tighter to form a noose.
Though, some days he would have preferred that.
Ah, there it was again. He floated, happily void of thought for a while. It never lasted, but it always returned. There was a certain comfort in knowing that, and every time it did, the emotions following seemed less intense, less painful. It was soothing, and few things in Sasuke's past had been. So he enjoyed it while it lasted, pushing away everything else. He'd never thought he needed a mental break, but now that he'd experienced one, he'd come to realize that it wasn't so bad.
There were always too many things below the surface that tried to catch his attention, tried to steal his strength and render him weak and useless. Not having a specific goal made him feel weak. It had been bothering him ever since he returned to Konoha, to the place he despised the most.
What was his goal?
But in these moments of bliss he didn't need a goal. He didn't need to think about his choices, didn't need to feel the disconnection between Naruto in Konoha, on one hand, and Konoha itself, on the other.
He heaved a mental sigh, because as soon as he thought of Naruto, that other feeling turned up uninvited. He didn't like the feeling. It was embarrassing and unwanted and the worst part was that he just knew it was the lone cause that he'd never gone through with his plans to destroy Konoha.
Even Itachi hadn't managed to sway him. So why Naruto? They hadn't even done much besides fight each other.
But in this place, there was no one to fool other than himself.
That didn't mean he was happy about it, however. There were things he'd wanted to do and knowing he'd been hindered by something as measly as emotions didn't sit quite right with him. The past year had been nothing but coming up with pathetic excuses to stay where he was and help rebuild the very place he'd vowed to destroy. Not that he'd ever admitted it to himself.
If there was one thing Sasuke hated besides Konoha, it was losing control. Not being in control of himself and the situation felt terrible, and he'd do anything to avoid it.
And yet, the worst part was that being with Naruto, he felt both in control yet so helplessly lacking it. He knew he could leave if he wanted to, but he also knew that Naruto would find him again and make him not want to leave.
But Naruto had said he wouldn't chase after him if he had a good reason for leaving.
Did he? Did he have any reasons at all, for anything in his life? At least Naruto was something, something he could hold on to when nothing else was left. Sure, he could have gone travelling with Taka, but where? Why? Sasuke didn't like doing things without a plan. And Naruto was a semblance of a plan, if nothing else. Naruto was a future.
A strange sensation filled him then, a bubbling anticipation, a positivity he hadn't thought himself capable of feeling anymore.
He felt calmer than he had in too long.
xxx
Orochimaru was back again, running tests like he had the past two days. Naruto never really understood what he was doing, and the medic nin didn't explain much either.
"It does seem like the worst is over," Orochimaru commented as he carefully held his hands on each side of Sasuke's head.
"You think so?" Naruto didn't dare to hope, but anything that wasn't bad news at this point was great news.
"Well, you said it yourself, he doesn't need chakra as often. It's just a matter of waiting for him to wake up, I should think."
"Really?" Naruto doubted it was that simple. "Are you sure it's not someone doing this to him?"
"I have a theory, but we won't know for sure until he wakes up. But the only things that seem wrong with him are his chakra signature and hormone levels. And since Tsunade told me a few hours ago that Sasuke has received chakra from the Sage of the six paths…"
Naruto blinked a couple times, trying to follow Orochimaru's train of thought.
"You think it's got something to do with that? I mean sure, we can't use it here and Sasuke even fainted but… why didn't the same thing happen to me, then?"
"That's the strange part, of course." Orochimaru let go of Sasuke's head and scribbled a few things on his clipboard. "If Sasuke went through this because he used a certain amount of chakra, then it doesn't make sense that the same thing didn't happen to you when you barged in here."
Scratching his neck in slight embarrassment, Naruto promised silently that he'd apologize to the poor nurse in the reception before he left.
"The only difference between the two of you is that he has the Sharingan."
Naruto waited for a continuation, but none came as the man checked Sasuke's pulse and made sure the needles sat secured in his right forearm. He hated seeing the tube connected to his IV, but at least he didn't need to worry much about Sasuke's physical well-being. However, as soon as Orochimaru had concluded that whatever was happening was purely inside his brain, Naruto's worries had doubled.
He didn't know much about medical things, but he did know that the brain was much harder to fix than the rest of the body. He'd listened to Sakura's rants enough times to understand that much, at least. And now Sasuke had been unconscious for almost three days, even if he'd been pretty calm the past twelve hours or so.
"I think the worst has definitely passed, Naruto. You should be happy that your chakra is able to make things easier for him. And when he wakes up, we'll see where to go from there."
Frowning, Naruto watched Orochimaru leave the room. He didn't like the feeling he got that there was something he wouldn't tell Naruto. Rubbing his tired eyes, he sighed and tried not to think about it too much. He was running out of stamina, and had been told several times by different people that he should take a shower and get some sleep. Sure, Sasuke was calmer now, and sure, he could leave a clone, but he didn't want to. Still, every time he was left alone with Sasuke it got more difficult to keep focus.
What help will you be if you pass out from exhaustion? Kurama asked him, sounding tired as well.
Of course, Naruto had been tapping into his chakra quite a lot, but he suspected that wasn't entirely the reason.
We've already had this conversation, he reminded the fox, scooting closer to the bed again now that no one was looking.
They hadn't removed the bandage on Sasuke's left arm upon Naruto's insistence, but it was starting to look a little dirty. He'd asked for some new, and Orochimaru had been nice enough to leave a roll for him without asking questions.
You'll fall asleep sooner or later, Kurama reminded him. Better to do it before it's too late.
Naruto made a disagreeing noise in his throat, and carefully started unwrapping Sasuke's bandage. When he started removing it from his palm, he noticed that the skin looked a little irritated. Speeding up, he sucked in a breath and held it. Sasuke's mark was as dark as ever, but it appeared to shift, as if growing slightly before shrinking back to its normal size. It took Naruto several minutes of careful watching before he could conclude that yes, it really was changing size back and forth. The skin surrounding it was red and looked sore, and Sasuke's fingers twitched almost unnoticeably when he ran a finger across some of it.
Ripping off his own bandage, he noticed with a sinking feeling in his gut that it looked completely normal.
Whatever was happening was only happening to Sasuke, it seemed. And it was highly possible that Orochimaru was correct, in that case, and it did have something to do with the sage powers.
He clenched his fists, nails digging into skin. If there was a way to reverse their roles, if there was any way he could have taken Sasuke's pain instead of him…
He would do it in a heartbeat.
xxx
There was a small fire burning in the distance, and Sasuke followed its beacon through the darkness. Though, the darkness didn't feel so terribly lonely anymore, and he found himself in no hurry to reach it. He did feel a little curious, because so far he hadn't been able to see anything at all, and this was a definite change of things. It felt like he'd been here too long already, and he was looking forward to end it.
Why he thought that reaching the fire would get him out of there he didn't know, but anything was better than aimlessly hanging around and feeling things. It got tedious after a while. He didn't think there was one single emotion he hadn't experienced so far, and most of them had repeated themselves until he didn't find it upsetting anymore.
Stepping into the circle of light he saw a figure sitting by the fire, apparently meditating. As he neared, he saw that it was an old woman, her hair stark white and long, fanning out behind her on the ground. She opened one eye as he came to a stop, milky pale and boring sharply through him. Her face was wrinkled and her hands as well as she motioned for him to sit down, but Sasuke got the impression that there was immense strength hidden behind her frail appearance.
"Child," she said, he voice smooth like the brush of a summer wind through his hair. "What do you think of this place?"
He observed her, torn between denying being a child, and trying to come up with a reply.
"I wasn't aware it was a place," he eventually said, making himself comfortable on the hard ground.
"Well, what else would it be?" she asked, an amused tone to her voice. "If you can experience it, it is most definitely a place. Though, you seem eager to leave."
"I have things to do," he explained, narrowing his eyes when hers closed again and she turned her face towards the fire. No heat seemed to emanate from it, however there were shadows playing across her dignified features. "I can't waste my time on emotions."
"Ah," she said, turning her open palms up, and Sasuke wasn't sure what she meant by that.
They sat in silence for a while, and it could have been minutes or hours, because this place didn't seem to measure time the way Sasuke did. He felt slightly uneasy, because here he sat in the presence of some woman he'd never seen before, with no idea where this place was or why he was there. He kind of wished Naruto was there, at least he would have broken the silence by now.
"If it bothers you, break the silence yourself."
He stiffened, eyeing her with suspicion, though she continued to sit calmly in the same position as before. Was it a test? He'd never liked those, not when Kakashi brought forth the bells, and not now either.
"Just tell me what I need to know," he said, resigned when time dragged on.
"You seem so certain I brought you here to tell you things, child."
He scowled at her.
"People rarely bring me places for other reasons."
"Ah," she said again, and Sasuke could feel impatience spreading through him, but he waved it off.
"Whatever," he sighed, staring into the flames instead.
It was only now that he noticed there weren't any logs for the fire to feed on. Instead, the flames seemed to spring out of the ground all by themselves. He contemplated this for a while, coming to the conclusion that they must be some sort of chakra based flames.
"Is there something you would want me to tell you?" the old woman asked him seemingly out of nowhere, the same eye opening to watch him.
"Why I'm here," he tried, reluctant because he doubted he'd receive a satisfying reply.
"Hmm, no, try something else."
He ground his teeth together, starting to find her infuriating.
"Why I'm feeling all these things," he said instead, and she gave him an innocent look.
"Why, you tell me. No one is forcing you, child."
"I'm not a child," he argued, and she closed her eye again and lifted her face towards the flames, as if there really was heat coming from the fire.
"Everyone is the child of someone," she told him quietly, and he had to avert his eyes as he attempted to swallow the lump in his throat.
His mother's face hovered in the back of his mind, his father right behind her. He didn't want to think about them, yet there they were, always, a painful reminder of everything he'd lost.
"Then what is at the front of your mind?" she asked, and he gave her a startled look.
Staying silent, he didn't know what to think. At the front of his mind? That sounded pretty ridiculous.
"But there is something," she continued, as if baiting him to talk. "I have nothing to tell you, but I do have a question."
Glad that she was finally getting to the point, Sasuke watched as she grabbed a thin stick out of seemingly thin air, and dipped one end into the flames.
"You see, child, everything burns out eventually, even things you expect will never fade. Like the sun."
"That sounds a lot like telling me something," he couldn't help but point out, and she gave him a secretive smile as she held the stick vertically in front of her.
"This stick," she continued, "has started to burn. Why? Because I held it into the fire. Now, what do you think will happen?"
"It'll burn out," he offered as a guess, thinking it was a childish question. "Besides, the sun won't burn out, that's ridiculous."
"Everything burns out in the end," she disagreed. "What matters is how soon."
And then she blew at the flames, and they flickered and died, with only a small part of the stick charred black.
"So in the end, everyone dies," he concluded, but she held the stick towards him as if to silence him.
"In the end, you decide whether it burns out sooner or later. Because it's merely a stick, and we have control over it."
She threw it to him, and he caught it easily. The burnt part was falling off, the smell of soot strong in his nostrils.
"Well, go on," she told him, when all he did was stare at her with doubt. "Light it. If that's what you want."
"Why would I want to light a stick?" he muttered, tired of her riddled speech. "There's no reason."
"Then think of a reason."
"Your promise of not telling me things isn't working out too well."
The fire disappeared, leaving them in pitch black darkness.
"Is there a reason now?"
Heaving a sigh, he placed the stick on the ground and went through the familiar hand signs, breathing in deep before blowing fire. It lit the stick instantly, engulfing it fully in flames. Sasuke didn't know why, but it felt better to watch it burn with his own, brightly yellow and orange flames than the paler ones from before.
It took him a while to realize, but the stick seemed to burn out much more slowly now than before, if at all.
"It's not burning out," he commented, trying to decipher her facial expression.
"No, evidently. It's not the stick that's important as much as the flames. And those flames are yours, child."
"So it'll burn forever?"
"I told you nothing burns forever."
"So you admit you were telling me things."
Her eye opened again, her mouth twitching as if she tried not to smile.
"Well then, time for my question." She straightened up, and so did Sasuke as he held his breath. "Why is the flame burning?"
Sasuke frowned at her.
"Well, there is a stick feeding it."
This time she did smile, and it lit up their surroundings far more than the flame was doing.
"Wrong," she answered. "But fear not, child, you will figure it out soon enough."
And with that she disappeared, leaving Sasuke alone with his burning stick and the vague feeling that he was forgetting something important.
Sooo... new character! Maybe you can easily guess who it is, maybe you can't. We won't see her for a while again though, but rest assured she's lurking in the shadows mwahaha. Now then, what do you think Sasuke will do when he wakes up? A rematch with Menma maybe? Haha. Or punch a dobe like he seemed so intent on doing.
This is all part of the 180 degree plot change I've done though so I'm very excited to know what you think. I hope you liked it!