Discoveries and disciplinary action

"WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE!?"

Rita Loud jerked in surprise as her front door slammed open, her tired husband beside her not even stirring in response from his unplanned nap in his breakfast.

The last she remembered she and Lynn had come home to an annoyingly familiar dust cloud and several suspicious scorch marks on the walls. Rita had broken them up with her Mom Voice while Lynn found their son feeding their many Grandchildren on his now standard autopilot.

One thorough tongue lashing later and the six adults had shared a breakfast, and the mollified girls promised to put away the groceries and help Lincoln to bed before taking a collective shift on caring for the innumerable infants. Of course Lynn and Rita themselves were nearly as tired as Lincoln, so at some point she'd fallen asleep, though not right into her bacon as her husband had.

Through bleary eyes she confirmed that it was now nearly twelve-noon, and the table was clear of anyone but Rita and Lynn. The living room meanwhile was solely populated by an unusually irate Luna Loud.

"I KNOW SHE- oh hi Mom, do you know where Lisa is?" Luna cut her volume at the sight of her bag-eyed mother.

"Are you going to kill her?"

"… I'm not gonna lie; I came here with murder on my mind." Luna sighed.

Rita considered this for a moment. Lisa was a wonder for humankind, had given them the principals required for time travel and single handily created new fields of study. And that was before she made childbirth pleasurable, earning her the love and praise of at least half of the population till the end of time.

On the other hand she had condemned their son to Baby Jail, and Rita and Lynn Sr with him in the process.

"I mean- I could probably tone it down, but she really gets on my nerves since she never apologises-"

"I think she's upstairs with the kids, if you're going to have one of your brawls do it outside and keep it down." Rita decided that her daughters were old enough to sort this nonsense out on their own.

Luna grinned, slightly bloodthirstily. "Thanks mom!"

The rocker quickly sped off up the stairs, leaving her mother to roll her eyes and pass out again.

Luna Loud had come for blood. Maybe not lifeblood but her sister had earned a beating, forget the orgasmo-juice that made her an international sensation and earned her another Nobel Prize; she'd gone and done the one thing Luna had warned her specifically not to do.

"Leese!" She growled, pushing open the first door she saw- no, no Lisa in here; plenty of squirming babies though. And a Leni currently reading to the many children surrounding her. Her sister was sitting in a chair, a half dozen infants currently dispersed between three of the many wooden cots that now dotted the house. Her own Liena was sitting on her lap, apparently trying to help.

"And that's how the Dog in the- oh hi Luna!" Leni noticed her and brightened up. "Did you come to help?"

"Nah bruv, just coming in to settle some things." Luna grinned with clenched teeth. "Do you know where Lisa is?"

"Oh, Lisa's with Linky at the moment!" Leni chirped. "He has a hard time not sleeping walking so Lisa's using a machine to help him!"

"Oh," Luna's smile wavered. "Yeah, that makes sense, he's in his old room right?"

"Yep, I think Lynn is helping the other babies with their naps in our old room though. Don't forgot to say hi to Lyra and Lemy!" Leni smiled, and Luna heard her continue her story as she closed the door.

Right.

As much as she wanted to strap Lisa into one of her own inventions, if she saw her now she'd get so mad she'd forget about seeing her own kids until after she left. So with quick feet she marched past Lincoln's door and opened Lori and Leni-

"STAY PUT YOU LITTLE SHITS!" Lynn raged, the pandemonium swelling and rising in a soundwave better suited to one of Luna's concerts than a nursery. All around her Loud spawn bounced and twitched in a sugared up mess, and Luna spotted her own slightly cranky twins tussling with each other over a stuffed rabbit.

Not the aged and threadbare Bun-Bun of course, that was still somewhere 'lost in storage' (she was pretty sure Lincoln just didn't want him torn to pieces). Judging from how fiercely they were pulling at said rabbit they probably were more trouble than they were worth at the moment, she could probably come back in a few hours.

Of you know, however long it took for Lynn to wrestle them all to sleep.

What? She wasn't a bad mother, it just wasn't her turn!

"LUNA THANK GOD!" Lynn had noticed her, and while the room didn't quieten, she noticed her twins stop fighting for a moment. "JUST HELP ME GET THE BRATS INTO BED AND I'LL TAKE YOUR NEXT TURN!"

Lemy promptly used the distraction to pull the rabbit out of Lyra's chubby hands, and Lyra grabbed Lemy's head in response, going back to their little wrestling match without care.

Always good to know where you are on your kids priority list.

"SORRY LYNN!" She called. "I'M JUST HERE TO STRANGLE LISA!"

Lynn looked upon in despair, then a thought crossed her mind. "… SHE DIDN'T DID SHE?"

Luna just nodded.

"DANG IT, JUST MAKE SURE SHE GETS IT THIS TIME-mrffgh!" A bat winged Lulu suddenly attached herself to Lynn's face. Luna took that as her cue to leave and shut the door.

She switched on the old lock just in case, she was sure they all knew the code now anyway.

But enough about Lynn and the kids, time to get her revenge.

She marched over in her boots and threw Lincoln's door open like it was old times. Within she saw Lisa calmly typing notes into a tablet while sitting in a chair next to Lincoln's bed. Lincoln himself was a mess, probably unhealthily underweight and bearing an unevenly shaved stubble that spoke of numerous attempts and interruptions.

He also had the fucking goggles on, complete with a little metal arm going under the covers.

"Leese…" she almost purred. "I knew you were trouble, but you've gone way too far this time."

Lisa calmly put her tablet on sleep and regarded her sister with impassive eyes. "Given your culturally limited worldview that could refer to any number of recent events, could you be more specific?"

Luna marched over, picked up the nonplussed scientist with one hand and showed her a positive pregnancy test in the other.

"Congratulations, I might assume that Sully will be the parental unit this time, or have you taken up Ms Santiago's habit of-"

"It's. Not. Mine." Luna growled. "It's- wait what was that about Ronnie?"

"Ms Santiago has been visiting for copulatory purposes," Lisa informed. "However our brother has been largely in a semi-conscious state these past few months, so his somnambulatary has increased to include a more 'intimate' skill set."

Luna proceeded this for a moment, "… Ronnie's been fucking him in his sleep? Or Lincoln's been sleep-fucking her?"

"An uncouth, but not inaccurate assessment," Lisa agreed.

"And you're asking me if I've been doing the same thing?" Luna gagged. "That's gross Leese- and why would you ask me if-"

"You have come to show me proof of your pregnancy," Lisa dryly replied. "I am unaware of any other 'partners' that you have made use of besides your bandmate and our brother that could have resulted in a pregnancy. Lincoln himself is steadfast against further conception using his reproductive material, to the point of having to be dissuaded against further vasectomies after the first three failed. Lastly you have not made use of the goggles in months so I could only assume you 'helped yourself' as it were. The only loose end is why you might see the need to accost me in this manner."

Luna glared down at her. "Because Brain Box, I said it's not mine."

Lisa seemingly thought this over. "So you did, forgive me; I have been quite distracted by our brother's unusual brain patterns-"

"It's. Sam's." Luna growled, and finally dropped her. "We haven't had a 'thing' that could've gotten either or us pregnant. Thing is though, she mentioned that she had 'one too many' the last time she was over here, and she woke up with you being shifty nearby. Just over three weeks ago too.

Now I come in here and the first thing I see is you using those fuckin' glasses on Linc again to get more jizz."

She leaned down to make sure Lisa couldn't escape her furious gaze. "So, you wanna spill or are we gonna have to get that teleport machine ourselves?"

Lisa calmly reached over and switched off her tablet. "I can assure you that I have not used my invention to induce Ms Sharp's pregnancy, on the occasion you speak of I happened to be documenting our brother's expanding somnambulatory skill set."

"And how the fuck am I suppose to believe that?" Luna leaned back and let out a bitter laugh, then considered Lisa's expression.

She wasn't doing her stupid 'lie smile'.

"Wait, you really had nothing to do with this?" Luna's confusion grew. She knew Sam wouldn't cheat on her, not only had they been together longer than most people stayed married (and way longer than most people stayed happily married) but they had conversations about 'allowances' on a regular basis. Most of them didn't actually amount to doing anything, but they both knew what was allowed and what wasn't.

But as she pondered this, Lisa's lip twitched. Instantly she brought her face closer.

"Leese."

"I think you have gotten what you wished dear sibling," Lisa's face resumed it's usual stoicism. "Perhaps you should investigate elsewhere."

"Nah, I think I'm on the right track." Luna kept her eyes on that point on Lisa's lips. "Do me a favour; say 'I had nothing to do with Sam's pregnancy'."

Lisa began visibly sweating and her lip twitched again. "I see no purpose in this line of questioning-"

"Well I do," Luna replied with a cold voice. " 'Cause I'm thinking; what would I do if I were a pervy scientist who can't lie for shit? Maybe I'd practice to get better at lying, maybe I'd be right careful about what I said so I didn't actually lie but still got the other person to buy me shit.

But maybe, just maybe; if that person were to actually try an' get me to say the truth right an' proper I'd still be fucked."

Lisa's lip twitched, worse this time.

"Say the line Leese. No bullshit."

Lisa tried to get up, but found herself held down by a hand to the shoulder. She opened her mouth to protest but saw utterly no mercy in her elder sister's eyes.

Reluctantly she spoke up.

"I have done nothing to induce Sam Sharp's pregnancy."

Her face could have been used to terrify the twenty four (current) total Loud children into submission, probably even Lulu.

"FOR FUCKS SAKE LISA!" Luna screamed hard enough for her experienced voice to crack. "SHE IS MY WIFE!"

She threw Lisa back into the chair and punched at the wall, there was a satisfying crunch and when she pulled back her fist it revealed a hole into the next room.

"WE TOLD YOU TO CUT THIS SHIT OUT- BUT NO YOU JUST HAD TO- WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN DO THIS TIME!?"

Lincoln, miraculously, remained sleeping through the entire thing.

The rising cries from both filled nurseries were another matter. Lisa sighed and re-adjusted her glasses.

"I did relatively little. It was simply an observation; as we have established Lincoln had been as you stated 'sleep-fucking' for months now. At the last house party you brought along your designated partner, Ms Sharp to join you. However you failed to noticed that even at that time Lincoln was already in 'autopilot' as Lynn has dubbed it.

It is during this state that Ms Sharp happened to become heavily intoxicated, right after you yourself passed out after your shot contest against one another."

Luna's mind vaguely recalled the details. She and Sam had a thing, sometimes they just wanted to get smashed and the house was as safe a place as any, so they did their surefire shitface technique and that night Luna was the one bowing out early.

"Leni volunteered to take your comatose form to your old room and let you 'sleep it off'. However our parental units failed to realise that Lincoln wasn't simply being quiet, but already in his semi-comatose state, so when they asked him to take Ms Sharp up to Lynn's old room he simply complied. I noticed that Ms Sharp was… amorous at the time despite her intoxicated state and followed to make my observations."

Luna growled. It still made sense, Sam got horny when drunk or high and still felt safe to be so. The house was a second home to her, and Lincoln was as safe you got as long as you didn't check his internet history.

"How come you didn't stop them, and why didn't Mom and Dad room her with me!" Luna snapped.

"I believe that they remembered the price of the replacement sheets from the last time you two 'roomed together' at this location while intoxicated." Lisa snarked, but quickly resumed her story upon Luna's expression returning to hostility. "Regardless, as you now likely expected I observed Ms Sharp drunkenly 'putting the moves' on our brother once in the room and once she… stumbled upon a certain phrase that Ms Santiago likes to use-"

"Your face is showing your bullshit."

"I may have mentioned it to Ms Sharp in passing." Lisa fumbled a bit. "Regardless, once the phrase was uttered our brother simply 'fell into old habits as it were' and copulated extensively."

Luna remained still.

Then she was in Lisa's face again and there was another hole in the wall next to her head.

"Just to be sure," she said in a voice entirely too calm for her. "You helped my drunk wife cheat on me with our mind fucked brother?"

Lisa reached for something, only to have her hand siezed by Luna's not-wall-embedded-hand and the object tossed out the round window by her sister. Resigning herself to words she replied; "Ms Sharp likely would not have committed her actions without influence from intoxication-"

"Yeah no, I'm not blaming her. I'm not blaming him," she thumbed over to his comatose form. "Holy shit you're just… milking him like a fuckin' cow; why?"

"Lincoln has some of the most stable and healthy genes in the human species," Lisa informed. "While he lacks the more extreme talents of the rest of our familial line I couldn't have found a more solid foundation for my experiments short of –"

"You know what, I don't care anymore." Luna leaned up and pulled her dusty fist from the wall, she looked down at Lisa with frustration. "What I do care about is who else you did this to."

"Who else?" that damn twitch again. "I don't know what you-"

"You don't run experiments with a single 'subject', not if you want 'replicable results'." Luna snapped. "That's how you prove it right? Well I know you, god knows I know you, and I know you want more test subjects anyway; so how many others did you pull this shit with?"

Lisa's lip twitched again.

"Only those who would have agreed eventually."

"Urggh," Stella moaned, making friends with her toilet. "How come I feel like I pulled three all-nighters with Lincoln's crappy coffee- wait. Lincoln? And my period…"

Miles away from Stella's apartment Sid Chang was her usual bubbly self.

Also vomiting all colours of the rainbow.

"I don't know how you can keep eating," Ronnie Anne blanched as her friend fit ever more ice cream into her newly vacated stomach. The two were in pyjamas on Sid's couch, a bucket next to Sid for her to use.

"It's like the perfect cheat Ronnie," the other girl grinned, but with bags under her eyes and pale lips. "I really want ice-cream, and I can have as much as I want because it doesn't go to my thighs, it goes to my bucket."

"Hmm," Ronnie hummed noncommittedly. "You know Nikki said something similar, but she had to stop when... oh shit."

Meanwhile in Royal woods, more than a dozen ladies of varying ages were dealing with their own problems. Some were lifelong friends of the Loud family, others were passing acquaintances who Lisa had spotted as being 'pent up' and willing to partake in 'casual relations', or were willing to 'try a new invention'.

And as Lisa's surprisingly high pitches cries rang out from the most thorough spanking she had ever gotten, Lincoln Loud slept well for perhaps the last time in decades.