Orientation Day:
"So to summarise; the main house is continuously used for assorted offspring directly or tangentially related to the Loud family. When in said house said offspring are cared for by Lincoln Loud himself as well as usually Rita and Lynn Loud Sr and a rotating roster of adult family members.
However the offspring usually split their time between the house and their parental abode as per the preference of the mother in question. For example; Lari and Loan Loud spend the majority of their time at the Santiago-Loud residence in Great Lakes City as Lori Loud was already a mother of multiple children and well equipped for managing an expanded family with the assistance of her husband Bobby Santiago-Loud.
In contrast; Lyra and Lemy Loud are more likely to remain at the house at all times due to the more 'adventurous' lifestyle of their mother and are treated like permanent residents.
All of the main Loud Sisters contribute to household funds, as all are well capable of it; but at a fair rate compared to their income. In the case of the non-incestuous offspring I have prepared a package from my own considerable resources that will cover any and all expenses that will likely occur as a result of providing for your new offspring, and will be happy to act as their doctor in-"
"Yeah we'll think twice about that Leese," Luna interrupted her by switching off the ancient projector. The scientist was conducting her presentation in the living room with a patchwork projector screen over the TV. Parked upon the couch before said presentation were a half-dozen women in varying stages of pregnancy, one of which the was the less than enthused Sam Sharp.
Luna walked around to face the women, "all right, so that's orientation more or less done. Any questions?"
Stella raised a hesitant hand.
"Extra toilets are next to the garage," Luna guessed. "Trust me ladies; I've been there."
Stella lowered her hand and flushed, but nodded in gratitude.
"I have one," Luna's wife asked with a dangerous smile. "You said you planned this?"
Lisa rolled her eyes, "I merely 'planned' the conceptions that involved the use of my goggles and only then for the women who fantasised or otherwise desired offspring of their own. Ergo why none of you have elected to terminate your pregnancies."
"Really?" Sam's smile twitched. "Because of I don't remember wanting to jump on Lincoln's pole."
"Your sudden pickiness in-"
"Think carefully about what you say next Leese," Luna warned. "Unless you liked not being able to sit for a week."
Lisa's maintained her stoic expression, but her hands subconsciously went to shield her still slightly deformed buttocks. "Ahem; what I meant to say was that I didn't do anything that was fundamentally against your own desires, where you were aware of them or not. In your case Ms Sharp your 'biological clock' and proximity to Luna's offspring induced an underlying envy for your partner for having carried biological children-"
Sam's expression waved for a moment, and Luna recalled the oddly wistful expression the other rocker had borne when she'd played with Lyra or Lemy. But the Sharp woman regained her focus. "Yeah well, this was my and Luna's decision to make, and believe it or not I could've used another dick than my wife's brother!"
"True; but our goals coincided and when your distress passes I'm sure that you will realise that this is only an advantage." Lisa countered.
Sam looked Luna, Luna shook her head. We can kick her ass after she mouthed. Her hormonal wife narrowed her eyes and stalked off to the garage toilet to either vomit or just fume.
Probably both. She was pregnant after all.
Lisa continued, "despite your many differences you all have something in common; a desire to have children. Most of you are single or in homosexual relationships that make adoption more difficult than necessary. This method, while perhaps having less than the ideal courting methodology ascribed by our current societal standards offers fulfilment of that desire, as well as financial stability for said offspring and a wealth of scientific data for the community at large-"
Luna interrupted this time. "You're not allowed to experiment on them Leese. We talked about this."
"If by talking you mean assaulting my Gluteus Maximus until exhaustion; then I remember it quite well," Lisa snipped back. The women on the couch brightened a bit at the scientist's visible distress.
"Yeah well, if I hear that you're pulling any more shit I'm breaking out Big Blarney," Luna folded her arms. "Sam's been asking if maybe we can find out if you like it too, since you're not big on consent anyway."
Lisa blanched and hurried through her words. "W-well as you can see all financial, medical and legal matters have been accounted for. If you like you can stay for refreshments and observe our group care in action in the kitchen, I'm sure some of you would like to discuss matters with Lincoln regardless."
Stella blinked, "wait- Lincoln's here?"
"Lincoln is always here," Luna confirmed. "He's even mostly sentient today too- where's Leese?"
A quick look revealed that the scientist had vanished.
"Ahh fuck it, me an' Sam'll get her later anyway." Luna waved it off, "anyway; well go over some ground rules and after that you're welcome to stay for a bit, just follow me and try it keep it down for Daddy Daycare."
"Ground rules?" Paige questioned.
Luan nodded and started counting off rules; "Yep, ground rules, nothin' major but here's the big ones:
First one: ya don't use the word. You know what it is-"
"Do you mean Lame-"
"I said ya don't use it!" Luna snapped and Stella shrinked back. "Look- sorry. But you don't say it. Leese told you to use it for a reason, Linc's been trained to respond to it so if someone says it he just 'switches off' and goes at it.
Now none of you knew what was goin' on before, but ya do now so if you want another go you have to ask like a normal human bein'. I wouldn't count on gettin' it though, after all this Linc's kinda done with sex until Leese backs off on the weird shit; doesn't want to risk any more kids."
"But we're pregnant!" Stella protested, then flushed when the other women stared. "S-shut up you all did it too!"
Luna rolled her eyes, "yeah well Linc's not puttin' it past her to do something to get ya preggo again anyway. For the record; neither should any of you.
Two: when your squirt comes out you can use the house whenever you want, but you gotta let us know before you do so we can get supplies and fix the schedule and stuff. If you don't we'll still take 'em but we'll have to have words about you takin' a shift in Baby Jail.
Three: don't take on Leese yourselves. She's still gonna try and experiment on your kids, probably you at the same time as well. Yeah we told her not to but she still does shit anyway. If you find her tryin' it let us know and we'll sort her out ourselves, if you take her on she has a kid of her own that's basically an alien that defends her with lazer eyes.
Four: you can stay over too as long as you let us know beforehand. We don't have much space though so you're probably getting the couch or a sleeping bag. We're lookin' at expanding the house -because fuck knows we need to- but until then it's close quarters for everyone."
Five: if any of you see Lily near Lincoln and there's no other adults nearby you have to stay there and make sure she doesn't try anything."
Stella put her hand up, "why? Lily's always been sweet when I've been here."
"Yeah, she's nice." Paige affirmed.
Luna snorted, "yeah well you wouldn't say that if you saw half the shit she's into. Bottom line; she already flat out raped Linc- she was comin' down from giving birth ta triplets on the orgasmo juice but still- so now she's not allowed near him without company to make sure she doesn't just use that word to get goin'. Don't be fooled by her; she's nice but god knows she a filfthy fuckin' pervert and she'll do ya' in all the worst ways if you give her five minutes."
The women were doubtful, but the silent shudder from the Loud woman's shoulders convinced them to at least accept the rule as a given. "All right, if there's no other questions you lot just follow me and I'll lead you to your kids' Kindergarten I guess…"
Luna lead the way, and the five remaining women walked and waddled behind her through the living room. Luna quietly opened the door that was being used to block off the sounds of children to reveal the Loud House at breakfast time.
The Kitchen had ten high chairs situated where the kitchen table had once been, filled with infants and toddlers of around a year or younger. Currently Lynn Sr was finishing up some mushy vegetable mix in several pans while Lincoln and Rita were distracting the babbling children with toys, five to each adult.
"Lupa! No biting Lemy!" He admonished, gently pulling Lemy's fingers from her mouth before stuffing the platinum haired infant's with a teething keyring. The boy infant sniffled but was quickly lifted from his chair so he could be cradled to his father's chest as he let out a low hum.
Lincoln's free arm moved to distract the other children with a worn-down rabbit toy before they (mostly Lyra) grew jealous and demanded a ride of their own. Despite Lincoln's efforts Lemy still let out a few tears until he spotted his mother and gleefully pointed at her while emitting baby babble.
"As you can see it's controlled chaos in 'ere, but we manage." Luna allowed the other women to cycle into the room. "Normally there'd be at least two other girls helpin' out, but we all work so we sometimes get busy. When this happens we have to make do, and we do don't we little guy?"
Luna leaned down and let Lemy grab her finger over Lincoln's shoulder, prompting Lincoln to notice the group. "Oh, I didn't know you were-"
He recognised Stella and blushed as he realised his old friend was among the new mothers. "- here already."
".. Hi Lincoln," Stella awkwardly waved.
"Yeah. 'Orientation' is done." Maggie remained as oddly dour in tone as always. "Can't say I saw this in your future."
"Yes well, I think it was a surprise to a lot of people," Lincoln dryly replied. "Luna could you help me? Lyra's going to get jealous if you play with him and not her."
"Dude I'll take your shift, talk with the girls." Luna lifted Lemy over to over her and settled into the stool Lincoln had been sitting on. "C'mon little dudes, time to rock out with Momtie Lunes!"
Left without an infant to care for-rare for him now- Lincoln was left with no choice but to present himself to the assorted women in the kitchen. "… So this is awkward but, I kind of don't remember the last time any of us met."
"Lisa filled us in," Margo Roberts informed him. "Not exactly sure if I believe her, but you were pretty dead eyed when we fuc-"
"Not in front of the children." Lynn Sr muttered, visibly bag eyed himself.
Lincoln nodded and the crowd meandered over to the living room.
"So yeah," Margo settled into a chair as the ladies sat at the table. "I thought you were pretending to be a zombie until we got started."
"It was kind of appealing." Maggie's slightly rough voice warmed.
"I honestly thought you were completely awake!" Stella squeaked. "Like, that thing with the tongue and then the rhythm."
Lincoln flushed with embarrassment. "Well you can thank Ronnie Anne for that, it turns out that after we broke up because of… you know."
"Your millions of kids?" Margo asked. "Yeah, we noticed."
Lincoln pinched his nose, "yes those, anyway she still came over after I went into autopilot for… intimacy, and I just went at it. Apparently I just do whatever the woman wants like that."
Stella giggled. "Yeah you- oh sorry."
Lincoln's expression was less than enthused.
"What are you complaining about? You got to have sex with loads of women and you're in this anyway!" Margo groused. "We're the ones carrying the squirts!"
"Actually I didn't, not really anyway." Lincoln bitterly countered. "I don't remember any of it, until I woke up a week ago- Luna came over to let me sleep properly for once- as far as I knew Ronnie hadn't even spoken to me since we broke up."
The wheels in Stella's mind turned. "Wait, so you don't remember the sex we had?"
"As far I knew I'd only ever been 'intimate' with Ronnie." Lincoln dryly confirmed.
"Luan told me-"
Lincoln cut Maggie off, "we don't talk about that."
"She does though." Maggie's lips turned into a smirk. "A lot."
Lincoln's eye twitched. "Well she can tell me all about that when we're deciding who gets the next shifts, anyway the bottom line is that until a few days ago I didn't know I had to worry about any…"
"Branches in the family tree?" The voice of Sam Sharp came from behind as she walked past to set across from him. "Yeah dude, but look on the bright side; you don't have to carry 'em. I mean, sure your sister 'volunteered' to take 'em but you got a lot of girls pregnant so we still have to have ours."
Lincoln stared off in contemplation as something struck him.
"… You still there Lincoln?" Stella queried.
"Oh yeah." He looked at her with some odd laughter in his eyes. "Want to hear something funny?"
The women looked at each other in mild confusion before Margo shrugged. "Sure, might as well end today on a high note."
"Before all this started…. I always used a condom." Lincoln's voice warbled. "Every time, because both me and Ronnie were afraid she'd get pregnant.
Guess who's the only one after all this who still hasn't been?"
"You know you can just keep trying." Sid assumed a new, flexible position on her yoga mat. The woman was gleefully taking advantage of her restored mobility after unceremoniously having her own offspring deposited into Lisa Loud's waiting womb.
Along with Sid's sister's, Nikki's own and two from some girl she vaguely recalled from Royal woods named Cristina.
"… I never said I was jealous." Ronnie glared the ceiling. "We even broke up over this."
"Yeah but I know you haven't been taking your pill or using condoms, so how come-"
"Just let it go Sid."
"I mean, no one said you had to stop. It was kinda-sorta-slightly-rapey before anyway -"
"I'M NOT SHARING A MAN." Ronnie growled.
"But you did though, with me even," Sid distracted herself with memories of the empty-eyed but utterly compliant white-blond man and pretzeled herself by accident. "Ouch! Ronnie help!
No, don't take a shower; I hate doing bread forms!"