Pulling apart, Coming together
"One! Two! THREE!" Luna grunted as she pulled, hands gripping the disturbingly strong abomination with all the strength they could muster.
"It's working, I can see the- oh god that's nasty!" Sam grimaced as she witnessed the pale, dripping appendance coming out of her brother-in-law's throat.
"Shut up luv and keep pullin'!" Luna couldn't help but snap back.
The two were currently attempting to extract their niece from Lincoln, the little crime of science having decided to attach herself to his face and for whatever reason shove some kind of tongue thing inside him like a movie monster. It wasn't what Luna had expected after a session of pop-exorcism- but in the Loud House it wasn't really that surprising.
"I'm pulling as hard as I can!"
"Mllbbrggll!" Lincoln bemoaned his fate as his vision started to go dark, the fleshy tube from Lulu now pulling at a direction that cut his air supply. He'd been able to breathe moments before, but the efforts of his 'rescuers' had changed that and now all he could do was silently guess what his epitaph would be;
'Here lies Lincoln Loud;
Failed artist
Father of far, far too many
Died Frenching his two year old'
Fortunately for what remained of Lincoln's post-parent dignity Lily was descending the stairs, having narrowly escaped Lisa's rant to now witness his predicament. The cheerful girl giggled at the sight of the silly adults being bested by the child of Lisa's mind, but stopped when she saw Lincoln's face turn purple.
Quickly, she rushed over and ducked under Luna's arms- "Lily thank fuck- grab 'er and pull-"
"Just stop you silly- urggh!" The blonde shook her head and reached under Lulu's armpits, and began tickling the tot. Within moments the abomination's belly started trembling and a wheezing laugh emitted from her strange mouth, and a second later Lincoln fell to the floor as the proboscis disconnected with a SHLROP, whipping around as it was sucked back into her rapidly reforming face.
"He! he! he!" Lulu giggled, emitting a rarely human sound before Luna shoved one of the emergency pacifiers from a kitchen drawer filled with them into her mouth.
"God damn it- Linc you still with us!?" Luna left Lulu in Sam's arms to inspect her brother. The white haired man was wheezing on the floor, but his face was rapidly lightening to his usual complexion and he raised a shaky thumbs up. "Okay good- I'm gonna go have to talk with Einstein…"
Lincoln let her drone on for a moment as his sore throat demanded his attention. There was a very good reason that sedation was used for endoscopies, having something like that put down your throat to poke around your stomach was very uncomfortable and more than a little painful. He was also pretty sure Lulu's 'tongue' was thicker than most cameras used for that kind of thing too, and for some reason he suddenly felt like he hadn't eaten breakfast-
"NO! SHE WITH ME!" His thoughts were suddenly cut off by a high pitched squeal, and his instincts propelled him before his comprehension. In a second he wasn't on the ground in the kitchen anymore, but standing in the dining room alongside his sister and her Lulu-bearing wife to find-
Lemy and Lyra using Lina as tug-of-war rope by each of her hands, much to the youngest's displeasure.
"Excuse me?" His mind span wheels as his spiked adrenaline faded and he was suddenly aware of just how much torment Lynn's workout had given him all over again.
"Kids what the fu-frig!" Luna gasped, marching forwards to pointedly pluck the wet-eyed infant from the two siblings, prompting both to fall back onto their butts. "You don't pull people like that!"
"But you do!" Lyra protested.
"When?" Luna growled, not feeling charitable to her eldest (by a minute but still) child.
"When here!" Lyra pointed at Lincoln and Lina. "With everyone!"
"… Okay but that doesn't mean you should do it to Lina," Luna deflated. A glance back revealed an unimpressed looking Sam shooting her the 'bad influence' look again. Returning to the kids she'd popped out personally she knelt down closer to their level. "Why were you two even pulling her like that?"
Lyra pointed at the TV "my music on there!" And sure enough, the TV happened to be playing melodic rock from one of Luna's rivals.
Lemy piped up, "baby here!" He raised Lincoln's phone, and The Song emitted again, causing all adults within range to wince and Lulu's ears to surreptitiously suck in.
"I go there, Lemy stay here," Lyra bobbed to make her point. "Lina come play with me!"
"No, Lina play here with me!" Lemy glared at his sister.
"She play with me!"
"No with me!"
"I'm better!"
"You meaner!"
"You FATTER!"
And like that, the two were a ball of destruction again; Lemy charged into Lyra and they fell over as one, quickly rolling away in a mix of slightly differently toned browns from their hair and identical purple from their onesies.
Luna sighed and looked to her brother for assistance, nodding the tired man stepped forward to block the path of the twin ball. The moment the two bumped into his shin he lanced forward and grabbed them, pulling them apart with their clothes' handles even as they grabbed for each other.
"Oi!" The two froze at the unusually harsh tone of their mother, and they looked at her with guiltily faces. They found no sympathy in her expression, and instead she rather pointedly indicated to the smaller child held in her arm; "look at Lina!"
Lina was clearly teary eyed, and as the twins looked upon their younger sibling, Lina's eyes met theirs for only a moment before she stuffed her face into Luna's chest and sniffled.
Instantly the fight was gone from the two and tears formed in Lemy's eyes. "WE SORRY!"
"I didn't mean it!" Lyra sadly declared.
Luna stared down, unmoved by their sudden remorse. "Well you still did it. Both you, so both of you are going in time out-"
"But!"
"Apart," Luna empathised.
The two gaped, and looked to Sam for mercy. But the normally softer parent was having none of it today. "Sorry kids, but you don't hurt each other."
Lyra looked up to her father and wilted before the disappointed expression he bore.
Ignoring the two's sorry states Lincoln marched to the designated 'time out' corner in the dining room. It was the frontmost right corner relative to the front door and bare of any toys or interesting patterns; this was where he plopped Lyra, face first to the wall.
Wordlessly he continued onto the next barest corner, the back right one of the dining room. It was closer to the kitchen, so slightly more distracting than the utterly boring one Lyra was in but no one was making anything right now so Lincoln didn't feel like he was favouring one child over the other. Lemy looked up him as Lincoln sat him down.
"I really sorry Dad."
Lincoln's heart melted at his sad face- but he held himself firm. "I know son, but you need to think about how you hurt your sister."
He gently pushed his little son's head to face the bare wall again.
"You're there for ten minutes," Luna called out. "And we'll double it if we see you try and talk to each other!"
Lincoln swallowed his guilt as he heard sniffles from behind him, but contrary to her voice Luna's face was mostly just sad. He reached over and patted her shoulder as he reached her, "hardest part of being a parent Luna."
"Don't I know it," she muttered, but squeezed the hand in thanks, then found herself accepting a one armed hug from her wife. "Thanks babe."
The moment was oddly satisfying in a cathartic way. Between the tensions since Luna's, and then Sam's pregnancies were revealed and the simple lack of one-on-one time that came with their differing lifestyles neither of the siblings had been really able to simply sit down and share something… deeper. Just for a few seconds the conflict with Ronnie, the frustration with Lina's parentage and even the silent marring that the twins conception had born fell away.
For the first time in years the two connected in simple companionship, Sam a known friend in a familiar place.
"Dang what happened here!?" Lynn whistled, promptly popping that moment with her usual grace as she marched down the stairs.
"Lynn!" Lily hissed, surprising Lincoln with a jolt; he'd actually forgotten she was still there. "They were having a moment!"
"Well we're not anymore," Luna sighed. "My kids played up, now they're in time out."
"How come Lincoln looks like…" Lynn hopped over and leaned closed to the tired man's face. "Lulu got you too?"
Lincoln just nodded, feeling every scratch on his skin and more inside.
"Yeah, she's not gentle," Lynn gave a flat glare to the toddler in question. "You keep pullin' that and were gonna get you a muzzle you hear me Lovecraft?"
Lulu gave a gurgle that could have been interpreted in a variety of ways.
"… I'm getting one just in case," Lynn declared with narrowed eyes.
"Can't say I blame ya," Luna shrugged. "You wanna take her to Leese before she goes movie-monster on someone else?"
"I'll do it," Lincoln volunteered, feeling every bit as sticky and smelly as the previous few hours would have suggested. "I still need to get a shower anyway."
"Can't argue with that neither," Luna eyed the dark patches under his arms. "Sam, you wanna…"
"Oh, right." The blonde woman pushed the abomination into Lincoln's waiting arms- but drew the toddler back as Lincoln fell under her weight.
"Ooff!" The man stumbled. "She's heavy!"
"No, she's fine." Sam raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you're all right?"
"Yes I'm…" the man let out a breath, suddenly aware of all his pains and aches. "Actually now that you mention it… I was kind of wiped before the Jam Session from Lynn's workout, then there was Lulu's thing and now…"
"Dada!" Lynn's twins raced down the stairs, freshly cleaned and dressed and barrelling into Lincoln's shins, Lynn III twin only a few steps behind Lacy. "We go play- eww you stink!"
"Kids!" Lynn admonished. "You're meant to still be in the bath- Lacy I can see the dirt behind your ears!"
"You don't have to finish yours…" Lynn III muttered, quickly darting behind her twin upon her mother's glare.
"I did finish mine," Lynn corrected. "I just needed a quick rinse since I went for a run, you guys haven't had one since Monday so get back in there and- wait a minute I didn't bring in the new- are those the same clothes you were wearing already?"
Lynn III's poker face was remarkable for her age but Lacy's guilty expression damned them both.
"Dang it girls!" Lynn graoned.
"It's fine, I'll make sure they finish theirs and take mine after," Lincoln assured her.
"You're all tired Linky," Lily chirped. "Why don't I help-"
"Yeah no," Luna pointedly pushed Lily back with her free hand. "Okay; Lulu needs to be taken to Leese before she tongues someone to death, and someone else needs to be on spawn watch. Mom and Pops are off somewhere with the rest-"
"I think they might have needed to go to the store," Lily interjected. "Leia's hair got dyed with something strong-"
"We can deal with Lola's fit later." Luna tossed the problem to future Luna. "Lily was supposed to be helpin' Mom and Pops anyway, so she can take that job-"
"Dang it…"
"Quit your whingin', mine are just in time out for another…" Luna looked back, and spotted Lyra quickly turning back to the wall from where she'd been staring. "Ten minutes for Lyra, since she's meant to be looking at the wall-"
Lemy snickered, and Luna shook her head in resignation.
"And the same for Lemy, since he thinks that's funny."
The boy slumped over and Lyra's shoulders shook, clearly holding in giggles she was smart enough to repress.
"But yeah; easy stuff since there's only two of 'em anyway. Lynn and Sam can take Lina on their own since they've been actually doin' stuff all mornin' until Lynn's twins come down- I dunno you two can get coffee or somethin' in the meantime. I'll take up Lulu and some clean clothes for Lynn's kids and bring 'em down when they're clean so Lincoln can just hop in the shower. Any objections?"
"None here," Lynn nodded.
"I'm cool with it." Sam agreed.
"I just want to get clean," the sweaty Lincoln sighed.
"Are you sure-"
"Okay let's get this done then," Luna pointedly ignored Lily's objections as she swapped Loud Spawn with her wife, then marched over to the laundry. Lincoln nudged Lacy and Lynn, too tired to carry them and the two reluctantly followed him up the stairs.
Lily sighed and sat at the dining table, staring at Luna's progeny while Lynn and Sam went back to the kitchen to take up Luna's suggestion. Lynn quickly made four acceptable quality cups of coffee, and took two to the table Sam was sitting at with her still shaken daughter.
"Thanks!" Sam sipped at the coffee with one hand, uncaring of the taste but sorely in need of the bitter awakening it promised. "So… I know we've never really talked all that much."
Lynn shrugged as she sat down, "it's fine, different tracks of life and all that."
Sam nodded, "yeah, I don't talk to my brother's wife much either and I've only got one sister-in-law to keep track of. I can't imagine what having all of yours is like."
"It's managed chaos mostly," Lynn remarked. "Like everythin' else about this family, you just keep track of yourself and react to what comes your way. The other guys' romance stuff is their business mostly… but I do wanna know something."
Sam looked up in interest.
Lynn leaned back a bit, slightly uncomfortable. "You don't have to answer this if you don't want; but what's all this stuff going on with you three? Even since we heard about Lina, Luna's been crabby with Linc." Lynn hurried upon seeing Sam's expression shift, "I mean; I get that she could be mad since he slept with you, but you guys already had an open relationship right? And Luna mentioned you still wanted kids so…"
"It's not that simple," Sam stared into the coffee, her signature blue streak barely visible in the surface. "It's not just fu-sleeping with anyone we want- you get sick like that anyway, but we always talked about who we were comfortable with the other sleeping with. We talked about this a lot; no one we might catch feelings for, no one the other thinks is sketchy. A lot of times it's just 'no' and that's it.
The point is, it isn't what a lot of people think of when they imagine an 'open marriage'." Sam sipped the coffee. "We have rules, and two big rules so we don't hurt each other by accident cause sex is good for that. The first one is that we're not going for a three way marriage- sex is fine, but the only ones for more than that is each other, no ifs or buts. If we start feeling something like that, we just cut it off there and then."
"Makes sense," Lynn nodded. "But I don't think you're in love with Lincoln, so it's the second one that's the rub right?"
Sam laughed for a second, "yeah… yeah it is. Don't get me wrong; Lincoln's a great guy and from what I remember, Drunk Sam had a great time- but I don't feel that way about him. And that great time?
It broke that second rule in half and it seriously hurt Luna, drunk or not." Sam's fingers tightened. "That rule is that family is off limits, period."
Lynn took a moment to mull it over, swallowing some coffee to buy time. It was easy to understand now; Luna had had crushes back then, but Sam was her first and only serious relationship. Lynn had assumed that maybe because of how they 'operated' that their marriage might have been more casual than the monogamous ones that her sisters preferred.
But it was monogamous in its own way, and planned or not…
"You went back on your vows," Lynn winced as she realised she'd thought aloud. "Sorry- I was just-"
"It's fine," Sam's tight expression spoke otherwise. "It's the truth. Bottom line; Drunk Sam always knew better than to go break any of the rules we followed before then. I just wanted what-"
She sighed and looked to the child she'd won. "You know she loves her? Really properly loves her right?"
"Lina?" Lynn nodded. "Yeah, she's always saying 'our kids' and talks about her like she popped her out herself. You're the same with her two right?"
"Yeah, bonding easy at this age anyway," there was a brief flash of warmth, but then Sam looked to Lynn with utter seriousness.
"Her hair was white when she first came out."
Lynn winced. "I didn't know, I heard that blondes can go dark but all of us came out our shades already."
"No one else could make it." Sam's lips trembled. "We were far out, not expecting her for another two weeks. I was off stage of course at that point, but music's our life so I wanted to still see everything. Maz'n Sully were off on some solo adventure and we just wanted to cruise through the interstate for a bit in the bus- somewhere we could be sure the media or our friggin' manager wouldn't follow us for a bit and we could just chill for a few days before going to the hospital.
But Lina was already impatient," Sam gave a shuddering sigh. "She decided to come early;
So there we were. Middle of nowhere, only Lunes and a few roadies that sure as shit weren't ready for this- but neither were we so I guess we were all on the same playing field. The odd thing was; everything went fine, six hours of misery for me of course since we didn't have Lisa's special sauce on hand, but otherwise fine.
Luna was the one who took her out of me, because w-we're meant to take care of each other," a tear ran down her cheek, dripping off to stain Lina's white clothes. "And she just held her, first pair of arms- hands 'cause she was small- that ever held her up. And she friggin' cried her eyes out, just seeing t-that white hair- i-it wasn't the kind you could pretend was happy either a-and…" She sniffed and cleared her eyes with the back of her hand.
"Hey," Lynn looked around, and Lily was gone from the other room; it occurred to her that she'd probably taken Lemy and Lyra to somewhere they couldn't overhear. "You don't have to-"
"it's fine," her voice was thick. "She tried so hard in the first few weeks but I could tell she was making herself do it. She saw him whenever she looked at her, I could tell. And I knew she couldn't feel the same way about me as she did before-"
Lynn was floundering, "I'm sure-"
"She admitted it."
Lynn winced. There wasn't anything the romance-averse Jock could say to that. Heck; Leni would probably need a good minute for it.
But Sam suddenly calmed. "It was when I made her sit down and talk about a month after Lina came out, and it hurt to hear but… but she still wanted to try. She still loved me, she still loves me. And she wanted to love Lina too, even if she couldn't right then.
And she did, it wasn't too long before her hair changed to be more like mine and things got easier after that." Sam smiled and drew up her sleeping baby. Short, light blonde hair and closed blue eyes. "She still has his eyes, but Lunes is mostly over it now."
Sam's eyes turned back to Lynn. "She's not an angel, but Luna's trying to get through this as best she can. She knows Lincoln and me didn't mean to hurt her, but she's still gotta work through the pain you know?"
Lynn slumped back, "dang… you know most of this relationship stuff is waay over my head right? I mean; I thought some of the others might've gone through something like that but jeeze…"
Sam gave a weak laugh. "It's fine, I know it's a lot to take in."
"No kidding…" Lynn swallowed the remainder of her coffee and quickly thought of a diversion to something less serious. "Ah… so. How come you came up with rule two anyway?"
Sam snorted, "after all that and that's what you ask?"
"If it's-"
"No its fine," Sam laughed. "It was basically right after we started dating. I would come over to this house for something and… it was liking walking into heaven- all of you girls are amazing you know that? There's not even an average one among you and you were all just there, bouncing around in casual clothes- every personality and body type a growing girl could want to…. you know…"
"I can guess." Lynn smirked.
"I'd hope so at this point, but the thing was; it wasn't heaven; it was hell because I could look all I wanted, but I couldn't touch. It was like putting a meal in front of a starving man, but he's been tied up so all he can do is drool…"
"… And Luna noticed?"
"Oh yeah, she noticed." The woman reminisced. "She was not happy with me- but she also kind of understood since she wasn't blind. So we came up with our rules and- with a hiccup or two here and there- they've more or less stayed the same since."
Lynn nodded, looking back she was pretty sure there were a few times she'd caught Sam looking at her back then. But Middle-School Lynn didn't really put it together, in hindsight though?
Pretty freakin' obvious.
And it was pretty petty but… "Hey, you're gay right?"
Sam gave her a flat look, then looked down to Lina. "I don't know, I mean I thought I was considering everything we just talked about but maybe I should go check with my wife-"
"But you like boys too so- bisexual then?"
Sam closed her eyes. "Yes. I like both sets. I'm glad that we've covered this after my stories."
"Well… how am I?" Lynn grinned.
"How are you?" Sam raised an eyebrow.
"How do I rate on the hotness scale now?" Lynn grinned. "I mean, there's some girls on the team that swing that way but they're all my buddies so they'd lie for me and guys'll say anything to get in your pants so-"
"We just covered why this is a terrible idea." Sam flatly replied.
Lynn shrugged, "but you're allowed to look right? I know you've checked out Leni since then so-"
"Yes, yes I am. Luna lets me do it if I'm not too bad about it." Sam sighed with closed eyes. "But I'm a lot calmer now, so I try not to-"
"But I want you to," Lynn insisted, jumping up so that she was standing in the middle of the kitchen. "C'mon, I wanna know how modern Lynn compares to mini-Lynn!"
Sam stifled another laugh; the younger woman was practically the same size as her younger self, and it was with that good humour that she acquiesced. "You're sure?"
"I'm sure!" Lynn flexed, letting every crafted muscle stand out and thrusting out her (slightly expanded after pregnancy) chest. "Gimmie it straight doc!"
Sam inhaled through her nose, and a little grin came across her face. Her normally calm expression gained a new edge as her tongue poked a through a little at the side of her mouth. In an instant Sam Sharp went from being a normal woman to an intimidating, openly predatory huntress and Lynn Loud suddenly felt like a fresh piece of meat before a starving pack of wolves.
It only lasted for a moment, and Sam took her eyes from Lynn's form as her demeanour shifted back to normal, giving Lynn a wink. "I'd definitely buy you a drink; if I wasn't with your sister."
"Glad to hear it." The two women froze as Luna's voice came from the stairs, Sam's eyes moved on their own to spy Luna 'smiling' from the bottommost stair with stiffened lips. "Let's make sure it stays like that."