Why not start the new decade with Naruto?

I've been writing on this chapter for, what, five months? I meant to finish it a month ago but got stuck on the last scene I had left to write, and then life got in the way. But! Here it is! The only thing I've written at all in the past five months, too.

I've written over a million words since I started writing fanfiction back in 2012 (not everything is cross-posted between here and ao3 though). I don't think I'll have time to write another million in the coming decade, but here's to hopeful thinking. All I want for 2020 is to have a calm, uneventful year. 2019 had too many rough bits.

The amazing and wonderful Snow made art for the previous chapter - it's so beautiful that I cry every time I look at it. Thank you so, so much333 I don't think links work on this godforsaken site, but you can find Snow on tumblr at snow124-art or twitter at forest_snow124. The art is titled "Acceptance". (You can also find it on my tumblr and twitter, or linked in the ao3 version of this fic).

There were a lot of things I wanted to say, but I'll let you read instead. I wish you all a wonderful year, thank you as always for your love for this fic!

Chapter 41: Open eyes, open mind

xxx

When Sasuke woke up, it was with the distinct feeling that he'd done something embarrassing last night. He tried not to think about it, but the memories came unbidden, pushed to the forefront of his mind as he groaned and rolled over on his side. Naruto was sprawled out beside him, breathing loudly through his open mouth. Even like this, Sasuke couldn't help but want to reach out and pull him closer.

In the days since his fight with Menma, the urge to be close to Naruto had kept growing. He'd felt it like a prickle underneath his skin, feeling irritated at the forced distance as he had to pretend that Naruto was Menma.

Usually, when he felt like this, he'd take Naruto out to the training grounds where they'd beat the shit out of each other. It always seemed to take the edge off. He wasn't so sure it still would, now that Naruto had opened his mind to other ways of, well, taking the edge off. It had always left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth when they fought, whether it was playful or serious. Last night's events had left him with something like contentment.

It was terribly uncomfortable to think about. How Naruto could possibly think sleeping on the couch was a reasonable idea was beyond him. After all, Naruto had been the one to force every further step of closeness, stubborn as always. That Sasuke had needed to reach for him was annoying, to say the least. He'd felt some twisted need to prove to Naruto that separating them was not an option – it had seemed logical to prove that Naruto wanted him more than he wanted anything else in the world.

Charasuke had said that it was weird that Naruto was so antagonistic towards him, when he, compared to Sasuke, seemed like a much more caring person. Sasuke didn't think that Naruto was necessarily a caring person, in the sense that he'd help others for no reason. No person who cared about everyone else's feelings would stubbornly chase an S-ranked criminal who had tried to kill them, going against the wishes of their friends and village, risking peace and training not to save the world but to save one boy, with whom they once held a connection.

It was beyond an act of selflessness, to the point where you might call it selfish instead. Everyone had glimpsed into Naruto's mind, after all, in the midst of the final battle. It was the kind of stupid heroic act of a tragic love story that ended with both star-crossed lovers dead.

But they hadn't died, and now they were lovers.

The point, which he'd also told Charasuke, was that Naruto had a very simplistic mind and people just misinterpreted everything he did because it also benefitted them somehow, or was done on the supposed right side of things. When you grow up with the world against you, you learn to push aside the hurt and carry on. Sasuke may have been oblivious to the more romantic feelings Naruto apparently felt for him, but he liked to think that he knew Naruto better than he wanted to. It was one of the reasons it made it so hard to let him go – he understood.

When there's only one other person who looks at you because you're you, and not for what you represent, you don't want to let go of that person.

Even if it kills you.

Maybe that was why Naruto had such problems relating to Charasuke, he looked at Naruto and saw what he was, not who he was. He trailed his eyes down Naruto's bare chest, the blankets twisted around his legs. You couldn't tell how much raw power and conviction was contained inside him when he drooled on a pillow, or how much pain he'd suffered through. He was so good at hiding everything behind a smile.

He and Naruto had seen into each other's hearts, and he hadn't known how to explain to Charasuke that Naruto was not the carefree and sometimes childish person he pretended to be. Well, not only, anyway. He could certainly be childish when he wanted to. It wasn't that Naruto didn't care, but more that it was difficult to comfort someone who was currently living through your own worst nightmare.

With his new, loathsome connection to his emotions, Sasuke hadn't been able to ignore Charasuke's pain. But he hadn't known how to explain the part where Naruto ignored Charasuke's pain in order not to deal with his own. Naruto would know exactly how it felt when a person you're close with turns around and betrays you, disappearing in an act of violence. Sasuke hadn't wanted to pick at that wound, hadn't wanted to open up either. He'd said, instead, that even if Naruto didn't seem to care, he would make sure that Menma came back unharmed. If anyone could do it, it would be him.

Another question was how.

Naruto shifted in his sleep, reaching out until his fingers touched Sasuke's arm. Then he sighed, and Sasuke let himself imagine for a moment what things would have been like, growing up with their parents alive and in a world without war. Would they have been rivals, maybe friends? Or would they, like Charasuke had told him last night through tumbled words wet with tears, have hovered around the edges of each other's consciousness, not particularly close, but eventually unable to stay away?

Would they not have needed each other?

He rolled onto his side, head propped up in one hand so he could stare down at Naruto's face. He never let himself think about the ways things could have been different, but this world tended to force these thoughts onto him. Lifting his free hand, he traced the faint lines on Naruto's cheeks, marks like whiskers, like the fox inside him had him branded. Maybe it had, now that he thought about it. There were so many things they never talked about, so many things he'd never asked. It had been difficult enough just to be alive.

Letting his palm rest against Naruto's cheek, he wondered if things would ever end. If there would always be a next fight, another enemy. If their world was meant to be thrown into chaos time and time again, if there would always be power hungry people destroying every attempt at peace. If maybe he, like Madara and Obito and Indra before him, would eventually grow weary of it and look for a way to end the world. If that was his fate, and if Naruto would stop him.

Naruto seemed to think he'd rather stay in this peaceful world, but Sasuke was not one to believe in happy endings. Regardless, he would go wherever Naruto went, would rather die than separate from him. If Charasuke felt anything like what he did, he could only imagine how powerless he must feel, with Menma lost to another dimension and no significant powers of his own. Sasuke was not going to let him take drastic measures to find that power.

He'd shut down that particular idea last night, when Charasuke ended up crying into his hands and cursed himself for being weak. At that point he'd been glad that Naruto hadn't been in the room. It had been like looking at himself at thirteen.

"Mm, Sas'ke?"

As Naruto's eyes blinked open, Sasuke retracted his hand and sat up, rubbing at his face.

"Go back to sleep," he muttered, heaving a sigh when Naruto slung an insistent arm around his waist and pulled him back down.

He stayed silent as Naruto arranged his limbs to his satisfaction, head pillowed on Sasuke's shoulder. It was impossible not to fold his arm around his back, holding him tight. Naruto's palm pressed against the middle of his chest for a moment, then went limp as he fell back asleep.

He wondered, with a light stab at his heart, what things would have been like if he and Naruto had huddled together all those long, lonely nights as children instead of suffering alone.

Even if he'd never know, he could at least make sure it never happened again. Letting out another sigh, he pressed his cheek to Naruto's hair, and tried to stop thinking at all.

xxx

Brunch was not helping.

Sakura chattered on and on with Shikamaru and Hinata, or rather, she wouldn't stop talking while neither of them pretended very hard to listen. Sasuke had given up pretending to be interested in conversation half an hour ago, about two minutes after they sat down. He poked at what was left of the food on his plate, the hole in his chest insisting on attention.

He should probably act less gloom and doom, considering that no one knew what had happened to Menma. No one knew they'd been together, either. Maybe it was better that way, acting like nothing was wrong, telling no one the truth. But it also felt a bit like how his family treated him, not trusting him to keep secrets.

He had to say something, or he'd burst at the seams soon.

A snore to his left alerted him to the fact that Shikamaru was falling asleep, and he caught Hinata sending him a look of disgust before turning back to Sakura. Her sweater was open and her undershirt as low-cut as ever, and the Sasuke of a year ago would have made a flirty remark about it. Maybe even a month ago, when he was still desperate to hide his thing with Menma. Hinata still treated him with contempt, as if she had a real chance with Menma. It didn't matter anymore.

"What do you think, Sasuke? Should we do it?"

He blinked, Sakura waving a hand in front of his face.

"Don't go falling asleep on us!" she chided him, completely ignoring Shikamaru drooling onto his plate.

"I…" Sasuke was tired. Too tired to pretend things were normal, too tired to pretend he had the strength to be around people. "I have to go."

He didn't wait for them to react, simply turned on his heels and slunk outside. The heavy clouds overhead suited his mood, and he ducked through a few narrow alleyways to throw off Sakura, just in case she tried to follow him.

He wanted to scream out loud and break something. He wanted to break himself. He wanted to stop caring, to be someone else, to be a vacant-eyed pretty thing excited for an arranged marriage with the Kazekage's son.

He wanted to be strong enough to fix things.

Instead, all he got was his mind screaming at him and his body feeling uselessly weak, fingertips numb and skull pounding with a headache. It felt like he was dying, like he might as well die, like he was suffocating from the force of all the emotions warring inside him.

He needed to find the other Sasuke, and ask if it ever felt the same for him.

xxx

The kids were alright, Sasuke thought. He didn't like them, but he'd gotten a bit used to them. And they seemed to enjoy annoying Naruto, which was something he could relate to. Sitting on one of the swings, with one of the girls in the swing next to him (he kept forgetting their names), he watched as Naruto and one of his clones tried to defend a sloppily made goalpost from three overly eager and ninja-trained children.

He'd been given the day off, which was why he wasn't currently at the police station. There was a chill in the air, the sun partly hidden behind clouds, and the ridiculous scarf that Iruka had forced on him wasn't so bad after an hour outside.

"Are you going to marry him?" the girl asked, entirely out of the blue, startling Sasuke bad enough that his shoe caught against sand, the speed from the swing nearly causing him to tumble off.

That would not have been a great continuation of his day, but would also not have surprised him.

"What?" he asked, turning his head to frown at her.

"That's what Mitsuru says, anyway."

Sasuke did not care much for what Mitsuru said, guessing that he was the same kid who once referred to him as 'Naruto's guy'. When he didn't reply, the girl paused her swing and stared at him, her eyes narrowed in a way that made him feel like he was supposed to feel bad about something.

"If you like someone, you have to tell them. A lot. Or they'll forget you and you'll be miserable forever."

Ah, he remembered her now. The girl who was in love with the other girl – or at least seemed to obsessively follow the other girl around. Apparently not obsessively enough to join in on the football game.

"That's none of your business," he said, shoving his nose into the scarf and watching as Naruto (the real one, not the clone) fake tripped over the ball and immediately got swarmed by the kids.

They seemed to be simultaneously kicking him, patting to make sure he was alright, and attempting to steal the ball from underneath his body.

"I don't like you," she huffed, turning her little nose up at him. "You're always taking Naruto away so we have to play with his clones instead. I thought you were planning your wedding but Mitsuru said you're too busy with missions for that."

"Mitsuru seems to talk a lot," Sasuke muttered, unsure of why they were having this conversation, and starting to search for a way out of it.

"He said Naruto said that. Naruto tells him all sorts of things."

"That's because Naruto is an idiot."

She gaped at him, her tiny little mouth shaping a perfect O. Sasuke decided he'd had enough of staring at Naruto getting mauled by children, and definitely enough of weird children asking questions. With a final glance at the idiot, he slipped away and headed towards the training grounds.

There was a fair amount of people milling about on the way there, doing errands or hurrying between places. Something made Sasuke walk slowly, hands shoved in his pockets and nose still tucked into his scarf. If you looked past the fact that this Konoha looked like the old Konoha back home, there wasn't much difference. The people were mostly the same, the buildings and shops and colors certainly were. It was an eerie feeling, to walk through such a perfect copy when the original didn't exist anymore. Though, it was nice too, sinking into the illusion that his life could be like this. If he'd been taken over by Kaguya's illusion during their fight, would he have dreamt something like this?

The training grounds were full of children.

Sasuke had barely noticed that he'd arrived, too deep in contemplation over possible dream scenarios. Surely he wouldn't have dreamt of Naruto kissing him?

Either way, the training grounds were full of children and their parents and siblings, and it was chaos. He frowned at all of it, trying to figure out if this was normal or if he'd accidentally walked in on some kind of community training event. By the sound of it there wouldn't be any free space for him to practice, and he had the nagging feeling that he was falling out of shape. Aside from the mission there hadn't been much time for training, somehow, and he'd slept through most nights. He wanted to spar with Naruto, but he'd thought he could at least do some stamina work.

A moment later, as if summoned, Naruto popped into existence beside him.

"Huh," he said, taking in the view. "I thought you left to escape kids."

"And you," Sasuke snapped, mostly because his heart was beating too fast and he wasn't sure if it was anger or excitement. "Who said you could just use the teleportation mark anytime you wanted?"

"Well, what did you think I would use it for?"

Naruto wasn't even looking at him, instead watching the families. He had a point, which Sasuke refused to acknowledge. He'd rather not acknowledge that the mark existed on his body at all. (If he'd spent a minute or two in front of the mirror this morning staring at it, no one needed to know). When Naruto slipped his hand into his he startled a bit, following as Naruto tugged him towards the left.

"Come on, there's too many people here."

Too many people, or too many families, Sasuke wanted to ask. But he already knew the answer, and didn't protest as Naruto dragged him towards the trees surrounding the fields. There was a small pathway they could follow, winding between massive tree trunks, seemingly headed towards the outskirts of the village. Naruto held his hand tightly but his pace was more of a stroll than a walk, eyes lost in thought.

"Katsumi told me you were running away because she told you a secret."

It took Sasuke a moment to connect the name with the annoying girl at the swings.

"She was talking nonsense," he shrugged, picking a leaf off a bush they passed. "I just thought it was a good idea to try and get some training done."

"It's fine," Naruto sighed, swinging their hands lightly between them. "They can be a bit much sometimes. Iruka-sensei called them in for a snack, so I came looking for you."

"Missed me that much, huh?"

It still surprised him how red-faced Naruto could become whenever he said anything remotely emotional. He was spluttering, waving his free arm around, and Sasuke had to bite his cheek against a grin. It felt like his heart wanted to burst, like he could forget his life for a moment and just be here, with Naruto.

"I just wanted to check where you were," Naruto huffed eventually, puffing his cheeks out when Sasuke raised an eyebrow at him.

"Waste of chakra," he replied, though considering how much chakra he carried around he could probably teleport a hundred times without breaking a sweat. "Are we going somewhere in particular or do you just want to avoid people?"

Blinking at him, Naruto paused and took a moment to look around them. The trees had gotten thicker, with less space between them, and you could barely hear the commotion by the training grounds. He had a feeling that if he counted down from ten, it would end with Naruto attempting to kiss him.

He didn't precisely mind.

"So, um, Charasuke came looking for you," Naruto blurted out, shoving a hand in his hair and tugging at it. "He kind of glared at me and left when I said you weren't there."

"Not surprising."

Naruto opened his mouth as if to protest, then shut it with a frustrated sound.

"I thought you'd want to know."

"I don't."

At this, Naruto narrowed his eyes as if he didn't believe Sasuke's nonchalant reply. And maybe he shouldn't believe it, because he did feel a twinge of something at the thought that Charasuke was still upset. Of course he'd still be upset. Naruto was upset at him for several years, and he hadn't even been kidnapped against his will.

Maybe a little bit against his will, but that was neither here nor there.

"I'll find him later," he sighed, pushing his hands into his pockets again now that Naruto had let go of him. "I don't know why it would help, though."

"I guess you must have said something helpful yesterday."

Unlike you, Sasuke wanted to say. But Naruto looked like he was pouting enough already, fiddling with the zipper to that godawful tracksuit of his. He looked better without it. He didn't look so bad without a shirt, either.

Pulling up short, Sasuke felt something short-circuit inside his brain as he realized what exactly he'd thought. Was Naruto rubbing off on him? That must be it. He could admit that yesterday hadn't been so bad, but to actively think of Naruto as good-looking? This was a new low for him. He may have thought it before, but never so… matter-of-factly. Never like he was comfortable knowing this. Like he'd fully accepted the idea of them together, embracing it, just giving up like it was pointless to resist.

When did this happen? It had felt natural to want Naruto last night, had felt natural to feel his skin crawl when they couldn't touch the entire way back to the village. He hadn't stopped to consider what he felt – he just felt like he wanted Naruto closer.

There had always been an inexplicable pull towards Naruto. It had made his life so very difficult, but ultimately, Sasuke knew that this hold Naruto had on him was what had saved him in the end. Living with Naruto was easier than living without him. Wanting Naruto was easier than not wanting him. Naruto had always rendered his brain useless, turning him into a tight knot of barely suppressed emotion instead.

Maybe, some of his most questionable decisions had been made simply because the opposite decision involved too much acknowledgement of his feelings for Naruto.

The rest was all Itachi, for sure.

"Um, Sasuke?"

He blinked, reality snapping into focus uncomfortably fast. Naruto was watching him with worry now, hands hovering in the air as if hesitant to touch him.

"Do you have any idea," he started, taking a step closer, "how difficult my life is because of you?"

"Uhh, I mean, it's not like I do it on purpose?"

Sasuke took another step closer, shifting to the side just a bit in order to move Naruto in the direction he wanted.

"Of course you do it on purpose, Naruto."

He could tell the moment Naruto realized he'd used his name, eyes widening and teeth biting into his lower lip. It was such a heady, powerful feeling, affecting Naruto like this. How had he never realized before? Naruto was always so expressive, so easy to push. No one else got under Naruto's skin like he did, and no one else should be allowed to see the way he swallowed thickly as Sasuke pushed him up against a tree.

He wanted Naruto to want him.

It was a guilty want. He was not allowed, would possibly be rebranded an S-rank criminal for it by the village that treated Naruto like their savior, but was he going to let it stop him?

He had discovered things in the past weeks, past days, that he wouldn't let anyone take away from him. His hands lifted to Naruto's chest and hair, making quick work of his jacket zipper and twisting his fingers in soft, golden strands. He had let Naruto convince him that this wasn't wrong or impossible, hadn't even put up much of a fight.

"I don't mind," he confessed, whispering the words against Naruto's lips.

A shiver ran through Naruto, and Sasuke felt it through his hands and through the rest of his body, pressing them together. His mouth had fallen open, his eyes half-lidded as they tried to focus on Sasuke with barely any space between them. Sasuke liked him like this, open and silent, just waiting for Sasuke to take the first step. It was the side of Naruto that lay hidden underneath all the loudness and energy, when he'd already done everything to draw Sasuke in and just held his breath in anticipation.

Naruto should know, that once Sasuke committed there was no turning back.

"You win," he said, repeating the result of their final fight, because to say anything else would cut too deep, would have him bleeding the truth all over until there was nothing left of him.

You win my heart and my soul, he thought, hands on Naruto's warm skin, cupping a cheek and slipped underneath his shirt. If you leave me I'll die.

"I won't leave you," Naruto choked out, gripping his waist desperately. "If I leave you I'll die first."

For a brief moment, Sasuke didn't understand. Then Naruto's hand gripped his left one so hard it almost hurt, pressing it more firmly against Naruto's bare stomach.

Oh, he thought, as everything he felt poured through the mark on his hand into Naruto.

"I get it," Naruto whispered, voice hoarse. "It's the same for me."

Swallowing thickly, Sasuke left his hand where it was. He knew that if Naruto's sage powers hadn't been blocked, he would have touched Sasuke with his own mark to back up the truth of his words.

Sasuke believed him, anyway.

He could read it in his eyes, clear as day. He'd known, already, and Naruto had tried telling him so many times before. This time he nodded, acknowledged it out in the open. He felt a shuddering breath leave him, something like relief flooding him. It felt so good to give in, to leave himself bare – as well as maddeningly frightening, his heart beating a furious pace inside his chest.

The other beat, their shared pulse, echoed slow and steady in his ears.

"Sasuke, I…"

His forehead fell to Naruto's, and he shut his eyes against the onslaught of emotion. Even though Naruto must be close to exploding with all the things Sasuke felt for him, he himself could barely stay steady.

The ground beneath them seemed to tremble, a dull boom of a noise reverberating up his spine. It sounded again, and he felt Naruto frown, the grip on his hand turning slack.

"What-"

A sharp crack, like the earth had opened up, and Sasuke felt the tingle of Naruto's chakra as the flames of his kyuubi mode licked at him. It occurred to him that what he'd felt was not part of his emotions.

"Charasuke," Naruto breathed, and then they both turned and ran.

xxx

He should have known better than to try and find Sasuke. Naruto looked too much like Menma, and only served to remind him that he'd never have Menma like Sasuke had Naruto. If they lived in some kind of parallel worlds, shouldn't his and Menma's relationship mirror theirs? Instead they'd had some strange but intense off-and-on friends with benefits thing, where he wasn't even sure they counted as friends. And now they had nothing.

Maybe he was foolish for getting so involved. It had been his stubborn need to prove Menma wrong, to get under his skin when no one else could, and it ended up biting him in the ass. If he didn't find something to distract himself with, he'd end up thinking about it until he ran off to see if he could get kidnapped as well. Menma could be hurt, and no one seemed worried about his wellbeing. Naruto had mostly looked sheepish when he'd asked, like he should have known where Sasuke went and it was embarrassing that he didn't.

He kicked at a pebble on the road, muttering a curse when someone bumped into his arm. It was getting crowded on the streets, and he veered off to a side street to find somewhere quieter. His mood was shifting to weary rather than agitated, like the air had been punched out of him and all the frustration had slipped into acceptance. He couldn't help but play their last conversation on repeat. The one before Menma had left on the mission with his dad and the other Sasuke. He'd looked hollow-eyed, almost resigned. And Sasuke had done everything to push him away.

If Menma died, those would be the last words they exchanged.

It'll be the last time. From now on, you can forget about me completely.

Sasuke didn't want to forget. He didn't want to give up, and leave everything in the hands of fate. He wanted to tear reality to shreds and claw Menma back from whatever dimension he'd ended up in, and-

"Oh, Sasuke!"

Pausing mid-step, Sasuke suppressed a groan at hearing Gaara's voice. They had almost bumped into each other on the narrow street, Sasuke too focused on his thoughts to care about people in his way.

"Leave me alone," he sighed, but Gaara stepped in front of him, frowning with his barely there eyebrows.

"I was looking for you," he said, but he sounded a bit off as he said it. "I thought you were in the forest by the training grounds."

"What?" When Gaara merely shrugged, Sasuke rubbed at his cheek. "Why would I be there? That's nonsense."

"I just have a really strong sense of you being there."

Looking closer at Gaara, he seemed fidgety. He kept glancing to the left, and Sasuke realized he'd been about to cross the larger street leading between the gate near the training grounds and the nearest marketplace. Gaara must have seen him walk down the side street and stopped to meet him.

"Well, I'm here," Sasuke said, and definitely not in the mood for this. "What did you want?"

"Hm."

Gaara ran a hand through his short hair, giving Sasuke a glimpse of his forehead tattoo. He thought for a moment, shaping silent words with his mouth.

"I don't know."

"U-huh. Well, I have to go, so-"

"I really need to go there, though. Is there anything interesting over there?"

Sasuke stared at him. He looked completely serious, already turning towards the direction of the gate.

"There's absolutely nothing there," he replied, confused. "Why would you want to go there?"

"I just have to."

Something passed over Gaara's eyes, something slightly vacant. It was gone after a moment, but Sasuke felt his heart slam uncomfortably against his ribs. Hadn't Sasuke mentioned something about this, how Menma had become less and less responsive, then simply getting up in the middle of the night all blank-faced to run towards that strange place with the white creatures?

"Gaara, are you feeling alright?" he asked slowly, stepping closer to the other man. "I think we should go to the Hokage tower instead."

Shaking his head, Gaara took another step towards the busier main street. There was a confused expression on his face, like he was struggling to make sense of this need to go to the forest.

"I know I have to go there. I'll see you later."

And then he started walking, a brisk pace that it took Sasuke a few seconds to catch up with once he'd gotten over his surprise.

"I really don't think you should," he tried, grabbing at Gaara's sleeve. "Something weird is going on, you could be walking into danger!"

Gaara shook him off, resolutely keeping his fast pace. His body was tense, eyes constantly searching the street but barely avoiding the other villagers walking there. Sasuke wasn't sure what to do. Should he run for help? But then it might be too late, and anyway. Screw getting help. He'd stop Gaara before he left the village, and turn him around.

It ended up easier said than done, Gaara practically dragging him through the small village gate leading to their destination. He knew that with all the top secrecy surrounding Menma's disappearance he couldn't be too obvious about struggling with Gaara, but every time he tried to stop him sand rose from the gourd Gaara carried on his back and blocked him. Sasuke hadn't even noticed him wearing it, vaguely remembering seeing it at some point. He'd thought it had been ceremonial.

"Gaara, you have to stop! Listen to me!"

There was something empty in Gaara's pale eyes now, his face set in a neutral expression that didn't waver no matter what Sasuke said or did. He was starting to realize that not getting help had been stupid, but surely Gaara should be under surveillance? Why was no one stopping them from leaving the village? He could feel his heart pounding in his ears now, and angrily told himself to get a grip. He needed to think about this, not just panic like a genin on their first mission. Taking a deep breath he let Gaara pass him, surveying their surroundings. The training grounds were off a ways to the right, near the wall, while an unoccupied stretch of trees was squeezed between the training grounds, the cliffs at their left leading to the Hokage monument, and the Forest of death that lay straight ahead.

He really hoped Gaara wasn't headed for the Forest of death.

It was only used for carefully orchestrated survival training, otherwise the ANBU liked to use it for practicing secret techniques or testing new members. Sasuke had only been there once, waiting for Itachi to pass his ANBU test. (In the end, Itachi had quit ANBU after a few months and joined the Akatsuki instead). All sorts of dangerous things lurked in there, and Gaara seemed determined to head towards it.

He kept following Gaara at a distance, scanning the trees and ground for traps or signs of other ninja. He didn't have any weapons with him, wearing only his usual green pants with a sweater his mother had forced onto him to ward off the chill in the air. The trees were silent, their thick trunks looming so tall that he couldn't make out their crowns above. There was a well-worn path heading for the Forest of death, and Gaara followed it as if he knew where he was going. He shouldn't know about the Forest of death. The fact that he kept hurrying towards it made Sasuke's stomach sink, his initial fear seemingly fulfilled.

If Gaara made it into the forest, Sasuke couldn't follow him. It was strictly forbidden to enter, and Sasuke was not dumb enough to think it was for the safety of whatever lived inside the forest. He tried another rope-binding technique combined with charging at Gaara, but the sand pushed him away and he ended up slammed into a tree, the breath knocked out of him.

Coughing, he considered his options. He was mostly sure where Gaara was going, and the smart thing would be to run back to the village and get help. But, if he left now and Gaara disappeared, they wouldn't know what had happened to him. They'd already covered at least half the distance between the village and the Forest of death, and by the time he got back Gaara might have already disappeared inside it.

Torn, he hesitated for a few seconds before gritting his teeth and running after Gaara.

"This better not kill me," he muttered under his breath, swearing to never leave the house without weapons again (maybe just never leave the house at all).

They closed in on the Forest of death, the trees growing thicker and taller before giving way to a cleared area surrounding the fence barring entrance to it. The fence was just for show, since there were invisible barriers making sure that people were actually kept out. He slowed down, wary of any traps as Gaara paused in front of the fence. There was a gate just ahead, and as Gaara raised a hand, it swung open without a sound.

Some kind of alarm should be triggered by the gate opening, though Sasuke wasn't feeling too sure of it. He probably couldn't count on anyone coming for him. Steeling himself, he carefully made his way across the empty ground, half expecting the gate to shut in his face when he reached it.

It stayed open, the silence on the other side of the barrier more nerve-wracking than any noises would have been. All senses on high alert, Sasuke held his breath as he passed through. A few steps in, and the gate remained in its position. He wondered if any of the animals would notice and head for the village.

There was a sharp crack up ahead, and Sasuke was harshly reminded of why he'd entered in the first place. Gaara had disappeared between thick trees, but something had triggered one of the numerous traps. He could just about make out a split in the ground where the trees started, and as he watched, the sides slowly grew together again, leaving no trace that there had been a deep hole in the ground.

He swallowed, and took a deep breath. He'd gone through this type of training countless times before, and while he wasn't very strong, he took some pride in having sharp eyes. Finding the traps wouldn't be a problem – avoiding them might.

Still, he had to catch up with Gaara and make sure nothing happened to him.

Ignoring everything inside him that screamed at him to turn around, Sasuke ran forwards on light feet. The trick was to have enough speed to not get caught, but not so fast that you didn't notice the traps. He jumped and dodged and took detours, all the while making sure he followed the faint traces left behind by Gaara. He tried not to think of what lay ahead, clearing his mind to focus on the task. Even so, it was with a sinking feeling in his chest that he wondered if he'd ever make it out again.

When he finally caught up with Gaara, breathing hard from the adrenaline rather than fatigue, he found him standing stock still on a tree branch hanging over a clearing. The tree was covered in green moss, the branch wider than a house. Sasuke hid among a pile of large rocks, the stone cold under his fingertips. He couldn't sense any other presences, nothing sinister at the very least. They weren't so deep inside the forest that the worst snakes would be roaming around, but he'd heard stories of far worse things than snakes.

Gaara seemed caught staring at the base of one tree, the branch he stood on reaching for it but stopping just short. There didn't seem to be anything unusual about the spot, the roots growing thick and disappearing down into the grass-covered ground. There were even a few flowers scattered among the roots, shivering in the wind.

Except there was no wind, and as the flowers shook with vibrations, Sasuke also felt the ground below him starting to shift. A tree fell behind the one Gaara stared at, loud creaking noises coming from the massive branches as they caught in other branches nearby and broke. Then the tree before Gaara seemed to push up out of the ground as well, toppling to the side as dirt noisily sprayed upwards with impressive force, the ground heaving one final time before seemingly collecting itself. Sasuke had grabbed onto the nearest rock, struggling to keep upright, but Gaara stood in the exact same place, unruffled.

Where the trees had stood was now what looked like a deep crater. The ground had been pushed sideways to pile around the edges, and there was enough dust in the air that he had to cover his mouth and nose, blinking furiously. For a few moments nothing else seemed to move, the silence deafening as the dust settled. Then the vibrations started again, Sasuke's knees giving out as he tumbled to the ground. With an ear-splitting crack a line opened across the crater, the ground heaving and groaning once more as it widened, dirt and rocks sliding down between the edges.

Through the whole thing Gaara remained unmoving, staring in anticipation. There seemed to be thin strands of sand swirling around him, distinguishable from the difference in pattern compared to all the dust. Sasuke wondered what he'd done in a past life to get involved with people like Gaara and Menma. He was never going to be able to save him – either of them.

Another sound interrupted his anguished thoughts, a low, shuffling noise. He'd barely torn his gaze away from Gaara before a white mass of bodies erupted from the opening in the ground, so tightly packed that it took several seconds for Sasuke to be able to separate them from each other.

For a moment he sat frozen, the creatures that the other Sasuke called white Zetsu seemingly hovering above them. If he ran now he could still escape. His heart beat rabbit-quick in his chest, his lungs heavy like lead – and then they were upon him, swarming him.

They're not particularly fast, he thought, stealing a kunai from one of them and slashing through another with it. But they were many, too many, making it impossible to find higher ground. The rocks blocked them from coming at him from all sides, but he needed to find Gaara before they dragged him with them back where they came from. He caught one of the creatures and slammed it into a couple of incoming ones, using the two seconds of breathing room to form the hand signs for his fire technique. He blew a flame above the rocks, jumping onto them and following the burned path towards Gaara's tree.

The tree was filled with white Zetsus clinging to it, surrounding Gaara but not touching him. They seemed to be waiting for something, all eyes turned to Sasuke. The flame dissipated, his chest aching from keeping it up while running. He sliced through one of the creatures blocking his way to the tree, dodging a kick aimed at his head and punching the face of a third. His ears were pounding, adrenaline coursing through him as he headed for the trunk of the tree. Something inside him screamed at him to run the other way, away from harm. He kept his course, refusing to give in. What good was he if he couldn't even fight these soulless creatures? What good was he if he left Gaara on his own, his consciousness overtaken by the enemy?

He grabbed another kunai and threw it in the neck of a Zetsu behind him, the heavy thunk as it hit the mark sounding more like hitting wood than flesh. The creatures didn't bleed, didn't speak, but they swung at him with killing intent in their eyes. It was like fighting a swarm of bees.

His body protested as he pushed himself to go faster, dodging rather than cutting, narrowly avoiding the sharp edges of their weapons. He tried not to look at their teeth, shark-like and bared at him. The distance had seemed so short before, but with hundreds of creatures blocking the way, he felt like he went more from side to side than forward. Pain blossomed in his thigh as one of them slashed through his pants, and he retaliated by driving his kunai through its stomach.

There were so many of them, and he couldn't see a path through their constantly moving bodies. He was surrounded on all sides, the Zetsus in the tree watching him with unblinking eyes. If he didn't figure out how to get to Gaara soon he'd tire out and make a mistake, and if he made a mistake he would die…

He wished Itachi was here. He always knew what to do, and had the strength to do it, while Sasuke always fell behind. How foolish of him, to think he had a chance. He was going to die in disgrace, in the middle of an unresolved conflict with his parents, and he'd never find out if Menma made it through alive.

It felt like he was burning, from the strain on his body, from the fear in his heart. He gritted his teeth, tightened his hold on the kunai, kicked and slashed and dodged as his vision blurred. Everything seemed to slow down, and didn't people say that time slowed down the moment you died? But he was still breathing, lungs screaming for air, and there seemed to be shadows moving ahead of the creatures now, like the sun had reached through the trees and shone on them from multiple directions.

He put his arm up to block a blow preceded by a shadow, and it connected with the Zetsu's arm exactly where the shadow had been a moment before. The shadow moved to the right and Sasuke saw the Zetsu move its body to follow just behind. Another shadow came at him from behind, but it was easy to twist around and dodge the kunai that followed. He turned his head back and forth, frantic, shadows moving everywhere and the creatures following behind like puppets, slipping into the space the shadow had occupied like fitting a mold.

Things were moving too fast and too slow at the same time and his head spun with it, but when he lifted his eyes towards Gaara, a path wound through the shadows, showing him where to slip by. He didn't hesitate.

He moved in the gaps before the shadows filled with slimy white bodies, letting his eyes steer his body without thinking. There was a piercing ache behind his eyes, worse than the wound in his leg. Gathering his chakra he sent another pillar of flame up the trunk of the tree, the fire bright from chakra as he pushed against the ground and jumped high.

As he came level with the branch Gaara stood on he could see the sand around him move, almost in tune with its shadows, clumping together and then stretching out like dozens of needles hovering in the air before him. He could see their intended paths, the shadows rushing towards him, knew exactly where they would hit him, he could see–

He could see.

And then the world turned purple.

xxx

There wasn't much to do to prepare. Sakura would pack lightly, anyway. She needed her chakra, a few emergency supplies, but the lesser weight to carry the better. With any luck she'd be bringing two extra people back with her, making three people in total, making a lot more than she's ever tried to carry before.

She hovered outside Menma's hospital room, clenching and unclenching her fists before pushing the door open. The guard set beside the door barely acknowledged her hesitance, but she felt her cheeks burn as she slipped inside and shut the door firmly behind her. There was no reason to feel awkward just because of what Konohamaru had said, but she couldn't help it.

Menma seemed to be asleep, and Ino gave her a shrug from where she sat by the window reading a book.

"He hasn't said much," she said, closing the book and setting it aside. "I did ask about Naruto and Sasuke, and he just glared at me."

"Not much to say if you don't want to hear it," came Menma's reply, his eyes flying open to stare up at the ceiling. "How's your plan coming along?"

Sakura watched him for a minute, taking in the all too familiar features settled into an unfamiliar mask of boredom. Menma hadn't been talkative yesterday either, hadn't said much more than a sarcastic oh really when Sakura suggested that maybe there was a third pair of Naruto and Sasuke visiting his dimension. He also seemed to grow more irritable as time passed, though he never argued about staying in bed.

"We'll know soon enough," she said, frowning at him. "I'll come get you in the morning."

"Fine."

She shared a look with Ino, then turned back to Menma and cleared her throat.

"Just a few more hours and you'll be back home," she told him, forcing a smile.

"Good for you."

Rubbing at her face, Sakura tried to count down in her head, keeping calm. She'd told him last night that they'd transport him back as soon as she'd managed to pick up Naruto and Sasuke (and made sure the other dimension wasn't a trap), but he'd acted as if they were foolish to think it would work. It would work, she was sure of it. She had to be sure. It wasn't the original plan, but she'd lost her temper last night and she needed him to go.

For her own peace of mind she really needed him to go.

It was too unnerving to spend time with a Naruto who acted like Sasuke at his worst. They still had no clues as to why he'd shown up, and she'd feel a lot less anxious if she could get the real Naruto back. She hadn't realized how much she'd started to depend on him until he disappeared – how much the entire village depended on him. There was nothing he couldn't fix, no threat too large, no task too impossible. She'd held his heart in her hand and forced him to live, and to not see the proof of it, to not see him, made her feel so useless.

"I know there are people who miss you," she told him once her temper was under control again. "If not for your own sake, then at least try to cooperate for theirs."

Menma looked away, body tense under the thin hospital blanket. He was so difficult to read, an impenetrable wall surrounding him, leaving more questions for every question asked.

"It might be better if I stay," he mumbled, and Sakura felt another surge of anger flare through her.

"I don't care," she bit out, turning to leave before she could say anything else.

Her pulse raced in her chest as she made her way outside, people moving out of the way for her. It was irrational, how angry she was. They were alright, she'd find them tomorrow, and everything would return to normal. Naruto would come by the hospital to complain about Tsunade overworking him. Sasuke would hover somewhere behind him, acting like he'd rather be anywhere else but waiting patiently for Naruto to finish. They were always together nowadays, and if they weren't, Naruto kept looking over his shoulder as if expecting Sasuke to be there.

They didn't live together anymore, and Sakura had a creeping feeling that it had bothered Naruto. She didn't want to think about it, but what if Menma was telling the truth? Were they happy together, not missing her at all?

She shook her head viciously, dispelling the thoughts. Naruto would have told her. The bond they had ran deep, everyone knew that, but surely it wasn't that kind of bond? She couldn't picture it. Just like everyone knew that Naruto would become Hokage, everyone also knew that he and Hinata would end up together. When things settled down. And maybe Sasuke would see her the way she wanted him to…

Even as she thought it, she felt hollow somehow, like an echo of a future that could have been. If she were truly honest with herself, pushed away the idea of happily ever after she'd imagined as a child – wasn't it obvious that Naruto had forgotten that women existed the past year?

They'd all been so busy. The war left things a mess, but all around them people had been silently pairing up. It was easier to face the future if you weren't alone, or something like that.

Sakura had felt alone.

She knew what the other world was like. Peaceful. Naruto and Sasuke's families alive. Could she blame them if they chose to go? If they chose to stay?

Could she blame herself, for selfishly wanting them to come back?

I feel like I should apologize for yet another cliffhanger, but there's no helping it in this part of the story. I wonder if you can guess what's going to happen next...?

I'm really sorry for not replying to all reviews, life hasn't been very forgiving to me lately and I'm hopelessly behind. But I read each and every one of them carefully, and they often put a big smile on my face. A huge thank you to everyone who commented and messaged me about this fic. It truly is the reason I've kept stubbornly working on it - your support and enthusiasm means everything! Because of you, I'll keep working hard!