I want to start with a content warning for this chapter - it's nothing terrible but it's a pretty angsty chapter, and there's one character having a panic attack. To avoid spoilers, I've written in the end notes where it starts and where it's passed, if you want to skip it or know in advance when it's coming.
Big things happening in this chapter - I was very anxious about posting this and want to give a huge thank you to Éva for helping me out and reading it through before I posted it. You're the best *hugs*
I really hope you'll enjoy the chapter, even if it's a bit of a sad one!
Chapter 43: Space and time
xxx
Things were tense as they gathered in the clearing where Naruto and Sasuke had first disappeared. Kakashi had accompanied them, as well as a bunch of ANBU placed strategically in the surrounding trees. Menma stood stiffly just far enough away to not be part of their group, but not far enough away that he couldn't hear them. He'd been given some clothes to borrow, and Sakura found it uncomfortable to see "Naruto" in the dark standard uniform pants and shirt. He looked pale and tired, ignoring their glances.
"Well," Kakashi said, "I wish you best of luck. You know what to do, try not to take more than a few hours."
"If they're there, we shouldn't have any trouble," Obito replied, breathing in the fresh air, scarred face calm. "I can sense the dimension as clearly as last time."
They'd been waiting for Obito to declare that he could trace the path leading to the correct dimension, and Sakura felt her shoulders relax minutely. She'd thought it would take longer, but they'd only spent a few minutes before Obito had nodded, prompting Kakashi's words.
She had stored what she hoped was enough chakra in the seal on her forehead, flexing her fingers now to prepare for the jump. Obito put his hand on her shoulder, squeezing once. It was oddly reassuring. Drawing in a deep breath, she nodded once to show she was ready, and released the seal.
A shockwave tore through the grass as she felt the power fill her, tearing at their clothes. During the war, she had aided Obito's jumps through dimensions by healing the strain on his body. This time she would not only need to heal him, as his body was weak from a year with his chakra seeped from him, but also to replenish his chakra fast enough that he would survive teleporting all four of them back – not to mention they had no idea what might happen as they arrived. Obito had repeated that he would be alright, but she was a medic nin first and foremost. The strain he'd been put through during the war had all but ruined his chakra paths, and it would be up to Sakura to keep them functional. A delicate enough operation on a patient in a hospital bed.
She turned around, facing him, placing both palms on his chest as they lit up with green.
"I'm ready," she said, and felt the world start swirling around the edges.
It was only for a split second, too late to reverse, but the kyuubi's roar and the shockwave of sinister chakra hit them mid-jump, a storm where her chakra had been a breeze. All she saw from the corner of her eye was red, all she heard was the roar covering alarmed shouts, and then she and Obito stood in the same place in an entirely different dimension.
"The kyuubi," Obito panted as Sakura frantically healed him.
The sudden silence and the lack of chakra whipping through the air made her grit her teeth in desperation, Obito's breaths echoing loud in her ears. It had happened too fast to register, like a premonition rather than reality.
"We're down to minutes instead," she said, and prayed it would be enough.
xxx
The Akatsuki hideout, Naruto's clone decided, was just as bad as the time his original self had been there. They hadn't even let him dispel himself upon arrival! Even worse, they insisted that he stay in plain sight, to make sure nothing happened to him.
When would they realize that they were what was happening to him?! He was going crazy. He paced around the living room, muttering to himself. Konan sat on the couch, calmly sipping at her tea. She'd been designated as today's baby sitter, and at least she was a welcome relief after yesterday's complete disaster with Deidara. Things had been blown up. Luckily the creepy guy (who the hell has mouths on the palms of their hands? And think it's acceptable to touch other people?) had shut himself inside his room since last night, sulking.
"Would you please sit down," Konan said, sounding completely indifferent to his suffering.
"No thanks."
He was going to be so scarred by the end of his stay that he hoped Sasuke put an end to his misery. He was the only one he trusted to do the job properly.
"I don't see what you have to worry about, you're a clone?"
Stopping mid-step, he stared at her.
"Everything that happens to me will feel like it happened to my real self? And I'm currently being tortured?"
She frowned, setting her teacup gently onto her lap. Eyeing him, where he stood clad in Menma's dark pants and tank top, Akatsuki cloak hanging from his shoulders (it was cold, okay!), she seemed to come to some sort of decision.
"Very well. But I must say, you seem much less uncomfortable by the presence of gay people compared to last time."
He grimaced, hand coming up to rub at his neck.
"I wasn't uncomfortable," he said, biting his cheek. "And uh, I guess me and Sasuke…"
A smile bloomed on her face, and she patted the empty space next to her on the couch. Clone-Naruto supposed it would be rude to ignore the invitation, and with a heavy sigh he went over to sit down at the very edge of the couch.
"Itachi told me a little," she started, her dark blue hair starting to fall down into her face a bit from the messy bun on her head. "I'm sorry to hear that things are difficult where you're from."
"Difficult is one way of putting it," he muttered.
"Things used to be simple here, you know. But now with fewer people born able to mold chakra, ninjas who don't reproduce are frowned upon. Not by everyone and not everywhere, but some people are really vocal about it. All of us in Akatsuki are trying to escape a fate like that – being forced to have kids only because we have a strong affinity for this chakra type or that."
"Huh." Clone-Naruto wasn't sure what to say, fidgeting instead with the edge of his cloak. "In my world, Akatsuki really is a mercenary group that we had to fight to the death because they wanted to capture all the bijuu and destroy the world."
She blinked at him, slightly taken aback. Perhaps Itachi hadn't told her that part.
"It's nice you're not evil here, I guess, but you're still weird."
Shaking her head slowly, she gave him an amused look. When she sipped at her tea, Naruto let his eyes wander the room. Even if he logically knew they weren't evil here, the past of his own world felt suffocating sometimes.
"What will you do when you return?" she asked suddenly, startling him.
He didn't know what to say. He didn't want to think about it, either. Maybe it was written clear as day on his face, because she laid a hand on his arm, expression serious as she continued.
"It's fine if you don't know. I didn't know what I wanted when I was your age, and maybe I still don't know for sure. But I want you to know that it's okay to simply live for your own sake, and take things as they come."
Staring at her, wide-eyed, something thick seemed to catch in his throat.
"I felt so selfish when I joined Akatsuki. It wasn't what anyone wanted for me, but now at least I know that this is what I want for me. Some people won't support you, but the people that matter will. And you're not alive to do what other people think is best for you."
Then she smiled, breaking the serious moment. As she leaned back again, holding up her tea, she shrugged a bit helplessly.
"Well, this is what I tell other people when they don't know what to do. No one ever told me it was okay, so if it helps at all I'll be glad."
Keeping silent for a minute, Clone-Naruto frowned down at his hands as they curled over his knees. He wasn't sure if it helped, exactly, because his problem was more that he wanted different things that did not seem to work together, and choosing would be too painful.
"You know," he said eventually, "you weren't truly evil. You'd been hurt first, and followed the only path you could see through the pain."
He thought of Sasuke, of the pain he'd felt through his mark yesterday, the all-consuming darkness that had been pushed away.
"But you can always choose, you know? For a long time I didn't understand why people wouldn't just choose what was right on their own… But now I think-"
Cut off mid-sentence, the clone disappeared in a puff of smoke.
xxx
Charasuke supposed that breaking and entering should make him feel bad, seeing as he was the son of Konoha's chief of police and everything, but he felt slightly vindicated instead as he pushed the window to Naruto and Sasuke's bedroom open around breakfast time.
He did not expect the both of them to still be in bed.
At least they were asleep, and not doing anything incriminating (though if he'd been in a better mood he wouldn't have minded the show). Sasuke's eyes fluttered open before he'd even swung his leg over the windowsill, but Charasuke paid him no mind as he climbed the whole way inside.
"No," Sasuke said, as he pushed the window shut again.
"You can leave if you want but I'm staying in here," he hissed back, sliding down to sit on the floor with his back to the wall.
Sasuke was forced to sit up to look at him, which he did with great reluctance. He looked disheveled, and like he'd just woken up.
"It's late, anyway. Shouldn't you be up already?"
Scoffing, Sasuke gave him a look that told him it's too early to care and promptly laid down again. Charasuke had, though he wasn't proud to admit it, snuck out of his hospital room the moment he heard voices outside. He still felt shaken, but physically in okay shape. He'd mostly slept after crying his eyes out in Itachi's arms, and he did not want to be confronted with his family today. So, he'd decided to hide it out in the place they most likely wouldn't come looking for him.
He'd sneak under the covers too if he didn't think Naruto would throw a fit and make him leave. After a minute or two, Sasuke sighed irritably and climbed out of bed, not sparing him a look as he quietly left the room.
Well, it's not like Charasuke cared if he wasn't welcome. He knew there was no way he could leave the village – where would he even go? – and Sakura's place was too obvious. He scowled at the floor as his stomach started growling, having skipped breakfast and not really eating much last night. Barely a minute later Sasuke returned, carrying a large blanket and a couple of pillows, which he threw carelessly towards him.
"Don't freeze to death," he muttered, and Charasuke could cry as he caught the soft fabric in his arms.
He wrapped the blanket around him, arranging the pillows so that he sat on one and had the other behind his back. There was a bit of a cold draft underneath the window, but the blanket was fluffy enough that he could manage. He'd just stay here until life was back to normal, and maybe at some point he'd get over the raw, aching spot behind his ribs. Since he was off duty, anyway…
Ducking his face behind his knees, he closed his eyes and listened to Naruto's quiet snores, and Sasuke's shuffling as he attempted to fall back asleep. He wished he could believe in them, that he knew for sure they would make things right again. Right now he felt like he couldn't trust anyone, least of all himself. He really was hopeless, wasn't he? His family had finally started involving him in things, even if in a shitty way, and he'd failed immediately.
He was too weak.
He hadn't even been able to help Gaara, so he was sure that any potential diplomacy missions to Suna were out of the question now. Not because he wanted to go, but it might have been nice to get out of the village a bit. Or at least be asked.
Gnawing on his lower lip, he wondered how long it would take for the other two to properly wake up, and if he could convince them to lie to his family and say they didn't know where he was. Something squirmed in his stomach at the thought of having to face his clan. Why did his life have to be such a mess? He should have never gotten involved with Menma in the first place. It had been idiotic, and as much as he loathed to admit it, he'd only done it out of spite.
No one else had dared to go on missions with Menma, so he would prove that he could. No one was allowed to be close with Menma, so he would. A silent rebelling, if you could call it that, and somewhere along the way it had turned into a twisted sense of companionship. They clashed in so many ways, but Menma had trusted him. And Charasuke had trusted him, even now he trusted him, because Menma was not a bad person. It hurt to think of the look in his eyes that moment at the training grounds, the way he'd given up.
If only he'd been able to see through his own pain and reach out. But he'd failed that too. Menma had, perhaps knowingly, run towards his own end and Sasuke had told him to go ahead.
He curled up on himself, forehead pressed to his bent knees. If only there was something he could do. If only he wasn't helpless. Weak. He let out a pathetic sniffle, and then all but jumped out of his own skin as Naruto sat upright in bed, throwing the covers off.
"What the fuck," he said, eyes scanning the room before landing on Charasuke. "You should be in the hospital."
"Leave him," Sasuke muttered, sounding as if his face was smushed into a pillow.
"Sasuke! You knew he was here!"
There was a groan, and then Sasuke sat up as well, scowl in place. He grabbed Naruto by the hair and pulled him back into bed, pointing threateningly at his face when Naruto made to get up again.
"You kept me up all night, now shut up."
To Charasuke's wonder, not a single more word was uttered. Sasuke glanced at him, an unreadable look on his face, then huffed as he got back under the covers. He tried not to think about the fact that Naruto was shirtless.
Not too long passed before Naruto sat back up, slowly, as if worried it would trigger Sasuke's wrath again. He squinted at Charasuke, who squinted back, then muttered something about the bathroom. For a supposed ninja he wasn't particularly graceful as he stepped over Sasuke, then slammed the door behind himself. He heard Sasuke sigh, then watched him shuffle into an upright position, legs thrown over the edge of the bed.
Sasuke stared at the shut door for a moment, then glanced to the side, meeting Charasuke's gaze. A loud gurgling noise could be heard from inside the bathroom, Sasuke's eye twitching in disgust. He couldn't help but smile at the sight.
"Might as well get dressed," Sasuke sighed, standing up and raising his arms over his head, stretching out his back.
He scanned the room, and Charasuke eyed the mess of clothes as well. There was a box lying open, fabric peeking out over the top of it. It looked like all of Sasuke's clothes were neatly piled on a chair, while the rest was Naruto's. Naruto slammed the door to the bathroom open just as Sasuke had picked up a standard uniform shirt, and his mouth thinned in disapproval at the sight.
"You're not wearing that," he said, stalking over and snatching the shirt from Sasuke's hands as if offended. "We got loads of new clothes, at least try wearing them."
"Why should I."
Charasuke sunk into the blanket, hiding from what seemed to be escalating into a fight.
"Because your mother gave them to us?"
Raising an unimpressed eyebrow, Sasuke held his hand out.
"Alright then. Give me something that isn't an atrocious color."
"Oh, you're still trying to act like a color snob? You wore a purple skirt for years, the least you can-"
"Will you stop calling it a skirt-"
Naruto had been rummaging around the box, and now threw a piece of fabric at Sasuke. He caught it between two fingers, watching the pale blue shirt in clear disgust.
"You're wearing it," Naruto said.
They glared at each other, Charasuke biting his lip to stay silent.
"It's too cold to wear this."
"You actually own a sweater now, you know."
More staring, but then Naruto turned back to the box and started tearing through it like a man on a mission. The look on Sasuke's face was of pure indignation.
"We really should have gotten you a jacket though," Naruto muttered, holding up a pair of pants against the light pouring in through the window. "I think these are yours."
Something red and fluttery caught Charasuke's eye, and he scooted closer to stare at the printed kanji covering it. It looked like a thin coat or robe of some sort, the sleeves short and wide. Letting the blanket fall to the floor he reached out to pick it up, turning it back and forth.
"What do you need this for?" he asked, the other two pausing yet another glaring match to look at him instead.
"It looks cool, that's what I need it for," Naruto told him, grabbing a white shirt from the pile and pulling it over his head. "Hang on, I'll show you."
He snatched the robe from Charasuke's hands, pulling it on and then immediately striking a pose. In combination with the loose sleep pants he wore, it looked kind of ridiculous.
"Idiot, at least change your pants," Sasuke muttered.
Huffing, Naruto dug out a pair of black pants similar to the ones he'd thrown at Sasuke. Sadly the robe blocked the view as he changed, and Charasuke snorted at the dark flames decorating the bottom of it. Naruto then struck another pose, looking more like a movie character than an actual ninja.
"All you're missing is a dramatic rush of wind and a cool catchphrase," he grinned, Naruto pouting at him.
"I already have a catchphrase," he said.
"Please don't encourage him," Sasuke sighed, reluctantly removing his own shirt, nose scrunched up as he put on the blue one instead.
"Sasuke's just grumpy because he thinks I look hot like this."
"Do not."
Naruto winked at Charasuke, which was kind of weird but also did look strangely hot.
"Hey, bastard, where are my shoes?"
"How the hell should I know? Probably in the hallway."
Heaving a theatrical sigh, Naruto shuffled out of the room, most likely in search of shoes.
"What do you need shoes for indoors, anyway?" Sasuke called after him, shaking his head when Naruto yelled something back about heading outside to catch the wind. "Absolutely ridiculous."
"You're boyfriend's an idiot," Charasuke told him, smiling innocently when Sasuke sent him a dark look.
He tried not to stare as Sasuke changed his pants, though it was impossible to catch the way his shirt sat tight around his muscled chest, or the way it truly showed off his collarbones. When Naruto came back he threw Sasuke's shoes at him, motioning for Charasuke to open the window.
"Come on," he said, impatient. "I'll show you-"
He paused, abruptly. Eyes growing distant for a moment, his face changed from annoyed to tense between one heartbeat and the next.
"Shit," he swore, shoving his shoes on. "Sasuke, one of my clones just dispelled. Sakura-chan and Obito just teleported here."
The change was immediate. Naruto held his hand out and Sasuke took it, no questions asked.
Charasuke grabbed onto Naruto's arm, not thinking about what he was doing, and suddenly they were outside. He shivered in the cold wind hitting his face, the trees surrounding them rustling and bending to it, back and forth. Louder than the wind was the sound of harsh breathing, coming from the two people standing in the middle of the clearing.
Both Naruto and Sasuke tensed, and then, as if in slow motion, Sakura turned to look at them. Her hands were pressed to Obito's chest, though Obito looked nothing like he should. One side of his face was twisted, like someone had scrunched it up like a piece of paper.
"Sakura-chan," Naruto breathed.
The look on her face was one of controlled fear, mixed with relief. Charasuke swallowed, a lump lodged in his throat.
"We have to go as soon as I've healed Obito," she said, the command in her voice lashing through the tension. "Menma lost control the moment we teleported, they won't be able to hold him back for long."
Naruto stalked over to her, Charasuke staring helplessly at his rigid shoulders. He didn't know what to feel – Menma was clearly alive. He glanced at Sasuke, whose entire aura had changed. Gone was the relaxed, surly lookalike he'd gotten used to. In his place stood a fearsome, barely restrained man with eyes so hard that he shivered.
"Can you get me there and back again?" Naruto asked, though it was more a demand than a question.
If Sakura was surprised she didn't show it. Sasuke twitched beside him, as if holding back from disagreeing. When Obito nodded, Naruto turned on his heel, something complicated passing over his face as he met Sasuke's eyes. Holding his breath, Charasuke waited for something, anything, that might explain what was happening.
"Don't," Naruto murmured, a plea, as Sasuke's fists clenched.
"I'll make my own decisions," Sasuke gritted out, taking a few steps forwards, slow at first and then gaining speed as Naruto met him halfway. "What if-"
Naruto's hand shot up to press a thumb over Sasuke's lips, silencing him. His eyes seemed to search Sasuke's for a moment, before knocking their foreheads together.
"Don't fight me on this, Sasuke."
Mouth thinning into a line, the murder intent rolling off Sasuke in waves would have made anyone flee. Naruto didn't seem to notice. He kept staring at Sasuke, a little more space between them now. His thumb slipped from Sasuke's lips to cup his cheek, causing Sasuke to suck in a sharp, pained breath.
It hurt to watch. Charasuke bit his lip, heart thundering in his chest. Why did it feel like they were saying goodbye? He grabbed his shirt, twisting the fabric over his chest as Naruto leaned to the side, pulling Sasuke closer to him. Naruto must have said something, too low for him to catch, because Sasuke's expression went from furious to shocked to something so raw, almost stricken with pain that Charasuke couldn't breathe.
"Naruto, you can't just-" Sasuke forced out, the words dying on his lips as Naruto kissed him.
He had to avert his eyes. It felt too intimate a scene to witness, his entire body prickling with discomfort. It was too much. His gaze landed on Sakura instead, at the green glow of her hands and the paler green of her eyes as she stared at them, stunned. She looked different from the Sakura he was used to. Older, somehow. But there was no mistaking the hurt she felt as she watched them, the way she swallowed before turning her head around to face Obito again.
"We need to go, Naruto," she said, tone clipped as she removed her hands from Obito's body.
"I'll be back as soon as I can," Naruto promised, and Charasuke couldn't help but watch them again.
He saw Naruto cupping Sasuke's face with both hands, holding him still, Sasuke gripping his wrists tightly in turn. It was a moment that seemed to stretch out for eternity, the two of them frozen with the wind whipping through their hair and clothes. Naruto's cloak billowed out behind him, dark red, all other colors muted under the cloudy sky. It was like a scene from a dream, Charasuke a passive spectator, knowing nothing would change if he reached out. He could only stand in silence as Naruto took a step back, then another, hands slipping from Sasuke's face and forcing Sasuke to let go of him.
"You always come back," Sasuke said, a murmur barely heard. "Don't tell me things I already know."
It made Naruto smile, a tight-lipped, sad little thing that seemed to linger as he turned around. He reached Sakura in a few long strides, taking hold of her arm and throwing one last look over his shoulder as they shimmered in the air and disappeared.
Gone, just like that.
Charasuke drew in a breath, but no air seemed to enter his lungs. He tried again.
And again.
His heart thundered in his ears, as it all came crashing down around him. Menma was in the other dimension. He was attacking Konoha.
He pressed his palms over his eyes, the pain overwhelming. Was this it? Was this the end of things, their unknown enemy throwing Menma into a battle he might not survive?
There was no doubt in Charasuke's mind who would be the victor of that fight.
Everything hurt. His face felt too hot and tight, tears wetting his palms. The next attempted breath turned into a hiccup, his lungs protesting the lack of air. He didn't know when his legs had folded, but his knees touched the ground as everything started spinning.
He couldn't take it. He couldn't take the hopeless longing on Sasuke's face when Naruto turned his back on him. He couldn't take the harsh words Sakura had spoken. He couldn't take the fact that they'd been left behind, that he would have been so useless that no one even considered letting him help Menma.
It hurt it hurt it hurt it hurt–
Something pressed against the sides of his head, forcing him forwards, his hands landing blindly on a solid body as he lost balance. His face was jerked up, and he blinked furiously against the tears, vision so blurry and everything spinning out of control.
Then, a stinging pain hitting his cheek.
He gasped, gulping down air as his limbs trembled. But somehow he could see again, could see the green color of the grass below him, holding himself up with an elbow on the ground. The force from the slap had thrown him to the side, and he clutched at the strands as he struggled to regain control.
It took a few more struggling breaths to realize that his other hand was pressed against a chest, and another few before Sasuke's voice broke through the haze in his mind.
"-eathe with me, come on, you're a ninja for fuck's sake. Feel my ribs. Just focus on that, in, out, breathe dammit."
Sasuke sounded so irritated that for a second he had the insane urge to laugh. It gave him enough presence of mind to press his fingertips into Sasuke's chest, focusing on the movement of his ribcage. Slowly, breath by shuddering breath, he felt himself returning to his body.
"Finally," Sasuke sighed, but there was nothing condescending in his voice.
With Sasuke's help he managed to sit up straight, but then the tears started again. They spilled from his eyes like a steady, warm stream. He felt wrung out, lightheaded. Like someone had dug around inside his brain without bothering to put things back in their place.
Like everything hurt because he was crying, and like he cried because everything hurt.
He felt Sasuke's arms wrap around him, a steel cage to hold the world at bay.
It was cold, but Sasuke never shivered. He sat, unmoving, breaths steady and even. He was so in control that eventually Charasuke's sobs ebbed out into nothing, leaving him empty and scratched raw.
"Sorry," he whispered, throat thick and hurting around the word.
"Naruto will take care of things," Sasuke replied, sounding sure but unhappy. "He always does."
Biting his lip against a fresh wave of pain, Charasuke brought a hand up to scrub at his face.
"I don't want him to take care of things," he bit out, fist clenching. "I want to be there. What if he-"
He paused, swallowing down the fresh tears threatening to fall. He wanted to scream out his pain but gritted his teeth instead, jaw aching.
"Why are you so calm about this?!" he hissed, finally raising his face to catch Sasuke's eyes.
They look in them was anything but calm.
"It hurts so much I want to die," Sasuke told him, voice dark with held back emotion. "That's nothing new to me. Losing Naruto isn't new to me."
"You haven't lost him."
Sasuke raised an eyebrow.
"Then why are you acting as if they're both dead?"
Averting his eyes, Charasuke shivered in a sudden gust of cold wind. He didn't share Sasuke's unwavering faith in Naruto. And why should he? Naruto had never liked him or Menma. They got off to a bad start, and who knew what havoc Menma was wreaking under the control of something much stronger and more ruthless than him?
"I think the Sharingan is affecting you," Sasuke continued, letting go of him and standing up. "You're too unstable right now. We can't afford to spend the time waiting just sitting around crying."
Too tired to rise to the bait, Charasuke merely accepted the hand Sasuke offered him and got up on unsteady legs.
"I'm in no shape to train right now."
He felt Sasuke's fingers tighten around his. Looking at their hands was strange. His right hand. Sasuke's right hand. There was a small mark, a scar, on Sasuke's thumb that wasn't present on his own.
Letting his gaze trail up along Sasuke's arm, he wondered how different they really were. The pale blue color didn't suit him. He was too pale, like ice and snow. Hard like ice, too. How many horrors had he been through, to force himself steady like this?
Charasuke felt brittle, like the thin sheet of ice stretched across a puddle on the first cold morning of fall. Their hands stayed clasped, slowly warming up. He could feel Sasuke's eyes on him, could see the tense line of his jaw.
"I'm afraid," he whispered, the confession hanging between them, his heart feeling heavier by the minute. "I don't know what to do."
He felt lost. Fluttering in the wind. As if he'd be swept away if Sasuke didn't hold him down.
"We'll tell the others what happened," Sasuke said, leaving no room for discussion. "And you'll stay where I can see you."
Sasuke frowned, searching him. He didn't know what he was looking for, or if he found it, but a moment later his Rinnegan spun into his left eye, coloring it purple. Between one blink and the next they were back in the orphanage, standing in the bedroom among strewn out clothes.
He wasn't sure if his dizziness came from the teleportation or something else.
"I'll have Iruka get you something to eat. I'll be back once I've talked to someone."
His hand fell limply to his side as Sasuke let go of it. The lump in his throat refused to go away.
"Why are you doing this?" he blurted out, staring at the floor. "You don't need to care about me. You should have just gone with him!"
Silence. He wasn't sure what he expected Sasuke to say. That he wasn't doing this for them. That he didn't care. That whatever made Naruto force him to stay had nothing to do with them and he was just killing time.
"I don't want him to go," Sasuke said, so quietly that it was barely a whisper. "But I didn't want to go with him, either. Not now. Not like this."
Charasuke's head jerked up, but Sasuke wasn't looking at him anymore. He stared at nothing, gaze unfocused, expression blank.
"What do you mean?"
Shaking his head, Sasuke lifted his left hand, palm up. He spent a moment observing the moon carved into the pale skin, a thin slice of black ink. A shadow seemed to pass over his face, his fingers closing over the mark in a clenched fist.
"I'll be back soon," he said, not answering the question. "Don't go anywhere."
Charasuke spent a long time just staring at the door after it closed behind him.
xxx
Iruka was in the kitchen. Sasuke allowed himself a moment to breathe, eyes closed. He tried to tell himself that Naruto was right.
"Sasuke?"
The other man stood by the stove, leaning back a little to see him through the doorway. Sasuke stepped inside, the scent of miso soup filling the room.
"Naruto's clones disappeared, but I couldn't find you. Did anything happen?"
Something must have showed on Sasuke's face, because Iruka immediately dropped everything and walked over to him, worry shining in his eyes.
"It's fine," Sasuke told him, forcing himself to relax.
He couldn't show the emotional turmoil brewing inside him. The last thing they needed was to send everyone into a panic – he would keep things under control if it killed him.
"Naruto went back to our dimension for a while. We didn't have time to let people know in advance."
He looked at Iruka's hands rather than his face, the way his fingers gripped the dishtowel he held.
"Oh. When will he be back?"
That was the question, wasn't it.
I don't trust that things will go smoothly, Naruto had said to him. If things were that easy, he might have been back already. Sasuke wasn't sure how much time had passed.
"As soon as he can," he replied, ignoring the hollow space in his chest, where the slow beat connecting them could no longer be felt.
Did it not reach through dimensions, or had something blocked it? He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to feel like before. He didn't want to listen to the silence, suffocating him. An essential part of himself had been lost, leaving him with only belief.
But it was easy to believe in Naruto. He could deal with the pain. He could wrap himself in its comfort, using it to urge his feet forwards, step by step. Naruto would come back when he could – be it in ten minutes or ten weeks. He would not disappoint him by breaking.
"Could you give the other Sasuke something to eat? He's in our room."
"And what about you?" Iruka asked, making him pause in his attempt to leave. "I doubt you've had breakfast."
Sasuke shrugged, but Iruka clicked his tongue and motioned for him to wait. A few moments later he returned with some wrapped onigiri, pushing them into his hands.
"Naruto always worries that you're not eating enough." He bore his eyes into Sasuke, as if daring him to disagree.
Deciding not to comment and ignoring the way his heart squeezed, he gave a silent nod and left. He walked through the village with heavy steps, forcing himself to eat. It was better to stare ahead blankly and think of nothing. What felt like minutes ago he'd been in bed, pleasantly lethargic, Naruto a sure presence at his side. He kept turning around, expecting him to be there.
I don't trust that things will go smoothly.
Sasuke shivered. He should have known things were too good to last. Last night had been-
He shoved rice in his mouth, refusing to think about it. This wasn't the end. Naruto had never gone back on a promise, even when Sasuke tried everything to make him stop. But he didn't like the thought of him back in Konoha, alone. He hadn't fought him on it, no. It was a lost battle before it even started. For Naruto to use such an underhanded tactic… Sometimes he was more perceptive than Sasuke wanted to give him credit for.
I know you want to stay here. You won't forgive yourself if anything happened to them.
He gritted his teeth. Why did Naruto always have to be right. Why did he allow Naruto to see every part of him, to pry him open like a puzzle, to say his thoughts out loud when he himself didn't want to?
Stopping in front of the path leading up to his parents' house, he fought the feeling of helplessness that threatened to overtake him. You can't just decide things for me, he'd wanted to say. But Naruto won that battle, too.
The front door opened, Shisui sticking his head out. They watched each other for a long moment, Shisui's face unreadable. Then he stepped back, holding the door open for Sasuke to come inside. He followed reluctantly, removing his sandals and putting on a pair of guest slippers. Shisui had disappeared into the kitchen, busying himself with a teapot as Sasuke entered.
"You don't look like you've got good news," Shisui said, his tone light despite the serious look he sent Sasuke over his shoulder. "Itachi left a couple hours ago."
"I don't know what kind of news it is," he muttered, sitting down on a chair, accepting the mug of green tea that Shisui handed him.
He wasn't sure why he'd come here instead of going to the Hokage tower, or the police station. He didn't want it to feel so official, like Naruto wasn't coming back soon. Like it had really happened, and wasn't just a strange dream he needed to wake up from.
"Well?" Shisui prompted him, sitting down as well.
It didn't feel weird to see him anymore. In a way, it was comforting that his family was allowed to live out their lives in one world, at least. He wondered if Shisui was happy. If Charasuke was cursed to be as unhappy as he himself had been for most of his life.
"Menma is in our dimension," he started, clutching the steaming mug in his hands. Shisui must have just finished brewing the tea when he showed up. "Sakura and Obito managed to teleport from our side and arrive here. Naruto went back with them."
Shisui stared at him, unmoving. Then he sat back, releasing a heavy breath.
"And I'm guessing he's not back yet?"
Sasuke shook his head.
"It hasn't been that long."
"And you wouldn't happen to know where Charasuke is, speaking of disappearances? I heard he wasn't in his hospital room this morning."
Hesitating, Sasuke lowered his eyes. The mug was beautifully made, lacquered clay colored a deep blue. He traced the ridge with a thumb, wondering how much he could tell Shisui. It was clear that Charasuke was dealing with a lot at the moment, and he wasn't sure what it was all about.
"You don't have to tell me where he is," Shisui told him, frowning. "He's not too happy with us, I think."
"At least he's alive."
They sat in silence for a moment, Sasuke's gaze stuck on his tea, Shisui watching him intently in turn.
"Did you tell anyone else yet?"
When Sasuke shook his head, Shisui heaved another sigh. He ran a hand through his curly hair, swearing under his breath.
"Anything else I should know?"
Wetting his dry lips, Sasuke pulled the mug closer to himself and lifted his head.
"Just as Sakura and Obito teleported here, Menma turned into the kyuubi and possibly attacked the village. That's why Naruto left so suddenly."
Shisui's eyes narrowed at him, an unhappy curl to his mouth.
"And you're still here, because?"
"Naruto didn't tell you?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow, but Shisui merely raised both of his in return. "Kaguya told him I would die if I go back."
Surprise showed on Shisui's face, before he sank down into the chair, shoulders slumped.
"Well, damn," he said, staring at Sasuke like he didn't know what to say. "This is really complicated. I don't like it."
Sasuke barely managed to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Sitting here and drinking tea with Shisui wasn't necessarily the most productive thing to do right now, but he couldn't bring himself to stand up and leave. It had taken enough effort just to come here. He kept searching for that extra beat, catching himself lifting a hand to rub at his chest. He would know immediately if Naruto returned – until then he had to keep things together.
"So, what now. We just wait?"
Sasuke wished he knew.
xxx
Things were somber in the meeting room as they gathered that evening. Naruto still hadn't returned, and no one seemed to know where Charasuke was. Shisui had his suspicions, of course, but he figured it was better left alone.
Itachi had returned once he found out that the Naruto clone left at Akatsuki's hideout had been dispelled, his expression dark. It felt like everyone was expecting a hundred catastrophic events at the same time. Obito cleared his throat, though no one reacted, each one lost to their own thoughts.
"Tsunade-sama has quietly increased protective measures around the village. We're calling home most jounin and accepting only enough missions to make sure the village is kept running."
Fugaku wasn't there, busy going through things at the station. No one looked at Charasuke's empty chair. As long as he didn't leave the village, he supposed Mikoto wouldn't hunt him down.
"And how is Gaara?" Mikoto asked, letting the rest of her question go unsaid.
Has the Kazekage decided to leave yet?
"He's recovering. And heavily guarded, to make sure nothing similar happens again."
Gnawing on the inside of his cheek, Shisui forced the rest of his body to stay still. The pressure in the room was getting to him. No one asked the questions they really needed to consider. What would happen if Naruto never came back? What would happen if those white creatures attacked them? And, more importantly, what would happen if Sasuke had to face their still unknown enemy alone?
The Hokage elections meant the village would be filled with people, all looking forward to the festivities afterwards. Any Konoha ninja who could would return home, and there would be representatives from all the neighboring villages. It would be the perfect time to strike. Their preparations and early security measures wouldn't hold against anything of the magnitude that Naruto and Sasuke were used to facing.
"Tsunade is trying to give as little information as possible to the clan leaders," Mikoto continued, face taut with stress. "I don't know how much longer until she decides that Sasuke either talks, or is made to talk."
"I'll talk to him," Itachi sighed, passing a weary hand over his eyes. "Maybe it's better if he leaves the village. If he's the target, and not Konoha, it would be the most logical course of action."
Shisui grimaced. He and Obito had already been through this with Tsunade. She seemed reluctant to let him out of sight, considering his powers might be their only shot at surviving an attack.
"I don't think Tsunade-sama understands that it's not as easy as to make him talk, or stay, or go anywhere at all. Who is going to force him, exactly?" Shisui frowned at the other three, knee nervously bouncing. "Don't underestimate him like you underestimated our own Sasuke. He'll fight you to death if he thinks he needs to, and where will that leave us?"
Dead, probably, though no one said it out loud.
"I'll talk to him tomorrow, anyway," Itachi said, standing up. The chair scraped against the floor, and he flicked his hair back before sending Shisui a look that spoke volumes. "I think it's time to catch up on some sleep."
They hadn't even had time to move back into Shisui's now empty apartment, with everything that had happened. He found himself missing the privacy it would have given them.
"Best thing I've heard all day," he muttered, eager to leave the gloomy atmosphere filling the room.
The other two stayed behind, and Shisui sighed loudly once they were far enough away to not be overheard. He was starting to feel like Itachi's words from early that morning had come back to haunt them.
"Do you know where Sasuke is?" Itachi asked, voice low as he slowed down a little, letting Shisui come up beside him. "Our Sasuke, I mean."
"Probably with the other Sasuke. That's the feeling I got when I talked to him. I don't think he'll appreciate a visit, though."
Itachi shook his head. His hair hung loose, neither hair tie nor forehead protector holding it back from his face. Even though Shisui had spent several months separated from him, and several years before that loving him, it felt like just yesterday that Itachi, distraught, had confessed to having feelings for him. He hadn't thought that nominating him was a mistake, not when he was clearly respected enough to be one of the final candidates – but looking at him now he wondered if he'd forgotten to put Itachi's own feelings first.
No wonder he'd been mad at him.
"I'm sorry," he said, reaching out to tug at a few strands of Itachi's hair. A wry smile formed on his lips, Itachi turning towards him with a questioning look. "I'm sorry I'm not more reliable. I just hate seeing you this worried."
"It's hardly your fault," Itachi replied, taking hold of his hand and linking their fingers. "And yes, I'd be just as worried even if you hadn't nominated me. If anything, worrying about having to become Hokage is taking my mind off the rest."
"You'd do a great job, though."
Mouth pursed, Itachi looked like he was about to argue but decided against it. Instead he kept walking, his silence communicating clearly enough that Shisui wasn't entirely forgiven yet. He could deal with Itachi being mad at him.
"Have I told you that I love you lately? No?" He walked past Itachi, spinning around to walk backwards in front of him. "Just making sure you don't forget."
The corners of Itachi's lips quirked up, barely suppressing a smile. Some of the light returned to his eyes, as he pushed at Shisui's chest with his free hand.
"I think you can do better than just tell me," he said, rolling his eyes at Shisui's answering grin.
If all he could do was distract Itachi, then he would do his damned best to succeed in that, at least.
xxx
He had ended up back in the clearing. Shisui had offered to let everyone know what happened, and Sasuke couldn't say he hadn't accepted it with relief. Waiting felt wrong, his skin bristling with impatience, so he'd trained until the sun started setting.
Leaving had felt wrong, too, but as he stared at the orphanage from the rickety gate by the street he knew that it didn't matter if he waited there or anywhere else.
Charasuke was still sleeping, but Iruka was bustling around the kitchen again. He looked up as Sasuke snuck inside, filling a serving bowl with rice from the rice cooker.
"There you are," he said, all but shoving the bowl into his chest. "Take this out to the kids, please. I need to figure out where I put Daisuke's bib, he keeps getting food everywhere…"
Stunned, it took a moment before Sasuke shuffled over to the dining table. He placed the bowl down and was immediately assaulted with children demanding him to put rice on their plates. This was Naruto's job, usually. Though, he'd spent enough time watching from the sidelines to figure there was nothing to do but obey. All of a sudden he got swept up in the dinner craze, serving food and wiping up spilled water, adding his own glare to Iruka's when certain children wouldn't sit still.
By the end of it he was exhausted, listlessly eating his own serving of fish and pickled vegetables with the rice. The miso soup he'd smelled in the morning had disappeared between the kids faster than he could perform the hand signs for his fire jutsu. Iruka had disappeared as well, bringing them upstairs to get cleaned up and ready for bed, leaving him alone with only silence as company.
They hadn't asked where Naruto was, so he supposed that Iruka must have told them something.
He ran a hand through his hair, feeling the dried sweat and general mess he was. Naruto had spent a lot of time last night playing with his hair. He'd buried his hands there as they kissed, had tugged at the ends to make Sasuke open his mouth. They hadn't done much more than that, simply holding each other close, forgetting the outside world.
He'd thought he could get used to it. Now, knowing he would spend the night without him, he realized that he was already used to it. Not having Naruto nearby was uncomfortable. Wrong. His body kept trying to tell him that something wasn't right, that something was missing. Logically, he knew that Naruto would be fine. Irrationally, he couldn't help but think that something had gone terribly wrong. He hated sitting idle, with only his thoughts as company. He'd done too much of that throughout his life, and Naruto was so good at blocking out the thoughts he didn't want.
What was Naruto doing? Was he alone, too, thinking of him? He hoped not. He hoped Naruto was too busy to wonder if he was alright. Sasuke was never truly alright, anyway. He always felt one step too close to the edge, fearing the drop. Naruto wasn't there to pull him back now, and he didn't necessarily trust himself.
Drawing in a deep breath, he abandoned his food and went to check on Charasuke instead. His other self was still asleep, or at least pretending successfully. He laid curled to one side, covers drawn up to his ear. Sasuke took a quick shower and brushed his teeth, pointedly not looking at himself in the mirror. He felt detached from himself, simply going through the motions. It was a feeling he knew well. Since his bed clothes were lost somewhere on the bed, his eyes fell on one of the many shirts Naruto had left lying around the room. It was one of the orange ones he got from Mikoto, though he couldn't remember exactly when Naruto had worn it.
There was no way he could wear that.
He still put it on.
Muttering to himself he cleaned up some of the clutter, because of course Naruto would leave a mess and not come back to deal with it. He was in the middle of wondering why there were so many books in a corner – everyone knew Naruto didn't like to read – when Charasuke stirred.
"What time is it?" he mumbled, blinking blearily at Sasuke.
"Past dinner time. I'll get you some leftovers."
He didn't leave any room for discussion, venturing out to the kitchen again and hurrying back with a filled plate. Charasuke looked terribly irritated about being awake.
"Just eat it," Sasuke told him, ignoring the way he frowned at the orange color on his shirt.
"You're worse than Itachi."
Sasuke didn't bother replying. He grabbed one of the books at random and sat down on the bed, leaning back against the wall with a pillow behind his back. It was something about the history of agriculture in the Land of Earth. After a couple of minutes he threw it back on the pile, bored out of his mind. He'd even take one of Kakashi's perverted books over this crap.
"Hey," Charasuke said, pausing with the chopsticks halfway to his mouth. "Tell me something about Naruto."
"About Naruto?"
Sasuke frowned, but Charasuke bumped his knee against his thigh, waving his chopsticks around as he spoke.
"Yeah, what is he like? I mean, what is he really like? I feel like I don't know anything about him."
Shifting slightly, but graciously allowing Charasuke's knee to stay pressed to his leg, Sasuke let his gaze wander around the room. He wondered where to start. He could talk about Naruto's life story, but that would take all night. With how much Naruto had talked the first few months he'd been back, seemingly desperate to fill any silence, Sasuke knew more about his life than most.
"What do you want to know?" he asked, pulling the other leg up to his chest and resting an arm on it.
Charasuke thought for a moment, poking at the rice in his bowl. He looked so tired, despite having slept the entire day. There weren't many traces left of the incorrigible flirt his nickname referred to.
"What do you like about him?" he asked, head tilted, curious. "He's so loud, so at first you think he's just stupid, but he's kind of frightening too."
Sasuke let out a snort. Loud was certainly one way of putting it.
"He is kind of stupid," he muttered, giving Charasuke's bowl of food a pointed look until he started eating again. "Maybe stubborn is a better word. He keeps pushing ahead, no matter what. I think the strangest thing about him is that he can make people care about things."
"Hmm, I don't know. I don't feel particularly caring when I'm around him."
"He's not trying to make you care about things."
Narrowing his eyes, Charasuke shoved too much food in his mouth to answer, forcing Sasuke to keep talking.
"He's done a lot of stupid things that would have killed anyone else, but because he's Naruto, he always makes it work. He's better at using his brain now, but when we were kids…" He sighed, letting his head fall back against the wall, wondering why the memories of Naruto back then and their genin team made him feel so nostalgic. "He got in trouble all the time, got us in trouble all the time. But he always came out stronger."
It had frustrated him to no end, how Naruto kept growing so fast, how he never slowed down – just ran faster and faster like nothing could stop him.
"You miss him…"
He glanced at Charasuke, the way he stared down at his hands, a torn look on his face. He meant to reply, but Charasuke's next words had him frozen in place.
"When did you realize you love him?"
Time seemed to slow down. His heart felt heavy against his ribs, as if struggling.
"I know you told me you got together at the battle field last year," Charasuke continued, words tumbling over each other, "but that can't be it, right? Did you know back then already? Or was it like, you didn't think about it and then you just realized?"
"It's… more complicated than that." Hesitating, he opened his left palm to stare at the half-moon mark. It felt like more than a simple mark, more than a symbol of the powers he'd received from the Sage of the six paths. It tied him to Naruto, as if destiny itself had forced them together. He had, whether through choice or circumstance, walked a path that left no other end but to accept Naruto as a part of his life. "There's nothing romantic about it."
"But you're in love with him," Charasuke argued, turning towards him.
"Calling it that is too simple," he clipped back, fingers twisting in the fabric of his pants. "I didn't wake up one day and realized I wanted to hold hands and skip into the sunset, or whatever it is that people think about. I tried to kill him and I couldn't. I tried to forget about him, and I couldn't. I've spent most of my life trying to ignore him, to keep him out, and telling myself I was better off without him."
He could feel Charasuke's shocked gaze on him. Something just sat wrong with him at the thought that Charasuke believed their story to be anything but a long string of messed-up decisions that miraculously ended with both of them alive.
"Somewhere along the way I fucked up and Naruto started caring about me. Even though I didn't want it, he became my closest friend. I tried a hundred times to make him stop caring about me, and he kept fighting me about it."
Meeting Charasuke's eyes he leaned closer, making sure he could see the pain he felt written all over his face.
"And I lost."
They stared at each other. There was something vulnerable in Charasuke's eyes that made him unable to look away. How could he possibly explain what he felt for Naruto? That he'd been willing to stay alive for him, and only him? That now, swept up in the comfort of this world, he had gone so far as to imagine a future?
"I don't want to go back," he said, voice faltering as pain welled up his throat. "Going back means giving him up. Giving him away."
He didn't know what made him confess it out loud, when he didn't even want to confess it to himself. But Naruto knew, didn't he? He'd always seen right through him, even when he didn't fully understand the reasons why. Yesterday, Sasuke had let it all bleed out of him, had shown Naruto the absolute chaos inside his mind. He was as lost as Charasuke looked. Without Naruto he had no anchor.
He wished Naruto had stayed. He wished Naruto wasn't torn between him and Konoha, but he wouldn't be Naruto if he wasn't. Sasuke didn't know if he hated him or loved him for his stupid heroic tendencies.
If Naruto for some unfathomable reason needed to be near him, then he couldn't stand to be apart.
"It hurts," Charasuke whispered, and Sasuke didn't know when he'd closed his eyes but he felt Charasuke's hand on his cheek, the touch hesitant. "I don't know what I feel for Menma, but it really, really hurts."
"…yeah."
He couldn't think of anything to say. Words wouldn't make it better, either way. When Charasuke lifted his arm and settled underneath it, face buried between Sasuke's shoulder and neck, all he did was sink a bit lower to make it more comfortable.
Charasuke didn't cry.
But they didn't really sleep, either.
To avoid the panic attack:
- stop reading at 'Gone, just like that.'
- you can start reading again at 'He felt Sasuke's arms wrap around him, a steel cage to hold the world at bay.'
Charasuke is the one suffering from it, but you won't miss any necessary plot if you skip it completely.
Whew, what a chapter. It was intense to write it! I'm sure some of you are unhappy that I separated them, but it's necessary for the plot... you'll understand why later I hope. I put in some definitely self-indulgent stuff in this chapter, too :3 I promise the story won't just be angsty now, but as we're gearing up for the finale, we need to deal with a lot of things heh. And even though I call it the finale, will it really end there I wonder... There's a looot of stuff left to address I think. And quite a few chapters left too!
I'm also slowly working on copying over some of my -fics to ao3. I've got a bit more free time now that I'm working from home, times being what they are and all that. Not sure what to say on that, or if anyone is even interested. Kinda weird to live in a country that's not on lock-down or in forced quarantine (yet?) when so many other places are. Sweden is an outlier I guess. We're doing alright though, so we'll see how it goes. I just hope you're all staying safe and taking care!