The amount of pollen allergy and writer's block and work stress I've had to battle before finally finishing this chapter...

Usually I want to make sure I've answered all the previous chapter's reviews before posting a new one, but I thought you'd prefer the new chapter first. I'll hopefully catch up once life calms down a bit... You can be sure that I've read all comments carefully and appreciate you all beyond words!

I did write a few other Naruto things since I posted the last chapter, you can find them all on my ao3 account as I don't post new things here.

Can't belive we're so close to the end now. I changed the chapter amount to 60, not because I know for sure how many chapters are left, but because that seems like a reasonable amount to wrap things up. We shall see.

I had grand plans to post this on my 30th birthday, but plans never work when it comes to writing. As always, big hugs to all of you for sticking with this fic! I can hardly believe we've almost reached 5,000 kudos - I can't think about it too much or I'll get performance anxiety lol.

The scene with Sasuke and Charasuke is a bit sad, but I don't think there's anything that needs a warning (except that there's a cliffhanger at the end of the chapter...).

Oh, and for the first time in my life I'm part of a fanzine, though it's for Star Trek. I'm really hyped! If you're interested, you can find a link pinned to my tumblr.

Let's not waste more time - I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Chapter 50: Put my heart back together

xxx

Sakura found him in Sasuke's apartment. She'd looked pretty much everywhere – Naruto's own apartment, the Hokage tower, the training fields, Ichiraku's… Inari had bumped into her just as she left Ichiraku's, complaining that he hadn't seen Naruto at all, and mentioning off-handedly that usually if he wasn't at his own place he'd be at Sasuke's.

And well, there he was. Sleeves rolled up, a couple of boxes strewn around behind him, half filled with Sasuke's things.

"What are you doing?" she asked, even as Inari easily made his way inside.

"You don't have to sound so accusing," Naruto muttered, holding the door open wider for her to pass through. "I'm just packing up Sasuke's stuff."

"What's this?" Inari asked, poking his nose into a box.

Sakura ignored him, raising an eyebrow at Naruto instead. He raised one right back at her, as if daring her to comment.

Inari came bounding back, grin wide as he stopped beside Naruto.

"Welcome back!" he said, hands clasped behind his neck and bright grin on his face. "Can I help? And you have to tell me everything that happened!"

They shared an awkward look, and then Naruto cleared his throat.

"Sure," he said, waving at the boxes. "Just don't open anything, and don't touch the weird glass jars. We're totally leaving those behind."

Eyes narrowing, Inari seemed to contemplate the possible repercussions of, indeed, touching the glass jars.

"What's in them?" he settled for asking, doing a bad job of hiding his curiosity.

"I don't know, and I don't want to know," Naruto shuddered, finally closing the door. "Karin gave them to him, so it could be anything."

Sakura wasn't sure what to say. Clearly, Naruto was planning on moving Sasuke's things. There didn't seem to be much, judging by the bare walls and mostly empty, open built-in closet. It was small, a kitchen to one side, and a couch tucked into the opposite corner. There was a table, two chairs, and doors leading to the bathroom and bedroom. She wondered if it was always this bare, or if Naruto had managed to pack all decorations already.

"You guys can finish in here, I'll take the bedroom," Naruto said, but she wasn't going to let him escape that easily.

"Why?" she asked, following him into the bedroom. "He's coming back, isn't he?"

"And when he does," Naruto said, giving her a meaningful look, "I'm not letting him live here."

She blinked.

"You're… moving his things to your apartment," she said, twisting her fingers. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Don't care," Naruto dismissed her with. "I'm doing it."

He turned to her, hands on his hips.

"Are you going to argue, or help?"

The door creaked open, Inari peeking inside.

"It's boring to work on my own," he said with a shrug, slinking into the room. "Are the glass jars in here?"

He seemed oblivious to the tension, gaze instantly falling on the one shelf opposite the window. There were several glass jars lined up, contents questionably unidentifiable, as well as an odd-looking plant. Next to the plant sat an ugly, wood-carved toad, which could only have been a gift from Naruto. She had a vague memory seeing it in his small travel collection.

"That's a weird toad," Inari commented, stretching up to touch it.

Naruto stopped him, fingers wrapped around his wrist.

"You know, you've got worse manners than me," he said, sighing when Inari rolled his eyes. "What are you two doing here, anyway?"

"Looking for you, obviously!"

Sakura shrugged, but didn't offer anything else. She'd just wanted to check up on him, really. It was probably good that she did, if this was what he was doing.

She didn't want to argue though, not in front of Inari at least.

"Well, you found me," Naruto said, but he tacked on a smile to hide the irritation in his voice. "Come on, let's get to work."

They spent an hour or so filling the boxes with Sasuke's few belongings, Naruto lost in thought as he folded clothes and stripped the bed of its sheets. Inari tried to pry information out of him at first, eventually realizing that Naruto wasn't in the mood. She wondered if she should just leave, but something held her back from asking. Everything she said seemed to come out wrong. There was something different about him, too, compared to the past few days.

The boxes ended up in a pile by the kitchen table, the apartment strangely empty now despite how few decorations there had been when she arrived. Inari sat in a chair, feet tapping on the floor. They both watched as Naruto spun slowly, as if searching for anything left behind. There might be seals hiding things, she thought, wondering if Naruto would attempt unsealing them while they were present.

"I think that's all," he said, dusting his hands off on his pants. "I'll just teleport them over, so you don't need to stick around and wait."

It was as clear a dismissal as any, but Inari's mouth was pinched stubbornly, arms crossed over his chest.

"I thought we could go to Ichiraku's," he said. "To catch up."

She held her breath, waiting for Naruto's reply. He wasn't looking at either of them, gaze trained on the boxes. She wondered where he'd gotten them – most of them were mismatched, and frayed at the edges.

"I have some thinking to do," Naruto said. Briefly, his eyes flickered up to meet hers, then Inari's. "I'm sorry. We'll catch up later, okay?"

"Naruto-"

He held up a hand, slowly lowering it again. There was something determined etched onto his face, replacing the lost look he'd worn the past days. It gave her equal amounts hope and worry, chest squeezing uncomfortably. He must have come to some sort of decision, despite claiming he needed to think.

"I'll see you later, yeah?"

Inari huffed, but got up and pushed the chair into its place under the table. His hands clenched around the back of it for a moment, eyes downcast.

"Are you going to pack up your apartment, too?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"What?" Naruto sounded surprised, blinking at him. "No, no I'm not. I'm just moving Sasuke's things over to my place. I just… Well, I don't want to live alone anymore."

Raising his head again, Inari mulled this over for a moment. Then he sighed in relief, shoulders slumping.

"Okay, good. But you can always come have dinner with us if you're lonely, mom always makes too much anyway."

It had a real smile form on Naruto's face, softening him a bit.

"Thanks," he said, Inari giving him a decisive nod before heading for the door, giving them a half-wave over a shoulder.

They waited for him to leave, the tension rising again as Naruto ran a hand through his hair, grimacing as if expecting her to disagree. Did she disagree? Maybe. She still worried, convinced he wasn't properly thinking about the consequences. There was something about the stubborn tilt to his mouth that made her think this was just the start.

"What are you planning?" she asked, picking at the hem of her skirt. "Inari might tell people, you know."

He weighed on his heels, which wasn't that much of an answer. There was that faraway look in his eyes again, his thoughts somewhere else.

"I'm not the one who's got a problem with people finding out," he said, confirming some of her fears.

"Naruto-"

"Look," he interrupted her, leaning a hip against the kitchen counter. He didn't look angry like last time, just tired. "It's my decision, isn't it? Mine and Sasuke's."

She couldn't argue with that. She wanted to, but she bit the inside of a cheek, holding back.

"Is that what you need to think about?"

He stared at her for a second, the blue of his eyes piercing through her. He might not have the sharingan, but there were moments when his gaze was just as intense as Sasuke's had been those few times it landed on her while they chased after him. She forced down a shiver, heartbeat picking up speed. She wasn't sure what it was, but there seemed to be edges to Naruto that hadn't been there before. Or, they'd been there, but not directed towards her. She worried he'd make rash decisions, and believe he could power through without thinking it over first.

"I guess." It sounded like half a truth. "I was planning on ignoring my paperwork today, at least."

"Ino suggested having dinner together," Sakura said, changing subjects. She'd have to tread carefully, maybe ask Tsunade to talk to him. "Most of us are in the village, for once."

"…alright." He paused, scratching at something on the countertop. "That sounds good."

She wanted so badly to know what he was thinking, narrowing her eyes when an innocent smile, rivaling Sai's in how fake it was, stretched over his face.

"Come pick me up, yeah?" The smile turned a little more impish. "Like a date."

Despite herself she laughed, rolling her eyes.

"You wish," she shot back, relieved that he seemed less strained, less broken-hearted. "I have no idea what Sasuke sees in you."

And there, finally, a true smile. Lighting up his eyes, tugging at the corners of his lips. Warm like the sun, and for just a second she wondered if, in a different world, the two of them could have been something. But he didn't smile like that for her – it was for Sasuke, always. As much as she'd lived on the hope that maybe one day she and Sasuke would find each other, she had to acknowledge that she'd never be able to compete with what the two of them shared. Naruto was right, she had her own path to walk, instead of resigning herself to forever chasing them.

It hurt, but it also made her feel lighter. Talking to Ino last night had helped, to put things in perspective. She'd still worry though, didn't think she could ever stop.

"But Naruto… Please, be careful at least?"

"Don't worry so much," he said, shooing at her. "I'll be fine."

Will you, really? she thought, closing the distance between them before she could change her mind.

Naruto accepted the hug with some surprise, hesitating before placing his arms around her waist, so gentle she could barely feel it. She pushed her face into his shoulder for a minute, willing him to understand what she meant without having to say it out loud.

"It's okay, Sakura-chan," he told her, and for the first time, she thought it was a little unfair, that they always relied on him to fix everything for them. Who would fix things for Naruto? She hadn't been the best of friends to him, always so caught up in herself, or Sasuke. Naruto had just always been there, ready to take on the world, asking for nothing in return. "It's okay."

For just one more selfish moment, she allowed herself to believe him.

xxx

The clearing was empty. Charasuke dragged his feet, kicking at a tuft of grass. He watched as Sasuke rolled his shoulders, then neck; he seemed perfectly relaxed. It must have been nice, to see Naruto again.

Calling it nice was probably an understatement. He sighed, rubbing at his cheek tiredly, wishing he could just lie down and get some sleep. There hadn't been much of it, and what little he'd gotten seemed to just make him more tired. He eyed the half-abandoned training field, wondering when someone was here last, before Naruto and Sasuke arrived. Why here, he thought, gnawing on his lower lip. There was nothing special with the place, just wildly growing grass that now lay trampled on the ground.

"You should warm up," Sasuke broke the silence with, turning to look at him expectantly. "It'll be easier."

"If you say so."

He hadn't mentioned last night to Sasuke yet. It felt like something he wanted to keep to himself for a while, letting Kaguya's words bounce around inside his head without any outside influence. Maybe if he didn't acknowledge it, it wouldn't be real.

Going through the motions, they fell into another comfortable silence. Like Menma, Sasuke didn't seem to like wasting time on talking when there was training to be done. His body felt stiff, out of use after several days of as little movement as possible. Most of the bruises had healed, but the bruises on his soul lingered. It felt kind of like his insides had been mangled, and rather than poking at them physically, all he had to do was think about what was going on, and the pain made itself known.

The warm-up was a welcome distraction. He wished he could clear his mind properly, but what little discipline he usually had while exercising, it was all gone now. His mind was a dull pounding. Like a wet wool blanket had been shoved in there, and the space was too small. He felt detached from reality, everything out of focus except for Sasuke.

He copied his movements. Sasuke noticed and slowed down, focusing on stretches and agility for his benefit. He probably knew what worked best for them, same body and all.

"Something's on your mind," Sasuke said as he straightened up, silently announcing they were done.

"Has anyone ever told you you're really blunt?"

Charasuke sat down on the ground, massaging his ankles. Most of the stiffness in his body had disappeared, but he still felt exhausted.

"You haven't looked me in the eye all morning. This isn't the time to be keeping secrets."

"Oh, yeah. Of course. I forgot the part where you told me all about Kaguya's visit last night."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at him, seemingly weighing between options before sitting down cross-legged in front of him. He ran a hand through his hair, distracted, staring off into the distance.

"How much did you hear? I didn't notice you."

"I don't know. Kaguya was talking to you after you arrived, and then you sort of faded away. Something about your heart being open."

Grimacing, Sasuke huffed out a sigh.

"Saves me the effort of telling you what she said. Did she say anything to you?"

He stared down at his feet, curling his fingers into fists.

"Yes."

He could feel Sasuke's gaze on him, expectant. The words caught in his throat, his tongue feeling thick in his mouth.

"Nothing that made sense, though," he managed to force out, pulling his legs up to his chest and hugging them tight.

He could tell that Sasuke was waiting for more, an explanation of some sort. But what was there to explain? He could still feel the lingering sensation of her touch, like a faint breeze on his forehead. Had she marked him? Or was it just symbolic, somehow? He resisted the urge to reach up and touch the spot, keeping his hands firmly clasped over his legs.

"Maybe if you tell me what she said, we could-"

Sasuke paused, raising his face towards the edge of the clearing, in the direction of the village. When Charasuke turned around he first saw nothing, but a minute later Kushina emerged between trees. Her face was solemn, her hair pulled back tight in a ponytail. He felt his throat tighten, hoping it wasn't bad news.

They both stood as she neared them, tense with anticipation. He didn't want to talk to Menma's mother, it would have been awkward enough without Menma breaking up with him and then disappearing. It seemed inevitable, though, as she kept her eyes trained on him and not his counterpart, steady steps bringing her closer. She was clutching something white in one hand, the other tightened into a fist.

"Sasuke," she said, and her voice was hoarse, as if she'd been crying.

He tried to force out a greeting in turn, but nothing came out. Sasuke didn't say anything, either, merely watching them warily as she came to a stop in front of him.

"I… found this in Menma's room." She held out her hand, a wrinkled piece of paper, folded several times, between two fingers. "I didn't know…"

She swallowed, and he couldn't meet her gaze. Instead he stared at the paper, dreading its contents. When she stretched her arm out further towards him, close enough that he couldn't ignore it, he slowly reached out and took it from her. It felt like any piece of paper whatsoever, and yet it seemed to burn him.

"I'm starting to wonder if I knew him at all," she continued, letting out a wet laugh. "There were so many of these in his trash can, but this one was readable. All of them were for you."

All air seemed to leave his lungs, his hands shaking as he unfolded the paper. Sasuke, he read, and his vision started blurring at the edges.

Sasuke

I shouldn't write this

It won't help

It WON'T

I can't ignore you, I can't forget you, I can't do anything right

But you should forget me

FORGET

Do me this one favor

Please

He was vaguely aware of Sasuke by his side, reading over his shoulder. It looked like it had been written in a hurry, pen pressed hard against the paper, Menma's chicken scrawl worse than usual.

Numbness seized him, washing through his body and turning it leaden. If Sasuke hadn't gripped his arm, supporting him against his side, he might have sunk down on his knees.

How, was the only thing ringing through his brain. How could he possibly forget?

They weren't perfect together. Maybe they weren't even good, but it still meant something.

If Menma didn't make it back-

He buried his face in Sasuke's neck, crushing the letter in his fist. The tears refused to fall, even as they burned hotly behind his eyelids. It was too much. He'd hoped that Menma cared. That there was something between them, despite the odds. That they'd work it out, at some point.

Bitterly, he thought that he was too late. He'd messed it up from the start, hadn't he? He wasn't someone Menma could rely on, even if sometimes, sometimes, he'd felt as if he could.

"Breathe," Sasuke said in his ear, and only then did he notice Sasuke's hand rubbing his back.

It was so, so difficult, but eventually he calmed down enough that his breaths were no longer coming out in hiccups. What was he going to say to Kushina? Slowly, he turned half around, hand tucked into his sleeve to dry his nose.

She'd left.

Sasuke must have noticed his confusion, because he heaved a sigh and gently led him over to an overturned log, sitting him down.

"I asked her to leave," he said, and Charasuke was grateful that he didn't mention how he pressed into his side for support.

"Oh."

They fell into another silence, much more tense than before Menma's mother arrived. His limbs felt like they were itching, like if he clawed deep enough the pain would go away. He shuddered at the thought.

"She doesn't like that I'm friends with Menma." Charasuke surprised himself with the words spilling from his lips, and he had to clear his throat to continue. "I've barely talked to her… I know Menma never told anyone, but apparently my parents knew. I'm not very subtle I guess."

He wiped at his eyes, tears threatening to fall now that he'd calmed down. It was so strange, to think of Menma in his room writing such terribly sad things, and Kushina never even suspected how he felt.

"They knew," he added, voice turning hoarse, "and only allowed me to see him so much because they thought I'd be able to tell them if he was hiding anything. But I-"

He paused, struggling to draw in another breath. Sasuke put his arm around him again, letting him take his time.

"I was just curious at first," he confessed, throat clogging up with shame. "He was off limits… It's hard for him to control his chakra sometimes, especially during, you know. But I could tell that he was attracted to me, so."

He shrugged, letting out a self-deprecating laugh.

"It was stupid." He thought of that first kiss, the way Menma's fiercely red chakra had lapped at his skin, the warmth he'd felt. "And now they're hoping I'll get along with Gaara since I'm apparently compatible with the jinchuuriki or something."

Sasuke hummed in thought, frowning as Charasuke glanced at him. When he noticed, he rolled his eyes.

"I don't think I have to say out loud that the chakra doesn't feel so bad, do I?"

"No," Charasuke agreed, braving a small smile. "But I never got the chance to really tell him that."

He smoothed out the wrinkled paper, staring down at the words. Had Menma meant to give this to him? Had he written these notes before the mission, knowing he wouldn't come back?

"I don't get it," he whispered, thumbing over the word forget, tracing the line under it. "Why did he break up with me if he still… He was such an asshole to me."

"It's not your fault," Sasuke told him, and from anyone else, Charasuke would have interpreted it as empty words.

"But I believed him," he argued, biting his lips. "I really thought he'd grown tired of me."

Sasuke was quiet for a moment, then gently pried the piece of paper from his hands. He read the words over, mouthing them silently.

"What if you were better off without him," he said, voice low. "What if there was so much darkness inside him, and he didn't want to drown your light in it."

Charasuke's chest squeezed painfully, eyes wide as he stared at the solemn look on Sasuke's face. He seemed lost in memories, staring unseeingly in front of himself. It dawned on him, then, that perhaps Sasuke wasn't so different from Menma.

"Is that what it was like between you and Naruto?"

For a long moment, Sasuke looked like he wasn't going to answer. Then he sighed, giving him the note back.

"In a way. I tried so hard to forget him and couldn't, and instead I hoped he would be the one to forget me instead."

"But he didn't."

Blowing air out of his nose in what could be amusement, Sasuke straightened up and ran a hand through his hair.

"You know, we'll get him back for you. Naruto never backs down on a promise."

Glancing over the writing again, Charasuke swallowed the lump in his throat. He didn't like it, always having to be the one who stayed behind. The one who wasn't strong enough.

"Did Naruto save you?" he asked, eyes caught on his name. It had been written much more carefully, easy to read compared to the rest. "Did your darkness disappear?"

He could feel Sasuke's eyes boring into the side of his face, and when he raised his own, he found an indecipherable look in them.

"He didn't save me," he said. "He made sure I knew I always had a choice."

"…a choice, huh?"

Your heart must make the right choice.

But Kaguya's words must have been meant for him, not Menma.

"I don't think it will be that simple," he mumbled, carefully folding the note, running his fingers along the edge. "I don't think he and I are like you."

When Sasuke spoke next, his words were hesitant.

"Naruto once told me, that our positions could have so easily been reversed. That he could have been the one leaving, and I'd be chasing him. And you're right, I don't think you're like him and me, but I don't think you're opposites either."

He paused, reaching out to grab Charasuke's hand, squeezing it gently.

"Sasuke," he said, and Charasuke's eyes widened at the use of his name. "There's still one thing we share, that I bet we share in any possible dimension."

The serious look on his face was replaced with a wry smile, and he lifted his gaze towards the sky instead, tracing the clouds.

"What?" Charasuke asked, holding his breath.

"When it comes to a certain idiot… We're just bound to make bad decisions, aren't we?"

Oh, he couldn't help but think. He was absolutely right.

Somehow, the thought was comforting.

xxx

Naruto and Sakura were the last to arrive. Apparently they had settled on Shikamaru's house, as he still lived in his family home and had enough space to fit them all in. As they removed their sandals and grabbed guest slippers, Naruto was still undecided. He knew what he wanted now, although he must have always wanted it. He just hadn't known how to put it in words.

I don't want to choose. But if I have to…

Waking up with the lingering sensation of Sasuke's touch had erased the worst of his anxiety. The bed had felt less empty, when Sasuke didn't seem so far away.

He still was, but he was safe, for now at least.

Everyone was gathered in the dining room, lounging around a low, traditional table. Lee was excitedly reciting a story to Tenten and Chouji, anything breakable moved out of reach. The others were drinking or talking quietly, only Shikamaru and Ino absent. Temari was back in Suna at the moment, something he was thankful for. He hadn't really considered what Gaara would think of his plan, other than to recognize that he wanted his support.

Calling it a plan was maybe too much. He'd spent most of the day thinking about what he wanted to do, coming to a realization that he still struggled with. It meant he had to make a choice, here and now, although it didn't mean he was going to give up.

His dreams hadn't necessarily changed.

Are you sure, Kurama said, as if he didn't know exactly what Naruto had been thinking of. Or are you still just telling yourself that.

Sometimes, Kurama was like having a very loud and obnoxious guilty conscience.

It's not my dreams that changed, he insisted, leaning by a window and staring into the trees outside. Just the…

Execution of them?

He hugged himself, ignoring Lee calling his name. As much thinking as he'd done, he didn't feel entirely sure. Even though Sasuke had said he'd stand by his side, something had gnawed at him when he woke up. Was that really the way he wanted to do things? To fight for his right to exist as he was, to constantly have to explain and justify Sasuke's presence. Sakura had told him to be careful, but when had he ever been?

It's too bad you don't want revenge on Konoha, Kurama mused. I'm sure Sasuke would happily agree with me that forgiveness only goes so far.

This isn't about that.

He could hear Kurama huff, but it really wasn't. It wasn't about what the village had done to them in the past. It was about now, wasn't it? What did he want right now, and what could he do right now to get it?

What kind of village did he want to live in, and how much of himself was he willing to sacrifice to create change.

I'm tired, he told Kurama. He glanced at his friends, knowing they had shared so much, and yet, there seemed to be things he couldn't share and expect them to understand. I think I've always been on my guard… Worrying when they'll decide I'm not good enough anymore.

It was so, so difficult to admit it to himself. These were his friends, his important people, people he was prepared to lay down his life to protect. But none of them had truly understood his bond with Sasuke, or his refusal to give up on him. Even Sakura had changed her mind, had let go of the belief that Sasuke could come back to them, that he was worth saving. And even though Naruto hadn't known how and why exactly Sasuke had been manipulated by other people, he'd always known that in his heart, he wanted peace.

That's all I want, he thought. Some peace and quiet.

You sound like an old man.

The comment had a smile tug at his lips, his tense shoulders relaxing minutely. There was no peace and quiet to be had in a village like Konoha. The world was too unsteady, too distrustful. It wasn't as simple as right and wrong, peace or war.

It was a selfish thought, to consider leaving it all behind. To let it be someone else's problem. To look his friends in the eye, and tell them he couldn't be their savior.

A betrayal, of sorts.

If you're done being dramatic, Kurama sighed, I doubt there's anything you could do to never be welcomed back. In fact, they should grovel on their hands and knees and do anything you want to make you stay.

And we both know they won't.

He shook his head, fingers twisting in the fabric of his jumpsuit jacket. It would be easier if they would simply drive him away. If he could reveal his relationship with Sasuke, and they'd throw him out. But the more he thought of it, the more he realized that they were already trying to keep him away from Sasuke. That they must have suspected already. Maybe not that he was in love with him, but they definitely knew how much Sasuke meant to him. And now that he was back he just had this feeling that people were more concerned with Sasuke coming back than not coming back.

How was he supposed to keep Sasuke and his dream of being hokage at the same time?

He already knew the answer, but he had to face the consequences now.

"You think I'd choose happiness over you?"

Sasuke's words had been difficult to accept, too. Not because he didn't want Sasuke to choose him no matter what. But if Sasuke did choose him no matter what, chose him over happiness, over his own wants and needs…

He knew he couldn't make choices that made Sasuke unhappy. He'd never forgive himself. If they both claimed to choose each other over everything, then Naruto couldn't both choose him and choose to become hokage in a village that had hurt Sasuke so much, and only awarded him with even more pain and distrust.

And if Konoha could never trust Uchiha Sasuke, then they could never truly trust Uzumaki Naruto either, could they?

See? That wasn't so hard.

Naruto muttered a curse under his breath, frowning at the wind blowing gently in the trees. The forest was no longer as thick around the Nara grounds, so much of it destroyed. What's to say new enemies wouldn't arrive? What kind of fate would he leave behind, if he left every important person and followed Sasuke somewhere else?

He turned, and startled at the sight of everyone sitting down and staring at him. Sakura opened her mouth, then closed it again.

"What?" he asked, sounding harsher than he'd meant to.

"Come on, sit down," Kiba said, shaking his head at him. "You've got us all tense with your brooding and stuff."

"Oh." He stayed where he was. "I've got a lot to think about. Sorry."

"You can share with us, Naruto!" It was Lee, grin splitting his face in half as he slapped Chouji on the back, making him cough. "No problem is too small to share with friends!"

They looked at him expectantly, Ino and Shikamaru arriving from the kitchen with questioning expressions.

"Food's almost done," Ino said, pausing with a hand on her hip. "What's going on here?"

"Nothing," Sakura hurried to say, glaring at Lee. "Do you need any-"

"Hey," Naruto interrupted her with. The silence fell thick between them, Sakura biting her lip. His heart pounded in his chest, but it was better to get it over with. "There's no good way to say this, so I'm just gonna say it."

"Naruto-"

He silenced Sakura again with a look, pushing his hands down his pockets. Drawing in a deep breath, he tried to think of what to say, his head completely blank. There was too much to put it into words, much less a single sentence. But he had to say something, even if his throat tightened painfully, even if the outcome might be everything he feared.

He wished Sasuke was there. He'd know what to say, and how to say it bluntly without a care for anybody's reaction.

"I…" They were all staring, but only Sakura seemed to expect the worst. And so, he looked her in the eye, steeling himself for her reaction. "I don't think I want to be hokage anymore."

There was silence for a moment, and then several confused noises.

"What are you talking about, Naruto?" Tenten asked, even as Sakura's face went through all stages of shock.

"You can't be serious," she breathed out, eyes wide.

"I'm serious."

"But why?" It was Kiba, who frowned when Naruto turned towards him. "Why now, out of the blue? We all thought you were basically hokage already!"

Lee stood abruptly, clenching his fist, his face stricken.

"Naruto! I'll support you no matter what! But this will be difficult to accept."

There were hums of agreement, murmured questions, and Naruto stayed silent and stiff until Shikamaru cleared his throat with finality.

"Certainly an announcement," he said, voice dry as he scratched at his cheek. "I suggest we leave the topic for now and eat first."

"But-"

Kiba was silenced by someone kicking him under the table, and Naruto let out a slow breath. He'd said it, at least, but he knew they'd try to convince him to change his mind. Why else would Shikamaru tell them to drop it for now? The churning feeling in his stomach didn't disappear by putting off the inevitable.

"I won't become the hokage," he couldn't help but add, Sakura making a sound like a mix between a hiccup and a sob. "It's not really… I don't want to have a discussion about it. Maybe in some years, maybe never. But I've thought about it, and…"

He trailed off, unsure of whether or not he should mention Sasuke's name. It was implied, wasn't it? Why else would he change his mind on this?

He could tell by the way they looked at him, that there were at least some of them who suspected as much. Opening his mouth, he felt his breath hitch. He couldn't tell them. Not like this. It was too much all at once, the way they stared, like they didn't recognize him.

Swallowing down the words, he headed for the hallway, hoping no one would follow but sure they would. He stepped out of the guest slippers, leaving them in a messy pile, grabbing his shoes and putting them on along the way as he hurried outside.

He paused by a large tree, breathing in deep. There were too many thoughts spinning through his head, second-guessing his decision. He'd known the others wouldn't be happy, but seeing the reaction on their faces was still difficult.

It's your life, kid, Kurama reminded him. This village doesn't own you.

Steps followed behind him, and he spun back to find Shikamaru heading his way. He'd expected Sakura, but he supposed it made sense. Shikamaru was the one out of the old teams that he worked closest with, and his opinion would surely be the most accurate and least emotional.

"So," Shikamaru said as he came up next to him, slouching slightly and fiddling with a lighter. "You've made up your mind."

Naruto nodded, pushing both hands through his hair, leaving his hands to grip at his neck.

"Yeah."

"What are you going to do instead?"

The question surprised him. He hadn't necessarily thought that far.

"I… I might go travelling."

"Was it Sasuke's idea?"

Letting out an explosive breath, Naruto leaned back against the tree trunk. He doubted Shikamaru asked out of innocent curiosity.

"Sasuke has no idea about this," he said, gnawing on his lower lip. "Last I talked to him, he was fully prepared to stay in the village and support me as the hokage."

"Then why the change of heart?"

This, he knew at least.

"Because Sasuke told me he'll put my dreams before his own happiness, and I realized my dreams don't mean much if he's not happy."

Shikamaru looked at him for a long moment, most likely running all those brain cells ragged trying to understand his reasoning. It was pretty simple, though.

"You're more than friends," he concluded, and Naruto couldn't help but blush, ducking his head.

"Well," he started, clearing his throat. "I guess that's a bit of an understatement."

"I can't say I understand, but it's your decision. I just hope you've considered the consequences."

Naruto raised his head again, narrowing his eyes.

"You're less surprised than I thought you'd be," he said. "And yeah, I know everyone will get mad at me."

Sighing, Shikamaru shook his head.

"More than that, it has the potential to become a disaster. You haven't heard everything people have said and speculated on while you were gone. Not to mention how it might upset the balance we've managed to create between the ninja villages."

"Well, I'm still going to do it, so-"

Shikamaru held up a hand, pausing the start of his angry tirade.

"I just meant we need to do this sensibly. Figure out a plan. Please tell me you weren't planning on showing up at a council meeting, tell everyone to fuck off, and then grab Sasuke and leave?"

"Wha- Well, I, no…?"

That sounds fun though, Kurama snickered, and honestly, Naruto should listen more to Shikamaru and less to him, probably.

"We'll break it to them slowly," Shikamaru continued. "I believe I might even be able to convince them it was their own idea. Kami knows they want Sasuke out of the village."

"You really think you can figure something out so we won't be hunted down by ANBU?"

His face must have had a ridiculously hopeful expression, because Shikamaru rolled his eyes at him.

"I'd hunt you down myself if I thought I needed to. Let's make sure it doesn't come to that."

"Thanks, Shikamaru." He felt so grateful it was almost embarrassing. He'd gotten so caught up on everyone's reactions, that he'd forgotten Shikamaru wasn't the type to be ruled by his emotions. "It means a lot, you know?"

"You saved our lives," Shikamaru shrugged, taking a few steps back towards the house, before looking back at him over a shoulder. "Besides, I'd like to see the look on Kakashi's face if he has to become hokage because you bailed on us."

Naruto let out a laugh, smile lingering even as Shikamaru left him. His idea sounded a lot better than sneaking out at night, hoping no one noticed until they were far enough away. The biggest flaw in his plan had been people's attitudes towards Sasuke worsening. He wanted to be able to return one day, if they wanted to. Maybe when things weren't still so fresh, it would be easier.

Even so, he couldn't bring himself to go back inside.

xxx

Menma was awake when Naruto peeked through the door to his hospital room. He didn't look too happy about it, but his eyes were open, staring up at the ceiling.

"Another clone, or the real thing?" Menma asked as he came over, the door softly falling closed behind him.

Naruto had made sure to keep clones nearby at all times, just in case.

"The real thing," he replied, pausing by the foot end of the bed. "I wanted to ask you something."

Menma glanced at him, then went back to staring at the ceiling, barely blinking. He didn't object at least, so Naruto took it as permission to go ahead.

"Why did you break up with Charasuke?"

There was a twitch to the corner of Menma's mouth, as if he found the question humorous.

"Why do you think?"

Naruto watched him for a moment, the way his breathing quickened, hands clenching under the thin blanket. He didn't know Charasuke's version of the story, but he had a feeling Menma had lied anyway.

"He was pretty hurt, I think."

"He'll get over it."

"What if he doesn't?"

Menma met his eyes, a flat look in them.

"Then I'll be dead anyway, so what's the difference?"

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Naruto went to sit down beside Menma. He'd reach out and take his hand if he thought it would be welcomed. His anger had disappeared, frustration giving way to calm resolve. Menma may act like an asshole, but he was sure by now that it was just a front to cover up the pain.

"You might not die," he said. "That's the difference."

"Stop talking about saving the world," Menma sighed, his face tired and drawn. "Even if I come out of this alive, he's better off without me."

"So you'll just give up."

"I'm not like you. I'm not you." Menma passed a hand over his face, pressing fingertips into skin. "It's for the best, so just let it go and leave me alone."

"But why," Naruto insisted, stubborn. "You keep saying it's for the best, it doesn't matter… Doesn't it matter how he feels about it?"

Menma stilled, hand still partly covering his face.

"You don't get it," he said. "He only got together with me as a joke. We're just sleeping with each other."

"I'm pretty sure he likes you."

"He'll find someone else."

"Do you really want him to?"

Naruto wasn't sure why he was pushing so hard. It just didn't sit right with him, that Menma refused to believe Charasuke cared about him. Maybe at first Naruto had thought the two of them didn't seem so close, not like he and Sasuke at least.

Why is he so stubborn? he complained to Kurama, scowling at his counterpart. Anyone can see they care about each other.

He didn't expect Kurama to laugh until Naruto's body almost shook with it.

"Just drop it, for fuck's sake," Menma groaned, sinking lower into the bed. "I'm not going to take relationship advice from someone like you."

"I'll drop it on one condition."

Once he was sure he had Menma's attention, he stared hard at him.

"If you survive this, you have to tell him how you really feel."

"I won't," Menma said, his tone of voice turning heated.

"You will."

"Fine." Menma was glaring at him, gritting his teeth. "If it means you'll stop bothering me."

It didn't feel like a victory, but Naruto nodded. He wasn't sure what else to say. He felt less unsettled, like he had a plan, or at least wasn't just floundering in the dark. Now he just wanted to get this over with so he could have Sasuke back.

"I'll make sure you survive just to prove you wrong," he said, standing up and forcing a reassuring smile onto his face.

When he turned to leave, something caught his eye. It looked like the air wavered, reflecting lamplight. He squinted at it, tilting his head.

Slowly, a ripple in space and time took shape.

"Menma, look," he said, breathless.

"I thought you were finally leaving."

He took a step backwards, reaching for Menma. He found his arm, squeezing it.

Well then, Kurama growled, his chakra shifting restlessly inside him.

The portal hovered mid-air, barely large enough for a person to slip through. This must have been what Kaguya meant.

"Oh." Menma didn't move, didn't sound surprised. "You should have left earlier."

He didn't dare take his eyes off it to glare at him. Instead he gripped him tighter, swallowing harshly.

"Don't think for a second I'll let you go through it alone."

The bedsheets rustled as Menma eased out of the bed, coming to stand beside him.

"Do what you want," he said, one final act of feigned indifference, and then his expression turned blank.

The showdown is almost here!

This chapter was extremely difficult to write, because I had very high expectations on myself heh. The scene where Naruto tells the others he doesn't want to be hokage anymore is something I've planned for so many years, and although I know it made you sad to see them separated, I'll dare say now that I thought of this scene first and then decided that in order to write it I had to separate them, and so that specific scene is the whole reason I came up with that part of the plot heh. And because I made it up to be so important in my head it was just terribly difficult to write it. In the end, i decided to not make it so complicated. Something I did think a lot about though was whether or not I wanted to have Naruto come out to all his friends and reveal his relationship with Sasuke. That was kind of my original intention, but once I started writing, I realized this wasn't the moment for it. I'm honestly not a fan of coming-out stories as some kind of catharsis and solution, because coming out is not a onetime thing. And I didn't want the focus to be on that, but rather on the whole hokage-thing, because I disagree with canon on many things and this is one of them. Cannot believe Sasuke went off travelling to "atone" and Naruto didn't go with him. Broke my heart more than the out-of-the-blue married with kids epilogue lol.

Ramblings aside, I can't make any promises on how quickly I can write the next chapter, since I don't know how busy June will be, and in July my girlfriend will come visit (I haven't seen her since New Year's, so I'm very excited). It'll happen when it happens I suppose, but I'm aiming to write as much as possible this summer!

Hopefully I'll have time to do more requests for this fic at some point :D

Until next chapter, stay safe and I hope the cliffhanger wasn't too bad...