Weirder Things: Patrick's Camera
Chapter 2: Mabel's Guide To Life
Part 1
Patrick walked into the twins' bedroom with a confused expression. "Hey, guys, have you seen my camera…" he trailed off and gained an annoyed expression when he saw where it was. "Oh."
As it turned out, Mabel took it and was using it for her own little series. "And that concludes Mabel's Guide to Fitness," she said, wearing some sportswear in front of a clipboard that said 'Jog Hog.' "With Waddles, the Jog hog."
She looked at Patrick and nodded at the camera. Patrick sighed and walked over to the camera, turning it to show Waddles on a treadmill. He was running in place after an ice cream sundae that was set in front of him.
Mabel walked over to him. "You want that sundae? You gotta jog for it, jog hog!" She yelled at him like a fitness coach, slamming her fist on the ground. Looking at the camera, she held in her laughter. "Look at his little shorts."
"Would it kill you to ask me for my camera?" Patrick asked her.
Mabel's Guide to Dating
The scene opened with Mabel and her stuffed animals as guests sitting in front of a talk show-like table. "As we all know, I'm a dating expert," she said to the camera, tucking her hair behind her ear.
"No, you're not," Patrick said from behind the camera.
"In fact, I can't get the boys to leave me alone!" Mabel said, leaning back in her chair with a confident expression.
CRRR!
Another scene taken from inside shows Mabel holding a cardboard cutout boy named Zack standing outside the window. pretending to be him. "Mabel, I love you so much, baby. Why won't you let me into your life?" She said, pretending to be the imaginary boy.
CRRR!
"You know what you did, Zack!" Mabel yelled at him from back inside.
"What exactly are you trying to do here, Mabel?" Patrick asked.
Getting back to focusing on the show, Mabel smiled at her cousin. "I'm so glad you asked, Patrick. Because you're going to be a part of it," she said with excitement.
Patrick looked a little hesitant. "Uh, should I be worried?"
CRRR!
Patrick found himself sitting with Soos, Dipper, and Stan on yellow chairs in the attic. Over their heads was a cardboard sign that said CONTESTANTS on it. "Today, we're gonna test the date-ability of three of Gravity Falls' swingin-est bachelors!" Mabel announced to the audience.
"Soos!"
The handyman turned his head to look at the wrong camera. "Get ready to fall in love, America!" He said with excitement. "Am I, am I looking at the right camera?"
"Dipper!"
"Who are you even making this for?" Dipper asked.
"Patrick!"
"Uh, hey ladies," Patrick said sheepishly and waved, slightly embarrassed. "Hey, wait! No one better see this, Mabel!"
"Grunkle Stan!"
Leaning back in his chair, Stan said apathetically, "I'm only here 'cause you promised bacon." Mabel threw a piece of bacon at him from off-screen. Stan eagerly caught it in his mouth and ate it. "I'm pacified!"
Mabel walked in front of the camera and whispered to the audience. "And now for a simple 9,000-question dating quiz."
Patrick heard this and looked at Mabel in shock. "Wait, WHAT?!"
CRRR!
As it turned out, Mabel wasn't lying when she said that she put together a 9,000-question dating quiz for the boys. Together, Patrick, Stan, Dipper, and Soos went into the living room to take Mabel's dating quiz.
Stan sat in his chair and looked over one of the questions. "'Should men always pay for dinner?' What is this, Russia?" He asked what was, in his mind, a ridiculous question.
Meanwhile, Soos was sitting on the steps of the room's entrance. "'How many kids would you like to have?' Seven, preferably. That's one to love every day of the week," he said, writing down his answer.
Dipper was on the floor, looking over his questions. "'How do you treat a gal?' Huh. Well, hovering nearby and laughing at everything she says obviously," Dipper said, even though it was a pretty creepy thing to do. Nonetheless, he wrote it down on the questionnaire. "Nailing this."
Patrick was sitting at the table and looking at his next question. "'What hair color is the prettiest?' Red." Patrick said, and moved on to the next question.
Mabel zoomed the camera out and walked in front of it. "While they're busy working, we give you, 'Animal Dating!'"
What followed was a montage of Mabel forcing two of several kinds of animals to date one another. First were a pair of toads. Then she climbed up to a tree where an owl was sleeping and placed a fake owl next to it. The bird tried to fly away, but Mabel grabbed its tail feathers. For her final attempt, Mabel stupidly had a pair of acorns attached to he ears like earrings. The result was her being attacked by the squirrels.
Soon, it was time for the results of the quiz.
Mabel stood in front of the contestants, with each of the boys' quiz scores in her hands. "Grunkle Stan, on a scale from one to five, you scored a three."
"Yes! Yes!" the conman yelled, pumping his fists. The scene paused, and a "Datable" stamp was stamped on Stan.
"This will limit your dating pool to widows, lady plumbers, convicts, and witches."
"I still consider this a victory," Stan said, satisfied. After all, he married a foxy witch before, so scored for him!
Mabel then walked up to her brother. "Dipper. Your score is…'' she paused to look at the paper. Seeing what his score was, she recoiled. "Eesh! You know, scores don't really matter. You just need to focus on being you."
Dipper looked away, trying to figure out what she meant. The scene paused, and a "Questionable" stamp was stamped on Dipper.
Patrick was next up. "Patrick, your score is…a perfect 5 out of 5!" She announced, much to Patrick's surprise.
"Wah, really?!" Patrick asked.
"This will limit your dating pool to hot alien girls, supermodels, and vampire princesses."
"Woo!" Patrick shouted, throwing his fists in the air.
"Oh, wait, my thumb was covering up the last one," Mabel said, secretly writing something down. "It also said that you'll be eligible to date redheads and lumberjacks."
Patrick blushed when he heard this and jumped out of his chair. "VICTORY IS MINE!" He shouted.
The scene paused, and a "Come get him, ladies" stamp was stamped on Soos.
"With Patrick in the lead, let's see if our last contestant can tie him," Mabel said to the audience before moving to the handyman. "Soos, on a scale from one to five, you scored…a twelve?"
"My grandma was right all along. I am the world's most perfect man!" Soos said. He stretched out his arms as a spotlight shined on him, and three birds flew in and landed on his arms and head. The scene paused, and a "Total Hunk" stamp was stamped on Soos.
CRRR!
The next title card read Final Thoughts.
Sitting back at the table, Mabel faced the camera. "Love is all around us. And if it seems like you two aren't the right fit, force it!" She said, slamming her fist on the table.
"That's horrible advice, Mabel," Patrick said from behind the camera.
"You've never dated before, Patrick!" Mabel yelled rather aggressively. She heard the sound of squeaking and saw the two squirrels from the montage coming into the room from the window. "Oh, no! The squirrels! They're back! Aaah!" She screamed as the squirrels attacked her.
"Holy!" Patrick yelled and rushed over to help her.
CRRR!
Part 2
"And that concludes Mabel's Guide to Hair Topiary!" Mabel said to the camera. She was sitting in a chair in the attic with Patrick, once again filming her with the help of Soos. Her hair was twisted and a complete mess, and with clothes hangers stuck in it.
"Uh, Mabel?" Patrick asked. "What was your thought process?"
"It's an ostrich. It's clearly an ostrich," Mabel said defensively. To prove it, she grabbed the 'beak' part of the hair and emitted bird calls.
Mabel's Guide to Stickers
The video started with Mabel sitting on a chair again with a history book. Behind her, Dipper tried reading a book on his bed while she did her episode. "Throughout history, stickers have been the backbone of many great civilizations."
"What?" Patrick asked.
"No, they haven't," Dipper said, not looking up from his bed.
Ignoring her brother and cousin, Mabel opened the book to a page about ancient Greece and showed a picture of a man with leeches on his skin. "The ancient Greeks used leeches for stickers! The more stickers you had, the cooler you were!"
Patrick looked at the book. "It said they were used for blood-letting," he said.
Mabel turned the page to one about the ancient Aztecs. "The ancient Aztecs' chest skull was the modern equivalent to today's…" she put down the book to show a sticker of a Jamaican orange. "Orange you happy, mon?"
Patrick and Dipper looked at the girl with a mixture of disbelief and astonishment. "Mabel, where are you getting this information from?" The teenager asked, much to Mabel's annoyance.
"Patrick's right, Mabel. Have you ever read a history book?" Dipper asked.
"Edit it out!" Mabel yelled and pointed at Dipper. The tape fast-forwarded, and Dipper disappeared. She then turned to the camera again and snapped her fingers. "Edit!" One fast forward, and stickers appear on her face. "Edit!" More stickers appeared. "Edit!" Now her face was nearly covered in stickers. "Cut away!"
CRRR!
The next scene had Mabel standing with Soos. She was holding her Sticktionary, which was a fancy way of saying a book of stickers. "Let's take a look at my personal Sticktionary!" Mabel said, and opened her Sticktionary. "Stickers fall into several distinct categories. Puffy stickers."
Soos reached in and rubbed his hand on the stickers. "So soft!"
Mabel turned the page to one that had animal stickers with googly eyes. "Googly eyes stickers." She shook the book, making the eyes go up and down.
"Aaah! It's like they're watching me!"
Mabel turned the pages to show off even more stickers. "Bumper stickers, scratch and sniff, sniff and touch, listen and taste, and price stickers!" She listed the sticker types. Mabel pointed to the price stickers and said, "You can get these ones free at the store!"
"Mabel, what are you thinking?!" Patrick exclaimed, still behind the camera. "You can't just take those! Remember what happened the last time you did that?"
CRRR!
Security camera footage showed Mabel giggling as she was about to walk past some flat-screen TVs, which were worth $1,300 dollars. But did Mabel care? No. She was too wrapped up in her sticker craze. "Stickers, stickers, stickers." She chanted, taking the price tags off the TVs.
This caused one customer to run over to the shelf they were on and pick up a TV. "Free TVs, everybody!" He yelled and ran off, causing the other customers to run over and start stealing TVs. In the end, 10 people were arrested that day, including the kids until Veronica bailed them out.
CRRR!
"Listen, Patrick. You shouldn't doubt my authority. In the sticker world, I'm the girl who can get you things," Mabel glouted.
"I doubt more than just your authority."
CRRR!
The scene changed to downstairs in the Mystery Shack's gift shop. Mabel and Stan were at the cash register, with the girl eating an ice cream cone. "I need a sticker to put on my car to, y'know, get the cops off my back," he said to his niece.
Like a shady drug dealer, Mabel showed Stan what she had to offer: a 'Baby on board' sticker. Stan grinned and tried to grab the sticker, but Mabel quickly took it back. "Uh-uh! My price?" She told him.
Stan sighed. It was a pain in the ass to get, so he might as well give it to her. Crouching down, Stan pulled out a huge can of industrial sprinkles and placed it on the counter. On it was a clear warning that said 'not for individual consumption.
"I'm gonna get so sick," Mabel said, rolling her eyes with a smile.
CRRR!
Mabel was back in her room, eating the sprinkles by the handfuls. "Mabel, don't you think those are hazardous to your health?" Patrick asked from behind the camera.
"EDIT IT OUT!" Mabel shouted with a mouthful of sprinkles. Behind the camera, Patrick disappeared. And then she started editing herself. "Edit!" Now she was wearing sunglasses. "Edit!" A radio appeared on her bed. "Edit!" Then Soos appeared, holding a tray with a hamburger and a drink.
"What? How did I get here?" Soos asked in confusion.
"Thanks for watching Mabel's Guide to Stickers," Mabel said to the audience. "And now a riddle: What kind of sticker can save your life?"
CRRR!
"Waddles! If you please." Mabel said, wearing a rain couch. Patrick his head to Waddle and freaked out when he saw the pig with the grappling hook.
"Wait, DON'T!" Patrick yelled, but was too slow to stop Waddles from shooting the grappling hook at Mabel. The hook slammed into Mabel's stomach, knocking her down to the ground.
"Mabel!" Patrick yelled, running over to her and kneeling next to her. "Mabel, are you okay?!" He asked worriedly.
Mabel opened her eyes and smiled. "I'm fine, Patrick. Thanks to…" She sat up and opened her jacket. Revealing to him and the audience the vest underneath that had a ton of stickers inside. "Puffy stickers!" She laughed as Patrick sighed in relief. "It still really hurts, though…"
Part 3
After hearing a massive explosion coming from the kitchen, Patrick walked in to see what had happened. "Mabel, what was that…WHAT THE?!" He yelled when he saw what happened.
Over at the table, Mabel was standing in front of several glow sticks, and an exploded television on a table with a phone and a camera glued to it. Her face was covered in soot, and her hair was blasted backwards.
She coughed for a moment, before being able to speak again. "Wow! I'll definitely never be allowed to do that again!" She said to the camera.
"You're damn right you're not!" Patrick yelled. "What the hell did you do?"
"Oh you know, just showing people how to improve their lives," Mabel stated before turning back to the camera. "Thanks for watching Mabel's Guide to Home Pyrotechnics. See you next time! AAHH!" Mabel screamed when her hair started to crack with electricity.
Mabel's Guide to Fashion
The video started with a montage of Mabel's sweaters. First was a green sweater that said, 'Toucan Play that Game!'. The next was with a dog with sunglasses and an ice cream that said 'Stay Cool'. The next one said 'Beware of Tude!'
"The sweaters!" Grenda said as she narrated. The video then showed a Christmas sweater, but changed to show Mabel sitting on the counter with glasses on, pretending to be on the phone. Stan walked over to tell her to get down, but Mabel held up a finger and continued her call. "The attitude!"
"The boys love it!" Grenda said as Mabel strutted around her room. Walking past Dipper, who sat on his bed with a pair of glasses.
"So wait, what do you want me to do?" Dipper asked, not sure what was going on.
"Flip up your glasses!" Grenda whispered to him.
"Uh, like this?" He asked, flipping the glasses up. This was just what Mabel wanted, and she had the scene of Dipper flipping his glasses repeat itself 3 times with picture sounds.
"OHHH YEAHH!"
CRRR!
The next scene had Mabel on a chair. "Guess what. It's Mabel. Everyone wants to look as amazing as me. But most people don't have time for fashion in their busy day-to-day lives. That's why I've created…"
She jumped off her chair as Candy and Grenda jumped in with her. Both friends were holding makeup boxers. Together, Mabel, Candy & Grenda screamed, "Flash makeovers!"
A sign written "Flash Makeovers" was shown for a brief moment, before the girls found their first target in the form of Soos, who was sitting in the living room.
When he saw the girls, he greeted them. "Hey, guys, what are you uh—"
"Grenda, hold him down!" Mabel yelled as the two girls ran at Soos. The poor handyman didn't even have a chance to prepare himself when Grenda tackled Soos to the ground. Holding him down as Mabel puts on the makeup.
CRRR!
When the girls were done, they dressed Soos as David Bowie from Labyrinth, with tight pants, noble-like clothes, yellow hair, and a glass ball. But Soos was not having the time of his life. "These pants are so tight... I can't move!" He said, struggling to move his legs.
"You can thank us later!" Mabel said as she and Grenda ran out the door.
Soos dropped the glass ball and looked at the camera fearfully. "If you're watching this, call for help!" He tried to move his legs, only to trip and fall down on his back. "I'm down! Soos is down!"
CRRR!
Mabel slowly opened the bathroom door and saw her uncle rubbing his face with aftershave while singing to himself. "I'm Stan, and I was wrong, and I'm singing the…" He wasn't able to finish that sentence when Grenda rushed in and tackled Grunkle Stan to the ground. "AAAAAH! What's happening?!"
"BEAUTY IS HAPPENING!" Mabel shouted with crazed glee as Grenda drew on his face.
CRRR!
"Mabel, how many times do I have to tell you to not…" Patrick stopped when he walked into the bathroom. He saw Candy handling his camera, but he also saw that Mabel and Grenda had given his Grunkle Stan tiger makeup. Grenda showed the conman the final outcome with a hand mirror.
"I'd be pretty mad at you girls, if I didn't look so fantastic!" Stan said, admiring his make-up.
"Success!" Mabel cheered.
"What the hell is going on around here!?" Patrick exclaimed, getting the girls' attention. "I just finished cutting Soos out of a tight pair of pants and now he's crying in the corner."
"That's just because he can't handle how beautiful he looks," Mabel said, waving him off. "Take it to the streets, girls!" She ran off with Candy and a camera.
"I'm taking your aftershave," Grenda said, taking the after shave and following her friends out of the bathroom.
Patrick turned to Stan. "I better go make sure she doesn't terrorize the town, again." He said and ran off to find Mabel.
CRRR!
Patrick stood with Mabel and Grenda outside on the streets of Gravity Falls. The girl Pines looked around the street, rubbing her chin with narrow eyes. "Okay, gals. We need a real challenge," she said.
Patrick looked around, before stopping what the girls were looking for. Sitting on a bench was none other than Old Man McGucket. "Old Man McGucket!" He said, before spitting in a bucket as a woman walked by, weirded out by the local kook. "Spittin' in a bucket!"
Patrick said, "I don't know, girls. You really think you can fix him up?"
"Let's try something bold," Mabel said, more than up for the challenge.
CRRR!
"Aaaand, done!" Patrick said, stepping back to admire his work.
Have you ever heard the old saying, 'if my dog were as ugly as you, I'd shave its butt and tell it to walk backwards'? Well, as it turned out, that was what Mabel was thinking when she thought of how to fix McGucket up. She took off his hat and had Patrick draw a face on Old Man McGucket's bald head.
"Is my cousin good or what, girls?" Mabel said, giving Patrick a pair of figure guns.
"Absolutely stunning!" Grenda said.
"So, what are we going to do with the…problem... area…" Patrick asked, gesturing to all of McGucket's face.
Mabel hummed and thought for a moment. Then she got an idea. She lifted McGucket's beard and flipped it over his face. Covering it and giving McGucket a full set of hair for his other face. "Now you just have to walk backwards everywhere you go, and bingo! You're fabulous," she said, giving his beard a quick comb.
"That's the way my body naturally wants to move anyways!" Old Man McGucket said, before he started to walk away backward. "Da di di di da da di di dooweeoo."
As he watched McGucket walk away, Patrick smiled and ruffled Mabel's hair. "You know, Mabel I wasn't sure if this was going to work, but I think that it just might—"
All of a sudden, a woman with a pointed-nose screamed at McGucket and ran away. "BACKWARDS MONSTER!"
"Shit."
"Which reminds me," Mabel said, before she and Grenda turned to Patrick. Both of them looked ready to pounce.
"What are you…no, no way!" Patrick yelled, backing away. "If you come near me, I'll- AAH!" Greta jumps on him from behind and held him down as Mabel does his make-up.
CRRR!
They got back to the shack, and Patrick was presented with a mirror. The end result of Mabel putting make-up on him was Patrick looking like Edward Scissorhands, complete with actual scissors.
"Where did you even get these scissors?"
"No questions, just get out there and strut your stuff!" Mabel said as she and Grenda ran out of the house once again to terrorize more people with their fashion.
It was then that Wendy walked into the room. She stopped when she saw Patrick's outfit. The black-haired teenager stared at her with a blush as the redhead tried to hold in her laugh. "I'm sorry, I just…" Wendy turned and walked out of the room. Her laughing could be heard.
Patrick looked at the camera and said, "Candy, you better erase this."
Part 4
Patrick walked into the twin's room to see if they wanted to go on an adventure today. However, what he found was Dipper sitting at his bed reading, and Mabel laughing like a maniac for a rather long time. "And that's Mabel's Guide to laughing for an uncomfortable amount of time," she said and stopped laughing for a moment. "Uh-oh, here comes more!"
She started laughing again, making Dipper hide his head in his book. Patrick just walked out of the room and closed the door behind himself.
Mabel's Guide to Color
The video started with Mabel sitting in front of a projector that Patrick set up in his room. "Ah, color. It's all around us!" She said, before turning the projector to a picture of Dipper. His face was trying green and he looked ready to throw up. "From the green of a nauseous twin brother…" She then presented a picture of Grunkle Stan's nose. "To the weird orange of an old man's nose…" The next picture she showed was of Soos next to an open toilet. "...to the beautiful sky blue of toilet water."
"I'm in that one!" Soos exclaimed, pointing towards the projector.
"Yes, you are, Soos. To the fiery red for a cousin that has a massive crush," Mabel continued on, showing Patrick's blushing face. "But it wasn't always this way."
She began her story by turning to a black and white picture during the Great Depression. "According to history, the world was black and white until color was invented by a magic wizard named Crayondalf the Fabulous!" She exclaimed, showing a wizard she drew appearing in the picture.
"Goddamn, Mabel. I would love to live in your world for just ten minutes," Patrick said, shaking his head.
"Yeah, I'm pretty great," she said, leaning back in her chair with her arms behind her head.
"Yeah, I bet," Patrick said with a chuckle. "I'd likely be dumb as shit, but I wouldn't really care."
Mabel then asked the audience. "What's your favorite color, Gravity Falls?"
What followed was a montage of Mabel asking the people of Gravity Falls what their favorite color is. First was Pacifica, who was wearing pink inside the pink section of the mall. "Hot pink."
"Beige!" Grenda said.
"Pacifica," Dipper said in his room as he looked over a map. "Wait, what was the question again?"
"I'd have to go with crimson," Patrick said.
"Lasers," Soos said as he sat in the Mystery Cart. "Ooh! Or liquid metal! Does leopards count as a color?"
Wendy was sitting with her family on the couch. All of them were wearing flannel with the couch flannel, and the wall behind them flannel. "Flannel," she said.
Soos came back to Mabel. "Okay, okay. I've narrowed it down to Aurora Borealis, camouflage…"
Candy held up a magic vision poster. "Magic vision poster!" She said, even if it wasn't a color.
Gompers bleated to Mabel, but his caption said that he was a fan of Burgundy.
"None," Stan told his niece as he placed a stack of money into a briefcase.
"What?" Mabel asked in confusion.
"I don't have a favorite color. I don't even like colors," he told her as he stood up. He then placed the briefcase on the table and pulled out a key.
"Not even rainbows?" Mabel asked.
"Beats me. I've never seen a rainbow," he told her bluntly, locking the briefcase.
"WHAT?!"
CRRR!
Patrick was sitting in his room and reading a book when Mabel suddenly kicked down the door. She was honking a pair of air horns, blaring a siren from on top of her head, and a sign written 'COLOR EMERGENCY.'
"Patrick, get upstairs! We have a color emergency!" She yelled at her startled cousin before running out of the room. Patrick groaned. He was just starting to relax!
When he made it upstairs and walked into the twins' room, he found Dipper, Candy, Grenda, Wendy, and Waddles in the room with Mabel standing in front of them.
Mabel explained what she'd learned from Stan and how she was determined to fix this. "Alright, guys, how can we get Grunkle Stan to see a rainbow? I need ideas, people!" She exclaimed.
Waddles walked away.
"Sometimes, if I drink expired milk, I see rainbows! I'm gonna try right now!" Grenda said, taking out a gallon of expired milk.
"Uh, Grenda, I wouldn't…" Patrick stopped her, but Grenda was already chugging down the milk. "Nevermind. Anyone else got an idea that, you know, doesn't involve poisoning themselves?"
As it turned out, someone did have an idea. Candy took out a paper and started drawing on it. When she was finished, Candy showed the other what she'd drawn. "What if we reflect the rainbow from the falls into Stan's window?" She asked, showing the drawing that showed them reflecting the rainbow with a giant mirror.
"That…actually sounds like a good idea," Patrick said with a smile.
"Let's show that old man the joys of the rainbow!" Wendy exclaimed, pumped to do this plan.
Dipper and Candy high-fived together. "Yeah!"
Grenda finally finished her milk and looked rather drunk on it. "Yeah!" She yelled, before falling off the bed. Startling everyone but Candy, as she started to sleep.
"Should we call an ambulance?" Wendy asked.
"It's fine. She does this," Candy said.
CRRR!
Inside Stan's office, which had all the lights timed off and the shades down, Mabel waited for the signal from Wendy. Mabel waited in a corner of the office and said to the camera. "Alright, we're about to unleash the power of the 'Roy-G-Biv-A-Tron' into Stan's office!"
A second later, the walkie-talkie turned on, and Wendy said from it, "Alright, Stan's on the move."
"Roger that. Are you guys ready?" Mabel asked.
"We're ready," Patrick said, having driven Dipper and Candy to the falls. The two kids were holding a large mirror and positioned themselves just where the rainbow ended. The rainbow arced from the waterfall and into the mirror.
After getting the go-ahead from Mabel, Patrick turned to them and said, "Alright. Go for it!" Together, Dipper and Candy angled the mirror to reflect the rainbow towards the Mystery Shack.
"Does anyone else have the feeling that what we're doing is a bad idea?" Patrick asked.
"Eh, I usually bury that feeling deep down," Dipper said.
Back at the Shack, Stan walked into the room and noticed that his room was completely dark. However, he didn't see Mabel in the corner, wearing a pair of sunglasses and holding in her excitement. "Nothing brightens the dark room like a light from a window! Time to open the window…" Stan opened the window and screamed in agony when his eyes were directly hit by the rainbow beams that were coming into his office. "OH NO! WHY! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!" He screamed, falling to the ground.
"Ta-daah! Surprise!" Mabel yelled, jumping out. However, her excitement for her uncle finally seeing a rainbow was cut short as Stan continued to scream in agony and cover his eyes.
"MY EYES ARE ON FIRE! AAAAAAHH! AAAAAAAHH! AAAAAAHHH!" Stan fell down to the ground as he continued screaming.
Mabel's radio turned crackled to life, and Patrick's voice talked through it. "Mabel, did the rainbow make it through the window?" he asked from the other end. "Mabel? Mabel are you still there?"
Mabel grabbed the radio and turned it off. A second later, Stan's desk started to catch on fire. All while Stan was still screaming. "AAAAAAHH! AAAAAAAHH! OH, IT'S SO HOT IT HURTS! AAAAAAHH!"
"Maybe we overdid it a little bit," Mabel said.
CRRR!
"Get those bandages good and tight!" Stan said to Patrick and Soos. After the fiasco, they brought the conman to the living room and sat him in his chair. He was getting his eyes bandaged by Soos and Patrick, while Mabel stood in front of the camera.
"Stan, this is serious," Wendy said, looking worried. "You really should see a doctor."
"No! I'm not giving my life savings to that quack doctor."
Despite the damage she caused, Mabel smiled at the camera. "That's it for today! Join us next week when we'll be doing 'Mabel's Guide to Apologizing to your Great Uncle.'"
"I hate color more than ever!" Stan yelled.
"He's just saying that," Mabel said with a nervous smile. She looked at Patrick. "Cut it, cut it!"
CRRR!
Part 5
"Uh, Mabel, are you okay?" Patrick asked from behind the camera, before Mabel got up from the ground, in front of a broken fence. She had umbrellas in her hands, a pair of goggles, a helmet, and a pillow attached to her torso that had "Amelia Awesomeheart" written on it. She had some feathers around her.
"I'm good. And that was Mabel's Guide to Flying," she said to the camera, before throwing down umbrellas and walking next to a bird that landed on the fence. "In conclusion, flying and falling are basically the same thing." The young girl then started whispering to the bird next to her. "I am like you now, bird. We are now one!"
Mabel's Guide to Art
"'Mabel's Guide To' is filmed in front of an adorable studio audience," Mabel said as she filmed Waddles sleeping in a cardboard box.
"Art! It's all around us!" Mabel started, standing next to a moose statue with a tennis racket and tutu on a marble pedestal. She then pulled out a The first was a postcard of Egypt with the Great Pyramids of Giza. "From the big triangles of the desert."
"Great Pyramids of Giza," Patrick corrected her.
She then pulled out a pen with a dog with a top hat. "...to those pens that go like…Brooop!" Mabel tilted the pen to make the dog with a hat part go up. Then she tilted it back down. "Brooop!"
CRRR!
The video cuts to photoage of an elephant painting. "Ha ha! Even old Jumbo is getting in on the act," Mabel said as the video showed what the elephant was painting, which was just blobs and squiggly lines. "Don't quit your day job, Jumbo! That's... that's really bad."
CRRR!
The video cuts back to Mystery Shack to show Mabel. "No one knows what art means or where it comes from," she said with a shrug.
"Art is the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination through a visual form," Patrick said to her, interrupting Mabel's video. "And it was first invented by the cavemen."
Mabel stayed silent for a moment, wanting to make sure Patrick wasn't going to interrupt her again. The young girl then continued. "As I've said, no one knows! But one thing is for sure: I'm great at it!" She said, throwing her arms in the air.
Going over to a table, Mabel placed a drawing of a scribble on it. "At age 2, I was naturally gifted," she said, before putting another picture on top of it. This one was a stick figure of Dipper. "At age 5, I was a master of portraits." Mabel then put another picture of 'Rainbow Court' over it. "Age 7 was a time of free exploration!"
"It's like looking into the mind of Picasso," Patrick said sarcastically.
"But everything changed when I saw this amazing caricature!" Mabel said, taking out a caricature of Patrick. He had a big, ugly-looking head surfing with a very sexy Wendy surfing behind him.
"Gimme that!" Patrick grabbed the drawing and snatched it from her.
"What could make it even better, you ask? I give you…" Mabel reached down and took out a cat drawing that had Dipper's hat. "The 'Cat-icature!'"
The scene paused, and a "CAT-ICATURE!" caption appeared with a short soundtrack and a meow.
"Just compare this amazing likeness to Dipper!" Mabel said, walking up to her brother and holding the picture drawing up to him.
Dipper, however said, "That doesn't look anything like me."
"You're right it does look exactly like you!" Mabel interrupted him.
"CAT-ICATURE!"
Patrick followed Mabel as his cousin showed off the cat-icatures of himself, Dipper, Wendy, Waddles, and Soos to Stan. Mabel placed Stan's cat-icature on them as the old man looked at them, squinting. "Uh, it's just the same crummy cat face with a different hat each time," the conman said. The teenager was so tempted to make an NFT joke, but felt like he would have to explain what those were to Stan.
"Exactly! And I sell 'em for 10 dollars each," Mabel said.
Stan was silent for a moment. "You need an agent? I am now your agent."
CRRR!
The first thing Mabel had to do to get the word about her cat-icatures around town was to present her work to the right people. And by that, she meant taking them to the news. But the only one that would take the story was Toby Determined. And he would only do it if Mabel did a cat-icature of himself.
And that's what Mabel did. It didn't take long, and when she was finished, she handed this picture to Toby. "It looks exactly like me! Right down to my actual cat whiskers that the doctors can't explain!" He exclaimed. Mabel looked at him weirdly as he hugged the picture. "Meow meow meow!"
"You're always weirder than I remember," Mabel told him, backing away.
CRRR!
The word got out, and everyone in town wanted in on the cat-icatures. Stan set up a stand outside, and the money just kept rolling in from a huge line of people that wanted their own drawings. "Mabel! These cat-icatures are sellin' like hotcakes!" Stan exclaimed as he sold another drawing.
Mabel was sitting at a different stand that had a large stack of drawings. "Cat-icatures are good. But I've moved on to the next level. Behold…" She reached down and pulled out an actual live cat which had a human face painted on its stomach. "'Humani-cat-icatures!'"
Humanicaticature!
"Mabel, why does that cat have a collar?" Patrick asked, only for Mabel to take it off and throw it away.
The customers who came to buy the cat-icature looked at Mabel weirdly. Just as it seemed like they all still had brain cells and knew that it was stupid, that notion was quickly dashed away when they all started yelling and waving their money around. Demanding to buy the humani-cat-icatures. Patrick had to facepalm, while Stan looked so happy.
"Somebody get this girl more cats!" He yelled.
CRRR!
Later on that day, Patrick walked up to the attic with his camera. After they sold out of all of the cat-icatures, there was now a huge demand for the new humani-cat-icatures. After Stan got her more cats, Mabel retreated upstairs. However, it had been hours since she's come down. Patrick, becoming worried, went upstairs to see if she was ok.
"Mabel, are you up…what the hell?!" He yelled when he saw her.
Mabel looked absolutely awful. She was surrounded by angry cats, who all looked like they were about to attack her at any moment. Her clothes, hair, and face were clawed and torn up by the angry felines. Giving her the appearance of a crazy cat lady.
"That's it for Mabel's guide to Art. Where we learned sometimes you have to suffer for your art," she said with a craze smile.
Patrick looked around the room. He then looked at his cousin, worried. "Mabel, who are you talking to?"
"The audience, of course! Those are dying to know my methods," Mabel said.
"But…" Patrick slowly held up the camera. "I still have the camera. And it's not even on."
"Here kitty, here kitty, kitty…" Mabel said to one of the cats, trying to get it to come to her so she could draw on it. However, the cat jumped and attacked Mabel in her face. She screamed and fell down as it continued clawing at her. "It actually kinda tickles."
"Alright, that's it! You're banned from using the camera!" Patrick declared, turning off the camera.
CRRR!