Interlude: Playtime!
It was after bathtime.
That meant that only one thing;
Playtime!
Lots of kids were running around playing. More of the Aunties and Dad were playing too (but Dad was always there) so they got to make more groups this time too. It was a really good day! Even Lyra and Lemy and Lina weren't fighting today since their Moms were there!
Lynn was playing ball with Lacy. Lacy was being careful to not bop her in the face again, was good because last time really hurt and Lacy cried more than she did.
"I throw!" Said Lacy.
And she did!
The ball went up, and then down and bounced!
Lynn ran after it and grabbed it.
"I throw!" Said Lynn.
And she did.
And it went up a bit.
Lacy moved forward a bit and caught it!
"I catch!"
And they did that. Sometimes Lynn threw too far so Lacy made her arms more far apart to catch. But Lynn wasn't as good at catching so Lacy was careful not to throw too much because Mom said it was more fun if everyone got to catch.
Not too far away, Londey and Leia were playing princesses and knights with Lops and Lizy and Lulu. They had a specially cut up box castle that they got to put chairs in so they could be on top. Their Moms and Dad (the white hair one) even drew on the outside so it looked like it was made of stone and everything.
It was all different colours though because Londey and Leia and Lizy and Lops and Lulu got to colour in the stones and they all had to use different crayons.
"Hi Princess Leia!" Lizy waved to Leia with a plastic knife (Dad said real ones were too sharp for play). "I here to save you!"
"Me too." Said Lops, who had a plastic knife too.
"Wow, really!?" Leia gasped. She had on one of her mom's old princess dresses from when she was little, but it had to be bunched up a bit because it was too big. "Look Londey, we saved!"
"Hooray!" Cheered Londey, also in an old pageant dress, but a little less bunched up because it already had to be made smaller after someone spilled chocolate on it.
Unfortunately for the Princesses and the Knights, being saved was not as easy as having two Knights show up.
After all, in all those bedtime stories there was always a Dragon.
And since Londey said 'Hooray', the dragon knew it was her turn to come out and play!
The carboard castle's door opened and Lulu pushed through (it was cut out and held on from the top inside by sticky tape so it could work like a doggy door). She had a special hat on that looked like a Frog's head but its mouth was big and had the person's own head inside, it looked enough like a dragon for them to pretend though.
Also, her face was open with her Big Teeth, so she looked scary as well!
"Oh!" Lops swallowed as she raised up her 'sword'. "Dragon here!"
Lulu growled just like Vanzilla, and her eyes glowed.
"No laser!" Lizy pointed her finger at Lulu. "Moms say not in house!"
Lulu's eyes went back to normal.
"Yeah, now fight!" Lizy declared with glee, and she pulled Lops towards the 'Dragon' so they could play fight for a bit. The Princesses cheering them on above for good luck.
If the cries of 'battle' from downstairs effected Lucy, then the tall woman didn't show it. The spooky sister had gone upstairs upon noticing that Lupa was on her own and clearly thinking of making trouble once more.
The little mischief maker was presently mollified by sitting on her mother's shoulder, one hand gripping Lucy's neck while the other held an oversized (compared to her little head) cookie in place as she slowly chewed her way through it.
Of course, the combination of crunches and sucking that a toddler made as they devoured a treat would annoy even the most stoic of souls, but as Lucy silently glided into the nursery- that wasn't what brought a slight frown to her lips.
Rather it was the ill-hidden lump under the little blanket of one of the cribs' beds, the tell-tale sign of a certain child trying to get more naptime in.
"Loth…" the woman's irritation coloured her sigh. Her long arm slipped under the blanket, and grasped the grabbed the handle so helpfully sewn into the youngster's dark onesie to pull the disappointed sack of human up to her eye level.
Loth was similar to her sister at first glance, save that her hair was a shade darker and the girl herself was substantially larger- almost comically so for her age. However, while Lupa was relatively stoic for a girl her age (disregarding with occasional bouts of glee and an odd smugness that radiated from her) her sister's visage was almost never graced with anything other than the same flat expression of disinterest that stared back at Lucy now.
Only a fool would have accepted her apparent apathy at face value though, considering the toddler had just managed to scale a full set of stairs and climb into a crib set to at an adult's chest height.
Still though, Loth said nothing as she hung, simply accepting her fate as a given now that the crib was out of reach.
"We already had naptime." Lucy calmly reproached her child. "You're meant to be bonding with your brothers and sisters."
Loth slowly blinked.
"Yes, I know they're loud." Lucy sighed. "But that is the nature of our family."
Loth seemed to sag a little more.
"… We can go in the vents later if you play downstairs now."
The small girl seemed to perk up ever so slightly.
But while Lucy negotiated activities with her less active child upstairs, Lincoln and Lisa were busy downstairs with far more.
"Come on Gloomy, don't you want some more?" The bag-eyed man pretended to swallow some mush from the little spoon in his hand.
Gloom, for her part, seemed unconvinced by her father's acting and remained satisfied with gumming at her foot instead, held firmly up to her mouth with her pudgy hands.
"You have been unsuccessful for ten minutes," a visibly tired Lisa interjected with clipped tones, her hands already occupied with spooning food into the mouths of Stella and Nikki's own children- the three all having chosen to be difficult with their snacks today and in turn needing to continue feeding for longer than the others. "I would suggest that assisting me with the more co-operative units would be a more productive use of our very limited time."
"She's going to be grumpy if she doesn't finish at least half of this now," Lincoln reminded the scientist, then his eyes widened as he spotted one of Lisa's charges pulling herself out of her high chair. "Leese!"
Lisa caught sight of the little adventure-seeker just in time to see her jump to peril. The distance between the highchair and the floor was little more than a metre, but that would easily crack the blissfully innocent Darna's skull if she hit it head-first.
Unfortunately for Darna's Life Speed Run record, Lisa's cybernetics were well-equipped to preventing such matters:
The Scientist took half a second to calculate the infant's exact trajectory, then her hand disconnected from her forearm with a click and shot forward with nothing but a thin metal cable to bind it to the rest of her body.
Darna giggled as she landed on the hand, and snorted as the cable bent and swayed up and down to disperse the momentum before coming to a stop.
"Phew…." Lincoln whistled. "Thanks Leese, I don't know how Stella keeps her in one piece…"
"I understand Ms Zhau has a shift system of continuous surveillance by herself and her own parental units," Lisa primly replied, carefully lifting the giggling infant back into her high chair and making sure she was buckled in securely before her hand zipped back and snapped into her forearm. "I have also offered to reinforce S-26's body to be more accommodating to her tendencies-"
Lincoln's eyes widened, "wait- what?"
"-But Ms Zhau declined," Lisa shook her head. "Evidently she feels that S-26's current state is sufficient for survival despite all evidence to the contrary..."
Lincoln resisted the urge to roll his eyes as Lisa continued on with her 'assessment' of Stella's refusal to give life altering surgery to an infant, instead he focused upon Gloom and her steadfast commitment of eating her foot in place of her food.
"… Is that foot really that good?" He dryly asked.
Though Gloom didn't really respond, she didn't need to. Every time he'd coaxed the appendage out of her mouth, she'd either promptly stuck the other one in or just refused to open up at all. It was odd too, since Gloom was usually a quiet and co-operative eater.
But no baby was ever free of fussy days, and it seemed that today was Gloom's turn to frustrate her father.
That said though, no one could ever say that Lincoln Loud was one to give up before a problem. And as he considered the one before him, a solution finally trickled through the haze of years' worth of sleep deprivation.
"… Yeah, it looks pretty good to me too." He let a little smile cross his face, and placed the spoon and bowl of mush on the table for a moment. His empty hands drew up and closer to Gloom's little legs, and the infant's chewing slowed in curiosity. "In fact…
I think I'm gonna try some!"
His fingers tickled at the exposed back of Gloom's outstretched leg, and a few short snorts escaped from the quiet girl- loosening the grip of her gums upon her toes. Lincoln quickly, but gently, gripped her thigh and pulled the leg down to him.
Gloom of course pulled up her other leg to continue her sucking- but a proper, high-pitched giggle issue from her throat to interrupt her as Lincoln started sucking her foot into his own mouth.
"Awwff yhea, dis is gudh!" Lincoln mumbled through the jerking appendage, being careful to only clamp down enough to stop her from pulling the foot away and avoid using his teeth on her tender flesh. "Om nom nom!"
Lisa stared for a moment, before rolling her eyes at the allegedly grown man being utterly silly with his offspring. "You are aware that if S-29 has had any exposure to illnesses recently that you are guaranteed to be infected via saliva transmission?"
Lincoln ignored her in favour of firming the tip of his tongue, and then carefully drawing it up the sensitive sole of Gloom's foot within his mouth.
More happy snorts and laughs emitted from the normally quiet infant until she went into hysterics that rang around the room, and she couldn't help but wiggle her limbs around from the sensation- and she lost the grip she had on her other foot. Instantly Lincoln's left hand snapped out and grabbed the free limb, then pulled it close to its counterpart so he could hold both with one hand.
He finally let the foot escape from his mouth with a pop, even as he kept a grip on both and smiled down at Gloom. "Ahhh, tasty Gloomy feet- my new favourite!"
Gloom, for her part, didn't appear to understand a word of Lincoln's nonsense, but seemed happy nonetheless about the impromptu game her lunch had turned into.
Of course, though, children couldn't grow off silliness alone- so Lincoln engaged stage two of his plan. While Gloom's stubby little fingers reached towards her father and her legs jerked and wiggled in his grasp to try and escape further 'consumption', Lincoln's free hand nimbly found the spoon of mushy peas once more.
"But it's not fair if only I get to eat now is it? But my feet are too big for you…" He drew up the spoon with a slow circling motion, drawing the happy baby's attention. "So, you can have some nice peas instead!"
His hand circled forwards, and Gloom giggled again the silly tone of his voice- and as the mush reached her lips, she let Lincoln push the filled spoon inside without much resistance.
"Ah, much tastier than feet right Gloom?" Lincoln sighed with satisfaction at having pacified at least one of his progeny.
Gloom smiled a little, but Lincoln's grip had loosened with his victory to let her pull her feet free. And of course, she promptly stuffed one back into her mouth with glee, her eyes seeming to twinkle at him with a dare to continue their game.
"Ahhh…" Lincoln rolled his eyes. But a glance confirmed that the bowl of mush was acceptably diminished now anyway, so he mentally checked off Gloom's feeding from his eternally expanding to do list. "Fine, you win this round- but next time you're getting more food than foot you hear me?"
Gloom just sucked at herself with blissful satisfaction. Only time would tell if she would stay satiated.
Until then however, Lincoln's duties as a father demanded his dedication.
"Fraternal Unit." Lisa curtly called, drawing his eyes from Gloom's antics. "I do believe this is your fault."
"What's my-"
His words halted as he spotted Darna and Vikki ignoring the spoons in Lisa's hands, the two babies instead poking their feet out at him over the little tables that attached to their high-chairs. Their faces adorned with as clear expectations as those under one year old could manage.
"Dang it…" Lincoln sighed.
While their father went about discovering exactly what the two had run through that day, off in another corner the Loud/Sharp family were playing together.
"And a one, two, three, four!" Luna nodded to her wife, and the two 'strummed' their 'instruments. Said instruments being well made, but still obviously fake Guitars with buttons on the fingerboards rather than strings. Standing flush to the wall nearby was a medium sized flat screen they'd taken from their tour bus, and said screen flashed on to show a simulated crowd cheering as a set of glowing strings raced up the middle of the scene with brightly coloured beads shooting up each thread in distinct rhythms.
The two women's eyes remained focused on the screen, but their fingers moved with practised ease as they hit every beat the screen demanded. Yet they only responded to a line apiece, for the remaining three of the five strings were attended to by the three considerably less experienced musicians between them.
Whap! Lemy's drum sounded as he tapped his thick drumstick into the surface of his toy, roughly in time to the beats on the screen. Whapp whapp!
"I do it Moms!" His grin revealed two new teeth growing in, and he continued smacking along.
He got maybe a third of the beats right, either getting the pressure and position of the strikes wrong or mistiming them entirely.
Lyra meanwhile was doing her best on her little keyboard. It was another toy, with fold-out legs and only a half-dozen large keys to be pressed- each of which had the notes sticky-taped onto their upper section so Lyra could check. The little musician in question was doing her best to match them in time with her line's glowing beads, and she even stuck the tip of her tongue out of the corner of her mouth with she concentrated since Yellow-Mom did that sometimes and it seemed to help.
Lastly, little Lina sat on her diapered behind, murmuring into a special toy microphone.
Or at least, that's what Luna and Sam had said it was, if one were to ask Lyra; she'd say that she was pretty sure that it didn't actually connect to anything like hers and Lemy's. But nonetheless, the fifth line's beads were occasionally struck off appropriately as Lina babbled into the thing, so she felt included.
And that's what it was all about after all, Sam and Luna playing with their kids in a way they could all have fun with. She and Luna could crush anyone else in the game if they were playing for real anyway, what did it matter if their score was in the gutter if the kids were happy?
And from the way Lina was babbling with big eyes, Lemy was smiling as he whapped away and Lyra was putting in all her little hands could manage- they were having a great time!
"Awww yeahhhhhhh!" Luna mimed a sick guitar shred as the final (dismal) score replaced the crowd and strings, dropping to her knees and thrusting out the pointer and pinker of her otherwise closed free hand to present The Horns. "Thank yoooouuu Rooyall Woooodddsss!"
The she stuck out of her tongue for effect.
It was a testament to the background noise of the Loud Infants that this display barely warranted a glance from anyone outside their immediate group.
As it was, Sam cheerfully returned her gesture with horns of her own. Lemy cheered with glee, Lina gurgled- and Lyra happily gave her little 'piano' another few taps to give Brown-Mom some nice sounds back.
"Aw, thanks guys!" Luna grinned back, and had she left it there; their little music band would have played another song together, and another and so forth until playtime ended and the two adults would have joined forces with the other grown humans to corral their neotenous counterparts into whatever room and chore was needed next.
But Luna was happy, and almost high off the endorphins that came with the open joy that circulated between herself and her strange family on this occasion that so combined her passions. And upon witnessing the cherubic faces of her progeny, she felt the irresistible urge to cutely baby-talk to her offspring.
"Ahhh…" she grinned and reached out her arms. "C'mere you lot!"
Obediently, the three abandoned their instruments and made their way to Luna's reach- Lina getting a little help from Sam's hand to help her crawl. The second all three were within her range, Luna's arms swept them close, drawing in a Sam Sharp for bonus points!
"Awww, I wuv you guys…." She laughed. "I wuv you!" She kissed Lemy's forehead.
"Yay!" Lemy cheered.
"I wuv you," she planted one on Lina's next, causing her to blink and smile. "And I wuv you!" It was Lyra's turn, though the eldest of Luna's children squirmed a little upon the moist touch.
"What about me?" Sam's own arms wrapped around Luna's waist, trapping the kids into an extra layer of affection between the adults. She looked up into her wife's eyes with a little smile.
"Oh Sammie…" Luna gave her wife a quick peck. "I wuv you in the special way."
"Oh really?" Sam gave a little laugh, "how 'special' is the special way?"
"Ewww!" Lemy's usual good nature vanished upon being directly subject to his parents being gross, and he futilely tried to push away with his pudgy hands. "No Kiss!"
Luna's mouth twitched up, and she planted a long, smouldering kiss upon her wife's willing lips.
"Nooooo!"
But while Lemy whinged, his sister, the one he'd shared a room in the womb with, was distracted from all the gross adult stuff around her as something else occurred to her. See, Lyra was a clever little girl, and she did her best to do things right.
But something about what Mom said wasn't right.
No, Lyra was pretty sure that….
"Yu mean luv- love us?" Lyra was careful with her words.
Luna continued on the kiss for a moment longer, then the two adults separated with a breath to look down at the confused child between them.
Alas, while Lyra might have meant to clarify something for the sake of making sure she was getting her words right (she hated getting things wrong!), Luna was (as she usually was) in a playful mood. The kind of mood that was less conductive to helping a child confirm that a misspoken word was indeed meant to be something else, but the speaker had chosen a specific mispronunciation for a purpose, and instead a mood akin to the same impulse that drives one to pinch the cheeks of an infant.
Namely; the desire to tease one's children.
"Yeah!" Luna nodded, giving Lyra a moment of hope- before the grown woman snuggled down to bring her face close to Lyra's ear. "I wuv you…"
"… Luv?" Lyra queried in confusion, slipping her pronunciation in the process.
"Wuv." Luna confirmed.
Lyra's brows furrowed, for she was quite certain that she was right- because she always was (except for when she wasn't), and the way Mom was talking was like when she was…
"No!" Lyra growled, and looked up with angry eyes. "It Love! Yu teasing me!"
"Naahhh," Luna denied, but she was grinning like Luan on April First. "It's wuv."
"Luv!" Lyra insisted, her salty disposition warping her words.
"Wuv."
"Luv!"
"Wuv."
"Loooovee!" Lyra drew out the middle bit to be sure.
Luna blinked, then took a moment to 'contemplate'. Then… "but I already said I wuved you?"
"Grrrrr!" Lyra growled, and Lemy looked a little uncomfortable. "LUV!"
"Wuv."
"Luv!"
"Wuv!"
"LUV!"
"Luv."
"Wuv- no!" Lyra blinked. "Luv! Love!"
But it was too late, "nah, I think you're right." Luna 'conceded' with a smile, and planted another kiss on Lyra's sweaty forehead. "I wuv you too Lyra."
"ARGRGHHH!" The tiny tot raged and fidgeted in her mother's arms.
But while Luna trolled her toddler, there a balance in harmony on the other side of the room. There, gathered around a dollhouse that had once belonged to Lori, Leni, Lola and Lily before finally going to the attic, only to be pulled out to duty once more; a brood of children played dollies together in varying states of co-operation.
The closest to the dollhouse were Lyle and Liena, as to be expected given that they were the ones who made the most use of the thing.
"Hello cook!" Lyle's hand brought in a purple elf with absurdly long hair into the dollhouse's kitchen. "What are yu making?"
Liena's hand turned her bright green troll with an apron (made just for it by Mommy!), and she made it jump twice.
"Two Hambugers?" 'The Elf' gasped. "Can I have one?"
The Troll tilted back and forth.
"Pretty please?" The Elf lay upon the ground like he was begging. "I so hungry and will make you a cake later!"
The Troll jumped up once.
"Yay!"
While the two played in rotating shifts of chef and customer, today they were joined by the small army that was Luan Loudstein's progeny.
The oldest were a few months ahead of Liena and Lyle themselves, a pair of twins by the names of Leah and Lara. Leah bore her mother's appearance at that age, though her expression was oddly stoic for a toddler- Lara meanwhile was a cheerful girl with bright green eyes and very clearly took after her often-excitable mother's spirit if not her features, sharing only her mother's light brunette hair.
These two shared a rare distinction, not only were they exogamous; they weren't of Lincoln Loud's seed at all.
Indeed, the two had been naturally conceived by Benny and Luan just a few months before The Funtime Machine Incident, and their many sisters only followed after their mother had foolishly dared a poke from the machine after rationalising that *surely* after months of storage, there was no chance any sperm would have survived.
It was a rare case that the family collectively agreed that the resulting impregnation was decidedly the mother's fault rather than Lisa or Lincoln's.
Nonetheless, five more little girls (identical save for nametags sewn into their yellow onesies and some dots discreetly tattooed under their big toes whose number matched their birth order) sat nearby, playing with the various other dolls and odd toys that had been hastily pressed back into service.
Leta, Liby, Lila, Laia and Luana (because Luan was apparently out of creativity that day) busily played with the odd assortment of toys and tracks, combining armless plastic dolls and brightly coloured pony plushes with faded Ace Savvy figurines (that Lincoln had once sworn would be valuable until he realised everyone else was doing the same thing sometime around his mid-teens) to make some weird story that was possibly about magical horses using the power of love to make supervillains stop stealing princess' body parts.
Of course, it was a little hard to keep playing because they didn't have any of the original body parts of their dollies lying around, but Leah was a smart girl so she found some spare action-figure arms from the toybox that had round parts to fit in the arm holes- so the dollies got to go into bodybuilding like Auntie Lynn at the end of their story!
Of course, they were not the only ones who had a story that had ended- but since playtime was still going, they got to keep going too!
In the cardboard castle, Lulu the mighty dragon had been beaten up and put in jail by two mean Knights! They stood atop the castle and marched around to make sure no one could get in and let Lulu free, and they were very good at their jobs.
So much that Lulu had gone to sleep. Because she knew she'd never get out.
But all was not lost!
"Hey yu!"
Lops the gasped and looked down to see two Princesses in dresses. "Oh, you majesties! Why are you here?"
"To save the Dragon!" Leia stomped. "Let her go!"
"NEVAR!" Lizy cackled with a big smile, then looked down with an evil face. "We make her boil bath!"
"That not too bad," Londey mumbled, being of the rare sort of child who didn't entirely mind baths.
But Lizy was evil beyond words, and she drew in a breath to clarify her vile intentions; "FOREAVR!"
"Oh no!" Londey gasped, "let her go! You horrible!"
"Yea!" Lops agreed, and pulled out her plastic knife to show off. "You get cold baths forever!"
"No!" Leia stamped her foot again, and reached under her dress- to pull out one of Aunt Lynn's old foam-dart guns! She could barely hold it with both her hands even though it was the smallest one she could find, but she pointed at the Knights anyway. "Yu get cold bath!"
"Oh shit!" Lops gasped, dropping her knife in horror. "She have gun!"
"What was that?" Dad's voice cut through the background noise.
"Nothing!" Lops squeaked, knowing that if she got caught saying naughty words again, she'd get time out for an hour.
"Okay, make sure it stays that way!" Dad grumbled as he came back to the room.
But for all his displeasure at hearing Lops spreading swears to the other children, Lincoln Loud was finally feeding the three least co-operative (for today) of his many, many, many children. The three smaller children were off to their sleeping pods (since they still needed more rest than their older siblings) and Lincoln was finally free…
To question what the hell Lyra's face was doing.
In the corner of the room, next to a screen and some discarded plastic controllers shaped like instruments, the Loud/Sharps had been set up for a bit of fun. But as Lincoln made his way over, he found that instead of playing together, Luna had apparently instead opted to hug Lyra from behind and mutter something he couldn't quite make out while Lyra squirmed and raged with the weirdest expression he'd ever seen her make.
Her eyes seemed wider than usual, and her mouth was all but a flat oval exposing her two teeth and gums. He couldn't quite place it, but she seemed somewhere between shock, anger and sheer bewilderment as she screeched something he couldn't make out in the background din.
"What the heck…?" He murmured in confusion.
"It's a meme." Lincoln jumped, and turned to see Lisa calmly making a note on her tablet.
"E-excuse me?" Lincoln looked between Lisa and Lyra's face.
"A unit of culture," Lisa clarified, looking up as she finished her note to lecture him. "In this case; a facial expression that S-7 has adopted. Currently S-7 and her fellow subjects are at a developmental stage where they are absorbing and integrating social data to create their own personas, recently she witnessed S-3-"
"You mean… Leia?" Lincoln clarified, not having memorised the full expansive codes for his absurd number of children just yet.
"Indeed." Lisa confirmed, then continued. "Leia appears to have originated the expression upon experiencing severe consternation during an incident with S-18- Lupa, after which various other subjects adopted the expression themselves in the same way as any other learnt body language."
"Oh…" Lincoln shook his head. "I just thought it might be because Luna makes weird faces too."
"Luna likely contributed to the adoption of the meme in multiple ways." Lisa dryly summarised. "I would suggest that you intervene within the next two minutes however."
"What, why?"
"Because I estimate that S-7 is approximately eighty seconds away from defecating in sheer frustration." Lisa pushed up her glasses with distaste.
"Wha-" Lincoln's eyes darted to Lyra, and sure enough her cheeks were rapidly reddening. "Shoot, I'll handle it."
Lisa 'hmmd', but said nothing as Lincoln made his way over.
Sam was sitting nearby of course, her arms now filled with a slightly perturbed Lemy and a blissfully unaware Lina blabbing nonsense roughly in tune with her other mother's murmurs and Lyra's sharp snaps. Evidently Sam had felt the need to contain the oncoming chaos, yet remained close enough to watch her wife with amusement at the unfolding events.
"…uv!" Lincoln caught part of the last word Lyra issued, and found himself staring at an entirely too cheerful Luna and decidedly less so Lyra.
"Hey Bruv!" Luna nodded to him, before taking a moment to kiss the top of Lyra's head, which paradoxically made the little girl squirm and fidget some more. "Ahhh, just havin' some fun with the kiddos. You done with lunch?"
"More or less," Lincoln assessed the tangle of parent and child before him once more, trying to determine how to avoid the oncoming disaster. A quick thought flickered across his mind, and he knelt down to look at Lyra directly, "and how are you Lyra? Is Mommy behaving herself?"
Luna pouted as Lyra glared up, "no! She being brat!"
Lincoln winced slightly as the sheer venom in the little girl's words, but maybe he could still salvage the situation if he could understand it a little better After all, once upon a time he'd been the mediator/stress ball that stopped most of the sisters' disputes (why yes Lori and the rest of the big sisters, feel free to act like petulant children so an eleven year old has to develop manipulation tactics just to get to school on time!), it only followed that he'd serve in the same role when said sisters reverted to their childhood antics.
"Okay Lyra…" Lincoln used his best soothing tone, and reached out to gently stroke her hair. "How's Mommy being a brat?"
But before Lyra could speak up-
"I wuv her." Luna's grinned, and she cuddled the steaming toddler closer. "I wuv her with all my heart!"
"Argghhhh!" Lyra's face went red again, and Lincoln looked to Sam in confusion.
The Blonde Woman just shook her head, and bit down on her lower lip to hold in her laughter. There'd be no help from Sam Sharp.
"H-Hey Lincoln?" Luna's voice drew his eyes back to the entwined duo, with the Cheshire-grinning form of Luna now pressing the side of her face to Lyra's little head. Her eyes sparkled with something dangerous, and Lincoln's old instincts warned him there was a trap ahead. "What about you?"
Lyra's eyes widened for a second, then glared at her father. "No."
Alas, Lincoln was sleep deprived, and even if he hadn't been he still would've needed a moment to put it together. "Yeah?"
"Do you wuv Lyra too?" Luna turned to kiss said girl's head again. "I know I do!"
Lincoln felt a bead of sweat form on his temple as Lyra's gaze all but burned through him. Something told him he needed to be very careful about what he said next… "… I…"
Obviously, something had set Lyra off.
But he couldn't imply that he didn't love one of his kids- especially at this age.
"I… love you Lyra." He smiled down, careful with his words. "Just like all you kids."
He waited a moment to see the result, still feeling a metaphorical trap's tripwire on him.
Lyra, for her part, still had narrowed and suspicious eyes at him, but didn't seem any angrier. She seemed to be waiting for something…
"But do you wuv her?" Luna insisted, "and Lemy and Lina? You can't not wuv them Lincoln!"
"Uhhh…" Lincoln's eyes darted to Sam, and the two children kept safe from Lyra's struggle in her arms.
Lemy looked mildly confused. Lina was too small to really understand either way.
Sam was still silently having the time of her life.
And Lincoln felt that tripwire press into him, feeling a dread akin to a solider knowing he's stepped on a mine it was only a matter of time before he slipped and set it off.
Said mine in this case being the clearly upset little girl that was Luna's eldest glaring up at him. He glanced at her, and he could feel her frustration rising to the surface. Knowing she was going to blow any second either way, Lincoln opted for assurance.
He crouched down further, to the point where he and Lyra were almost eye level- stretched out his hand to gently stroke the free side of her head, and injected his soothing voice with all the sincerity he could muster;
"Oh, of course I wuv you guys!" He positively cooed, "I wuv you more than comics even!"
He gave his best winning smile to seal the deal.
"RRRWAAGHHH!" Lyra screamed in rage, and burst out of Luna's grip with shocking force. Lincoln's face froze, but he instinctively moved to catch his daughter before she fell and hurt herself with hands-
That Lyra nimbly dodged to land on stumbling legs. The scorned child glared up once more at the parent who stood before her with the kind of hate only a bitter toddler could muster…
Whap
Lincoln blinked at the sound, and blinked again as he registered where it came from. Namely Lyra's little fist slamming into his crotch with all the force her body could bring to bear.
Which admittedly wasn't much, but was surprisingly quite a bit more than one would expect.
"Oh…" Lincoln stared down, "that's um…"
The pain had yet to start in full force, but he could tell that she's done her best to make her displeasure known.
Really, it was going to be impressive in about five seconds.
"I HATE YU!" Lyra screeched, and stomped away, the adults too stunned to stop her.
"God da-dang it Luna!" Lincoln wheezed slightly and let himself drop to his backside so he could clutch at his bruised boys. "What did you do?"
Luna shrugged in seeming wordless obviousness, but the way her cheeks bulged betrayed a complicit laughter. Behind him he could hear Sam's barely repressed snickers, but even as he turned to glare at her, he felt a little tug on his shirt sleeve.
He looked down to find that Lemy had apparently escaped Sam's grasp, and was making his way around to his father's front. Instinctively, Lincoln scooted back a little- not wanting to see if Lemy would follow in his sister's footsteps.
But he had nothing to fear as Lemy stopped, knelt down, and gently pressed his hands on top of Lincoln's that were already protecting his abused gonads. He looked up with a serious expression. "I sorry Dad. Lyra mean."
"… Yep." Lincoln couldn't exactly deny that, this being the second time his naughty bits had been so battered by the tenacious tot.
"But that okay." Lemy's expression firmed up in determination, and he spoke with all the best words he could remember from Auntie Lisa's classes to make sure Dad knew he was serious. "I promise I protect your penis from now on!"
There was a moment of silence through the room, even the other kids stopping as the adults paused to look on in disbelief at what they had just heard. But there he was, Lemy Loud apparently clutching at his father's naughty bits with all the solemn sincerity of a knight swearing an oath of solidarity.
Lincoln's mouth twitched as he took in the absurdly resolute expression upon his son's little face. Part of him wanted to laugh, another was just happy Lemy cared, but most of him was utterly mortified- for he knew that neither he nor Lemy would ever be allowed to live this moment down.
And as he took in Lemy's firm expression… he couldn't bear to bear his little heart by rejecting his earnest offering.
"T-thanks son," Lincoln gave a shaky smile. "I know I can count on you."
He pulled out one of his hands from under Lemy's to ruffle his poofy hair, and ignored the sudden wave of noise as the adult sisters collectively howled with laughter.
A/N:
Special thanks to Nuuo for Beta reading.
I honestly just felt like writing something sweet and silly after finishing up a big planning project recently, and Baby Boogaloo was perfect for that. Playtime actually has a second part to it that will be coming along in time and was going to just be one chapter, but it's already quite large already and this seemed like a fun place to leave it for now.