Weirder Things: Patrick's Camera
Chapter 4: The Scrapbook
Patrick Pines was now 20 years old and was sitting on a sofa near the fire pit of his parent's house. The fire was burning brightly and making the room a nice and comfortable warm temperature. He was visiting his parents after finishing his spring semester, something he always did before he traveled all the way back to Gravity Falls for the Summer. And he wasn't alone when he came to visit. Wendy, his long-time girlfriend, came with him. Being accepted into the same university, they lived together in the same dorm as if they were a married couple.
At that moment, she was taking a shower. At first, Patrick was worried about Wendy staying with him, but his parents and little sister adored the lumberjack girl, so they didn't mind her sleeping over.
He was tempted to sneak upstairs to join his lover for some sexy shower time when he saw something out of the corner of his eye. It was his little sister, Sally Pines, who was no more than 4 years old. She walked into the living room in her pajamas. She saw her big brother smiling as he looked over a scrapbook.
"Big brother?" She asked, walking into the room.
Patrick looked up and smiled seeing his little sister. "Oh, yeah, Sally. What are you doing here?" He asked.
"I was wondering what you were doing," she said, walking over to the chair. Seeing this, Patrick closed the book and stood up. He helped her get on the chair and sat her down.
"I was just looking over some photos I had taken over the years," he said, placing the scrapbook on her lap and opening it. "There's a lot of good memories from the summer you were born. Other than seeing you, of course." Sally giggled at that. He turned the page to show pictures of when he and the twins battled Jeff and his gnomes after he tried to kidnap Mabel and tried making her his bride. "That was when we battled an army of gnomes."
"Cool!" Sally said with a big smile. She turned the page and gushed when she saw a photo of Mabel looking at a cute baby cow. "Aaaaw, she's cute!"
"That was when we shoved the mystery of Gravity Falls' town founder," Patrick said. Sally turned the page, and the young man laughed when he saw the next series of photos. "Oh, that's when we won that dog sled race against that space lizard!"
"Why did you do that?" She asked.
"Eh…you'd have to be there to understand," Patrick stated, shaking his head.
Sally turned the page and was confused by what she saw. "Uh, Patrick, what's this?" She asked, pointing to one of the photos.
Patrick leaned in to see what she was talking about and was a little surprised. "I haven't told you about when we went to the petting zoo?" When Sally shook her head, Patrick smiled and decided to go ahead and fix that. "Well, it all began one fateful day…"
On that fateful Summer day, Patrick was with his girlfriend, Wendy, and the rest of his family in Gravity Falls, along with Soos. Stan said it was to see a new attraction and to support his neighbor. However, Patrick and Veronica knew that had to be a lie. He was likely scoping out the competition to see if he could sabotage Farmer Sprott. Holding Wendy's hand in one hand, he held a camera in the other and took pictures of every animal they passed.
Wearing an odd sweater with a piece of sushi on it, Mabel pointed at every animal. "I'm gonna pet you, I'm gonna pet you, wow! You better believe I'm gonna pet you!" She said to a baby goat, a duck, and a lamb.
But as Patrick turned his camera to capture a picture of the next animal, he stopped and did a double take. He blinked before lowering his camera down to see what it was for himself. Sure enough, standing in a wooden pin was a seemingly non-exceptional white cow, with large brown eyes and long eyelashes, and two stubby horns. She also had a large pink udder.
However, that's not what made him stop. What did was that Octavia, as the banner over her said her name was, had three crooked and unused legs growing out of her back and one growing out of her side. Giving her a total of 8 legs.
"What the hell?" He asked as he and Wendy stared at Octavia in astonishment. When the others looked, they too were in shock.
"Good lord, what is that?" Veronica asked, cupping her mouth with her hand.
"I don't know, but more limbs means more hugs!" Mabel exclaimed, excitedly running up to Octavia with her brother in tow. Everyone else joined them by walking.
"Wow! I didn't think nature would allow this!" Dipper said.
"Yeah!" Stan said, turning to Sprott, who was leaning on the wall of his barn. "Pig farmer! What gives?"
"Octavia? Well, she's just another blessin' from the toxic flood running off the Mud Flat factory," Sprott said, pointing back at the Northwest Mud Flat factory behind him. The factory had a pipe that was spilling toxic waste into the lake, poisoning it. One of the farmer's goats drank from the toxic river, which caused it to grow another head. Then it fell over and died.
Walking up to the mutant cow, Mabel laughed as Octavia licked her face. "I could pet this cow forever!" she said, gently petting Octavia's head.
Sprott then said, "Well, get your pettin' done now 'cause I'm gonna eat 'er come cow eatin' season."
This made everyone, except Sprott, gasp in shock. "What?!" Mabel screamed.
"Is that even safe?" Veronica asked, already making a mental note to have the factory investigated by the Environmental Protection Agency.
"I can see where he's coming from," Stan said, pointing to the cow. "He wants to eat the freak to gain its mutant powers. I respect that."
The group started to walk away, but Mabel didn't. She couldn't believe that Octavia was going to be eaten, and she had to do something. "Grunkle Stan! We can't let Octavia be eaten!" She begged her uncle.
"Come on, Mabel! Cows are delicious!" Stan said.
"But we love her!" Mabel cried, hugging Octavia's nose.
Stan looked at Mabel as she started petting Octavia again. The conman then looked at Sprott far away. The farmer was holding up two burger buns and held them in front of him while imagining Octavia as a hamburger. At first, he was conflicted on what to do, that is until Octavia licked Stan. He sighed. He's committed every petty crime in the book, what's one more?
"Warm up the truck." He relented. Everyone but Stan cheered.
"But how do we get her out?" Wendy asked.
That's when Patrick smirked. "I've got an idea."
Patrick, Wendy, the twins, and Stan waited until the Sprott closed down the Petting Zoo. He looked to see the sign for the zoo with a smaller sign under it saying "CLOSED". As he and the others waited in hiding behind piles of hay, Patrick waited until the last people were out of the petting zoo. He then looked to the truck, which had Veronica behind the wheel and Soos sitting on the roof.
He gave Soos the hand signal, and his plan was put into motion. Soos pulled out his phone and called the farmer.
In his house, Sprott's very old-style phone rang on the wall. He walked up to it and picked up the hearing piece to answer the call. "Howdy!"
"Hey! I'm calling from 'Pictures of Tractors Monthly'! Please hold for an important message," Soos said to the farmer and started playing on a little organ and singing. "Da-ra-ta-ra-to! Ta-ra-ta-pa-da-ba-bo! This is definitely a real message."
As Soos continued playing, he looked in through the window of Sprott's farmhouse to see the man still on the phone.
At the same time, Patrick, Wendy, Dipper, Mabel, and Stan loaded Octavia on the back of the truck. Once the tailgate was closed, Patrick and his girlfriend stayed in the back with the cow, as there was no more room in the truck. Dipper, Mabel, Soos, and Stan then entered the truck, and Veronica slammed on the pedal. The tires of the truck shrieked against the ground before it drove. However, this was heard by Sprott, who looked out the window to see the theft of his cow/dinner.
"They're stealin' Octavia! Emmit! D'Shawn! Close the gate!" He ordered his sons. Emmit pulled a handle under the sign that read 'GATE.'
As Veronica drove the truck towards the exit, the gate suddenly shut. She gasped and made a sharp turn to the left, smashing through a fence and driving into a sheep pen.
"Sheep! Dodge! Dodge!" Mabel yelled and pointed ahead as Veronica dodged a few sheep while driving.
"How do we get out?!" Stan yelled.
Wendy looked around before seeing something that caught her attention. "Look!" She yelled, pointing at something.
Veronica turned her head to see a ramp that led off the farmer's land. "Brace yourselves!" She yelled, turning the truck towards the ramp.
Everyone screamed in the vehicle as they drove onto the ramp and jumped over some hay and the fence. The truck landed on a dirt road and drove off.
Emmit and D'Shawn waved their fists in anger and grunted. Their father, Sprott, just said, "Serves me right for buildin' an escape ramp."
Once the gang reached the outskirts of the woods, the truck stopped. Together, they unloaded the rescued cow from the back of the truck.
"Goodbye, Octavia. Here's a little something to remember us by," Mabel said, nodding to her Grunkle. Stan pulled out a Mystery Shack sticker from his suit and slapped it on her. He then slapped her on the back, prompting Octavia to move forward. Walking away as the gang waved and said their goodbyes.
"She was alright for a mutant," Stan said, watching Octavia eating grass sweetly.
However, that statement was ultimately destroyed the moment a hawk passed by. All of a sudden, Octavia looked up at the bird and shot green lasers from her eyes. Burning and killing the bird. It fell to the ground, and Octavia stuck her mutated long tongue out, wrapping it around the charred neck of the hawk and pulled it towards her mouth. Once she had it, the cow aggressively ate the bird.
To say that this terrified the gang would be an understatement. Especially Patrick and Wendy, who were with the cow during the escape. In the end, it was Stan that said, "Run."
"...So, that was a fun day," Patrick said, smiling as he sat in the chair with his little sister sitting on his knee.
"So what happened to Octavia," Sally asked innocently. "Did she have a happy life?"
"Honestly, we're not sure what happened to her," Patrick said, shrugging. "But for our sake, let's hope she doesn't reproduce. But now it's time for you to go to sleep."
"Aw, but I'm not…" Sally yawned loudly. "...tired. Please? Can you tell me another story?"
"Okay, one more story. But then it's off to bed for you," Patrick said, opening the scrapbook to a random page. Seeing what page he landed on, Patrick smiled. "Ah, here's a good memory. That one time we all went to the movies to see Pony Heist…"
After closing down the Mystery Shack, the Pines family walked to the Ragtime Theatre together. Mabel was the most excited to go, as the movie Pony Heist had just come out. Patrick was indifferent to the movie but was willing to go to make Mabel happy.
Purchasing the tickets for the movie, Stan walked back to the twins, Patrick, and Veronica. "Twelve bucks a ticket? Pony Heist better be the best movie ever made!" Stan complained after handing the tickets to the kids.
Patrick chuckled and said, "Oh, Stan. We're not here to watch the movie. We're here to roast the movie."
"I wrote a list of hilarious jokes to yell out during the movie," said Mabel, pulling out a list. She then read one of the jokes. "Pony Heist? More like BALONEY Heist! Right?" No one laughed, so Mabel pointed to something. "This guy gets me!"
She was pointing to a cardboard cut-out of Laughter Fox 2, with the character saying, "This time…it's FURSONAL!"
"Eh, the books was better," said Patrick.
Together, he, Dipper, Mabel, Stan, and Veronica entered the cinema and chanted "Movies" along the way. Patrick threw the tickets at his friend Lee, who was sleeping behind the front podium. Turned out that after he and Nate lost their jobs at the TV Store Warehouse, they were able to get a job at the theater.
However, as they passed the snack bar, a candy bar fell out of Mabel's sweater. It was a Nyumalums bar, something that the theater didn't sell. This was something that Thompson, who walked past them while wearing a theater uniform, noticed. He gasped and dropped his clipboard, before rushing over and picking it up.
"Hey, you stop!" He yelled at the Pines. "There is no outside food or drink allowed in the theater!"
"Thompson, come on, it's just one candy," Patrick argued.
"Yeah! I wanna talk to the manager!" Stan said, speaking the dreaded words that all employees never wish to hear. Especially from a Karen. But this had no effect on Thompson because of one key issue.
"I AM the manager! Your family is banned!"
Kicked out of the threater, the Pines sat on the pavement looking miserable. "Note to self: Pants Thompson in front of the others," Patrick said, frowning.
"No ponies…" Mabel moaned. "No explosions…"
That's when Veronica stood up with a determined glare. "Welp, we can either go home and watch boring old TV, or we can do what we came here to do! I've got a plan to break in."
Everyone gathered in a circle as she explained her plan to them.
With everyone in on the plan, they set it into motion. First, they need to create a distraction for Nate and Lee. So, Stan walked up to the closed emergency exit door. He knelt down and examined the lock. This would require him to use his incredible lock-picking skills to break in. Luckily for him, he knew one way that always worked.
He smashed the lock with a rock.
Stan opened the door and walked in. Spotting Lee and Nate working in the cinema, he called out to them. "Hey, suckers!" He said, before mockingly dancing at them. Seeing them running at him, Stan quickly rushed off with them chasing after him.
With Stan's diversion a success, Patrick and Veronica, who were dressed as loaders, entered with a trolley with a box on it. They walked up to a computer, and Dipper jumped out of the box. The next step was to get Thompson away from the snack stand.
Fortunately, Dipper had his ways.
Selecting one of the titles that were playing, Dipper changed the title "Monkey Business 2" to "Thompson drinks popcorn butter." He hit enter, and the title appeared over the first set of doors leading to the first theater. It didn't take long for Thompson to see this.
"What? No, I don't!" He yelled, running off the fix this seemingly blatant lie.
This gave Mabel just enough time to do her part. Jumping out of the box as well, she rushed over to the slushy dispenser. Lifting up the top of it, the girl jumped in and started rubbing the syrup all over herself. "This is my favorite part!"
"Hey!" She gasped when she heard Thompson coming back.
Rounding the corner, he looked towards the slushy dispenser. Seeing the hand prints on the top, he got suspicious. So, he walked over and opened the bucket, expecting to see Mabel.
However, she was gone.
What he didn't know was that Mabel had gotten out at the last second and was now using the syrup to crawl on the ceiling. Out of sight, she headed to the ventilation bars. But not before stopping to pick up a gummy bear stuck onto the ceiling and then eating it. She entered the ventilation ducts and crawled down it.
A minute later, she kicked the ventilation bars out and saw her family waiting for her. She signaled them to enter.
Together, they crawled through the vents before reaching their destination; the screening room for Pony Heist. Patrick pushed open the ventilation bars in the room and lowered down a rope. The gang slid down the rope into the screening room and ran to the glass wall with wide open smiles as the previous ended.
"And the movie should be starting in 3...2…1," Veronica said, just before the title of the movie came on. They all cheered together and then sat down on the red couch in the room.
Together, the family watched the movie, and a pink and purple pony started to run toward each other. The narrator said, "But the ponies are filled with—TNT!" Just then, the two ponies crash into each other and explode.
The Pines family laughed at that. They've seen many bad movies—Patrick especially—but this was something else. Remembering her list, Mabel brought out her "Pony Heist jokes" page. Walking to the open wind, she read it out loud for the crowd.
"'Pony Heist'? More like BALONEY-Heist! Am I right?!" She yelled. That definitely got the whole crowd laughing, enjoying the joke more than the actual movie.
"A good plan and a good joke? This turned out to be pretty good," Stan said as Dipper and Mabel high-fived each other.
Patrick looked up at a TV screen that showed security footage and laughed out loud. "Not at good as that!" He exclaimed, pointing at the screen.
Turned out Dipper was right. On the screen, they saw Thompson drinking a huge bottle of popcorn butter. That made the family laugh hysterically, and Patrick took a picture with his camera. "Oh, I'm definitely showing that to Wendy."
"That was definitely one of the best movie experiences that I ever had, even though the movie was terrible. We were banned, of course, but Thompson also got fired from the job," Patrick said.
However, he stopped when he heard snoring sounds. Patrick looked down to see his sister was fast asleep. Cuddled up in his lap. Smiling, Patrick set the scrapbook down and picked her up. "And they all lived happily ever after," he said, ending storytime for the young girl.
Giving the sleeping girl a piggyback ride, Patrick walked up the stairs of his family home and walked Sally to her bedroom. Placing her down on her bed, he removed her slippers and tucked her into bed. Patrick gave her a peck on the head, before leaving the room.
He left the room and closed the door. However, as he walked back to his room, Patrick noticed that the shower wasn't running and that the door was open. He looked around for Wendy, before walking into his room.
That's where he found Wendy, laying on his bed on her side, her head on her hand, and her other hand on her bare thigh. She was only wearing her flannel shirt that was halfway buttoned up and her panties. "Hey there, stud," she said, giving him bedroom eye.
"Hello there," Patrick said with a smirk, doing his best Obi-Wan voice. Closing the door behind him, he walked over to the bed. "You just got out of the shower?"
"Nah, I was waiting for you to be down with Sally," she said, scooting back to let Patrick get on the bed with her. Her boyfriend laid down and stared lovingly into her eyes. "So, what did your parents say?"
"Well, they thought it would be a great idea for Sally to come to Gravity Falls with us," Patrick said, playing with a lock of Wendy's red hair between his fingers. "Though, I think it's because they want to have the house to themselves for the summer. We'll just have to keep an eye on her if that's okay with you."
"Yeah, man. I love your little sister," Wendy said, excited to have Sally come with them to her hometown. She cupped Patrick's face and the two made out for a moment. Wendy then gave her lover a sultry smile while unbuttoning her shirt. "So, you want to finish where we left off?"
"Is that even a question?" Patrick asked, smirking with a raised eyebrow.
Luckily Patrick was able to make his bedroom soundproof a year early for this kind of event.
AN: This is the end of the Gravity Falls shorts, but we've got one more chapter to go. And believe me, if you're a fan of Patrick Pines, you're not gonna want to miss it. It's a chapter that many of you have been wanting to see, and now, your wish will be fulfilled.
Stay tone.