Chapter 26: Mexico, Part Two

The next few days were spent playing with Miguel. Alex had even helped him with a minor and fairly harmless prank on some of the guards. Antonio had been amused but scolded them for distracting the security. Miguel seemed to enjoy his company but didn't really exhibit any weird behavior again. Maybe he was just really lonely, with a slightly warped perspective on human relationships? Hopefully. He was so not in the mood to deal with another possessive sociopath in his life. Speaking of Yassen, he was even less thrilled about Alex's playdate than Ian was. Alex shuddered to think of what would have happened had he not been on a SCORPIA assignment. He tried not to think about what Yassen was doing with Nile on said assignment. Probably something horrific and bloody. He sighed. Really, he knew why he cared, but it was hard sometimes. Then again, this was the only man who'd even bothered to halfway protect him in all of his operations. It was a bit sad when the assassin had more morals than the intelligence agency. That and a small twisted part of him respected the coldness, the sheer ruthlessness, and worshipped the pure skill in the art and science of killing the man had achieved out of spite. He really was a good assassin. Alex made a mental note to never mention that to Ian. He'd have a fit. He'd also have to go exploring London, even the gritty parts. It paid to know your own home better than its intelligence agency. Escape, allies, distractions, and other things came to mind (cough, starting a bar fight or two, cough). Eventually, his time in the mansion came to an end. Ian and Joe both came to pick him up. The car ride back was filled with an awkward silence. Ian had the steering wheel in a death grip. Joe was clenching and unclenching his left hand. "It wasn't that bad, guys. Really, I got fed and everything and there was no torture involved."

Joe glared daggers at Ian's back. "Oh, that isn't the point, now is it?" Interagency conflict, then. Alex decided not to intervene. The two of them had relaxed slightly, though.

Joe was still glaring at Ian's back as he left each day. He was helping Alex, though. The man claimed he had nothing better to do, but Alex suspected it had something to do with whatever his problem with Ian was. "Dude, what's your problem with Ian? I doubt you normally let the rivalry get this personal."

Joe sighed. "It's not that. He brought you along and he shouldn't have. This could have gone bad really easily."

Alex rolled his eyes. "It really went fine, Joe."

The man groans. "That's not the point. I'm not arguing with you about this, anyway."

Joe grinned suddenly. "Do you want to take a break?" Trying to teach Ian a lesson like this was probably unethical, but he didn't care. Besides, the kid wouldn't be hurt and they were just meeting some old 'buddies' (cough, assets, cough). Alex shrugged. Judging by Joe's shit-eating grin, this was going to be interesting. Besides, if Joe betrayed him, he wouldn't outright kill him, but he knew some very painful shots that were perfectly non-lethal. He packed a few extra rounds. He had no idea of Joe's idea of fun, but Alex figured it was better safe than sorry. The throwing knives he'd found in the basement had to be his father's. Ian hadn't gone near them and said that the other set was perfectly fine. Something about these had called to him and he'd ended up adding them to his personal arsenal. Ian had been rather strict during the knife-throwing lessons, but Alex suspected that was more safety than anything else. Ian had also apparently written a book about the rise and fall of the Cold War and intelligence and criminal organizations. Alex was supposed to read it when they got home. He'd already started it before Ian had given it to him. It was kind of awesome to read, actually.

Alex refocused on the task at hand as they left the apartment. Observation had always served him well in the past. When they got to a seedy-looking part of town, Alex just had to say something. "You get that I'm underage, right?"

Joe smirked. "Like you wouldn't break into whatever you Brits have instead of a liquor cabinet."

Alex snorted. "I'll have you know that was a European invention, you boorish American."

His snark was going to unprecedented levels. "Sure you guys did. I bet you stole it from some poor hardworking businessman in America."

At least Joe was fun to banter with. "Bullshit, Joe. Your history classes in America are bullshit."

Joe groaned. "You remind me of a guy we had back just after the Berlin Wall fell. Agent Odair. Never shut up about how America had nothing original. Pain in the ass. Best and worst operative I've ever had. He once used the rulebook as toilet paper to prove a point. The bravest man I ever knew."

Alex was curious. "What happened to him?"

Joe sighed. "That's the funny thing. There was an explosion and everyone thought he got out ok, but he never showed back up. Dropped off the fucking map. Maybe someone did him in. Maybe he just wanted to retire. Nobody knows. Even the head couldn't find him or a body."

Alex shrugged. It was kind of interesting. "What kind of stuff did he pull?"

Joe suddenly looked much younger. "Oh, you wouldn't believe it. He once made a flamethrower out of a hairdryer and set a mirror on fire. Apparently, one of the mercs we hired pissed him off." Alex started laughing. Joe continued. "Then, he had the gall to try to claim it was an accident, especially after said merc burned off his eyebrows and half his hair during the same incident. I had no proof of anything, so I let him off. But man, that briefing was hard to keep your face blank through."

Alex grinned. "Oh, but Joe, there was no evidence linking him to that fine piece of work."

Joe froze for a minute and his smile turned wistful. "That was almost the exact same thing he said. Anyway, we're here."

It was one of the most obviously seedy bars that Alex had ever seen. Joe had to cut off his memory trip to Odair. Man, he missed that guy. You weren't supposed to have favorite agents- top agents, yes, favorites, never- but Odair was still his. Even after all these years. The man with blond hair and strikingly green eyes had never faded from memory. Joe just wished he had gotten an actual goodbye and not some fucking letter explaining that they would never meet again. Odair had never been afraid to tell the SCORPIA goons to fuck off to their faces. Of course, Odair could actually win in a fight again one or two of 'em, but that was beside the point. Joe blamed Alex for the trip down memory lane, not that he minded. Odair had the very same sense of humor. He had only worked for the CIA for a year or so, but some people were just more strikingly memorable than others. Plus, the guy had been majorly underage when they hired him. Joe had honestly thought it was starvation or something. Didn't the Soviet countries have like a bazillion food shortages? Anyway, they were at the bar. Yes, it was one of the seedier areas, but it was one of the few places that were 'neutral' in the city. Mind you, it only applied to inside the bar. Once you were out the door, you were on your own.

Joe opened the door and made a beeline for a table with three operatives. Alex could tell just by looking that they had all been trained at some point. They weren't CIA per say. Maybe they were Joe's old sources? Alex doubted Joe would let him near anything current unless he'd seriously misjudged the man. Joe actually seemed to object to his presence. Alex didn't blame him, but at least he was nice about it, unlike some soldiers. Joe was introduced the four of them. "Janet, Amun, and Lana meet Alex."

The women examined Alex, while Amun was more direct. "They get younger every year, don't they Joe?"

Alex had enough of a sore spot about his age, thank you. "I'm sure it's your undying pleasure to meet me to, nursing home."

The man grinned. "Are you in any way related to a guy who calls himself Odair?"

Alex sighed. "Nope, sorry. Besides, both of my parents are dead."

Amun sighed. "Damn. I miss that guy. I was hoping someone found him after all these years. It was just the sort of retort he'd have."

Alex sighed. That Odair guy was starting to sound like the CIA John Rider, except AWOL. "So what did all of you do, when you were in your prime?" They all grinned.

Janet went first. "I was Joe's secretary. I also did a lot of analyst work."

Amun shrugged. "I was in finance and occasionally a technical specialist. More that I'm good with computers."

Lana was last. "I taught languages and did occasional undercover work, nothing major."

Alex didn't think those sounded like particularly trying jobs. "So why'd you quit?"

Amun shrugged. "We couldn't go back to the old CIA stuff after Odair. It just didn't work for any of us. We all left and did our own little search and then we just stayed here, in hopes he'd turn up someday."

Alex thought it all sounded rather sad. "So do you have any stories? Joe said that guy liked to be funny."

Amun actually looked alive for a few seconds. "Oh yeah, let me tell you about the time he dressed up in drag. In those days, it just wasn't done, ya know…" Alex smirked. This had to be good.

A few hours later, Alex had a bunch of brand new stories to put in his journal. He was pretty sure absolutely none of them were remotely age-appropriate. As a teenager mentally, he could appreciate them in their full R and X rated glory. Odair would have been his kind of guy. Pranks, outrageous behavior, pissing off Blunt and what he was pretty sure was the earlier version of SCORPIA. Damn, he was shocked nobody sectioned or fired the guy. After all, who did all that? He guessed it was more like the man never failed. Hence, he got loads of latitude. A lot like him, actually. Alex remembered at least two occasions where he'd injured the Prime Minister. Joe had enjoyed reminiscing with his ex-colleagues. Jesus, he sounded eighty. The kid had seemed right at home with a bunch of old geezers, who had apparently decided to throw age-appropriate out the window. Never mind propriety. For a Brit, Alex was not at all stiff. He'd even told a few of his own prank stories. Some kid named Tom had been involved. It was stuff that'd get you a fine at most, but it sounded like the shit he used to have to fill out paperwork for with Odair. Dear Jesus, it was like every pore of the guy existed to give him the paperwork. Joe had actually tallied up the numbers one day. Millions of dollars in property damage. The amount of ink and paper alone added a few extra thousand on to that. Joe had spent almost three working years filling out paperwork for it and he had been deputy director then, so that cost money. That wasn't even mentioning the amount of crap he'd destroyed on-mission. The man had loved his explosions. Man, not a boy. Even though he was young, Joe considered him a full agent and a man. He'd done the work of one certainly. Frankly, Joe missed the competence and the amazing lack of complaints. Alex just reminded him of Odair sometimes, especially with that shit-eating grin he sometimes got and the banter, nobody bickered like Odair, except Alex.

When they got back to the house, Ian still wasn't back. Joe sighed. "Does he do this shit a lot?"

Alex rolled his eyes. "Nope. I usually get a different babysitter."

Joe sighed. "Do you want to keep going in your languages or have you had enough?"

Alex gave the man his best innocent look. "Keep going. Know anything rude in either Pashto or Dari?"

Joe snorted. "Some things never change." There was a pause. "I think we can do that. Now…"

Alex was having fun learning a new language. It was almost as fun as talking to Yassen. Joe really wasn't that bad. I mean, he isn't a friggin' girl scout, but he was nowhere near Blunt. Alex was actually happy for most of the evening. Eventually, they ran out of fun little phrases to say. "Tea, Joe?"

Joe sighed, just when he forgot he was speaking to a Brit. "Why not?"

Alex grinned. "No snarky comment?"

Joe snorted. "Everything about brits and tea is taken."

Alex plopped the mug down in front of him. "Sure Joe, just keep telling yourself that every time you run out of comebacks."

Ian chose that moment to open the door. "Getting along, you two?"

Alex shrugged. "Sure."

Ian shut the door. "Don't get too attached. We're leaving tomorrow."

Alex sighed. "Gee thanks for the advance warning, Ian. I'll pack then."

Alex left the room. Joe just looked at the man. "That was a little harsh, not to mention sudden."

Ian shrugged. "He's my nephew, in case you forgot."

Joe snorted bitterly. "As if I ever could. No good is going to come of dragging a kid into this."

Ian snapped the cabinet door he'd been opening shut. "And I say mind your own business, Joe."

Joe glared at him. "You may be lead in this because of your damn boss, but this is my mission to and I'm not interfering; I'm being a decent human being. Tell me, who the fuck leaves a ten-year-old alone for hours on end? Never mind the drug dealer!"

Ian shrugged. "Regrettable, but Alex can handle it, besides it doesn't happen very often and you were with him most of the time." The two continued.

Alex sighed as he listened to the argument through the door. It wasn't intentional. The walls were really thin. Joe was swearing and Ian had adopted the icy calm that irritated the fuck out of anyone really angry with him. When he was like that, it was like shouting at Blunt. It didn't do you any good and your voice got tired. Luckily, Ian never really shut down like that on him. He packed his bags. Clothes, books, weapons. Ian had given him one of the cases they used to get their weapons past customs. Alex wasn't sure they would be on a plane, but he kept a few harmless looking ones on him, even then. One of his knives turned into a really unique-looking necklace. Some of his poisons looked like or were hidden in everyday objects. Souvenirs. Alex looked at his phones last. Nothing from Tara, Antonio, or Frank. Not that he expected anything, but he checked anyway. He decided to call Jack. Ian had given him a phone. Jones had texted him, but he was in the mood to make her wait. Besides, Jack was more important. She usually stayed up pretty late and got up early, especially during the earlier years.

"Alex?"

Jack's voice filled him with relief. "Yes, Jack. I thought I'd let you know I'm alive or something."

Jack felt her lips twitch. "I'm glad. Your furball is pining for you. He's really sad."

Alex grinned; he was secretly glad his dog missed him. "Is my dog now a metaphor for your emotions?"

Jack's laughter filled his ears. "I wish. That grumpy mutant just got summoned by the sound of your voice you know."

Alex chuckled. "My poor, noble hound. How dare you besmirch his honor?"

Jack snorted. "Noble my ass. He broke into my bedroom."

Alex smirked. "Now do you believe me?"

Jack rolled her eyes. "Yes. I'm locking my door." She wasn't actually, but Alex didn't need to know that.

"Aw, but then you won't be able to enjoy the snuggly goodness."

Jack laughed. "I have to go to bed, Alex."

Alex grinned. "See, he really is nice and warm. Goodnight, Jack."

Jack smiled for the first time in the two weeks Alex was gone. "Goodnight, Alex. Alex sighed with relief as he hung up. She seemed glad to get a call. He thought she might be irritated at the time. Now for Jones.

-A

We thought you might be kidnapped.

-J

Alex was calling bullshit on that. There was no way they hadn't checked the airport footage, with the way Blunt liked to micromanage and nitpick. Plus, they would have tried his phone before now, if that was the case. What on earth could Jones possibly want? He was ten and not her employee.

-J

Nope, Jonesie. Not unless you count my own guardian. Why are you really texting? We both know full well you checked the footage or there'd be a manhunt.

-A

It was worth a try. Plus, Alex Rider was more likely to give something away than his uncle. Jones was wondering why Ian was taking him on 'trips' again. Frankly, the pattern of changes and the amount of criminals that came out of the works for Alex was alarming. Not to mention, Sarov, the paranoid Russian bastard, seemed to actually like him for some odd reason. Meanwhile, she had a reputation to maintain. Women had enough difficulties being taken seriously in intelligence and the military.

-A

Always good to double check. And never call me that in public.

-J

Alex grinned. Irritating the deputy heads of intelligence agencies was a fun, if unsafe, hobby. Besides, Jones and Byrne were way too easy to get a rise out of. Honestly, it was like the last few years really sucked the life out of them, the last time. Joe and Ian were still arguing. Alex sighed and decided to say goodbye to Joe after Ian went to his room.

-J

Why not? It's fun. I could come up with something much more embarrassing.

-A

Alex and his uncle had way too much in common. She wanted at least the majority of Rider men to take her seriously (her authority, at least). Besides, Alex needed to learn that angering the home office was a bad idea. Blunt would have probably had him sectioned if he hadn't acted seriously during questioning. Jones would be the first to admit that intelligence agents occasionally abused their power.

-A

And I could severely limited your future job options to janitor or sewage worker, but I'm not going to.

-J

She had a point. But then, Jones could only limit his legal options as Alex Rider. Alex could all too easily become someone else for employment reasons. Alex figured he could go into the fringes of society and move a lot or do contracting for semi-illegal people. For example, he could think of a few private military subsidiaries that wouldn't ask any questions about explosive ordinance they bought.

-J

Point taken. Nighty, night.

-A

Jones was starting to think Alex didn't like them, for whatever reason. Smithers had called him particularly charming, but she supposed that she, Blunt, and Crawley made an intimidating set. That and he didn't seemed to accept any kind of authority. She supposed he was within his rights to dislike them as people, but it was odd considering that their interactions had been mostly neutral (outside circumstances excepted). Still, wouldn't he be more likely to go to them if terrorists kept approaching him?

-A

You do know I'm one of the most powerful people in Britain, right?

-J

Alex knew full well, thank you. He just didn't give much of a shit, unless she used that power to illegally employ him again. Plus, he was going to end up on her shit list eventually, right? His new plan to get rid of corrupt agents would probably not swing well with either side. It was years to come, but eventually he'd probably go down as one of the most notorious murderers on the planet. He supposed his new focus was war strategy (overt and covert), combat, and being able to blend in the maximum number of places. At the moment, he figured Jones needed another reminder.

-J

You do know I'm ten, right? And not your employee. Shouldn't you be going through Ian?

-A

He had a point. She should technically be going through Ian. However, they clearly needed new files on Agent Rider's (now inscrutable) nephew and having material for a high-level analyst to work with was key. It was an odd mix of cooperation and rebellion with him. It was like he was with them on the surface, but his true loyalties were to himself or another higher power. He acted more like one of their blackmail victims than a child of one of their agents. Wouldn't Ian have raised him as a patriot?

-A

I'll wait until you're in a cooperative mood, then.

-J

Alex snorted. He wouldn't ever be in a cooperative mood for MI6, but Jones didn't know that. It was funny how persistent she was being this time. Well, Alex you've already proven yourself to be cool under fire and able to track crooks. It was A COINCIDENCE! MI6 doesn't believe in coincidences. Death! Really now Alex, you'd make a wonderful addition to Special. I'd rather die. On second thought, I'll help if you need it. The paperwork, Alex, the paperwork. Really? And yet, you find time to blurb into my head. Your death is more paperwork than it should be possible to assign. Fine, you know you're amoral when it's the paperwork that drives you to help the kid. Alex, Alex, Alex. You know I don't do things out of the goodness of my heart. Besides, if I was a bleeding heart, we would have the rare suicidal primordial on display at the zoo. You have a zoo? Don't be rude. Nighty, night, Lexi. Alex was left with the urge to strangle a certain someone. He wasn't sure why, no, not at all. The argument seemed to have stopped, if Joe's quieter swearing and Ian's slight door slam was any indication. Alex sighed. He really did like Joe, but knew better to interfere with Ian. Besides, Joe didn't have all the information to make judgements within the first place. Oh well, it wasn't like Joe could do anything anyway. He couldn't interfere with Ian without causing an international incident of massive proportions. Besides, Alex liked Joe enough that he was going to try to keep him off a collision course with Blunt and his ilk. He slipped on his jacket and stepped out to living room. "I still think you're being unreasonable about- Oh, it's you."

Joe changed direction mid-sentence. "Yes, Joe, whatever happened to situational awareness?"

Joe rolled his eyes. The resemblance was almost painful. "Screw you."

Alex grinned. "That's called child abuse, Joe."

Joe snorted. "I came to say goodbye, Joe. It was nice meeting you."

Joe sighed, right he was leaving. "Goodbye."

Joe Byrne hated feeling powerless. He was just going to watch Alex go and there was nothing he could do without causing an international incident. It just wasn't right, taking your kid with you when you did this job. Plus...he'd made the mistake of getting attached. The kid had actually learned from him, joking aside. Dari and Pashto. Why on earth would he be teaching a kid that? Alex had been extraordinarily attentive. Most junior operatives wouldn't have the same laser-like focus. Then again, most junior operatives had a mortgage and bills and a family to worry about (or parents and siblings, at the very least). It was also the sheer difficulty of the languages and the way Alex quickly caught on. It was as though his life depended on learning it all. Then, Alex had saved his life and gone to the drug dealer without a single question. It was like he was already grown, but other times Joe would swear he was five at the maximum. The observation was weird too. Alex took in everything. They had been shot at, for God's sake! Most kids would be crying, wouldn't they? In shock? Had Alex been shot at before? Then, the leg wound. That was definitely the sort of thing kids would cry about. That uncle...Joe was about ready to punch him. Joe supposed he would never know. He hoped Alex ended up ok.

The next day, he and Ian left before the sun rose. It didn't take long for Ian to start questioning him. "Joe Byrne, huh?"

Alex shrugged. "He was nice and he helped me with the languages."

Ian nearly growled. "He's the deputy head of a foreign power."

Alex really didn't care. "Your point?"

Ian shrugged. "Only that he may not have entirely pure motives."

Alex rolled his eyes. "You are paranoid, Ian."

Ian looked at him. "Am I?" Alex sighed and stared out the window. "You called Jack last night."

Alex shrugged. "I always hated not getting any calls from you. I don't want to do that to her."

Ian sighed. "It was too dangerous."

Alex shrugged. "That doesn't mean I have to like the fact that it was one of the things that kept me safe. That and you pretend not to care whenever anybody is looking."

Ian glanced at the road and then at him. "You know I do. I just can't show it like I want to." Alex just stared out the window. He had three phones now. It was kind of funny when you thought about it. He wondered what Yassen would ask for as the other part of his favor. Alex had no illusions about the man and their relationship was not necessarily a balanced, equal thing, but he honestly enjoyed their text conversations. He couldn't help but wonder what he and Nile were up to. What on earth would require both of them? Alex didn't really want to know but at the same time… He decided to cut off that train of thought before he went to investigate them. If Yassen didn't find out and murder him, Nile would. One of them was bad enough. Alex spent the most of the car ride in silence. He wondered if Sarov would recommend books for war strategy. Technically, the man was one of the most qualified people he could ask.

Ian Rider was, by nature, a suspicious man. His job was to notice things. Things that tended to threaten national security. It occurred to him on the drive that Alex would make a considerable threat if he ever chose to. "Your boss texted me. I think she figured out we were together."

Ian withheld his sigh. "I hope you were polite."

Alex twitched. "I politely told her to bugger off."

Ian had a rather lopsided grin at that. "Good for you. At least your diplomacy lessons are paying off."

Alex gave him his most innocent look. "What diplomacy lessons? It was my natural charm. Besides, didn't you say I was too diplomatic?"

Ian snorted. "You know, I was the one who told Jack to teach you how to lie, right?"

Alex smiled at the memory. "Oh, that was a fun Christmas."

Ian chuckled. "For everyone except that shop attendant."

Alex felt a little better remembering his younger moments. "So, what are we doing?"

Ian grinned. "Driving Lessons. For emergencies. If you're any good I'll take you off-roading, too."

Alex was very happy with that agenda. "Automatic or Standard transmission?"

Ian shrugged. "Both." Alex dug the books out of his bag in the backseat. Time to study more for languages. They stop at a gas station a few hours later. "Do you want a book to read for fun or something?"

Alex shrugged. "Not really. Schoolwork is fine."

Ian sighed. "You know, we'll be taking a break for a few days."

Alex rolled his neck. "No reason not to keep up with my workout and languages." Ian just looked at him. "Education is important, Ian."

Ian just kept looking at him. "I think I gave you that lecture one too many times."

Alex smirked. "But Ian, I can only recite it in French, German, English, and Russian."

Ian rolled his eyes. "The horror. You might have to come up with something original to recite by heart halfway through the road trip."

Alex grinned. "Hah, even you admit your lectures are long."

Ian's eyes glinted with amusement. "Not as long as your prison sentence if you don't listen to me." Alex knew he lost this one.

The first thing that Alex remembered about the United States was that the landmass was enormous and took forever to cross either vertically or horizontally. The second thing he remembered was that Texas took almost a whole day to cross. He wondered where they were going, but he supposed it didn't really matter. His driving was equally illegal in all the states. Ian stopped at a particularly deserted road in the country. "Right now, we're in a standard transmission. They're a little easier to drive. To drive the car…" Alex knew all of this already, but listening to Ian was fun enough that he didn't mind. "So, do you want to try now?" Alex gave Ian a particularly dry look. Ian grinned and unbuckled. "When you drive, save it for emergencies or stay away from people while you look under sixteen." Alex and Ian switched chairs. It was a bit odd to be doing this while he was still short, but after a few minutes, Alex adjusted and got into a good rhythm. Ian looked excited. "You seem to be getting the hang of this. Want me to show you some really awesome stuff?" Alex would never say no to Ian stunt driving; it just wouldn't be any fun. Alex pulled onto the shoulder and stopped the car. The man got back in the driver's seat. "The first thing you need to know about doing a full spin on the car is that you need to go really fast…" After a thorough discussion of spinning, having the car jump gaps, offensive and defensive driving Ian started the car back up again. Ian checked that he was wearing a seatbelt. "Always wear a seatbelt, Alex, especially when you drive." Alex knew MI6 had lied about Ian not wearing a seatbelt. Then, he gunned it. The world whooshed by while the car went faster and faster. Then, they tilted. The spin was…awesome. Frankly, so were the rest of the stunts, but if Ian offered to teach him some of them he was definitely learning how to do the 360 turn first.

After they'd switched back to Ian driving normally for a while, Ian spoke up. "Alex, uh… don't tell anyone I showed you those. People have these ridiculous ideas about child endangerment these days."

Alex grinned. "Sure, Ian."

Alex was all for Ian's brand of awesome child endangerment.

Ian relaxed. "So now that you know how to steal and drive cars, no joyriding ok? Police records are bad for job applications."

Alex snorted. He wasn't that irresponsible. "Ok."

Ian wasn't really sure what else to bring up about cars and driving. Basic repairs couldn't hurt, right? "So Alex, in case something in your car goes wrong…"

Ian told him all about car laws, repairs, tools (duct tape was wonderful), and how to drive in various types. It was nightfall and Ian had somehow gotten into a debate about different types of tanks with Alex. Ian wondered how Alex always managed to get off track, but tanks were really awesome. He didn't mind much, although he was rather surprised Alex knew so much about tanks. Cars he would understand, considering that once upon a time, he'd been in the car club. College. It seemed like a long time ago. They pulled up to a hotel before it got terribly late. Alex sighed. Yay, more bugs to look out for. "Won't you get in trouble with your boss? I mean you did just kind of take time off."

Ian shrugged. "I've been known to disappear for a couple days after assignments. I've already sent in my report, too. Basically, no, not really." Ian locked the car as soon as both of them had their luggage. They soon made their way up to the rooms of an all too familiar hotel chain. Alex was going to be twitchy for the next few days just because of that. He hoped they didn't end up in the last hotel he'd ever stayed at before he'd been shot. That would be a little too weird. It wasn't a short time until he fell asleep that night.

When Tulip Jones got an on-time report from Ian Rider, her first instinct was to skim through the entire thing to make sure that a three-way war hadn't erupted between the biker gangs, a drug cartel, and law enforcement. When she was satisfied the mission had actually been successful, she found that she was pleasantly surprised. Albeit, a little suspicious. Two on-time reports, consecutively? That had to be a record for him. Ian Rider was good for many things, but timely paperwork tended not to be on the list- at all. She usually had to sic Crawley on him around quarterly review week, which conveniently applied to only Agent Rider (It was so he would not have a backlog of more than a few months). Not to mention all the times she'd threatened him with probation. Despite what it looked like, the man did actually want his job as far as she knew. The office policy for 'quarterly review' was to go along with it. Humor dear Agent Rider; he's under a lot of stress. It was Tulip's not-so-subtle revenge on the man for all the crap she had to put up with. She had a feeling Ian knew it was a farce but was humoring her. After all, she sent a few newbies who didn't go with the program to Siberia to count sloths (yes, she knew full well they were native to Africa). It was a favorite of Joe Byrne's, along with demoting people to baggage carriers in hotels (though he used 'counting sheep in the most miserable shithole I can find'). It was a punishment assignment. They even had a crazy scientist or two who actually liked it there to go with the one rifle and space blanket they got as equipment. She was fairly certain it was the alternative invented for directors who didn't want to murder incompetent agents in their sleep. They left that brutality to terrorists for the most part nowadays. Usually, your boss just shot you on the spot in those (as far as they knew anyway).