Interlude: Naming nonsense.
"She's meee…."
Luna stared up at the swaddled infant she'd held up for examination for the umpteenth time.
"But…" the woman's head turned slowly to her two companions; her words heavy as if she'd discovered a dreadful secret. "She's not meee…."
"Yes Luna, we know." Sam sighed, rolling her eyes at the ever-continuing antics of her wife. "Just like we knew every other time you said it for last two weeks."
To be fair; with her little tuft of hair brushed down and her post-partum puffiness having receded somewhat, the newborn did look nigh identical to Luna's own baby pictures. Indeed, there was a bet running between Lola and few other siblings on whether or not Lisa had decided to skip Lincoln's 'contribution' and just make Luna carry her own clone to term for some reason.
But clone or spawn of artificial incest or not, the present issue wasn't the matter of the little girl's originality, but rather Luna lingering looniness.
The Nurse at the hospital had suggested to them that she shouldn't make decisions for a week after birth to be safe. Alas, with any new drug or serum there were always some kids of unforeseen reactions or effects due to the innumerable differences human biology presented between individuals, so that week was simply the best guess that poor nurse had to offer based on how quickly a woman of Luna's weight passed the drug.
Thus, it was with only mild surprise and tolerated annoyance that the Loud Family was still subject to a Very Silly Luna Loud despite a good dozen days having passed since her 'dose'. Of course, the ever-practical family was well suited to dealing with nonsense; so, the musical sister had been simply relegated to the nursery that had once been her and Luan's room and left to 'dry out' with Sam and occasionally Lincoln to check in and make sure she didn't do anything permanently stupid in her state.
As it was; the rockstar had done little in the past few days but lie in bed and babble nonsense- only stopping to occasionally feed the little 'potatoes' she'd obtained.
And to stare at them like they were aliens.
"… Do you want me to hold her for a bit?" Lincoln suggested, having come up to see if Luna was up for feeding them herself or if the bottle in his hands would be needed again. "You know, since you've been holding her for a while-"
"Shh!" Luna's eyes suddenly narrowed, and she focused upon her held infant once more. "… She's gonna do it."
Lincoln bit his tongue in annoyance, and looked over to the Very Done Sam beside him.
"Just wait a sec'," Sam just sighed, and tilted her head towards the swaddled infant between Luna's hands, as opposed to her brother lying in one of the cots next to their mother's bed.
As Lincoln's eyes reached the bundle, The newborn girl's brown eyes blinked open for a moment. They shut just as quickly as they revealed themselves, but her head tilted back just a little as her mouth drew open in a little yawn- revealing pink gums and-
"Holy shi-shoot," Lincoln swore as a long, nigh prehensile tongue snaked out of his daughter's mouth and the tip flexed and twitched up in the air like it was tasting it. It wasn't quite long enough to start questioning Lisa about it, but Lincoln couldn't help but be unnerved as always upon witnessing the distressingly long 'appendage' gleaming in the limited light the room curtains let through.
"Shhwoo weird…" Luna mumbled, and Lincoln almost facepalmed as he spotted Luna sticking her own long tongue out, the grown woman becoming momentarily cross-eyed as she tried comparing her tongue to her daughters. "Shod dats what it lookhs rike…"
"Yep, just like a snake..." Sam sighed, then looked to Lincoln. "She's probably hungry so-"
"Right," Lincoln shook himself back to sensibility, and leaned down to Luna. "Hey Luna?"
Luna turned to him with vacant eyes, "mmm….?"
"Do you want to feed her now, or should I?" Lincoln raised the bottle in his hand with a shake.
"Mmmmm…" Luna's eyes unfocussed as she contemplated her options.
The grown woman sat in silence as whatever thoughts she had in her failed to breach through the lingering mists of her 'medicine' and coalesce into intent.
Nonetheless, Lincoln waited with learnt patience.
And waited.
But after The Girl started squirming a little after the thirty second mark; Lincoln rolled his eyes and briskly got to his feet and gently, but firmly pried the infant from her mother's grip with practised prowess. Luna murmured as her fingers twitched, but did nothing as Lincoln pried their daughter away. Instead, the woman's hands remained stationary in the air with her fingers arranged in the same grip as they'd been in before as their owner seemingly failed to notice her daughter's absence.
Lincoln meanwhile calmly stood up and rested their daughter in the crook of one of left arm and coaxed the bottle's plastic nipple to The Girl's mouth. Her little eyes were only half open and unfocussed at that, but her tongue was still questing about and it didn't take long before it inadvertently gave the plastic nipple a wet swipe. Then a cautious prod to confirm the familiar squish of the dispenser-
Followed by a merciless attack as The Girl ushed her head forward just enough to clamp her gums around the nipple and start stretching it back and forth with unnervingly intense tugs.
"Darn…" Sam shook her head at the surprising strength The Girl suctioned with. "Always forget they do that…"
"Yeah, they're a little stronger than you expect." Lincoln mused as he adjusted his grip on the bottle. "You just have to make sure they don't get too much air though."
Sam regarded the little limpet's ferocious feeding with trepidation, "maybe, look; I'm just glad I'm not the milk maker in this arrangement." She shuddered and folded her arms protectively in front of her chest as The Girl pulled back again, stretching the rubber-like nipple into a pale high-tension hose between mouth and bottle. "God dam- how do you take that every few hours Lunes?"
There was silence, save for the sucking of the newborn of course.
"…Lunes?" Sam raised her eyes in mild perplexment, and Lincoln's own followed them to find the Rockstar currently starting off into space. Despite her wife's words her entire being was apparently focussed the 'bundle of joy' that was The Boy, his swaddled body now held between her hands much like The Girl's had been but much closer as their addled mother held the back of his head nestled to her nose. "You okay there?"
Luna's eyes stared off into the distance as she breathed in, "… shwwooo fwwooffy…" she mumbled through the surprisingly fluffy hair of her boy.
The Boy for his part seemed nonplussed, being as he was still but a newborn capable of little more than blinking and crying for food/attention/a change, and comprehending the oddness of his mother sniffing him like fresh bread was well beyond him, 'fwwoofy' or not.
Alas, the adults in the room still had to make sense of Luna's antics.
"Luna?" Lincoln resisted the urge to facepalm with The Girl in his arms. "What are you doing?"
"Shmelling…" Luna took another looong sniff, and sighed with satisfaction. "… New Baby Shmell…"
Sam leant down to whisper into Lincolns ear; "she's been doing that all week- I don't get it."
Lincoln, however, had spent the past few months becoming very well acquainted with babies and their various scents. And while their more infamous odours were well known to anyone who'd had the misfortune of changing one, it occurred to him that as someone who'd only had one sibling that had in turn probably not needed much attention from Sam herself- that the 'new baby smell' Luna was speaking of might be a new thing for the Blonde.
"It's…" Lincoln mulled over the best way to explain it, then his lips quirked up into a smile as The Girl let the nipple fall from her mouth, evidently done feeding for the moment. He turned to Sam with The Girl raised in his arm to face her. "Here; take her for a moment."
Sam looked sceptical but took The Girl with careful hands.
"Now, just smell her." Lincoln pointed to the doozy newborn's head. "The hair is the best place for it, The Boy's stands up more so that's probably why Luna's… being Luna about it."
Again, Sam looked doubtful, but nonetheless she lowered her face to hesitantly sniff at The Girl- clearly expecting a scent of something foul. But to her surprise, the infant didn't really smell of anything.
Except maybe…
"Do it a little closer," Lincoln motioned with his hand, "the hair catches it like a wick."
"Catches what?" Sam leant down closer still, just close enough that The Girl's hair was nearly touching her nose but still far enough to jerk away if said infant decided to let one rip. Still though, she was there for a reason, and at Lincoln's insistence, she drew in another breath.
….
Honestly there wasn't really anything besides a vaguely 'clean' smell of soap and powder… and….
Something else?
Sam closed her eyes for a moment and took in another breath as her nostrils flared, trying to catch the slightly… sweet? Yes, the oddly sweet scent The Girl had on her.
"Did you guys put something in the bath water?" Sam looked up at her brother-in-law. "Like some kind of scent or something?"
"Nope," Lincoln's lips twitched up again. "Babies always have a special smell to them for the first month or so, Leese says it's because they absorb the fluid from inside the womb so it's really just the mom's insides-"
"My gutsh shmell amashing…" Luna murmured from behind him.
"-But either way its pretty cool." Lincoln shrugged. "It's…"
Sam was breathing deeply over The Girl again, trying to draw in a bit more of the peculiar scent to identify exactly what it smelled like, it was….
"It can be a little addictive for some people as well." Lincoln bit his tongue to hold in a snort at the sight of the hunched over Blonde Rocker drawing in the scent of his infant daughter like famished feeder salivating over a well marinated ham.
But as entertaining as it was to watch his sister in law's mesmerisation, he'd come upstairs with a job to do;
Namely feeding his (latest) pair of twins, and while The Girl had seemingly been attended to for now, The Boy's little stomach was still empty. And with his time short as always, Lincoln turned from the 'bonding' of Step Mother (?) and Step daughter (?) to see Luna still suctioning as much scent as she could from her boy's fluffy head.
"Luna?" He held out his hands, "can I have him?"
Luna's eyes blinked, but there was no other response as she drew in yet another breath.
Stuck between two occupied women, yet still needing to get on with his day- Lincoln sighed in annoyance and went to pry The Boy from Luna's hands much as he had done for The Girl.
Luna's face once again remained static, even as he pulled her fingers from her possessed package of person. He put a careful hand behind The Boy's head as he drew him down lest an accident happen, and then scooped him up from the swaddled behind as Luna's grip loosened at last.
"Finally, let's get you fed." He sighed and settled the slightly squirming boy in the crook of his harm, and found a suitably warm bottle of milk to lodge into his mouth- which The Boy appreciated with a little more gentleness than his sister. "Well, at least someone won't need a burping later-"
"What the fuck!?" Sam suddenly cursed.
The Boy squirmed at the sharp tone, and Lincoln sent an equally harsh look towards his befuddled sister in law. But the blonde failed to notice his derision as her eyes darted from side to side and her arms clutched at-
Nothing.
The Girl was nowhere to be found.
"She's meee…."
Lincoln turned to see Luna again staring at The Girl in between her hands, beholding her like she was a sacred artefact. Then she turned her wide, staring eyes to them. "But she's not meeee…"
"Hol- shoot!" Sam 'cursed' again, "I swear I didn't give her to her!"
"… Yeah," Lincoln would have facepalmed if he wasn't occupied with a hungry infant. "Everyone in the house has picked up something from Lucy at some point or the other-"
"She was in my arms," the incredulous rocker countered, her features drawn in disbelief as to what just happened. "And She-" she pointed at her wife. "Is flipping high as a kite."
"… Look; you've known us long enough to know it could've been a ghost, magic or Lisa playing around with something- or even something else. In this house? I honestly don't know," Lincoln admitted. "Just roll with it."
"I…" Sam gaped, then slowly shook her head. An expression of utter defeat crossed her features, "I… I have to go soon; the band needs at least half the face on stage. Could you let us know when Luna gets her brain back?"
Lincoln slowly nodded. Sam had been in and out of the house for a few weeks, but in that time the hectic lifestyle that had resumed and the decidedly loony Luna had clearly taken their toll.
It made sense that the Rocker would want to escape back to the road, even if she would have to resume the effort in making up for Luna's absence as she had in the months before when she'd grown too gravid to dare the stage.
"Sure, sure…" Lincoln closed his eyes in acceptance. But as he did, a little squirming caught his attention, and he unplugged the bottle's nipple from his son's mouth. "You done buddy?"
The Boy opened his tiny mouth in a yawn and settled down.
"Heh, definitely the easy baby of the pair…" he smiled at The Boy, but something important occurred to him. "Uh, Sam?"
"Yeah?"
"I know Luna's been 'Luna' for the past few weeks," Lincoln nudged his head in the addled woman in question's direction. "But did you and her ever talk about names? We've just been calling them 'boy' and 'girl' for this whole time."
"Um… sort of." Sam's body language shifted to an awkward admission of discomfort as she stepped back a little. "But we didn't really get that far."
"Really?" The shock caused the word to slip out before he could stop it, "Luna insisted we don't get involved until after she'd talked it over with you."
"Yeah, yeah," Sam folded her arms and looked slightly away from his eyes. "The truth is, things were difficult for a while. Kids and the Rocker lifestyle don't really mix, so this was all a surprise for me."
She met his eyes for and swallowed. "I'm still not sure I'm going to be a Mom or something else to them, y'know?"
"Oh…" it was Lincoln's turn to be awkward. "Um…"
"She said she wanted to keep the L name tradition going!" Sam interjected, rushing to skip the moment. "She said it was important."
Lincoln nodded, and would've said something to keep the conversation going. However, a word suddenly floated from over the side of the room.
"Important…"
"Eh?" Lincoln turned to Luna, whose focus remained on her girl, the small child's features lit up by a streak of light poking through the curtain slit. "Did you say something Luna?"
"Names... important." Luna squinted her eyes. "Need to be right."
"Yeah, yeah they do." Sam's voice sounded tired as she agreed with her wife. "Maybe you should talk it out with Lincoln-"
"She's me… but she's not me…" Luna murmured again, and a wave of defeat washed through Lincoln.
"Well, it was nice while it lasted." He dryly remarked. "Sorry about all this Sam-"
"Liar."
Lincoln froze, and turned to Luna with shock. "Excuse me?"
"Liar," Luna repeated, her eyes still trained on The Girl. "She's a Liar. Because she's me but she's not me."
"Uhh…?" Sam sounded as confused as Lincoln, and he could feel her eyes on him.
"I don't know." He sighed. "She just looks like Luna did at that age-"
"So, she's a liar." Luna added. "So that's her name.
Liar Loud."
Lincoln's stomach dropped.
"Uh, luv?" Sam helpfully approached, and Lincoln could see in her face and limbs pained politeness one had when dissuading a drunk trying to get into their car to drive home. "Maybe you should leave off the naming until you've dried out-"
"No." Luna insisted, and her voice gained certainty for the first time since her brain 'popped' in that ward. "It's her name." She turned to them for the first time, and presented Liar to them. "This is Liar Loud.
She's me, but she's not me."
…
"Oh for-" Sam swore into her hands.
"Don't you think she'd get bullied over that?" Lincoln tried to reason with the very silly woman. "Just think about what it'll be like in school!"
"She'll lie to them." Luna blinked. "It's what she does."
"I…" Lincoln's tired brain tried to find a solution, but months of sleep deprivation returned only frustration, so he simply facepalmed. "Luna…"
The woman in question just turned the baby around to face her again, and a smile appeared on her face. "Hello Liar, I think you're going to be a very pretty girl."
She started gently rocking her with light 'coos'.
Liar seemed unimpressed.
Finally, though, the rusted cogs of Lincoln's mind turned and presented a solution upon seeing the commonality between Luna and her daughter. "… But wouldn't a musical name be better?"
Luna stopped rocking Liar for a moment, "… musical?"
"Yeah, you like music, right?" Lincoln pushed on, encouraged by getting a response. "So if she's you-"
"But she's not me." Luna repeated blankly.
"- But even so," Lincoln held onto the abused thread of patience he had reserved under 'sister antics'. "She'll probably really like music as well, why not give her something about that instead- that way it'll encourage her to share an interest with you!"
Luna blinked again, not a trace of approval or otherwise to be had on her features.
"It'll be like having another you to play with!" Lincoln insisted, "just remember all those times you wanted one of us to play an instrument- now you'd have another you to play with!"
Luna blinked again, slower this time. "… Okay."
"And- wait that worked?" Lincoln was taken aback by the sudden change.
"But I like how Liar sounds." Luna insisted in her dull tone. "And she's still lying. So, she's still Liar."
Lincoln was at a loss on how to spin this, save maybe coming back later when Luna had indeed 'dried out' and hoping no one had been foolish enough to let her formally submit the name yet. Thankfully, he was not the only (unaddled) adult in the room.
"Hey that's great Luv," Sam knelt down beside Luna with a false smile. "Seriously, Liar fits her perfect."
"I know." Luna agreed.
"But…" Sam crossed her fingers, "you know what might work even better?"
"… No?" Luna looked to Lincoln like she wanted him to tell her the answer to Sam's question.
"Y'know those cool double-meanings some names have?" There was a desperate edge to Sam's 'calm' voice.
"… Yeah?" Luna nodded.
Sam nodded with her. "Well, maybe Liar could have one of those, to make her extra special! Don't you want her to be extra special?"
"Hmm…" Luna nodded again while looking at Liar. "Yeah, yeah I want her to be special."
"Then maybe we could make her name one of those things!" Sam suggested with a gasp, as if the idea to follow had just occurred to her. "What about… Lyre!"
"Lyre?" Luna tilted her head. "Like..." she set 'Lyre' in the crook of her elbow and moved her left hand to mime playing the instrument in the air.
"Yeah, yeah the instrument." Sam nodded, "it's something musical- and it still sounds like Liar, so it's got two meanings that fit!"
Luna retuned her hand to her infant, but her face was still flat. "… It's basic."
It was like a record suddenly stopped playing.
"What?" Sam's face dropped.
"Basic." Luna repeated. "People who name their kids after instruments are basic. Or pretenous."
"… You mean pretentious?" Lincoln offered.
"Yeah, that." Luna turned her daughter again, "I don't wanna be a poser.
You don't wanna poser Mommy right Liar?"
Sam deflated and looked up to Lincoln in defeat. "I tried."
But while she might have given in, her rally had given Lincoln time to arrange his own and a new solution had come to mind.
Well, not such much as 'new' as really just Sam's reworked a little.
"What about constellations though?" He felt a grin cross his face, the same one that had often graced a younger boy's when he felt a plan come together. Luna looked up at him again with blank curiosity.
"Constellations?"
"Yeah, like star arrangements in the sky," He knelt down to her level beside the bewildered Sam, adjusting the boy a little to make sure he wasn't dropped. "It'd be like your name then, since your name is about the moon."
"The Moon isn't a star." Luna blinked.
"No, but it's in the sky." Lincoln insisted, "and if there happened to be a constellation that happened to be named like an instrument, like let's say… Lyra- then it would be Lyre and Liar at the same time!"
Luna blinked. Then she turned to her daughter again.
"It wouldn't be basic!" Sam blurted out in support, desperate to avoid a disaster in the making. "It'd be three meanings too!"
"And it's four letters, just like you and the other girl's names." Lincoln smiled, hoping Luna wouldn't have the presence of mind to realise that Liar and Lyre both had the same quality.
Luna blinked again, then her mouth opened;
"Lyra."
The two sober adults remained still.
"Lyyyraaaahhh," Luna exaggerated the name like she was tasting it. "Lyra."
Sam and Lincoln remained where they were for a full minute, fearful that Luna would issue a sudden objection under the basis of whatever broken processes made up her current mindset.
Finally though; Lincoln's knees started to hurt- and the boy began to fuss. So, he stood up, and Luna's eyes snapped to him.
"S-so, what do you think?" He pushed a good bit of cheer into his voice. "Sounds good right?"
"… Okay." If Luna could be more boredly apathetic, Lincoln wouldn't have been able to tell. And like that she turned to Sam and presented little Lyra to her like she was a bag of potatoes. "Here."
"Uh, okay but why?" Sam took Lyra into her arms again, the small girl seeming to be a tad grumpy for some reason.
"We're doing names." Luna flatly replied like it was Sam who was addled, and then she held out her arms to Lincoln. "I want to do the boy now."
"Okay, yeah, yeah…" Lincoln swallowed down a wave of trepidation as he reluctantly handed over the delicate package to Luna.
He'd really hoped that they could leave it there, maybe tackle the boy's name after Luna's brain started to work properly again.
He should have known better at this point.
"Yeah…" Luna droned as she held up the boy for inspection. "I think… I think I'll call you…"
Sam's face was drawn in trepidation and Lincoln leaned in, mentally preparing himself for yet another battle to avoid sentencing his progeny to a perennial playground pounding.
"Limp Bizkit." Luna nodded with satisfaction, and she turned to the other two with a dull happiness. "But one word; Limpbizkit.
Limpbizkit Loud."
"Oh fuck no." Sam looked disgusted, and Lyra squirmed in displeasure (though be that from the hostility of her bearer or appropriate revulsion at the proposed name none could say). "Seriously Lunes!?"
'Limpbizkit' (for his part) seemed fine with it though.
Lincoln meanwhile just shook his head, "this is my fault." He admitted to Sam. "I should've known better than to bring up the names while she was like this."
"Like what?" The dopey Luna queried.
"Like you've done all the drugs." Lincoln bluntly replied.
Sam however just sadly shook her head, "it wouldn't have helped. I thought she was joking, but she brought up naming the boy that a few months before, just after she went on maternity leave."
Lincoln froze in horror, and in the corner of his eye he could need Luna numbly nodding.
"I didn't think she meant it," Sam weakly offered.
"It's a good name," Luna assured them with a calm apathy. "Luan thinks so too."
"Luan-" Lincoln spluttered, "when did she say that?"
"When we changed him." Luna shrugged.
"… Why?" Lincoln's eyes narrowed in a dreadful suspicion. "She didn't mean…"
Luna tilted her head in what confusion she could manage, then she plopped the boy onto the before her. Her fingers worked with surprising dexterity to unwrap him like a little living present, and before long he was down to his diaper- which Luna promptly pulled with a hooked finger to reveal a pair of little balls and floppy penis.
Said penis of course being a fair bit longer than one might expect from his peers, he'd gotten a double dose of Loud genes after all.
"See!" Luna pointed at said organ with her finger. "I was thinking it was because Limp Bizkit sounds cool, but he's got a 'Limp Bizkit' too!"
Lincoln groaned in despair, "damn it Luan."
Sam rolled her eyes, "at least he'll be popular when he's older. 'Be making a lot of girls happy with that thing."
"Yeah…" Luna nodded again, then leant down to look at the wiggling little Limpbizkit with a dull smile. "He already made me really happy."
Sam instantly went red and Lincoln facepalmed yet again.
"G-god damn in it Luna," Lincoln groaned.
But whatever else the other two might have done was cut off as Limpbizkit squirmed once more, then stopped as relief came over him.
Namely that of the bladder. He had eaten recently after all.
The little penis briefly came to life, and a little arc of wee came out, splashing onto Luna's clean(ish) clothes and sheets. The woman blinked dully, and then clumsily reached forwards to the organ with two fingers-
To squeeze at the middle and stop the flow.
"No peeing on Mom," she murmured as the infant started squirming again and his face screwed up in rapidly mounting discomfort. "It's gross."
"Luna!" Lincoln snapped, and promptly scooped Limpbizkit up from her to free him. The flow promptly resumed of course, adding another stain to Lincoln's already stained beyond repair orange polo, but the nude little boy settled in his father's wetted arms. "You'll hurt him!"
"It was just for a sec'," she mumbled and looked at her wet clothes and bedspread. "He was getting it everywhere."
"He's a baby- urghh…" Lincoln shook his head. Dang it Lisa, when does this end?
But Lincoln had more pressing problems than pee or Lisa's seemingly perpetually potent 'Happy Birthday';
If what Sam said was correct, even sobriety might not dissuade Luna from removing 'Limpbizkit' as the boy's name. She might even find it funny and just make him use a nickname if he didn't like it.
Sure, he could eventually change it himself- but that would have to wait until he was eighteen, and in the meantime, he'd be bullied like no other kid in Royal Woods. By the time he was grown up; Stockholm syndrome might have even set in and he'd just keep the atrocious appellation!
Lincoln needed to save his son from that fate, and without having any leverage through legal fatherhood, as they had to keep his name out of the kids' records as anything but an uncle, Lincoln was forced to use whatever other means were necessary.
Even if those means were the dirty, despicable, and downright pitiful sort that would be forever held over his head.
In this case; going to Mom and Dad for help.
"Mom! Dad!" He called out, his face reddening in embarrassment, "we need you!"
Luna's eyes briefly gained a bit of sapience and disgust crossed her face, "you're snitching on me Bro?"
"I do what I must, for the sake of those I love." Lincoln solemnly countered, and held the boy to his chest with both arms to keep him warm.
"Laaammmee…" Luna drawled and her eyes dulled again.
Sam however shot him a grateful smile, clearly relieved for the backup.
There was a rapid set of thuds as someone climbed up the stairs, and a moment later the door to Luna's room opened to reveal a slightly frazzled Rita Loud;
"Hey kids, you called?"
"Yeah, uh- where's Dad?" Lincoln gave the warmest smile he could- hopefully to distract from the rising scent of pee coming off him (not that it was anything new at this point).
"He's on his break," Rita looked around, "is there a reason you need both of us?"
Lincoln chewed on the inside of his cheek- then resolved to let Luna speak for herself. "Hey Luna?
"Yeeess?" Luna drawled out.
"What are you naming the boy?" Lincoln drew up his arms a little to indicate the child in question.
"Limpbizkit" Luna said without a hint of hesitation.
Rita stared.
"It's cool." Luna felt the need to elaborate.
Rita looked to her own son, whose eyes pleaded for help. "Whose idea was this?"
"Luan got involved." Lincoln succinctly stated.
"Right," Rita shook her head.
"But Luna already had the idea before all this," Sam piped up.
"Yeah… it's an awesome name." Luna nodded, "really cool artist too."
"I see…" Rita looked to Lincoln, "and the girl?"
"We called her Lyra." Luna spoke up. "It was Liar. Then it was Lyre, but that was basic. Now it's Lyra because that's Lyre and Liar as well."
Rita didn't speak for a few seconds, her mind clearly working through the nonsense that was before her. Finally, she seemed to come to a conclusion; "it sounds like you really want to have musical names for your kids, right Luna?"
"Yeah, music's the best." Luna insisted like it was purely her idea.
"Well, it also sounds like you're trying to keep to the four-letter L name tradition," Rita walked forwards with careful steps. "But Limp Bizkit isn't four letters, is it?"
"Uh…" Luna seemed to run it over in her mind again. "… No."
"Then maybe another name would be better," Rita paced. "Maybe… another artist?"
"Maybe?" Luna echoed, usure of herself. "But I don't know many with four letters L-names that are really good- I checked."
"Really?" Rita paced before her daughter bed, and a gleam of a solution appeared in her eye. "You know, your father loves Motorhead- I bet he'd be 'chuffed' if you named your son after let's say…
Lemmy?"
"Lemmy?" Luna titled her head, "but that's too many letters…"
"Maybe just write it like L-E-M-Y," Rita suggested. "Or maybe just put 'Lemuel' on the birth certificate so he can choose to use it like a nickname."
"I dunno…" Luna blinked. "That's a lot of letters… even if the guy was really cool... and I still kind of want to call him Limpbizkit."
"You could use that as a middle name!" Sam hastily offered, and Lincoln glared at with betrayal for the concession to Limpbizkit. She gave him an apologetic smile as she spoke. "It'll be even better- that was he'll be named after two great artists- three if you count your last name.
It'll even match the three-meaning thing with Lyra's name!"
Luna mulled it over for a moment, "I dunno… maybe Limpbizkit can be the first name-"
Lincoln could see her resolve returning, and in the face of disaster he chose mitigation;
"But Luna!" He grinned with clenched teeth. "His four-letter nickname would probably be 'Limp' then, but Lemuel as the first one means it'll be Lemy- isn't that so much better?"
Luna thought for a moment, then slowly nodded. "Yeah… yeah, that makes sense. But maybe-"
"It's like a band of names Luna!" Lincoln rushed, "three great artists all playing together in one person!"
Appeal to the music Lincoln, you have to nail this.
"Yeah, like a band…" Luna nodded again, and finally smiled. "Like me and the band, just in one person… but I'm still not sure about 'Lemuel'. I mean it sounds kind of… lame you know.
I don't want the kid bullied or anything."
If Lincoln's eyes could have bored lazers into Luna's blissed-out head at the moment it would have new orifices.
"It's a Hebrew name," Lincoln jumped as Lisa made her way into the room. "Meaning 'devoted to God', and while I don't care for the connotations the proposed nickname thereof is well 'in your wheelhouse' so to speak."
"Oh, and as to the inevitable question of why I'm here;" The scientist turned to the other adults. "Your 'debate' has prematurely awoken the previously settled other infants in the residence. I hope you have been productive."
Rita drew in a breath through her teeth in frustration, and Lincoln wilted a little even as Sam winced. Luna however seemed to brighten up at Lisa's presence.
"Oh, hey Leese." She stared for a moment, "hey, quick question?"
"Considering it will delay my return to the nursery, I don't see why not."
"Thanks," Luna nodded. "Hey; is God real?"
The room went silent again.
Rita turned and stared at her dull eyed daughter.
Lisa however seemed nonplussed, "that would depend on what you define as a 'god', and which one in particular you are referring to.
I happen to have encountered many beings worshipped as such, however they usually have more tentacles and cold combustion than most of their depictions."
"Tentacles?" Luna repeated, her eyelids gliding over her eyes yet again in that same, slow manner. "And cool explosions?"
"More or less, as well as occasionally the sapient extra-dimensional being whose presence fails to correspond to any established paradigms." Lisa admitted. "Though whether that qualifies them for 'godhood' is a matter of debate-"
"Okay, that's cool. Gods are cool." Luna nodded. "Lemy- Lemuel's cool then."
Lincoln let out a sigh of relief-
"But I'm keeping Limpbizkit for the middle one." Luna insisted.
"But-"
Lincoln found himself cut off again as Sam's hand touched his shoulder, Lyra in the crook of her arm. "Hey," she whispered. "You really wanna push it?"
Lincoln looked at the stubbornly doped sister before him currently blabbering with Lisa and Mom over something else inane- and saw that Lyra had once again appeared in her arms. Then he looked back at Sam with a deep sadness. "But it's Limpbizkit."
The word came out as less whisper and more a whimper.
"I know," Sam sighed, and started guiding him out of the door. "But we have to take the victories where we've got them right?"
"I…" Lincoln looked down at his dosing, innocent child in his arms that would soon bear that name. "I wanted better for him."
"You did great," Sam assured him, and her smile didn't seem too forced. "C'mon, we can get him cleaned up in the nursery."
"Yeah, that's a good idea." Lincoln mumbled, but he looked down at the fluff-haired boy with a deep regret.
I'm so, so sorry son.
A/N:
Special thanks to Nuuo for beta-reading.
Just a bit of fun nonsense :)
In regards to my other stories; real life has absorbed far too much time and energy to be properly productive on serious or semi-serious stuff. Moving In is done being plotted out, but updates will likely not be happening for at least two months as I try and build up a good few chapters in advance; I want to have a backlog of sorts so that when I start updating once more there won't be any long hiatuses if anything else happens in real life again.