Chapter 29: The family, the letter, and the ill-advised thief
Crawley was surprised at the speed at which everybody adapted to him being there. He didn't much like the family 'dog', but mini seemed to have it under control. The housekeeper seemed nice enough and the children (Jerry was still in school) were all relatively well-behaved if wise-cracking. Crawley was more surprised by the degree of freedom Alex got and what he did with it. The kid was surprisingly dedicated to his studies and daily exercise. Crawley wasn't sure where Ian and Alex vanished off to inside the house, but he wasn't one to pry. He supposed he could help with the languages. Crawley was tempted to just treat him like one of their fresh recruits. He suspected any curriculum Ian came up with was far more stringent than what they taught to people, anyway. Alex was oddly observant, but he could safely say it ran in the family. "Ian's leaving soon, isn't he?" That went straight from observant to mind-reading.
"Well...uh...yeah." The kid sighed and rolled his eyes.
"I'm eleven, not stupid, you know." Crawley shrugged.
"Fair. I suppose I can help you if you want. Why aren't you in school, anyway?" Alex plopped himself down in the chair next to his nightstand.
"Ian said it wasn't challenging enough for me. I'm actually at a college level, you know." Well, he could safely say the kid wasn't lacking in the brains department. Self-preservation on the other hand…
"Shouldn't you have known better than to take the wolf home, then? It wasn't meant to be a pet, you know." Alex rolled his eyes.
"Don't be melodramatic, Crawley. Besides, Ian already gave me the lecture." Crawley knew who his next charge would be in the intelligence agency. He'd swear that Alex was Ian's clone in that moment. The kid walked out. Don't be melodramatic, Crawley. Besides, Jones already gave me the lecture. Crawley groaned at the memory. Those two were definitely related.
Alex strolled down the hall after the conversation with Crawley. He'd suspected Ian would be leaving soon since he was at work more often. He went to the door to get the mail (he got it every morning and left neat little piles for everyone to find). Alex had started this up ever since Sarov and Yassen started mailing him stuff. Plus, Ian was at work and Jack was walking Tom and Jerry to school. Alex raised an eyebrow in surprise when he realized he had four separate pieces of mail. From three different people. He took it up to his room just in case someone decided to come down to the kitchen. There was a letter and a package from Sarov. He opened and read the letter first. Then, he cut open the package. It was full of Russian books on the history of Russia and battle strategy. The man apparently knew them by heart and had no use for them. At least it was a practical gift. The next one was a large envelope from Antonio. The man seemed to feel the need to keep him updated on the spread of his empire/business. It also had a book on the economics of running businesses of varying sizes. It also had a letter from Miguel. The boy seemed fairly friendly, but Alex was sort of touched and creeped out that the boy cared enough to send him a letter. It wasn't a love letter or anything, so he figured it was safe to reply. He was pretty sure the last one was from Yassen, though it could have been sent by anyone. It was the most anonymous of the four. Alex cut it open and snorted at the contents after he examined them. One was a guide to basic medicine. The note read: Something tells me you might have a need for this. The second book was a guide for diplomacy and avoiding dangerous situations, apparently, his mouth could get him into trouble. The third and last book was actually fun. It was a guide to improvisational warfare, guerrilla tactics, and improvised weaponry. It also had a disguise section. He wondered why Gordon Ross didn't have that little gem of 'light' reading added to his curriculum. I mean his readings for the class were already a couple thousand pages long. Aside from that, this looked much more fun. Although, Alex couldn't really think of any situation that required a flame-throwing hairdryer, let alone three different designs of one.
It was probably that SCORPIA had plenty of weapons for their assassins and no need for that sort of thing, but Alex personally thought it was a shame the class had been discontinued. Really, he figured he'd be reading that one in his spare time first. It wasn't that the other books weren't important, but Alex thought this one was just more awesome. He grinned and penned replies to all his letters (minus Yassen, he just sent a text), before sealing the envelopes and putting them in his backpack. He kept one for his afternoon runs with Fenrir. Ever since they found a dead body together, he figured it was better safe than sorry. He kept enough survival supplies in there to where if he had to run, he would be ok. He started on his newest read and interspersed it with his studies of the languages Pashto, Dari, Mandarin. He wondered if it would be enough. Somehow, he had a bad feeling about the upcoming family reunion. It could be his senses going haywire, but he personally doubted it. Besides, why else would Ian keep them apart? Alex doubted that Ian was possessive enough to keep them apart just because, but he had been wrong before about people. It was rare, but it happened. At just before noon, there were three soft knocks on the door. Alex was on alert. Jack was home. Crawley and Ian weren't due back for hours. Alex sighed and hid his book before answering the door. It was Alan Blunt. Alex bit back what he wanted to say and reluctantly let the man in. "Can I help you?" Alex barely resisted sarcasm.
Alex figured the SCORPIA approach was best for this. Smile politely while stabbing them in the back and poisoning them for good measure. Blunt sat down and took the tea without milk or sugar. "As I recall, you're one of the busiest men on the planet. My uncle is your employee, but your house visit seems unorthodox." It was the polite and diplomatic version of get the hell out of my house.
"It is." The gray man was as expressionless as ever. Alex sat in silence and resisted the urge to poison the teapot. He silently repeated the penalties for murder in his head. It wasn't helping much. The man's stare was as creepy and expressionless as ever. Alex felt as though he were under a microscope.
"For an eleven-year-old, you cause an unholy amount of trouble." Alex wasn't in the mood.
"For a head of MI6, you are strikingly unsubtle." Blunt didn't react to the jab. Alex didn't expect him to. Blunt pinned him with another stare. He refused to squirm and chose to glare at the man.
"Subtlety is only so useful. Aside from that, you are intelligent enough to see through it and defiant enough to react adversely." Was Alan Blunt trying to teach him something?
"Touché." His incredulity must have shown because Blunt didn't show any emotion, but Alex got the feeling he might be vaguely amused.
"We are the lesser of two evils, Alex." Alex raised an eyebrow.
"Are you really?" He knew that, but he was trying to get a rise out of the man. The man didn't react.
"What are you here for?" Blunt continued staring.
"Observation." Alex was about to snap at the man.
"What could possibly be a matter of state in this household?" Interfering bastard.
Blunt regarded him, but the gaze turned slightly more thoughtful. "A good many things, I'm sure. Especially, if I were to search the place, hmm?" Fuck you, Blunt. At the same time, he refused to be a pawn or cower under threat to this man.
"You should be careful where and what you search, Blunt." At this Fenrir joined his side. Alex's eyes blazed with a quiet rage.
"After all, you might find that you bit off more than you could chew. You have been wrong before, I'm sure." The man didn't react to the thinly veiled threat or the taunt. Alex was sure he got a lot of them, though probably not from eleven-year-olds.
"And you should be more careful as well. After all, international assassins can be quite deadly." Alex would be more impressed with the threat if he didn't know for a fact Yassen would avenge him. Not to mention Ian.
"So I've heard." Ian was so going to kill him. Alex didn't really care at the moment. He should probably mention this to Yassen, just to be safe.
"Is there anything else you wanted?" Alex asked though he didn't much care. Unbeknownst to him, he was imitating Ian's tone when he was pissed off. Blunt was as blank as ever.
"Not particularly and not now." Alex grit his teeth. He didn't want Ian to suffer because he couldn't stand Alan Blunt. The man might just be petty enough to do it, too.
"Then perhaps you should go. Another few people in that lobby might make your ruse more legitimate." Alex couldn't really resist the jab, even though it was such a bad idea. Blunt's facial expression was now weird. It took Alex a minute to realize the man was amused by something.
"I said the same thing to Mrs. Jones and she called me a paranoid lunatic." Alex resisted telling him that Jones had a point. His expression was back to its' usual blank slate.
"Good day, Mr. Rider." Alex stayed silent. The man got up and left as soundlessly as he entered. Alex slammed the door shut behind him. Well, that was creepy.
Alex went down to the basement. Everyone was outside of the house except Fenrir. Only Ian knew of the basement. Alex descended in the elevator on his own. He had the flash drive. Alex booted up one of the older computers they had in the basement that wasn't connected to any of their devices. It was a 'blank'. Meaning it had nothing on it and was disposable. Alex waited for it to boot up and toyed with the flash drives. He stuck the one with the earliest date on it in first. Someone had helpfully labeled all of them. Surprisingly, it had footage, though it was black and white. There was a scientist in a lab coat. Alex pushed play. The footage looked original and like it had been taken with some really old-school equipment and later transferred.
"I am Dr. Alastair Allen, head of this division of CBDE. We are looking into the research conducted by the Nazis under a strict secrecy order. The base was built to look like a Nazi bunker to throw off investigators. After all, any Nazi bunker in England has to be a hoax, does it not? I made these tapes in hope that someone, anyone would use our research for the greater good. I only agreed to this project to stop the atrocities that would occur if this were run only by the intelligence forces. Some of the things we were asked to look into are beyond unethical…
Alex watched until the end of the tape. He wished he could say he was surprised. Some of it looked pretty harmless, like medical stuff. Some of it was closer to something SCORPIA would do. The doctor seemed a little optimistic for Alex's taste, but it was the beginning of the story. Alex hoped nothing bad happened to him, but judging from the time period it would be too late to help even if something did. Alex put in the second drive. They didn't seem to hold a lot of memory, but having the video diary of the scientist was kind of spectacular. By the third or fourth tape, the doctor (who was rising in Alex's estimation) was visibly horrified by his own research. The man described the conflict in his love for science and the fact that this was a perversion of what was meant to be ethical research. Apparently, the man's complaints and petitions fell on deaf ears (within the department, nothing was allowed outside 'interference' without authorization). Most of them ended up describing experiments or theories that were slightly beyond Alex. Alex decided to skip to the last one (there were dozens of them). He wondered what had happened to the man, and he could always catch up on the science later.
I am Dr. Alastair Allen and I have been the head of the black operations research facility for twelve years…..
Some days, I wonder whether it was worth it. My family died in an accident I suspect was planned. I fully committed to my research, but now… No more. We are being shut down after I sent a fraction of evidence to a government worker. I fully expect to die very soon, but I leave these tapes in hopes that one day the atrocities committed in the name of research and security would be known. I regret ever allowing it to go as far as it did. Use them, learn from my mistakes. Above all, never trust anyone with the secrets you now possess. Many would kill to possess these as either blackmail or research. Also, upload this to the mainframe computer. The reason the videos are so short is that these drives contain a second, hidden program, which will activate a completely new purpose for the mainframe. My finest work in programming and intelligence networking lies within. In short, I am giving you my brainchild. Goodbye and good luck.
Well, that was unexpected. Alex could safely say he hadn't been this surprised in years. Although, if what the man was implying was true… Artificial intelligence was real. He wondered what the purpose of it was. He had no doubt that the man died in some sort of horrible 'accident', particularly since this was during and perhaps shortly after it. Alex decided to look it up later. Alex carefully removed the flash drive and stuck them all back in his backpack before clearing the computer of its download history. Useful, that. He really should send Smithers a thank you note. He wondered if he hadn't gone a little overboard during his conversation with Blunt. Alex wondered if it would come up with Ian or if Blunt would conveniently forget to tell him. No matter, Alex would bring it up with Ian. Just in case, he decided to make a file with the dear doctor's videos to send to everybody in the event he died unexpectedly. He decided to not tell Yassen about this. He'd have enough lectures on impulse control as it was. Alex knew for a fact that Ian had recording devices in the living room and for once he was thankful his uncle was horrifically paranoid. He downloaded a tape of the conversation onto a new separate flash drive, with his own recording afterward to show his reaction (he may have played up his age a bit, but the whole point of a burn video was to make the other guy look as bad as possible). If Alan Blunt decided to kill him after about two days from now, he'd have the whole world asking for blood. I knew I did a good job picking you, you devious shit. Death actually sounded affectionate. Thanks? It was a compliment. Credit where credit is due, my dear Lexi. Death, I have school work. Cheers. I have to run, you just complicated my paperwork. You run? Glide is more accurate. Alex sighed and went back to his schoolwork.
Alex spent a few days with his 'insurance policy' before Crawley started getting suspicious. Not that anyone knew about it. It was specifically set to go out when either his death certificate went through or he went missing for more than six months. He wasn't really sure about activating the computer's other unknown functions, but his curiosity was beginning to overwhelm his common sense. What harm could a computer program that was written by a scientist who had an actual moral compass (as far as he could tell) do? Crawley was standing in the doorway when he went out to 'walk the dog'. In his defense, Fenrir got plenty of exercise when they went exploring together. "I'm coming with you and Scooby." Alex snorted.
"You sure? The exercise might be a bit brutal." Damn, he couldn't go to his base today. Oh well, there were plenty of other things to do. He could check out bars (from the outside). There were plenty of street gangs to observe (knowing who would sell firearms was always nice).
"I'm not that old." Alex shrugged. Crawley wondered if Alex was normally this quiet or just super awkward around acquaintances. As he and the 'dog' walked Crawley couldn't help but feel apprehensive.
"Are you mad at me or something?" In his defense, most people never shut up.
"Not all. I just prefer not to talk a lot." Crawley sighed. It was his problem. Silence reminded him of his work a little too much. Then again, Alex had never demonstrated anything less than perfect manners during the lessons he was helping the kid out with (after dinner, he had a job and Ian's paperwork to deal with). He supposed he believed the kid. Maybe they could bring the chatterbox next time? That Tom kid could really talk. Incessantly. On second thought, he liked Alex just fine like this.
'Rusty', as he was known on the street, was house monitoring. More precisely, he was looking for a house to steal from. He figured it would be an easy target. The other guy was gone and the house was frequently unoccupied or only partially occupied. On the other hand, a lot of people lived there. Maybe a holdup would be best? Maybe not. But then, he was called Rusty for a reason. His red hair and his lack of skill. Rusty had been to jail a grand total of thirty times for petty theft. Most hadn't resulted in a conviction, mainly because it was more money to prosecute him for the people he stole from than said item was worth. Needless to say, he was considered one of the local pests by law enforcement. Most of them seemed to take a vindictive glee in cuffing him and shoving him into the back of their car. At any rate, he was watching. Since the house looked empty, he decided to go for it. He didn't really want to have to try with the really big dog inside. He sighed as he prepared to break the lock. He personally preferred the windows, but it was risky unless you were about to leave. Breaking glass was one of his favorite parts of the robbery, albeit not the most subtle. Unfortunately for 'Rusty', one of the neighbors who couldn't mind their own business to save their life spotted him obviously breaking in. In a fit of civic concern, she texted the nice young boy who lived there. She didn't think to call the police, but she did warn Alex. Such a nice boy, so polite and serious. She'd even watched him tend to the gardens. That family kept to themselves, she knew. She hoped he wasn't in the house. The neighbor decided to get some tea to soothe her suddenly dry mouth and pray he wasn't in the house.
Alex was surprised to say the least when his neighbor texted him about a robbery in progress. Then again, the lady really couldn't quit 'spying' on them. Alex suspected she was in dire need of a new hobby or a pet. At least it came in handy this time around. "Hey Crawley, let's head back now." Alex couldn't really think of a non-alarming way to say that they might be in need of a body bag and a clean-up crew, so he decided to wait and see if the thief was in when they got their before alarming the man. He felt the gun he wore concealed, before taking off at a brisk pace towards the house. Alex caught Crawley's muffled swearing as he followed. Really, it was just a bit of running. Alex caught Crawley's incredulous stare as he made it back to the house without really breathing hard or sweating much. Staying in shape had some wonderful benefits. As Crawley went for the door, Alex froze. "Stop!" Crawley froze on instinct. The kid's voice sounded similar enough to his uncle and long-dead father's that it got a response.
"What is it, Ia-Alex?" Alex noticed the door was unlocked.
"Someone's in there and they picked the lock," Crawley swore quietly and drew his firearm. Alex decided it was a great time to get his out. He saw the man's eyes widen further when Alex used the SAS hand signals to gesture at him to take the left side. Ian was going to explain this one. Alex thought it was rather fortunate he actually had someone on his side this time, instead of having to fight alone. The door was quietly pushed inward. Crawley and Alex heard the guy trip and exchanged a glance. That narrowed it down. They silently ascended the stairs. Crawley made sure his whisper was quiet enough to be heard just by Alex - the thief was still cursing loudly.
"Where did you learn those?" Alex rolled his eyes.
"Ian. Do we want him alive or not?" Crawley shot him a look.
"Yes." Alex shrugged. He was just checking.
Alex flipped the door to the room the man was in and fired four times, instinctively. One bullet for each limb. He didn't miss. Crawley felt his mouth drop open. He hadn't seen shooting like that since back in the SCORPIA days. Instinctive firing. Oh, God. Alex was eleven. Jesus Christ. He hadn't missed either. Cotton Eye Joe wasn't going anywhere. What? He was under stress. "Crawley, call the police or whoever it is that handles these things". Crawley answered.
"Yes, Ian." In his defense, it was instinctive, ok?
"We don't even look that alike, Crawley." Then he realized what he'd said.
"Sorry, it's a habit." Alex sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Just make the call and have it cleaned up by the time the others get home, yeah?" Crawley sighed and made the call to get this joker down to MI6 headquarters.
"Alex, what kind of gun is it?" Alex had been carrying the Sig that day.
"SIG-Sauer P228." He'd gotten it off the school idiot. It had a better and loving home now. Crawley felt a small sense of relief. Thank God for small miracles. Ian would kill him if word got out about Alex's shooting abilities. Crawley handed him his gun after wiping the prints.
"Switch and wipe the prints off yours." Alex shrugged. If Crawley was covering for him, he wouldn't complain.
"What about gunshot residue?" Crawley looked at him.
"Do you by any chance have gunpowder in the house?" Alex almost laughed. He went to his nearest hiding spot and grabbed the packet out of the vase.
"Here." Crawley decided he really didn't want to know.
"Will they check your serial number?" Crawley shrugged.
"Nope, we just all have official ones and go by forensics and most senior operatives have unregistered firearms anyway." Alex seemed satisfied about that.
It took the team fifteen minutes to get there. Crawley handcuffed the guy (not that he was going anywhere with two kneecaps, an elbow, and his hand shot through) before they both sat in a chair with tea. The man had loudly termed himself as Rusty and proceeded to curse them into oblivion. Alex felt his trigger finger twitch. He sighed and got out the duct tape before tossing it to Crawley. Crawley had just shot him an amused look. "Naw, we might learn a few new ones." Alex rolled his eyes.
"I went to primary school remember. Besides, you can find really obscure swears in the dictionary." They just ignored the next stream of speculations about their parentage, ethnic identity, and sexual orientation. When the team finally got there, Alex got up to leave the room. Crawley lightly grabbed his shoulder.
"Witness statement." Crawley figured it was better to treat him as something closer to Ian than Tom or another civilian. Ian tended to forget these things, too. The four people filed into the room. To Crawley's surprise, Jones and Baxter were there. Along with the usual staff, came the man who Ian had described to him as Gregson. Alex suppressed a groan and sat down. Looks like it was the month for MI6 to be entering his home. His dog was giving all of them the evil eye.
"Err, who are all of you? Besides Mrs. Jones, I mean." They all introduced themselves. Alex vaguely recognized most of them from the files of important people in MI6 he'd looked at, but he wasn't about to say so. They introduced themselves. Gregson looked awkward.
"Mr. Crawley-" Crawley interrupted him.
"Agent. Alex is in the know due to special circumstances." Baxter (Alex had come up with at least one uncomplimentary nickname in record time for him) looked more interested in Fenrir, of all things. Alex remembered with a jolt that it had been him in charge of the project. Yeah, it just wasn't his night.
"Your dog is very well-behaved." Alex pets Fenrir and felt him tense at the man's voice. Alex suddenly had a good idea who had hurt him.
"Thank you, Deputy Director Baxter. It tends to help when he's fed regularly and treated well." Alex's tone could have frozen the sun. Jones decided to interject.
"Alex, Deputy Director Baxter and Agent Gregson are here for a meeting on internal matters." Alex mentally rolled his eyes.
"Black Ops?" Crawley wondered why they even bothered.
"Yep." Alex had really only asked as a formality. The wolf was eyeing the charming gentleman with no small amount of bloodlust.
"Fenrir, no biting." The wolf let out a huff that seemed disappointed. Crawley's gaze was rapidly switching his gaze between Fenrir, Alex, and Baxter. Alex decided to give the man a break.
"Fenrir, dinner time." The 'dog' let out a happy yip and ran down the stairs. Alex followed at a slightly more sedated pace. Baxter waited a moment and followed. Sue him, but he was curious. Alex had done the math for the amount of food his 'dog' would need per week and had settled for daily feedings of smaller portions. Baxter watched incredulously as the boy fed the monster raw meat from the freezer after thawing it in the microwave. The thing was even letting out little purrs of joy. He'd watched those things rip through body armored agents like tissue paper. Alex decided to switch to German when the wolf froze at the man's approach. "It's ok, baby wolf, I will protect you." Fenrir thumped his tail against Alex's side. The wolf gave him its best puppy dog eyes. "Alright, I will try, fierce one." Alex sighed and put himself in between his 'dog' and the MI6 man.
"Interesting. How many languages does he take commands in?" Alex raised an eyebrow.
"As many as I know."
He saw a faint ghost of annoyance on the man's face. Alex figured he was just out of practice. Annoying powerful people just by breathing was meant to be his specialty. Fenrir seemed to learn with Alex, as far as he could tell. Or perhaps he just understood the intent behind the words and not the words in and of themselves. "You're kind of irritating aren't you?" Alex withheld his smirk.
"Only to the nosy people. Besides, you did all just kind of barge in." Baxter's eyes flash. Blunt was better at icy stoicism.
"Why would he pick you, of all people to obey?" Alex shrugged. He assumed the man meant Fenrir.
"Maybe because I was nice. Maybe because I treated him as more than a tool. Maybe because I raised him as my own. Who knows? But I guess the point I'm trying to make here is: Who cares? You failed at raising a pet. I didn't. Story over." The man's eyes seemed to dance with an intensity that made Alex question his sanity.
"On the contrary, that isn't half of it." Alex did his best to sound placid. He should really be better at acting than this.
"Your point?" The man huffed.
"I guess it isn't really important. I'm just curious." Alex could call a bluff when he saw one, but he decided to humor the man. It was more that he suspected Ian was involved with this lot than actual respect.
"You should play more poker. On an alternate note, I just found him one day. I took him home, treated his injuries, get a steady food supply going and hid him in the closet until one of my guardians figured it out. We then got him vaccinated and registered as a husky mix." Baxter couldn't resist a snort.
"Husky mix, do people actually buy this shit?" Alex rolled his eyes.
"The vet did a wonderful job of 'buying' it. It probably helped he wasn't full size. I tell the neighbors he might be part Great Dane or something. You'd be surprised." Baxter just shook his head and switched to the incident report.
Alex breathed a sigh of relief when everybody but he and Crawley had left. "Has anyone ever told you that you're a disrespectful-?"
Alex smirked and cut him off. "Shit. Yes, I know. I just don't respect people who abuse animals, Crawley."
Crawley sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "You realize they could make your life really uncomfortable, right?"
Alex shrugged. "I wouldn't fan the flames if I didn't think I could take the heat, Crawley. Besides, my point still stands. If they're going to ruin the life of an eleven-year-old for being a bit cheeky, I'm of the opinion they don't deserve their position."
Crawley sighed again. "It's like you don't feel fear or something."
Alex shrugged. In truth, it was death he no longer feared. "I do, rest assured, but I refuse to give in or back down just because some trumped up bureaucratic frogs are on a power trip."
Crawley's mouth dropped open. "ALEX! They could very well be listening."
Alex laughed, slightly madly. "Let them, Crawley. The only thing they can't torture or blackmail into someone is respect. Plus, even you have to admit that lot has the combined charisma of a dead undertaker."
Crawley couldn't help his snort at that. "True, but don't say it to their faces. And seriously, quit pissing off government officials and terrorists."
Alex grinned. "But Crawley, what else is there to do when they are hopelessly interfering. Suck it up and scowl?"
Crawley gave him the evil eye. "Exactly, you sarcastic shit."
Alex let his cheesy grin remain. "So if I piss off the government officials or the terrorists-"
Crawley moaned before yelling. "ALEX!" Alex just sauntered off. The wolf was looking smug. Crawley groaned again after Alex exited the room. "He's going to be the death of me, I swear."
Jack Starbright sighed once again as she spotted the fact that Ian Rider was still on a business trip. Honestly, that man- Jack decided she was better off not completing that thought. Alex was certainly glad that the man was gone when his friends and Jack arrived. Alex raised an eyebrow as James Hale unexpectedly walked in. "Alex, I thought I'd come to visit, you being a new recluse after all."
There was the friend he'd really cared for. "James. Good to see you."
James walked up and hugged him. "So, how is the ol' homeschooling going?"
Alex groaned theatrically. "It's worse than real school."
James grinned. "Serves you right for abandoning us."
Alex swatted his friend. "But Jamie, you're supposed to sit there and let out comforting, manly grunts."
James grinned. "Not your boy, Rider. You see, unlike you, I like girls."
Alex laughed out loud. "Oh, James. You detected my devious plot to convert you to the devil."
It was an inside joke between them ever since their (rather disastrous) trip to a (particularly homophobic) church. James shook his head. "I still can't believe you never go in trouble for that."
Crawley sat down in the armchair. "You guys are explaining that."
James grinned. "Oh, 'tis an epic story of grand proportions." Alex rolled his eyes. Jack and Jerry looked like they were barely avoiding laughter as it was and Tom hadn't quit snorting for several minutes. James began. "So the school district in their ever resplendent wisdom decided to take us ungodly heathens to the annual church trip a year earlier than normal."
Crawley made a go on gesture. Alex took up the reins. "Well, they decided to do a standard Catholic ceremony, which as everyone knows takes hours. They also had us 'volunteer' during it. Probably so we wouldn't fall asleep, but I digress."
Tom grins. "So Alex gets this idea to help the nuns make it more interesting. Poor thing, he really was only trying to help."
James rolled his eyes. "So Alex decided to use the holy oil to set the staging and part of the altar on fire."
Alex blushed slightly. "Do we have to tell him?"
James rolled his eyes. "Yes."
Crawley interrupted since he wanted the rest of the story. "So, right as the priest got to the part about how all gays would burn in hell, Alex light up the trails of fire. Everyone just sort of sat there and stared until it got near the rivets."
Alex's lips twitched. "Well, the service was riveting."
They all groaned at that pun. "So what happened next?"
James grinned. "Fortunately, Padre was very forgiving once he found out about Alex's pure and good intentions. He even let the school come back the next few years."
Crawley laughed. "Oh, and Alex?'
Alex grinned. "Yes, James?" James' grin turned shit-eating. "The service wasn't riveting, it was inflammatory."
Alex groaned at the pun. He'd just been out-punned. Crawley smirked. "Actually, I think we can all agree that it was Alex's help attempt that turned out to go down in flames."
Jack rolled her eyes. "And on that note, I'm cooking to escape the puns, cooking."
Jack's dislike of the activity was legendary. Jack left the room. "So, James, Tom, Jerry, how is that school thing?"
They all grinned and began to regale him with the latest gossip around the school. Surprisingly, Jerry knew the most about what was going on. Then again, they tended to tell the older students more about what was going on administration-wise. He would never have pegged any of them as the school gossip collectors. His classmates had even attempted a few ill-advised pranks in a poor imitation of the 'mysterious' hacker. He had a feeling the trio knew it was him. "And then Mr. Bray was all like -"
Jack's yell interrupted them. "Boys! Dinner!"
They all assembled around the kitchen table. James decided to ask. "So Alex, What did you do besides homeschool work?"
Alex tried to bring up something that sounded normal. Somehow, he thought that being collateral for a drug dealer and helping out a criminal organization connect with a new recruit would get child services called. Well, there were a few things… "Well, James…"
The doorbell suddenly rang. Alex rose and Fenrir followed. "I'll get it."
There was a delivery man at the door. "Mr. Rider?"
Alex sighed. "Which one?"
The man huffed. "I was told either would do. Special delivery."
Alex shrugged. "I'll sign for it."
The package looked small and unassuming. In the spy world, that meant squat. It wasn't ticking at least. The paper looked foreign, and not the kind Alex recognized. He thanked the man and shut the door. "Crawley! We've got another weird-ass package! Can you check it?!"
Alex figured he may as well let the man do his job for once. Crawley came about as fast as Alex had ever seen the man move. "What is it with you, Ian, and fu- er, weirdos? And language!"
Considering the man was about to say 'fucking terrorists', Alex was going to ignore that. Crawley sighed. "At least it isn't ticking."
Jack paled. "Don't even joke. We got a severed head! A severed head!"
Jack still looked slightly hysterical at the thought. The table was quickly cleared. Crawley decided to go ahead and use clear sheeting, just in case. You could never be too careful. "Alright, everyone grab gloves."
James' eyes widened. "Is this a normal thing around here?"
Crawley didn't miss a beat. "Only for packages from unknown senders. It could be anything, you know."
James looked really weirded out but thankfully pulled on the gloves. To Alex's relief, it had an ordinary letter and a bunch of pictures in one of the bendy, multi-sided frames with a lot of pictures that they usually sold to families. The first one Alex noticed was a picture of a man who looked strikingly like him in a tux, with a smiling woman in a wedding dress. It had to be his father and mother. Crawley sighed. "That's John, your father, and Helen, your mother." Alex decided to open the letter before looking at any more of the pictures. It was one of the few pictures he'd ever seen in both lives of his parents.
Dear Alex and Ian Rider,
You are formally invited to the family reunion in Kabul, Afghanistan. We hope you attend and have sent you some pictures as a gesture of goodwill since it has been a while. I hope to receive some pictures in return. The area is in conflict, but as long as you stay in the appropriate areas, we should be safe. As Alex was probably not been told much about us, I've included descriptions as well. I am Patrick Beckett, your grandfather. Your grandmother is deceased. Your aunt is Marion and your other uncle is named Darian. Marion adopted two children, Lillian and Jason (two and four years older). As for why we have never met, suffice to say that our family and yours did not get along very well, even when your father and mother were alive. I hope to get to know you despite this. Know that above all else, we will help you if you need it. I look forward to the meeting in person.
Your Grandfather,
Patrick
"Well, that was interesting." Was Alex's first response. Jack sighed.
"Kabul, really? Why not a safer place?" Alex shrugged.
"They do live there, Jack." Jack sighed.
"I still don't like it. You better call me every day." Alex smiled softly.
"I will." He shrugs and puts the pictures in his room.
"Does anybody have a camera?" He decided to try, even if Ian wouldn't or couldn't.