Chapter 40: An Explosive New Year Part One

After a few more days in Moscow, Alex and his relatives ended up taking the overnight train to St. Petersburg. They apparently slept through all one of the wake-up calls and had to literally run out of a moving train. Fortunately, none of them left anything behind, although Marion was uttering some pretty creative Russian swears directed at the train driver. Ian was glaring a hole in her back by the time she was done. Patrick and Darian were rolling their eyes. They all found a restaurant that wasn't open and borrowed their outdoor tables to eat at. Alex bolted his breakfast down in record time and went to brush his teeth. Marion was done shortly after him. He got back from the public restroom as fast as he could manage. Lily was still eating and gave him a bemused look. "Shut up."

She pulled an innocent face that Alex didn't believe for a second. "I didn't say anything."

Alex rolled his eyes. "You were thinking it."

Lilly squawked. "What, so now you're the thought police? I thought you believed in freedom of speech and all that rot."

Alex rolled his eyes. "Yes, but I also reserve the right to tell you to be quiet."

Ian's cough interrupted them. "Alright, you two, we actually need to get to the hotel before midnight."

Alex let out a cough that sounded oddly like the word hypocrite before grabbing the trash and walking it over to the nearest trash can. Ian flushed slightly but didn't concede the point. Patrick stood along with the rest of them. "Well, we will see you in the family lodgings in five days' time. Or else."

On that pleasant note, the five of them departed into the crowd. "That pushy old-"

Alex decided to cut Ian off. "Aren't you supposed to be watching your language, Ian?"

His uncle huffed. "He moved the date up, again."

Alex rolled his eyes. Ian's aversion to the extended family was probably not going away anytime soon. The two of them exited the train station, not noticing the pair of dark eyes that followed them.

Nile was (admittedly) not the best person to lecture people on taking risks, but he knew surveilling the spy family was risky. He hadn't asked for backup or even told anyone where he was going. He'd done well in negotiations and his boss had given him the next few days to himself. Blondie watch it was. Nile was watching the kid and his uncle and had tagged them with a bug he'd taken off an agent he'd killed in the past few months. Chase was the kind of guy who didn't care what you did with your time off. Rothman had been the micromanaging sort. It was a bit of a change, but not an unwelcome one. The uncle's knowledge of Russia was actually kind of impressive. Hey, he had nothing better to do. Getting drunk wasn't an option. He wouldn't touch drugs unless his life depended on it. Nile got the feeling that the presentation was for Blondie's benefit. The nickname was still fixed in his mind for the boy. Plus, the family drama was like watching a real-life mix of action movie and drama. Then a guy who looked like he could be Blondie's father (if Nile didn't know better) walked up to the two of them. He shifted slightly to get a better view. What did a high-ranking Russian want with the spy family? This was way better than TV or Rothman's ghastly parties. Boy Scout (otherwise known as Ian Rider) looked really pissed, as in about to murder the guy on the spot. Trouble in paradise? Well, raising your kid to be your spy partner, but who was counting? Nile wasn't blind. Then again, he wouldn't want any normal kid around him either. Time to tune in. His listening device still hadn't been noticed. Or the kid didn't want to remove it for some reason. Nile wondered about the battery life on the thing but hadn't wanted to risk asking about it. His bosses were the paranoid type. Nile was also pretty new, even for a second-in-command. They didn't exactly have a long lifespan, but Nile figured it was longer than the guy who turned it down.

"Mr. Rider, such a stunning coincidence to see you here, in my country."

Blondie shifted slightly. Boy Scout still looked furious. "General Sarov, so nice to see you outside of a murder investigation."

Even Nile could tell the man was being sarcastic. The man wasn't the best liar when his temper kicked in. Then again, Sarov had enough power to make their lives considerably more difficult if the man chose to. "Enjoying your family vacation, I hope."

Ian stepped between Blondie and the general. "Quite, General."

Sarov's eyes rested almost completely on Blondie, as though Rider was an afterthought. Nile didn't blame the man. Here he was, listening in from afar. Then again, Sarov wasn't a wanted criminal. "And how have you been liking Russia, young man?"

Alex thanked his lucky stars Sarov was sticking to English. "It's a very beautiful place, if a bit cold."

The general chuckled. "Indeed. I shall be along. The minister is hosting a party and it would be impolitic of me not to attend."

Alex mentally repressed his actual reaction. Ian was pissed enough as it was. Sarov walked off. Alex wondered which minister it was. Or if that part even mattered, since most of the leadership would be going anyway. "Well, shit."

Nile was still staring into his scope. His comment was directed at nobody in particular. So, Blondie knew the paranoid old commie. Figures. Blondie was a trouble magnet. Yassen and he included. Nile sighed as he got a text. It was from his boss. Apparently, Chase wanted him back early. Oh, well. It wasn't like he had a life. Nile cleaned up his gear and shifted some snow over where he'd been sitting. He was willing to bet the spy family had a bullet or two for anyone who dared spy on their precious children. Nile really, really didn't want to have to deal with that. The final piece of equipment went into a case that closed with a snap. He'd better go see what Chase wanted this time. It was always something. Plus, SCORPIA was always expanding and serving clients.

Alex relaxed after the general was out of sight. He was still the guy who tried to nuke half of Europe in his mind. Ian looked at him funny. "I told you so."

Alex rolled his eyes. "You're still paranoid, Ian."

Ian huffed. "I have a reason to be, Mr. Trouble Magnet."

Alex grinned. "Hi, pot, this is kettle. We're both still black."

Ian swatted him with a half-smile on his face. "Brat."

Alex retorted. "Grumpy old man."

Ian raised an eyebrow. "We'll see about that."

Alex rolled his eyes. "I know, I know. It's the dodgy family activity at the shady farm you won't tell me about."

Ian snorted. "It is not that shady."

Alex resisted an eye roll. "Sure, Ian, just keep telling yourself that. You might even believe it yourself one day."

Ian shrugged and pretended his nephew didn't have a point. He'd decided they'd see a one Russian Orthodox Church, the Hermitage, and the Catherine Palace. The Hermitage would take a few days by itself. The place was basically the Russian version of the Louvre. As in extremely massive and with a lot of old stuff inside a palace of a former ruler. The Catherine Palace had the Amber Room. Ian figured they should see at least one church, even if he personally was anti-religion. Ian sighed. Patrick was being a grouch, again. He'd better not try to interfere this summer. Ian was letting Alex pick what they would do. It was new for him - not picking the vacation. Ian had faith Alex wouldn't pick some war-torn shithole, like Somalia. They were walking the streets. It was almost nightfall. The days in St. Petersburg were very short during the winter due to the latitude of the city. Alex sighed. "Sundown already?"

Ian shrugged. "Look on the bright side, it means we can have longer night exercises."

Alex gave the man a look. Ian tried not to chuckle at Alex's sour expression. He was failing. "Sure, laugh it up. Just for that, I'm going to do my best to make sure you're the first one out of whatever game we're playing."

Ian felt his massive competitive streak activate. "Sure, you're on, nephew dearest."

Alex finished the snowball he'd been covertly forming. Thud! He'd hit Ian at nearly point-blank range and took off towards the hotel. The lobby was in sight before he felt something cold hit his back. He grinned. Ian was definitely lightening up.

The next few days were really nice if a bit of a rushed blur. It was the sheer amount of what they were seeing. It really was nice, though. The Hermitage reminded him of the Louvre. Alex had enjoyed the story behind why the place had so many paintings. It was huge and a bit overwhelming. He'd convinced Ian to explore the Egyptian section with him on the second day, though. There was only so much Rembrandt and Matisse even he could take. He might be almost eighteen mentally, but he still had a bit of an obsession with Egyptian artifacts. Hey, they were cool looking. And they had one of the first writing systems. Plus, they had mummies and some of the most complicated funeral rites in history. He remembered most of the polytheistic religion, too. Alex vaguely wondered which religion had gotten the closest to the truth. He'd met Death, after all. The personage (god?man?primordial?) had let slip that Fate existed and others as well. Alex figured he could look into it once he'd finished his other, more pressing tasks. Leave it alone, Shortstack. Why? Some things will draw unpleasant side effects. How can just knowing something change a person? I think you know already. True. Shortstack, some things...you shouldn't go looking for answers to. Why not? There's a reason so many mythologies feature smited curious people, you know. Your minds aren't meant for some things and others...my people don't want others to know. Why? Even gods can die, Lexie. Drop it. Will you tell me after I die? Maybe. You have to be around for a while to really get some concepts, though. What is that supposed to mean? Would you have understood calculus or ethics as a five-year-old? No. Exactly. Rest assured, it's not your intelligence I doubt. Your sense of self-preservation on the other hand… Shut up, Grim. Sure, I'll go back to paperwork then. Do you know how many near suicides happen at Christmas? Alex rolled his eyes and returned to his staring at the part of an image he recognized as Anubis. How fitting. Ian was looking at him oddly. "What?"

Ian shrugged. "Nothing. You know, if you like it that much we can break in and steal it?"

Alex felt his mouth drop open. "Ian!"

His uncle grinned. "What? It's the Russians, Alex."

Alex snorted. "No. Siberian prison camp is not at all appealing, Ian."

Yassen would kill him, too. Ian shrugged. "Moving on…"

Yassen Gregorovich had his usual array of Christmas assassinations lined up. Christmas and New Year's tended to bring a lot of grumpy rich people together and usually some of them ended up with enough motive to call him in. Ah, the lives of the rich and famous. True, he was wealthy, but it wasn't like he was in with the old money sort. Yassen didn't really care. Alex was in Russia. He'd rather not have to go back to that shithole anytime soon, or ever really. Rhea was still in school. She had a few lessons she still needed to take. There was only so much you could teach someone on your own. Three was still trying to convince him to stay during the holidays. You really could mistake him for a harmless old school teacher, if you didn't know better. Cossack was personally convinced the man had some sort of odd attachment to the idea of him teaching. Alas, every time he saw a class, he wanted to punch something or someone fatally. He'd been at the edge of his patience with Rhea as it was. It wasn't her fault. Yassen just had a hard time standing human company for any length of time, Alex excluded. Cossack vaguely wondered if Alex was just that charming or it was Hunter's memory. At any rate, he was avoiding Three's invitation by packing his schedule for the holidays. Booked solid for the next three months, oh dear. He was sure Three could live with his repeated turndowns. The man was entirely too interfering for his tastes and they both knew it. Yassen wondered if it had to do with Rothman's death. She wasn't the most popular of the board members, although Grendel was fond of her. Yassen was of the opinion the man was going senile, but was certainly not going to say so, especially as he was the unofficial head of SCORPIA. In theory, the board members were equal. In practice, it tended to depend. Three had hated her the most, with Kurst being a close second; Yassen suspected a personal vendetta of some sort or politics gone awry. At any rate, he was going to drop the news over the phone on his way to Indonesia. Nice and far away. Three was not the kind of man you disappointed on his territory. Plus, Yassen wouldn't put cooking up an 'urgent assignment' past the Doctor.

Doctor Three had long ago quit using his real name among his associates. It led to too many complications. Plus, he was no longer like the person he had once been. A new name for a new life. It made sense. Unlike some things. Cossack was still his usual antisocial self. He had originally been a medical doctor, of course. There had been a good deal of drama involved in his job lately. Rothman had never been his favorite college. Grendel had been fond of her, but he'd never understood the appeal. Everybody knew that Kroll would have to be killed eventually. Chase was interesting. He had a good combination of hands-off and hands-on. Three preferred to focus on his research, torture. It tended to unnerve people, but that generally worked to his advantage. There hadn't been a spy through the school since John Rider. A man whose skill he could appreciate, even if he had been a traitor. Three hadn't taken it personally. It was the man's job, after all. Speaking of gifted operatives, Pierre was interesting. The Doctor suspected the analysts' estimation of the man's age was high. Three had read the notes and acknowledged that the man did an excellent job of acting about forty. There was something off about it. Then he'd checked it over again. The taunts were what did it. Forty-year-old operatives were serious, generally speaking. This felt like a young man's taunts. Chase was playful, but not the norm. Three estimated the man's age at (a rather cynical) twenty. Just his suspicions, of course. Pierre excelled at dancing just out of reach. Three wondered what kind of life would lead to a man with that level of skill. He was entertaining, however, whatever his actual age. It was enjoyable to watch him drive Chase into obsession. Strictly speaking, he couldn't begrudge the man the hobby of messing with the man's mind. It was one of his favorite pastimes as well. Chase always reacted. It was rather like poking a beehive or an anthill at times. You might get stung, but the frenzy was entertaining. Alec had a way of sounding functionally insane. Three would be the first to tell you that people who were neurotypical did not usually do well as assassins. Pierre seemed more like someone who had started out fairly normal. Three wondered what had happened. For him, it had been the death of his family that had started him on his path. Revenge changed people, and he was no exception.

Alex Rider was sad to have to leave the main area of St. Petersburg for the farms in the outskirts. It was a lot colder and there were a lot less people in the area. The place was almost completely white, with the occasional brown trunk of a tree Alex assumed was alive. He'd never seen this much white outside of a hospital in his life. The temperature was at the point that you could easily die of exposure in less than an hour. Alex was surprised to find that freshly fallen snow actually sparkled in the low light and as it hit the ground. It was beautiful, if annoying to trudge through. Ian brought him to a well-lit farmhouse. Alex wondered if the relatives had thought this out. Probably. He missed the part of the lecture where this was beneficial to his health. Alex was pretty sure his face was actually frozen. They stepped inside and the air was so warm it almost burned to stand in after the cold. The fire flickered in the fireplace. The sun was setting, even though it was barely four o'clock in the afternoon. Patrick and the rest were in the living room. "Any later and we would have to send a search party."

Ian huffed. The man looked far too smug for Alex's liking. "Maybe that was intentional."

Alex rolled his eyes and sat down next to his cousins. Let the games begin. Marion interjected. "Maybe you're a piece of shit."

Darian sighed. "Hey kids, let's go see the bedrooms upstairs."

He was shocked the man actually cared enough to intercede. Alex was grateful for the exit.

The arguing was commencing downstairs. Darian sighed. "We fully stocked them for you three."

Alex shrugged. "They aren't really that interesting."

Darion snorted. "Better than ignoring those three and staring at the wall paint, isn't it?"

Alex frowned. "Have you considered moving out?"

Darian shrugged. "Not really a point. Pops doesn't know the meaning of the word boundaries, anyway."

Alex knew the feeling. The man's lips twitched. "You might find a few things in there to surprise you, anyway. Just take a closer look."

Alex filed into his room with the man. His cousins had opted to settle into their rooms. Alex began to search for hiding spots. Darian was propped against the door. Alex felt himself twitch. "Can I help you?"

Darian shrugged. "You look a lot like your parents."

Alex heaved a sigh. "I thought you didn't meet my father."

Darian raised an eyebrow. "Confession time. I spent the most time with our file on him. I also spied on the wedding across the street."

Alex sat on the bed and found the package wedged between the mattress and the bed frame. "Dude, really?"

Darian shrugged. "Yeah. I thought the hiding place was pretty obvious, too."

Alex resisted the urge to smack the man. "I meant the wedding thing. Why not just go?"

Darian shrugged. "I was banned."

Alex glared at him. "You are a grown-ass adult. Make your own decisions."

His uncle shrugged. "I didn't want to at the time, though. Mostly, I would just never hear the end of it, you know."

Alex opened up the package. "If you want something bad enough, you'll find a way."

Darian shrugged. "Yeah, like you did. Thing is: I'm tired, Alex, really tired. I just want the drama to end, you know."

Alex looked at him. "Don't you cause some of it?"

Darian snorted. "Not really, you might have noticed I usually just keep my mouth shut."

Alex took one look at the package and stared. Knife. Gun. A few other things. Then, there was a set of needles. He promptly threw them at Darian. "I told you, people, already. I. Don't. Torture, People."

Darian had caught them. "You can use them to kill people, too."

Alex raised an eyebrow. Darian twitched. "Fine, fine. Yeah, the primary purpose is torture. You'll have to have your shouting match with Marion after Ian is done."

Alex gave Darian the evil eye. "Or maybe you could grow a spine." Darian stood up and left at that. Alex closed the door. "Honestly."

Alex finished his search of the room before Marion barged in. "You can take your torture lessons and shove them up your ass."

Marion smirked. "It's nice to see you and a happy new year to you, too."

Alex was not in the mood for mind games. "Fuck you."

His aunt smirked. "You're a bit young for my tastes."

Alex sputtered. "I certainly hope so."

Marion sat on his bed and pulled Alex down with her, into a seated position. "What the hell?"

His aunt flipped her hair. Like they hadn't just started arguing. "Discussion time, Lexi."

Alex stared at her like she'd lost her fucking mind. Well, clearly, she'd done that a long time ago, but nobody had done anything about it. "Are you on drugs?"

Marion snorted. "No. You can tell that from my body language anyway."

Alex snapped. "Oh, my bad, you're off your meds. What the fuck does discussion time have to do with my total refusal to take your torture lessons?"

Marion sighed. "You would find out if you quit interrupting me."

Alex huffed. "Fine. This argument is not over, by the way."

Marion gave him a fond look. Did she like arguing? Alex was fairly certain she was actually psychotic. Oh, well, She couldn't be any worse than the nutjobs he ran into due to MI6. He hoped. Marion shrugged and began her 'story' with a question. "Tell me, Alex, what do you think interrogations is about?"

Alex gave her a look. "Answers. People want answers."

Marion sighed. "Yes, dear, but what do you think it is?"

Alex shrugged. "Torturing people until they give up whatever it is you want to know."

Marion snorted. "And there is lesson one, dear. Interrogations are about breaking down someone's resolve about keeping a secret. In the end, they should have replaced that loyalty with a loyalty to you. You can do that in many ways. If they rely on the fact that they are part of a team, convince them that they have been left behind and forgotten and that their team would kill them rather than rescue them. If they are afraid to die, convince them you have no issue killing them if they do not cooperate fast enough. If they have someone they love more than anything, threaten the loved one or even kill them. You get the idea, Alex. Sometimes, you don't even have to break out a knife. Words might do the trick or you can trick them instead."

Marion paused and saw his expression. "Or we can make this more personalized. Tell me, Alex, how do you think your Nile would do when faced with his fear of heights, hmm? Not too well, I would expect."

Alex froze. She did not just do that. "Nile belongs to SCORPIA. I don't know what you are talking about."

Marion snorted. "We'll save that one for Ian, nephew dearest. Now, would you rather explain to Ian why you've been frolicking around with assassins or cooperate with my lessons, which are going to be entirely theoretical at this stage?"

Alex mentally cursed himself for his stupidity. At the same time, this wasn't any worse than the textbooks that he'd had to read on the island. "Fine. I'll cooperate with your fucking lessons, as long as there isn't any practical work."

Marion's eyes held a triumphant, sinister gleam. "Excellent. Now, we should probably head down for dinner before it gets cold."

Alex suppressed his groan and felt his stomach turn. "Oh, Alex?"

Alex paused. "Yes, Marion?"

His aunt gave him a look. "Ian doesn't get to find out about our lessons until after they get done, got it?"

Alex grit his teeth. So much for that plan. "Fine."

Alex left the tempting, but superfluous, 'you bitch' off. They went down the stairs. "Marion?"

His aunt raised an eyebrow. "Yes, dear?"

Alex almost snorted. She could really go from zero to ten and back in less than a minute. "Who knew about this plan of yours?"

Marion looked at him. "Nobody, dear. Made it as I went along. Patrick and Darian will, I suppose. Your cousins likely heard us through the walls."

Alex actually snorted this time. "Everybody but Ian, then. How typical. I'm starting to see why he doesn't want you around."

Marion's eyes flashed with silent fury. "He had no right to keep you away. We're matrilineal, technically speaking."

Alex had a retort. "Technically, dad's lot is patrilineal."

Marion practically hissed. "All the more reason he should have had our input on your education."

Alex tried not to get involved, he really did. He had enough batshit crazy near him to last a lifetime. "I thought he did now."

Marion's answer was cut off as they reached the bottom of the stairs.

Patrick and Ian were at the opposite heads of the table. "Come, children, let us eat."

Marion sat to his right and Alex went to Ian's. "Isn't Marion an adult?"

Patrick raised an eyebrow. "She is my child, no matter her age."

There was a slight hint of affection in the man's voice as he looked at his daughter. Easy to miss, if you weren't looking for it. Ian sighed as the adults looked at him. "I mostly stuck to the history and philosophy."

Patrick cut into his dinner and the rest followed suit. "And his more general education?"

Ian let out a breath. "Alex is studying at a college level and preparing for his GCSEs."

Patrick blinked. "Very well. Combat and the associated arts?"

Ian paused. "Strategy is good. I altered his workouts for an agility based style. Alex should be able to keep up with any exercises or tricks Marion has for him. I'm waiting to start on interrogations until late teens at the earliest. He's passed his level testing in karate. Poisons are more than adequate. Archery and knife-throwing are great. I'll start on some of the extreme sports when he gets more to the point that the equipment will fit him. Alex's shooting is pristine. Sniper training is going to wait a bit. Survival is pristine. Driving is passable. Languages and the college level stuff is ongoing. Alex's stealing is passable."

Patrick considered that for a minute. "Very well. I have no complaints. Darian?"

Darian gave his usual nonchalant shrug. "Kid's ahead."

Marion interjected. "The interrogations should start earlier."

Alex mentally cursed her. Going behind Ian's back, you… Ian snapped. "If you had your way Mossad, we'd start them on that from the cradle. I said no."

Patrick interjected smoothly. "Children. Studies show active killing or torture before the early teens generally have disastrous effects on the psyche. Even then, we take the utmost care that it is never too soon, but not too late."

That silenced them both for a bit. "That reminds me. Alex, see me after dinner. In private."

Ian protested. "I'm his guardian! I should be there."

Patrick gave Ian a look. "This is a talk from grandfather to grandson. I am not a felon. I refuse to be treated like one. Your status as Alex's guardian can easily change, Rider. I. Would. Like. A. Private. Talk. With. My. Grandson. Am I clear?"

Ian placed his fork down with more force than strictly necessary. "Perfectly."

The rest of the meal proceeded in awkward silence. His cousins were staring with wide eyes, glancing between him and the adult drama. Alex mentally sighed. It was like Tom and Jerry all over again. Except with shittier relatives. Mind you, he'd still pull their sorry asses out of trouble, even Marion. Did Yassen have a room free? Because right now, he'd take it.

Alex walked into the living room after procrastinating with his dessert for fifteen minutes later than the rest of the family. He claimed he was enjoying it (it was delicious), but he was really putting off the inevitable. Patrick was the only one in the room. His grandfather was sitting in the chair. Patrick gestured to the opposite chair. "Close the door and sit down. It is time we had a talk."

Alex closed the door, locked it, and sat down in the chair opposite his grandfather. "Just over a year ago, you killed your first man."

Alex mentally bit back his reply. It was true. For this life. "A Mr. Petrov. Terrorist. Wearing a bomb vest and threatening your uncle. You were ten."

Alex sighed as loudly as he could. "I try not to think about it too much, these days."

Patrick let him finish. "Yes, you seem to be suffering a minimum of ill-effects. However, I'm appalled that your uncle did not insist you see a psychotherapist for an assessment at the very least."

Alex gave Patrick a look that questioned his intelligence. "I don't trust anyone MI6 would give me."

His grandfather snorted. "They are second rate, anyhow. I know a few people in the private practice in England."

Alex looked at his grandfather. "I've had a bad experience or two before, you know."

His grandfather ignored that statement. "There is one I believe would suit your needs. Her name is Dr. Belinda Mordant."

Alex vaguely remembered seeing the name somewhere. "Wasn't she the one who almost got murdered by one of her patients and quit her job?"

Patrick smirked. "She'll see you. We just need to plan your approach."

Alex wondered what he'd gotten himself into. "Why can't I just walk into the front door?"

Patrick raised an eyebrow. "Well, you need to pique her interest. Here is our file on her. I'm sure you'll think of something suitable."

Alex took the file. "I blame you if something bad happens because of this."

His grandfather chuckled. "I would expect nothing less."

Alex made to get up. "One more thing, Alex."

Alex sat back down. "Yes?"

Patrick sighed. "You may want to wait on the traditional tattoo until you're older."

Alex snorted. "I figured."

He got up and walked out before gramps could think of something else to bring up.

Ian was hovering outside of the door. "Ian you're paranoid."

Ian rolled his eyes. "Excuse me for being concerned. The last time one of your loony relatives got you alone there was a knife fight and a dead body involved."

Alex snorted. "Patrick is a bit old for knife work."

Ian laughed. "I dare you to say that to his face."

Alex raised an eyebrow. "I'm reckless, Ian, not suicidal. Sorry, you'll have to find another taker."

That would be like telling Yassen he was getting up there in assassin years. Not a good plan. "Plus, they're your relatives, too."

Ian looked offended. "Are not! I'm only the brother-in-law."

Alex rolled his eyes. "Are too. Besides, as long as you have me, you're stuck with them."

Ian groaned and muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like a death threat against his other relatives. Alex grinned. "Don't be like that, Ian. It's not their fault something bad happened to their brain chemistry. It's like blaming people for their depression, Ian."

Ian cuffed him. "Brat, this is serious."

Alex withheld peals of unholy laughter. "So am I, Ian."

Ian's lips were twitching. "I've never heard such an unbelievable pile of shit come out of someone's mouth in my entire life."

Alex smirked. "Is that including or excluding what comes out of yours?"

Ian yelped like he'd been stung. "Alex!"

Alex widened his eyes and gave Ian his best innocent look. "It's my job."

Alex kept the charade up. "Sure, and mine is irritating the ever living crap out of you."

Ian retorted, his eyes shining with tears of laughter. "No, you have to wait until the teen years for that."

Alex smirked. "Well, this is warm-up, Ian. If you can't take the heat now, what are you going to do when the fire comes?"

Ian smirked. "Throw a glass of water on it."

Alex laughed. "At least we'll both know how I get my showers, then."

Ian sputtered. "Alex!"

Alex just snorted. Lilly walked in. "Marion says we're starting early tomorrow."

Alex sighed and mentally prepared himself to sleep with his knife and lock picking set. At this rate, he should get one surgically implanted. "Alright. I'm heading up, then."

Alex waved a goodnight to Ian before following Lilly up.

Alex was sorely tempted to text Yassen but knew the house was probably crawling with surveillance cameras. They could be his relatives. They could be from other people. Alex had no idea whether this belonged to anyone considered worth watching by the Russian intelligence services. He didn't believe the separate rooms were anything more than the illusion of privacy. Especially in his family. Not to mention, they all had or used to have employers that would keep a watch on them. Right now would have been a great time for one of Smithers' inventions. They had all been brilliant. As much as he hated the missions, he couldn't help but lovingly remember the devices (cough, the bike, cough) that probably wouldn't exist unless he built them. They had been custom made for him alone, after all. The man had even gone against Blunt to try to give him some kind of defensive devices. Alex stared out the window. The stars hadn't been this clear in a while. The cities tended to have so much light pollution that you could barely see the brightest ones at all. The moon was clear and bright. Alex decided to check his clothes. Ian had drilled the habit into him. There were two bugs, so he wasn't being a paranoid nutjob. One was Marion's (he'd accidentally found her bug collection at the last family reunion). Nosy little- Alex sighed. He couldn't really talk. The other looked like a slightly larger version of the ones he knew were used by intelligence agencies. He crushed them both. Marion and whoever else it was would have to take it up with him. It was going to be a long night.

Nile started up his (totally not creepy) Blondie watch equipment a few days after Christmas. The bug had quit transmitting a day ago. Darn, he'd thought it would last longer. Or maybe Blondie had found and destroyed it. No, Nile, you're not obsessing at all. Damn it, he was not hearing Blondie in his head. Also, the bug had been blocked for a few hours before it stopped transmitting. Darn. He'd probably missed the interesting stuff. Chase walked in on him. "Something you want to tell me, Nile?"

Nile sighed. "Mr. Chase. I've been taking a leaf out of Cossack's book."

Chase raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Find anyone interesting?"

Nile sighed. "Sort of. I'm trying for something pretty specific, you know."

Chase chuckled. "Oh, I know. If we include Rhea, there are only three known child assassins in the world."

Chase sat down next to him. "Let me know if you want help. Keeping an eye out for potential recruits is part of every senior operative's job. I'd hate to lose out."

Nile gave a mental sigh of relief. Rothman would have had kittens. "You've got time, too. You are still very young."

Chase rested a hand on his shoulder. It took almost everything he had not to flinch away. "It took Gregorovich almost fifteen years to pick someone. Don't be too discouraged."

Nile was almost amused that his boss was trying to be comforting. If Nile didn't know better, he'd be almost reassured. "Thinking of Pierre, sir?"

Chase removed the hand. "That man, I swear, I've never met anyone like the slippery snarky piece of shit."

Chase was smiling almost manically. "You don't sound terribly upset, sir."

Chase actually laughed. "Oh, I'm not. He's terribly amusing, you know. Plus, he's playing with us. I almost look forward to the day we have him surrounded."

Nile was curious. "Do you think we would send him to the island?"

Chase tilted his head to the side. "It would depend. Besides, I have a funny feeling that most of it would be redundant. Plus, he'd have as much to teach us as we would him."

Chase seemed to be in one of his rare talkative moods. "Did the board ever go through the island?"

It slipped out before he could stop himself. Chase didn't seem offended. Which was good. Offending a board member was a very fatal enterprise. The rumors surrounding them were distinctly sinister. "Oh, no. But we designed the original lesson plans and found the teachers. We added RTI later on, after Yassen's time there. Otherwise, not much has changed, you know. The first few years were a bit dicey, but once we got a system working, we didn't mess with it. We do update the textbooks and have a lot more extended reading nowadays, though."

Nile shrugged. "What was it like?"

Chase chuckled. "Chaotic. The original founding of SCORPIA. We also had actual competitors, not just upstart Triads. Tons of work, too. I'm sure you figured that out, though. Most of us ended up losing our families to intelligence agencies and vice versa before we worked out arrangements with them."

Nile wasn't sure what to say. Sorry, you lost your family? "It's a lot more stable than it was before. SCORPIA, that is."

Chase went silent after that. Nile wasn't sure whether it counted as a dismissal or not. "Do you want me to go, sir?"

Chase started a bit. He doubted the man actually forgot he was there. "Yeah. Good night, Nile."

Nile got up. "Good night, Mr. Chase."

He closed the door and left his boss alone in the living room. What an odd encounter. Then again, Chase was rumored to be one of the nicer members of the board, if a bit paranoid.

Alex got up to the awkward silence that had pervaded the house from dinner the night before. He felt the dread curdling the milk in his stomach. Marion looked the same as ever. Albeit, a bit more excited. Alex was honestly unsure how anyone could ever like that stuff, but it wasn't like he was in the position to have a verbal sparring match with her. His aunt had the upper hand. Marion looked a little too cheerful. Alex wondered what he'd missed in his bargaining yesterday. Marion looked way too happy to just accept she'd blackmailed him into reading a textbook and paying attention in a theory class. Alex sat down in the basement, along with his aunt and cousins. He was getting the feeling that owning up throwing a snowball at Nile would be easier than this. Ian would throw a shit fit and ground him, though. He also had enough abandonment issues that he was worried Ian might decide he was too much trouble and leave him with his other relatives. Alex knew it was highly unlikely, but it was still a fear. "What on Earth are you so happy about?"

It was downright suspicious, really. His aunt looked at him funny. "Am I not allowed to enjoy teaching my children life skills?"

Alex hadn't quite seen it like that, he supposed. Most of the manic enjoyment of teaching one's subject had come from the SCORPIA side of things, to be honest. Alex shrugged. "Fair enough."

Marion practically sashayed in front of the class and proved to Alex that there was no way his family genetics were normal. No one should be that happy teaching a class at six thirty in the morning. "Good morning, children."

Alex muttered under his breath. "Speak for yourself."

He didn't quite have the guts to call her out the way Ian did. Marion sent a death glare his way. Talk about bipolar… "As I was saying, today we will be learning about the art and science of…"

Alex was paying attention to the lecture only half-heartedly. He still had hold-ups on the whole torture thing. You know, like most normal, moral people brought up in a stable home environment. Marion seemed to be going over the history of torture. Alex knew most of it already, as one of his English teachers (in the past life) had been a little too fascinated with how 'deviants' were punished in history. You'd think it would be a terrorist school, but, no, it was a plain old English class. They even had fun little pictures drawn based on the Salem Witch Trials etc. for their viewing pleasure. Vomit. Well, not really, but everyone had looked a little green.

The room was quiet. It took Alex to realize Marion had probably asked him a question. He glanced at the board. The last thing she'd written was about said witch trials. "People confessed falsely because they wanted to avoid the pain of any more torture."

Marion rolled her eyes. "You're quite right, but I was telling you we were breaking for lunch, Alex."

Alex mentally face-palmed. "Actually, stay after."

She told Jason and Lilly to leave in German. "You know I know German, right?"

Marion snorted. "Yes, dear. Your cousins need the practice."

Alex sat back in his chair. "Tell me, is this boring you?"

Alex flushed a little. "Err. No."

Marion arched her brow. "Then why can't you seem to pay attention?"

Alex sighed. "I've got a lot on my mind."

Marion snorted. "Your terrorist friend is fine. The general will stay away from here. The house has a reputation. What trouble could your friends at home run into without your help, hmm?"

Alex decided reassurance was not one of Marion's strong points. "You're not helping and you don't know the half of it."

Marion smirked. "Worried about Ian? He can take care of himself."

Alex gave her an eviscerating look. "I'm going to take that with a grain of salt because you and Ian routinely wish death on each other."

Marion huffed. "Not really the point I'm trying to make, sweetie."

Alex sighed. "I know most of it anyway."

Marion shrugged. "Doesn't hurt to pay attention. Besides, your other mentor might not have the same emphasis, per say."

Alex snorted. "I'm still denying any knowledge of such a person."

Marion grinned. Alex thought she resembled the shark he'd killed. "I'm still not believing you."

Alex rolled his eyes. "I'll pay attention."

Marion ruffled his hair. "Good. It's not too bad anyway since Patrick vetoed the live demonstration. A shame."

Alex muttered under his breath. "Yeah, you might have to teach semi-appropriate lessons for once."

Marion didn't seem to register his sarcasm. They both ascended the stairs in silence.

Alex decided the awkward silence was awful about halfway through the lunch. It was Darian's turn to teach them after lunch. Alex wondered what the man had for them. His other uncle struck Alex as rather timid in a way. "What have we got today?"

His uncle shrugged. "Blending in a civilian environment."

Alex stared at the man. "You know I have normal people friends, right?"

Darian smirked. "Fine, then you can help out with all the scenario acting, then."

Did Alex say timid? He meant passive-aggressive as shit. "Okay, first thing, voluntelling people to do stuff is the height of assholery."

Darian smirked. "So is telling the teacher you know all their class content, now sit."

Alex flipped off his maternal uncle as he silently sat down. "Now, children that is a classic example of antisocial behavior."

Alex grinned. Challenge accepted, asshole. "And that is a classic example of the general public's ability to arbitrarily assign medical diagnoses based on their own internal biases and no external expert medical advice."

Darian sighed. "You, dear nephew, are a brat, you know that, right?"

Alex felt his grin widen. "Yep."

Darian sighed. "Are you going to let me teach my class now?"

Alex smirked slightly. "Alright then."

Darian gave him the evil eye. "Right...Now, socially acceptable topics include the weather, sports, school, your cover job, and other subjects, like politics, under certain circumstances… They do NOT include explosives outside of news stories, murderous urges, sexual fetishes, illegal acts of any kind…"

Alex wondered whether they added explosives in just for his benefit. Alex sighed. "You in the back, how do I open a bank account?"

Alex had actually opened two. One in his past life and one in the current one. "The totally legal kind or the totally legal kind?"

Darian snorts with laughter. "The legal kind, sugarplum. We already covered money launderers before the reunion."

Alex smirked. "Well, uncle dearest, it involves going to a bank, registering with your actual ID, and then setting a password and pin, you also get a temporary bank card before your real one arrives in the mail."

Darian huffed. "Okay, you should also ask about minimum deposits, wire transfers, interest rates, etcetera."

Lilly looked at Alex. "Wait, why do you know that?"

Alex shrugged. "Reasons."

Jason looked over at him. "Like what?"

Alex shrugged. "Stuff and things."

Darian snorted. "Descriptive, Prince Charming."

Alex rolled his eyes. "Must have read it somewhere."

Lilly grinned. "Pretty good, but you still have tells. Cut your eyes right next time."

Alex groaned. "I hate you all."

Darian shrugged. "It'll pass. Class dismissed."

Darian yanked him back into the room as he tried to exit. Alex hated having that much less upper body strength. "Secret dodgy bank account, huh?"

Alex tried to get out of the grip. "Fuck you."

Darian grinned. "Nah. I'm giving you a hard time. It's practically a family tradition."

Alex relaxed a little. "So how long have you had it?"

Alex sighed. "Almost a year and a half."

Darian yelped. "Nooo. You beat the record for keeping it a secret."

Alex rolled his eyes. "Why, was it yours?"

Darian was pouting. "Yeah, I only got a few months, though."

Alex raised an eyebrow. "Only a few?"

Darian huffed. "This side of the family is as nosy as shit."

Alex smirked. "I hadn't noticed at all."

A/N: Bad news, guys. So, you guys get two chapters close together b/c I'm about to go vacation. I'll still be writing, but I may not have internet access. I was going to try for another one, but I ended up having to clean the whole house b/c my mother is sick and my brother is griping about 'not doing women's work' (we live in the first world and women have equal rights where I live, FYI). The only reason I put up with that is that he recently lost his father figure and my male friends say it turns people into pieces of shit. Supposedly, he'll straighten out eventually. At any rate, enjoy the chapter.