A/N: I'll say right off the bat that I know not everyone thinks Donna would have insecurities in bed. If that is your case, this fic might not be for you. Otherwise, hope you like it :)
Title from Walls by Kings of Leon.
"So," she drags out the word as she straddles him on the bed and his hands instantly find her hips. She knows he's been on edge all night, ever since she whispered in his ear that he'd get a special treat later as they were leaving the office for their date. "I know we're not the kind of couple who celebrates their niece's third-grade graduation like it was the Moon landing," she teases, "But after all the time it took us to get our head out of our asses I thought our first month together was worth celebrating."
Harvey snickers, his thumbs caressing her sides through her dress. "I couldn't agree more. Any special plans in mind?"
"Yeah, actually," she resettles a bit on his lap, trying to calm her nerves that suddenly decided to flare up.
"Oh?" Harvey quirks a brow.
"Well," she looks down to his chest, toying with the collar of his shirt, "I was thinking that we could get to fifth base."
The way his jaw slackens and he half coughs, half chokes is almost enough to make her relax.
"What?"
She snickers, looking up at him, and even though they're not fully touching she's pretty sure she can feel some movement below. "It's our one-month anniversary and you've been a very good boyfriend and I thought you deserved a treat."
"And that would be anal?" he repeats, clearly gobsmacked, and she lets out a giggle.
"Yes, that would be anal."
"Wow, I-," he pauses, blinks, "Wow."
"Well, don't look so eager," she rolls her eyes, trying to sound playful as her stomach drops a little at his apparent unwillingness.
"Oh, no, no, no, believe me, I'm eager," he hurries to clarify, his fingers digging into her ass and pulling her into him, where she can feel a distinct bulge in his crotch. "I guess I'm just surprised because we've never discussed this," he chuckles sheepishly.
"You did make that joke," she lifts a brow skeptically at him.
"We've never discussed this seriously, then," he purses his lips at her petulance. She continues to toy with a button and he goes on. "I just didn't know that was something you liked."
"I mean, I don't love it, but...," she trails off, shrugging noncommittally.
"Wait, if you don't love it then why did you suggest it?" he frowns a little, waiting for her to look at him, but she doesn't, staunchly focusing on his shirt.
"I don't know, Harvey, I just thought you'd like it," she shrugs again. This all suddenly feels like a terrible idea, something she never should have brought up.
"I do, but only if you want it too," he replies a little more seriously, finally forcing her to look at him by tugging on her chin.
"Just forget I said anything, okay?" she forces on a smile, pulling away from his hold, "It's no big deal, I was just trying to please you." She leans back, meaning to get off him, but he's faster, securing her hips in place, his frown now more one of concern than confusion.
"Donna, what's going on?" he asks gently.
"Nothing," she rolls her eyes, feeling queasy and eager to put some space between them but he doesn't let her.
"Donna," he presses and she succumbs with a sigh.
"Harvey, it's nothing. I just wanted to do something special for you and I assumed you'd have done this before and that you'd like it," she practically whines, wanting to be done with this conversation, feeling like it completely ruined the mood.
"I have done it before and I do like it," he states cautiously, "But I still don't get why you suggested this if it's not something you're into."
"I just-," she huffs a little and looks down, annoyed at herself and her seeming inability to just brush this off and move on, "I just wouldn't want you to think that there are things you've done before, things you like, that you can't do with me."
She feels a bit sick. This is not something she was planning on talking to him about, mainly because she knows it's likely not true, but she'd had this niggling doubt here and there and apparently it chose today to make itself known to him.
He recoils. "And why on Earth would I think that?"
"You know...," she takes a breath and, when she speaks again, her voice sounds tiny. "Because you've been with lots of women before and I'm willing to bet at least some of them were pretty performative and I know some guys are really into that."
And so they've come to the crux of the matter.
She knows he loves her, and he's told her before theirs is the best sex he's ever had, which she believes because it's true for her as well. But she also knows some of his past partners through the years, and can only imagine the others. And as confident as she is in her own abilities in bed, there's a tiny little voice in the back of her head that insists to tell her that somewhere, somehow, there must have been some woman who did something that was straight out of a porn movie and it drove Harvey wild. She knows he's well aware that sex in real life is almost nothing like porn but she just knows that there must have been one girl or another who was extra eager to please and she can't help but wonder about how he felt about it and if maybe he's not feeling that same thing with her.
She's skilled and experienced and she's never felt lacking in any way, be it with Harvey or any other guy. She knows she gives as good as she gets, sometimes even better, and she has an extensive collection of praises from her exes to feed her ego in this arena. But she doesn't perform. She does strictly what she wants to do, how she wants to do it, and she's always had a very "take it or leave it" policy about that because no guy was ever worth her self-respect and her comfort.
But with Harvey it's not "take it or leave it". She knows he would never, ever leave her, let alone for something related to sex, but she still wants to make sure he is as satisfied as he can possibly be, because he makes her feel so happy and so hot and so good that the possibility of falling short of some previous experience of his nags at her.
She wants to be everything he's ever dreamed of. She wants to check every last box for him, and she wants to fulfill all his fantasies, because that's what he does for her.
He's silent for a moment, taking it all in, and she starts panicking a little, thinking he'll find her insane.
"Okay," he exhales as if he's preparing for a lecture, and her heart speeds up. "First of all, yes, I've been with lots of women and yes, some of them were very performative. But I'd trade them all for you, Donna, any day of the week," he tells her earnestly and she feels her cheeks burn a little as she gives him a shy, sheepish smile.
"And there is nothing I like that I think I can't do with you," he goes on, "I'm not looking to go to bed with a porn star, I only wanna do things you wanna do too, because I'm into you. Whatever it is you've been doing this whole time, that's what I'm into."
He sounds so kind and so loving she feels her heart expand in her chest and love flow out of her pores.
"You really mean that?" she asks quietly, though a smirk is blooming on her lips.
"Hell yeah," he smiles, his palms caressing her back, framing her neck. "You're the sexiest woman I've ever seen, and I love how unapologetic you are during sex. I'd never in a million years trade that even for the hottest, kinkiest porn move."
It feels ridiculous that she would be flattered by that, but she is. It means something to her that she's enough for him just as she is, with no crazy moves or exaggerated acts. It's not something she ever doubted, not really, but it's still good to hear nonetheless.
"Okay, now you're just saying that to convince me to go through with the anal," she jokes in lieu of a thank you, feeling a bit too overwhelmed and wanting to add some lightness to the moment.
Harvey lets out a bark of laughter. "I am not. Though I bet I can make you love it," he adds, pulling her closer.
"Unfortunately I'm not sure I can take your big, fat ego," she quips, narrowing her eyes sassily even as she goes willingly, their lips fusing together. The truth is, if there was ever anyone who could make her love it, she's sure that would be Harvey, but he doesn't need the extra confidence right now.
In the end, there is no fifth base, not that night, at least. There is no performance, no act, there is just Harvey and Donna doing whatever they want and making each other happy.