Hey everyone! I know its been a while, but I needed help with some parts of this chapter. A huge, huge, huge, tremendous thank you to Iterations for helping me and advising with certain situations in this chapter. That being said TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT. Please skip this chapter if you have any issues or grief reading a somewhat detailed account of sexual assault.
I barely managed to keep myself from screaming in terror as I felt something shaking me. My eyes shot open and I immediately pushed myself to the far side of our bathing pool.
"You" I muttered still shaking in fright seeing the teacher stare at me hand still up where my shoulder had been. I shook my head rapidly clearing the daze of deep sleep. Fortunately, the fright had made adrenaline instantly end most of it.
"I'm not supposed to speak, but he's been waiting for you. I'm afraid he will be impatient soon and come" She hissed urgently. I looked past her nearly expecting to see the imposing figure with red eyes and horns in the shadows. I rubbed my hands together feeling how wrinkly they had gotten just lying in the water. Almost room temperature now. I took a deep breath closing my eyes. My hands started shaking as my thoughts drifted to last time, I saw him.
I grimaced as needles danced throughout my legs when the teacher grabbed my arm and helped pull me up. How long did I stay in here asleep? Was she stuck waiting this entire time? I grimaced in frustration at myself. I should never let my guard down in this place. She hurried me out of the water and quickly dried me off. I tried to avoid thinking about what was happening to Haldamire, but it was hard to truly avoid. I hoped she was not suffering, but really suffering is unavoidable here. I blew out a breath trying to think of anything else to think of. I did not want to think about who was waiting, apparently impatiently, for me nor did I want to keep myself in suspense always wondering how Haldamire was faring.
I let out a little yelp as the teacher pulled a little too hard on my hair as she brushed it out and began pinning it up. Honestly, what she was doing was unusual. He told me he liked my hair down. She continued at a rapid pace and quickly divested me of my towel like cloth when she finished with my hair. She disappeared for a moment and right when I was beginning to feel awkward standing around with no clothes on, she returned. Just like all the other clothes I wear except with a belt. I muttered something darkly under my breath as she fastened it quickly and too tightly. She made no move to loosen it and simply grasped my arm gently and practically made us run out of the room.
I could feel myself getting out of breath at our pace and slowed down. The teacher looked at me with an expression of resignation and fear. She always looks afraid, but I have not actually seen anyone do anything to her. Well, except that time Tar-Mairon forced her obedience and bow. Has she been beaten or tortured like us? Do I have a permanent look of fear in my eyes too? Do I look like a cowed little girl to everyone here? I scowled feeling heat creep up my neck in anger and embarrassment. Even if I do, I am too scared to do anything about it. My stomach is twisting itself up in knots just thinking about seeing him again. And we freaking live together.
She released my arm and stepped back. I did not think she would go in with me, but there is always hope until its gone. I tried to smile at her, but my facial features refused to rearrange themselves into a happier expression. She looked taken aback at my attempt and patted my cheek like a parent would with pity undisguised in her eyes. She has been weird ever since he kissed me. I walked down myself until I was at the cavern. Glancing around I realized it was empty. How odd and unexpected.
"you look so… relieved Airawende" I whipped around hearing Gothmog's voice sound from behind me. Did I just pass him without seeing him? I hesitated and then decided to say nothing. He hadn't really asked me a question and I'm not going to test speaking without permission again. "You have really improved your manners, but I must admit that I almost miss that stubbornness. Almost" He said approaching me. I tried to suppress a scowl at his words, but clearly, I failed because he laughed.
"You may speak freely for now" He said beckoning me to him with his hand. I forced my feet to move forward despite how heavy and lead like they felt. He cocked his head nearly imperceptibly. "Nothing to say?"
I swallowed away dryness in my throat and mouth forcing out a quick "thank you" knowing he expected it. He looked over me critically eyes focusing on my hair. I knew she had messed up when she pinned it up. He's going to be mad. I was too afraid to look at his eyes and see the fiery rage there, so I looked down meekly instead. I almost closed eyes fearing a reaction, but he just started undoing it. Strangely gently. I could barely feel his hands sliding through and pulling out whatever the teacher had used to put it up. My hair was still damp and fell around me very straight and dark from the water. My reached up and touched my hair in mild surprise at the gentleness and no anger. I looked up to find him studying me again with an unusual glint dancing in his red eyes.
I gasped in surprise finding myself pushed up against one of the caverns walls. He was so fast sometimes. We weren't even really close to one of the cavern walls.
"what are you doing?" I whimpered trying to push myself off the wall.
"Airawende. You are innocent no?" He said, but without the tone of a question. I made a noise of bafflement. He towered over me, but leaned boring his red eyes into my confused ones. "I have learned much of elven hroa's, but not nearly enough". I stared at him not understanding what he was talking about.
"Elven hroa's?" I mumbled trying to work through what he was going on about. What is trying to learn about elvish bodies. At least I can remember what hroa and fea is. He didn't answer me simply pinning my hands over my head with one of his hands. He began unfastening my belt with the other and then everything he was talking about suddenly made sense.
"No stop!" I squealed trying to kick out. If he was deterred or if it made any effect at all, he certainly did not show it. "Stop. Stop" I cried trying to kick him. He merely shifted until more of his weight pushed into me.
"you don't need to cry like that Airawende. I understand this perfectly natural" He snapped as he pulled off my belt and the robes loosened around me.
"This isn't going to teach what you want" I cried desperation clouding my voice and panic eroding my sense "I am not an elf. You won't learn about elvish hroa's from me" I nearly screamed trying to force logic into this. He paused for a moment.
"You don't understand" his voice implied incredulity and that he thought whatever I said was stupid. I tried to writhe free of his grip on my wrists but could not. "My elvish hroa, little one" He offered.
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" I wailed trying to kick him again.
"Enough of this" he ordered "cease your volatile behavior immediately." I screamed and thrashed in response crying. "Why are you like this Airawende?" he demanded finally sounding frustrated "You'll enjoy it too". I tried to kick again but he grabbed my leg.
"let go! Let go!" I shouted my voice raising in volume each time I said.
"I said" His voice was deadly quiet "enough of this"
I shut up immediately at the tone. Despite what was happening, I was still very terrified of being hurt again and my feet ached slightly at the threat.
"Don't" I whimpered my tears ceasing to fall "I'm scared. I don't want to"
"Don't be afraid Airawende" he said slowly sliding his hand up my thigh "You'll want to soon". I shook my head silently turning away from him as his hand settled lightly on my thigh. I shook my head, blinking rapidly. I shivered as his mouth met my neck and trailed kisses up to my jaw. His body temperature was so hot that I couldn't help but wonder if there would be red marks from heat everywhere we touched. I could feel his hot breath against my neck as he pushed more of his weight into me on the wall. He was whispering something to me, but I was too dazed by the heat to focus fully on it.
I tried to shift away as his hand moved away from my thigh and instead moved up to the fabric resting on my shoulder. He hooked a finger in it and slid over my shoulder and down my arm. I jerked away harder, but froze at the look he gave me.
"No, don't" I whimpered pleadingly as he moved the fabric off my shoulder on the other side and it slid down my body without the belt to hold it up. I couldn't stop it with my hands above my head. The fabric ended up bunched between us where his body was pinning mine to the wall.
With excruciating slowness, he trailed up his hand from where the fabric had ended up between us until his finger glided gently over one of my bare breasts. I could heat and shame creeping up my neck and face as I looked away too afraid to do anything.
I squealed and tried to kick again feeling even more shame as heat, not from him, began to gather in my body.
"Come now Airawende" he whispered with his hot breath brushing over the skin on my neck and ear "You know you want this too". I shook my head rapidly as he finally released my wrists. I immediately dropped them to his shoulders and tried to push him away. It was like nothing was happening and he didn't even notice. He kissed my shoulder and then put his mouth over my breast. I shoved as hard as I could trembling in terror and sensations I did not want to be feeling. Especially with him. He let go and stepped back observing me consideringly. I quickly covered myself with my arms feeling awkward while burning with shame and anger.
"Take off your robes" his red eyes burning into me. I gathered the fabric tighter around me not daring to move. "Airawende, I won't give you a second chance" he said coldly, belying all the heat in the room and between us. With horrible shaking hands, I began to let go of the fabric and give it the smallest push.
"I don't know what going on here and interesting as it looks, it'll have to wait." I nearly choked in horror and relief hearing Langon's voice at the entrance of the cavern.
"Langon!" Gothmog's voice was furious and I couldn't help screaming at the explosion of fire and what looked like shadow in front of me. I fell down cowering and trying to cover myself with the fabric as flames sparked and hissed around.