This is kinda where things get into AU realm, but I want to stay as close to canon as possible. Let me know what y'all think!
I screamed again hearing what sounded like an earthquake as searing heat seemed to descend over everything. Fabric slipped maddeningly through my shaking fingers as I tried to cover my head and shoulders with it as a sort of fire shield. Or at least I did until it caught on fire. With a yelp of pain and surprise I threw it off as fast as I could feeling my skin start to blister where my hands had yanked it off. The smell of singed hair threw me for a moment before I realized that it came from me and where the fabric rested over my head. I held up a burned strand in disgust and shock.
I was quickly jolted out of my lapse of horror at my parts of my hair having been singed and burned as Langon tried to raise a placating hand at the shadow and fire monstrosity rushing at him.
"Our master calls" He said the words in rush as if to make sure he had enough to get them out before Gothmog reached him. It was quite unusual to see someone as calm and collected have even the barest trace of unease. I screamed and covered my head at the enraged roar that Gothmog had emitted without meaning to. He was so frightening in that fire shadow form. I could not really think in my right mind there was so much fear. Especially with nothing between me and monster him. He was not even focused on me, but the fear was overpowering.
I watched through my hands as Langon's placating one was lowered and he bowed his head respectfully. Gothmog did not go back to his other form. Langon turned and he followed in his fire shadow form after him. The floor shook as his footsteps thundered across it. I closed my eyes as the fire monster turned and looked at me. I didn't open them until the colossal steps and the trembling ground had fully disappeared. I choked out a relieved snort of pained laughter. What was even happening anymore? I felt at my hair as strands broke off and fell where they had been burned. At least my face and neck did not get blistered at all like my hands. I gazed at them. It was not too bad for a blistered burn. I peered closer. Something didn't look or feel right.
I shivered feeling frustrated and scared of Gothmog's reaction when he returned as well as puzzled about why I was confused about the burns on my hands. He had some weird fascination with my hair. Something tells me that he really is not going to be happy about this. I also don't think Langon is all that safe with how much he needles Gothmog. Or maybe they have been doing that forever?
"Airawende?" Came a quiet voice fearfully. I looked up in shock and whipped my head around towards the entrance of the cavern.
"HALDAMIRE" I shouted in joyful confusion. She looked terrified and put a finger to her mouth looking around. I cut off my squeal of happiness immediately understanding. She wasn't supposed to be here. Obviously. Gothmog would be furious and no one wants that. Maybe she snuck away from Tar-Mairon. Terror clawed into my happiness as I thought back at the monstrosity of flames and shadow weaved together in the colossal form of Gothmog.
I still could not hold myself back. Not after so long of her absence. It was a keen knife into my heart and my loneliness. I felt tears well up and I hugged her as hard as I could. I felt a moment of hesitation, understood it as the fear she was obviously feeling having snuck in here, and let the tears fall as she hugged me back. I noticed the glassy look in her eyes as we parted and gave a sad smile. She did not want to cry.
"oh Haldamire. How have you come here?" I choked out in a whisper.
"Airawende. Listen to me. No. Chloe. Chloe listen to me. Tar-Mairon told me something important to inform you of" She said ignoring my question.
"inform me of" I said with a little strained laugh "you sound like him already"
"This is serious Airawende." She frowned leaning forward to take my hand in hers."Its about your fea"
"What?" I said baffled thinking about the word fea. That was like soul in this language.
"Tar-Mairon told me that your fea will rip apart in pain if you are" She leaned in closer to whisper "taken by force"
"You mean raped" I said bluntly gripping her hand tighter. The glassy sheen of tears was still in her eyes despite the firm tenor of her voice.
"You have to do something first. So it stays whole" She said urgently "You need to bond with someone".
"Oh, Haldamire, I don't think we are like these people. You know stuff like this happens back where we came from all the time" I muttered rolling my eyes at her soul dramatics.
"No!" She said raising her voice a little before looking around and lowering it again "We don't know what will happen. Tar-Mairon said its like an experiment, but that he would prefer not risking your sanity if the blood infusions have changed the nature of our fea too"
"Experiment" I said feeling offended "Tar-Mairon thinks we are experiments?"
"Forget that!" She said staring at me in horror. "You need to think about what I just said. If the maia blood changed our feas that Tar-Mairon said you may literally die if you are forced!"
"Maybe that's a good thing" I said sulkily staring into her glassy tearful eyes.
"No. no. Don't say that to me!" she hissed "never say that again."
"How can I bond my fea to something to prevent its death?" I said in an almost sarcastic tone quaking back slightly at the vehemence against my words of death.
"your fea wouldn't die!" She sighed frustratedly "it would be broken and then you would fade away".
"huh" I closed my eyes feeling more confused then ever.
"Just do what I tell you" She said in a pleading tone giving me an injured look with a tear sliding down her cheek.
"What do you want me, or what does Tar-Mairon, want me to do?" I said feeling grief rend into my heart at her look at my situation.
"He wants you to seduce that elf you met in the dungeons" She said in a strangely matter of fact way. I stared at her and then laughed.
"Really? Is seduction not force? What if he dies" I tried not laugh at the insanity of her plan.
"He won't" She said determinedly. "You wont even really need to seduce him. He will do it just to spite Gothmog. I'm sure of it. "
"You are sure are you?" I said feeling anger towards Tar-Mairon "this sounds stupid. Why would I want my fea to bond to someone anyway".
"but I just told you" She sounded puzzled "To prevent it from being damaged when Gothmog finally acts"
"If its "bonded" I said stressing the word bonded "then it wouldn't it be like damaged twice over if it was tied to someone?"
"I don't" she began and then stopped "I don't know and we don't have time to go ask Tar-Mairon do we?"
"oh, Haldamire" I said feeling more tears slip down my cheek "This is mad and foolish. Permanent from the sounds of it and painful for us both. What does a fea bond even entail or mean? How could I even go down there before Gothmog returns to finish things."
"Yes" she said urgently "someone will come get you soon and take you to the dungeon. Tar-Mairon does not know how many times you'll have to go. He says with competency only twice. He also said you might be able to persuade Gothmog not to act by pretending you want to, but you are not ready. Plead for time but sound like you want it." She said quickly.
"Haldamire. No Leila" I said embracing her and she embraced me back. We stayed that way holding each other tightly for several moments. She started crying at some point and I let myself cry too.
"Tar-Mairon told me things" Haldamire said as our embrace slackened and she picked up my hands. I gave her a puzzled look.
"I know Haldamire. You just told me" I felt confusion and laughter swell up in me almost hysterically. Nothing was funny about what Tar-Mairon had her tell me.
"b..b..but" Haldamire tried to say. I had to stop this going any further. I didn't need to be told a second time what his horrible plan was.
"it is alright" I said soothingly. "I can do it Haldamire" I said in the most reassuring voice that I could muster. If she believed Tar-Mairon that this was preventing my fea from making me fade die then she needed to believe that I would do it. "don't you trust me?" I asked giving a little smile.
"Airawende" she said then paused before saying "Chloe". I smothered a choked laugh of happiness at my name. She was saying it like she hadn't just done so a minute or so ago.
"I knew you were never as compliant as you acted. You just happen to be subtler" I said giving a little squeeze on her now trembling hands. It was completely true. Haldamire was not afflicted with the same level of stubbornness as me. Even when it caused me pain, I took a while to learn things. Haldamire jerked suddenly and let out a shout of stifled pain.
"Haldamire!" My voice rose in horror at her cry "Leila, Whats the matter? Are you okay?" Did Gothmog somehow do this? Did he know she was here? Impossible. She waved me away with mutterings of being "fine". I scowled at her disbelievingly.
"you don't look" I began firing up an argument, but she shut me down.
"I am fine Airawende" she said wiping her tears. I gave her a look and she sighed "I swear, but I must go now" I released her hands reluctantly. I said nothing feeling grief slither its way into my hear as I let out a whispered "Goodbye Leila" that was too low for her to hear.
I watched Haldamire leave with the most disquieting look of confusion mingled with hope. At least her eyes weren't glassy with tears anymore. I wiped the remnants of wetness of my cheeks trying to pull myself together. It wouldn't do much at all to look excited about seeing Haldamire or unusually sad if Tar-Mairon's idea is going to work. I chewed on my thumbnail thinking about what to say, but also how to be natural.
"Inevitable, but ways to push it off until my fea is secure" I repeated to myself pacing back and forth. Honestly, I had no idea what exactly Haldamire was talking about in securing my "fea". She swore it would make sense after I convinced Maedhros to sleep with me before Gothmog does. How exactly is that supposed to "secure my fea" I do not comprehend.
I let out a sigh of consternation glaring heatedly at the wall. I wish we had more time together. Time for this all to be explained as well as time just for each other. I kicked my foot against the floor and instantly regretted it at the throbbing that started up. It was so easy to make my feet prickle and ache. It was healing faster then I had thought possible, but it still felt like an eternity with having to walk everywhere. Not that I really go anywhere most of the time. Just that once. I tapped my foot sulkily thinking about the other fire demons witnessing that moment. I wonder if something like that has happened to Haldamire. I shuddered thinking about it and sat with a sigh.