So after asking about a Christmas vs New Years chapter, when the time came around, I didn't feel like writing. So the next holiday would be Valentines... Also Vanill helped me make a discord server if y'all wanna join :D /RaRRmQMV
It was cold and dark again. The fire had stayed around for a while after Gothmog left, but it was out now and no one had come to see me. I felt a horrid sensation of fear and panic in my stomach for Airawende. I could only hope he does not hurt her, but he probably will. I want Tar-Mairon to forgive me and come get me. It feels like that is all I ever think about sometimes, but I just want to be back home. With Ungo and little Dagor. I don't want to think about what might happen to Airawende, but I also can't let go of the horrible feeling in my stomach.
I was so upset that if I had food, I would probably throw it up. The cold wasn't much of a concern compared to my worries about Airawende and wanting Tar-Mairon back, but it sure didn't help anything.
"follow me" I jumped at the sudden words and looked over in shock. It was Langon! How and when did he get in here? The door was open, spilling in firelight, and I had not heard anything at all. I'm sure there was always a loud noise to unlock the door. Squeaking metal and the lock itself.
"Where are we going? To Tar-Mairon" I swallowed the surprise as hope flickered in my heart. Was he forgiving me? Langon's face was completely unreadable. Not unusual for him, but sometimes I just wished that everyone here wasn't so unreadable and emotionless.
"follow me Haldamire" He repeated. His solid black eyes always kind of gave me the chills even if he wasn't particularly aggressive compared to others like Thuringwethil. I stood up on shaky knees.
"Do you know.." I swallowed and tried to make my voice stop wavering "Do you know if Airawende is good?" I shifted uncomfortably as Langon made no move. I got the impression that he was studying me, but it was hard to tell with him.
"If Airawende is good" Langon repeated after a moment. "such silly phrasing. What is good to you Haldamire?"
"No, I mean" I began feeling irritation and frustration seep through me.
"I know what you meant, but good, for now, is you following me. For both of you" He said motioning to the door "Patience is not a virtue of your master." I squinted at him in disbelief and not a little offense. Tar-Mairon was exceptionally patient. However, I could not afford to be disrespectful to Langon. He was dangerous and one of the same kind as Tar-Mairon even if he wasn't as powerful. I glared at the floor before nodding and following Langon out.
My legs were killing me after only a few minutes of trailing behind Langon. I had, at one point, gotten good at walking long distances here. However, all the time in dungeon had weakened my legs a bit.
"wait" I breathed out leaning on the wall and sliding down.
"So weak" Langon turned and gazed down at me "I cannot help you. I cannot touch you, but its in your best interest to continue sooner rather than later" He continued. I closed my eyes feeling a burning sensation in my legs and forced myself to stand.
"How far is the walk?" I said with my eyes closed as I let my legs rest while standing upright.
"For you? I suspect far." He replied.
"Let's just go" I groused forcing my eyes open. This was nothing for being able to be with Tar-Mairon again. I would never disobey him for anything.
It was torture for every second of every minute. We walked forever. We passed by orcs and other strange beings. My legs ached and burned reducing the typical horror factor of seeing orcs more than expected. Pain is a distracting entity that can consume a person. I had been trying to at least keep track of anything that looked familiar on the walk from Tar-Mairon to the wolves by occasionally glancing up, but nothing was familiar.
"We are almost there" Langon said glancing back at me. I was sweating profusely from both the temperature and the walk. It was quite a change from the chill of the dungeons. I don't think my body was prepared for it.
"this doesn't look familiar to me at all. Langon, am I confused?" I sighed feeling disoriented.
"No" he said simply approaching unfamiliarly large doors. It was like big enough for a T-Rex from Jurassic park or something. Perhaps another wolf lair? Ungo and Dagor! Maybe they are in here. My legs felt like they were about to give out any second now, but my excitement temporarily muted the discomfort and pain.
"That took longer than expected" I whipped my head around at the dreaded and familiar voice of Gothmog. My legs, unfortunately, decided this was the time to give out on me and I fell down ungracefully. Langon did not make any move at all to help me up, even though I knew that he could have caught me falling most likely.
"I don't understand" I whispered feeling confused. Why was Gothmog here? Langon looked at me and shook his minutely. I stared at him in confusion.
"I was under the impression that you were much better behaved then Airawende and did not speak out of turn" Gothmog said without moving. He was not even looking at us. I looked up at Langon feeling scared. "You may go" he said waving a hand towards Langon still without looking.
I stared at Langon in horror as he bowed shallowly and turned. He was leaving me here with Gothmog! I was too afraid to ask an explanation or plead with him to stay. I followed him with my eyes until he was gone the image of his back burned into my mind. I stayed staring and Gothmog stayed where he was for a long while.
"I should punish you for speaking out of turn. We both know you know better" He said drawing out the words casually. There was an undercurrent of violence in the tone of his voice, but I could not tell if it was new or always there. I struggled to push myself around and bowed like how Tar-Mairon taught us. Should I apologize out loud or is that dangerous? I was locked in a mental debate on which was riskier.
"Rise and come here Haldamire" Gothmog said and when I pulled myself up from my bow, I realized he had turned and was watching me. I don't think its possible to get used to such dark red eyes staring at you. Tar-Mairon's golden eyes are much warmer even if they have a hint of cruelty hidden in the depths. I approached on shaky legs going slow. I looked down careful to avoid his gaze.
"Tar-Mairon threw you away" He said and I winced. He was lying. Tar-Mairon wouldn't really get rid of me because of one thing. "You look atrocious and unfitting of a pet. Go clean yourself up and Langon will you bring you to me."
I was completely baffled at where he wanted me to go to wash and dress, but when I glanced around the room, I saw the Teacher at the door looking terrified. You would think, that after years of being here, she would not be afraid anymore. Well, that is not entirely true. I've been here for a long time and I'm still afraid. I tried to walk as fast as I could over to her, but my legs were still unsteady. I reached out a shaking hand and the Teacher took it and carefully tucked my arm in hers. She turned and angled herself so I was leaning some of my weight into her. I was too frightened to look back.
"What's going on?" I whimpered feeling confused and terribly scared.
"I don't know why you are here and Airawende with Tar-Mairon, but I would suspect Gothmog is going to use you to make a statement mocking Tar-Mairon with this." She whispered lowly.
"Airawende is with Tar-Mairon?" I asked with a gasp as a strange jealousy filled me. Why did he take her and not me? I was with him for so long. I suppose that means Gothmog can't hurt Airawende at least.
"That's the least of your concerns" the Teacher said eyeing me carefully. I gave her a confused look.
"I want Tar-Mairon" I stated plainly, and she stared at me in shock and horror. She looked down for a moment and when she looked at me again there was a grim look in her eyes and strain.
"Truly? Have you forgotten what he has done to you?" She whispered. I glared at the floor thinking about to how answer.
"better than" I shifted meaningfully, and she closed her eyes for a moment.
"Haldamire, listen to me, be very wary. He will bind you permanently to him. Not even death will be an escape" she opened her and stared at me.
"Why are you worried? He does not even want me anymore. Gothmog said he threw me away" I responded sulkily and stopped moving.
"Come on Haldamire, we are almost there" She said urging me along.
"Why are we even going to wash and dress? Gothmog doesn't seem like Tar-Mairon in caring about looks so much" I scowled.
"I told you once already. This is to make a statement." She gave me a pitying look "How do you handle humiliation?"
"What do you mean?" I glared at her and tried to think about how looking nice would be humiliating. "Airawende and I both have to handle it perfectly well just to live." I said furiously thinking about the bow we had to do. She shook her head and looked away.
"It's why you haven't been hurt yet" she finally answered.
So Haldamire has been to Gothmog's cavern before, but she doesn't remember it because she wasn't fully herself when she was there telling Airawende what to do.