Chapter 73: Jungles and Jequirity Beans

They were too late to save Matt. Card knew the second they walked into the building. The building was eerily quiet for a base. There should be noise. And small talk. Or at least some hungover interns getting coffee. Instead, there was an eerie silence with the occasional pattering of feet. Card mentally prepared himself for a bloodbath as one of the men hesitantly approached him. "Are you the backup that we sent for?"

Card was going to let that misconception help him out here. "Yep. Deputy Director Card."

The man shook his hand. "Well, I'll lead you there, then."

Card and several of his men followed the shaken man. They strolled through most of the facility. It had been designed to be a bit of a maze. There was a very specific path that you had to take to get to the top floors. People disappeared after they saw him and his squad. The man finally came to the door. Card didn't see a blood puddle, but that didn't mean shit. The door was chained shut. Probably to secure the scene. The chain slid out from the door and it was cracked open. The man turned faintly green. "I'll...um...just leave y'all to it, then."

Card swung the door open as the man scurried off. The first thing he noticed was the pungent odor of bodies and... plants? Card's eyes fell upon the scene. The office had been turned into a pseudo-jungle. They'd somehow managed to get a few endangered trees crammed in there as well. At the center was his final protege, with rosary peas sprinkled to make a path leading straight to him. It was like a grotesque version of Hansel and Gretel set in a jungle. Matt. Oh, Matt. The man showed very clear signs of poisoning. His guards had been strung from the ceiling, but Card was almost certain that they had been poisoned and strung up posthumously. He stepped into the room. God, he'd forgotten just how much jungles reeked. It was probably made considerably worse by the fact that there were partially decomposing bodies in there. "Alright, team, start gathering whatever evidence you can get from this."

One of the men sighed. "Will it be useful?"

Card glared at the man. "Probably not, but there are procedures to be followed. Besides, we might get lucky for once and have a hit in the database or something."

The men slowly stepped in and began bagging and tagging. Card figured that it would do well to lend forensics a hand, even if they were technically not supposed to be on crime scene duty. Card supposed he also had another family to call. And another funeral to plan. There were also certain other characters, who were going to be receiving a phone call. It was time that they started getting into their traps and pound of flesh.

Alex got the phone call at three in the morning. It was exciting and terrifying at the same time. "Hello, Xander."

Alex grinned. "Card."

There was a pause at the end of the line. "Let's settle this the old-fashioned way. You, me, duel."

Alex had no doubts that either of them was going to be honorable. "Sure. Why don't you text me some coordinates?"

There was a second pause. "Done."

Card hung up after that. There was a buzz as he got the coordinates. Card had taken the bait. Alex jolted out of bed. "LANCE!"

The man barged into his room. "What?"

Alex grinned. "He took the bait."

Lance let out a sigh of relief. "Jesus Christ, kid. Don't scare me like that. I thought you were being stabbed to death."

Alex huffed. "Spoilsport."

Lance glared at him. It normally would have been intimidating, but Lance was currently in boxers. Alex bit the inside of his cheek. Lance glanced at them both. "Why don't we both get dressed and call a meeting?"

Alex waited until after the man went back to his room to start laughing. It was nice to know he cared, though. Fenrir was glaring sleepily at him. "You can take the bed, dog."

Fenrir let out a whine and tried to pull him back onto the mattress. Alex fluffed his pet's fur. The wolf gave him a look of annoyance and let out a little whine. "I have a j-o-b, dog."

Fenrir flopped dramatically against the bed and looked Alex in the eyes as he started to shred the sheets. "FENRIR!"

The wolf let out a howl. Alex rubbed his eyes. He had a sinking suspicion that the wolf was going to be least argumentative of his companions. Alex quickly scribbled an apology to housekeeping before abandoning the sheets to be shredded by a grouchy wolf. This was going to be fun. Alex rooted around his desk for some ibuprofen with caffeine. It was a magical combination that killed being tired and the no-sleep headache. He stepped into to room full of equally sleepy adults who seemed to all be on their third cup of coffee. "Here are the coordinates he gave us."

That perked everyone up somewhat, though not by much. "You weren't planning on showing up alone, were you?"

Alex snorted. "No. And neither is Card."

Alex resisted the urge to taunt the SCORPIA assassins about their obvious assignment trauma. "I was thinking a small strike team. That way, if he decided to set traps or has a sensor array, we won't all die horribly."

One of the SCORPIA agents started looking hopeful. "Who's going?"

Alex suddenly had a bunch of expectant-looking adults staring at him like he was their next lunch. Alex was not giving his best Cheshire smile as he decided to list the names. "Darian, Marie, Justin, Gary, Michael, Allen."

All of the adults seemed to be eyeing each other up for knives in the back. Alex had decided that if he was going to have to suffer through more jungle survival, then he could drag along the people who gave him the most headaches with him. And Allen. For protection. Surprisingly, it was Abigail and Kenneth who stepped forward with the first protest. "Take us."

Alex glared. "Hell, no."

Kenneth folded his arms. "You're younger than us."

Alex retorted. "I've killed five times as many people as both of you combined."

Darian's mouth opened a little. "You saved us. Now let us help you."

Alex fired back. "You already have."

The arguing continued for a while before Alex was essentially lambasted into including them.

Naturally, Lance wasn't about to let Xany prance off into the jungle with his sketchy uncle and the even sketchier SCORPIA operatives. Plus, he didn't trust Abigail or Kenneth, who had talked their way onto this mission, being seventeen and eighteen. "I want in."

Xander eyed him for a good, long three minutes. There wasn't a single sound in the room. The brown eyes tightened. "Alright."

Lance let out a breath that he hadn't known he was holding. There were muffled noises of outrage from Uncle Shithead #2 and the other kids. Larry honestly didn't care about their opinion. What mattered was that he was on the team. Now, there was the planning to do. "I say we kill him."

Xander glared at him. "Alive is preferred. Plus, we took out the CIA's air support."

Lance huffed. "Are we at least going to torture him?"

Xander gave him a rather exasperated look. His expression turned rather dry. "Try to resist the urge to shove thorned tree branches up his ass."

Lance huffed. "You're no fun."

Xander rolled his eyes. "That means no. We need his surrender to be genuine-looking."

Lance pounced on that. "What if I don't leave any marks?"

Xander sighed. "We will also be taking a medic. Charles."

Larry had vaguely known that some dude named Charles had been running the hospital. It wasn't his business. He watched the SCORPIA agents' eyes go wide as saucers as the rather grumpy-looking man stepped in. "You never answered my question."

Xander scoffed. "I think what I have in mind for the rest of his life is torture enough."

That made him a little happier. Only a little bit, though. Gotta encourage the sadism. Subtly. Mikey would have his head otherwise. Or let the kid know what was going on. Larry immediately began looking for satellite images of the areas in their stolen CIA goodies. Not that that meant anything. Card was infamous for his ability to camouflage bases and his insistence on underground bunkers. He suspected that whatever the trap in this was, it was going to be equally spectacular to Xander's betrayal. Larry wondered if it was time to yank on their spies. Perhaps, perhaps not. The SCORPIA operatives seemed to be trying to talk Xany out of the "no killing Card" plan. Kid had good ideas, but sometimes things got hairy. Lance tuned it out in favor of trying to get them a map of the parts of the jungle that they'd be treading through. He wondered if it was worth assuming that they didn't have anti-aircraft missiles. Probably not. They didn't exactly have infinite stealth planes, either.

Antonio was not happy with the current plan, but there was not a whole lot he could do about it. Alexander was alone in the woods with people who were not the best influences in the world. Then again, most of this had been his idea and everything worked out so far. Perhaps he should simply have more faith in his partner. Card had been a large portion of their main issues involving the opposition to their forces, not to mention the pockets of resistance he was encouraging. Card has also been somewhat successful at rallying his proteges' troops to his side. Alex showed up at his private dining room at the appointed time. Antonio had not expected otherwise, but it was nice that his partner was proving to always be punctual. "Antonio."

He inhaled. Sans armor and the clothes he used on the television, Alex still looked painfully young. There was still baby fat on his face, for Christ's sake. "Alejandro, please have dinner with me."

Alex followed him into the dining room. Antonio had ordered something special for this dinner. "The others are quite displeased at the lack of invitation."

Antonio smirked inwardly but kept his face blank. "Displeased enough to be an issue?"

Alex shrugged. They both knew the answer to that, but the boy replied anyway. "No."

Antonio simply gave him a rather toothy smirk. "Then I find I care little for their opinions."

Alex sat down opposite to him, looking both amused and slightly exasperated. "Not that I don't enjoy your dinners, but was there a point you were getting to?"

Antonio regretted the fact that most of their dinners were business, but such was life. One of these days, they would be able to have an ordinary and particularly nice dinner. "I'm afraid so. But, first, eat. You look like you're about to drop."

Alex dug in with quite a bit of enthusiasm. Antonio ate a bit more sedately. They got through two courses before Alex started getting twitchy. Antonio found it hilarious that he could go undercover for months, but couldn't wait through dinner for information. "So, information?"

Antonio chuckled. "For a spy, you are very impatient."

Alex was snippy tonight. "For a drug lord, you're pretty philanthropic."

Antonio sighed. "It is more a warning than anything else. Trust no one but the dog."

Alex blinked. "Oh?"

Antonio sighed. "There is a traitor in the ranks, but I am not quite sure who. It could be one of them or it could be someone else entirely. That said, everyone in that group has at least one other motivation for being there. Be careful in the jungle, Alex. What you think is a friend might very well be a jaguar in disguise."

Alex nodded. "I figured as much."

Antonio sighed. He would either heed the warning or he wouldn't. Only time would tell. The rest of their meal was consumed by an awkward silence. They would leave for the jungle tomorrow.

Card immediately ran into problems upon entering the wilderness. Somehow rats had eaten their antimalarial drugs. The rats had died, but it was still particularly unhelpful. He was fairly certain that they had a least one traitor in their little group, but this was pretty extreme. Or maybe this little incident was just bad luck. Jungles were notorious for eating US troops alive, and he had never been the exception. Even with the appropriate survival training, jungles were still incredibly deadly and they ate at machinery. Card wasn't sure whether it was bad luck, karma, or a very dedicated saboteur, but either way, they'd lost more than a fair bit of equipment and three men in the two-day trek. Card was beginning to suspect sabotage, but there was no solid proof. If it was an operative, they were exceptionally skilled. And had a very delicate touch. Honestly, Card would congratulate them if it wasn't his operation they were screwing with. Given the number of supporters that Xander Onassis had managed to gather, it was anyone's guess as to who the saboteur reported to. SCORPIA, the cartels, Tel Aviv, Moscow, someone private. Hell, Card wouldn't even rule this out as an MI6 operation until he had proof on his desk. In theory, they were meant to cooperate and work together. In actual practice…it was complicated. Britain had her interests to look after, after all. Alan Blunt had never had a reputation of being a team player, even back in the golden age of inter-agency cooperation. Tulip Jones was his long-time friend and protégé and he knew for a fact Tulip had a ruthless streak that she pretended she was hiding. Card had barely reacquired the information on his former employees. It had to be dug out of the rubble since the only computers it was one were the ones in the school. The network had been blocked off, including on the computer in his private office. There were only a few people in the school who had the skills to rob his office. Larry. Michael. Maybe Allen. He strongly suspected Xander had robbed the Louvre, so putting him on the list was likely prudent. Larry had only been told about the cameras two weeks after, given that Card knew he was a stabby treacherous bastard. The man's service record spoke for itself. He'd lost a few too many partners that he'd complained about for it to be a coincidence. His protégé had been removed from his supervision and then returned less than a month later. Card doubted that had been done particularly ethically or even legally. Plus, all of his students had turned out…fairly monstrous. Even for CIA assassins. A few of them had even been quietly cleaned up after they had crossed a few lines, only to turn up later. His only known weak points were the young men he took under his wing, and the CIA was fresh out of those. Two of them were confirmed to be still alive but were now private contractors. Oddly enough, every last one of them had avoided SCORPIA like the plague, excluding Xander. Card vaguely wondered if there was bad blood there, but dismissed the thought as unimportant. "Sir."

Card almost sighed. "Yes?"

The man chewed on his lower lip. "You should come to look at this."

Card got up. "More problems?"

The man looked even more anxious. "I'll say."

Card walked towards the camp. He didn't need to walk very far. There was a burned-out truck and words in Spanish. "What does it say?"

The man swallowed. "The curse of Santa Muerte is upon you."

Card sighed. "It looks like we have a saboteur."

There was silence after that.

Justin was not exactly thrilled at his current situation. Stuck in a jungle with two treacherous co-workers, three stabby teens, and two ex-CIA agents. Winston Yu would probably personally torture all three of them to death while stealing their organs if any one of his British shinies was so much as permanently scarred during this little expedition. Also, the fucking 'dog' was not helping his paranoia. Fenrir looked, acted, and sounded like a wolf. He was also on the larger side for one. Major Yu would probably still find some way to blame them if the wolf managed to maul, injure, or eat anyone critical. And by critical, he meant Charles or Alexander. The man also somehow expected them to make daily reports…in a jungle…with equipment that broke if the circuitry got wet. So far, the only reason their death warrants hadn't been signed was a mixture of luck and surprisingly innovative solutions from a suspiciously sympathetic Alexander Rider. Justin didn't quite know what Xander's angle was, but there had to be one. Nobody was that helpful without wanting something in return. Justin would honestly rather trade sexual favors for Alex's tech support than miss a single check-in. And underage boys were about as far away from his type as it got. Yu had tried to get them to use the full name, something, something, British bullshit he didn't care about, something, something. Justin had promptly given up after twelve days of Rider not answering to anything but Xander Onassis or Alejandro Rodriguez. He had to give the kid some credit, though. It took a lot of discipline not to answer to the given name you'd been using for most of your life. Justin had never heard a more hysterically fake pseudonym in his life. Did the CIA let them pick their names? Probably. This is why SCORPIA had come out on top. Logistics gave you a nice, respectable pseudonym. And no takes-backsies. Unless you were a Malagasto assassin. Or trained there. Then the board got to assign you whatever codename they felt like when you graduated. If they happened to be in a bad mood, an uncreative mood or did a repeat? Sucked to be you. Justin felt a wave of despair as he shook his communication device and willed it to turn on. It flickered and died. Shit. Xander sauntered up to him in what was supposed to be him behind a couple of trees for privacy. "Trouble in paradise?"

The annoying, charming smile was back on his face. "Fuck you. Are you helping me or not?"

Xander grinned. "Hand it over, then."

Justin had no idea where the little shit had learned in-field communication repairs for SCORPIA devices but was eternally grateful to whoever had beaten it into him. The device turned on. Justin thanked his lucky stars. "You could try sealing it in the MRE plastic wrap."

Justin was a little too busy to be contemplating how Xander knew that. "I'll give it a try."

Marie and Gary's devices had gone dead a while ago. They had decided that they were too good to follow a thirteen-year-old's advice. Justin had decided that pride was not going to be his downfall. Xander sauntered off. Fuck, he'd forgotten to even ask what the kid wanted in return. Hopefully, it wasn't anything wild. It couldn't be worse than a few of the things Yu had thought up in a wrathful fit, right?

Yassen was finally getting to fulfill his dear wish of murdering the crap out of Zeljan Kurst. Chase had given him the all-clear to use missiles and he had been confirmed to be at his home base. Well, it had been a lot of talking around the issue and implications, but Yassen was entirely sure that he had, at least, tacit approval from at least two board members. Perhaps more, given the circumstances. Yassen was somehow certain that if and when the time came, Alex could get his grimy little mitts on the blueprints and coordinates if he didn't have them already. There were a great many things that could describe his future apprentice, but Yassen would say that his ability to turn up suspiciously convenient pieces of information and technologies was certainly…something. "The Tiger is in his lair."

Yassen hung up the call. That had been their signal. A single button press later ensured that the Russians had an unfortunate missile malfunction that would hopefully not be traced back to anyone. Yassen considered this killing two birds with one stone. The security forces who had killed his family looked stupid. Zeljan Kurst died. Yassen had never quite forgiven him for his treatment in the first year of his SCORPIA career after the ordeal with Hunter had come out. It was a win-win. Brendan Chase and his bank accounts were even footing the cleanup bill. For a risky and high-paying job, this was about as good as it got. Yassen sighed deeply at the message on his pager. There was the catch. He wanted Yassen to accompany him for in-field confirmation and "evidence gathering". Chase called him. "Yassen?"

Not Cossack. Interesting. "It appears that the Russians had an unfortunate missile launch."

Chase sighed. "And if they look deeper?"

Yassen shrugged. "It will be traced to Mr. Kurst's former handler who recently committed suicide. I doubt that they will even look that close."

Chase let out a breath on the other hand. "Good work, Yassen. I'll see if I can't scrape up a bonus."

The phone hung up. Chase had always been quite generous in the bonus department. It was time to get on a plane. Yassen decided that he was going to watch the news to see if his favorite miscreant had won any more significant territory. Besides, Alex's speeches were some of the few that were remotely rewatchable. He had a voice and personality that drew you in on the television. He must be able to turn it on and off because Yassen had gotten to see about zero of that charm.

Brendan Chase brought Yassen along with his usual security detail to the newly destroyed base. Nile was, of course, there. He kept glancing in between him and Chase as though he expected one of them to magically conjure answers from thin air. Yassen was unsure if the man had been told. He had decided to keep quiet unless someone decided to do a villainous ramble or something to clue Nile in. Yassen was unsure how the man had made it this far, but he supposed that Nile's exceptional skills at mass destruction made up for his lacking certain qualities. Like subtly. Or the intricate politics of the SCORPIA board. Yassen could already see him leeching off poor baby Alex in the future for that. And his mission reports. Yassen was fairly sure that Chase had taken to accepting verbal reports from Nile and typing up most of the reports himself to avoid the incessant formatting issue emails from Logistics. Or just editing whatever alphabet soup Nile turned in. Or foisting it off on Sekhmet. "So, um-"

Thankfully, Chase stopped Nile before he could lower the IQ of the entire group. "We'll start with pictures and swabs for our forensics services."

The team moved out and started getting said pictures. Nile had been sent back after Alex's team had left for the jungle. Three operatives that were relatively in Alex's confidence had been considered enough. Justin in particular sent in rather colorful reports. Well, as colorful as he could get away with when Winston Yu was reading the reports. The man had reported being mentally disturbed at how easy it was to fall into the trap of actually liking the kid. Yassen had snorted. The man had forgotten Alex's progenitor. John had been handsome and charming as well. Not to mention, Yermalov and D'Arc were both still bitter over the whole affair, claiming that if only SCORPIA had offered John a bit more, then they would have been in this mess in the first place. Unofficially, of course. Nile was inching towards him. "Soooo-"

Yassen smacked him upside the head. "I will fill you in on some of the countless details you likely missed when we are not in a public setting."

Unfortunately, they were overheard by one of the chattier forensics people. Nile's mouth opened slightly. "I'm sorry-"

Well, there were certainly going to be unfortunate rumors of their nonexistent torrid affair around the whole organization by the end of the week. "Shut up."

Nile, wisely, did.

Alex arrived near the coordinates Card had spoken into the phone. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. He touched the bow and arrows he'd brought along with him. The entire party froze up. Lance moved forward. Alex felt a flash of something. "STOP!"

Lance stopped the machete mid-swing. Alex pointed at a slim thread, thinner than even spider silk. He probably wouldn't have seen it if he wasn't altered. That didn't make what Ian did okay. Lance looked puzzled. "I don't see it."

Alex gingerly walked up and grabbed the man's hand. Lightly tracing his finger over the likely-invisible-to-non-altered-humans wire. "Holy shit."

Alex shrugged. Lance probably needed a minute. Hell, he probably needed a minute. "I didn't know they made trip-wire this small."

Alex arched a brow at him. "Don't look at me. I just spotted it."

Lance squinted at him suspiciously. Alex watched the man do a long mental calculation of some sort. He didn't push the issue. "Alrighty, why don't we take a closer look?"

Marie cut in. "How? He's the only one who can see the wire."

Lance scowled. "That's why Xany is going to look."

Everyone eyed Alex curiously. What was the excuse that the British RAF used? Ah, yes, carrots. "I eat a lot of carrots."

Abigail piped up. "Wasn't that-"

Kenneth's elbow landed near her kidney. Alex knew that they both knew it was a myth. Come to think of it, everyone but the dog and Lance was eyeing him with a mix of fear a suspicion. Oh, goody. He hoped that didn't make its way back to Winston Yu. He might get vivisected again. Lance interrupted. "We don't got all day here, people. You're wasting daylight."

That seemed to shake everyone out of it. Alex was in danger of becoming fond of Lance being his mission partner. Alex soon found hundreds and hundreds of tiny wires. They formed a large perimeter that took them most of three days to go around. Then again, Alex was being slowed down by trying to map the wires. There were probably thousands and thousands of them. The widest hole he'd found was about a foot across and the smallest was maybe a quarter of a millimeter. So, that was how Card was getting away with minimal guards while he set a good amount of his troops to wreak havoc. The analysts had estimated that he kept only about twenty to thirty men near him permanently. The wires went up about eight feet. Even he would be risking a broken bone jumping that far, and it didn't guarantee that the wire hadn't been lain up to the base. "There has to be a way in, otherwise they'd set off their alarms."

Alex shook his head. "Not necessarily. They could just rigorously schedule and call in all deliveries and transport."

It was a similar set-up to the one Mikato's fort had a lifetime ago. Every single inch of the place had held a sensor and a different trap. The adults exchanged a glance. "Why don't we take a break?"

There was a long pause. Alex wondered if he was allowed to ask for ideas. He would take about anything at this point. Fenrir was getting huffy at the restrictions on his movement. "Go hunt, Fenrir."

Lance snorted. "Hopefully CIA agents."

Alex decided he didn't have the emotional energy to yell at Larry today. Fenrir raced off into the bushes. Alex honestly hoped the dog dug up something useful. At this point, he'd cheerfully rob a corpse, war crime or not. He leaned back against his rock.

Abigail sat down on a log. "So, I guess we need a new plan."

Lance gave her a somewhat contemptuous look. "No shit, darling."

Alex was going to ignore their sniping unless it got violent. The SCORPIA operatives had been oddly quiet. He was curious as to why, but not sure how to properly poke said operatives. Justin looked a little shell-shocked. Alex hoped Yu hadn't gone full evil or whatever. Hmm. Speaking of nets- nets. "The wire would have to conduct, right?"

Larry blinked. "Probably. Otherwise, the traps would have blind spots. Plus, the strands aren't really strong enough to hold up anything with real weight."

Alex rubbed his eyes. "Does the jungle ever get lightning storms?"

Lance looked a little suspicious. "Yes."

Alex glanced up at the sky. "So, if, say, the perimeter net got a direct blast of lightning, then it would fry?"

Lance gave him a very suspicious look. "Yes? Where are you going with this?"

Alex inhaled. "Could we simulate a lightning blast?"

Lance sucked in through his teeth. "Not with what we brought."

Alex sighed. "Do we have the time to go back and get it?"

Lance shook his head. "No."

Alex groaned. "Alright, so, this is going to sound kind of weird, but I need to disappear for a day or two."

Lance glanced at him. "What are you going to do?"

Alex sighed. "Tell my AI to access the weather machine in my basement, Lance, try to keep up."

Lance rolled his eyes. "Fine, don't tell us."

Alex was pretty sure there was some sort of rain summoning thing he could do but doubted the operatives would just let him do a pagan religious ritual. Not to mention, being nude in front of five adults and two teens was not his idea of appropriate coworker relationships. Fenrir yipped. Alex stared at the body that his wolf had dragged back. Alex walked up and started searching the corpse. "What are you doing?"

Alex grinned at Kenneth. "It's free real estate. Besides, there might be something useful, like an access card."

Abigail piped up. "That's a war crime?"

Alex shrugged. "Card broke the Geneva Convention first."

Larry looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh. The SCORPIA operatives were giving him various levels of calculating looks. Alex pulled all three of his weapons. "Anyone need another side-arm?"

Abigail tentatively raised her hand. Justin was next, followed closely by Kenneth. Kenneth had a rather grim expression set on his face. "So, uh, do you do this a lot?"

Alex tried to wipe the moderately feral grin off his face. "It depends, but I normally leave the dead alone unless I need something. Like clues into a CIA base."

Sadly, the man had no phone or electronics aside from his access card. Alex made a mental note to check with Maddox while he was alone. The adults were exchanging glances. Alex gave no fucks. Larry seemed pretty chill about the whole thing. "Fair enough."

Larry moved up a few ticks in his partner estimation. "Alright, doesn't look like he's got anything else that's useful."

Lance shrugged. "Lemme have a look."

Alex traded places with the man. Lance gave the body a more thorough search. He yanked the pocket knife and the man's wallet. Alex watched him remove the ID and cash. "Really?"

Lance rolled his eyes. "It might come in handy. At least none of us need armor."

Fenrir had clawed it open pretty well. Alex sighed as Fenrir gave him a look. "Fine, fine, you get a treat."

Fenrir chowed on the strip of dried meat. The adults exchanged a look. Alex had a feeling he was going to be getting a lot of offers for psychiatric help.

None of his fellow operatives were about to let him go without a fight. Charles was giving him looks that suggested he was going to be getting MRIs of his brain until his nose bled. The SCORPIA operatives had offered their services...multiple times. Abigail and Kenneth had brought out the guilt trips and Alex had had to deadass threaten Larry with a knockout dart. None of them seemed remotely reassured by the fact that Ian had left him alone for almost the same amount of time, albeit in a relatively sheltered area, in the same jungle. Fenrir would be with him, too. Justin had taken one look at his pet and given them both the evil eye. "Oh, don't be like that, he's only eaten three live people."

Strangely enough, none of the adults looked remotely reassured. Justin looked like he was torn between punching the nearest tree and crying. "Is that supposed to be reassuring?"

Alex gave him an earnest look. "Yes."

Justin muttered something under his breath that sounded like 'the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.' Alex was going to choose to ignore him. He knew his relatives were crackers, thank you very much. "Anyway, I've gone gallivanting off with Fenrir before. The worst thing he did was try to rescue an under-exercised dog." And dig up a few dead bodies, but Alex figured that it was not the time to be fully truthful. Not one of them looked reassured. Oh, well, he tried. Alex slipped off into the trees, hoping that Grim could call up a lightning storm or something. He suspected that there was going to be a cave involved.

Alex waited until he was a ways away before stopping to text Maddox. This would be hard to explain away as "unnamed sources." Larry was already getting suspicious.

-M

Any luck with a way into this disaster?

-A

The supercomputer might have sighed loudly if it had a body. Unfortunately, he had no answers for Alex. Card had decided against linking anything important to the internet.

-A

I apologize that I do not. Your Mr. Card has decided to hide away from prying eyes.

-M

Alex sighed at the reply. He had expected as much. It was worth a shot, though. He didn't like relying on gods and magic for stuff. He still wasn't quite sure about the whole resurrection thing. His other phone buzzed.

-A

Are you seriously wandering off into the woods by yourself?!

-C

Yassen was glad that somebody had effective people. How Alex had managed to slip out of the grasp of supposedly responsible adults was beyond him. Then again, these were the same people he was running war with.

-C

Yep. I love you, too. Now, I have a cave to wander into and LSD to ingest. :)))

-A

Alex was fairly certain that his attempts to give Yassen a stroke might be successful one day. Besides, his reactions were entertaining.

-A

Now listen here, you little shit. If you so much as go near LSD or a grotty little cave full of bat shit, I will personally make sure you regret it.

-C

Yassen was glaring at his phone. Alex had better not be serious about LSD. Or the caves. Didn't he know how hazardous caves were? They were poorly lit, prone to flooding, and full of creatures that did not appreciate being disturbed.

-C

RELAX, I'm just getting in touch with someone who might have a solution. Try not to blow a gasket, you're not even forty yet. :)))

-A

Alex grinned. What Yassen didn't know wouldn't get him soundly beaten. Besides, he didn't want the board and the rest of his relatives showing up for some sort of ghastly drug intervention or something.

-A

Good, good, your current minders - I mean, coworkers - get to live another day. Try not to blow anything unnecessary up.

-C

Yassen scowled at his phone. Where was Ian when Alex was meeting sketchy information brokers? Or worse? Evidently, not supervising his nephew.

-C

And here I thought you didn't do lost causes. ;))

-A

Alex just had to get in the last word with Yassen. At that, the man had decided not to respond to his obvious baiting. Besides, he did have other things to do tonight. He shut all of his phones off and removed the batteries.

Justin waited until the kid wandered off to bring up the current subject. "So, do we think he's gone crackers?"

Lance rolled his eyes. "Nah, his usual MO, when shit hits the fan, is to disappear for a bit and come back with a solution."

Justin huff. "And you just let him go?"

Lance shrugged and gave him a rather wry look. "As you may have noticed, he doesn't give you a lot of choices. I'd rather not be medically unconscious in a jungle full of enemies."

Justin huffed. "Why is he like this?"

Lance rolled his eyes. "It's a trust issue thing."

Justin groaned. He already worked for one paranoid lunatic. Lance shrugged. "Look, I'd rather be murdering the crap out of Shitty Uncle Number One, but it's not going to help."

Darian cut in. "Hey-"

Lance glared at him. "Shut up. You have family reunions in war-torn shitholes and last I checked he still has a scar from Aunt Stabby."

Darian flushed. "That's different! Ian tries his best!"

Lance arched a brow. "His best? Oh, really? His best to get Alex shot? 'Cause I count at least two shrapnel scars. Besides, parenting isn't a consolation prize, it's a responsibility."

Darian made an aborted motion towards Lance's throat and was immediately restrained by Allen. Charles grabbed Lance before he could go at Darian. Kenneth glared. "Knock it off. We have bigger problems than your upcoming custody battle."

The two managed to shake off those restraining them. Justin thought he was going to see a fistfight for a second, but the two seemed to settle for death glares over the campfire. Just great. Alex goes away for five hours and they're already infighting. Justin couldn't wait to have to explain to a very suspicious Alex that his two uncles had murdered each other while he was away. The kid sat back down. Justin wondered what the dynamic here was. Why did Major Yu never give him the psychological profiles of the people he was going up against? Allen was eyeing them both with suspicion. He didn't blame her. Alex would probably fall apart without both of them at his side.

Alex wandered for a bit longer before he quit procrastinating. Grim? The death god seemed to perk up in his head. Shortstack? Alex felt his lips twitch at the nickname. So, how do I get a magical deus-ex-machina lightning bolt? Grim made a grumbling noise. You're going to need a few more ingredients. Alex paused. That sounded like a ritual. It is. You're going to be the newest glow-in-the-dark son-of-Zeus impersonator. Alex felt himself scowl. What's the catch? Grim sounded like he was almost purring in Alex's head. Such suspicion. Entirely warranted, by the way. Every time you use your powers, you're going to exhibit some bioluminescence. Alex felt his mouth fall open. What? Grim sounded huffy. Every time you go zappy-zappy, your body goes glowy-glowy. Alex felt himself scowl again. I know what bioluminescent means, you twat. How long am I going to glow in the dark afterward? Grim sighed loudly in his head. Only a few hours. Alex rubbed his forehead. There were a lot of complications. Exactly how am I supposed to avoid getting dissected by Doctor Three? Not to mention several intelligence agencies. Grim snorted in his head. Don't go zappy in front of them, then. Or just wait until you're too valuable to be just one of Three's new scientific interests. It should only take a year or two. Alex wondered if that was too easy. Any other complications I should worry about? Grim huffed. You won't ever freeze to death or get hypothermia, but you'll be more conductive than some metals. Don't go out in lightning storms with anyone you like because you'll be a giant lightning rod. Alex blinked. Being an augment would heal most of the damage from the lightning hitting him in a few hours, but he supposed it would draw attention. Not to mention, you'll outshine the moon and some flashlights for a few hours. On the other hand, you can supercharge your lightning abilities or store more charge than you'd produce naturally. The idea here is you do the ritual and then get hit by lightning. Alex was jolted out of his musings. Right. Grim was here. And a very busy primordial. It's okay. You're much better than paperwork. Alex grinned. That sounds almost like fondness, but I hate paperwork. Grim gave him a rush of fondness instead of a worded reply. So, what do I need? Grim, naturally listed the Latin names of plants. Alex knew he really shouldn't be surprised. Thankfully, between Eijet and the memories from his ancestors, he mostly knew what to look for. Plus, Fenrir would probably help him. His wolf snuggled into his leg. "Time to go ingredient hunting, Fenrir."

The wolf yipped and tore off into the woods. Alex grinned and followed.