It has been SOOOO long. I am sorry y'all. I have realized that 2 part time jobs and 3 graduate classes are too much. Next semester only 1 part time job.
I scowled into the warm air. I couldn't tell you what we saw or who the actors were, but I had the sense I recognized it while not watching it. A bizarre sensation that didn't make sense or fit. The weather is also odd. I remember it feels warm and should be warm, but I'm actually quite cold. Completely senseless. How can I "remember" whether that I am feeling now.
I have got to pull myself together. Does everyone feel this way sometimes, or am I just losing my mind? I continued to glare into the air, but really, I was glaring at myself internally at these strange feelings and the sense of wrongness. How is this even possible. Why is that guy in front of us at the theatre so familiar to me? I could swear his name starts with an L, but I do not understand that. Landon or something?
I turned slightly towards my father, waiting for him to hurry up. He loved to stay until the very end of the credits, and I wouldn't say I liked that. It feels so far away in my mind that he does that, but it's not a new behavior at all. I get annoyed every time we go because I hate making the theatre people wait for him to leave. I harrumphed to myself—what a bizarre thing to think about with all of this strangeness going on. My dad is the same, and so was my mother? Right? The same as they always are?
I clenched my hands so tightly that I shook a little bit. I had to think about this even more than I already have so far. Why is my mind so affected by strange little things? Why can I not focus on specific details. Why does something seem to blur? Why can't I remember the movie? The movie? Why can't I remember my life?
I froze and released my hands from their tight grip. My life! It isn't here anymore, but where is it? Was it? Should I even be here?
His name is Langon! What on earth is he doing here? Does he even know what a movie is? My mind is a fast-moving connector trying to pull pieces of a puzzle together. Components that do not precisely fit but do not specifically include either. How strange everything is. Is this what insanity is? It can't be, or I wouldn't even be thinking that, right? Am I truly here? Or is this a dream? Or was that other like a dream? Details from both places are hazy, but I must make sense of it.
A sense of foreboding filled me. I suppose I could stay trapped here forever in some consideration. I froze momentarily at the salty metallic tang on my tongue and realized I had bit my tongue.
Perhaps I should live the dream, or is this true life, for now? I almost hummed under my breath. When did I become such a philosopher?
"you are not so," came Langon's voice making me wince.
"says who?" I demanded without looking at him. I was afraid that I'd lose my bravery in looking him in the eyes.
"Anyone with ears," he scoffed.
"Don't you know that art is in the eye, or ear, of the beholder," I snapped, still looking away from him? Where did my Dad go?
"Shall I go? Such insolent disrespect from a mortal" I could hear a tone of mockery and tease in his voice at his words, but I still panicked.
"Wait, why am I here?" I demanded. He laughed.
"This was the only way to preserve at least a piece of your sanity. You, mortals, are so very fragile. Not even glass would fracture and break so in the presence of my master as you mortals."
"what do you mean?" I said, stopping my shaking.
"It means like what it sounds like. You could not withstand the presence of my Master without utter obliteration that this was the way Mairon could save you temporarily," He said like I was an idiot.
"Tar-Mairon," I both asked and stated.
"Of course. Lovely little mortal, Gothmog is less than persuasive. You of all should know that," He mocked.
"Where am I? Really?" I said, ignoring his words.
"We are both in your mind. How stupid are you not to realize" Langon replied? I don't remember him being so aggressive with me before.
"I know! I am in a dream, but how the hell are you here?" I snapped, looking at the sky. It was easier to ignore their overwhelming presence in here.
"Do you think you can go anywhere if we did not allow it?" He snorted. Langon was trying to act more human, but it was pissing me off.
"Why are you here then?" I sighed, closing my eyes.
"There is only one way out," Langon said and paused, "for you to come back to yourself."
"And what if I don't" I frowned, keeping my eyes closed.
"then stay here until you die" I could feel Langon behind me. "Dreams are fickle, be warned. You could be here minutes or decades."
"What is the way out?" I grimaced. Did I even have a choice? Staying in my mind wouldn't even be real.
"It's as real as your perception," Langon corrected, and I scowled at his mental invasion, "but curiosity and weapons are your way out."
"Curiosity and weapons?" I asked, baffled. I shivered at his light touch on my shoulder.
"Well, little one, your mind cannot give our Master any information at its fragile state, but you perhaps can give him a unique weapon another way," He said, and I froze as his hand slid over my shoulder to rest over my stomach. "Gothmog is more than willing." I gasped and spun to stare at him in horror.
"yo…oo..uuu," I stuttered, my mind failing.
"I wouldn't have had to be so blunt if you weren't so incompetent" He shrugged.
"I, but he, and I," I choked on my words. He laughed like I was a comedian.
"Your other option is to stay here, in a lie, forever. Lies can be beautiful." Langon patted my stomach, and I frowned, realizing I was still practically in his arms with his hand on my stomach.
"Get off me," I snapped.
"So delicate" He mused releasing me. "You have less to fear. Tar-Mairon is wise in the ways of hroa of the first and second born. You have moderately high chances of surviving"
"Moderately? High?" my voice broke. What was he even saying? Tears welled up in my eyes. I wouldn't. I won't. Aren't dreams better?
"I'll give you a few minutes, or perhaps decades" Langon laughed as I finally spun around, furious, to find nobody.