The next morning, Severus woke up and blinked rapidly at the bright light already streaming through the open window of Lupin's room in Gryffindor tower. The canvas of blue sky was imprinted with floating white clouds and Severus watched them blow by from the bed as he contemplated the day ahead and wondered why he was still apparently such a glutton for punishment.
He had never wanted to be a teacher and had always felt like he was wasting his time and talents on the mediocre and incompetent by being one. Even if he had come to enjoy his advanced classes, it was a career that had been chosen for him by Voldemort and Dumbledore alike and that was reason enough to resent it. He had resigned from his post immediately after the war and had been compelled to return only a few short months later. Why exactly, he still couldn't say.
"Morning already?" Sirius yawned beside him.
"Unfortunately," Severus replied, watching Sirius stretch his arms over his head with his eyes still closed against the imposing sun.
"You kept me out too late," Sirius complained jovially, turning his back on the window to rest his head in his favourite spot upon Severus's chest.
"It would seem that your memory is a bit flawed," Severus scoffed at the unfounded accusation, even as he absentmindedly began combing his fingers through Sirius's silky brown locks. Feeling his own body relaxing alongside Sirius, who sighed contentedly against him and draped an arm across his waist. It was the best way to begin and conclude each new day and they were accustomed to it. Both satisfied in their mutual need for one another, it had only made sense for Sirius to stay over this first night back at Hogwarts.
"No, it's not," Sirius chuckled. "I remember quite clearly that I wanted to get to bed at a reasonable hour and it was you who kept insisting that we all have another round of Exploding Snap - ow!" he yelped suddenly, as his brown curls were tugged in a bid to untangle a knot that had formed while he was sleeping.
Severus smirked. While it was certainly Sirius who was responsible for the extended visit at Grimmauld Place last night, he was hardly going to complain. Severus had welcomed a distraction from the stressors invoked by returning to Hogwarts and confronting the public he had largely avoided since his true allegiances and story had been told. But it had also just been enjoyable to laugh, eat, and converse with the people who had become his friends, and just like family. It was quite the privilege to be had after a lifetime of being lonely.
"Come on," Severus leaned forward to bestow a quick kiss to the other man's temple and shook his shoulder beckoningly. "Time to get up."
"What's your hurry?" Sirius protested, curving his leg over Severus's own now to keep him in place. "I don't have to be at the shop until noon."
"But I have a class to teach in an hour," Severus reminded him. "And you promised to run some errands for Fred and George in Hogsmeade."
Weasley's Wizard Wheezes was still a resounding success and growing exponentially with each passing week. Their profits continued to rise and they were looking to branch out from London and had even begun doing deals with wizarding shops from other countries. Sirius had invested in the business and enthusiastically helped them on the floor and in other scopes on a casual basis as needed. He had scheduled some appointments in Hogsmeade to look at properties the twins were considering buying for their second location and would pick up some pre-ordered stock for the shop that they'd prefer to receive sooner than by owl.
"I'll get it all done," Sirius assured him. "I told them I could work the shop until six today but I wanted enough time to take Buckbeak for a long flight before it gets too dark."
"And then?" Severus pressed.
Sirius smiled and tilted his head up to gently brush Severus's lips with his own. "I don't suppose you'd like me to come back here, would you?" he asked, with mock seriousness.
"Oh, I think I would," Severus replied softly.
Sirius nodded and reached a hand up to caress Severus's face. They stared at one another unblinkingly, black eyes into grey for a long moment. Both understanding that nights apart were currently out of the question and that they'd only just learned that within minutes of arriving back at Hogwarts. It simply wasn't something either of them felt ready to do yet. Not when they'd been sleeping under the same roof unwaveringly since the war's end, and in the same bed together since December.
Alone in their house after Harry had returned to Hogwarts, the two men had had all the time in the world to talk about everything that they had never had the chance to talk about before. To know one another's full histories, hearts, and traumas. To reach the point of no return, intent on forgiveness. To become each other's safe places. To fall in love. And then to give the best of themselves to their son.
"Are we doing all that we can for Harry?" Severus asked suddenly.
"What do you mean?" Sirius frowned at the unexpected question. "We're always there for him, we love him, support him, and give him structure. What is it that other parents do that we're lacking?"
"He's struggling," Severus said quietly, feeling the light scratch of Sirius's fingernails on his cheek as he continued to caress his face. "Struggling to accept a survival rooted in error with the full knowledge that we'd been willing and ready to let him die."
Sirius sighed as he lowered his hand and repositioned himself so that the side of his head was resting straight over Severus's beating heart. He didn't seem to know what to say and that was probably why they tended to avoid discussions centered around these hard truths that they'd prefer to forget. Though it always came back to recognizing that their son wouldn't be alive right now if Voldemort hadn't made a mistake. They had expected him to die and even encouraged him to sacrifice himself. Living with that reality might be even more traumatic for Harry than the adrenaline coursed courageous walk to defeat Voldemort. And they didn't acknowledge it enough in their collective efforts to move forward and recover.
"What are we going to do?" Severus asked, almost pleadingly. "How can we make that better?"
"By being there and encouraging him to fill his days with as much normalcy -" Sirius's voice broke away.
Things like school, Quidditch, and friendships. Of late nights lingering around a dining room table with family for a long time after all the dishes were cleared and vanished. Listening to Andromeda and Sirius reminisce about the happier memories they'd made together as children and learning a bit more about your father from that. Only going to bed once you are too tired to dwell on anything painful or do anything more than sleep. Because ultimately, isn't that the secret to happiness? To do as much as you can and exhaust yourself from a life well lived.
"In other words, just continue as we have been doing even though it's already proven to be ineffective," Severus said quietly. "Act like we're this normal little family and pretend to forget."
"I think it's all that we can do," Sirius replied, just as quietly.
But they both knew that it wasn't enough. How could anyone expect Harry to be okay after everything he'd endured? He had been raised to die by Dumbledore, who was a man that Harry had trusted to have his very best interests at heart. And once discovering what Dumbledore had intended Harry to do, his fathers had stood by Dumbledore and been willing to let their son be killed.
"James and Lily supported what we did," Sirius reminded him after a few minutes of silence, where they'd just lain in bed holding one another with open eyes adjusted to the sunlight. "They understood that it had to be this way and they told us to take Harry to Voldemort."
"I know they did," Severus said tightly, "but -"
Almost as intense as the feelings that had consumed him from learning about the Horcrux housed in Harry that needed to be destroyed, were the memories of what it had been like to see Lily again when she had emerged from the Resurrection Stone, along with James. How she had told Severus it wasn't his fault and how James had thanked him. Their brief return had brought tremendous peace - not for the walk to death like he, Harry, and Sirius had been expecting, but in the wake of new life and the challenges that brought.
"Harry does not think that we betrayed him," Sirius said firmly, looking pained and defensive at the mere thought of such an accusation. But Harry's generosity of spirit wasn't something that was always easy for Severus to accept.
"But I feel like I betrayed him," he confessed. "I offered him to Voldemort on a silver platter."
He wasn't scared to speak the Dark Lord's name anymore. It was after all, just a name and Voldemort couldn't hurt him anymore. Having already been confronted with his worst fear - the loss of his son - nothing else seemed to matter. The name of Lord Voldemort suddenly seemed like the most inconsequential thing when faced with the worst nightmare of any parent.
"You're traumatized - all of us are," Sirius stated bluntly. "But every morning when I wake up, before my feet even hit the floor, I remember that Voldemort is dead and that we are not. I refuse to let him ruin another minute of my life."
"Of course, you're right," Severus said, attempting to sit up in bed despite the weight of Sirius's whole body pinning him down. "We just have to keep going."
He would always be impressed by Sirius's strength and ability to withstand the years in Azkaban and come out of it still capable of being a loving father and everything else that he was. Though it didn't answer the question as to how to better support Harry, perhaps that was because there simply was no answer to that question. It was just about continuing on because surviving meant that their tragic experiences weren't the end of the story.
"I didn't mean go right now," Sirius complained, his weight pressing down even more imposingly as he sat up over him with his legs straddling either side of Severus's hips. "Can't we be lazy together just a little longer -"
"No," Severus replied, though he was smiling slightly as he used his strength to get up despite Sirius's interference, wrapping his arms around the waist of the man now sitting atop his lap. Sirius knew how to lighten his spirits and make him happy, no matter what sorrow was preoccupying his mind. "You don't make this easy…"
"It's not supposed to be," Sirius told him, before kissing him again.
This time he allowed his lips to linger as he leaned into it passionately and all thoughts about preparing for the day ahead were temporarily erased from Severus's mind. After so much solitude, of nobody being there, the affection that Sirius was so indulgent with filled voids in Severus that he hadn't even known existed before. Every embrace, every loving look - they took him away to a place of absolute bliss and he wondered how he'd ever existed without it.
"That will give you something to think about while I'm gone," Sirius smiled, reluctantly sliding off of his lap a few minutes later and pulling on the black jeans that had been left in a heap on the carpet next to the bed last night.
"I'll go wake Harry," he called on his way out of the room, and when Severus joined them after dressing for the day, it was to discover a happy father and son deep in a lighthearted conversation across a table that was already weighed down with breakfast.
"Well they'll definitely be brilliant at hosting events," Harry was saying enthusiastically, as he loaded his plate with bacon, eggs, and potatoes. "They kept everyone in Gryffindor entertained during their years here. Never was quite the same once they left."
"Fred and George have some ideas for funeral spectacles," Sirius said, motioning a clean mug towards him with a twitch of his wand which he then filled with coffee and a heaping tablespoon of milk. "I suggested we start with birthdays and weddings and go from there."
"No Great Hall this morning?" Severus asked curiously, as Sirius handed him the coffee he'd just poured.
"No, we didn't feel like dealing with other people this early," Harry replied, and he sounded so much like himself in that answer that it made Severus smile.
"Understandable," he said, moving over to the sofa that was already transfigured back into its usual form after serving as a bed for Harry last night.
He thought it was almost like being back at the manor together right now. Listening to Harry and Sirius discuss the upcoming plans for Weasleys Wizard Wheezes while they ate, and taking comfort in the fact that their son sounded much better this morning after getting some sleep. Severus waved his wand absentmindedly to summon papers from the office in regards to the schedule and notes on what had already been covered in which class. Severus didn't have much use for Remus's lesson plans because he had his own methods that he would never deviate from. However he decided to skim them anyway and soon became so engrossed that he didn't even notice Sirius coming towards him until his shadow blocked the writing on the piece of parchment he was currently reading.
"Here - eat," Sirius said firmly, pressing a piece of toast right to Severus's lips. He had the habit of skipping meals at times when he got into a project or tired himself, and Sirius didn't let him get away with that now that they were together. It was an unusual feeling to be taken care of by someone, but Severus had to admit that he enjoyed it. He bit into the toast Sirius held out for him and chewed it absentmindedly as he finished reading a blurb Remus had written about the study of Grindylows for his third years. Unable to resist a smile, especially when Sirius brushed the crumbs from his lips once he'd finished the toast.
"All eyes are going to be on us today in class," Harry commented, watching his fathers' interaction from the table. "Everyone is desperate to see how we interact with each other."
"So sit in the back with your mouth closed and keep our exchanges to a minimum," Severus suggested. "It will only be uncomfortable if we decide to let it be."
"I'm pretty used to being talked about by this point," Harry shrugged. "I was worrying about you. Us being family wound up being one of the biggest plot twists in the Voldemort take-down, wasn't it?
"That's true," Sirius agreed. "Me adopting you or even Severus on his own might have been one thing, but coming together for you like we have is something all-together different -"
"Because now people are going to think that we don't hate one another," Severus smirked.
"I think it's a little too late to be worrying about that," Harry smiled, nibbling on a crispy piece of bacon.
The dual adoption had been entirely at Harry's discretion. He had asked Severus to claim him just as Sirius had done, once his innocence had been established and his contributions to the war fully recognized. It was something that Severus had been only too happy to do. It was nice to live a life not clouded in secrecy anymore, but it was still quite an adjustment to get used to everyone being interested in his private matters.
"I better get a move on now or I really will be late," Sirius said, once the last of the breakfast dishes had been cleared and all the coffee drunk. He turned to Severus, "walk with me?"
"Wouldn't it be easier to take the floo?" Harry asked, watching as Sirius removed a sheet of parchment from Severus's hands and set it on the table.
"No, I promised Fred and George that I'd visit the Three Broomsticks for them," Sirius replied. "Rosmerta is selling take-home do-it-yourself butterbeer kits through them. I'm going to head into Hogsmeade and apparate from there."
"I'm not taking you all the way into Hogsmeade," Severus remarked.
"The gate will be fine," Sirius replied. "You've enough time for that."
It was to be his pleasure anyway, Severus realized. The two of them had figured out a way to give one another what they needed and enjoyed being together. While Harry left them in the corridor to head in the direction of the Gryffindor Common Room, Severus escorted Sirius down the stairs to the Entrance Hall. His black robes billowed out behind him.
"Remus promised to owl just as soon as he's born," Sirius shared excitedly, as they stepped out into the coolness of morning with the dew in the grass leaking into their shoes.
"I still don't see a need to know immediately," Severus said, with an air of indifference that he didn't bother to disguise. "Surely you're not going to rush over there without giving them a bit of time to settle first?"
"I was asleep in the guest room the night that Harry was being born," Sirius informed him. "James kept rushing in to give me reports between pushes."
"I'm sure Lily appreciated that," Severus said sarcastically.
He wasn't one to get all sentimental about a new baby in the family, though it had gotten him to reflect more than once about Harry's infancy and all the things he hadn't been - couldn't have been - there for. Not only was he in the position of being resigned to mourn Lily and all that had gone wrong there, now he sometimes found himself grieving for the years of Harry's life that he hadn't been part of and could never get back. He wished he could have had him from the start.
"Oi!" Sirius exclaimed suddenly, and looking ahead Severus could see what had caught his eye.
Hardly an unprecedented sort of scene in a school of kids that could often be cruel, but which still unleashed a fury in Severus from his immediate recollections of what it was like to be the target of ridicule in front of a crowd. He walked calmly, but purposefully, towards the group of sixth and seventh year students, grateful that Sirius had had enough sense to hang back and allow the Hogwarts' professor take his students in hand alone. The laughter immediately ceased and the crowd dispersed nervously as soon as they spotted him.
"Let's see," Severus began slowly when he reached the combination of Slytherin and Ravenclaw students, choosing to momentarily avoid looking at the hexed boy on the ground. "Detention with me tomorrow evening after supper for Boot, Turpin, Zabini, and Nott and ten points from Ravenclaw. Now I suggest you get inside before it's a week's worth of detentions, if you know what's good for you," he advised softly, and after that nobody dared to speak.
Turpin, who, judging by the look on her face, had been contemplating arguing the unfairness of points taken off Ravenclaw when Slytherin was also guilty, turned to head back to the castle. Severus waited until all the miscreant students followed suit before he turned his attention to the boy they'd been tormenting. Taking in the blemishes on his skin that were tell-tale signs of stinging hexes and the dirt on his robes. Draco Malfoy's ordinarily pale complexion was currently tinged pink from embarrassment at being caught in such an undignified position. Severus knew exactly how he must be feeling and it made him feel rather ill, though he didn't show it.
"I didn't realize it was still this bad for you, Draco," Severus said matter-of-factly, waving his wand and countering the hex immediately with a Soothing charm that would provide some relief. Harry had said that Draco was mostly just shunned these days, though that had clearly not been entirely true.
"You didn't deserve that," Severus added firmly. He was thinking of his past self just as much as Draco at the moment. "Nobody deserves that. I won't let that happen to you again."
"My father and I were Death Eaters," Draco said coldly, stepping back from the Professor and gripping tightly to the arm where the Dark Mark had burned black before Lord Voldemort's death. "I'm not expecting to win any popularity contests."
"Of course not," Severus said smoothly.
A lot of the children of Death Eaters were angry that their fathers went to prison and had received harsher punishments than Lucius, while the Slytherins who had opposed Voldemort resented having his sympathizers and supporters in their house. No longer feared, no longer respected, the Malfoy family name was completely tarnished and Severus didn't see that changing.
"I'm only here because my mother insisted I finish school and hold my head up," Draco admitted reluctantly.
"Because your mother is a smart woman," Severus told him. "Nothing you, your father, or myself did warrants a life sentence -"
"That's easy for you to say," Draco muttered bitterly. "You were just acting - you were lying to me the whole time. Potter…."
"I'm not talking about Harry right now," Severus said, looking rather unsurprised. "I'm talking about you. And just like your mother, I know that you have been given the opportunity to reach your potential - which begins with completing your education."
"We've all done things we're ashamed of," Sirius said, coming over to stand by Severus's side, "but that doesn't mean we have to always be ashamed. Good to see you, Draco."
Sirius held out his hand and Draco shook it after a brief moment of hesitation. "Your mother is my first cousin so that would make you my -"
"Second cousin," Severus finished for him, looking bemused by the handshake between two people he had never seen properly interact before.
"No, that's not right," Sirius shook his head. "I was forced to study the Black family tapestry enough as a child to know how this works - Narcissa is my first cousin, so that means that Draco is my first cousin once removed."
"Thank you for clearing that up," Severus remarked dryly. "Some family trivia for you, Draco. Though perhaps it would do you well to be reminded that you have relations to people other than Bellatrix."
"I despised Bellatrix," Draco spat out bitterly. "And I think in her own way, Mum did too."
"She probably did," Sirius said, with an understanding sort of smile. "Sibling relationships are complicated. Did you know that your mother has another sister named Andromeda? Her daughter is going to have a baby soon. I hope you'll get to meet all of them someday."
Draco nodded, looking a bit perplexed by the family tree lesson, though Severus knew that Sirius was just talking for the sake of conversation alone. To put the unfortunate boy at ease. Draco wasn't the first person to have followed Lord Voldemort and come to deeply regret it.
"Class is going to start soon," Severus said softly. "I believe I have you for first period, Draco, so you might as well come back with me. Sirius -"
"I'll see you tonight," Sirius told him with a wink, briefly touching his shoulder.
Severus nodded as they parted ways; Sirius heading towards the gate that led to Hogsmeade and Severus back in the direction of the castle with Draco matching him step for step. Even though Severus had protected the Malfoy family from serious jail time and corresponded with Draco quite regularly, he could tell that it hadn't been enough. Draco was very lonely and Severus should have been checking in with him more than he had been. Perhaps his heart had known that. Maybe Draco was the real reason why Severus had decided to return to Hogwarts.
"A less cynical and more optimistic me would say something about how I hope that you and Harry might some day work out your differences," Severus said softly, pausing in the grass before they reached the congestion in the courtyard where they'd risk being overheard.
"I won't ask for miracles though," he continued. "What I will ask is for you to sincerely believe me when I tell you that I didn't lie about everything and that I did what I did to protect you and your parents out of sincerity. I risked a lot to keep you safe and I'd do it again. You can count on that and you can still come to me the same way that you always did before. I am Harry's father but that doesn't mean that I don't still care about you."