Eboshi wiped the ink from her finger on the blotcloth irritably, then set the pen down and adjusted the position of the record on her small table, mentally demanding that it stay in its place for approximately the hundredth time. She drew in a calming breath, and let it out smoothly. Her custom-built lapdesk, complete with small paper clamps, was down in the lower chambers with the porters and soldiers. Much too far.

She picked up the pen, narrowed her eyes, and set to work once again. Luckily the party tonight had cost them nothing aside from their own expenses, which was a relief considering just how much they had left... She craned her neck and reached over to pick up another sheet for reference, but her fingers slipped and the pen clattered to the floor.

That was it. She had to admit it. She missed Chen. Eboshi reached down and plucked up the pen, scribbling furiously on the record, impatience and the lack of a steadying hand marring her normally impeccable penmanship. Not even just how useful Chen was to have around, to fetch and do things for her, as convenient as that was.

No, she missed his very presence. His cheerfulness, his unfaltering desire to be of service... his companionship. She missed that, and Eboshi hadn't thought she ever would.

"Only two days, and this?" she stated ruefully to herself, shaking her head. Pull yourself together, Saryu. Then she realized what she had called herself.

She shut that line of thought down, shoved away the small desk, and considered other things. She would see her brother tomorrow, him and his little daughter. She must be about five years old now, and what was her name again... Ayako. Yes, that sounded right. Bright little thing, she was. Despite her unease around children, she enjoyed spending time with them.

Eboshi did not want to go alone, but what other choice did she have? None knew of her life here in the Capitol, save Chen, and he was staying with them. She could bring Toki and Ituse, pledging them to the secrecy of the visit, but they would forever wonder who the man and his small daughter were. And it would be nigh impossible to hide the growing connections with Chen.

The door opened slowly, and Eboshi instantly drew the pistol she had placed behind an ornate pot. A dark figure entered hesitantly, almost gingerly. Eboshi made no sound. The figure moved forward, revealing itself to be Ashitaka, dressed in dark, form-fitting clothing made for stealth. "Good evening, Lady Eboshi. I apologize for the interruption," he said quietly, bowing slightly. As he rose, a small grimace crossed his features.

"Good evening." Eboshi peered into his face intently, noting the strain in his expression. "Ashitaka, are you well?"

"It's nothing," he affirmed; yet, his next step almost took him to the ground.

"Nonsense, Ashitaka; what's wrong?" Eboshi queried, concerned, setting the gun down. She rose and went to him, but the young man had already straightened.

"Your warnings did not go amiss, my lady," he offered with mild embarrassment, the illusion of a smile fading before it had barely come to light. He tried to refuse her proffered support, but she guided him to a cushion anyway. "I, ah –– thank you." He sat heavily. "The second branch of elite guards you warned me of, the kagekata... I was not as stealthy as I thought."

"They saw you?" Eboshi exclaimed sharply, alarm suddenly rising.

"There was only one," Ashitaka responded quietly. "I almost tripped on him. He will not be reporting anything to anyone."

Eboshi forced a calming breath. "Excellent. They will notice, but there is any number of potential threats that could be poking about during this festival. Then, are you well?"

Ashitaka looked up at her, his gaze surprised, and suddenly Eboshi remembered the naive young man that she had first met only months before –– the one buried beneath the hardened exterior that she had become so used to. "I'm well enough. I'll be sore for a day, but I'm otherwise unscathed."

"Good. A visit to Kinu is not required, then?"

"No." He passed his hand over his temple. "Thank you for inquiring," he added, looking up at her with a slightly perplexed expression–– as if hadn't quite expected such a kindness of her.

Frankly, Eboshi had not expected it either. the sudden concern for the boy had taken her by surprise. She shrugged. "You are a valuable part of this endeavor. What did you learn?"

Ashitaka straightened, his stature suddenly professional once again. His dark countenance returned. "The known entrance to the underground prison system has been blocked," he said. "We'll have to find a new way in."

"Unfortunate, that." Eboshi's eyes narrowed and she looked down in thought. "Then it's good we have several days to continue our search."

Ashitaka nodded. "Should I go out tomorrow as well?" He lowered his gaze and his voice grew quieter. "I know San will be otherwise occupied."

"If you feel up to it, I think that would be for the best. But be careful –– we cannot afford to lose you."

Ashitaka glanced up sharply. "We, my lady?"

Eboshi blinked, seeking words for a surprised second. "Well, yes. I am a member of this venture as well, am I not? If you are captured, I am put in quite an awkward position."

"What," he stated softly, his words suddenly velvet-covered steel, "you would not just leave me to the mercy of the Emperor? You could cut all connections to the problem of the Emishi with no consequences to yourself."

Eboshi slowly raised her head at the shocking words, concealing her offense with a tight, stiff smile. "Do not be foolish, Ashitaka," she rejoined. "That would not only condemn me in the eyes of my people, but it would also ridiculously endanger my position. Besides," she said, brushing off a speck of dust from her empty shoulder, "I made a promise to a very dangerous person. Nothing would stop San from killing me at that point."

Ashitaka looked up at her. "I –– yes," he sighed, shoulders sinking, and slowly, the sudden tension leaving him slowly. "I apologize for my harsh words. You have proven your trust many times over." He sighed again, resting his head in hands. "I'm sorry; I'm simply worried about –– well, about Kaya, and, well…" He trailed off.

Eboshi glanced over him. It was clear that he was incredibly stressed –– that much was apparent in his every movement. His head was bowed, his shoulders slumped, fatigue was etched into his features; again, she was struck by just how young he was. And how old he appeared.

He spoke again, these words much softer. "And do not be so sure of San's vengeance. I would not be surprised if she left me to my fate."

Those grim words seemed to echo off the wooden floors and walls, leaving remnants of his grief.

Eboshi felt a sudden flush of emotion, sour and hot, flash through her mind. She immediately sought it out, trying to remember what it was that she felt, to find its source and end it so that she would not have to experience it again. Ashitaka moved to stand, but his eyes narrowed suddenly in pain, successfully hiding the majority of his agony. Why did he feel the need to do that? Eboshi considered this, and the emotion came at her again. This time she recognized it immediately. Shame.

Eboshi had forced this mask upon him. With her cunning, she had woven San and Ashitaka into characters of her own making. When they had supported each other, there had been no problem, and they had learned quickly, but now… Eboshi's eyes narrowed as her eyes caught red stains on the front of his clothing. Ashitaka had killed a man tonight. The boy that had only ever wanted peace, who had only ever thought about others, even as corruption rotted him from within, the boy who had sacrificed his own life to end a war that was not his, and now Ashitaka, this noble, undeserving youth –– to whom she was indebted, no less –– was weighed down, hardened, bent to the point of despair.

Now he was alone.

Eboshi watched as he tried to stand again, succeeding, yet unable to restrain the grunt of pain. "Thank you for the instruction and for the advice, Lady Eboshi," he intoned, turning to leave.

Eboshi took three quick three steps after him. "Ashitaka?"

He paused and turned his head, cutting a weary figure in the dim light of the lamps on the walls. "Yes, Eboshi?"

She let out her deep breath and willed herself to say the words. "If you... desire it, I am curious to know what exactly came between the two of you. I've heard things, of course, but I'd prefer to hear it from you."

There was an unstable stillness. Ashitaka turned further, but not entirely. His features were stone, his eyes chips of gray glass.

"Why?"

The word was simple but carried much power.

Eboshi found herself without words. The silence went on, and Ashitaka faced her fully, fists clenched. Standing there before him, Eboshi realized that he had grown, at least an inch or two. By the gods, he was… intimidating.

"Because, Ashitaka…" She took a breath, and forged ahead. She could tell a truth. "I have seen your pain, and would like to lessen it, if I can. If you want to talk, I will listen. But only at your will, of course," Eboshi clarified, feeling unfamiliarly awkward with the whole situation. Why were some words so hard to say?

He blinked twice, and the added hardness fell away immediately to be replaced with confusion. "You… would do that?"

Eboshi stepped back slightly, and gestured to the cushion. "I would. I will admit that I am curious as well, but that is, frankly, of secondary importance." After a period of hesitation, he stepped forward again, and let her help him down.

She sat as well, this time just the slightest bit closer, facing him completely. He met her gaze from under dark brows, then his eyes darted away. She tried to look… well, as if she were listening. Which she was. Surely she had done this before, listened to somebody. Yes, there had been that time with Chen, and-

"I had deceived her." His soft voice cut through her nervous thoughts like a blade. "I had thought it of little consequence at first, a minor detail that was a part of my past, and so did not tell San of it."

"Of your… true relationship to this girl we are rescuing?"

He nodded. "Yes, and of the symbolic nature of the crystal dagger. You know it?"

"Yes. As I recall, you stopped San from killing me with it." A small smile touched her lips. "Continue."

"As I said, it was of little consequence, until Chen arrived with news of Kaya's… situation. Then I realized that my past was no longer in the past, and the thing that I had deemed unimportant was suddenly… not." He paused, and took a deep breath. Eboshi realized how dark it was, and suddenly felt the need to light another candle. She didn't dare interrupt. "The night of the first meeting, I promised San that I would tell her, but not then —I was weak. She did not ask about it again."

Eboshi reached to a nearby cabinet and drew out a candle, careful not to spend too much time looking away from him. She set it on the short worktable, then reached again for the flint and steel, holding both pieces carefully in one hand. Eboshi then realized her predicament. "Go on," she prompted, but paused as Ashitaka reached forward, taking the firemaking tools gently. Using the cushion, he slid across the smooth wooden floor to sit almost beside her, where the candle was in easier reach.

He took one in each hand and struck the pieces together once, lighting the candle easily. The small light blossomed in the darkness, ridding some of the shadows from his features, and doing its small part to lessen the darkness of the room.

Eboshi smiled and nodded to him, almost a small bow. "Much better. Thank you, Ashitaka."

He nodded and moved several inches away from her, but the hint of a smile crossed his features. "We became closer. We talked about our lives, fought the same enemies, and both learned about each other's worlds. She showed me… amazing, wonderful things." His voice caught, and he rubbed at his eyes, which had lost sight of Eboshi and instead were remembering those wonderful things. "But all the while, I could not forget my promise to her. The weight of it grew until I couldn't ignore it any longer. I went to her."

His smile had long disappeared. "I had tripped and stumbled over my words all day, preparing for this moment, but when I began, she stopped me." He looked up and met Eboshi's gaze. His eyes were dark, but they were no longer hard. "She stopped me." He took a breath, rough from emotion, and swallowed once. She watched, and listened. "She told me that she knew what I would say, and that she did not want to hear it." Ashitaka sat up straighter, and his tone became incredulous, facing her fully. "Lady Eboshi, she was willing to live out our life, to continue our path, all the while not knowing the truth."

Eboshi nodded. San trying to deny the truth came as no surprise to her. "It would have been so easy. But I just… I couldn't do it. I couldn't live like that. I couldn't love like that." He lowered his gaze. "I told her everything." The flickering candlelight danced across his features.

"What… did you expect?" Eboshi asked softly.

"I did not know what she would do. But I was prepared to accept whatever came of the truth." His voice was solemn, yet firm.

"And she rejected you."

"Yes. She said that after this, she would leave, me and all humanity behind, forever. And I do not blame her." There was a heavy silence, and Eboshi turned his words over in her mind. "And that is what happened," Ashitaka finished.

"Are now… are you glad she knows the truth?" Eboshi shook her head before he could reply. "I'm sorry, not the best wording… now… do you believe that it was worth it?" Eboshi clarified, and Ashitaka nodded in comprehension.

"Yes. It was important to me that she knew, and now she does. We understand that much about each other, at least."

There was another silence, this once contemplative. Eboshi considered her words. "May I… speak my opinion?"

"Of course."

"It is… interesting that you would not consider living in that lie. Would it not have been beneficial for you both if that knowledge had been withheld?"

Ashitaka eyes flicked down, studying the candlelight. "If we were merely friends, or associates, then possibly. But, the closer you come to another person, the more you must be able to trust each other. And I…" He gave a rough laugh. "I did not want San to just be a friend."

Eboshi tapped her chin once, thinking. "Yes… that does make sense. Your first point, that is. The second has always been blatantly obvious." Ashitaka reddened slightly, and Eboshi smiled. "You have, thus far, been very good at hiding many of your emotions, Ashitaka. Love is not one of them."

Eboshi instantly realized just how badly those words could be received, and she berated herself inwardly, until a a smile formed on Ashitaka's face. It reached his eyes for a moment, and he inclined his head in agreement. "Well, I cannot be blamed for that. I have little experience, my lady."

Eboshi chuckled at that, not showing her relief. How long had it been, since she had truly spoken to Ashitaka? But his words still remained in her mind, and she turned them over for a moment." How strange it is," Before the rest of the thought had fully formed, they emerged in a murmur. "In revealing a secret, I have gained insight and connection with another person, whereas yours has separated you."

Ashitaka glanced up at that, and Eboshi realized exactly what she had said. His eyes were searching her, and she cleared her throat pointedly. "Well, I-"

"I would not say we are entirely separated, Lady," he stated, and she stopped her awkward attempt to change the subject. "Even in San's rejection, we have gained insight into each other. I do not dare hope, but if things should ever be resolved between us, we will know each other better." Then he smiled. It was a clever twist of his mouth, not bitter or harsh. "And I am glad you are… gaining insight."

Eboshi was shocked to find that had she lifted not one, but both of her eyebrows. "Well… thank you, Ashitaka."

He nodded, the smile becoming a neutral expression once again. "You must know that I greatly respect your leadership and competence. I have learned much from you these last months, whether or not I was looking for that learning." Eboshi nodded gracefully, and he continued. "Your people are loyal to you because of the new lives you have given them, and that is a thing worthy of much respect. But…" He paused, and met her eyes. "Eboshi… now that I have heard yours, would you honor me by hearing my opinion?"

She blinked, very much off-balance but strangely enjoying the feeling. Before she could think twice, she answered. "Yes. I would."

"As far as I am aware, your people do not know much about you. Your identity and past, specifically." Her jaw tightened, but he raised a hand defensively. "I am not suggesting you place yourself before all eyes to see, that would be unwise and frankly insensitive of me to suggest." His gaze remained locked on hers, firm. "I do believe, however, that those closest to you deserve to know who leads them." Eboshi met his gaze, her eyes narrowing slightly. She took a deep breath, his words running through her mind, clashing with years of patterned thoughts and defensive barriers.

"I do not consider myself one who is required to know," Ashitaka clarified. "I would not ask that of you. Only that…" he paused, eyes searching the dark ceiling as he thought of words. "A secret is a heavy burden. Some are required, and discretion can protect people, but in most cases, it harms the person that bears it, and their relationships." He went on, his voice filling with passion. "It hurts especially those that would never betray that trust, if given them." He lowered his hand, but his eyes returned firmly to hers. Eboshi could see resolve warring with fear within him, fear that his words were going too far, that she would reject them and him by extension.

But those dark gray eyes were alight again.

She looked away from him and to the floor, and the pause continued. His head fell, and he shuffled anxiously. "If I venture too far, I apologize, it's not my place-"

"Ashitaka." His gaze snapped back up. Eboshi turned to him, and her remaining hand reached out to touch his. His tension-bound fist clenched in surprise, and he looked down at her hand in shock, then back up at her, eyes wide. She spoke softly, not showing the conflict he had sparked within her. "You cross no bounds, Ashitaka. You are a noble man, and I... I thank you for speaking your mind."

He let out a breath, and his hand relaxed under hers. A slow smile formed, and she returned it. She leaned back and her hand returned to her lap. "Now, Ashitaka, it appears you need rest. Please, for your sake, go take it." He nodded, happiness in his eyes.

Her mind was still spinning as he stood and walked to the door. He moved to exit.

"And Ashitaka." He turned, a question in his eyes. She spoke before her thoughts, restraining and protecting as they may have been, gained control of her again. "On your way to your rest, please tell Ganzo to find Ituse and Toki, and have them all meet with me." He blinked once, not moving. She cleared her throat, and straightened slightly. "I have some things I need to tell them."

Ashitaka smiled, and nodded again. The door closed softly behind him, leaving Eboshi sitting in her light.